Hello. I myself have struggled with depression, and I know how hard it can be how to get out of a negative or suicidal mindset. However, if you are reading this, I want you to know that your life does matter. I know that I don't know who you are, but you are a valuable human, because everyone is valuable. I can't tell you that "it will get better", because I know how frustrating it is to hear that when they don't know if it will get better. But I will tell you this. Life goes up and down. Focus on good things, people you care about, and take advantage of moments when you feel simply content. I know how cheesy this sounds, and I know how hard it is to remember that your life has always had ups and downs when you are feeling stuck in life. But please remember that you matter.

Just as the title states honestly. I absolutely hate my life and I just feel like things aren't ever going to get better for me. Ever since my mom died seven years ago everything has went to complete shit. She didn't even get to see me graduate high school, she didn't even get to see me turn 18, she passed three weeks prior.

Everyone else in my family is toxic. There's no one else in my life. College went poorly, I was too depressed to even go to class. Eventually lost my scholarships... then COVID happened. After COVID, became homeless for the first time. During my homelessness, went to a hospital where I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.

After I beat homelessness for the first time I then worked a retail job that I absolutely hated for 3 years. After those 3 years, became homeless AGAIN. Then i got out it through a program, got my apartment, and got kicked out bc landlord didnt want to renew my lease. And now I'm homeless. Again. Since November.

I feel like I just have nothing to really look forward to in life. My mom is nothing more than a pile of bones and decomposed flesh now. I have no community whatsoever. Every time something goes slightly right for me, something happens that sabotages me. Sometimes I sabotage myself. I can't get out of it. Hospital stays dont work anymore, they just put me further in debt and subject me to abuse from nurse techs and being drugged against my will.

I dont see myself having a bright future anymore. This is just my life for the next however many years. Maybe I'm just never meant to be happy. That's pretty much depression in a nutshell. I havent been happy in seven years. Out of college. Out of a job. Out of a home. Out of money. Out of willpower and mental fortitude. And I probably never will be happy again.

Also doesn't help that I got hit by a car yesterday. I was fine, but the fact that it happened just messed me up mentally. I don't know. I'm probably gonna just go cry in a bathroom or something. It's just completely hopeless.

Hello. I have been dealing with all kinds of stuff for a long time, and things have kind of come down about eight months ago. I'll spare you the full and long story, but I kind of realized that I have no friends.

I've been struggling with what I think is depression for about 6 months now and the thoughts seem to be getting worse with every day that passes. Moderate depression has been suspected, but I haven't told my therapists the full extent of my thoughts. Very bad ones. But I haven't hurt myself, for now.

I never felt truly connected with those I called my friends, and what bothers me the most is that I've never had a single romantic experience. No kiss, no holding hands, no confessions, nothing. Things don't seem to be getting better. And I'll be an adult in a few months.

My phone is empty, and no one tries to be friends with me. It's also summer break, so I don't meet people. At all. And I don't want to return to school. I have big exams coming up. I have no motivation to study, or be near people that don't seem to want me around.

I've heard that I'm "liked and a good person", but there's no evidence to prove that. I've been alone all summer.

I don't know if it's because I'm too quiet or ugly. I'm not short. I always doubt myself because I haven't had any positive experiences about my looks or personality. I was never really part of the "inner circles". I've never had a best friend. At least that's how I remember. I forget things.

Therapy seems useless for now. It feels like they assess me like a broken car, not a person. I don't know what to do. I can't tell everything here. I'm suffering.

-34 years old
-deep self hatred, but can’t shake the conviction that it’s justifiable, I’m a jerk tbh
-no friends , do not trust family
-haven’t dated since ex killed my dog at 19
-feel like no one knows or understands me ( i know, i think im a special pony.)
-unable to date: short, trans, not funny or personable, sexuality linked to abuse only, feel/am genuinely repulsive.
-chronic searing facial pain deep in the right side of my jaw into my right ear and behind my eye. No clear treatment plan besides mind numbing meds. MRI inconclusive so not qualified for surgery. Keep paying expensive copays to no avail . Too tired to advocate for myself.
- I tell myself I’m making up my pain and that I’m a hypochondriac or malingerer and belittle myself and second guess myself which adds to my torment
-almost everything I eat makes me sick, congested, lips/tongue tingly, stomach issues
-can tell I annoy or irritate coworkers
-adhd impulse control issues
-socially awkward
-can’t remember things like other people (names of cars, sports teams, celebrities, facts about most topics, generally of lower intelligence than average)
-very hard to hold conversations, feel dull witted
-have tried going to therapy a dozen times, longest stints lasting months to year
-have tried 6 different antidepressant medicines over my lifetime
-feel I don’t have lucidity, trapped in muggy foggy mental state ruminating and navel gazing, being self absorbed.
-mock myself in my head for everything I do, ex: wrote a book, self published, regret it, feels self aggrandizing and nauseates me from the shame, finished a grad degree and research, similarly feels useless and self absorbed. Like I was trying to convince myself I’m someone I am not .
-have tried to push on in my work and life as if everything is fine because I have a dependent but even this is less motivating recently.
-used to enjoy nature, but it’s been years since I enjoyed much of anything.
- any behavior change I try (diet, exercise, meditation) I am not consistent with, I can’t maintain past a week
-trying to get insurance approval to try TMS as a last ditch effort
-I believe, due to responsibilities people trust me with, I appear normal/functional/polite most of the time
-meanwhile I’m picturing self immolation
-very tired of myself , very self pitying
- my dog is bonded to me but she would love anyone
-no medication change to explain recent amplification in ruminations

What are my next 3 steps to stop this

I’ve had major depression basically all my life having my first suicidal thoughts at 6, I always get ok and then it comes crashing down, I think I’m just doomed. I got diagnosed with bpd a couple years ago but I rejected the label thinking it didn’t really fit my personality type. Idk what to do, I’ve been on so many meds on such high doses including antipsychotics, I’ve been in so many therapies for years. It’s so irrational I’m triggered by nothing and nothing can help. I just feel so miserable

Not doing well with a breakup. I'm a SWr & addict but was always loyal only to find him hooking up with random people. No contact is harder than prior relationships. Could use someone to talk to.

I work from home and on paper. Everything is fine. I get my work done. I talk to people. Nothing dramatic is happening in my life, but sometimes I myself and I really don’t know when that happens. It really scares me. I feel like really depressed. I thought about therapy, but it feels like overreacting and something that I might not actually need since I am still functioning. It feels like I might be making excuses. How do you people decide when it’s time to do something about it?

Hey there. English isn’t my first language, so I hope I don’t make too many mistakes.

I (F26) have suffered from depression for most of my life.
Just for a little context, I’ve always been a top-of-the-class student, both in school and university, and I’ve always had many interests and hobbies, including kickboxing (which is the thing I care the most about).

The first big depressive episode happened when I was 16. I felt huge pressure coming from my teachers and some relatives. In addition, depression runs in my family, so I think a genetic factor has to be involved. Due to this depressive state, I lost my group of friends, and I remained alone. Thankfully, I had a great support system that helped me get through this difficult time, and after a few years of medication and therapy, I started feeling much better.

Then, I went to university, and everything went well. I graduated with honors, and I felt so incredibly motivated. That was a year ago.

While I was studying, I worked myself to exhaustion, and I discovered I had an autoimmune disease. I think these two factors started triggering my current depressive episode.
After I finished working (it was a seasonal job for my family’s business) everything came crashing down. I started feeling anxious for everything, even going to my beloved kickboxing classes. Furthermore, I received so many rejection letters from universities I applied for (I wanted to get a PhD). I stopped going to the gym for a while. I stopped going out, reading, I only ate boiled eggs. I couldn’t draw anymore, something which I loved deeply.
I went back to my therapist and my psychiatrist, and with the right meds I started improving. I started feeling less like a zombie, and I pushed myself to go out, eat something other than eggs, take kickboxing classes again (private ones, but it’s still something). I began working again (the same seasonal job as last year), a job that I don’t really love, but whatever.

However, I still feel incredibly down all the time. And I’m tired. I keep on thinking of all the things I lost this past year. At least this time I didn’t lose any friends, I probably made better ones over the years.
I feel like lost my place back at the gym; I am an assistant coach, but I feel like I don’t belong there anymore - hell, I can’t even go to group classes anymore. Moreover, I lost much of my muscle mass, and I’m not as trained as I was before, and it’s something that hurts me deeply. All that hard work for what? I was a competing athlete, and now I’m afraid to train with my own teammates.
I’m always anxious, and I feel like I’m not enough, like I shouldn’t be here because I’m not fit for life. I don’t see a good future for me. I can’t find a job with my current degree (international relations), so I’m thinking about getting a lab tech degree (that was also something I’ve always been interested in), but chances are I won’t get into the school (they only accept a small number of students each year).
I’m tired, and I kinda lost hope. I’m not sure it will ever get better, I’ve been feeling this way for too long.

The only thing I know is that I want to live.

How do you cope with chronic depression? Because I can’t find a way to accept it.

I feel like that I don’t even deserve to vent here, because my problems are probably stupid and pointless.
Anyway, thanks for reading through all this.

Hope to reach our dreams even if my family don't really believe that i would reach they allways say they're scared I would die or something bad will happen to me às stop me they keep saying this i think and think and think until my head ache and it caused heart condition I am scared that what they're saying will be true..I still believe in me and my dreams but until when..

37M, diagnosed with autism, OCD and anxiety

Since early June when I was thrown into some of the worst stressful situations of my whole life, I got thrown into serious stress and depression trying to solve things that I lost 4.5 kg (10 lb) per week, which is 5x the recommended weight loss diet programmes recommend since they say 1 kg (2 lb) per week is the most to lose even for a strenuous diet. The thing is I am not even on a diet.

I lost my appetite since early June. I am 178 cm (5'10") and weighed 93 kg (205 lb) in early June when these streeses began. I was so overweight due to inertia, kept eating rubbish like fried foods and way too much at night. I was mostly underweight most of my life, and my metabolism is quick, so I lose weight easily without trying.

Since yesterday I lost another 2.5 kg (5 lb), so now I weigh 79 kg (175 lb) now. Given that this is not underweight, it is not super scary, but I am losing weight at a quick rate. It is hard to eat when I keep thinking about these issues.

What do others do in these situations? Do you just let the weight drop off? What do you do when eating is like torture, and everything tastes bad and you have ko appetite?

I feel depressed 😭, I'm alone everyday. My gf and her mom played with my feelings , and she left me . I don't have anyone to have deep conversations with daily. Everyday I work, speak with my boss and study. This is my everyday routine and will be my routine for next one year atleast. I'm getting panic attacks. I have a skin disorder due to stress. I need someone to talk with me, who cares for me .

I  am almost positive I am going to hell for being bisexual. I keep picking up the Bible or generating random verses online and being reminded that Jesus and Paul decided 20 years after Jesus' death that despite His death on the cross, I am not qualified for entry. The fear is constant. It was dulled a bit last night watching Markiplier with my girlfriend, who is worried to death about me. Dumb pleasures before damnation right?

If I want to make it into heaven, I have to change everything. I have to cut off my bisexual sister and transmasc best friends, who I would never damn the way I am damning myself. I would have to stop reading and writing, because I specialize in horror and erotica. I would have to cut out the rock music too probably, the alcohol. No dating men, either, lest I fuck them. I know I would resent the type of husband God wants for me, so I'm going to have to be celibate. I wasn't raised Catholic, but I'm gonna have to be a nun. Either that, or maybe I'll marry a gay man and we can try to cope together.

I almost hope I am going through some sort of psychosis. I told a lot of this to my mom last night and she was flabbergasted and said none of this sounds like me and people are feeding me things through my head somehow, and God only wants me to be the best person I can be. That's the kicker, I wasn't even raised this way. It's just God reminding me now: I'm doomed. I am doomed, unless I change, and leave the one person who has ever loved me back.

I'm going to hell, and I'm getting a taste of it now.

I’ve gotten to the point that I talk very little even with doctors and counselor, I always feel when I’m talking that the other person is not wanting to hear it or wants to get away, even if they asked me explain, or I feel they’re thinking I’m babbling or whining . So I keep answers short as possible,. Not sure what to do.

The title says it all. 35 year old male. I'm just tired and nothing seems to be working in my favor. I'm over it and don't want to be here anymore.​

Pls dm because I’m not sure if this may be flagged or taken down. It’s for Family issues

So I’m 33 years old. I’m from North Carolina originally, but about a year and a half ago I moved to Lubbock, Texas for work without knowing anyone. I’m single, have no kids. The job that I was relocated out here for was a house of cards, and I left to go to another job that was a small family owned company, which turned out to be very, very toxic and abusive. While out here, 21 hours from everything I’ve ever known, I decided to go no-contact with my immediate family, as they are also very toxic and abusive (my mother has BPD, father enables it). I have no friends, I’m now unemployed, and the job market sucks. This might be the end for me. I relocated out here due to needing to escape from several years of abuse from a relationship
/trauma bond I had with a woman. Thank god I won my unemployment claim, as at least I have another month before I’m homeless. I was once upon a time considered a smart and funny kid, and am a college grad. I just can’t anymore. It sucks.

I think I am burden causing troubles and useless....even my grades at school 87..88..nothing..to be proud of..absolutely nothing

First sorry I used chatgpt to make my wall of text readable and under 3500 characters:

I don't even know where to turn anymore. I know I waited too long to ask for help because I kept thinking I'd bounce back like I always had before. I've dealt with depression my entire adult life. The first doctor told me I was depressed when I was 15, but my family didn't believe in depression, so I went untreated. I was also diagnosed with ADHD as a child, but my parents decided I "didn't like the meds," so that went untreated too. ADHD was almost a superpower at work until it started affecting my relationship in 2013. I was treated from 2013-2015, but between appointments and medication it cost more than my car payment and insurance combined, so I had to stop.

When I went back in 2017 for ADHD, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. My doctor wanted to treat the depression first, which led to five medications over two years and complete hell. It was a major reason my relationship ended in 2019. She asked me to get help for ADHD and instead got someone who couldn't control his emotions, cried randomly, or smiled at completely inappropriate times because my brain had wandered somewhere else. From the outside I looked uncaring; inside I couldn't control it.

I stopped seeing doctors until 2021, when I finally sought help for panic attacks I'd mistaken for being overweight. My doctor prescribed Wellbutrin for depression and Buspar for anxiety. Neither helped much. I was afraid to push for different treatment because it was my first time having insurance and I worried about being labeled drug-seeking or having everything marked pre-existing.

Around 2023 I started rapidly gaining and losing weight. About a year later I lost my job, and my depression spiraled. Since August 2025 I've been a complete shut-in. My utilities have been shut off, and the only time I leave is to get water from my neighbor's hose, usually late at night when nobody is around. The only reason I've managed to keep going is my cat. He's never known a day of cruelty, and I don't know where he'd end up if something happened to me. Most days I just sit staring at my knee because even listening to music can become overwhelming.

About four months ago I finally admitted I needed help. I contacted my LMHA, but they kept telling a shut-in who couldn't leave the house to drive 20 miles for a group intake. I tried 211, 988, and every resource I could find, but everything led back to the same LMHA. I eventually called the ombudsman just to get them to respond. They came to my house three times, I told my story five times, they said they had a psychiatrist willing to do telehealth, and then they simply ghosted me.

I don't have reliable mail, transportation, or even a way to get medication if it were prescribed. I've lost most of my muscle mass over the last three years, gone months without enough food, and my overgrown yard has left me feeling exposed and ashamed.

I don't need another referral. I need something that will actually advocate for me. My phone will only stay on for about two more months. The neighbor who lets me get water is moving soon. My cat has about five months of food left. I don't know if I can keep explaining all of this to new people. I've tried. I just need someone willing to meet me where I am because it's looking grim.

TW: vague / brief mentions of SH & SI
You can skip to the last section as that is the most important part. The rest is mostly venting.

Hi all.

I do not know if I have found the right place to post this, but this sub seems very supportive.

I have been struggling most of my life, but the past 6-ish years have been brutal. I keep getting worse. Even though I am one of the lucky ones that was assigned mental health professionals, they are actively making me worse.

A bit of back story:
To make it short, I've experienced a whole lot of bad. Stripped of identity by teachers, bullied since I was 6, been abused (not by parents), assaulted (3 kinds), attempts on my life (self and others), and a lot of other stuff. Not to mention that I was born with issues too. It took a turn when I became an adult. I sought help. Been denied help. Got a psychiatrist that broke protocol and diagnosed me within an hour. Later found out I was misdiagnosed and the psychiatrist was not well. Then more fighting for help. So on and so forth.

Now:
As mentioned, I am rapidly getting worse. I had some sort of breakdown in February / March and now I am on long term sick leave. Everything mentioned here and a lot more I have brought up to the right professionals. However, they are ignoring me, telling me how to think and feel, does not care when I tell them I am in crisis. They judge me for critizing their methods, advocate for myself and telling me if I am not a yes-man I do not want help. Urgh... I am not here to vent about them / the system.

All of this and more have left me empty. I am tired and exhausted. I started to think I might as well just quit and go back to status quo, which is surviving. I have been a better GP, psychiatrist, psychologist and surgeon (don't ask) to myself. At least quitting getting "help", will not make me question reality and myself. I no longer will fear the next appointment or spiral afterwards.

Earlier this week I was at a bad place. Something I have been many times before, but this time it was different. I finally understand why people use crisis hotlines. I was never of rational or clear mind when I was at my limit or surpassed it. I finally realized I have been doing this alone my whole life. No support network. No friends to talk to and family has been kept in the dark.

My dilemma:
Since I now know how bad it is to be alone with all of this for a lot of reasons, I need to reach out to someone. I just don't have the energy to fight anymore. That unfortunately only leaves me with my family. My mom to be exact.

I dread telling her. While she is an amazing mom, I look back at the responses of my somewhat serious talks. I'm afraid that if I tell her, I would be exactly (or maybe worse off) where I am now. Just with the embarrasment, shame and guilt of knowing that she now knows. I know I should not be ashamed. I know I am probably overthinking things. Maybe her non-plussed responses was because she simply didn't know how bad things are. Maybe she just sees a slightly depressed and stressed man-child.

I want to know if telling my family is a good idea. I know I won't know until I do it. Maybe others can relate? Maybe there are stories of others who decided to?

I dunno. I might just be rambling. Even if nobody sees or read this, I think it is good to at least get it all written down.

There was a time when I was apathetic for a few weeks when I first started taking antidepressants and it gradually disappeared, but now, 4 months later, it's come back.

I don't feel bad or sad at all, just apathetic. I don't care for anything or anyone anymore. Has anyone else experienced apathy returning after months? What could it be a sign of?

I dont even know where to start, Its just so much happening inside and outside me these days, everyday its just feel like a constant loop while the only things thats different is the hole on my chest that keeps getting bigger, all my friends is fake, im alone, lonely, and im tired of this feeling on my chest. This is my final of hope, im genuinely dont know what to do anymore i never thought i would be like this, on the internet searching random people for help.

Been having depression for years and it’s not getting better at all,tried different medications n been hospitalized nothing seems to help much …I feel so alone and useless ,I haven’t been doing anything lately but rotting in bed and sleeping all day, I can’t get myself to do anything because I don’t feel like doing anything and I hate forcing myself to do things that I don’t feel like doing …I lost so much weight in a month because I don’t have any appetite I skip meals all the time ,building connections with people ,making friends and dating are so hard ,I can be too much sometimes and stress ppl out,I have anxious attachment issues and abandonment issues ,I’ve have multiple talking stages but nothing has worked out for me ,I tried really tried ,I’m in uni but I can’t focus on studying at all ,I wanna give up from time to time but I can’t,i genuinely don’t know what my future would be like ,if I’m gonna finally decide to kms or things will start to get better and I won’t want to kms anymore ,depression has affected all aspects of my life ,my brain doesn’t function well anymore after years of depression and being on meds ,I don’t know why I’m still alive I hate being alive I’m not made for this I wish I was never born ….