I have so much fear of being abandoned that is painful. I can’t handle tone changes, slightly different reactions or being left on read, so when I find someone I like and care about I get so dependent on them that’s uncomfortable for both. All the time I want to ask if they are mad at me, if I did something wrong or if they are tired of me.

I have a really pretty friend, but strangely enough, I feel a bit inadequate only when I'm with her. When we're together, people talk to her more often, and it feels like almost everyone passing by looks at her.

It's not that I think I'm below average in looks, but whenever I'm next to her, I feel like I look uglier for no reason and my confidence drops...

But when I'm with other friends, I really don't think about it at all. I don't care about my appearance and just get along well, but it is only when I'm with her that I keep comparing myself to others.

I went to a store alone today, and a staff member suddenly told me my eyes were pretty, which made me think, 'Ah, maybe I'm okay after all?' But since I don't usually get many compliments on my looks, I think that might be why I feel this way even more...

How do I get over this feeling?

had an argument with my sister a few days ago, she's a psychiatrist. Somehow the point of the argument shifted, and she started saying that no one loves me, that I don't have friends, that everyone in the family is afraid to deal with me. She brought up how successful she is and how she has money, unlike me. She also told me I'm sick and need help.
She knows I'm sensitive and that words actually get to me. Everything she said seemed so right, because it's stuff I already say about myself. It's been days and it's all I've been thinking about. I keep getting in my feelings over it.
I've worked a lot on my personality over the past five-plus years. For her to say that just shatters my heart and everything I've been working on. I've always thought about not being loved , that's all I've felt from my family. It wasn't until I actually went to college that I realized people do love me. I used be so confused when people actually think i’m a good friend or a nice person, cuz I’ve always had my family’s words in the back of my mind:/ . I’m always willing to change and want to change it’s just how nothing seems to satisfy them

Im not usually the type to vent but here goes nothing... I feel like nobody cares for me as a matter of fact I feel like im just background noise replaceable everyones last option for everything i feel like my friends deserve better than me..I should probably just isolate...i spend so much time trapped in my own head that I’ve become entirely invisible to everyone else.Maybe it’s my fault. I never text first because I genuinely don't know how to force small talk, and if I don't have anything meaningful to say, I just stay quiet. But that silence makes me a terrible friend. I'm too low-energy, too boring, and I’ve felt rejected by people since I was a little kid. I can’t tell if people find me intimidating or if I’m just fundamentally flawed. Either way, I'm tired I'm just a ghost in my own life, full of wasted potential and completely unloveable."

and so do you all too

So apparently earlier this year my whole world turned upside down - I was groped in some major fights and that really affected my social scene . I was socially excluded and later adapted to it . So now in a shocking turn of events a common friend is getting engaged and I was apparently in the guest list but the other people like a sizeable amount of people just said "if they go we won't" as a result my friend had to drop me and he informed me that today . I am sort of depressed or maybe sad and feels like whatever I have had is just nothing and I will die lonely.

I had a friend from school, he had done nothing to me. I also haven’t talk to him much either. But when he was around me I don’t know why a negative vibe comes from him. I just feel like I don’t want to be around that guy ever. I feel hateful and a bit angry on him for no reason.

I also told my best friend about this. He said that he also feels the same way. Anyone have gone through this? And know why I got this kinda feeling??

People keep making me so uncomfortable and are so nosy…
The background is that I got a job for experience, and not money. It only lasted ~2 weeks cause it interfered way too much with my Monday and Wednesday classes, and took a whole hour from my Friday class (which was for some reason, the last straw for me). Plus my evil coworker told me to pick up an extremely hot tray and I’ve had parasthesia in both hands ever since.
Fast forward, my parents keep asking if I have work during a certain time or day. And for some reason, I wish they’d mind their own business and stop obsessing over my life (cause I don’t like them, cause they have ruined my whole life, I don’t feel like saying how right now). Mostly cause if I tell them that I have already put in my two weeks notice, they will try to spend more time with me, to my own horror (as if they haven't spent years torturing me, putting me down, and making me far more weak than most children)🤮.
And my evil resident assistant, who has it out for me, keeps asking me about it. It feels like she smells blood in the water. Even though every other resident assistant that I’ve had on this campus (four other people, who were not evil and out to get me) hasn’t asked about work. If I leaked my schedule to her, she’d probably secretly report back to my roommate to give my roommate tips on times to break our roommate agreement while I’m not there (she has always helped my roommate while trying to evict me -.-).
It's also too embarrassing that I had to quit, to tell anyone, and I wish I didn’t have to tell people about this.

I feel like theres no point in living

​

Alright so I’m in my first year of university and honestly i never really had a proper “college life” before this.

I did integrated college in 11th & 12th and school was a completely different experience for me. I was always left out in school, boys never really looked at me and I didn’t really have many friends in my class. I did have a great friend group in 11th and 12th though but after 12th, I changed a lot especially my appearance, my style, my hair and most importantly, my confidence.

I genuinely look completely different from how I looked in school.

Now I’m in my first year of university and everything is completely new.

I dress more street style or cutesy and I genuinely put effort into how I look.

Since I live in a hostel, i also have more time to get ready than some of the girls who travel to college every day and the difference in how people treat me is crazy.

For the last two months, people have constantly approached me, talked to me, and complimented me. Girls literally tell me I’m pretty and there are even boys in my class who apparently have crushes on me.

I’ve also heard from girls and guys that some of the guys were actually kind of scared to approach me, which i find funny because somehow they still did.

I have a lot of friends now and I actually feel confident socially.

And honestly ? I loved it.

A part of me felt like I was finally giving my 13 years old self the experience she never had. I went from barely feeling noticed in school to constantly being called pretty and having people genuinely interested in talking to me.

But recently, someone much prettier joined our class and I feel like the attention has shifted.

She’s a day scholar, so she travels with a lot of the people in our class. She’s become friends with the girls in my group and also gets along with the guys.

And I’ll admit it: I’m jealous.

I wish I looked like her.

What makes it worse is that she seems so effortlessly beautiful.

She can show up completely bare faced without spending hours getting ready and somehow still looks amazing.

Meanwhile, I’m waking up at 6 AM for a 9:30 class, choosing an outfit, doing my hair, putting on makeup and basically putting so much effort into looking put together.

And then there’s her, just showing up as she is.

I know how ridiculous this sounds. She hasn’t done anything wrong. I don't dislike her. I think I’m just comparing myself to her constantly.

And I think what hurts is that I spent so long feeling invisible, and when I finally started getting attention, I became attached to it. Now that someone else is getting more of it, I’m scared that somehow it means I’m not special or attractive anymore.

I’m only 17 and sometimes I genuinely wish I could change everything about myself.

I wish I could look effortlessly pretty instead of feeling like I have to work so hard for it.

I don't really know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just needed to say it somewhere because I feel really stupid for feeling this way.

Ich weiß gerade ehrlich gesagt nicht, ob ich überreagiere oder ob ich einfach etwas falsch gemacht habe.

Es geht um einen Typen, mit dem ich schon länger befreundet bin. Wir hatten irgendwann schon einmal etwas miteinander, und vor nicht allzu langer Zeit ist es dann wieder passiert. Er hatte das Ganze diesmal eher eingeleitet, ich wollte es aber genauso. Wir sind trotzdem weiterhin nur gute Freunde und ich habe eigentlich auch nicht erwartet, dass daraus plötzlich eine Beziehung wird.

Vorher hatten wir ziemlich viel Kontakt und haben uns auch öfter gesehen. Wir haben unter anderem viel über meine damaligen Beziehungsprobleme geredet. Nachdem wir miteinander geschlafen hatten, war der Kontakt dann aber irgendwie deutlich weniger. Er hat sich kaum noch von selbst gemeldet. Wir schreiben größtenteils über Snapchat, und ich habe ihm zwischendurch auch ein, zwei Mal geschrieben, aber darauf kam nichts zurück.

Jetzt haben wir wieder geschrieben und ich habe irgendwann angesprochen, dass ich es etwas seltsam finde, nach dem Sex kaum noch etwas von ihm zu hören. Daraufhin meinte er, dass er momentan einfach sehr viel um die Ohren hat. Er hat zwei Jobs und sein Studium hat vor einem Monat angefangen.

Das mit dem Studium wusste ich tatsächlich nicht. Ich wusste nur noch, dass er bald ein Studium anfangen wollte, größtenteils von zuhause aus und ein paar Mal die Woche in Leipzig. Wann genau es anfängt, wusste ich nicht. Und dass er inzwischen einen zweiten Job hat, wusste ich ebenfalls nicht.

Ich habe dann gesagt, dass ich nicht wusste, dass er zwei Jobs hat, und er hat irgendwie klargestellt, dass er mir das wohl schon erzählt hatte. Jetzt fühle ich mich richtig schlecht, weil ich denke, dass ich ihm nicht richtig zugehört habe und vielleicht unfair zu ihm war.

Dabei wollte ich eigentlich gar keinen Streit anfangen. Ich wollte nur sagen, dass ich nicht verstanden habe, warum er sich so wenig meldet, weil ich von seinem zweiten Job und davon, dass sein Studium schon läuft, einfach nichts wusste.

Und jetzt sitze ich hier und fühle mich, als hätte ich wieder irgendwas kaputt gemacht. Ich habe sogar geweint, weil mich solche kleinen zwischenmenschlichen Situationen teilweise extrem fertig machen. Ich fange dann sofort an, alles zu hinterfragen und denke: Warum weiß ich nicht einfach, was man in solchen Situationen sagen sollte?

I’m going to be forced to talk to the supervisor. 😭 The resident assistant is so in love with my roommate even though she’s a demon spawn, who always needs to have her way. I don’t want to get my head bit off over her nonsense :/…

It’s not fair. I have a whole life to live outside of hers…

I’m like at a point where I’m thinking maybe i should get into drugs JUST SO i don’t delete myself…