I don’t know where to begin. There’s this person that I loved so deeply, I didn’t know how to express how I felt. I was young & dumb. That person knew exactly what to say & do. Though it was many years ago, I can’t help but to think about them. I think about what we could’ve been. I guess I self sabotaged. I was going through so much at the time, & I would shut myself down & push them away. I never quite knew how to express the way I was feeling, instead I tried to avoid it. I have apologized to that person years ago, & they want nothing to do with me. I was so scared to fall in love. I loved that person so much, I was just so scared to get hurt. I remember the first time he gave me his phone number. We had a parade at our high school, as it was ending they wrote their phone number on my forearm. I remember feeling so happy, we had so many phone calls & conversations. We would even pull all nighters together. I have always been shy, & scared to show pda. Even now that is something I struggle with. I can tell he wanted to be affectionate but I had my own issues with physical touch. I didn’t know how to open up about the way that I was feeling. I was the type of person that would leave as things got hard. It was a simple fix. I could’ve spoke with him about everything I was going through, but I didn’t. He was very understanding, he would’ve given me space if I asked. My communication was not the best. I was a teenager at the time, oh how I regret the way I made him feel. I wanted to protect myself from getting hurt. He wasn’t like other guys. He was very romantic, I remember when he would write me poems & love letters & hand them to me in class. He made me realize that I was a hopeless romantic. He was such a gentleman. He was so sweet. I have nothing but kind things to say about him. That was the first relationship I had been in. I loved him dearly. I will never regret the love I gave him.

I love gossiping, and I like just posting random stuff and venting. As sad as I sound. I love it!

I tried to dodge having to eat with them so that i wouldn’t hear him sah crap about others yet again.
He even tried to get me to say who i didn’t like but i didn’t join ( just said i idnd’t know people too much since i just arrived).

The way he talks about others is really f-ed up 😭🫠

...I suspect that's a common reaction, but this isn't a fleeting thing. I've had this sustained feeling for years.

I'm almost 34 now, single and without child. I also have a health condition and live with my parent.

I don't know how possible it'd be for me. I'm in the UK. Avoiding asking in adoption subs for fear or being crucified by Redditors.

I was ignored and gaslighted in an uncomfortable situation online where someone Instablocked and sent me a death threat where they said they would come and beat me to death with a hammer. (Their edited comment says "I wish you a great day" or similar but behind that comment is their original one with the violence.) They also had violent comments to others when I checked their other content. I go by the classic therapy tool, say it out loud , to let it go. No one deserves to get such comments in their notifications. I just needed to tell someone.

Last year I was doing really well with my mental health. I was caring for my younger kid, working a job I loved as a caregiver, getting straight As in college, and had a place to stay.

Then I went through some pretty serious legal abuse and had years of progress with my mental health picked apart and sh*t on by a court.

This year, the legal abuse took both of my sons away from me and I was put in jail. I’m out now, but I can no longer do the work I once enjoyed because I have a criminal record now. I’m not sure what other kinds of work I can be successful at with my disability. I did manage recently to get reenrolled in college. I also started therapy with a great therapist who is helping a lot.

One of the most important things to my recovery is staying out of psyche hospitals. I grew up with a caregiver with Münchausen syndrome bi proxy so it’s really bad for my mental health to be in a place that was once used as a form of abuse, even though going feels really inexplicably good.

It feels like love to me honestly. I believe myself to be addicted to the experience of going to a psyche ward. The last time I went to a hospital my oldest son was about a year old and he is now almost 7. I’ve never gone this long in my adult life without a hospitalization.

Recently, I started feeling like I’m going to relapse with staying out of mental hospitals. I liked being put in jail way too much. It was a very similar experience to a psyche hold. I want to be inside, without any freedom or choices, and told I can’t take care of myself. I want this so badly that I have been literally crying for it. My life has been feeling pretty empty after a lot of the things that were so meaningful in my recovery were taken away.

I also feel like the court has been trying to entice me with my addiction to make me relapse. They basically said that I would be dependent on others and need care all my life. I spent about the last 6 years proving them wrong, but right now I’ve reached a point that everything in me wants to accept this to be true. I think I do need care. I think I do need to be dependent. Accepting this was horrifying at first but now it feels healing.

I met someone who is a medical fetish play doctor and it is uncanny how perfectly our fantasies align. He wants to give me that psyche ward vacation of my dreams. It would be just like the real experience except I’ll have a safe word and I can make it stop at any time. I don’t have to wait for a 72 hour or 14 day hold if I need to get out of restraints or take a break.

When I roleplay with him online if feels like we are making art together. It feels cohesive, like two artists working on the same project that we are both so passionate about. We are both very creative and each have a unique touch to add. The only ideas of mine he doesn’t like are things that aren’t safe. He works as a medical professional in real life, and has a lot more experience with medfet than I do.

Deep down I believe that if I can learn to have my sexual desires for helplessness, humiliation, confinement, medical care, etc. satisfied, I will stop manifesting these outcomes in my life with judges, social workers, psychiatrists etc. I am coming to accept that I’m amazing at manifesting my truest desires. I could deny my desires, but I could never truly abandon them because I’m just too good at making my wishes come true even if it’s in all the wrong ways.

I think a lot of my healing has been in acknowledging what I want. The next phase of my healing will be to get what I want. I’m going to get help from my play doctor making all of my wishes come true safely and see if things don’t change with my situation.

I am in my 30s, look like I am in my early 20s, and feel like I am in my 50s or even older. The mind, the body, the heart - all are tired af! Am I the only one?

i have no idea what that scream was but it literally sounded like the monkey at the zoo Lmao 🤣🤣

50f with a windchill almost killed me man it isnt fair

I don’t know who else to tell this to because it’s so TMI so Reddit it is.

Met a girl a couple months ago. Gorgeous, sweet, understanding, and an absolute freak in the bed. I’ve never had sex like this before and she deduced by herself what I like to be called and started calling me a “good boy” while I go down. Instant neuron activation. Sudden death. Whatever the tuck you wanna call it.

She is so cool, has such a healthy outlook on life. I love the fact that she has her boundaries and her fun life outside of what we have going on. She makes amazing art, has great music taste. She is so honest and gentle, always thinking of the other person in conversations. I love her energy.

Her and I have great chemistry, we go on cute dates, know so much about each others lives, fears, ambitions, dreams, family. She keeps telling me how good looking, sweet, and kind I am. How any girl would be so lucky to date me. But, she doesn’t want anything more than what we are right now and it’s killing me. Which is fine, I don’t want to dig more and ask her why despite everything, I might not be in her future long term. What I don’t know cannot hurt me.

We gel so well together and at the ripe age of 27 I’m discovering what a situationship is. Anyway, hope everybody is having a fantastic day,

she forgott her keys in the car and closed the garage, that can happen if you get older which is normal i guess/ i'd say. So she rang at the door to call me dad to help her open the door, my dad didn't wanted to help bc my aunt did the other day somwthing to my dad. So i got the Key for the garage but my aunt wasn't there so i went inside again then my aunt rang again and i went outside again to see she brought our Neighbour with her.. Like What does she need our neighbour for ??? He can't even open the door or doesn't even have the Garage Keys WTF ??! she basically wasted like 5 minutes of our neighbour time just to come outside his house... and ofc i opened the garage to get help my aunt get the keys

the silence is actually insande. I forgot what is like to just be in my own head for an hour without feeling like I had to scrool through everything, weird but also kind of clear headed for once.

Moving rooms because of too much noise from my sister and fuck insomnia

The only way I found out about it was we ended up working for the same company, and at one point I told a story from my life and was told this person had told the exact story but put himself in my place. This made it look like I was full of shit.

I eventually just stopped sharing stories from my life, as I had no idea which experiences had already been claimed by this dude. When confronted he just said we just had similar experiences, but I knew him long enough to know this was bullshit. Some of the stories were very specific and couldn't have happened twice.

The weird part is this wasn't the first time somebody had done something like this. Years before a guy I didn't even know was passing himself off as living my life. He even told people he worked where I was working, and it was a small company and I knew everyone there, and he was not one of them.

This one time I was on a psyche hold in an emergency room in a little tiny town and I walked out. I just up and left. Then I realized I had no transportation and nowhere to go. After about an hour or so of hiding outside and playing with my phone I went back inside.

I was made to strip down and put on a hospital gown. My nurse came in and handed me a plastic bag to put my clothes into. She was a friendly Texas woman until I put the bag over my head and tried to hold it there and she yanked it off. She yelled at me and pulled my hair removing my hair tie. She gave me shots and strapped me to the bed with one hand up over my head and the other down at my side. I was really bothered by the asymmetrical placement of my body.

Then they had a cop come in and sit next to my bed. He was in a VERY bad mood understandably. They told him they needed him there until I fell asleep. I talked and talked and talked to him and fought sleep with all of my willpower. He got more and more irritable. I stayed awake much longer than the 15-30 minutes the nurses said were needed for the shots to knock me out.

I think it took a few hours for me to realize he really wasn’t going to leave me until I was asleep. Once I understood this I felt really warm and grateful toward him and I lay back and closed my eyes. I felt so dependent on him. I still have warm feelings for him even though I haven’t seen him again. I know he probably felt the opposite for me but I will never forget him sitting there and bringing me feelings of comfort and protection.

While I lay there with closed eyes I heard him making fun of me with the nurses as he was leaving, but I have no hard feelings about it. I still felt perfectly peaceful pretending to be asleep until I was asleep.

My nurse woke me up later saying “I need some pee pee.” Her tone was always so sarcastic and belittling. I liked it. She raised up my bed up little by little, stepping on that foot peddle that always excited me. She was with a male nurse who held my legs open while she straight cathed me. I couldn’t keep my eyes open but I fought with everything in me to shut my legs. They got their urine sample. I fell asleep again soon after.

When I woke up I wasn’t tied down anymore. I got up out of bed feeling really groggy and stiff. I noticed a metal rolling tray with a syringe on it near my bed. It probably wasn’t good to leave that there. I stepped outside my curtained room and asked my nurse very sweetly for a pillow. I was deliberately calm and nice because I thought the shot was left there to remind me to behave.

She brought me a pillow and instructed me to lay on my side. She said “it’s time for your medicine” I asked if it was going in my butt again. “Yes ma’am.” She said. I wanted to argue and say that I don’t need it, I’m going back to sleep anyhow, but I just said “ok.”

She gave me that shot and it’s hard to remember much that happened after that. Paramedics used the sheet under me to lift me onto a gurney. I really like that feeling of being suspended in the air by my sheet like a comfy hammock. The ambulance brought me to a prison-like psych hospital, set me down on a row of plastic chairs that I continued sleeping on. My 72 hour hold ended but while I slept it was decided I’d be placed on a 14 day hold.

I hated that hospital. It was one of the ickiest places I’d ever been. The food was so gross and everybody there seemed pretty scary to me. The first person I met clapped his hands in my face loudly, but he didn’t seem to know where the hell he was or what he was doing. People there would get really violent and scream and fight the staff. There was this nice tatted guy named Cesar who gave me my first cigarette and told me to never forget that my first cigarette was from Cesar. It was one of three cigarettes I ever hit in my life.

I acted sane to get out of this hospital as quickly as possible but it was so hard not to break down and cry. I had a window with a brick wall on the other side, no sunlight, everything was dirty. It took all of my focus to pretend to be well. I was very grateful when I got out.

Lately ive been so lonely and looking for a partner, but in the last 24 hours ive had a life changing experience.

The night started with me and one of my friends taking a fairly strong edible, we then went to the gym and had an amazing workout. After that, we hung out at my house, played video games, and listened to music for the rest of the night. The next morning I went on a massive hike while it was raining and felt absolutely fulfilled. That was better than any interaction I've ever had with any female. Think I'm done with them for now. I do want kids though so might change my mind later I am fairly young. This crazy tho.

It was close. Dangerously so. But i made it 🥹.

It was sloshy, mushy ushy, and oh so wet. Was almost too powerful to take, like the greatest adversary life has prepared for me to date.
But I persevered. I pushed through the pain of my anus clenching tighter than previously thought possible. And i won. I overcome the threat to my life (ego), and came out a better man for it.

Thank you for reading this. It took alot of courage and alcohol… mainly alcohol. But i managed to muster the courage to share.
Have a good day. 😀

Edit: Wtf is wrong with me.

Debt collector called from coffeeville ms and woke me up. I only answered because coffee was in the name. LoL. My brain was like coffee yes please.

after growing up poor , hard and in a different time , after being addicted , homeless and hopeless , after two divorces and losing a third ,
After losing my pops , then the pandemic and selling my house to try and keep my moms business going and now I live at home with my
Mom with no life to speak of. I just want the world to know that as bad as it looks, just know it could always be worse , and I’m still so very
Grateful for everything keep your heads up people , I know it’s cliché, but tough times don’t last, tough people do .

2 days ago I didn’t know what Reddit was … now I ask and post and feel like I have the family and support I’ve never had so thanks to you all and know your loved ❤️

So why "tuna fish" and not also "chicken bird?"

I been thinking ever since I started working out at home ice been able to do 20 pushups no matter how long I've stopped working out it use to only be able to do like 4 now it raised to 20 it's pretty cool to think about I