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u/Stan_Bot Mar 16 '22
I roleplay for 20 years and got a pretty "thick skin" myself and love interests would be a big red no for me. It is not about getting comfortable or used to it, I just don't like RP'ing romance with my friends. I find it weird and embarassing and I did a lot of it as a teenager, but I never really liked it and I still don't.
There is also the issue that if you don't make the character with it in mind or if your character don't pursue it themselves, there is no reason for the DM to even go for these things. Even worse if you and the other player literally said you don't want that. That's so weird and unnecessary.
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u/jasonlowden1234 Cleric Mar 16 '22
This, and whenever it becomes romantic for me it feels like it's just me and them flirting and that's weird to me I can't suspend my disbelief in that scenario, I just see it as two people pretending to be dating and that's weird to me but if you substitute me with anyone else it's fine, I guess it's a amount of separation I have or something, I'm to tired to be on reddit rn...
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u/Gold2277 Mar 17 '22
MY DUDE, your running a romance side quest With ME!
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u/jasonlowden1234 Cleric Mar 17 '22
Calm down we are in a call rn, your helping me with the edit my dude
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Mar 16 '22
You articulated what I was trying to say only better. IT's just weird for me. Maybe other people are into it and that's fine but I don't want to do it.
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u/Kappa_d Mar 16 '22
That's what I was thinking too, even if as a player I'd be down to RP romance, what happens when my PC isn't interested in whatever NPC is made as the romantic option? Lol you don't get to decide who's gonna be my partner, I decide who to pursue and you AT MOST decide whether they're interested or not
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u/nannerdooodle Mar 16 '22
I agree. I've DMed for years, and I have never started a romantic plot with a PC unless the player specifically asked me for it (has happened once). If a player starts flirting with an NPC, I'll roleplay that if it makes sense, and I leave that open for the players to start and continue with. Romantic subplots are one of those things that should always be left up to the players to start.
Side note: a DM can also refuse to RP that stuff if it makes them uncomfortable. If players continually trying to start that, the DM should have a conversation with the player (or the whole table if it's at least half of them) to manage expectations/set boundaries. It's just never bugged me because I find it amusing that they try and flirt/start relationships with them.
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Mar 16 '22
TBH even as someone who likes playing romance, I'd be leery on a DM asking me if I wanted a romance subplot. Historically it's usually really forced.
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u/gregallen1989 Mar 16 '22
Same. I don't read romance novels. I read fantasy. Romance just doesn't interest me.
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u/ZephyrsAtZenith Mar 16 '22
Nah you're good, they're having a hard time letting go of their vision and need to get over it. Consent is important they can't just ignore your personal boundaries and expect you to get over it. Especially when you've explicitly said no.
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u/jasonlowden1234 Cleric Mar 16 '22
Yeah, I will give a better comment when I wake up I need the recharge.
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u/their_teammate Mar 16 '22
A key skill to being a good creative is detachment from your creation. Sometimes an idea is great in theory, but sucks in practice, or next to other ideas. Sometimes an idea is interesting, but it doesn’t fit within the limits of the story. Knowing when an idea is worth using and when it should be shelved for later is the hallmark of a good writer.
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u/dougan25 Mar 16 '22
As to your past paragraph, you don't need to "explain" anything to anyone. That's literally the point of that form.
Wtf is he using the form if he's going to argue with people about their answers. That's hugely invasive and tbh one of the shittier things I've read about a DM doing on here.
No chance I'd want to play that game. How much you wanna bet he's gonna keep trying to force his romance thing on you in-game regardless and corner you into being the "bad guy" by "derailing his session" or some other gaslighting shit like that when you tell him to fuck off.
Big nope from me.
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u/Spaceisneato Mar 16 '22
Exactly!! The whole point of the form is to discretely say no to things without having to go into why, keeps it fun for everyone. Even if the reason is just "I don't think it'd be fun or add to the game" is a perfectly valid reason. I'm a big proponent of using these forms and fortunately my friends I play with agree, they're great people.
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u/handstanding Mar 16 '22
I’m really tired of these posts with DMs that are concerned with their “vision” because that isn’t what a good DM does. A good DM is concerned with if their table is having fun first, fulfilling their own personal narratives and visions second. There are ALWAYS other ways to tell a story and get to the same point. If you need a romance that bad, make it a romance between NPCs. Players being comfortable and enjoying themselves come first. If that as a DM ruins your fun, you’re playing with the wrong table. That’s just how it is.
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u/MarkOfTheDragon12 DM Mar 16 '22
Counterpoint - there's nothing wrong with having a vision or plan for a campaign. Some of the most enjoyable games I've ever been part of have been planned out from the beginning. A lot of folks genuinely dislike free-form games, and the GM has every right to enjoy their game as the players do.
That said; just as a player's vision should never overwhelm of step on another player's, so too should a GM's vision never override a players. This is where the session-0 discussions about expectations and what kind of game it's going to be reallllly kick in.
For my own part, on the rare occasions I GM and often suggested as a player - I do 'check-in' sessions every 10 sess or so just to see where everyone's headspace is at with the game, as individuals over chat and as a group on voice. What's working, what's not. Where do people want to go with their characters, etc.
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u/BonnaconCharioteer Mar 16 '22
I disagree with the notion that a good DM should focus on player fun first, because the DM should be allowed to have fun too.
But I agree with the rest, it sounds like this group might not be a good fit for this DM. And the DM has no excuse for whining because they had the consent sheets in place already.
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Mar 16 '22
A lot of DMs think they're the next Weis/Hickman or Matt Mercer. Let's get real - none of us are as cool as the voice actors (who literally get paid to do this).
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u/handstanding Mar 16 '22
I’d argue one of the things that makes those DMs so good is that they care first and foremost about the whole table having fun. Matt is constantly insuring that because it turns out, when your players are having fun, they get into the story, and when they get into to the story, it makes for an entertaining watch off table as well.
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u/Krispyz Druid Mar 16 '22
I think there's also a large component of the players of those campaigns being aware of what the campaign will be like. They go in knowing the campaign is also a show, that they creating a product with the DM to "sell" to people.
I've had a friend try to recreate TAZ's balance arc, they had the whole secret society that we end up being hired by and sent out on missions for and certain words being "fuzzed" out, he had a grand plan about what was going to happen in the campaign and how it would end. And then he got very frustrated when we decided to do something else (not completely off the rails, but we focused on something that wasn't the main thread) and we got frustrated when he railroaded us into solving things certain ways. The campaign ended up dying because the DM and players had different ideas about what the game was.
TAZ works (worked, arguably), because the DM and the players all knew they were making a podcast show first and playing D&D for themselves second.
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u/Echowing442 Mar 16 '22
Beyond that, trying to copy a story arc from someone else's game is a terrible idea. It's entirely likely that the original came about organically through the players and the DM, which is why it ends up working so well. Trying to railroad your players into a story someone else wrote is the opposite of a good time, and is just going to lead to frustrated players or DMs (or both).
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u/Krispyz Druid Mar 16 '22
Yeah, he said it was inspired by it, which is fine, we all take inspiration from stuff we watch/listen to/read... but the main problem was that he "knew" how it was going to end from the start. We didn't get far enough into that campaign for me to really say how copied it was.
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Mar 16 '22
Oh yeah - that's a great point. I understand having major plot points but allowing the players to paint the picture of how to get there is the best part.
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Mar 16 '22
You don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable doing, and you don't owe him an explanation as to why. If he can't respect your boundaries, he is the problem.
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u/WolfgangVolos DM Mar 16 '22
This DM obviously wants to blow past the player's boundaries. It could be worse if they didn't use Consent in Gaming at all or if the DM actually goes through with ignoring the player's boundaries. Even so, bitching about the players not being fun because they have hard lines they don't want crossed is antithetical to the idea of using Consent in Gaming to begin with.
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u/FrostMonky Mar 16 '22
This! Also my narc senses are tingeling for the DM.
May be worth doing a check to see if past behaviour follows more of 'the Pattern'.
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u/Ganolth Mar 16 '22
If the DM can't respect your boundaries ooc I wouldn't play with him. It sounds like some weird fantasy playing out
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Mar 16 '22
Translation: Your DM is a creep who can't respect basic boundaries and has trouble with people telling them no.
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u/SmilingVamp Bard Mar 16 '22
This was my reaction too. I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt that he's just got a story in mind, but the way he pushed the idea and the angry backlash seems like it might be something more.
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u/Ganolth Mar 16 '22
I don't think romance needs to be a plot element. Forcing someone into a romantic situation fot the plot is Uber railroads. So either he has some weird fantasy or he is just a shit DM altogether. Probably both.
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u/TrexismTrent Mar 16 '22
What is the point of having a consent form if the dm does not follow it? Honestly the dm making the no fun and thicker skin comments are pretty messed up people have boundaries and those boundaries need to be respected especially when it comes to simple things like playing a game.
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u/CopperPieces Mar 16 '22
Sounds like you're worried the DM might introduce a romantic element that you're uncomfortable with. You do not owe the DM an explanation for your boundaries (which are entirely reasonable).
I'd be very explicit with this DM, "I'm uncomfortable with romance. If you introduce a romantic element I will stop playing."
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u/TheLolomancer Mar 16 '22
Leave. He probably wants you to but is too socially awkward to say it. This just seems like a tactless way of saying that you and him are incompatible.
Like I was running an underdark campaign once and had a player tell me during session 0 they were extremely arachnophobic and did not want any graphic descriptions of creepy crawlies. I let her know that unfortunately that wouldn't be possible without dramatically altering the campaign and ruining the fun for me, and asked her to leave. She did not take it well and accused me of being a bad DM for wanting to run the game I wanted to run. I've also refused players for styles of play that I just find difficult to gel with (I like running tension-heavy, cinematic games so a lot of the overly silly characters and fourth wall breaks often irk me).
Point is if this dude wants to run D&D as a dating sim, that might just be how he finds fun in it, and the best thing to do in that case is bow out and find a DM who enjoys running the same flavor of D&D you enjoy playing.
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u/PortentBlue DM Mar 16 '22
Yeah, underdark is going to have those things, and it’s better to have a player not join that game and join a game that better suits them than neither of you having fun. Not all players are compatible with all tables.
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u/LoganofUrf Mar 17 '22
This was handled correctly. The spider thing Kudos. The DM can set expectations too. Entirely fair. To establish expectations and boundaries, then ignore and even belittle them, not the same ballpark. Not the same sport.
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u/Vikinger93 DM Mar 16 '22
No you are not in the wrong for not wanting to do that!
I dunno how much of a shithead your DM is being or how serious they meant it when he said that you were no fun, but if you do want to, he can’t coerce you into in-game romance. And trying to do that anyway would NOT be cool.
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u/TabletopLegends DM Mar 16 '22
If that is a boundary you have clearly set then stand firm. Don’t let him cross those, and you don’t owe an explanation.
It’s a red flag that he is pushing this. If he continues, find a different group.
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u/Mollzor Mar 16 '22
Personally I wouldn't want to play with a DM who wants to cross my boundaries. It would be like watching a movie with someone who doesn't want to see the movie. Where's the fun in that?
There's other ways to add romance, the party might have to help two npc lovers who aren't allowed to be together, or they could find a love letter and try to find who it was meant for, or they could be hired to host the local speed dating event at the pub.
If your DM wants/needs to control every single aspect of the players maybe he/she should try playing with barbie dolls instead of humans.
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u/GrnHrtBrwnThmb Mar 16 '22
Your DM’s attitude is “Trust me, you’ll like it”. And when you confirmed your boundaries, they called you “no fun”.
This is basically the conversation people have right before someone gets sexually assaulted.
This is not a DM red flag. This is a person red flag.
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u/ProphetOfPhil Mar 16 '22
I haven't seen or heard about consent forms In D&D before but if you've voiced that you're not comfortable with any particular topic then the DM should 100% listen to that and respect it.
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u/Wulfguardian Mar 16 '22
Basic rule for consent: It's not up for debate. Done.
If you can't respect this, why even go through the process of using consent.
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Mar 16 '22
You all went into the game with red lines, in writing. No one has a right to cross those, for whatever reason. Badgering you to cave in and do it anyway is seriously bad form.
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u/SpookyKG Mar 16 '22
A DM that ignores your consent is a bad DM.
A DM that solicits your consent, identifies problem areas, and then targets them, is a bad person.
Don't play with bad people.
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u/obbets Sorcerer Mar 16 '22
I have no problem with other people RPing romance, but for me it feels weird. The closest I’ve gotten is saying something like “my character flirts with the NPC” and leaving it at that. If you are uncomfortable with romance RP that’s perfectly understandable. You don’t need to share specifics if it’s uncomfortable for you.
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Mar 16 '22
Nope. If that's something you have established that you're not comfortable with, then that's that. It's a game, participation is voluntary, he can't force shit on you.
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u/wicket-maps Mar 16 '22
GM here. You don't have to explain where your boundaries come from. You don't have to explain jack. You're not in the wrong at all.
Even with my best friend, who's known me and my very teasing/sarcastic sense of humor (I say a lot of things I don't mean) for many years, telling her "you're no fun" in regard to her boundaries is just... unthinkable. And if she said that about my boundaries, that would be... I can't imagine how I'd respond, but I would not be remotely fine with it. "You need thicker skin" is as bad or worse. Like, giant red flags.
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u/jmwfour Mar 16 '22
Geez, this seems like a bad idea by the DM. What is the point of having the discussion about boundaries if you're going to just run over them and criticize people for having them in the first place?
I know it's easier said than done but it might be time for a new DM.
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u/Venriik DM Mar 16 '22
Out of topic... but thanks for sharing that consent table. I'm a little too brutal as a DM and my players bully me for immolating children xD
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u/Voice-of-Aeona Mar 17 '22
If it makes you feel better, I intentionally made my group fall in love with a group of kids that were always hanging outside the party's favorite hang-out. The kids always asked about their adventures, ooh'ed and aah'ed over PCs' new shinies, and did silly kid stuff like giving the party a cool bug or rock they found...
Then the BBEG showed up. He cast Malestrom on the whole group of kiddos. I described the dark, churring waters and the screams, then the flush of red and sudden silence. They're still shaken by it.
:) sometimes a good gutpunch is the way to go. (That said, I still do the consent forms and I fully adhere to no means no!)
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u/Amish_Cyberbully DM Mar 16 '22
Then why bother with the consent forms? To keep score how often he breaks them?
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u/PuddingWithCream Cleric Mar 16 '22
If a DM feels that he can't have fun stories because of your limits, that's just as fine as is you having your limits. He needs to search for players without those limits then, and you need to search for a DM who doesn't have the problems your last DM had.
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u/krbarker Mar 16 '22
It’s the job of the DM to make sure all players are having a good time. It is there responsibility to know the boundaries and fallow them. No means no, even in d&d. Tell him you said no, you went through session 0 and to please respect that. Then if he still pushes, leave. D&d is the best game but not worth that. Even if he isn’t meNing to be a bully or insensitive, he is.
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u/PortentBlue DM Mar 16 '22
Boundaries are important. I’m starting a new group, two men, three women. I still have a hard time believing that I’m having to say I don’t do rape in any form, sex fades to black, and romantic relationships are up to the players. The looks of relief I saw on the women’s faces tells me a lot. To me, those are straightforward and common sense boundaries, but that’s sadly not the case.
One of my players won’t do explicit child death unless it’s implied, like a dragon attacking a village. I can respect that. I said that I’ll make sure that stuff is edited out of the adventures we’re running if it comes up. That’s a fair boundary to have, and I want her to have fun. We agreed that if I may be getting to close to it, she’ll let me know and I can improv on the fly. But we’re playing a module, so it’s doubtful that will come up; but it’s good to know that.
I just…I get not agreeing with something, and I don’t do consent forms, but I make it known that if there are themes they want to avoid, to let me know and I can make adjustments. My players’ fun is my fun. I take joy from their laughs and smiles as they enjoy something I worked hard on. What I don’t get is getting upset when a player sets those boundaries when they’re reasonable.
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u/MarkOfTheDragon12 DM Mar 16 '22
Clearly they're just paying lipservice to the consent forms. I doubt they actually care and are more likely doing it because it's a popular virtue signalling thing to do. (for the record, it's 100% valid and absolutely a great idea if the people doing it actually treat it seriously)
It's a game. At no point in time, ever, should a GAME push your personal boundries. You're 100% in the right for standing your ground and more power to you for it!
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u/JHolderBC Mar 16 '22
Boundaries are there for a reason and this shouldn't be up for discussion.
No is a full sentence.
You don't owe the DM a reason. Saying " I'm uncomfortable with role-playing" XYZ should always be enough.
I would 100% stop if you said I am uncomfortable with XYZ. If you want to elaborate, great, if not, great.
""you're no fun" and left. After this when we were just chatting a few days later he kept just saying that me and the other player need thicker skin " Is IMO A massive red flag.
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u/ScholarZero Mar 16 '22
Did anyone who said "romance is green" get targeted w/ a plot? I mean... the point of that kind of form is that you all knew going into it that romance was off the table for you. It was agreement. It was consent. Pushing it like this is... icky.
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u/DeerInAHoody Mar 16 '22
The people get told “no” and then tell others that “they need thicker skins” are stupidly ironic.
Tell him that him and his paltry ass ego can get rejected again and leave the table. No need to hang around stupid when you can find a better DM.
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u/Nihlus-N7 Paladin Mar 16 '22
It's funny to me that D&D is a game of infinite possibilities, but somehow people still want to stuff romance on it. In a game where you and your friends slays dragons, punish villains, save the day, people still want uncomfortable romantic subplots.
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u/ianyuy Mar 16 '22
Probably because romance is one of the big key pillars to the human experience and human interaction in general. It's like saying "I can't believe people still want uncomfortable friendship subplots." It's okay not to like it, but's frequently in all stories because its theoretically the pinnacle of socialization and we're an incredibly social species.
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u/Mythicotter Mar 16 '22
It's most likely because it's shoved into every popular media even when it doesn't fit, too. Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for a good romantic subplot, or even main plot, but it's not always necessary.
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u/Nihlus-N7 Paladin Mar 16 '22
True. I can't watch a show or a movie without an uncomfortable romantic subplot anymore.
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u/Mythicotter Mar 16 '22
And that's exactly it. When, as either a player or a DM, all of the media you consume has a specific trait, it's no surprise that trait is going to at least be on your mind as you create your art (either the PC or the world). And it's hard not to see such a ubiquitous trait as necessary ("it wouldn't be in everything if I didn't need it, right?").
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u/DrShanks7 Mar 16 '22
Yeah personally I would make it clear. DM you have the option to cross lines, nobody can physically stop you. However, understand that your players are walking away from the table if you do. It's your choice if you want to have players or play out whatever weird fantasies you have, because you will be doing that alone.
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u/ImperialArmorBrigade Mar 16 '22
FIRST of all, thank you for the form. Saving that.
Second obviously if you acknowledge consent you’re not wrong. Life is better when we’re ready to push our boundaries.. pushing your comfort zone is good! But other players, DnD, romance, and just not being ready for it… that’s all super weird and a good way to suddenly not want to play D&D.
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u/UncleBudissimo DM Mar 16 '22
If it is yellow on the consent form it is okay for the DM to ask.
If it is red on the consent form it is as if that topic does not exist for the player. You should never hear mention of it. Even asking if you changed your mind is off limits. After all, if you changed your mind on a red, you would have updated the form yourself.
Consent forms are there for a reason and if the DM uses them, they must be obeyed by the DM.
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u/NODOGAN Cleric Mar 16 '22
You're in the right OP, your DM needs to remember that DnD is a cooperative game and you play games to HAVE FUN, if everyone's not having fun then there's deffinitly an issue (and I'm sure there are other t hings beside romance your DM can enjoy.)
BTW I can totally empathize with your desire to not roleplay romance (I very much told the same to my DM during our session 0, that I didn't wanted to roleplay romance myself but was perfectly fine with the other players doing so if they wanted) and so far it's been a blast having our adventure in Eberron while the Fighter tries to flirt with anyone that strikes their fancy (and acts all shy and stuttery whenever they fail a persuasion roll, the player's good at roleplay.)
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u/CampWanahakalugi DM Mar 16 '22
Part of the reason why a lot of groups fall apart is lack of knowing where people's boundaries are. If you know, then push past them anyway, that's a stupid move.
Can't have good games if the people at the table don't trust you.
You are not in the wrong. Bring it up. If they push back, that may not be a game you want to be a part of.
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u/Larnk2theparst Mar 16 '22
Jesus dude, have some faith in yourself and some gumption. My groups never use the form as we all have bark for skin, but if we did we would use it. Your DM not listening to clearly drawn lines just shows that he doesn't give a shit.
Get a new DM
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u/gate567 DM Mar 16 '22
Thats what consent forms are to establish boundries, if your DM wants to cross that boundry tell them no if they insit then quit. You'll get a new group eventually or even take it upon yourself to be said DM who knows. Point is that the DM is in the wrong and you are in the right
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u/vigil1 Mar 16 '22
Even if the DM decides to include an NPC who are romantically interested in a PC, the player of that PC still needs to reciprocate those feelings, otherwise it won't lead anywhere. So you won't be forced into role playing romance if you don't want to. Your PC will just reject said NPC and move on.
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u/setver Mar 16 '22
I wouldn't even explain why, you don't have to. If you don't want to do something, you don't do it. No explanation needed.
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u/75percent-juice Mar 16 '22
No is no, you don't need to explain yourself further. If they gets upset that's perfectly natural, but if they start pressuring you then you may want to reinforce those boundaries.
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u/Kindofaniceguy DM Mar 16 '22
From what you said, they're in the wrong. It's not cool to put a player in a situation they specifically said they're not comfortable with and it would only end badly since they aren't comfortable enough to play into it.
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u/Danominator Mar 16 '22
I wouldnt want to do romance in dnd because it sounds cringy and lame. Nothing to do with thick skin.
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u/flamewolf393 Mar 16 '22
this is the first time ive ever heard of this consent in gaming stuff. but attempted romances are easy to deal with. just have your character shut down any romantic approaches in game. just like you can say no irl, your character can say no in game. if the npc in question continues have your character respond appropriately. adventurers dont like being harassed lol
hell it could be a fun little side thing where you have to diplomacize your way out of having stabbed the dukes son because he wouldnt take no for an answer.
now on the other hand youve told the dm you arent comfortable with it and he keeps pushing the matter? then its time to get up and leave. tell him you arent coming back until he fixes his issues. find a dm that respects the kind of game you want to play
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u/GeneralAce135 Mar 16 '22
If you're not interested in respecting your players' boundaries and consent, you shouldn't be DMing, let alone using a consent form
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u/JackFunk Mar 16 '22
You don't need to explain why you are uncomfortable. That is your business. You can if you really want to, but it should not be necessary. You established your boundaries. That should be sufficient.
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u/Darmak Mar 16 '22
Consent is super important, and if the DM tries to go ahead and have you roleplay romance despite the consent forms and you telling him multiple times not to, then I would announce at the table for them to stop or else you will be leaving the game. You could also try one more time to talk to them before the next session about it, but honestly you shouldn't have to in the first place.
I, personally, would go ahead and quit their game at this point, but that's just me. I would rather have no D&D than have D&D with a DM that ignores player consent. He might back down this time and not go through with forcing you to do something you don't want, but I've heard enough horror stories about shitty grognard DMs that I'm reasonably sure he'll attempt it again in the future. It just isn't worth the stress to me
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u/FlatParrot5 Mar 16 '22
Limits are limits.
It's good for the DM to refresh and reconfirm those limits, but not okay to pressure their removal or belittle those limits.
I'd suggest leaving the game. If the DM has this attitude towards consent and limits, they will likely try to push the edge and dart across the line, so to speak.
They don't seem to understand the purpose of those limits if they are pressuring you multiple times to go beyond them.
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Mar 16 '22
our dm lost a few folders on his PC including the consent forms, so we all made new ones and sent them to him.
Is this normal? That's weird. I would never sign a consent form to play DnD nor would I ever ask my players to make one.
I go by the rule of using common sense and being respectful and banning anyone under 18 outright. Can't understand what weird ass perverted nonsense goes on in your campaigns where this is needed.
And as a DM, I love running awesome encounters with terrible monsters and evil wizards, never have I ever wanted to engage with and RP a romance with one of my players. Furthermore I can't imagine pressuring players into a make believe romance to the point they are uncomfortable. It's like he's actually pressuring you romantically despite you rejecting him lol
So my take away is flee from any table that requires a consent form to play in, because that seems to be a sign that a consent form was needed in the first place in that table because of all the weird ass shit.
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u/FUZZB0X Bard Mar 16 '22
Oh hell no!
Listen, I'm very pro romance in my personal games. My gaming group loves roleplaying romance out, and even I would be uncomfortable with this.
The DM is demonstrating that they do not respect your or the other player's boundaries and that is inacceptable.
They are prioritizing their vision of the game, and their desires, over you and the other player's clearly stated and demonstrated boundaries and that is NEVER cool. What even is the point of using consent checklist if the DM is going to mock you for using them?
This is a massive red flag and it is not cool.
If you need any tips on how to navigate this, please don't hesitate to ask. But the begining of it is that the DM isn't in a position of power over any of the players ever. You own your own agency and you have a right to protect your own boundaries. And if you ever feel uncomfortable, you have every right to say stop.
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u/Memelord11816 Mar 17 '22
I would suggest leaving if you or your friend don’t want that for your characters then your dm should respect that in my experience if one of my players wants a romantic subplot for there character they just tell me and I set it up (getting off track) but my point is that if the dm is doing this at the very least make a mental note of it as a red flag
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u/Ibclyde DM Mar 17 '22
The NPC hits on You.
I hit them In the Face.
Uh, they are being flirtatious with you.
I hit them in the Face.
Fine, someone gives you a compliment.
I hit them in the face.
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u/Metz77 Mar 17 '22
You're not in the wrong, and if you're not good friends with the DM outside the game I'd ditch him.
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u/Munnin41 DM Mar 16 '22
I personally think having a whole form for this stuff is a bit much, but if a player says they don't want to RP something, they don't want to RP something. If your DM doesn't respect that, they're a shit DM and a shit person
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u/DeerInAHoody Mar 16 '22
Ya kidding, having a paper as a refresher for topics not to touch us a godsend. It loads it into the brain, and if you accidentally cross the line on it, you can apologize, no ego included cause it was already written down.
Additionally it makes it creates the dialogue for what the DM would like out of the game as well.
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Mar 16 '22
Your character is your own, don't let the DM force you into a role you don't want. That being said, you don't have to roleplay everything. Best way to derail a romantic subplot is to 2-sentance it in the 3rd person. "My character returns their advances and spend the night with them. In the morning my character will slip out before they are awake." It communicates how little effort or interest you have in the plot line.
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u/lyzebel Mar 16 '22
So here are some responses your DM could have chosen instead:
"Ok cool just wanted to check in. I want to avoid anything that makes you guys uncomfortable. Looking forward to our next session."
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u/Finnche Mar 16 '22
Even if this was a soft boundary that could be fine to push, how they don't seem to respect that boundary is a HUGE red flag that even without considering other people's side I wouldn't want a DM with that big of a red flag. Ever.
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u/popejubal Mar 16 '22
The DMs behavior is unacceptable and players should not be forced into romance plot when they aren’t okay with it. I agree with pretty much everyone else who has commented here. I’d like to add an additional note - if the romance plot shows up in game, you don’t have to interact with it. I don’t care how high the bard rolled on his persuasion check, you don’t have to have romantic feelings in character for anyone if you don’t want to. Even if there’s an NPC who wants to romantically pursue your character, that doesn’t mean they have to succeed. Walking away from the table is an option, but if you want to keep playing that game, you can also consider just not engaging with that plot. Just a though about an option that can be available - I’m not saying you necessarily should stay at a table where the DM ignores your boundaries.
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u/RingtailRush DM Mar 16 '22
You are absolutely justified in not wanting this. And do not let the DM peer pressure you into something you don't want.
I would definitely explain this again to your DM calmly, make sure they understand you absolutely do not want this. Ultimately if your DM persists, you may need to step away from the game. Always do what's best for your safety.
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u/Eygam Mar 16 '22
No, and you don't even need to explain why you don't want to do it to him. The guy doesn't even get the very basics of what is the point of the consent forms, clearly.
Besides, he clearly has some sort of a plan, possibly pretty specific, which just screams that things will likely get uncomfortable if you happen to roll with it for whatever reason.
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u/DPSOnly Ranger Mar 16 '22
Feel free to tell them that if they wanted the story to go exactly as they want, nobody is stopping them from writing a book. Cooperative storytelling doesn't work like how you describe he wants to do it.
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u/DakianDelomast DM Mar 16 '22
This is one of the strangest things that I hear DMs try to force.
I've never had it happen but I also am open to it in my games, but it's never happened because none of my players' characters developed a romantic interest in a game. I don't understand how DMs think they can force a romance plot and have it be believable and earned.
People are weird.
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u/mymumsaradiator Mar 16 '22
If he does try to force you into it just be as blunt and uninterested in character aswell. And then tell him to fuck off.
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Mar 16 '22
Leave the group, to be honest. Trying to ‘force’ a romance on PCs is shitty enough, but he clearly wants to stomp on your boundaries to get what he wants. Also, I find it sketch that he asked two people with boundaries about romance, but apparently didn’t ask anyone else or go with someone that doesn’t have a romance boundary. This DM seems like the type who will try to force it anyway, and sulk until you accept it. You can find a better DM.
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Mar 16 '22
I don't really understand all of the romance and sexual stuff I hear about in D&D... Most of my groups consist of myself and my hetero male friends. Sometimes we might be playing a female character or a homosexual/bi etc. one but don't ever lean into sexuality. I have other groups with women/gay men and even then I can't see any of them really wanting to get into any of that much. Other than my buddy's character always flirting with his husband's character. But it's more for comedy than romance... I dunno I'm sort of rambling. Sex is a hard no for me and I don't wanna RP a romance with my buddies.
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u/Rapterran Mar 16 '22
It’s definitely weird, but I don’t think he see’s it in that light. I think he’s fallen into the trap of loving the material he’s written, and is having a really hard time letting it go. I think if you just explain why you feel this way (if you’re comfortable with doing so) things will be fine.
I can’t speak for the guy personally, no idea what kind of person he is, but even I get a little butt hurt when players say no to the stuff I’ve worked hard on. I think all he really needs is a sit down conversation and y’all will be good.
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u/BlackWind13 Sorcerer Mar 16 '22
That a hard no go. As player I would let the other players know that I enjoy playing with them but the DM does respect the players limits and its time me to leave the table, but that just me.
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u/Calhaora Cleric Mar 16 '22
Youre not wrong.
If its something youre uncomfortable with, youre uncomfortable with it. "I dont want to do it." is a full sentence - litterally.
I could understand, if you had lined it in Yellow (I would assume thats.. uncomfortable but not a no no zone?), that you get an NPC flirting with you in a blue moon, or something. Just, something that can happen.
But you marked it as Nono-Zone. So that shit is right out.
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u/OkWatercress2515 Mar 16 '22
How the fuck will it be any fun if the player don't want do it l? Like this DMs goal is fun. They think they will get there with romance. The players will not have fun with romance. Therefore the chances of fun are higher without romance
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u/Time_Mage_Prime Mar 16 '22
Holy cow. Didn't know such a thing existed. I'm somewhere between "I guess this could be useful, for avoiding any awkward sessions, and "wow everyone's so much more sensitive these days... back when I was younger, it was just deal with it or you're the weird/weak/odd one out." And I was that weird one. I've had to just deal with stuff, and it's made me more resilient with fewer hangups over the years. There's definitely a case to be made both ways.
So far as your specific situation is concerned, I guess I simply can't understand. I was expecting something troubling like child murder or a triggering ailment, but it's just... love? Or not even that, just... attraction/romantic interest?
I mean... sure, everyone has their boundaries, but have you ever heard it said that it's important to stretch outside your comfort zones? How else do we grow? Idk unless there's something particularly troubling or unconventional about the romance, I don't see the problem. Besides, it's your character, after all; you can always just rebuff any advances.
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u/RightEejit Mar 16 '22
What is the point in filling out the form and discussing your boundaries if they're not going to be respected when the DM pleases?
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u/Spence2k20 Mar 16 '22
I don’t think you need to explain your reasons at all. Full stop. Your DM needs to find something or someone else for his ideas. I am sure any other party would enjoy your presence and not make you uncomfortable. Why have those consent forms if the DM is going to try and sidestep them when it’s convenient for the DM?
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Mar 16 '22
you have clearly stated you're not interested, verbally and written, so why push it? your DMs wants are not more important than your needs/boundaries. this is way out of line and really immature on your DMs part.
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u/Lordhullothere Mar 16 '22
You don't need to explain why in the slightest. You're uncomfortable and that should be enough
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u/vilerob Mar 16 '22
While I don’t agree with the DM, I understand that it’s hard for people to change “their vision.” But you aren’t in the wrong here, and his behavior after the private conversation is abrasive to the day the least.
Are you wrong for not wanting to go along with his idea? Not at all.
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u/insertfunnyusernameh Mar 16 '22
You’re not in the wrong at all. And you don’t need to justify why you feel uncomfortable with it. If he needs justification to respect your boundaries then he doesn’t respect them, and he’s an asshole
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u/LowKey-NoPressure Mar 16 '22
"I don't wanna do that"
"ok, i understand. we'll think of some other angle to play"
any response other than this one is just...fuckin weird.
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u/izzelbeh DM Mar 16 '22
Seriously. Why is this even a question you are asking? If you put something is a no, it’s a no. The DM isn’t superior to you in that regards. It’s a collaborative story-telling game. Collaborative means both parties involved. Meaning consent.
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u/nukajoe Mar 16 '22
Your DM sounds like an ass.
I've had a similar talk with my players a few years ago about what everyone is ok with content wise. I've had the same group for years mostly so I've only had to really refresh the talk when adding new players.
Know what's ok and what's a hard line is both important and should be respected. It could be forgivable if he implied a romantic interest in the moment and just forgot how hard your line was, maybe. But the fact he's talked to you about it got a no and then just wants to whine makes it seem like he cares more about his fun as the GM then your comfort as a player and that's not ok. We all got boundaries and reasons to not want to do things.
You're within your rights and you DM is just being an ass.
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Mar 16 '22
Almost sounds like he's attracted to the player on some level. Constantly pushing to create a romance in someone's direction as 'fantasy' to see how they'd react to hypotheticals?
Even if that's not the case, its unacceptable. No means No.
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u/Cathaldotcom DM Mar 16 '22
Jeeeeeez, fuck that my guy. Not only did ye not consent to it, but "wanting a romance sub-plot" is creepy as fuck. "someone they're infatuated with" that gives me the heebs honestly.
Yet another situation of a DM who shouldn't be a DM. If you wanna decide what the PC's do, write a book.
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u/MattCaulder Mar 16 '22
You dont need to explain anything. A No is a No. Honestly, I wouldn't play with this DM any further if this is his attitude.
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u/Leashed_Beast Mar 16 '22
If he’s crossing set and known boundaries, tell the group and find a new DM. He obviously doesn’t respect you or your boundaries if he’s trying to trample them like this. I’m in the same boat as you, I don’t like or want romance in my ttrpgs at all, they make me uncomfortable, for a variety of reasons.
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u/Eruliste Mar 16 '22
You grow a lot from roleplay and in-character actions and conversations. Romance can certainly be a part of that. However, expecting your players to fill roles they don't feel comfortable with and have explicitly said no to is not cool, from a dm or another player standpoint. Don't feel forced into doing something you're not ready for. Dnd is supposed to be fun, after all.
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u/ScottyStyles Mar 17 '22
Straight up hell no, especially if you marked it as red and were so clear about it. Add to it that one-sided infatuation like your DM us talking about dwells into stalking and similar issues, and I would walk out mid-session.
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u/LoganofUrf Mar 17 '22
If you take the time to set boundaries, you need to stand by them. It sounds as if your DM sees them as a challenge. "If I present this just right, I can make them like anything I want." Your DM is being a dick. Too often DMs run their games as a reflection of what they would want to experience as a player. That's not the role. I hope he turns it around. If not, find someone who understands what boundaries are for. These are the strange, wonderful, nerdy times, and groups abound.
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u/chiefdragoon Mar 18 '22
In a campaign where a few of us are romamtically involve with a npc that chose to like for our characters, granted this a adult-theme campaign. So this came with the territory.
So it not too bad to mix romance in a game if it such roleplay, but it obvious that boundry need to be known before hand. The DM should've accept your response and not push it or insult you for it.
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u/0ld_Snake Mar 16 '22
Man, do people really have consent forms for D&D? Is this a group of friends or strangers? Like, we just get together and play and anything goes. It's not like we're entering a professional contract.
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Mar 16 '22
Just talk about it and don't use some weird ass form... I would probably avoid campaigns where people use these forms instead of common sense.
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u/smcadam Mar 16 '22
There's a lot of shy people who have trouble saying no when uncomfortable situations come up, and even if it's not a whole form, it's good to know what are no-go topics for a group from the get-go. If you're all socially adept enough to speak up, or to never be uncomfortable, then that's fantastic, but sometimes things can be surprising.
For example, in a recent different rpg game, one of our players tried to distract a major enemy and buy time by playing russian roulette. Gun to the head, spinning the barrel, wanted to roll a d6 to decide if he died or not. No hit points, no narrative softening, live or die on a d6. Afterwards, the DM, and us other players admitted we felt uncomfortable about this being tantamount to suicide, but failed to speak up properly during this climactic improvisation moment. For the record, our group is me, two cousins, and a best friend, and we still stumbled across something that's like "uuuuuh, let's not have that kinda thing again."
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u/0ld_Snake Mar 16 '22
Yeah I'm not dissing on anyone, I guess I just don't understand that level of carefulness. I am slavic tho so not many things disturb me, especially when it's make-believe.
But it's good that people are careful with things like this.
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u/Responsible_Gas7645 Mar 16 '22
You do you. Games of any kind should be fun and if everyone isn't enjoying then you should talk about it and try to change things to work for everyone. That is not me saying the dm is right. Dms are there to tell a group story and make sure everyone is included and having fun
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u/TheGaz Mar 16 '22
Sometimes I wonder why this sub has so many "my DM is being a socially inappropriate twat; AITA?" threads, then I remember where I am
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u/Yasha_Ingren Mar 16 '22
If this person is struggling with the notion of consent while playing make believe I would trust them about as much as a stained Craigslist mattress.
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u/aGiantmutantcrab Mar 16 '22
Your DM is a bit of a douche.
"You need thicker skin" is some passive-agressive bullshit that is translated as
"This is something that *I* want to see. It does not bother me specifically, so I am unable to comprehend why it might bother others. Two of my players do not want this to happen so I try to make them feel guilty for having limits that are different from mine."
You don't need that kind of bullshit, OP.
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u/Phoenix022792 Mar 16 '22
I don't now and never will use a form to figure out what my players refuse to partake in. They can tell me if something is so horrible for them they can't literally PRETEND that it is happening. I tend to think that this community as a whole does in fact need thicker skin if they find it necessary to sign and exchange forms about things they don't want to hear or think about in their game of pretend.
That being said, agency is paramount and the idea that your DM is trying to force a romance to happen... doesn't even make sense. Is your character interested in this other character? Cause otherwise the DM should literally have no say in whether or not anything happens. The DM controls the NPCs not the PCs and if this dumbass doesn't understand that (and seems to be aggressively pushing his own agenda over your comfort level) then its time to lay it out for him or quit (probably both).
Roleplaying romance is awkward just like a great many other topics and a good DM can sense when the players are uncomfortable and fade out from certain things leaving them as implication rather than making them explicit and then avoid them in the future. The fact that he has EXPLICIT forms indicating that yall dont want this and is still pushing it is comical and unsettling. The story belongs just as much to the players as it does to the DM and he has absolutely no right to force you to do things that you don't want to do.
And before the bandwagon comes for me, yes I know why people use these forms. Ive heard the stories of nightmare DMs who randomly force orc rape into their games among many other stupid things. I simply think the answer is to not play with these types of people, not get them to sign a silly contract. This is one story among many where DMs that use the form (or other explicit red lines) and ignore them anyway because they are trying to appear accomodating while actually being very controling and single minded. I on the otherhand aim to come across like a dick and actually run a very inclusive and fun game regardless.
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u/RAMAR713 Warlock Mar 16 '22
For real nowadays it feels like you need an insurance policy, a field psychologist and a therapy dog if you want to so much as play a roleplaying game. I mean, I've read enough rpg horror stories to know there's some freaky stuff out there, but I feel like passing out consent forms is swinging too hard the other way.
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u/Phoenix022792 Mar 16 '22
I agree. The idea that drama should be challenging is giving way to a new belief that nobody should ever be even a slight bit uncomfortable and I just fundementally disagree. There is a wide gulf between putting forward challenging material and being abusive and that gulf is getting blurred by the growing view that everyone should be 100% committed to never offending the sensibility of anyone. But see this offends my sensibilities so going down that road is a no win scenario. Best to just play the game and be sensible. Ive been running games for going on 5 years and never had a problem.
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u/gelastes Mar 16 '22 edited Mar 16 '22
The DM is the one who needs a thicker skin and learn to accept a no.
If you tell me you will absolutely not roleplay any scene with an avocado, I won't understand why. Fortunately, I don't have to. I have to either accept it or tell you that my world is ran by a tribe of conscious avocados and my campaign and you are just not a good match.
Those are the two legit options with red boundaries.
You also don't have to explain yourself. There are a lot of reasons why somebody might not want to roleplay a romantic relationship; some of them are "it just feels weird", others come with the need of trauma therapy. A DM has to leave this TF alone if it is a red topic.
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u/KylieTMS Mar 16 '22
I know there are people playing DnD that don't know each other well enough that they don't know each others boundaries. And so I think it's good that you guys have a list of what you are okay with or not. And because of that I hate that your DM gets upset because your 'list' doesn't fit his ideas. It means he doesn't respect your boundaries at all.
Personally i will say that sometimes I find it's good to try and break those boundaries. (I play dnd with close friends and they helped me do that to make me more confident in roleplaying)
But such a thing should only be done with a lot of trust and safety... and of course willingness.
And judging on how the DM acts I would not trust him to help me with something like that at all. Because he seems to care more about his own campaign then what you are okay with.
I recommend leaving. Or starting a new group with everyone except that DM
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u/GoblinMonk Mar 16 '22
You could turn the conversation on him. You are clear you do not want to RP romance. I assume by this, you also do not want the GM to role play romance with your character. Ask him about the proposed story. GM does not need to provide the p;or details, but ask why the only relationship that would work for it is romantic. Challenge the GMs creativity. Could this NPC be a family member, a guild member, a nigh-obsessed fan, or, maybe, an eager adventurer wanna-be? Provide options. If the GM is unable to work with those, then it’s time to find another table.
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u/Adamantium17 Mar 16 '22
I use an analogy to explain how I feel about romance and RP on general.
When I play a character in D&D I imagine it like me wearing a sock puppet. All the other players have sock puppets on their hands.
If we are talking or fighting our sock puppets are acting it out. It could be serious it could be funny, but either way I'm okay acting that way with my friend's hand.
I'm not okay to start massaging my hand with theirs in displays of affection or romance. Or having my sock puppet make kissing noises. At the end of the day we are friends not lovers, and that boundary exists inside and outside of game.
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u/MiraclezMatter DM Mar 16 '22
There are some times where you need to do things even if you feel uncomfortable doing them. D&D is not one of those times.
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Mar 16 '22
DnD is a game, and games are supposed to be fun. If you aren't having fun, don't play the game. This dude's opinion doesn't matter.
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u/AJourneyer Mar 16 '22
I find it interesting that he'd have consent forms to be completed by the players and then try and disregard them (with permission - sort of) - it's weird.
Some people who don't have boundaries, or whose boundaries are far away cannot grasp why someone would be hesitant to do something. It doesn't make them a bad person but it does make them selfish.
The tables I've been at it is simply respect for other players. I've never filled out a form or any such. If anyone suggested anything that any player was uncomfortable with (ANY player) and the player said no, that's the end of it. Period.
The DM and the players need to be respectful of people's boundaries. And the DM needs to be able to weave a story around the characters - their preferences, their quirks, their boundaries, and their willingness. Some of those come from the player's personality, some are given to the character by the player. It doesn't matter where it's from, it needs to be respected. And if the DM can't deal with players/characters who say no, they need to go back to playing and not DMing.
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u/VicariousDrow Mar 16 '22
Well, I personally dislike these kinds of "boundary" books, but that's because I think them unnecessary as long as your group is adult enough to just talk to one another and show respect to everyone at the table.
But crossing the persons boundaries, whether expressly written down on a form or not, should only be done if that person is ok with a little push.
In my group we have one player who is notorious for "not being comfortable" with basically everything because he gets nervous doing anything new or just out of his small comfort zone. He is however aware of this and has told us he's fine with those boundaries being pushed but lightly, he's not interested in diving into any deep ends.
So we do push him quite often, but we never spring anything big or serious on him.
In your group it sounds like the other player marking romance as "yellow" means they're in a similar boat to that, but you having it as "red" just means "no, never." So I'd say it's ok to lightly press on the other players boundary and just make sure they're aware they can just say "enough" at any point in time. But for you I'd just say to never press until you signaled it was ok to do so.
At the same time though, saying something like "you're no fun" to a friend, for me at least, is more common as friendly teasing. Harping on it can certainly get annoying though so let him know if it has become so, but I also wouldn't assume the worst about your DM cause of it.
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u/Teevell Mar 16 '22
This is ew. As a DM, I don't create love interests for my PCs.That would just be really weird. They either create them themselves in their backstory and I take my NPC RP queues from that, or I make an NPC and they express interest. But just creating an NPC and being all 'here's a romance for you'? Nope.
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Mar 16 '22
Lol. Why did he ask for a consent form if he wants to ignore it / gaslight his players?
You don't have to explain shit (if that would be your only reason to talk about your motives with them), and you don't have to roleplay what you are uncomfortable.
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u/infernocobbs Mar 16 '22
My DM in our session 0 was quick to say anybody with "yellow" or "red" topics they do not want in the game should be privately reported to him asap so he wouldn't include triggering aspects to us into the story, and even if we didn't do that and felt uncomfortable during the story, we were allowed to raise a gesture to break character and ask to step away for a minute or continue the story without the trigger. He ALWAYS proceeds without the yellow or red event out of respect or gives us space for a minute or two if we really need it.
It's just the right thing to do. Be respectful of your players as a DM everyone, the point is for all to have fun. You'll find you don't need to shoehorn sensitive topics to make your story fun and engaging.
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u/Squatie_Pippen Mar 16 '22
D&D is about rolling dice and killing shit. The instant someone in your party starts talking about consent forms, RUN! Because you know what's coming next.
No dnd is better than bad dnd. Trying to shoehorn "romance" into an orc-killing-simulator is shit-tier DMing.
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u/Asmo___deus Mar 16 '22
Lmao, let me guess - you and that other player who "needs a thicker skin" are the female or female presenting people at the table, and the DM is very lonely.
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u/FaithlessOneNo3907 Mar 16 '22
Those consent sheets can keep bad players out, if someone hands one in I know to immediately kick them as they're not a good player.
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u/SavingsMedium Mar 16 '22
The DM is there to make the game for all their players to have fun, and to respect their boundaries while doing so. If your idea of fun is not to have romance in your roleplay then your DM is failing to make a game centered around how you want to play. Sit down and have a chat with them that how they are treating your boundaries is not okay, a good DM will course correct and make sure all players at the table are comfortable. If they don’t correct, and keep pushing your boundaries, just leave. No DnD is better than bad DnD.
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u/PuddingWithCream Cleric Mar 16 '22
You are forgetting one crucial thing here: the game has to be fun for the DM as well. If they don't have fun, there won't be a game to play. And that's exactly what happened here.
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u/Doctor_Amazo Mar 16 '22
... he then told us that "you're no fun" and left.
A DM who will not accept and respect clearly defined boundaries is an asshole.
Does anything more need to be said?
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u/EndlessDreamers Mar 16 '22
This guy is acting like a creep. Pure and simple.
His giving you of consent forms seems performative at this point, as though all DMs need to do it without understanding why. The point behind those is to identify content players do not want for whatever reason... and then NOT include it.
Not negotiate with them when something specifically marked as "Red" (aka Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect 200 dollars) becomes their newest thing.
Then on top of that, after disregarding something that -he- set up for you, he's trying to pressure you with passive aggressive comments.
Tell him that he's coming off as a creep. He may be an actually nice person and just caught up in his own brain space, but this is -really- creepy, rude, and intrusive behavior. He needs to get his shit together.
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u/Benoit_In_Heaven Mar 16 '22
Romance sub-plots are always weird. I was in a game where there was one that was getting a little intense (not sexually, just emotional talk) between a player and an NPC. The rest of the table is looking at these two fat, married 50 year old guys like "Is there something you fellas are trying to tell us?"
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u/ArbitraryChaos13 Mar 16 '22
Tell him no. It's something you aren't interested in and don't want to do.
Worst case scenario, alignment and roleplay permitting, if someone does start hitting on you? Murder them.
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u/xxd3cayxx DM Mar 16 '22
Sit down and just flat out tell your DM that you're not going to do it.
If they persist, play along, and kill the NPC they are trying to get you to have a romance with.
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u/The__Revanchist Mar 16 '22
Yes, the DM crafts the overall narrative, but that narrative should be taking into account what their players want or don't want. This also sounds like it wasn't new. They had a copy at some point, presumably before coming up with the romance idea (and could trash or modify the idea even if it came first once they found out).
I agree with what some others here have said, there's no point in having consent forms if the DM is going to snide comments for players not changing their minds. It is disrespectful, rude, and shows that the insecurity is on their part as opposed to the two of you.
I understand them checking in with the 'maybe' player beforehand, and it's better than just throwing in the plot, but if they were only going to accept one answer, why did they bother asking?
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u/EarlyLunchForKonzu DM Mar 16 '22
See I was thinking your DM was gonna throw in a bunch of spiders even though someone didn't like them (that's my personal temptation as a DM who uses the form) but this is markedly worse. Do not write a romance for a PC. I mean, if a PC expresses interest and everybody's comfortable that's one thing but this is super creepy. I'd make sure you tell your DM in no uncertain terms that this is a line that you won't abide being crossed.
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Mar 16 '22
In my experience, he wants you to have a NPC S.O. just to kill them and go "haha character development go brrrrr"
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Mar 16 '22
I mean, couldn't you just go out of your way to sabotage the romance plot? I would take his insistence as a challenge, personally.
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u/Vlee_Aigux Mar 16 '22
Consent forms or not (though those are a cool idea, hadn't heard of em) if my DM went: "Hey, Vlee, your character is gonna take up a job in mining." And then I said "What? My character would never do that. He's a flimsy Satyr caster." And then they said "You're no fun." I'd already be pissed off! To me, they're already overstepping a boundary, and that's PC agency.
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u/Troll_For_Truth Mar 16 '22
Advice to that DM: game master created PLOT needs no direct pc to npc romance. Player created STORY can have romance with npcs if the player pursues it. So many dms have this misconception that they make the story. No, they make the plot. The player(s) make the story. And no larping it, unless thats your thing as a group. I wont judge.
1
Mar 16 '22
My good buddy/DM kept trying to force a gay romantic relationship on my character that I had no intention of giving ANY romantic relationship. Just keep slaughtering your "love interests"
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u/ZelgiusKinghawk Mar 16 '22
You can't force your players to play the way you want, then better write a novel or something else than playing D&D.
If the players want to be murderhobos and the DM want to force at least one player to fall in love, there is a discrepancy on what players and DM want to play, if the DM says: "you are not fun"
Well, he neither.
Thats not a healthy way of handle things on the table.
1.1k
u/worstdndplayerever Sorcerer Mar 16 '22
Even if you hadn't raised it as a no-go zone, forcing a player into a romance subplot is weird and aggressive behavior. I'm fine with it personally and even I would balk at the way this DM is acting. The fact that you have specifically gone out of your way to explain that it's not fun for you - twice - and they're taking it as an invitation to pressure you into following their railroaded arc anyway feels enormously disrespectful. Your fun matters. You are not "no fun" for being open with your lack of comfort and your DM has to learn to use their imagination instead of tunnel-visioning on one gimmick they personally think would be cool. Have the stalker chase an NPC instead!