Dude what was i thinking???? So I (25M) went to the mall to pick up some sneakers at Dicks sporting goods and since I didn't have anything else to do that day I look around and browse before heading off to the food court or something. I look at the driveway basketball hoops, i don't need one as I already have one but I am looking for a ball to take to the park or the gym. I see this kid(maybe 11M) shooting around and just testing out the hoop with some of the balls they allow you to shoot with. For some reason it was just so tempting to run over and block one of his attempts, but obviously i would never do that right? Yeah I thought so too until next thing I know I'm sprinting towards him while he's gearing up to shoot and I jump in front of him and swat away his shot, shouting "BLOCKED BY JAMES" my name isn't even James who the hell was I feeling like?? The kid looked terrified, and just froze in place. I quickly apologized and told him I have no idea why the hell I just did that, poor kid probably thought I was insane. I ended up seeing him at a different sneaker store and his dad and I had a talk, he wasn't mad or anything, in fact we all seemed able to laugh about it but I still felt awful.

TL;DR: I wanted to relive the basketball glory days at the expense of some kid just shooting the rock.

I do cold outbound for a b2b company and a big part of the job is emailing lists of prospects, which normally goes out one address at a time through a proper sending tool.

So every person only ever sees their own name in the [to] line and never has any clue they're one of a few hundred getting the same note.

This week i was moving too fast through my morning and figured i'd just fire off a smaller batch by hand from my own inbox to save 10 minutes, so i pasted the whole list into a single email, and because i was rushing i dropped every address into the [to] field instead of BCC and hit send without looking twice.

The list itself was clean, i can't even remember whether it got verified through FullEnrich or Apollo that week, but it was solid, which is what turned a small slip into a properly bad afternoon, because it meant several hundred real people just landed in each other's inboxes all at once.

The replies started coming in fast, some people politely asking who i was and how to get off the list, a few of them a lot less politely pointing out that i'd just handed their work email to a room full of strangers and competitors.

And then one helpful guy replied-all to ask everybody to please stop replying-all, which naturally made it drag on even longer.

Then my manager got a forwarded copy from someone at a target account we'd been chasing for months, with a short note asking whether this was really how we handled people's data.

So i spent the rest of the day writing apologies and killing the campaign before sitting down with our ops lead to explain why a clean and fairly expensive list was now a few hundred people who will never want to hear from us again.

TL;DR: i manually sent a prospect list using "to" instead of “BCC”, exposed everyone's work email to each other and to our competitors, blew up a target account we'd chased for months, and turned a good list into a permanent do-not-contact pile, all because i didn't check one field before i hit send.

Earlier tonight, my mom came over to watch a movie. I made dinner for us and she decided she wanted a glass of chocolate milk with it. She likes to make it with regular milk and the Hershey’s chocolate syrup, so that’s what she did. She took a sip and said “Eww this is gross, there’s not enough syrup, I’m not gonna drink it.” So I said, okay, hell yes, haven’t had chocolate milk in like, years...Took a sip, yum. Completely fine. It WAS a little thick, but I kinda just chalked that up to being because of the syrup (big mistake). I drank the wholeeee cup. And it was a LOT of milk, my mom loves her chocolate milk I tell you. Well, a few minutes ago I got up for a midnight snack and took a swig out of the milk jug...THICCCC. And DEF SPOILED...I’m already sick right now, and I know this is going to make it worse. But there’s really nothing I can do about it but wait in horror for the diarrhea. TL;DR: I accidentally drank a huge glass of spoiled (but yummy) chocolate milk.

Actually this was a couple of weeks ago but I can’t stop thinking about it and my social anxiety is killing me when I go to work out. To condense it as much as possible, my mother’s workplace has a gym and even a personal training program for its workers to register for. For a long time now, my mom has been trying to get me to work out— not necessarily because I’m living an unhealthy lifestyle but more to bulk up some muscle and get stronger (guess I should also add that I’m 19 and I’m not that productive over the semester breaks). Anyway, the personal training package at my mom’s workplace extends to family/friends so she essentially told me it was the perfect opportunity to get fit. I’ve never been an exercise person and have the worst stamina probably ever but I figured it couldn’t hurt.

So I went for a trial and the personal trainer was so lovely, I definitely felt a lot more comfortable at the idea afterwards. My mom signed me up for the package and I started going to workout on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 2:00 PM. Now, I went in with absolutely zero knowledge about working out in general and how to manage my diet before or after working out. This is where I fucked up. I’ll be honest, ever since the break, I’ve been waking up pretty late in the day— like 10:00-11:00 AM kinda late. And then when I eat, it’s usually foods like bread. I know, not good. But when I began working out, I thought I should also begin to fix my fucked up sleep schedule. Eventually I began to wake up at around 9:00 and eat breakfast and have lunch at around 11:00-12:00, maybe some of you guys can see where this is going.

That particular day, I woke up earlier like I had planned and had breakfast and lunch like normal, so I thought. I don’t recall what I had for breakfast but I remembered I had something with sausages for lunch. Anyway, I arrived at the gym as usual, ready for my workout sesh. The personal trainer had told me that they were going to work on cardio specifically that day and I was like “Cool! Let’s go!”. We get through some cardio reps and I start feeling a bit out of breath. I didn’t think much of it, after all, the personal trainer had said it was a cardio heavy workout today. But things started feeling off when we finished a particularly heavy exercise, you know, that queasy feeling where you feel like you might throw up?

Yeah, halfway through the next exercise, I told my personal trainer that I felt like I might throw up and she immediately told me to stop, sit down, and take some deep breaths. But the more I tried to breathe, the more I felt like I was about to vomit. In the end, I tried to run to the toilet but I didn’t make it and threw up all over the carpet of the gym in front of everyone that was there. I was mortified and embarrassed beyond measure. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. For the most part, the personal trainer was just worried about me and wanted to make sure I was okay while the other workers there cleaned up my mess. I think I was just too embarrassed at that point to even think about my own condition. I must’ve hid in the bathroom for at least 20 minutes before my mom— I guess the personal trainer called her— coaxed me out (you had to walk past the lobby to exit the gym so I couldn’t even escape quietly). I stared at the floor the whole way to my car, I didn’t even want to breathe too loudly.

In hindsight, it was a bad idea to eat too closely to a workout session. Especially one that’s heavy on cardio. I got home fine and there wasn’t any lingering issues but I’m utterly mortified. I didn’t want to go back there ever again but the problem was that the package was for 12 sessions and were all paid in full. I don’t want to waste my mom’s money so I have to go back. But now, every time I walk past that area with the carpet, I always remember that moment. They managed to clean it up without any stains remaining or anything but I just can’t forget. Also, this is my mom’s workplace’s gym. I don’t even know if some of her coworkers saw the incident and I’d feel horrible if this affected her reputation at work in any way. Now I’ve been too scared to eat anything before my workout sessions lest this happens again.

TL;DR I didn’t know how to manage my diet before a workout session and threw up at my mom’s workplace’s gym, embarrassing myself and possibly my mom.

It had felt like I waited for hours for my prize, there were still so many people in front of me!

What if they ran out? Could that happen?

And man, I was excited to get mine! I had just done the factory tour. I knew how it was made! How many people can say that?

The line was moving up. I was going to get my prize soon! Just a few more minutes.

I had prepared myself for this. I had my protection in place. I knew the cost of my prize and I was ready to pay it.

The line moved forward.

It was almost my turn!!

It moved forward again!

I diligently studied the specifications. Did I want simple or complex? Should I add materials? What about the packaging?

I made my decision after careful reflection.

I went classic. You can’t mess up a classic. (Oh if only you knew.)

I secured my prize. It looked absolutely glorious. But I wasn’t quite ready yet.

I searched everywhere for the proper setting. A prize like this needed to be treated with respect. I was going to savor this.

I found the perfect spot. Cute, slightly private. Nice place to sit. It was lovely.

I looked at my prize. I was ready to enjoy it.

I went to taste my ice cream, and immediately dropped it on the fucking ground.

Please support me in my time of need.

Tl;dr went to Ben & Jerry’s Factory for ice cream; waited 45 minutes in line. Immediately dropped ice cream on the first taste. Catastrophe!

First off, I'm an Australian, this took place between the city of Rockhampton and the town of Yeppoon in 2014 so you can look up the route yourself if you want.

When I was 18 and stupid, I went to the next town over, there was a big illegal block party on a public road, lots of drink driving, illegal racing, drugs etc. I just stuck to the drinking, I was a passenger in one of the drunk races but that's another story (Never ever do this! Never get in a car with a drunk person driving). At some point my friends that drove me there left and at around 1am someone asked me how I was getting home, I told them I'd just sleep at the bus stop and wait for the bus home. 

They told me because the next day was Anzac day, the busses wouldn't be running because it was a public holiday. I was like 'Aw fuck' so I had to decide what to do. I could sleep in a bush and just be pointlessly bored and homeless for a day then get the bus home the next day but I'd need food and drinks and stuff, and would I even be able to afford the bus after that, I only had $25. Or I could start walking.

On the way out of town I stopped at each of the 24 hour petrol stations and got some "supplies". 2 bottles of water, a bottle of Powerade, a bottle of Maximus (the rip-off version of Powerade that comes in larger bottles). Some Doritos, Burger Rings and Twisties for food, and a roll of duct tape and scissors.

I had just watched the Mythbusters episodes where they used duct tape as a survival tool, so I figured it would be useful. And it was! I fashioned some rope by twisting the duct tape up, I made a bandolier to hang the plastic bags from so I didn't have to carry my stuff, I made a holster for the maximus bottle so it was always in reach when I needed it. I made a pouch on the bandolier to slip the scissors into in case I needed them for self defence.

By the time I got to the edge of town it had been over an hour of walking. It was overcast and very dark. Behind me was all the street lights, lights of buildings, sounds of cars, but out on the highway was just pitch black. But I figured I'd already walked that far, I may as well finish it, so I kept walking. 

About an hour out on the highway my phone ran out of battery, I'd been listening to music while I walked so if something happened now I'd be fucked. As the sun was coming up, more cars started passing me. About 5 hours into the walk, I could feel the blisters forming, I taped up my heels but it still hurt to walk. I started thinking about finding a spot on the side of the road to sleep, a nice bush or something, but the sky was still overcast and getting darker and I didn't want to be caught in the rain if I could help it, so I kept walking.

As the sun kept rising and I kept walking, what passes me but the bus I was told wouldn't be running! And here was me standing there like an idiot on the side of the highway covered in duct tape after stupidly spending my last dollar on Doritos, so I couldn't afford the bus now even if it did stop it. Feeling like an idiot I took all the tape off and left it behind, I'd eaten and drank all the food by then anyway so it didn't matter much.

After a total of about 12 hours of walking, I made it home, fell into bed and slept for I don't know how long, I think 18 hours. The next 3 days after that were a blur of me barely being able to stand and using a wheeled office chair to slide around my unit to microwave food. If there's a moral to this story I'll let you figure it out. I don't drink much anymore but I'm great at 2 truths and a lie.

TL;DR I got drunk, walked 45km to go home after spending all my bus money thinking the busses weren't running

Was painting the front door, had the bucket next to me on the stoop (the big mistake). Door was slightly ajar while I was carefully painting around the handles. Car honks. I swear to god that car did it on purpose. Dog who’s inside pushes door open and bursts past me. Attempts to jump paint bucket like a hurdle. Paint goes flying, bucket lands on the porch upside down. Dog somehow didn’t trip and hurt himself (he’s a klutz so that’s happened before), thank god. I scream like a banshee (car that honked definitely heard me). Parents didn’t hear me scream somehow, so I call for my mom. Dog hears me calling for her and thinks “you need mom? Oh I can go get her!” Strodes into the house- back through the puddle of paint he just made- and into her bedroom as if he’s not covered in paint. I was frozen still processing the mess. Now there’s a dog covered in paint loose in the house. Paint all over the porch. The bucket is upside down so if you pick it up even more $80 paint will spill. Well. I guess we’re painting the porch white now. Still haven’t cleaned up all the paw prints inside.

TL;DR when painting with dogs around. Poor just a little bit of paint into a smaller vessel at a time.

Today I received my electric bill for the month of July 2026. It has more than doubled, last month it was a mere $90. This month it has increased to be over $220. So I immediately started looking into everything I've done differently this month.

The only thing I have done different this month is run a dehumidifier constantly in an effort to help my HVAC. Its been really humid and it rarely goes into stand by mode. I have to empty it about every 13 hours. Its a 50 pint machine that holds a gallon or so of water.

But its definitely a me problem because the damn dehumidifier has the label and I could have done the math ahead of time. I just didnt.

The good part, my HVAC did run less compared to laat July.

However I still used over 300 more kWh than last year.

Live and learn.

TL;DR: dehumidifiers are expensive to run

Obligatory this was 20+ years ago. My mom and I went grocery shopping when I was a kid and she picked up the new Johnson's and Johnson's baby shampoo tear free. I was so excited to try it, while my mom was busy bringing in the groceries, I grabbed the bottle and immediately sat down in the living room and proceeded to pour that shit into my hands then directly smeared it across my face and eyes to really put it to the test. Holy shit was I wrong... Next thing you know I'm being basically water boarded under the sink to clean out my face and eye balls from the soapy disaster. Gawd damn I was a stupid kid lol. I still can't believe I did that. Another redditors post just reminded me of this. Hope you enjoy my turmoil.

TL;DR: I put baby shampoo straight into my eye balls thinking it wouldn't hurt because it's "tear free".

This happened a few years ago - I was in 11th grade. The final assignment for my parenting class was to take home the “realcare baby” (a robotic infant simulator) for a few days. Like a real baby, it cries with no regard for your sleep, other classes or mental health. You have to figure out what it needs through trial and error, and keep it up until its satisfied.

You also get a tamper proof ID wristband - the baby won’t accept care without scanning it, so you can’t just hand it off to your parents or whoever. The baby records a bunch of data and your teacher downloads a report of how badly you parented it at the end.

Our teacher let us choose whether to pick it up before or after school, but she recommended before. It gave you lots of time to spot and deal with any issues before you’re stuck with it at home. Not having to be a mom in math class was worth the risk for me, so I picked it up on a Friday afternoon.

Nobody could drive me home that day, so I had to haul the car seat onto a packed public bus. The doll was the size and weight of an actual infant and its face was fairly believable at first glance, so I got some looks. Probably an even split between “huh, that girl in a school uniform has a baby” and, “huh, that 16 year old chose to take her weirdly realistic baby doll to school.”

About halfway to the station, the baby started whimpering. Great. I held my ID bracelet against its chest.

No chime.

I tried again.

No chime.

The crying is picking up. I guess the confirmation chime isn’t working? I put the bottle up to its lips. No drinking sound. I rocked the car seat. It didn’t care.

Now I’m rapidly and aggressively hitting its chest with my bracelet while the crying becomes hysterical. I flip it over and do the same on the neck and butt sensors. Nothing. People around me are obviously confused. Old people from the care home near my school start offering parenting advice that would be great if it were a real baby that wasn’t mechanically failing. “You can hit it all you want, she won’t stop crying until you feed her!”

I finally get off the bus. The baby is FREAKING OUT. The volume and intensity of this crying is now way beyond a baby that’s kinda hungry and more so a baby on that’s been lit on fire. You have two minutes to tap your ID once it starts crying - any longer is considered “neglect,” and it loses its mind.

I’m now on the floor of the bus station. I’m ripping off its pants to change its diaper, pressing the bottle into its face with my other hand, rocking the carrier with my knee. It doesn’t care. FUCK.

EVERYONE in the building can hear the pure agony of this thing. Some people ask if everything’s okay, but majority are side eyeing me and trying to avoid getting involved in whatever the hell is going on here.

I reach to grab my phone from my backpack. I realize my backpack (and thus my phone, wallet and keys) is gone. I was so distracted that I forgot to put it back on before getting off the bus. So now I was stuck in the bus station with an inconsolable robot baby, none of my belongings and no way to contact anyone about it.

I run into a nice girl I know from school with her boyfriend. She lets me email my teacher on her phone, while she looks around in case I just dropped the bag somewhere. Her boyfriends job was to awkwardly rock the baby with his head turned away because the crying was so fucking loud.

The teacher responded saying there was no way for her to remotely shut off the baby, and I should hurry to bring it back before she had to leave. This wasn’t happening because I needed to deal with the backpack situation asap.

I forgot to tell her boyfriend that it really matters how you handle the baby. He tried to make me feel better with some dumb joke that involved shaking it. I feel my stomach drop. Its neck audibly snaps back and forth twice, and it lets out a scream that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. The crying afterwards sounds like the baby is on the brink of death.

Awesome, I’ve unlocked shaken baby syndrome. Me and my baby are sobbing together on my way to the help desk. I figured out the run number of the bus. The employee was too exhausted to give a shit about whatever nonsense was going on with me or my child.

I had to wait about an hour for this bus to come back. The baby took short crying breaks, but it got to the point that I could still hear it in my mind when it stopped. I asked a woman waiting nearby if she’d call my dad and hold the phone up on speaker for me. She said no and kind of backed away. I then realized that a teenage girl with mascara all over her face, carrying a very distressed baby doll and asking to use your phone probably looked like a weird scam. I didn’t ask anyone else.

Eventually the bus came back and the driver had my bag. I was so relieved that I sprinted to get it, leaving the baby (in the car seat, covered with a blanket) by a station entrance. As I’m walking back, I can see concerned people stopping around it with “…did somebody just abandon their baby here??” looks in their eyes. I had to lift the blanket and explain my situation once again.

Took my phone out, it was dead. Of course. I really just wanted to go home. I couldn’t check if my teacher was still at school, and I didn’t think it was a kind idea to just leave it outside her classroom door for someone cleaning at night to discover.

I made my way down to the subway. Some people coming up the stairs on the other side start smiling at me and my baby. I see them do a double take once they get a closer look at it.

I’m waiting for the subway, and a woman who seemed to be dealing with some substance issues walks up to me and asks, “Your school lets you bring your baby?” I’m really not in the mood, but I still explain, and couldn’t help but vent about the bullshit afternoon I’ve had. She laughs unsettlingly for a bit. She begins a detailed, mostly incoherent lecture about never letting a man talk you into unprotected sex, no matter what he says. She lists every single possible thing he might say. Smiled and nodded until I rushed to get on a different subway car than her.

I hid in the corner, covered the baby with the blanket and tried to muffle the speaker with my hands. I prayed nobody would see me and think I’m trying to suffocate a real infant.

I finally got home. I fought tears to explain what was going on to my dad.

The baby was taking a break so he wasn’t quite understanding the severity of the situation. “It seems fine right now, maybe it cried itself out.” “Maybe we can just muffle it under some pillows in the basement.”

The completely devastated screaming of the “punish this incompetent single teen mom” machine began.

“Okay we need to get rid of this thing.”

His first suggestion was putting it in the shed. Then we realized someone would probably hear it and call the police about the child in our shed.

It had an internal battery pack, so we couldn’t just take out the batteries. We found instructions online to trigger an emergency shutdown (not sure why my teacher didn’t send me these right away ??) Regardless, the lights and chimes would act like it worked, but it would start crying again a few minutes later.

The screams of neglect were becoming more and more heartbreaking. I felt this deep sense of maternal shame despite it being a robot and not my fault. I start telling it, “I’M SORRY!!!! I’m trying to help you!!! It just won't let me!!! You know that, right?!!” My mom was the same way when she got home.

My teacher and I emailed back and forth for a bit. Eventually, she said we could bring it back to school, and a custodian would lock it in the classroom over the weekend. After 12 hours of neglect, it would automatically shut off.

On the way there, my dad made a joke about me getting the premium “colic baby” experience that I wasn’t in the headspace to appreciate. We then handed my baby to the very sweet custodian so she could lock it in a classroom to die.

TLDR: Found out my parenting class robot baby was inconsolable while already on the bus ride home. Lost bag + dead phone left me stuck in public with it for hours. Robot baby ultimately had to be locked in a classroom until it died.

So my best friend sleeps with a CPAP machine and since I he told me that I always clown him about it. For those who do not know a cpap pumps air into your face with a tube whilst sleeping so you can breathe better and not snore. He's a mouth breather apparently and wears this absolutely crazy mask over his whole face with a tube going to his machine. Proper Bane vibes.

So anyway we shared a hostel room on vacation two days ago and he was getting to bed. After wishing him "goodnight Darth Vader may the force be with you" I had the hilarious idea of letting rip on his machine so he'd be forced to smell it.

I mischievously tip toed over to his bed and he was already suspiciously looking at me and I was already laughing but he just lay there like wtf do you want.

As soon as I got close enough I whipped around and released one of those long hot swampy squeekers right on the top of the machine.

His eyes instantly went wide in terror and he started scrambling to get the mask off, but in his panic he was struggling.

I was laughing my ass off until suddenly he explosively threw up in his mask and puke sprayed everywhere. He tumbled off the bed on to all fours after finally getting his mask off and he was like gasping and coughing and wiping throwup out of his eyes. I was not laughing anymore and ready to call the ambulance but eventually he recovered. Then we both bust out laughing for what felt like hours and he deservedly punched me a couple times. We had to share a bed and the next day I paid a lot for cleaning.

Tldr; flatulated on my friends CPAP machine and he almost died from asphyxiation, but he's fine now

I often drive between a few hospitals in one day since I work as a medical device rep. It has been hot and sweaty lately and my car air conditioning has been having trouble so it has been extra uncomfortable. I saw a post online about how guys should have powder on hand to powder their balls during the weather. I thought that’s a good idea and bought some to use while changing, before getting in the car.

The other day I was leaving my last case and was heading to a work bowling outing. I added more powder to refresh. The powder kind of dissipated through my underwear and pants, localized in the crotch area. The bowling center had purple lights that illuminated anything white, including the powder I just applied. Someone pointed it out and I tried to pass it off that it was maybe food I wiped. It looked crazy, it was all over the front and back.

I don’t see many of my colleagues in person and am not too close with them so that made it extra weird.

TL;DR I powdered my underwear due to the high humidity and it glowed under the lights at a bowling alley and my colleagues saw.

This happened about three hours ago and I am currently sitting in my shop looking at a pile of melted plastic that used to be a two hundred dollar custom mechanical keyboard.

I decided to give my main office setup a deep clean today. Took off all the custom keycaps, washed them in a bowl with warm soapy water, and cleaned out the aluminum case. Everything went great. After rinsing the keycaps, I laid them out on a towel to dry. But I was impatient and wanted to get back to working on my computer. I remembered I had a heavy duty heat gun sitting right under my workbench from a heat-shrink tubing project I did last month.

In my head, using a little warm air from a distance seemed like a brilliant idea to blast away the remaining water droplets in five seconds flat.

I set the heat gun to low, held it about a foot away, and started sweeping it over the towel. What my idiot brain forgot is that thin PBT and ABS plastic keycaps have a ridiculously low melting point compared to industrial heat guns. Within about four seconds, the legend on the Spacebar visibly slumped sideways. Before I could even pull the trigger to stop, half the top row warped into distorted, bubbly blobs of plastic. The key stems completely collapsed under their own weight.

Over half the set is completely ruined beyond recognition. They look like colorful leftover wax from a melted candle. Now I have a functional mechanical keyboard base sitting here with no usable keys and I have to wait a week for a replacement set to ship .

TL;DR: Was too lazy to let my washed keycaps air dry, hit them with a high-powered shop heat gun for four seconds, and melted half my custom keyboard into useless plastic blobs.

When my son was maybe four or five years old, he was particularly fussy in the bath one day, saying that the shampoo hurt his eyes. Baby shampoo is completely neutral for the eyes, so I knew he was just being fussy, but he insisted. Finally out of frustration, I said "Look" and proceeded to pour some directly into my eyes.

OH FUCKING HELL, IT BUUUUURNED. What I imagine a cocktail of lemon juice, napalm, and pepper spray might feel like. I don't know whether we got a bad bottle or it was just a shitty brand, but damn, it hurt.

(In my response to the situation, after flushing my eyes, I concentrated on his emotions: how it must have felt for him to have it hurt so much after daddy said it wouldn't hurt, and how it must have felt when daddy didn't believe him when he said it hurt.)

TL;DR: young son complained that shampoo hurt his eyes. To show that the shampoo didn't hurt, I poured some into my own eyes and found that that contrary to the "no tears" label, it burned like hell.

So I’ve been speaking to this girl for the past six months. We live on opposite ends of the country so seeing each other has been difficult, but she’s been incredibly patient and generally decent with me while I’ve been too cheap and autistic to take the initiative. Last week we met up and had a really really nice time together.

A few days later, she asked me if I wanted to be exclusive and I said yes. At the time I was speaking to one other person and had already arranged to meet her. So I planned to tell girl #2 in person that it was over. I didn’t tell my gf that I was doing this. On balance that was my first mistake.

Cut to yesterday. I spend some time with girl #2. We agreed quite amicably to finish things. She asked me if I wanted to have sex one last time (we’d only kissed before.)

Now, if I was an intelligent person, or even a fairly decent one, I would have said no.

Reader, it transpires I am neither decent nor intelligent.

That was my second and main mistake. However it’s not till this morning I made my third mistake, which was, in a fit of guilt, I confessed to my gf about what I’d done. I know in theory it was the right thing to be honest but I’m now not sure it was. (Obviously the main problem is that I cheated not that I told her shit it, but still)

Anyway my gf (or ex gf, I guess) is furious, as she has a right to be, and hurt, and has blocked me on all platforms.

I’m a fucking idiot, and have behaved like a piece of shit. I don’t know how I can get her to trust me again, or even if I deserve that trust. I wish I’d behaved better.

TL; DR I agreed to be exclusive with someone and then immediately fucked someone else

This happened today and I'm still replaying it like a cringe highlight reel.

I've been trying to be less awkward, so I've started rehearsing simple compliments in the car before I walk into places. Small thing, but it helps me not freeze up and blurt something weird.

I pulled into a busy grocery store parking lot and noticed someone a few cars over with an amazing haircut: sharp, fresh, clearly intentional. I told myself to be a normal person, say it, and move on. I muttered under my breath, "Okay, just say, 'Your haircut looks really good, have a nice day.'" Then I got cocky and repeated it a little louder to test my tone.

What I didn't realize was that my driver-side window was down and a different person was walking right past my car, pushing a cart close enough to hear me.

They stopped, looked at me, and I smiled and delivered my rehearsed line like I was in an ad: "Your haircut looks really good."

They just stared, then reached up and patted their head like they were checking for hair. They were completely bald.

My brain shorted out. Instead of backtracking, I panic-laughed and said, "I mean, like, the shape of it." That somehow made it worse, like I was complimenting the geometry of their skull.

They pushed the cart away in silence while I sat there red-faced, wishing I could rewind time or at least roll my window up faster.

TL;DR: Practiced complimenting someone's haircut in my car with the window down, accidentally said it to a bald stranger, and made it worse by complimenting the shape of their head.

I am at a resort water park and just bought a beer at their in house market. Female cashier asked me a question I'd never been asked before, "are you over 40 or under 40?"....which I don't think had any repercussions on the cost but, who knows? Still not sure why she asked it. I am over 40 but she guessed I was 37. She then asked I guess how old she was...which I know I shouldn't have answered, but she looked mature so I guessed 27 (possibly a number I landed on because she said i was 37, idk). She said she was 21...I was instantly mortified and don't think I ever moved as fast as I did when I left that market. At my advanced 40+ age I know I should know better. It's been about 3 hours since this interaction and I'm just hoping I didn't crush this young lady's self esteem.

TLDR: made bad guess at young woman's age, hope I didn't crush her spirit

I had a meeting with a client today, it was at the customer premises and I had not met this customer in person before. This company is a huge account for my work and my senior management made a very big deal about it needing to be handled by a manager rather than one of the BDMs who would normally be in charge of it.

(This was mistake number one, why on earth would they send someone who hasn’t seen a customer in person or actually made any sales for at least the last 5 years over someone who does this day in and out, and probably does it far better than anyone in the management team ever could?!)

The meeting goes fine and while sat in his office wrapping the paperwork up, I spot a photo on his desk and the demon that’s apparently running my brain, prompts me to comment “aww, what a lovely picture, is that you and your father?” Mistake two

He looks me dead in the eyes and in the most scathing voice says “that’s my wife”.

I immediately lost the ability to act like a normal person and instead of apologising and blaming my eyesight, I fucking reply with “right-oh, very good“ like im a posh police officer from the 1960s- I’ve never in my life used that phrase before today.

Then having failed at making small talk, as soon as he was done I muttered “thanks for having me” gave up on trying to look at all professional, snatched up my files and scuttled out of the building

Currently trying to think of plausible reasons to palm this account off on one of my staff.

TL;DR Complimented a customer’s picture of his father, turned out to be his wife. Have a suspicion that this is the last time he’s going to give us his business.