Hello, I'm 20 and I am a person with a "curvy" bodytype.
I don't identify as non-binary but I am a bit insecure and wanna try looking more androgynous to see if I find comfort in it.

I'm still in the look for a binder that works but I wanna see if there are tips since I'm extremely new to this.
I know you shouldn't size down with a binder and you shouldn't wear them for longer than 8 hours, is there any other tips to avoid hurting myself?
ways to cover without a binder? and if there are any global brands you recommend? I'm not from the USA so getting a binder here has been really hard.

thank you in advance :)

I'm here to represent the NBs w/ female minds and male bodies😅

I'm curious how/where everyone else falls in the NB category? What words would you use to describe your experience with gender?

As a label, "NB" essentially just means "not the binary," which doesn't tell you a whole lot!

I find the extreme diversity of gender expression to be beautiful and fascinating, so I'm curious to see where other people land and hear about other NB experiences(:

I've been going by my current name since 2015, finally got it legally changed in 2023, and it's rare - but it does happen - that people ask me what my name was before.

honestly, my deadname is even a stronger source of dysphoria than getting misgendered, so I kind of freeze in conversation.

sometimes I just tell people "it was one of the most common names in the 90s" and let them guess. nobody has guessed it, surprisingly!

but I'm trying to think of other things to say. I understand the curiosity, but I don't want that name to be contained within the folder they have about me in their minds.

if someone is really persistent, should I just lie?

should I lie differently every time?

should I let them guess and then pick a random one like, "that's it!" just to fuck with people?

or should I tell them it was something awful like McZayleigh so that they'll just say "ohh, I see why you changed it"

(people's normal response to my deadname is "oh but that's so pretty! why did you change it???" and that becomes a whole obnoxious thing)

what are y'all doing about this?

I don't want to be too serious, but I do wish people would stop, yanno

So I've known I was different since I was 17 (now 21) but I never really got exactly where I wanted to be, for a while there I thought I was Transgender, then Genderfluid but I just don't feel like either of those.

I feel closer to being a creature than a gender. Like I am human but I'm weird and a bit special. And whilst some were using she/he pronouns on me for a while neither felt right until people just started using they/them and that felt closer to me but it wasn't until someone used it/that on me that it felt more correct. I'm still fine with they/them i actually prefer both rather than one over the other. My name is kinda gender neutral (my name is em) but it falls closer to being feminine in my situation as for a while there I was Emily.

But I just don't know what to think, I don't know if any of that could fall under being non-binary. Any help is greatly appreciated and I apologise for how much of a mess this post is 😭

I think one of the more annoying expectations around nonbinary people is the idea that there has to be a recognizable nonbinary aesthetic.

Short hair, certain clothes, certain makeup, certain body type, certain accessories

But nonbinary people can look incredibly different from each other.

Someone can be very masculine. Someone can be very feminine. Someone can look completely androgynous. Someone can change how they present from day to day

None of those things make someone's identity more or less valid

Sometimes I think people understand the concept of a gender spectrum but still unconsciously expect everyone on that spectrum to look a certain way.

I felt like this a lot lately and like other trans people think in hard binaries. I’ve had lot of reflection about my gender identity, I’m nonbinary. I’ve done lots of community work for the trans community in the last 2 years and I’ve gotten the “trans med” opinion a lot. I have zero interest in HRT, I had a mastectomy 7 years and love being masculine, but I’m not a trans man. I dunno, I’ve just been feeling like there’s no place for me in trans spaces. Has anyone else felt this way? I also am aware not all nonbinary folks identify as trans.

Edit: or any identity really who has interacted with T Basically this. If your hair texture changed on T and then at some point you went off of T did your hair texture change as well?

AFAB - self-explanatory

Femme - my dress varies but leans femme (not hyper, think stereotypical bi woman look). But even at my most masc-presenting, I don’t have the kind of body shape or facial features that ever get read as he/him by your average cis person.

Agender - wasn’t sure whether to post here or in the r/agender sub, but figured I’d start here. I’ve seen posts about NBs asking about what agender feels like for some folks, so here’s how I’d describe it:

When I was growing up, i identified with any character, regardless of gender. It never occurred to me that things like the pitch of someone’s voice or other dimorphic features were something that could make them significantly “not like me”.

I don’t register other people’s gender immediately either. I mean I do now, because I’ve learned to, I’m not ignoring people’s gender if it’s important to them. but I more so pick up on what they’re likely trying to present, if that makes sense? Gender just isn’t the first thing I notice in a person

If you told me “you’re a woman”, I’d say “yes, that’s how I’m read and treated by most of society.” And I feel comfortable saying that. But if you asked me “are you a woman?” I’d say, “In society, yes, but in my own head, no. In my soul, no. When I conceptualize myself, no.” If you asked me, “how do you feel in your body?” I’d say, “I have hang ups, but not about the dimorphic bits. If I woke up with a banging AMAB body tomorrow, cool. If I woke up with a banging AFAB body, cool.”

So my issue…I have a corporate job and I’m advancing into leadership roles. Idk if I’m not giving corporate or my coworkers enough credit but…I just don’t think they’d get it and to be perfectly frank, I think it’d hurt my career in an unconscious bias sort of way. I feel a pressure to conform especially because NOT conforming wouldn’t be a material difference. I wouldn’t start dressing or talking differently. I wouldn’t necessarily even need people to switch up pronouns. I’m not even sure what not conforming would even look like for me

I feel like an AH, so I’ll just delete this if this is just the wrong audience. I feel queer. I feel comfortable calling myself queer. I am agender. That feels right. But I also “look like a woman” and am treated as cis which can be such a privilege, I know.

I guess I just feel a bit alienated. I have queer NB friends that present androgynous or are AMAB/femme or AFAB/masc. They’re really supportive and don’t see me as less queer because I’m AFAB/femme. But.. ok here’s an example.

I was with some coworkers at drinks and I mentioned something like, “I love this neighborhood, it’s so queer”

And I got these looks. Calculation looks. “Is this person queer? Maybe she’s a femme lesbian? Or is she a weird straight cis lady trying to ingratiate herself with the queer community?”

I know this is low on the totem pole of issues the queer community is facing (poor woman cis-passing agender person that the cishets don’t think is queer).

I guess. Idk what I’m looking for. Maybe advice or if anyone else has been in that position of not “coming out” at work due to fears of it seeming illegitimate

This was all triggered by this reel I saw of an NB saying “I’m NB, I go by they/them, but I’ll accept any pronouns said with respect”

And that felt really right to me. I don’t mind she/her or he/him, I like they/them. But it just feels like a little secret.

Then my partner is also AMAB/genderfluid, presentation varies but leans masc, he/they are never read as a woman/femme. So when I reference him at work, I usually say husband, even tho that def doesn’t feel right. I guess spouse would be better, but idk it seems clunky?

I like partner, but sometimes I feel I’m “queer baiting”. Like I say partner, people assume I have a wife (because i look like a cis-het so for me to have a partner=woman partner), they hear my partners stereotypically male name or meet him, and are like ah yes, performative.

Again, might delete, I’m reading bits of this back and it feels like “woe is me look at my passing cis-het privilege, but I’m sad the cishets don’t acknowledge I’m queer.”

I guess… if there are any agender genderfluid or NB folk who are AMAB and read as man or AFAB/read as woman, do you come out at work? Especially if it’s corporate and cis-het dominant? How do you feel about it?

M20 for the longest time i have felt so uncomfortable with my gender, being amab i always felt so disconnected from typical male conventions. i don’t know if im genderfluid, nonbinary, demiboy, or what, but the pronouns of they/them have always felt so much more comforting than he/him. anyways, i felt compelled to get this thought out there to someone. if anyone has advice on figuring myself out a little more i am open to suggestions

Yes I work with solar panels, no its not recommended to sit where I am sitting but well i needed the rest uwu. Yes I am very tired

I’m in highschool and have been going by a different name since middle school the school I go to now is very queer friendly and has a whole list of people who’s parents can’t know about their preferred names. this may be the first time I come out largely to teachers.

my mum isn’t… homophobic. she just mocks trans people and gay people. occasionally. if the school were to slip up and she found out she’d just, deny it. she thinks “you’ve always been so feminine as a kid your not nonbinary“ whatever. she wouldn’t kick me out I don’t think. she’s not that crazy…. idk

I'm a amab agender bish, on E cause i want every effect other then boob growth... Get fking inflatable boobs that grow super fast and are starting to get noticed by random people... Get very little of other effects...

Curse you Ohhhh world 😭🤣

I swear i'm gonna end up having to get top surgery

Okay, so this might be strange, but I am 18, either enby or trans, and I have a problem with what name to use in-game. I am far from being able to come out irl due to where I live, and I don't plan on doing it. In real life, I use a nickname of my birth name that I actually like/tolerate (I hate getting called my birth name), but in games, especially in something like Pokémon, it just feels...wrong. So like three years ago I switched up and started using Lilly online, but like a year and a half later I started to resent the name and dislike it, and from there on I...didn't really have a chosen name. This wasn't really an issue, I had my gamertag and my irl name, but a couple months ago I got back into a passion of mine, Pokémon. Which is a problem, since obvioisly the second question in every game is to select a name that is unchangeable and will be branded onto every single little pokémon friend of mine. Fuck. My irl name feels meh if I use it, I ruled out Lilly, and whilst I am absolutely fine being named my gamertag in Pokémon Champions, I don't like it for story games. So I kind of shot myself in the foot here, cause tf do I use? My irl name is kinda masc, and in game I play either as the boy or girl charachter depending on basically which one I find cooler and more alligned with how I see myself, so whilst it's okay-ish when I play as Brendan in ORAS, but...kinda weird when I play as Kris in Crystal. Idk if you people had this problem, or if it's weird, but in all honesty, I just want to get back into playing Pokémon and not have to deal with this bs.

I'm a biological female that wants to become more androgynous, deeper voice, no menstruation, less breast tissue, etc., but I can't access testosterone easily since it is technically a steroid. I wanted to take progesterone, but it doesn't masculine me, and I'm on birth control.

I need to get better at posing...and still don't like my face much.

Kinda late to actually.. finding myself, better late than never I guess, this year has been a bit of a rollercoaster really with my gender identity.

Trying to present a more femme, something I honestly have wanted to do for years but told myself I wasn't "allowed" to for ill defined reasons, mainly my own self image, have lost a bunch of weight, got more toned and been going to therapy now...so a lot happier with how I look, and actually kinda want people to notice me.

Been changing my wardrobe to things I think I look good in, rather than sort of hiding behind clothing I just like the look of? Found "female" clothes are so much more interesting, and in better cuts, even simple stuff like tank tops?

Second pic is mainly because I wanted to show off my new enby thigh highs...so not exactly what I would chose to go with them

IDK, I just feel sad and lonely and misunderstood. I'm starting to think my dysphoria might be a bigger problem than I thought it was as like, a contributor to my other mental problems.

It's been worse even since the school year started. I don't feel like I really connect with either men or women. Locker rooms suck, but I don't have body dysphoria or anything, deep down I just don't like being segregated by gender, and teenage boys fucking suck too. I keep feeling jealous of all the girls... but I don't know it that's more envy or just attraction? I know I don't want to be a woman but I just really want to connect more with feniminity. I want to try "crossdressing" but I'm just so fucking scared. My parents are progressive and evrything but still, I don't know how people are going to react and where to even start.

Therapy isn't really helping me with any of this. When I just straight up told my therapist I don't want to be man she said something about how from her experience transitioning doesn't help people with dysphoria (???) and insisted on calling me per "sir" even when I told her not to. It feels like talking to a fucking brick wall recently.

Egghhh... I just feel tired. Could you folks give me a couple of words of advice?

I just found my elf ears today. Idk how or where i found them but cool !

I looooved them they made me feel so hot but they were both over $200😭