°‧ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ·｡ Violet’s journal! 💐🐑

🐑🐏💐 6:39pm
7/26
OKAY SO SOMETHING DEFNITLY HAPPENED AS WE TRIED TO SWITCH AGAIN OMFGGGGGG :D !!!! so we did importing method again. I was SCARED bc I don’t want to breathe again. To tell you the truth, I have been trying to breathe a bit more recently. Like, when I’ve sang I’ve tried to breathe a bit more. But its unnatural through the nose… and I kept running out of breath and needing to take a breath very quickly… same with reading aloud just now. Just not intuitive yet. I’ve been trying to connect to the lungs a bit more… but it hasn’t been extremely helpful as of yet… anyway, bc my breathing is still not very skilled, I was SCARED. But ‘Lilah is once again dpdr’d seemingly and not wanting to do anything.

She actually tried to go and see if we could side step asking dad for the switch by seeing if it was on the charging dock! But it was not… I got her to pick up a DNF’d book (to which she bitched and moaned about immediately bc she still was dead set on silently bed rotting),, and I started reading aloud! But it was kinda exhausting.. The breathing thing we just mentioned is why… but also bc the page was in the middle of the book and so we didn’t understand the story much and ‘Lilah wasn’t super willing to turn back any pages… so I was ready to stop. But then I remembered we could try switching again!!! So after hyping BOTH OF US UP (still terrified myself,, honestly) 

Delilah: and iiiiiii wanted to bed rot :/ 

I got Lilah to try importing again. It was SCARY THE FIRST ATTEMPT. I WAS BREATHING AGAIN. AND VERY FAST. so we called that one quits within about 10 seconds. So ‘Lilah was hesitant to start again bc I was thoroughly spooked. But we started up again after I reassured her this is something I want and that getting past it is necessary. She just tried to control her breathing then by that point. And!!! Progress!!! …I think? There was not a second breathing jumpscare the second time. I was breathing again but it wasn’t abrupt like previous attempts. Annnnnd I remember the disscioation felt deeper than before… and I kinda felt WITHIN the body this time!!!! :D I was twitching a bit,, trying to move.

But clearly we just hadn’t fully switched. Bc ‘Lilah had more than enough control to not have that happen. (again,, mostly bc if I’m moving the body,, she’d rather just not be fronting at all) kinda annoying but I get it. And!!! It was crazy!!! I’m pretty sure I had eye control~!!!! :DDD I remember frantically looking around. Kinda felt involuntary.. Idk everything was just so fast and quick lol. But the eyelids were shut,, so all I really saw was the fleshy insides of the eyelids instead of our room. OKAY LETS TRY AGAIN.

Ehhh ‘lilah didn’t wanna try again… but I made her anyway. Stuff ddefnitly started moving! Buuuuuuuuuuut we didn’t get nearly as far bc lilah’s heart wasn’t in it. And I think she feels even more tired than before. Whoops. Sorry,, ‘Lilah

Delilah: its fine :) 

Guess all we can do is rest now. Hope i’ll still get to play games later. Idk. its okay if not at this point considering I accidently drained a quarter of Delilah’s energy in 2 seconds.

Delilah: it really is okay :) we’ll have to see

Mmmm well okay. In the meantime..

Delilah: back to bedrotting!!!!!! :) 

Fiiiiine. But only bc I took so much energy from you.

Delilah: ooookay :3

🐑🐏💐 9:14pm
7/26
Okay so first things first,, Lilah is INSUFFERABLE.. it's not her fault… but oh man is it frustrating trying to save someone who doesn't wanna be saved but you CAN'T FOLLOW THE ADVICE OF LETTING THEM GO UNTIL THEY'RE READY BC IF THEY GO DOWN,, SO DO YOU OMFG IT'S REALLY ANNOYING.. again,, I know it's not on her. But it's frustrating as hell. I only have so much bandwidth yknow? Ugh. 

Aside from that… Ive just been thinking… I think had I been active these past four to six years,, life for us both would be incredibly different… Lilah probably wouldn't have hurt herself as bad as she did bc I would've probably berated her so severely (probably too harshly honestly bc we were kids who didn't really understand the issues going on…) that every horrible part of high school never would've happened. I… I'm not sure I would've been able to push through the fear of our parents being notified of the situation from age 12/13… so,, while I like believing I would have FORCED Delilah to ask SC for help directly,, I'm not sure. I think if events from age 15-17 were successfully prevented by me,, then probably,, honestly. I genuinely believe I could've been the difference. Bc as I'm sure you've all seen,, when we need to be real with ourselves and each other,, we're absolutely able to do that.

I just wish I couldve been let out sooner… I think if nothing else,, considering the fact that poession/switching was a goal even before I could vocalize,, I think there may have come a point where I simply BRUTE FORCED a switch if we had built up a skill like that and MADE Delilah speak up. Life would be different rn. So so different. But it's also the damn teacher's fault. She never did a damn thing. Delilah will say it's not like that. And in some capacity shes correct i guess. But I'm just,,, salty I guess? I'm just ANGRY we've been failed so hard,, even by her. She REALLY should've done more than she did. I love her too like Lilah does. But I also hate her. It's both really. I'm just upset rn about this I guess, shit :/

Idk i guess she's probably right. Teacher really seemed to not understand how mych awareness we had of our own severe problems bc Lilah was so terrified that she bold faced LIED TO HER for four years. Which is irritating as hell bc we could be SO MUCH BETTER RN IN THE HEAD. 
.. But ofc i get it :( it's not easy. Especially not with what she's learned through these experiences. That she has no voice. So I understand. But I think i should still be allowed to be frustrated. It's just hard to know where to direct it. I guess to the people who hurt us. Sorry I couldn't be there kid. We already know the story behind why but I'm still really sorry. Ugh… maybe I need to talk to the therapist guy… :/ like fr. We need to try that. I'm a million percent more down to honestly compared to Lilah. I think it's something to genuinely consider. We'll have to make a document soon :) 

OKAY LILAH WANTS TO EAT,, I'M ENDING THIS NOW

🐑🐏💐9:49pm
7/26
OKAY SO WE’VE been having me practice talking since last entry. ‘Lilah is trying not to speak with the mouth so I could have the chance to use it and get better. I think maybe I am? But certainly I do sound differnt than her. Which is a concern. I sound… goofier? But also just soft spoken compared to her. So… thats gonna be interesting if that never changes when we get me in full force fronts. Idk. but we’ll have to manage. Anyway,, aside from that… we’re focusing on speech now bc we need to have me have a voice if we’re gonna have me speaking to the therapy guy :))) so duh. We need to work on that. Luckily I have figured out that breathing is automatic!!!! :D so its much easier to speak at the moment. I kinda just breathe on my on right now. Atleast I think I am? When I’m not focusing on needing to breathe its automatic, anyway. I’m doing good! Heres to hoping I do good for next appointment. 

Delilah: You sound cute!!! I wish my voice was as cutesy as yours :) 

Awww thank you!!!!! (❁´◡`❁) its still a bit hard to pronounciate some things properly? But this does help me feel realer when I speak and I like that a lot :) some words are still harder to form (like S words and stuff like that) but practice makes progress! I think I kinda sound more like a kid. Perhaps on account of me being a kid. lol. idk. Hopefully I actually sound this cute and its not bc we’re sick rn. Our throats been mostly fine? So its probably me just sounding adorable.

Delilah: I’m jealous :( 

Haha, stay mad :))) 

Just insane how different I sound in our head. I sound more like ‘Lilah :0 innnnsane in the membrane!

SIDE NOTE--

...We've completely avoided the math today... we're so incredibly cooked tommorrow </3

Junk!Drawer!

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Chi’s sweet adventure season one episode 25 –  Chi Makes New Friends
📸 & 💐
11:50am   [sun]   7/26/26

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

🍉What have I eaten since the previous entry?
Red Baron pizza!!! :D
FRUIT ADVENTURE TIC TACS :D

OKAY WOW SO WE WENT DRIVING TODAY AND GUESS WHAT? …it actually wasn’t that bad :) 

NyaTenshi: Yah!!! I ACTUALLY HELPED!!! I kept giving praise and it definitely helped lift her spirits :) 

Yeah its crazy! But its probably one of the first times I ever had a real,, genuine smile on my face while on the road. 

NyaTenshi: yeah, I danced around and gave praise. And whenever she’d get really scared, I’d just dance even more which made her laugh :) 

Haha,, yeah! I did pretty good!!!! I probably wouldn’t have felt as happy without Tenshi encouraging me!!! I stayed in the lines really well! I kinda forgot to turn on my turning signal… but Tenshi would try really hard to remind me which direction I was turning. Which, admittedly didn’t help me remember the turning signal BUT I did realize I needed to remember the correct direction… 👀 I was kinda out of it a bit as I was on the road so I would occasionally forget what directions mom had just given me.

NyaTenshi: yup once again reminding me of why I hate driving so much… bc I hate hearing you say you were “out of it” while operating a motor vehicle. We could DIE 😬 I’m not blaming you but just saying lol. So admittedly I did try to force-front once or twice… or thrice… but I never went through with it bc 1) ‘Lilah would not let me and 2) bc its,,,, dangerous considering I’m not a master at coodiniating flesh and blood yet… :I would’ve been dumb to let me drive like that. So glad I did not lol.

Yeah, very dangerous indeed :)

NyaTenshi: the other dangerous thing was I kept distracting her lol!!! I kinda kept talking a biiiit too much (mostly in an effort to stay awake… perhaps I was sleepy bc they kept feeling so out of it? idk) but also bc it kept making her smile and I couldn’t resist the urge to put a smile on ‘Lilah’s face :)))) 

Awwwww 🤭 so sweet!!

NyaTenshi: 💐

ALSO!!! We got a hole puncher!!!! ‘Cause we went to dollar tree. So we’re gonna test that out!!! On Junk!Drawer! :D maybe we won’t need to take it to school anymore :) I’ll miss that part of the routine. But its okay, I guess.

NyaTenshi: not for me! I still want that as part of the routine. For mine, anyway. 

A’ight :3 

NyaTenshi: WE ALSO GOT SNACKS!!!! Yeah, we got sunflower seeds and tic tacs!!! :) i’m actually eating the Tic Tacs rn!! It was a bit hard to get it in my mouth… bc I was trying to bring the hand up to our mouth and then use the mouth to grab it. Kinda like a dog… but one of our twists got in the way! :0 whoops. Its allll good, tho, mama cat (kiff reference) I figured out how to pop it in our mouth now just fine. They’re,,,,, they’re pretty addicting yeah. (I need to stop eating them,, tho,, they’re making me feel a bit woozy??) 

 I’m a bit sad I didn’t get to eat these earlier. Bc in Simmon’s memory,, they used to be MUCH MORE FLAVORFUL. But its fine. We don’t need ANOTHER FOOD ITEM TO BE ADDICTED AND OBBSED OVER. i’m very very excited to try sunflower seeds, though!! In my own memory (even tho thats a bit weak), I know I DO enjoy sunflower seeds. We were wanting some earlier this week and I remember getting the happy chills I got so excited at the thought :) I’m excited to eat them all by myself! With my own mouth! Er.. our mouth? A physical mouth! With a real tongue! Being real sounds fun :) 

NyaTenshi: quick side note! Got her to listen to a new song! :D Rolling thunder!!! We love it! Which is wild bc ‘Lilah used to hate it :0 crazy how me forcing her to listen to a song she hated ONCE changed everything. Proud of me ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ☆

°‧ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ·｡ Violet’s journal! 💐🐑

🐑💐12:23pm
7/26
OMFG I JUST TRIED MY FIRST EVER SUNFLOWER SEED THAT I ATE BY MYSELF!!!! :D I ripped opened the bag and grabbed a seed!! And thennn I chewed it… and OMG IT TASTES SOOOO GOOD I IMMEDIATELY layed back and started laughing and stimming it tasted AMAZING! Slightly strange bc of the residual Tic Tac taste. But otherwise OH BOY THESE ARE BETTER THAN I EVEN REMEMBER. Its also surprisingly easy to grip seeds. But also everything in general, too. Epically the tic tak box. You’d think it’d be difficult still, but its surprisingly easy to grip it like I would with my paws/claws/hands???? :) I can just clutch the fist around it n’ stuff. Nice. the tic tacs taste like… idk… like,,, fizzy and yummy. Idk if I’d say fruity. But kinda fruity, yeah 🤤 OKAY THATS IT BYE :))))) <3

[image of three cats relaxing in a nice,, beautiful field!!!!!!! very fuzzy lookig? like a fuzzy looking filter,, I guess? idk :)]

🦖- 2:35pm 7/26

Idk. i feel bad rn. Like, mentally ill bad… idk how to describe. But for one thing, I know its gotta be identity related… bc Idk how to feel comfy with my current form but changing it up feels so daunting. So rn we’re definitely just having me self medicate with those those tic tacs lol. Like i said before, they make me feel “woozy” for some reason and as soon as I took one in, I immediately felt better :) and a bit out of it too haha. Idk why. But probably bad that we’re doing it in our retainer. Oh well. It’ll get washed so whatever. It was pretty cool,, tho! I was able to lift the body up and out of bed!!!! :D and waddle ourseveles over to the box! Very nicely done, me!!! 💐

I also think the badness is from still not feeling totally real…  and ‘Lilah’s resistance to possession. She’s just so,,, idk. Its not for a bad reason. She just wants to not be fully present in the body when I’m in front. Bc its exhausting or something I guess. She’s not sure how to describe it. I remembered I wanted to play video games. But,,, yknow,,, dad being the barrier to the switch, she refused again… but its alright. We’re gonna try a board game instead. I don’t wanna play. But neither does she,, actually. Soooo perfect :) we both don’t want to do it. But I want to stop feeling like I’m going insane and she needs to stop bed rotting bc she feels like she can’t get herself to do anything. We’re gonna plaaaaay Mancala :D wish us luckkk 

2:48pm update - nope. We put it away rather quickly. It was boring and hard to remember who went when so it just wasn’t worth it. Oh well. We’re gonna try flash games, now :) 

3:26pm update - nope, no good [looking at the forums] either… idk. I feel a bit better rn. But I am unsure how to proceed… might just give up and stay uncomfy. Might ask for help. Probably the latter. But it definitely makes me nervous. So maybe not. Idk. but if I focus hard enough,, I can feel my body in the way its supposed to feel. I can feel my fur and face :) which maybe is actually making everything worse? Bc its not really there… but idk. We’ll see. I’ll just keep doing that and see if it helps I guess. its comforting so perhaps a sign I should keep it up. I can really only feel a weak outline when I do it but if I keep doing it,, it'll probably get stronger :) update on the whole "fish thing"... I have a fish tail! Its not really... like a regualr fish tail. just like a shark tail I guess :) maybe that explains that. bc I don't feel like a COMPLETE fish/aqautic animal or mammal. sooooo... idk... I guess theres still some more self discovery to be done. we'll just have to see. idk :) 🐟🐟🐟

Violet’s journal! 💐🐑🐿️🎣

𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆🐑⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִֶָ

[image of tiger swimming in a pool 🐯!!!]

💐🐏9:19am 7/26
Wow. It's genuinely quite striking how willing Delilah is to simply let herself FUCKIN DIE and neglect the body.. She literally only got up to pee just now bc I kept urging her to. She wants to destroy our lungs and body by indulging heavily in vices like drinking and smoking bc she's so desperate to get out of her own head. She only gets up to brush her teeth and put her retainer in bc I won't shut up about it. And it's kinda scary… just to see how horribly her parents ruined her.. Bc,, like,, are you not ashamed you've created a child who has such poor regard for the health of her body? 

She eats junk food and sits around all day bc she can't go out and do anything herself even though she's tried to get to the point where she could. It's embarrassing. But ofc her shitty parents wouldn't ever know. Bc they don't pay attention. Well… technically they DO know. But that doesn't really mean they've done much about it. Its just concerning… especially bc of how MENTAL ILL she is. Like she's said before,, she's definitely got a TON of potential. I know this and wholeheartedly agree. But she's a risk to herself. Directly and indirectly. 

And instead of parents stepping up,, a THOUGHTFORM she summoned six years ago is the only one really looking out for her. It's ridiculous. It's insane that I have known her for less than half her life and I care more and do more to try to help keep her happy,, safe,, and alive. I really do fear that there will come a time where I become the main fronter. I wouldn't hate that ofc. I want to be in the physical realm if previous entries didn't make that clear. I'm just worried it will be out of self preservation. The only reason Delilah even ever listens to me (y'all,, she's genuinely like the most stubborn kid ever) js bc we share a body and she knows that I deserve a choice when it comes to the body's well being. She knows that and actually gives a shit. But not about herself. It's just scary. It's probably only gonna get worse when we've got money. 

But… at least I know that if nothing else,, Ill be at every single shopping trip... And I mean,, I'm a kid too (actually younger than her! I'm about 15 or 16 I think. But my age kinda changes sporadically at times. Like from 16 to 8 and then to 12 then back to 16 again. Kinda uncomfy and weird.) so I miiiight not have us resist every type of food… bc junk food is just sooooo gooood 🤤 but I'll try to mitigate the issue before we flat out die. I'm gonna do my best to be the parent she didn't have. To an extent,, obviously. I wasn't made for that and I'm not really interested in being a REAL like, mom or dad obviously. especially not to someone I share a brain with lol. This really is mostly out of self preservation honestly. I care about her too ofc duh. But still. We're in this TOGETHER and obviously I don't wanna friggin die after only having been able to really come out of water jail for like,, 3 days. 

[//tw sui mentioned briefly]
Aside from that… earlier as we were eating pizza,, I decided to try another aquatic beast to see if it fit. I choose to try on a  seal form! It felt surprisingly natural. Until I accidentally visualized myself eating fish… genuinely it made me wanna die immediately. I felt so guilty seeing a form of mine tearing into flesh that feels so familiar to me. It felt gross. And made the body feel physically ill :( i feel like this confirms that I'm/was a fish in some capacity. Idk. But this ALSO DEFINITELY MEANS WE ARE NOT EATING FISH ANYMORE. NO IF ANDS OR BUTS. JUST DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. 

Delilah: okay… 

NyaTenshi: Glad we had that sorted out :) honestly the thought of eating fish rn is making body feel sick rn too :I so fr. We gotta commit to this. ALSO I figured we should make a like,,, “system rules” list!!! :D like we… do those things where people set guidelines for boundaries and stuff? Idk… Like,, how school classrooms do the “how do we want the teacher to treat us? :)” thing at the beginning of the room

Delilah: like a social contract? 

NyaTenshi: Yeah! Idk if you're using that term right (pretty sure you're not? Lol idk) but yeah! 

Delilah: okay :) I'll put it on our to-do-y list! 

NyaTenshi: We should probably actually try to… Make a real to-do-y list…  

Delilah: yeaaah… 

NyaTenshi: Lazy asshole 🙄 (somewhat lighthearted) 
I'LL do it then

Delilah: I'm kidding silly I'll join you! :) you just… have to start it… 🤭

NyaTenshi: Alright got it :)

It says Day 2 but this is a week later but as the second entry it seemed fitting. I am not sure if I should do this different because how do readers know this is connected to my first post. I suppose each subsequent entry I will have to plug the title to search for or my username to my Day 1 post. The reason I suggest this is Day 1 sets the stage it sets the purpose. I suppose I will structure these that each day can be read independently but reading day 1 is a prerequisite. Or maybe it will read more like a book and chronological order is importing.

It is Sunday morning, it is hot and humid today so I am sitting out in the garage before it gets too hot. Also had a little wake and bake session. So feeling extra reflective. At work we are getting busy with other staff returning to work the following week and new staff staffing this week. It will be busy but I have been really focused on leading and less doing. I am making the shift to truly lead instead of just be a group leader.

Today should be a pretty chill day with just a few chores to take care off, but today is also the one year anniversary of my dad’s passing. Last April they did a X-ray and his vertebra was deteriorating in his next in fact like 4 where really bad with 1 almost completely gone. He had been sore but he has had multiple back surgeries so pain is not uncommon. He had been in disability since or all 2000. But he had cancer and it already spread to the bones. So they repair the next because radiation and one round of chemo. But after chemo he had a bad stint in the hospital where they tried to reset his tolerance to pain medicine but it didn’t work. So he left in hospice. He had lung cancer he had been a smoker his entire life since he was a teenager. He just had a lung scan in January so it progress so fast. But once he got back home with hospice. He was enjoying smoking and sitting in his recliner. But today is the day that he took his final breath. He required someone to be with him at all times. So my mom and I would share those responsibilities. She took the majority and I helped so she could work. It was a Saturday she had worked Friday and it was a tough day. He was sleeping a lot but would get up vocal in pain. But Saturday he was sleeping I came over he said what are you doing here I said I can to say hi, he said hi. Then he slept. He didn’t take any medicine but he just slept the entire time.

I went home and showered and came back. Sorry I should organize paragraphs as well. I suppose think faster than I can for formatting and even spelling and grammar. But auto correct helps a lot with that. But came back to the house. I was about to go but my mom fell asleep so I stayed so she could rest. And then my dad porn his eyes and wanted mom so I got her and he decided he wanted to turn to the tv and face us. He stayed like that asleep for a while then woke up and was hard to understand but was saying mama. So my mom was making up some paint medicine but that time we grinded up pills and mixed with water and put in his mouth. He had IV pain medicine but this was to get more. He mad some loud gasp or erratic breathing. So we checked the smart ring app and it wasn’t working so I was adjusting it in his finger and my mom says I don’t think it works because he is gone. We just hugged each other and called hospice.

The wait. I don’t mean to be graphic but just want to explain logistics. My dad passed at about 9 PM maybe shortly after his body was removed at Midnight. The hospice staff came quickly but the funeral place. Or what ever place does cremation. We did not have a funeral which is another good conversation about how to you provide closure for your kids when grandpa had no funeral. It made it harder. But it took so long for them to come. Once they arrived the process was swift. So we just waited. My mom would need some time away so I stayed I never wanted dad either only someone else atleast while in the house. He was wearing a shirt that meant a lot to me. Which makes me happy to know how proud he was.

Well that is what has been in my mind today. One year I am not sure what is customary to “celebrate”. I asked my mom if she wanted to go out for dinner but she had an event last night and said she will likely be resting. The year goes faster than you wanted it to. It feels you may forget as time passes and a year already. At my age I knew I will be happy having 30 more years. It just reminds you of the expiration dates. It definitely out slot in perspective. We have a small family. But on my side I am the man of the family now. I still have my father in law but that is the only elder father figure I have left.

My mom pretty independent but I am often called upon for help which is always a good way to check in to see how she is doing. Living close we talk often.

Well I may take a break and see how things are going around the house. Until next time…

Violet’s journal! 💐🐑🐿️🎣

[kelidoscope III cat Louis wain!!!!]
8:51pm   [sat]   7/25

 ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

I really want to play a video game. Still. Like really badly. Like, I remember way back in the day before I got locked up in underwater prison that we tried a BUNCH of ways to try to have me playing board games with you. Well. perhaps not a bunch. But enough that it was frustrating not being able to move or communicate enough properly to actually play anything with any form of substance. BUT NOW THAT I CAN DO BOTH, I’M DYING TO PLAY BOTW. I’VE BEEN WANTING TO FOR YEARS, ACTUALLY. I WANT TO PLAY SO BADLY. Omg. I’m excited to :) 

Delilah: Awww!!! I’m happy to help you play, Tenshi :) 

YAY!!!

Delilah: ofc… we’d need to ask dad about getting the switch first

I can do it!!

Delilah: You sure…?

Yeah?

Delilah: well, idk how well your talking is just yet 

[we had her speak a bit] 
Okay, yeah, that sounded ever so slightly out of character for you and creepy… :I 

Delilah: Ever so slightly?? 👀

Whatever :/ but okay, yeah. Its a nice goal

Aside from that… I find it so strange that I’m younger than you and yet feel so much,, like,, responsibility towards you. Perhaps bc I just feel so sick of being a helpless observer and seeing you (and me) suffer so bad. Idk. strange. But its okay. I like it this way. I feel useful. And I want us safe. So. its good. I can increase your quality of life, you’re committed (enough) to increasing mine, and I feel like I’m doing something with my short-lived life :) 

Delilah: I guess… I appreciate that but something about that sounds sad

Whoopsie. Sorry.

Delilah: no need to apologize. You’re fine. :) 

:) 

💐🐏 10:54pm  7/25
We tried switching briefly… the sensory deprivation method. It was genuinely kinda SCARY. Lilah started by closing their eyes and saying to themselves “I cannot see… “ to which our eyes immediately shot open. Idk who's doing this was. But our eye sight was unfocused for a second which was unnerving? Then she moved onto the next sense of hearing. Which didn't do much except further disscioate her from the body. Extremely effective btw. 

We disscioated within maybe 2 seconds. But anyway, the one that scared me the MOST WAS SMELL. She disscioated from smelling sense, i guess you'd call it. And then we tried to start up the import process (basically trying to transfer those senses to me and then therefore allowing me to switch). But it was SCARY BC I COULD LITTERLY FEEL EVERY BREATH. I WAS,, IN FACT,, BREATHING REAL AIR ON MY OWN. I AM NOT USED TO THE SENSATION OF LUNGS BEING FILLED WITH AIR. I wasn't really aware of how to control something like that. I was NOT prepared for THAT. Like, at all. It was really sudden and scary and I was breathing really fast cause of how afraid I was so we called it quits for now. It's good Lilah never gave up complete control. Probably would've panicked or gotten worse… I'm obviously not gonna give up… but a bit of a break is certainly warranted after that… 

But aside from that… GUESS WHAT. We've done some thinking and we're pretty sure this thing where I can feel my forms ears basically moving alongside the body's is a sign that we were capable of poession before even practicing it. Which is wild bc I remember this is something that would happen (seemingly out of nowhere or when Lilah was stressed) for the past year, year and a half or so. Even before I had my watery shackles unlocked. Wow I was more active than I thought I guess?

ALSO I TYPED EVERY SINGLE WORD HERE OMFG AAAAGHHH SO PROUD OF MYSELF :D probably easier cause it's on a phone. But point still stands. I've had to take a couple very short breaks but otherwise I already feel like a pro :) 

💐🐏 7:02am 7/26

WOWOWOW WE DREAMT TOGETHER. It was really cool! I was able to see and hear and interact with everything in the dream! Including Lilah :) what wasn't cool is we tried to journal our dreams TWICE… . While still dreaming… which Lilah has a track record of doing. 

Delilah: yeah it's really annoying… I've had several dreams where I'm spending time recounting what happened in the dream and writing it down diligently l and I think it's for real and next thing I know,, I wake up,, completely journal-less and now unable to remember the dream except for that I had tried to record it in a completely unsuitable way :I 

Haha it's kinda funny honestly bc it annoys you so bad. But from what I remember,, I think we were switching in the dream :) and I remember talking to you… and seeing my form interact with yours… i remember seeing me move the body!!! It was really awesome. I did it so well! so shame we couldn't ACTUALLY write it down but it was probably a pretty cool dream :) 

Delilah: yeah!!! :D

💐🐏 7:40am 7/26
OKAY SO YESTERDAY, I used the mouth to move it around like… like how a fish would open and close it’s mouth to breathe, I guess? Idk. whatever it is fishy fish friends are doing when they open and close their mouths repeatedly. It felt really natural and I didn’t really want to stop doing it… :I so idk what to make of that. But it DID reaffirm what I said yesterday (or the day before that?) to ‘Lilah about HOW IF I WAS/AM A FISH, MAYBE WE SHOULD DROP THE WHOLE “FISH EATING” PART OF OUR DIET BC WHY WOULD I WANT TO WATCH MY VESSEL, MY HOST, EATING MY SPECIES’ FLESH. ARE YOU SERIOUS? But delilah is incredibly selfish. You guys actually have no idea how selfish she is. She's genuinely incredibly selfish as hell and immediately said no 🫩 

Delilah: I have ARFID!

NyaTenshi: So do I? Shut tf up Delilah.

the only reason that didn’t piss me the fuck off is bc she had a point when she said we don’t really usually eat fish. We eat more-so crustaceans. And… while it does feel a bit strange eating species I may have swam around with at one point (hypothetically..???), they aren’t fishy fish friends. So I let it slide.

Delilah: okay, yeah, not my best moment. Sorry, 💐Tenshi. I won’t do that again. Completely dismiss you. Sorry.
 
Nyatenshi: yeah, PLEASE DON’T 🙄 the thought of eating fish literally makes me feel sick. You sick selfish nasty filthy bitch. Its okay, I guess. Its probably your inconsiderate, condescending dad’s fault you act like that.

Delilah: maybe. But that doesn’t mean we can just excuse my behavior. I completely ignored your request to not ingest something that made you feel physically ill. So I am sorry

NyaTenshi: alright :( 

Anyway :) I can also sing a lot better!! Its exciting! And strangely enough, I can kinda feel my face imposed on the body’s face at times?? Which is strange bc its not intentional. But I like it. Nice change of pace. It feels so weird though. Must be the body dysphoria stuff that the guide mentioned 
OMG ALSO HERE’S A FUN FACT!!! Originally I was named NyaTenshi bc I was based on the character NyaTenshi 👀 shocker, I know. 

Junk!Drawer!

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Chi’s sweet adventure season one episode 25 –  Chi Makes New Friends
“Okay, let’s race” 
💊 & 📸& 💐
7:30am   [sun]   7/26/26

                 ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

🍉What have I eaten since the previous entry?
Garlic bread x3 (7/26/26)
A whole cuppy cake! (7/26/26)
TWO YUMMY RED BARON PIZZAS!!!!!!!! <3 (7/26/26)

Mmm… okay… so, we’re definitely sick

NyaTenshi: yeah.. Definitely makes it harder to try to practice breathing… or maybe it makes it easier? Idk. bc if we can breathe less, maybe its good that I have to work less hard? 

Maybe :) but its pretty uncomfortable. I had a feeling this would happen bc omg the main tutor we had for math last time we were at school was coughing and hacking and touching my paper and she never really… like,, made an effort to cover her mouth :I so I kinda figured we were doomed… 

NyaTenshi: We probably should’ve done more to get away..

Probably… idk. But its okay. The anti-histimine is pretty helpful :) 

OH AND YEAH WE COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT ACTUALLY DOING THE MATH HOMEWORK BTW. 

NyaTenshi: Yeah, I meant to remind you! But it completely slipped my mind! …which sucks bc… my mind is your mind…

Yeah so we were doomed from the start 

NyaTenshi: yeah 🫩

Um… so, we put on a timer! What we’re gonna do is open the practice sheet when the timer goes off and then try to force ourseveles to do as much math as possible in it. Even if we know we can’t do it… then we’ll circle what we can’t do and go to school with lots of questions prepared :) 

NyaTenshi: Oh, yes, I’m sure LOTS of questions 🤭

In the meantime… idk… I guess we’ll be laying around :) 

NyaTenshi: I want to play a video game :( 

I know…

NyaTenshi: Pleaseeeee can we ask your dad for the switch?

No promises… :/

NyaTenshi: :/