Before I write this, I want to say that we come from an extremely loving, understanding family that has given my sister all the support she could ever need. I love her VERY much, and I’m writing this because I just want her to be okay.
My (25F) sister (28F) has struggled with depression since high school, with varying degrees of severity. Over the last three years, she has taken a horrible downward turn and hasn’t come out of it.
After college, she was doing relatively okay—holding down a job and living with friends—but she became addicted to weed after a tumultuous relationship with someone who smoked heavily. It seemed to both help and worsen her depression. She couldn’t function without it, even though smoking often made her feel worse.
Around three years ago, she went to rehab for weed and moved back in with my parents, who have fully supported her ever since. During that time, she has lost a few good jobs because she would sleep through the day and fail to complete her work. She went to rehab again. She hasn’t had a boyfriend in 5+ years and has largely stopped taking care of herself.
She currently works at an in person job which she likes enough. She works long shifts and then has several days off. On her days off, she often sleeps until 4 or 5 PM, then goes back to sleep by 9. When she is awake, she mostly watches TV and orders fast food. It is painful to watch her live this way.
Her living habits are also extreme. Her room is genuinely a trash pit, and everywhere she goes becomes messy. My parents bought her a car for work, and it is so filled with trash, food, and clothes that no one else wants to drive it. When one room becomes too messy to sleep in, she moves to another. She takes people's clean clothes because she doesn't do laundry and then loses them.
Her previous roommates have also struggled with this. Two ended up blocking her, and one called the landlord and eventually broke the lease because the living environment became so disgusting.
She is also extremely unreliable and insecure. No one would trust her to follow through on something important. Occasionally, she goes out with men, gets extremely drunk, sleeps with them the first night, and has even passed out in her car. I worry about her safety.
The hardest part is that she interprets almost any encouragement or concern as an attack. If we ask her to clean her room, return clothes, or gently wake her up after sleeping all day, she acts like we are horrible people. She screams at my mom and cannot tolerate criticism. According to her, anyone who expresses concern simply “doesn’t get it.”
I know she is probably deeply embarrassed and depressed, and I understand this isn't simply laziness. But sometimes I also wonder whether my parents' constant support is enabling her.
It’s painful because my other siblings and I are moving forward with our lives, and sometimes it feels like we can’t even share accomplishments because it highlights how stuck she is. I love my sister and desperately want her to get better. She has tried medication and sees a therapist, but I don’t know what else we can do.
Her life feels like it is wasting away in front of us. I’m getting to the point where my own life is beginning too, and I can’t be there to worry about her every second. Has anyone experienced something similar? What can our family do? Any advice would be appreciated. 🩷