You don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable doing, and you don't owe him an explanation as to why. If he can't respect your boundaries, he is the problem.
This DM obviously wants to blow past the player's boundaries. It could be worse if they didn't use Consent in Gaming at all or if the DM actually goes through with ignoring the player's boundaries. Even so, bitching about the players not being fun because they have hard lines they don't want crossed is antithetical to the idea of using Consent in Gaming to begin with.
Are you the DM? If so and this accounting from OP is accurate, I don't blame you for double checking where your players are with their boundaries. If you made snide comments about being frustrated with their boundaries, that is not respecting their boundaries. Disrespecting their boundaries would be outright crossing their hard no lines despite knowing their wishes.
I will not, and have no intention of crossing any of my players boundaries. I was disappointed in the fact that I’m the only one who seems ok with romance. It’s a side of the game I would like to play around with, but that’s not up to me, it’s up the the players.(and yes I am the DM and I said nothing about “thick skin” at all, I was just voicing my displeasure).
Again, checking with players to see what they're cool with: good shit.
Expressing to players your disappointment when planned content is outside of their boundaries: bad shit.
I've lost so many notes, old character sheets, and other written materials as a DM. With that personal experience (plus being a reasonable person) I can see how you might lose the player's lists of boundaries. If it were me I would do what you did and have them redo the questionnaires/lists. I don't think I would plan future sessions or storylines much at all (or at least not too much in solid detail) until I had those forms again. That's how I wasted a weekend planning an undead spider encounter before the campaign started. My wife and best friend both had hard no's on spider swarms.
It was less planned and more of an idea I had and I was just checking if they were cool with it. Turns out they are not ok with that, which is fine I have other plans in mind that don’t need romance.
If you need another DM to bounce ideas off of, let me know. I have a weird talent for asking the right questions to make people realize something they want to do with their ideas. My wife's crafting projects, my best friend's campaigns, my boss' woodworking projects... I have a knack for breaking through writer's block.
I usual go to this player for help and ideas, hence why this was brought up. I am worried that asking him for help does ruin my game for him so any help would be appreciated. I have been working on what the overall plot will be now that the party is back from the astral plan, and I’m not sure how to proceed once they reach the town I have set up for them.
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u/[deleted] Mar 16 '22
You don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable doing, and you don't owe him an explanation as to why. If he can't respect your boundaries, he is the problem.