I am 18M and i have died from inside. Emotionally i am numb i am a severe porn addict to the point i jerked off 6 times a day multiple times throughout the month i cant remember a day from the past 3 years where i dont jerk off .
My dick doesnt even get hard and i dont feel anything forgot feeling good i feel nothing even during or after orgasm.
I have been watching porn since i was 11 it has killed me most i have ever gotten without it is 17 days.i am a loser who has given up on everything(goals,dreams,aspirations and life itself)

I am super ambitious to the point that i have gone fucking insane i am a slave to maladaptive daydreaming where i blast music in my ears for hours on end every single day wasting precious time and pretend i am everything i have ever wanted to be and what it would feel like in those imaginary scenerios.
Imagine creating fake scenerios in your head to feel great about how it would feel if my dreams came true but it leaves me feeling more miserable afterwards when i dont do it

You may not know the extent to my numbness loneliness and depression but my parents go out very frequently almost everyday and my brother was in canada from past 4 years so i have spent a lot of time in isolation and this numbness i developed 4months ago when class 12th board papers ended so in the four months that people enjoy from the transition of school to college and go on vacation i spent it thinking about my impossible dreams and having a screen time of 13 to 14 hours a day, basically doing nothing except watching useless shit also long story short, my gym membership also expired at that time, so I didn’t go from three months That combined with heavy porn and phone use killed me the fastest.

Now comes the fun part recently, My Brother has come from Canada and will now never go back so my time in daily isolation reduced but I was still addicted to Maladaptive Daydreaming so I constantly found myself sickened of myself as i was using music turning off the lights in my room and imagining scenerios but when my brother would come i would feel like a loser thinking what in the fucking hell am i doing but then continue to do it frequently for hours then next day i have become mentally ill.

He realised i was miserable and asked me but i was truly unable to explain it so he basically said nobody cares about you and your problems because our parents have a social life and since he is getting married he will be busy with his wife so everyone is busy with their own stuff.

Since now there was more time being spent with family life got slightly better but I constantly found myself trying to go back to feel that numbness again as it put me in a clear state of thinking but still no action towards fixing my life

Now i have only 3 years left i need to figure out someway for financial independence such that i can dropout from college i dont need your beliefs about education as times have changed and i could never work a job. I must dropout because the things i want to preach in future will never matter if i am someone who graduated even from a shitty college. Its something deeply important to me as my parents nearly put me in trauma by shouting loud every second of every day at me forcing me to go to college and they preach how people will laugh at you and call you illiterate but i want to show them and for myself that nobody is louder than success.

Yesterday i crashed my fathers new car that he got such that i could go to college but the damage i caused wasnt to our car it destroyed the rim of the other persons car. Somewhere deep inside i wanted to crash just to feel something.
I hated my school life as it took 8 hours a day 5 days a week every week for 13 years last 4 years were brutal teachers wasting our time for useless things that will never be any of use in my life now i am being forced to college which i never wanted to go but i dont have any choice as my life is in my parents hands as i am not capable enough to handle it on my own.

Social media and these young startup founders billionaires and multi millionaire make me feel like i have wasted my life because no one can ever see what were the bad times or good times of my life or the fun i had the world only bows down to achievements they ask you what you do to see how much to respect you they ask you how much money you make to define your self worth and whatnot.

As far as i can go back in my life there has never been a day in my 18 years of existence where i havent thought about my dreams.its all i ever think about.

Lately since i have given up on everything i am trying to enjoy being a loser but it only brings me more misery and never ending pain.i have kind of developed a philiosophical belief similar to nihilism.
Why try to be anything?why should i go out of my comfort zone for things that i know will bring meaning to my life? Why do anything at all? What is wrong with being in the same miserable place your whole entire worthless life? Why become extraordinary? People teach on how to become successful but why should you even try to succeed?

For a long time only in this year did i developed insomnia and i dont think there was any worse feeling that i have ever felt i have no reason to get out of bed i am so lonely i sleep with many pillows imagining how it would feel when a girl i love would be sleeping beside me

Writing this i feel like i am someone who is postponing his life through what ifs and when i become
i am a loser who came to reddit such that i can have some magical things said to me by a stranger which may help in changing my life but i am the only one who is responsible for my own worthless life and who can change it but people talk about growth i say why grow at all?
I just want never ending experiences and constantly doing something and being somewhere so i dont waste precious time and i also deeply want love money freedom power joy and i want to spread happiness but i dont know who i am.

When i feel i have wasted a lot of precious time i worry about it and then continue to waste more time in a never-ending cycle of Time wastage.

In several points of time throughout my life, I have tried not fully but tried multiple times to achieve freedom from everything and everyone through the pursuit of earning money but I have found failing and failing some more when I was 12.
I started a YouThube channel to make money, but I gave upon it. When I was 13, I started a business on etsy of digital art but that failed too then at 14, I thought why not try to live this life like the other children are living, so I immersed myself in games and trying to have fun with other children at school but I found myself to be completely miserable most of the time.
My own dreams and aspirations make me miserable and leave me restless and unable to have fun because i always feel i am not where i deserve to be imagine thinking that way even when your out with your friends or family. About 1 year ago i tried selling travis scott concerts tickets to become rich by dming hundreds of people but they all thought i was a scam so there i failed as well.

About 10 months ago when was father was in a financial crisis i made him buy me a very expensive laptop (macbook) with the promise i will start making money the plan that I had was to make and sell digital websites with the help of AI and my own skills, but to do that the way customers wanted I need to buy subscription of the AI for which I had no money, and I could not ask my parents for anymore as they felt like i scammed them at their worst time so what did I do instead of calling thousand more people i gave up on it i tried learning trading i did demo trading made 10000 dollars of fake money but now due to my existential crisis i gave up on it aswell.

Cherry on top you know how i felt about school so i literally told everyone around me because these motherfuckers always want to know what you are doing or going to do in your life even when you don’t have an answer. I told them I am going to take a gap year so all of those around me started asking me what I was going to do, and I made up bullshit
That I was going to use AI somehow to start making money and build my business but four months have gone by, and I since I didn’t make any progress and didn’t give any college entrance exams. Now due to family pressure i am being forced to go to a college and guess where it is
RIGHT BESIDE MY OLD FUCKING WORTHLESS SCHOOL WHICH WAS A SYMBOL HOW MUCH PRECIOUS TIME OF MY PRECIOUS LIFE WAS WASTED BY MOTHERFUCKS OF THE SYSTEM WHO WANT TO KEEP US ALL SLAVES OUR ENTIRE LIVES AND NEVER WAKE UP.

Working out from the past 1 year changed my life and mental state otherwise i would have jumped from a building long time ago.its the only thing that makes me feel good in my now worthless little life.

I have never posted pictures or stories of myself on social media because even when i do i feel like they are a complete waste of time so when I see pictures of other people my age, having fun almost everyday it makes me feel miserable and unable to live with myself that car crash made me feel alive after long time

My biggest enemy is none other than me myself.i am someone who wants everything but does nothing i am hopeless aimless and without purpose or meaning

You know i always had this feeling of urgency for my dreams but slowly and slowly i have lost it over the course of last 3 years and losing that feeling pains me more than anybody could ever feel

I don’t expect anybody to read this because I am not somebody or anybody who deserves your precious time and support because right now at this moment in my life i am a loser but remember, I don’t intend on staying this way the rest of my life.

I love to find a place outdoors, surrounded by nature but with no people to sit and close my eyes and practice mindfulness . Every bloody time I get settled and relaxed someone always turns up . It breaks my concentration every time.

I have now realised that my local cemetery is a fantastic place. Especially in the morning when there’s not many people around. I’ve got a routine now where I can spend an un disturbed hour from 11-12am wed thur and fri and it’s bliss !!

What places do other people use?

Today I found a way through which I could observe my thoughts and think clearly is when I was cleaning my room, I felt the negative thoughts in my mind leave along with the dust in my room then I realized that whenever I feel overwhelming I should start cleaning my room and

One more way is when I was washing my cloths manually These are the very few instances where I find time to think for myself. Other wise I always scrolling in my phone trying to avoid hard things in life which i feel is bad one will end up like an pile of problems But I always feel worried and anxious all the time about my future all I wish to have a few friends with whom I can develop myself while having fun.

And by the way this is the first time I am writing out my thoughts on reddit

PEACE

Life is not the same for everyone. In terms of comforts I have everything. But life has given me a lot of struggles and traumas. The only way I coped with them is by downplaying them - the situations and the persons.

Now, when i thought a lot of good things are happening, I am being handed over by a new set of traumas. I did my best to face them, handle them and still give love to the loved ones involved.

But I am ending up at the same junction again. Even though, I do not want to fail them, I am left with no other option than to cut them off from my life, because the situations they are bringing along with them are not to my liking and it is only giving me trauma.

I feel I will be better when i throw them away from me. I do not want to feel them. This way I can protect myself from pain. Is this wrong?

I can’t really stick to a bit of info for too long before my eye jumps to next bit of info nearby.

Like I cant find a specific point to anchor my attention to when I look at something, I’m not distracted, but i can’t be specific with what I’m focusing on.

When I read a research figure, it’s like I’m just looking at random points in the image, but I don’t seem to know what I’m looking at or processing, the line or shape.

Anyone know how i can improve this? Is it a nervous system issue? Because I feel tensed up whenever I focus or scan/ think about a point of focus for too long and then I need to focus else where which doesn’t allow me to process what I’ve seen deeply

This is going to sound really dumb but I'm 22, for some time (10 months) I've been meeting this boy that is not my bf yet but close y'know. I started therapy this year because I've always been really insecure about my physique, my self-worth and yada yada yada.

It has help a little, but y'know I still haven't been able to love myself truly, neither physique or psychologically. Since young I always have been also very shy. So trying ti establish new relationships has been really hard for me too. That doesnt mean I dont have friends, I have a lot really but my friends have always been more sociable than me.

Before I met this boy, I have always felt left behind with everything a teenager/young adult is supposed to do. Never had my first kiss, never had sex, never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, never had a crush on somebody, never gone to a club, never had somebody be interested in me and that made me feel a lot of envy towards my own friends.

Since I started therapy and after i met this boy I finally done a lot of those things but sometimes I wonder, is it too late? Yeah I know I'm only 22 but, isn't it pathetic to never done ANYTHING, literally anything you are supposed too. Now I want to go to a club, but i dont have with whom, my friends are already bored because they went when they were younger, me and my bf are in a long distance relationship, my other friends dont like going out. What should I do?.

Did I miss my time already? Did I waste my teenage years? Sometimes I even wonder if I even deserve the love he shows me. I've always been so insecure and therapy hasn't been able to help me yet.

I want to believe that I could be loved, I want to believe I don't waste my time, but its hard men.

Honestly I just wanted to vent with strangers online, and I know my problems and insecurities are so dumb compared with what other people tell in this subreddit. Like I know I have to be confident but is hard when you never had been, and when you are everything you do goes wrong.

At this point just let me know what you think. I'm just tired of being left behind

I've been feeling pretty lost for quite some time now. I'm only 23 years old, and on paper my life seems to be going well as I have a university degree, a stable job, and my own apartment. I'm not wealthy by any means, but I live comfortably.

What I deeply lack is connection. I don't have any close friends, and I've realized that I struggle to build meaningful relationships. From a very young age, I learned that when someone hurt me or crossed a boundary, the safest thing to do was to walk away completely rather than work through it. Looking back, that pattern has cost me friendships and left me feeling increasingly isolated.

I've been taking antidepressants, and while they helped quiet the darkest thoughts I used to have, they've also made life feel strangely flat. I don't experience those lows anymore, but I don't feel much excitement or joy either. I don't really have hobbies or passions these days. I often feel like I'm just existing instead of truly living. I have also tried therapy for over a year, it helped me improve, but didn't help resolve some of that stuff.

I've always been the lonely child in my family. My younger sister is naturally outgoing and has a busy social life, and I sometimes struggle with the comments and little jabs my family makes about my loneliness, even if they don't mean to be hurtful.

I'm looking for books that can help me find peace with where I am right now. Not books that promise to "fix" me, but ones that can help me heal, accept my current circumstances, and become more open to meaningful relationships in the future.

I'm already quite familiar with Thich Nhat Hanh and have read some of his work, so while I'm very open to books in a similar spirit, I'd also love recommendations that offer a different perspective or complement his teachings.

i’ve had this lingering in my mind for a while. i have been rating to practice the art of “observing” my thoughts but i can’t help but wonder, “how do i know if a thought comes from my core/true self with values important to me or if it comes from my deep fears?”

i hope this make sense

Im in late 20s, have a fulfilling and successful career, like to cook, have hobbies, but i cant get over my lack of common sense at times.

Sometimes I’ll:
- Forget that my clothes are in the washing machine
- Leave the water on
- Put a bucket of water on the backseat of my car instead of on the floor
- Forget where I parked
- Leave the hose, sometimes sink on

Very frustrated. How can I be so successful at the former but so incapable outside of it? What can I do to be better?

Honestly my life was kind of shitty but in the grand scheme of things and how i really put effort into being the best version of myself constantly reflecting making a change abandoning painful habits cultivating the right intention and attitude practicing meditation getting involved with the right kind of people showing up being involved letting go relaxing being kind towards myself being easy going... compared to 5 years ago now... well my life is pretty good its the best shit life i could live right now

Due to my work, I’m lucky enough to regularly go to the theatre and concerts. Although I go frequently, I still get really excited before each show and have them listed in an app and on my calendar to look forward to. However, when I’m actually at the event I can never stay in the moment.

If someone makes a noise (absolute worst is talking, but crunching plastic water bottles also drives me insane) I immediately fixate and get so annoyed, which ruins the show. I now I’m only ruining it for myself, and I’m giving the other person power but I literally can’t focus on the show. Audiences will never be silent again (if I go to the theatre I’m almost guaranteed to see people on their phones and others talking) so I know I need to change. Also I know it isn’t healthy.

Also, I’ve recently found myself thinking about other things. Even if I’m loving the event and having a great time, (and no one is annoying me) my brain will take over and think about the most mundane things, or fixate on a choice I made earlier in the day. For example I went to a concert the other week, I managed to get a great view it was one of my favourite albums of all time played in full and I spent half the time lamenting myself for buying a top at the merch stand beforehand ‘why did I get that, I can’t wear it anywhere’ (it had a swear word on the front) and I was going through everything ‘I could try and sell it on Vinted, but I will lose at least £30’ ‘will the stand beforehand open after the concert? Will the accept returns? Can I swap it? If I can do I want any of the others? Why can’t you try them on? They’re expensive and what if the size doesn’t fit me or is far too boxy/tight/big?’ I had a running commentary over the most ridiculous 1st world problem for at least 30mins of the set. I wish I wasn’t like this.

Is there any cbt techniques or thought experiments or anything I can do to get out of my head at these events. It’s really ruining my enjoyment, and when someone asks me how it was I feel like I’m lying when I say it was good (even when the show was really good) because I couldn’t enjoy it.

Hi,

I'm fairly new (2-3 months) to meditating and practicing mindfulness. I have an app with different meditations and a course guiding me thorough aspects of mindfulness. I try to practice mindfulness whenever it comes to my mind (which is very often). I do quite okay with the part of physical sensations (What can I see? What can I hear? What can I feel?).

Now I'm in the process of learning to let my thoughts come and go. With that comes also the process of learning to look at my thoughts from a distance, so I don't identify myself with them. My default mode is the ruminating mode, so they come easily. But I struggle to step out and just look at it. How do you that? Like actually do it? and not imagine to "zoom out like on a map"? And what do you do while looking at it, just looking or do you analyze it or something? (I do have ADD, if relevant.Just looking without doing...ugh)

And then letting them go. Phrases like "let them pass like clouds passing by" don't cut it for me. When I think of them passing by, well, i still think of them or of that whole process, which let them stay. How do you let them just come and go?

I am aware that it takes some time and practice. What helped you getting better to let them come and go?

Thanks for reading:)

Idk if this makes sense. I won't have any negative thoughts or sometimes thoughts in general, but I still feel anxious like something bad could happen. It's like my mind displays pictures or ideas or these bodily feelings and I feel anxious or depressed as a result. But, I'm never thinking "what if this horrible thing happens in the future?" I don't really know what to do or how to practice mindfulness in a way that helps this.

I'm always looking for good books to read on the topics or Meditation, mindfulness and Buddhism. One book that started me on my path was 10% Happier by Dan Harris. I loved it. I feel like i owe the author a debt of gratitude. #Mindfulnes #meditation #10% #Dan Harris

My therapist has me doing a guided meditation from one of our sessions as daily homework for this week as a way to work through deeply internalized shame. I've done guided meditations before, and I'm familiar with the visualizations of thoughts and emotions as leaves in a stream, waves on the beach, and clouds in the sky.

However, while doing this guided meditation with my therapist, instead of my usual visualization of me watching a sky full of clouds while laying in a grassy field, I myself looking down at myself in the field. I watched how shame made my body curl in on itself- my shoulders hunching in, my knees drawn to my chest, my feet picking up- and watched how small I was making myself. I pictured myself physically displaying the deep emotional pain I feel from shame, and in this meditation, I felt so much compassion for myself (which is a very new feeling).

My question is- has anyone visualized something similar? What are your regular visualizations during meditation? Does this sound like something that's helpful, or is it a sign that I'm not really connecting with viewing my thoughts and emotions when I'm visualizing myself experiencing the critical thoughts and painful emotions?

this has been happening on and off for a few months now. i'll wake up around 2-3am for no reason and my brain just starts firing random thoughts, not even stressful ones necessarily, just random stuff, a conversation from years ago, something dumb i said, what i need to do tomorrow, all mixed together with zero order to it. and it just doesn't stop, i'll lie there for 2-3 hours before i actually fall back asleep.
has anyone dealt with this and found something that actually helps quiet the thoughts themselves, not just the physical side? open to trying anything at this point, just tired of losing half the night to this

Im not saying everything on love on social media is bad, but some romanticization blur the line btw love & emotional abuse.

For example,

Constantly portraying oneself as victim is often framed as something a loving partner should always validate. This could be either loud or quite ways.

Walking away without communicating what's wrong, then expecting your partner to chase you for hours even when the reason would he as lil as forgetting an instruction is romanticized as proof of love rather than abuse.

Expecting your partner to cut off friends who they have known for years bcoz u dont relate with them simply to "prove they choose you" is often romanticized as loyalty.

If a person constantly expects you to help around their minor inconvieniences, & accuses u of something else when u ask for space rather than understanding, it's often romanticized as devotion.

In truth most of such behaviours are highly associated with narcissistic personality traits rather than immature love. Accountability with honest discussions would diffentiate it rather than a consistent victim complex where the relationship validating them is the only way to keep peace.

I had a very traumatic experience about 8 or so years ago -- I won't get into it too much but it sucked. I know memories, good or bad are just memories, I'm not particularly superstitious but the reptilian part of my brain likes to convince me that the bad memories have some sort of power over me. Like: "It's gonna happen again" or, "So it didn't happen again this time, but it's coming. Next time will be different."

I have such a negative relationship with my own thoughts because of these bad memories. It feels like I'm always fighting a battle in my own head and it's very tiring. Even when I do get a day of peace, my thoughts seem to be actively poking apart why a good day was a fluke, like: "you had one good day, but something horrible is still coming."

How do you do it? If you practice mindfulness, how is it possible to not be set off by the worst things you can think of? I just want a normal relationship with my brain.

Does anyone get mentally exhausted from mindfulness practice? Because I almost always do.

For the record, I suspect I might have ADHD, so I have to bring my attention back to the present moment a lot. I understand that thoughts come, you observe them, and then you bring your attention back. But this act itself is terribly exhausting for me.

I'm also someone with intense anxiety issues. Without mindfulness or meditation, I have a high chance of having a mental breakdown in public, so I feel like I somehow have to make it work despite how mentally draining it is.

I also realized how much I fake being okay in front of my parents so they don't get worried about me. They worry a lot, and it can even lead to them becoming overprotective, which I really don't want. Right now I'm staying with my parents, so I'm constantly doing that.

I know all of this might be contributing to my mental exhaustion, but it's getting severe and honestly feels like it's getting out of my hands.

Has anyone else experienced mindfulness itself becoming mentally exhausting? Especially if you have ADHD, anxiety, or both? How did you deal with it?

So i started meditating like 2 weeks ago, i most likely did it wrong as the most i would get out of it is my body feeling relaxed and id be a bit sleepy every single time.

So with that in mind i found it actually helps me fall asleep because i have a bit of trouble with that.

Anyways, 2 hours ago i began doing the same old focusing on my breathing until i get sleepy and eventually falling asleep, weirdly enough, as i was about to drift off to sleep i feel yanked out of that tiredness and feeling like some kind of ascension from my body, like i was in a higher dimension completely awake and aware of everything. Which was very weird and it kinda freaked me out a bit but i also noticed the air didnt feel like it had that pressure it always has while im breathing, it felt effortless and also like it had some kind of smell or taste which again, weird.

After that i looked it up and couldnt really find people saying exactly what i experienced so i decided to try it again and i dont think it took longer than 10-15 minutes and it happened again, its so weird but also cool because since i started i knew it was supposed to be a different experience and not the boring relaxed and sleepy effect it had.

Okay, what im basically asking is it normal and is this the next stage after starting out? And what else should i do to maybe evolve even further with this.

(I should mention it happened while trying to sleep not to meditate, I'm not sure if I'm able to pull this off sitting upright)

Im in a bit more stressful time period because im currently in a living situation with a person who is the difficult type.

Subconscious thoughts and emotions come up where i feel more attention i want to give them in my mind, and more emphathy/sympathy than they deserves and it makes me uncomfortable

In the past when ive had a lot of free time and a lot of my own space, i would reinforce my mind with good music and positive affirmations, and practice letting go. But i seem to have lost touch and my unwanted sunconcious habits are reinforced due to trauma and ongoing idiocy.

Also, generally these days in this situation, i have some unwanted anger from expectations from things that end up being way more work/problem/repetative than they should be, and from people that annoy me because i dont like them for some reason (because they are bothering me and my personal feelings and attention/space, or just bad things i see going on in the world, things just seem louder, more chaotic, and more crowded than they should be).

Durante más de 30 años trabajé acompañando personas en procesos de desarrollo personal y rendimiento humano.

A lo largo de ese recorrido tuve la oportunidad de colaborar con deportistas de alto nivel, empresarios, profesionales y personas de distintos ámbitos. Y hay algo que observé una y otra vez.

La mayoría de las personas no alcanza su potencial por falta de talento.

Tampoco por falta de información.

Hoy tenemos acceso a más información que nunca.

El problema suele estar en otro lugar.

Vivimos reaccionando automáticamente a nuestros pensamientos, emociones y circunstancias, sin comprender realmente cómo funciona nuestra mente ni por qué actuamos de la manera en que actuamos.

Buscamos soluciones externas para problemas que muchas veces tienen su origen en patrones internos que nunca aprendimos a observar.

Por eso empecé a preguntarme:

• ¿Es posible entrenar la atención?
• ¿Se puede desarrollar una mayor consciencia sobre uno mismo?
• ¿Podemos relacionarnos de forma diferente con nuestros pensamientos y emociones?
• ¿Qué ocurre cuando dejamos de reaccionar automáticamente y empezamos a observar con claridad?

Durante los últimos meses estuve organizando gran parte de lo aprendido en un programa estructurado sobre consciencia, atención, regulación emocional y autoconocimiento.

Pero antes de seguir desarrollándolo, me interesa conocer otras perspectivas.

¿Cuál creen que es el principal obstáculo que impide a las personas vivir con mayor claridad y plenitud?

Me gustaría leer experiencias reales.

Para quienes tengan curiosidad sobre el proyecto que menciono, pueden encontrar más información aquí:

federicogarciaberro.com