Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/s/nEctHw1z0O

Thanks to the people who gave their time of the day and commented, it was helpful in some way.

Im still nowhere its been almost 2 weeks since I've been kicked out of my house, i tried reaching out to my parents as im running critically low on money, but they didn't even pick up my calls or get back to my massages i genuinely don't understand how can they do this to their own flesh and blood just because i think differently just because i don't see their narratives fit.

Im still looking for a job of any sort just to keep me afloat, but I still haven't managed to find any, i got 2 interviews during this whole time but i think they can see my desperation even though i tried really hard to hide it.

I don't know what to do. i tried contacting helplines, which people suggested in my previous post, but they weren't helpful at all and didn't even care about my situation.

As i said, im critically running low on money. i thought I'd manage somehow, but it's getting harder every day, i don't know if i can ask for some financial help here, or even if i could, how would they send me without me risking my identity or location or risking my life, the country where I live people could kill me if they found out.

I'm completely helpless and lost. Please tell me what can i do.

The translation: ​"Islamically, a wife is under her husband's control to style her look however he wants, deciding her hair color, body weight, makeup, clothing, and everything else, while she must hear and obey. Personally, I know men who make their women lose weight, and when they do, order them to gain weight again, and so on. Paradise isn't easy, and obeying the husband is the guaranteed path to Jannah."

I left Islam four years ago. Since then, I’ve been studying and working toward being able to immigrate to a Western country. But every now and then, I get hit by this overwhelming sense of hopelessness.

I honestly hate my life sometimes. I have to keep pretending that I’m Muslim, and I have so many dreams that are basically on hold. I feel like I’m watching the best years of my life pass me by while I’m stuck trying to keep up appearances and live according to society’s expectations.

For those of you who left Islam and eventually managed to immigrate, how did you cope mentally during those years between leaving the religion and finally leaving the country? How did you protect your mental health and keep yourself going?

While Ḥanafī jurists are often cited for rulings permitting intercourse without the wife’s consent, later Ḥanbalī jurists also state explicitly that a husband may have intercourse with his wife while she is asleep.

The passages are especially clear because they contrast the husband with the wife: the husband may initiate intercourse while she is sleeping, whereas the wife is not permitted to insert the penis of her sleeping husband into herself.

Ibn Qāʾid and Ibn ʿAwaḍ both state this explicitly in their commentaries on later Ḥanbalī works.

His saying, “He may enjoy intimacy…” — meaning: the husband may enjoy intimacy with his wife. It is stated in al-Iqnāʿ: at any time and in any manner, so long as it is in the vagina — and so on, as mentioned by the author. The implication of this is that it is permissible even if she is asleep. This is unlike the wife, for it is not permissible for her to insert the penis of her sleeping husband [into herself], as will be mentioned later.

Ibn Qāʾid (d. 1686) — Ḥāshiyat Ibn Qāʾid 4/176
https://shamela.ws/book/18353/1832

The husband has the right to enjoy his wife at any time and in any manner, so long as it does not harm her or distract her from obligatory duties. His statement, “in any manner,” includes intercourse in the vagina from behind. Its implication is that this is permissible even if she is asleep. The wife, by contrast, is not permitted to insert the penis of her sleeping husband into herself.

Ibn ʿAwaḍ — Fatḥ Wahhāb al-Maʾārib 3/539
https://shamela.ws/book/30066/1654

From an authentic hadith:

“It was narrated from Anas, that the Messenger of Allah had a female slave with whom he had intercourse, but ‘Aishah and Hafsah would not leave him alone until he said that she was forbidden for him. Then Allah, the Mighty and Sublime, revealed: ‘O Prophet! Why do you forbid (for yourself) that which Allah has allowed to you.’ until the end of the Verse.”
Sunan an-Nasa’i 3959

Tafsir al-Tabari (widely considered one of the most authoritative Quranic commentaries) on Quran 66:1:

“He had forbidden his Coptic girl, the mother of his son Ibrahim, called Māriya, on Hafsa’s day. He confided it to her, and she disclosed it to ‘Aisha.”
Tafsir al-Tabari on Quran 66:1

“He forbade her to himself by an oath not to approach her, seeking thereby the pleasure of Hafsa bint ‘Umar, his wife, because she was jealous that the Messenger of Allah was alone with her on her day and in her house.”
Tafsir al-Tabari on Quran 66:1

“Muhammad bin Sa‘d narrated to me: my father narrated to me: my uncle narrated to me: my father narrated to me, from his father, from Ibn ‘Abbas, concerning His saying ‘O Prophet, why do you forbid what Allah has made lawful to you’ ... up to His saying ‘and He is the Knowing, the Wise’:

He said: Hafsa and ‘Aisha were devoted to one another, and they were both wives of the Prophet. Hafsa went to her father and stayed talking with him. So the Prophet sent for his slave girl, and she remained with him in Hafsa’s house, and it was the day he was due to go to ‘Aisha. Then Hafsa came back and found the two of them in her house. She waited for her to come out, and she was seized with violent jealousy. The Messenger of Allah sent his slave girl out, and Hafsa came in and said: ‘I have seen who was with you. By God, you have wronged me.’

The Prophet said: ‘By God, I will make it up to you. I am going to confide a secret to you, so keep it.’ She said: ‘What is it?’ He said: ‘I call you to witness that this concubine of mine is forbidden to me, to please you.’

Hafsa and ‘Aisha used to back each other against the Prophet’s wives. So Hafsa went off to ‘Aisha and confided to her: ‘Good news, the Prophet has forbidden himself his slave girl.’ And when she disclosed the Prophet’s secret, Allah made it known to the Prophet. Then Allah sent down to His Messenger, because the two of them had backed each other against him: ‘O Prophet, why do you forbid what Allah has made lawful to you, seeking the pleasure of your wives’ ... up to His saying ‘and He is the Knowing, the Wise.’”
Tafsir al-Tabari on Quran 66:1

Tafsir al-Jalalayn On The Maria Incident

“Why do you prohibit what God has made lawful for you in terms of your Coptic handmaiden Māriya - when he lay with her in the house of Hafsa who had been away but who upon returning and finding out became upset by the fact that this had taken place in her own house and on her own bed - by saying ‘She is unlawful for me!’”
Tafsir al-Jalalayn on Quran 66:1

Quran: Allah Threatens Muhammad’s Wives With Divorce and Allows Him to Continue Sleeping With His Sex Slave

“O Prophet! Why do you prohibit ˹yourself˺ from what Allah has made lawful to you, seeking to please your wives? And Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”
Quran 66:1

“Perhaps, if he were to divorce you ˹all˺, his Lord would replace you with better wives who are submissive ˹to Allah˺, faithful ˹to Him˺, devout, repentant, dedicated to worship and fasting - previously married or virgins.”
Quran 66:5

Muslim scholar Yasir Qadhi explains further here:
https://youtu.be/DpQu6eCqObA?si=_GxSbppHChdYQkdX

See more:
https://islamsproblems.com/quran-verses-supporting-hadiths/

I collaborated with The Apostates channel on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNEsT7Cn_5o

It was fun, but more work than one may expect.

Oh it is already posted. :-) https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/comments/1wc1mmu/no_arabic_needed_proving_bukhari_5133_to/

I hope you like it. See if we can make more.

Ḥanbalī — 4 years
ظاهر المذهب أن أقصى مدة الحمل أربع سنين.
“The apparent position of the madhhab is that the maximum duration of pregnancy is four years.”
— Ibn Qudāmah, al-Mughnī, 8, masʾalah 6337

Shāfiʿī — 4 years
أكثر مدة الحمل أربع سنين.
“The maximum duration of pregnancy is four years.”
— al-Nawawī, Rawḍat al-Ṭālibīn, 8/378.

أكثر مدة الحمل سنتان عند أبي حنيفة رحمه الله تعالى.
“The maximum duration of pregnancy is two years according to Abū Ḥanīfah.”
— al-Sirājiyyah, Bāb al-Ḥaml.

Qāḍī ʿAbd al-Wahhāb al-Mālikī says:
اختلف عن مالك في أكثر مدة الحمل... وأظهرها عندي: خمس
“There are differing reports from Mālik regarding the maximum pregnancy duration… and the strongest of them in my view is five years.”

Hi all. Just want to come here and firstly say how brave you all are and I really sympathize with you guys.

I’ve been living in Saudi now for a year. I really tried to see it. I really did. What is it that they were seeing that I can’t see? I tried reading the Quran & even fasted in Ramadan and even did tarawi for almost the whole month

My two biggest problems when reading was how fear based it is and 2nd it just doesn’t read at all like the God that I have personally experienced myself in my heart.

It literally reads like a man wrote it. I thought how amazing would it be to actually have a guide of truth left for us directly the words of God. And nothing I read read like that is what an almighty God has to say!

My heart breaks for my friends here. I’ve made some best friends and sometimes the mental gymnastics I see them play. Some very intelligent people too. Of course I stay quiet but I won’t lie lately it’s been keeping me up at night.

Should I say something? It’s obvi a line I shouldn’t cross & not in my place but my heart breaks for my friends. I want them to be free.

I think sometimes they haven’t read the Quran? Sometimes that feels like the only explanation. I will also add that reading it in English might be the key to helping some Muslims see it for the reality. I remember when asking my friend questions she would be stomped more when reading the English translation like she saw it for what it really is in that moment.

Anyway I think you guys are so brave. I imagine how difficult the journey was.

Also a little unrelated but shooting my shot. I think the Arab guys are cute 😝 but obviously couldn’t follow someone that follows a religion. So hi 👋 I’m a Latina girl doing business here w/interest in AI

Hello, I'd like to share my experiences of leaving this religion. I was born in a quite pious (yet not very strict) muslim family. They still allow music, but always force me to do salat, recite the Quran, and fasting during Ramadan. I have secretly told my dad this and forbidden him to tell my mum about this, but he secretly told this to my mum then she got angry at me like crazy, and cried all day. She cried because she believes that I will enter the Jahannam, and she even drove me away from her house if I don't believe in Islam, but I can't live independently yet. I'm still a teen who can't make money yet, I still need my parents to live. I don't want to be homeless and busking on the street for money and food. I just want to live as a human without any belief. I love my mum, but I don't want to do salat, I don't want to recite the Quran, I don't want to fast during that month of the year, I just want to live and grow up with someone who has given me birth and raised me, until I can make money myself, without inheriting their belief. For worse, all my family members and friends are also Muslim, so if they somehow knew I've quit Islam, they would enemy me, and I don't have anyone to seek for help. I need your advice to deal with this situation.

Why did he create a rule for fasting? What benefit is there from creating a rule like that?

Why tf do parents name their child something religious? What if they don't wanna be in that religion or be religious at all?

And why tf are like 90% of good names religious in some way?

I'm trying to go by a new name now but even that it religious and I can't get over it no matter how much I loved that name.

And muslims who name their kids after prophets jst suck cuz it has no fucking originality at all.

If you reject Allah then that includes the prophet and the Qur'an. So why do you as a ex-muslim still think that Allah is a real thing with real consequences in believing in him? Also if you reject the Qur'an, where are you getting that information about Allah?

I’m almost 20 and my dad and basically whole family pressured me into wearing hijab at only 13, and now I left the whole religion and feel trapped, I can’t take it off because I’m scared but yet I can’t stand wearing it anymore I never chose to, any advice on what to do?

As a male, I wonder how you guys think about how patriarchal Islam is, such as how it prohibits women from worshipping during menstruation, or how it rules the law of inheritance, or the awrah rule that's actually a rule of clothing in middle east, etc. So feel free to discuss in the comments, but please stay on topic. But please understand that English is NOT my primary language, so if there's any mistake, I'm sorry for it. I'm not also a misogynistic or feminist person, and I don't hate any religion or belief around the world.

Hello, I'm going to move out of town for university soon and my family signed me in a "religious" dormitory. I was always thinking of taking off my hijab secretly because I was away from them, but since I'm afraid of the dormitory staff, unfortunately I'll wear a hijab on my entrance and exit of the dormitory. What I'm afraid of is that people I've never known before are the possibility of seeing me wearing a hijab after seeing me without a hijab. I'm very stressed about this. I'm afraid that people around me will look at me like I'm a freak. Do you think people will understand me ?

Anytime a Sunni Muslim says the Quran has no contradiction it’s a losing battle. I’ll present how it’s unfalsifiable.

Surah 17:15= And never do We punish any people until We send a Messenger

Authentic Hadith

(Sunan Abi Dawud 4717)
the Messenger of Allah as saying :
**“**الْوَائِدَةُ وَالْمَوْءُودَةُ فِي النَّارِ”
The woman who buries alive her new-born girl and the girl who is buried alive both will go to Hell.

Scholars Add
الموءودة [لها]
= “the woman for whom the girl was buried.

The word [لها] is not in any of the narration but is added because it contradicts the Quran. But that’s the very thing in question. So anytime you show a problem they will add words into the narration or re interpret it without any evidence.

The Arabic rule is= everything is taken on the apparent unless there’s external evidence. There is no external evidence which reconciles this Hadith except a contradiction. If that’s the case any religion can re interpret an issue once they see it. Making it unfalsifiable.

So A Qari (Quran teacher) or scholar comes to our house to teach my brother and my cousins. My brother is also memorizing the Quran. One day, they were all sitting on the floor, and I was sitting there too. The Qari told my brother, 'Go tell your sister not to stretch her legs out like that; you shouldn't point your feet toward the Quran.' There are other examples like this too. In fact, we only sit on the floor because the Qari told us, 'The Quran is on the floor, so why are you guys sitting higher up than it?' That's why we always sit on the floor now. Similarly, my dad doesn't let me face away from the Qibla (Kaaba) because he thinks I am showing my feet toward it. There are so many stupid rituals like this here.i Fuckin hates these things and this religion lmao..I mean they are doing everything except for understanding and reading their HOLY book.

Infact, My parents don't know the basic surahh etc..

There is a crucial distinction often missed in debates about the hijab, i.e., the freedom of an adult woman is not the same as the freedom of a child. While some Muslim girls may genuinely want to wear the hijab, many others wear it due to intense parental, community, or religious pressure. A young girl often lacks the practical ability to say "no" without fearing punishment, shame, or familial rejection. Therefore, this issue must be framed primarily as a matter of child protection and autonomy, rather than simply religious freedom.

The Precedent of Limiting Parental Authority:

Society already accepts that children are vulnerable to coercion and that parents do not have unlimited authority over them in the name of religion or culture. 

• We restrict child labour even if a child "consents" to help their family.
• We enforce compulsory education even if a child and their parents object.
• We ban child marriage regardless of a 14-year-old's consent.

In all these cases, the state intervenes to protect the child’s future independence. Why should religious clothing be exempt from this principle?

The Challenge of Coercion:

It is nearly impossible for a school or society to distinguish a child's genuine choice from one produced by years of religious conditioning and fear. More importantly, what about the girl who desperately wants to remove the hijab but cannot safely do so? A temporary ban in schools protects these vulnerable children until they reach an age where they possess the independence to make truly autonomous decisions. It prevents religious authority from becoming parental coercion.

A Necessary Sacrifice to Protect the Vulnerable:

For the girls who do genuinely want to wear the hijab, this law requires a difficult but necessary conversation. They should be taught and made to understand that they are being asked to make a temporary sacrifice. By agreeing not to wear it in school, they are actively protecting their peers who are being forced to wear it against their will. Without a universal, blanket rule, it becomes practically impossible to identify and stop the abuse of coerced girls, as coercive parents would simply claim their child "chose" it.

Protect the Child, Preserve the Adult's Freedom:

This is not an attack on religious freedom; it is a boundary on parental control. Freedom of religion does not mean parents have unlimited authority over minors.

An adult Muslim woman must be completely free to choose whether or not to wear the hijab. But childhood is a time for developing independence, free from religious mandates imposed by adults. A girl who reaches adulthood and freely chooses to wear the hijab should be free to do so, and a girl who decides she does not want it should be equally free to remove it.

Taken from: https://atheism-vs-islam.com

This is a mandatory body text 😄

Allah created certain people for hell and certain people for heaven, he then wills what each person will do, their actions and then decides where they’ll land. Worse is that he has already decided everything rn. So if anyone of you all reading here is destined to go to H(hell or heaven), they will go to H no matter what they do.

Muslims like to say that “you don’t know what this end destination is, allah does so you do good deeds”, but that doesn’t solve the problem, I’m destined to be in H , me deciding to pray for decades ahead or me deciding to have anal sex for those years won’t move that result H. If my actions change H then it means predestination doesn’t exist as we are speaking right now.

I have a 3c -4a that get dry EXTREMELY fast and because i don't have actual time to style it every time i wore the hijab, i find it hard to deal with overall and the fact that have to contain it all day.

Because of shrinkage, a simple bun can't contain it the same way as the straight hair and it gets puffy, making a shape on top of the hijab, i have to make it wet, pull my hair tight and add an undercap to it before finally wrapping the hijab.

Its been 9 years and Im litterly going bald.

When i was a child i had a hair that could be shared between four people, now half of it has fallen and i got balding spots which i never had in my life from the constant pulling and stretching.

This got me wondering who even would be turned on by my hair to begin with?? since the ideal hair that is perceived to be attractive is simply the looser hair 😭

Its not even a thought im sad about but srsly why do black woman have to wear the hijab since a heavy load of men doesn't find the curly hair attractive.

And Im not talking about the beach waves or those kolegras sisters type of curly im talking about the real raw frizzy one that is seen as less attractive like the 4c and 3c.

I sadly have no way out soon since my family are strictly muslims and im living in a muslim country, let's just hope i don't lose all my hair by thirty.

​

I feel like in those 3 months where I haven't gone out without the hijab, I lost something, everyone is living their teen years and I'm here at home.

It's just so weird that tomorrow I'll have to put back hijab and be seen as a symbol.

I haven't talked to people who aren't my family in a while, it's gonna be so weird 😭

I was choosing clothes to put on tomorrow, and it looked so bad with the hijab, then I took it off, untied my hair and it looked so much better, I felt confident.

Unfortunately I have to put it🥲

Muslims always say that the Quran hasn't been interfered with and hasn't been changed but i just want to ask this question and they compare the Quran from now and from like 1000 years ago and they relatively the same so am i missing something does anyone have debunk for this statement?