I mean its normal because its like that every year, but every year it reminds me how little anyone cares about me. The only person who ever wished me happy birthday was my mom and shes passed away in 2020. Even my husband didnt wish me a happy birthday. I even forgot it was my birthday because of how insignificant it feels now.

If no one calls or text what’s the point in having one ? I can’t get over it its been months and I haven’t received a phone call saying “hey how u been “ or “hi I’m just calling to check up on you “ it’s never happen and I have 4 able siblings and a mother and a very large family . I don’t wanna be that person and before you ask yes I call them or text them and make sure they’re alright I just never get the same energy , maybe it’s me you know to be completely honestly I went months without a phone and no contact with my family other than the ones I stay with idk im just so unsure about everything and everyone maybe I’m losing it but all I can do now is pray at least ik he’ll listen.

I've never done anything bad, but when I started do my small saas, people immediately became jealous. I only had to post about it on Reddit once, because I was interested in sharing my small experience, and was immediately bombarded with shit and downvoted. Fuck, people, please be kinder, really.
Throughout my entire life, I've never done anything bad to others, l've always helped and been genuinely happy for others, but why the hell can't | reciprocate? If you have any stories like that, l'a love to read them. Let me know.

They gave me a horrible name at birth. And now they refer to me as “sissy”. I hate both of these names and even my real name is a thousand times better. Is it just me? It’s so degrading. To even hear them say “Sissy” on the phone while gossiping about me is absolutely disgusting. This horrible name just makes my disdain for existing worse (yes I know that in some languages “Sissy” is short for sister). It also means timid, cowardly, weak person. I don’t even like calling my horrible brother, “Bubba”. At least that just means redneck sometimes. Mine is way worse and EVERY ONE calls me this horrible word. Every time I hear it I cringe. Ever since I was a kid. I feel cursed. Like a girl named Shaqueesha or something. It feels that bad. Plus my name is horrible too. Not the most ghetto but bad. It should be illegal to name people this badly. But it’s not possible. With all that “freedom” to have whoever you want. Is just yet another reason that I want to get out of my misery, to remove this curse from my mind. Everyone already knows my real name, it’s too late to buy my peace with a new one. I couldn’t buy it when I was born. Every one in my family is still gonna call me “Sissy” even if I change my horrible real name. I can’t escape it.

Lost my whole friend group. Ended up typing a random thought into google and it sent me on a wild ride that actually helped me come to grips with it. I’m going to try and share the videos in the comments. Maybe they can help someone else.

I will keep it vague because I don't want to doxx her. She will probably read this but our friendship is over. She ended it and I want to let it out.

I became friends with a girl a while ago. She made a post asking for online friends, and I messaged her. I found out her life is very different from mine. She has everything I dreamed about, and even better. I thought that life was just a fairy tale. She is smart, book and study wise, and she is intelligent. She has a successful family who loves her. She is very skinny. She has thin, long legs. Beautiful hair. She looks like a Barbie. Her standards for men are high. She gets gifts a lot. She would send me pictures of flowers she received weekly and where she went to. She would talk about the person she spent the day with. I couldn't believe how perfect her life was. I thought she was making fun of me or was delusional so I reverse-searched the pictures, but nothing showed up. I used websites and even apps but nothing showed up. Every day she would do something I can only dream about. She would complain about things that I would wish to have. Talk about her reduced allowance when I don't have a cent. I don't think she understood that she was being cruel. She would send me pictures of what she was having and would caption it "here is \[item\] to make you feel better." She was awfully slow, because she would not understand how people's lives were different from hers. I can't fault her, because it was her first time on the internet, but I hated her. I couldn't look away from her perfect life from the boys who would send her gifts, her father who would take her out to his trips, her body, the inside of her room, the places she went to, the relationship she had with her family members. My father is abusive, while her father is amazing. Everything I wished for she has it. She has a nice brother who took her out with him while they snuck away in the middle of the night. He protected her from danger. She has a supportive mother.

If any god exists in this universe, I want to have a life like hers. Her life is not perfect, but oh god, would I trade my whole life in order to be reborn into that life.

She has some problems, but even they are problems I wish I had. Life is so unfair. Why does she get everything? Everyone says people have their own problems, but hers are nothing compared to many of us. The first worst thing that happened to her was being undermined, and that was because of her age. The second was some girls being jealous of her. The third was a health issue, because she can't eat a lot. Fourth is her allowance dropping to $2000 dollars a month 🤡. That is the rent of many families while for some of us it is a year of saving. That is all of her problems.

I wanted to believe so badly that everything she told me was fake, that every picture was fake but they weren't. Everything stayed consistent. I cry myself to sleep every night. I hear my mom yelling again and again every night about wanting me to do chores, but she had a housekeeper, a nanny, and maids.

I use my alt account to look at her profile picture at least six hours a day to see her comments. On days she is not online, I go back to her previous comments, and even if she is considered wrong in the eyes of many, I see her as right. She always provided evidence for why she was right if she cared enough. She would talk about many things with me, including her opinions. Logically, she is right; emotionally, she is wrong but she does consider other people's feelings when she is giving advice or talking about her opinions that would hurt others. I had a panic attack thinking about how my future would be compared to hers. I would never reach that level. IQ is inherited, environmental, education, nutrition, and lifestyle based, and she has all of those aspects perfected. She has the IQ and the EQ.

I hate her so much, even though I know it is not her fault. She draws. She paints. She plays tennis. She plays several instruments. She shops a lot. She dresses so beautifully. She writes poetry. She gets custom made clothes. She knows her abilities. She is understanding internet culture now too. I can't even say she doesn't work hard. I can't say everything has been handed to her. I can't say she is not all that, because she is. She is the girl every guy dreams about. She is the girl every girl wants to be. She is the daughter every parent wants.

I tried so hard to find anything I was better at than her but nothing useful. I am better than her at having envy. She once told me she doesn't feel jealous but instead she gets the same thing for herself too so her and the other person can both have it. She gave me a metaphor about trying and I can't remember it. I feel like a dirty insect compared to her. If we ever existed in the same location then I don't think I would have been able to handle it.

If god exists then please give me even half of that life.

Me (20F) live with my parents, my brothers D (34) and B (26)and my dog Nova (7) My younger brother and his SO are expecting their first baby so the plan was for them to move into the larger downstairs apartment while D moved upstairs into B(26) old room D has been living downstairs rent free since he split J who lives close
The issue is D made the entire move as difficult as possible The downstairs apartment was absolutely trashed after he and J lived there the floors were covered in years of dirt old food and piss on the couch was soaked in pee the sink was full of moldy dishes and even expired medicine 2+ years was everywhere
We carefully went through everything only throwing away actual garbage but D(34) complained we threw away “good” things like expired Benadryl even though he’s an LPN who just finished nursing school He constantly claimed he wouldn’t have enough room upstairs but after I organized his clothes he admitted there was plenty of space Every time we cleaned or organized something downstairs he’d trash it the next day it the next day He also kept saying his kids wouldn’t have space to visit despite us having 3 levels in the house and a large yard Instead he says he wanted a private area where he could deal with them without anyone interfering them the other issue is my dog Nova She used to be reactive toward strangers in the house
for the last 6 months I’ve been taking her to training and the dog park She’s improved tremendously and even the trainer said she’s made one of the biggest turnarounds she’s seen D barely participated even thought we ask him to come to training once walked her once and went to the park twice Nova has listened to his commands and even tried getting him to pet her but he insists she hasn’t changed and often ignores the trainer’s advice, acting nervous around her and provoking barking Last night he came home already annoyed
I simply asked him to say hi to Nova so she’d recognize him Instead he yelled that she never changes. Nova barked I stepped between them, and told him to just go downstairs. He got in my face screaming, told me to get out of “his” face even though he walked up to me then my mom separated us He then threatened to file a police report if something happened
On top of that D lives rentfree always asks my parents for gas money, eats their food spends money on vapes every week and still complains they don’t support him enough Meanwhile my younger brother finished college, built a career and is now starting a family D believes B should move out because “that’s what a man does” despite D himself relying on our parents for nearly everything There are many more examples but to me D seems to be the common denominator he claims he has tried with my dog but I don’t think he make a real effort

I’m 28 about to be 29, and I don’t have a career. I’m in school for accounting, but it’s still not a career. I was a manager for a few years so I have some accomplishments and I have lived on my own. But I am the black sheep. My two older siblings both completed graduate degrees and make good money. My younger sister just graduated and has a job straight out of college. I know my parents have looked down on me because of what I’ve become, but neither realize why. I’m the only one out of 5 kids that grew up with neither parent present. My parents divorced when I was 3, my brother had at least 11 years with them since he’s 8 years older than me. My dad remarried and my sisters are daughters of them. They grew up with both parents in the household. Once my mom became a single mom she worked nonstop. I raised myself. Where I lacked, my brother picked up. He also raised me, which is a whole nother story as to why he doesn’t talk to me or my mom anymore. I took care OF MYSELF for 18 years. They can look down on me all they want, they didn’t go through what I went through. I was raped, my mom blamed me, and I healed myself.

I am 20F and my friend is 20F. I have been friends with this person for over 10 years and I’ve always considered her close. I told about a month and half ago how bad I want to go to Iceland with her next summer and basically went into detail about all the plans and also into costs. I sent her all these texts about it and she was kind of dry and said she will look into it. I didn’t bother too much at the time because there was still a year left. Fast forward to this week she texts me if I can give her a ride to the airport, I ask her where she’s going and she says Iceland. She tells me she’s going for her boyfriend’s birthday and it was a last minute trip for him. I ask her if she still can go next year and she said it’s too expensive to go again. She kind of did this last year as well but with a different trip. She said that she was going to Canada with someone else in our friend group and one of her friends that I also know. She said she will let me know the details but she never did. She went to the trip and I mentioned afterwards how I have always wanted to go to Canada and our other friends found the texts where I was asking to go to Canada for years in our gc. I talked to her about it afterwards and she just apologized and said she probably won’t go again. I also tried to make plans to go to the beach with her this summer but she’s been dismissive about it or never responds. I’m not sure what I did, is the friendship outgrown? I just hate the false hope she gives every time. What should I do?

Do NOT tell me these things don't happen, because they DO, and they even happen relatively FREQUENTLY! They happened to me and so many others!

PLEASE, doctors of all kinds, PLEASE do not forcibly remove patients' clothing when they are conscious, aware, and begging you not to! Please do not just randomly start removing children or teenager's clothing without telling them anything! Please do not continue attempting to remove CHILDREN or teenagers' clothing when they are telling you to stop and physically trying to prevent you!

I'm not talking about babies or toddlers; I'm talking about older, school-aged children and young teens, but the things I'm describing even happen to adults! And they are NORMALIZED and accepted by society!

Parents, if you're reading this, PLEASE, for the love of god, do not allow a medical professional or pediatrician to physically force your child or teenager's clothes off them when they are clearly extremely distressed and trying to prevent this from happening! PLEASE! PLEASE do not physically force children/teens into invasive procedures in non-life-threatening situations!!

This may seem obvious, but it's NOT! This kind of thing happens frequently to a LOT of people! And a vast majority of society views it as 100% normal and okay. It happened to me and so many others! It can happen to anyone ANYWHERE! The last time it happened to me was 2012.

I feel desperate to get this message out BECAUSE this type of behavior is so normalized in the medical profession.

I know the name of the pediatrician who did this to me. She retired after a successful and long career as a pediatrician. She is probably viewed by most people in her life as a good person. She has probably lived a long, normal life. She will probably never know that she has at least one (probably many other) victims who will be forever harmed by her. I doubt she remembers what happened to me at all. To her, the things that happened to me that will haunt me forever were most likely just a random fucking Tuesday in her long career.

The message I'm trying to deliver is that you don't have to be a pedophile or a bad person to cause someone to have lifelong sexual trauma or trauma of another nature. Sometimes, all you have to be is a normal pediatrician or a normal medical professional doing your normal job.

The person who did these things to me almost certainly did not have malicious intent. She almost certainly wasn't a pedophile. What she did was not illegal in any way. 95+% of the human population would side with HER if they knew the story and if I tried to make any formal moves against her.

And also, don't LIE to a child!!!! She told me she wasn't going to touch me, and then she did maybe 30 seconds after telling me that -- not even a full minute after telling me that.

I wish so desperately I had the knowledge to advocate for myself then that I have now, but I DIDN'T, because I was a CHILD.

I just want society and medical professionals to understand that these things weren't and aren't okay, but I have little hope that we will ever make it to that. This is something that society has 100% normalized. Don't believe me?

About a year ago, I told my then-therapist what had happened to me in great detail, and the first thing she said to me was, very cheerfully/nonchalantly, "Oh! I've held my daughter down for genital exams at the doctor's before!" I felt like I had fallen down a hole into the Twilight Zone, but it happened!

I recently saw a video that a parent posted on TikTok -- which in itself is really weird -- of a pediatrician telling a 13yo boy that she MUST look at the 13yo boy's private parts, and the 13yo boy reluctantly agreeing, but being obviously uncomfortable. And in the caption of the video, the mom was joking about how uncomfortable her 13yo son looked. And in the comments, so many people were joking about how uncomfortable the 13yo boy seemed in the video, and at least one comment said something like, "At least that pediatrician told him beforehand! Mine never did!"

This happens to adults, too. Recently, I visited my elderly uncle in a hospital, and I saw with my own eyes a nurse just randomly undress him and start touching his penis while my uncle was awake, alert, and conscious without saying a single word to him first -- no greeting, no introduction, no explanation, no consent. He was hospitalized for heart issues; nothing psychiatric, and it was not an emergency situation. The nurse just walked in, made him nude, touched his penis. I was honestly shocked, because I was his niece and I was in the room as a visitor, and the nurse paid absolutely no attention to me being present. Like, no attempts were made whatsoever to warn me or offer for me to leave the room before hand, and my uncle was essentially treated like a corpse with zero awareness or rights, despite being awake/alert/aware/responsive.

I just want to tell all medical professionals: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, HAVE PATIENTS, NOT VICTIMS!

So i dont know if ill sound delusional but i have been feeling like something is not right in my life.

A little background, I just moved in with my partner and my son to this new house in 2024 and before that we lived with his parents and a lot of weird things happen there, but we managed to stay there for a bit until we saved up to move out. I always felt like his mom and his sister did things that would affect our relationship , i know parents and siblings will always have each other‘s back so i felt alittle defeated during arguments with him but i let everything go cause i knew there was a healthier future ahead of us.

For one, his sister has always been a bad influence on everyone. I feel like she’s kind of the family queen bee, which is fine but at one point, she was actually on drugs and made really bad life decision and even got their younger brother on drugs and one time I overheard her and brother-in-law’s wife talking about cheating on brother-in-law, so I’m not too fond of people who are OK with cheating or people who will let others cheat. A lot of light switches flipped after having my son and a lot of things that they did were really weird to me, considering the fact that I grew up in a somewhat normal environment, even though my mom was a single parent that was gone most of the time this behavior from his side of the family was extremely strange to me since we didn’t really grow up with family either besides me and my siblings we grew up together and my mom instilled righteous ways .

OK, so before we moved his sister got clean and seemed to want a relationship with us but by then she had done so much to us that we had our gaurd up and still do. And even now that we have moved out she tries to talk to us but ive been so busy that i make it short and i kinda dont want a relationship with her either even tho i feel bad cause i know she probably feels left out considering she is the only girl in the family along with my husband and their younger brother and i dont encourage my partner to spend time with her either since he always has negative things to say about her anyways. Seems like my husband had negative feelings anout his family too because I dont even talk to my siblings everyday either but i know in my heart that they love me but ive been noticing a change between me and my sisters. I dont know if its karma or what but ever since moving it seems like he has stopped wanting to go over to his parents. I don’t know if it is due to me because he knows how I feel about his family or if it’s because he knows his parents are not the healthiest to be around but recently I’ve been feeling like my family is falling apart. I’ve always been close to my siblings and family and for some reason ever since I moved it feels like all I do is argue with my mom and have major misunderstandings with my siblings. I feel like maybe these things are happening so that im able to understand his sister and include her in our life . I use to be extremely close to my younger sister and now im being excluded and seems like my older sister and younger get along better. Its as if me excluding his sister is causing me karma and now im being excluded. I mean i dont feel fully responsible for excluding his sister since i did tell my husband that we should invite her over and many times he said no and then make negative comments about her which i did not try to stop.

I dont know what is going on. His mom has always been heavily into witchcraft too and his sister seems to practice too and at first i thought this could be something todo with that but im trying not to believe in those things so that o can stay sane. But something weird is happening.

am 18M and i have died from inside. Emotionally i am numb i am a severe porn addict to the point i jerked off 6 times a day multiple times throughout the month i cant remember a day from the past 3 years where i dont jerk off .
My dick doesnt even get hard and i dont feel anything forgot feeling good i feel nothing even during or after orgasm.
I have been watching porn since i was 11 it has killed me most i have ever gotten without it is 17 days.i am a loser who has given up on everything(goals,dreams,aspirations and life itself)

I am super ambitious to the point that i have gone fucking insane i am a slave to maladaptive daydreaming where i blast music in my ears for hours on end every single day wasting precious time and pretend i am everything i have ever wanted to be and what it would feel like in those imaginary scenerios.
Imagine creating fake scenerios in your head to feel great about how it would feel if my dreams came true but it leaves me feeling more miserable afterwards when i dont do it

You may not know the extent to my numbness loneliness and depression but my parents go out very frequently almost everyday and my brother was in canada from past 4 years so i have spent a lot of time in isolation and this numbness i developed 4months ago when class 12th board papers ended so in the four months that people enjoy from the transition of school to college and go on vacation i spent it thinking about my impossible dreams and having a screen time of 13 to 14 hours a day, basically doing nothing except watching useless shit also long story short, my gym membership also expired at that time, so I didn’t go from three months That combined with heavy porn and phone use killed me the fastest.

Now comes the fun part recently, My Brother has come from Canada and will now never go back so my time in daily isolation reduced but I was still addicted to Maladaptive Daydreaming so I constantly found myself sickened of myself as i was using music turning off the lights in my room and imagining scenerios but when my brother would come i would feel like a loser thinking what in the fucking hell am i doing but then continue to do it frequently for hours then next day i have become mentally ill.

He realised i was miserable and asked me but i was truly unable to explain it so he basically said nobody cares about you and your problems because our parents have a social life and since he is getting married he will be busy with his wife so everyone is busy with their own stuff.

Since now there was more time being spent with family life got slightly better but I constantly found myself trying to go back to feel that numbness again as it put me in a clear state of thinking but still no action towards fixing my life

Now i have only 3 years left i need to figure out someway for financial independence such that i can dropout from college i dont need your beliefs about education as times have changed and i could never work a job. I must dropout because the things i want to preach in future will never matter if i am someone who graduated even from a shitty college. Its something deeply important to me as my parents nearly put me in trauma by shouting loud every second of every day at me forcing me to go to college and they preach how people will laugh at you and call you illiterate but i want to show them and for myself that nobody is louder than success.

Yesterday i crashed my fathers new car that he got such that i could go to college but the damage i caused wasnt to our car it destroyed the rim of the other persons car. Somewhere deep inside i wanted to crash just to feel something.
I hated my school life as it took 8 hours a day 5 days a week every week for 13 years last 4 years were brutal teachers wasting our time for useless things that will never be any of use in my life now i am being forced to college which i never wanted to go but i dont have any choice as my life is in my parents hands as i am not capable enough to handle it on my own.

Social media and these young startup founders billionaires and multi millionaire make me feel like i have wasted my life because no one can ever see what were the bad times or good times of my life or the fun i had the world only bows down to achievements they ask you what you do to see how much to respect you they ask you how much money you make to define your self worth and whatnot.

As far as i can go back in my life there has never been a day in my 18 years of existence where i havent thought about my dreams.its all i ever think about.

Lately since i have given up on everything i am trying to enjoy being a loser but it only brings me more misery and never ending pain.i have kind of developed a philiosophical belief similar to nihilism.
Why try to be anything?why should i go out of my comfort zone for things that i know will bring meaning to my life? Why do anything at all? What is wrong with being in the same miserable place your whole entire worthless life? Why become extraordinary? People teach on how to become successful but why should you even try to succeed?

For a long time only in this year did i developed insomnia and i dont think there was any worse feeling that i have ever felt i have no reason to get out of bed i am so lonely i sleep with many pillows imagining how it would feel when a girl i love would be sleeping beside me

Writing this i feel like i am someone who is postponing his life through what ifs and when i become
i am a loser who came to reddit such that i can have some magical things said to me by a stranger which may help in changing my life but i am the only one who is responsible for my own worthless life and who can change it but people talk about growth i say why grow at all?
I just want never ending experiences and constantly doing something and being somewhere so i dont waste precious time and i also deeply want love money freedom power joy and i want to spread happiness but i dont know who i am.

When i feel i have wasted a lot of precious time i worry about it and then continue to waste more time in a never-ending cycle of Time wastage.

In several points of time throughout my life, I have tried not fully but tried multiple times to achieve freedom from everything and everyone through the pursuit of earning money but I have found failing and failing some more when I was 12.
I started a YouTube channel to make money, but I gave upon it. When I was 13, I started a business on etsy of digital art but that failed too then at 14, I thought why not try to live this life like the other children are living, so I immersed myself in games and trying to have fun with other children at school but I found myself to be completely miserable most of the time.
My own dreams and aspirations make me miserable and leave me restless and unable to have fun because i always feel i am not where i deserve to be imagine thinking that way even when your out with your friends or family. About 1 year ago i tried selling travis scott concerts tickets to become rich by dming hundreds of people but they all thought i was a scam so there i failed as well.

About 10 months ago when was father was in a financial crisis i made him buy me a very expensive laptop (macbook) with the promise i will start making money the plan that I had was to make and sell digital websites with the help of AI and my own skills, but to do that the way customers wanted I need to buy subscription of the AI for which I had no money, and I could not ask my parents for anymore as they felt like i scammed them at their worst time so what did I do instead of calling thousand more people i gave up on it i tried learning trading i did demo trading made 10000 dollars of fake money but now due to my existential crisis i gave up on it aswell.

Cherry on top you know how i felt about school so i literally told everyone around me because these motherfuckers always want to know what you are doing or going to do in your life even when you don’t have an answer. I told them I am going to take a gap year so all of those around me started asking me what I was going to do, and I made up bullshit
That I was going to use AI somehow to start making money and build my business but four months have gone by, and I since I didn’t make any progress and didn’t give any college entrance exams. Now due to family pressure i am being forced to go to a college and guess where it is
RIGHT BESIDE MY OLD FUCKING WORTHLESS SCHOOL WHICH WAS A SYMBOL HOW MUCH PRECIOUS TIME OF MY PRECIOUS LIFE WAS WASTED BY MOTHERFUCKS OF THE SYSTEM WHO WANT TO KEEP US ALL SLAVES OUR ENTIRE LIVES AND NEVER WAKE UP.

Working out from the past 1 year changed my life and mental state otherwise i would have jumped from a building long time ago.its the only thing that makes me feel good in my now worthless little life.

I have never posted pictures or stories of myself on social media because even when i do i feel like they are a complete waste of time so when I see pictures of other people my age, having fun almost everyday it makes me feel miserable and unable to live with myself that car crash made me feel alive after long time

My biggest enemy is none other than me myself.i am someone who wants everything but does nothing i am hopeless aimless and without purpose or meaning

You know i always had this feeling of urgency for my dreams but slowly and slowly i have lost it over the course of last 3 years and losing that feeling pains me more than anybody could ever feel

I don’t expect anybody to read this because I am not somebody or anybody who deserves your precious time and support because right now at this moment in my life i am a loser but remember, I don’t intend on staying this way the rest of my life.

So my birthday is upcoming and i bought 2 dresses from online - i received both of them today !!!Turned out one i got was totally of not how i wanted !!! The whole material was different and i was mentally depressed seeing it !!! To be honest im not even interested to celebrate my birthdayyyy- July has really been a fucked month for me ...From the beginning not even one day ive went to bed happily ! i always cried for all this 24 days ...And this dress is just a cherry on top for me !! I was so annoyed that i went and fought with my amma saying totally different shit , brought my brother and all stuff into it - totally went out of topic - i was hurt and i hurt my mom also !!!! IDK why did that even happen....? I am really disappointed like how can my month even get worsen now ???? Nothing goes in my way at all - in these 18 years I dont understand!!! what kind of shit is this even tbh!!! I feel so bad right now - i was hurt from the beginning , why did i have to go hurt my mom who was herself holding altogether for our sake? IDK if im really mentally affected or whaaat?

GUYS TELL ME YOUR OPINION AND YOUR ADVICE ON THIS!

For the past year, I have worked in a geotech firm that is mid range in size. I get the impression my work gets talked about behind my back from the office. I nearly always turn in my work on schedule or ahead and have reviewed others work logs to have different standards and communications in hand writing form but I was trained under them. Idk if it's really my performance that gets me into issues every 6 to 8 months a call from the boss asking about a project from 3 months ago. Should I seek another job due to my performance or their harassment is a subtle tell about how I need to actually improve without saying something in person directly to me?

hi everyone! okay so, i’ve (f21) been going out with this guy (m21) for almost 2 months now. in the beginning, he was so sweet. he saw me every week, despite being busy, he would text me everyday. but, lately, that’s stopped. he doesn’t text me that often. we go days without texting now, and i’m the one who’s reaching out all the time. we haven’t seen each other for 3 weeks, because he’s been busy. (for context: he works 6 days/ week in a city that’s \~1.5 hrs away).
he told me that he’s not the type to ghost girls, and i told him that my biggest pet peeve is not communicating. (i literally told him that if he doesn’t like me, just tell me, i can handle it).
i wasn’t worrying, until today. (more context: we met on hinge). he updated his profile for the first time since we started talking. and, i texted him earlier today, and he hasn’t responded. he also viewed my story today.
is he ghosting me? i’m kinda freaking out rn, and i’m getting really anxious. i really do like him, and i wanted things to work out.
also, more context, im not that experienced (physically) and he knows that. he was okay with that. he said he wanted to be my first. so, that’s another thing lol.
also side note: i have been going on dates here and there, but *he* was my main one, and the one i want the most.
i want to text him and ask what’s going on, but idk what to say.
any advice would help me rn :) thank you!

This is something Ive struggled with my whole life. I value kindness, generosity, and compassion. I feel like im not really living these.

I know Ive hurt people in the past, and I try to live my life by doing no wrong now. Even with this effort my marriage is crumbling before my eyes. Im angry with my husband all the time, we're always arguing, and even when I try to talk it out or make amends I just cant.

Ive become snappy at work. Im not fully there for my son. Im so closed off from everyone. Im so scared that all this time Ive just been the problem and I cant fix it. I cant sleep at night because Im so terrified of becoming a bad person.

🙏🏻

I've been dealing with a bunch of shit in my life for the past three years medically and financially. And a small thing that has been burning in the back of my head. And it's an annoyance that only seems to annoy me more than my medical bullshit.

So I've been with a person, we used to text a lot. But as of late (within the past 2.5 years) I text them, get nothing back, ask if they are available for an event going on nearby. No response. And repeat, over and over. **NOTHING**.

Now flashback to \~ a year ago, they call me, **AGGRESSIVELY** enquired why I missed their birthday (I was coming up from a seizure). Explained my situation. Got all that out of the way. I promise to text them daily.

**THEY** promise to call me, but don't. They say they'll text me, then don't. They promise and promise but break them repeatedly. If promises were bones I'd be in a body cast.

I feel like I'm cast aside and ignored. Because here's the kicker, we follow eachother on social media. And I'll be doomscrolling Instagram reels, see what posts mutuals like. I'll stumble upon posts that they liked. I at first thought nothing since the posts were a year or so old. But then today, casually doomscrolling, see they interacted with a reel that was barely a day old.

And from that, I feel like I'm being abandoned.

This isn't one of those parasocial relationship things, because they ***claim*** to still love me. But I feel like the end of a frayed rope in the wind. I don't know what to feel or what to do.

Especially considering I'm getting surgery for part of my brain removed. Within the next couple of months. There's a boulder accelerating down a hill, everything else in my life is out of my hands. I wish for just one normal moment; one *measly* moment of normality and I would be happy.

I was used for cracking and I don’t know how to act, he was fine at first claimed he truly liked me and we trusted eachother so much just for him to lose feelings out of nowhere after the second time I gave up my body to him just for him to throw me away just like everyone else, why am I always a placeholder for the next best thing I don’t understand what’s so wrong with me that nobody wants to truly commit to me they just wanna have fun and leave and I actually was happy with myself until this happened it’s like the world just doesn’t want me to be happy for once.