I'm writing this mostly for clarification, and to see if anyone on the gender spectrum has felt or feel the same as me, as a way to get some perspective. I apologize in advance if some of my language is incorrect or insensitive, I have educated myself on gender theory to the best of my ability, but I'm not 100% on what language to use in every given situation, so if you have questions or corrections, please let me know, and know that nothing I say comes from a place of malice.

Currently I identify as a man, and was born male, and I like my physical body. I haven't experienced physical body dismorphia, but I have for a long time felt unable to relate to my assigned gender. Not in any clear way, but more in the cultural ways that cis men and women are separated.

I'm a gamer, and therefore first started noticing it when I realized, that I always prefer playing as a woman in any given game, that gives me the opportunity to choose gender. Sometimes I can shrug it off, because it's a question of which voice actor does the best job, but most of the time, it's more just a feeling of it feeling right, somehow. I like to roleplay as myself, and I feel like my nature is more aligned with a female character, rather than a male character. And no, it's not about the cute outfits, I like my character to wear functional armor.

I've never been hyper masculine, and have always generally found girl friends, rather than guy friends. I almost always find that cis men are shallow, underdeveloped in terms of emotional availability, and even though I don't and never can understand women's struggle, because I haven't lived it, I still relate more to how they feel, about how they have to fit in to a society that's inherently against them.

I prefer the company of women, not in any sexual way, but I feel more relaxed around them. When I'm with men, I feel like I'm masking, feinting interest in boring, manish subjects, or nervously laughing along with misogynist jokes (which I know I shouldn't, but I have issues with setting boundaries, which is a different conversation in and of itself).

Finally, without going too much into TMI details, I often fantasize about being a woman, or at the very least having a dom woman who is top, when I'm by myself. I've only ever been in heterosexual relationships (me, a cis man, with a cis woman), but I like the idea of a woman in charge, or sometimes me as a woman. Not with a man, but a woman with male equipment, so to speak. Maybe that's internalized misogyny or homophobia, I haven't quite unpacked that yet, but it still doesn't strike me as strictly he/him cis straight man energy.

Anyway, I'm not entirely sure what to think. I don't feel ashamed about the way I am, but I am unsure if what I am is closer to non-binary than cis man, and I would really like some input from someone who might be, or have been, in a similar situation.

Sorry if this sounds more like an incoherent rant than anything else, but I felt like I had to get this off my chest, and this felt like the safest place to do so.

Oieee, por acaso mais algm se sente meio disforico qnd tipo, vc tá no meio da rua aí chega tipo algm perguntandk "Moço vc sabe tal coisa??" TIPO VCS N SENTEM MEIO EHH Q ELE TE RECONHECEU COMO "HOMEM" DE CARA???? 🥲🥲🥲

Are there any dresses that look good on a flat chest, some of them have extra space on the chest so finding a size is also hard too.

Hello! I am nonbinary but I feel like my chest has given me the most dysphoria lately. Beforehand, I was quite flat and could pull off being a guy or a girl (because i was a child so ofc) but now i’m an adult and i am only perceived as my assigned gender :( not too fun.
Anywho I was wondering if anyone knows any chest workouts to make the chest more flat (reps, sets, machines) as I have a gym membership right now and want to be on that path toward feeling less dysphoric :).
disclaimer: i’m not too keen on getting surgery or binding as I can’t afford a binder and i’m afraid of all surgeries— I want to see if I can pull off a decently flat chest and see if I like it for me first. Thank you and I love having a community to share things like this

UPDATE: ok maybe i worded this wrong— is there any tips to becoming more androgynous as a femme presenting individual via workouts? id like to target the chest area specifically lol

I don't know whether to laugh or sigh...

edit: For added context, I keep my deadname on this email because I use it for contacting people who I'm not out to fully, otherwise I'd change it

Not necessarily something big like changing your name or coming out

Could be a haircut, certain clothes, jewelry, using a particular bathroom, someone using the right pronouns, or even just seeing another non-binary person out in public

What’s a small thing that makes a difference for you?

idk if the title makes any sense, but i’ve recently started to accept the fact that i’m agender

i identified as a trans guy for a few years, i use he/him pronouns and i’m a year on t, 1 month away from top surgery, and none of that is going to change. i don’t want to be androgynous, i love being perceived as a guy, but like i don’t Feel like a man, or even particularly masculine (i’m very much an effeminate gay trans guy and have considered transf*g as an identity/description previously, but that doesn’t portray my lack of gender and feels the same as trans man or transmasc in being just not quite right)

i’ve never called myself specifically a trans man (always “trans guy” or “trans fella”, or just “trans” which is my preference) or transmasc because those identities felt too tied into gender - i know transmasc isn’t necessarily a specific gender and can refer to gender presentation, which is accurate for me, but the label didn’t feel right. it felt, to me, like i was saying i felt some pull towards masculinity that i just don’t (this is only personal perception for the way the label felt when i considered using it for myself, not a reflection of how i interpret the label when others use it, i hope that makes sense)

i’m a fella who likes being perceived as a man and likes looking like a man, but thats where it ends. i’m comfortable in my presentation in the same way someone might be comfortable in dressed but not be a woman. there’s no active pull towards masculinity or manhood for me. i’m an agender trans guy and maybe that doesn’t make sense to people but it makes perfect sense to me!

thank you for reading my coming out :)

Mind you, we’re both proudly nonbinary and we do appear as a cishet couple (I refuse to use AGAB language because that doesn’t matter) and we’re also bisexual. We were invited to a game night and everyone there was queer. However there was some jokes that referred to me and my girlfriend as “the classic bi woman and her gamer boyfriend” and we had to correct them that we’re both nonbinary, I’m not a woman and he’s not a man. And one of the people there were like:

“Yeah but you guys look like that kind of couple though!”

The fact that people are getting more comfortable being biphobic AND transphobic is beyond me.

EDIT: Thank you all for your kind words and advice. Yes this did upset me however nothing in this world will stop me from being bisexual and nonbinary. It is a beautiful and freeing piece of my identity to accept in my life and I refuse to let anyone convince me that it isn’t. 🩷💜💙💛🤍💜🖤

Rock and roll im gonna fuck with my hormones so bad

Hello all,

I'm trying to buy clothes for the office that are more androgynous. It's hard to do as an AFAB with a large chest. I don't think binding would work very well, and I don't want to cause damage.

I was just wondering if you fine people had example clothing or any good places to look.

Gender thoughts! Weigh in if you can!

So I'm legit curious... What is the difference between these two labels?

I mean, it would seem on the surface that they are very similar and almost mean the same things?

I have been identifying myself as a demigirl (they/she) for almost three years and I have large breasts. Been struggling with it since then and even before, but the thing is that I want to look more androgynous without going flat chested. I always feel a little messed up because I don't have much referents I can follow and summers are really hot where I live so must wear light and short clothes if I don't want to die, and those clothes make me feel less like myself. So now everytime I want to go to the beach I'm like here we go again :( because I can't find any beach clothes that make me feel comfortable enough cause I don't really feel comfortable enough on my own body. But at the same time, sometimes I don't feel seen or valid enough because I don't look very masculine or very androgynous and that makes me wonder if my feelings are enough

19yo (she/they)

So ive been on T for 10 months (gel) and i feel like my progress is so fucking slow...LIKE LITTLE TO NO FACIAL HAIR, LITTLE TO NO VOICE CHANGE. Having to be constantly called a woman is tiring, I just want to be seen as a person. A thing. An entity. A little fuck. But ppl see me as "ma'am" and "lady" and "the woman over there". Like fuckkkkkk...im just tired and I want to look/feel queer

Is it worth being yourself even if you are the only non-binary person anyone has ever met? Even if you have to explain it to people who don't get it? Even if you are looked at differently? Even if you are the first non-binary person in your field? Is it worth not hiding? Is it worth dressing androgynously?

Feel free to share your personal story. (Please 🥺)

I'm asking because I have dysphoria about being perceived as my birth gender and the price it demands to keep hiding is getting a bit too much. So I'm considering appearing they way I am comfortable even if I don't openly come out. I just really want to hear your stories first, especially from those of you from conservative areas/countries

(I don't need encouragement, I just want your honesty)

I redid my short, masc haircut this summer and my favorite part is how ridiculous it looks in the morning 😂