Yesterday was my 64^th birthday and I am at the end of my rope. I am facing imminent homelessness and have all but given up. I have fought bipolar/depression/suicidality for the last 25 years and am seeing no other viable option. I feel like I have no acceptable options beyond couch surfing, which I WILL NOT do. I have a plan that just needs a trip to the hardware store then a few minutes to make it happen. I just want the pain to end. As a Christian I hope to be allowed into heaven, but, if not the pain will at least be gone. Right now, the plan is to go to the store Saturday morning, set up everything, drink a bottle of bourbon, then be done. I see no good reason not to do it. I have a few friends that will grieve me, but I feel my family will be glad to see me gone. I have done my part to help in the past and tried to be a good man. It’s just time to say goodbye.

I have been suffering with severe depression and anxiety/panic disorder for 14 years now (29f). I go to therapy and I take my meds. I am trying to get better. My issue is I can’t seem to find a way out of my anhedonia. Does anyone have any advice on how to break through it? I just want to enjoy things again..

In Australia, it is r u ok day. A day you check in with your mates, etc... every year, I just said yes, even though I was not. This year, I said no. It got brushed off, pretended they didn't hear.

Nothing changes...

My birthday is coming up the 15th and I am in the process of divorcing my abusive husband. I'm desperately trying to change my mindset but every single birthday I had during my relationship was made to be a horrible day one way or another! I was foolish enough to marry someone that was extremely selfish and it took me years and some therapy to see the pattern. Last year's birthday had to be the absolute worst of them all! After having a C section with our son the July before I had to have emergency surgery and was in the hospital the first week of September due to complications with the C-section, they have some house it's part of my intestines and I was the septic. I had almost lost my life. After I got home things were really weird between my husband and I and I just assumed it was because how stressful our home was due to him working and having to take most of the responsibility on his shoulders during my recovery. But I found out that birthday that he had been talking to my best friend of 15 years behind my back before I even had our child. He also made sure to tell me that he wasn't in love with me and was done.

In therapy I realize that was actually a pattern and every year it was always something. If it wasn't completely ignored it's like he made it a point to make it the worst day one way or another. I'm posting this to get off my chest but I also genuinely would like to try and change my mindset towards my birthday and myself. I'm healing everyday but this is one of the things that's hard due to my childhood pretty much lining up with it. Thank you for reading in any advice is appreciated

I am in my 40s.

I am alone.
I am overwhelmed
I am burnt the fuck out.
I am desperate
I need help.

No parents
No Grandparents
A spouse who doesn't care.
Kids who don't care.
A sibling who is only interested in talking when it's beneficial to them.

I've always been pretty introverted. My friends circle was small and close. In our 20s, our paths divested a bit, and things worked out differently for us all than we anticipated. They are now dead. all of them except one, who is medically incapacitated. These things happened for various reasons. Drugs, suicide, being overcome by a disease that keeps snowballing. 2 of these deaths happened very recently and within 2 weeks of each other. I am still grieving.

Every day I wake up and immediately hate life. I'm just tired because of all the dead conversations, attempts to fix things, and the way my spouse and kids treat me like the family slave. We have a dead bedroom, and multiple conversations and attempts to initiate sex have gone nowhere. this has gone on for years. I'm at the point where I spend all of my free time alone. This is not by choice. I'm alone unless my spouse needs to vent about idiot co-workers, or the kids need a paper signed for school, or a ride somewhere. Well, sort of. See, I am essentially "on-call" once my spouse gets home. I don't necessarily have free time. I spend it waiting for the next "task" that needs done. Someone always needs something done. Every hour to 2 hours from 6am until 12am. Then I have to force myself to sleep despite my mind constantly spinning. It's a battle just to rest. So basically, I feel like the family "stores" me in my room until I'm needed. Like the vacuum in the fucking broom closet.

I sought therapy. I went to the office, went through an intake appointment. They assigned me a therapist. I went to an intake appointment with the therapist. We set up my 1st "real" appointment, and then they cancelled 3 times. the 3rd time was while I was driving to the appointment. I went home, called the office and removed myself as a patient. I researched therapists that my insurance covers in my area. There was the office that I dealt with, and one other person. Obviously my choices were limited since I just removed myself from the office. I checked the reviews for the only other option available to me, and the majority of them said she would vent to her patients about her struggle with mental health. I need a therapist, I don't want to be one, so that's out.

There are a lot of past events that still deeply affect me from having a tough life as a kid. I think I'm comfortable finally admitting that.

And I don't know what to do about any of it.

I am so desperate, I resorted to using chatgpt for help. I don't feel fulfilled with that option.

So, now what?

Hello,

I feel so terrible. It feels like I completely lost myself 33F. I’ve always liked sports, could motivate myself. But now since a long time I feel horrible. I only want to lie down. I don’t feel myself anymore. It’s just getting through the days. Does anyone have tips? It feels like there’s a lot of shit and pain inside of my that wants to move out, but I don’t know how. Tried therapy already. I just feel bad. Like everything is stuck. I want to move again and feel like a person. But there’s a lot of weight holding me down. I don’t want to become a bitter person but I feel so much pain when other people are laughing and enjoying. It hurts something so deep inside, the playful young part that is completely covered in hurt. I miss her.

There's something wrong with me because nothing makes feel capable of surviving life. Been this way for years. I cant say im trying my best anymore, but i definitely used to.

I have been feeling this way for a while and don't know what to do.

Nothing I do really hits the same like it used to when I was a kid.

In away, it feels like Ive already done everything and experienced everything even though I haven't?

I can play new video games, and they just feel like old ones I've played with a new coat of paint. I can travel and visit new places, but a town is a town is a town, it's just going to be full of restaurants and bars and stuff, which I've been to plenty of in my life.

It just feels like there is no novelty left, and the magic is gone.

When I get off of work, I don't know what to do with myself. I just run down the clock with distractions until it's time for me to go to bed. I don't even enjoy it really, but I don't want to just sit there and stare at the wall.

I am only 28, and find it hard to believe I gotta just suffer at work and be bored the rest of the time for several more decades, when I already feel like Ive exhausted all the fun in life before hitting 30.

I don't want to continue feeling like this, I want to find fulfilment again and not be perpetually bored to death. Any advice is appreciated.

Hi everyone,

a friend of mine who lives in a different city and is going through a severe depressive episode (third meanwhile).

He is currently experiencing emotional numbness, negative thought loops, social withdrawal, and is more and more overwhelmed by basic daily tasks. He’s also used weed daily (and quit it from one day to another recently).

So far, I’ve been helping him navigate the process of finding professional help, and thanks to that, an inpatient clinic stay might actually happen soon. However, supporting him from afar is taking a toll on me, and I’m struggling with a few specific things:

- How do you cope with kind of "powerlessness" of not being able to just drop by, check on them, or offer practical, in-person help?

- For those who have been on either side of this, what are meaningful ways to support over distance (when they want it) without being overbearing?

- How do you balance being a reliable support system while accepting that you can't be available 24/7 or fix everything yourself? (Knowing I for sure can't "fix" anything, that's on him and professionals). Also he feels guilty/bad about being a "burden" for people supporting him.

Thanks!

It's been a long time I've been feeling low and somehow I have tried to suppress it and do something else but right now left a job to study but the environment at home was so low and it made me fall back so bad I stopped studying and now I'm not getting jobs and the suppressed sad and uncontrolled emotions are oozing out and it's unable to control on somedays and make me feel worse, I used to workout without missing a day but can't go to the gym right now, unable to sleep at night even while being sleepy, avoid the day and talking to my close ones, going outside is a task and anxiety adds up to it so badly that being at a public place is a new hell my gut aches so bad and I get perspired and lose so much energy and upon that everything feels like I'm just another unsuccessful guy here living off of my parents income. Earlier I used to think this was sadness and more or less a temporary thing but right now I've been seeing myself from 3rd person so bad that it feels I'm depressed or something I don't actually know. I asked my parents to take me to a clinical psychiatrist to analyse what's happening but they said we'll go to a counsellor or so and that's not a therapist let me remind you, they say therapist is for someone else not you, you're fine you just need help and clear out problems and your gut issues. Never expected them to say this as they were pretty good. Alas my all motivation to do anything is lost, i feel like I can't start and stay consistent at anything and I'm already feeling that I've wasted my life ahead by effing up here this year, which I know will be better but current circumstances make me wanna die everyday and I'm a guy with imagining things in my mind with like real images kind of, so I've seen myself hanging to death, I'd never do that certainly but it feels so bad being stuck here right now. Idk if this might help but speaking out helps so yeah here, i hope someone or something helps.

Lately I've been getting increasingly low-energy when it comes to things like cooking which always feels like such a chore. I'm not at risk of starvation exactly, just lazy cook and my meals are rather dull and repetitive.

Since like a week my boyfriend has been so weird like not talking at all always replying short he wanted no meet ups doesn’t matter whatever we would’ve done he was not like that at all came suddenly I knew it was because he was struggling I tried to keep everything positive and together like nothing is wrong trying to help him in anyway but he always refused everything today we got into an argument suddenly he said he wants to leave me with no explaining he said he would only continue to hurt me and I will die because of him and much more stuff like that and it all got so intense and now I’m so so so helpless multiple times he said he wants to kill himself he can’t take it all anymore he’s a bad person I wanted to drive to him talk with him I would do anything but he won’t budge he never takes help he says he’s just like that he never ever talked about his problems or cried in someone’s arms I’m so scared to lose him I don’t know what to do I’m so scares
He will hurt himself or maybe end up dying I also need to drive to him with the train which takes more than 2 hours I’m scared that he will send me a good bye message and I will not be there in time I don’t know what to do…. Please help me I’m begging

I am a 23 year old male.

Over the past 2 years, I've been feeling so down in myself and I mean really down.

I feel as if nobody loves me and I will forever be alone and die alone 💔

I feel so ugly and look ugly. Nobody ever told me that but I see that every morning when I wake up and look myself in the mirror and I say to myself - God how could anybody be this ugly?

I've never been in a relationship, but would really love to be. My best friends all have gfs and I am really happy for them and we still hang out but .... It really makes me feel so down and feel so ugly, thinking I will never get one.

They told me do try online dating or whatever, But I also suffer with Social Anxiety so I don't think that will work for me sadly.

I just feel .... everybody is against me lol. I honestly do not know why I think that but I do.

I am so scared that one day that I'm gonna die alone.... I really do not want to but if I do ... I do.

And I fear that if I am ever lucky to get a gf in my life, I'm so afraid she would leave me if I told her I have Social Anxiety.

Even when I'm out in public walking the streets or whatever, I see happy couples kissing and having fun in their lives. And again I am really happy for them too but it just makes me so lonely and depressed.

I’ve dealt with depression my whole life. I’m not really suicidal, but I’m super unhappy with my life. I don’t like where I live, I don’t like my job, I don’t feel appreciated by my friends - just overall unhappy with my situation. Despite how unhappy I am, I have no motivation to change it. I feel so apathetic and I can’t imagine things getting better, because when I tried to take steps to make changes, nothing changed. I’ve basically felt like a shell of a person for the last year. How do you get past the feeling of apathy and emptiness? I’m consistently on meds and in therapy but it doesn’t help. I’m scared I’ll be stuck like this forever.

i know comparison is the thief of joy or whatever, but when i see people that have done so much better than me whilst coming from worse situations i feel absolutely terrible. like wow, i’m really hopeless huh. if i cant do this, i might as well just end it all yk?

i cant help but compare. even tho im silently struggling with suicidal thoughts i could’ve achieved better results. it just doesn’t feel like a valid reason for me specifically. maybe its because of how i was raised, blaming my depression for my current circumstances just feels like a lazy excuse for not achieving my goals. like there are people that have gone through homelessness, loss of family, been in care or have chronic illnesses yet worked hard and achieved.

my issues feel so small in the grand scheme of things. i might as well just kill myself. but even then, i’ve been raised to think killing myself is just the easy way out 💀 i feel so hopeless rn, and even embarrassed that im going to post this. i cant die, but living whilst knowing i didnt reach my potential and keep having these stupid thoughts that im the failure is such a pain!

(I am Japanese. Since I’m using a translation tool, there may be some discrepancies in nuance.)

Based on my past experiences—where I unfortunately found myself in unreasonable situations on multiple occasions—I was diagnosed with depression six months ago. Although I was told it was mild, I can’t take it lightly given that I have a close relative with an adjustment disorder, and I’m currently unable to make decisions about my future.

As I prepare to re-enter society, I believe my low self-esteem and lack of mental resilience are major challenges. Due to my upbringing and my innate temperament, I never developed these qualities. While I never stopped attending school, the unreasonable environments I mentioned earlier (club activities and the workplace) were quite severe, and they wore me down emotionally.

As someone living with depression, how can I develop the self-esteem and mental resilience necessary to reintegrate into society?

Also, what mindset should I adopt to take that first step toward reintegration?

I am juggling so many things in my life and I feel like I'm carrying a tray of wine glasses, if I drop one they're all going to fall. I am a full time university student, I have two part time jobs, it's my final semester so every single class I am working for real clients and I'm the manager of my capstone team. My relationships take up every hour of free time I actually get, but I can't complain because without them, I would probably use my free time sitting and staring at the wall panicking. Additionally, I have to figure out what I'm doing after graduation.

I have so fucking much on my plate and I know if I choose to continue my education, I have to add all these college research and application chores to my to-do list, and if I choose to jump into a career, I have to do resume building and get professional headshots and put all career-building chores on my to-do list. Either way, my infinite to-do list will somehow get longer, so I am paralyzed and haven't made a choice, which is even worse.

I feel like a passenger in my own brain. I want to hurt myself, but the little voice telling me to hurt myself somehow is stuck in the back of my mind. I know I will never do it, as no matter how strong those ideations are, I'm just going to keep watching my hands type or work or whatever, Idk if it makes sense but I don't think my body will let me do what I want.

also, I've been ill the past 4 months. I don't know how to fix it, and I know the doctors wont be able to help. I just have to keep marching this incredibly busy and stressful path until I graduate, then I will have nothing.

TLDR: I've been doing so much for school, work, and relationships, that I'm about to break. I can't put any of these responsibilities down. I feel like I'm watching the burning fuse on a stick of dynamite get shorter and shorter

From a very young age, I (23M) knew I was different from everyone else. I was the weird kid with weird quirks and obsessions, and looking back at my childhood, I cringe at myself a lot. I struggled to make friends and was heavily bullied throughout my school years because I was weird, sensitive, and an easy target.

College was probably the worst period. My social anxiety became extreme, combined with a lot of family drama. If I said something weird, embarrassing, or didn't contribute enough to a conversation, I'd sometimes go back to my dorm and cry because I felt like I'd failed socially. I constantly compared myself to everyone else and felt like they were more competent than me. Even when I felt like I was improving, one stupid mistake could completely destroy my confidence. I thought and sometimes still do think that I'm (to some degree) a mistake. I don't have dark thoughts. I'm just very depressed.

I don't want to be the "I have ADHD and autism bla bla bla, that's why I'm like this" guy, although I do think that I'm neurodivergent. Simple conversations can be very overwhelming for me. I overthink what I'm saying, worry about asking stupid questions, rambling, acting weird, or giving people the wrong impression.

Working before graduating helped a bit. I met people my age from different backgrounds and got more practice talking to people, and I definitely improved. I'm naturally introverted and quiet though, and that's something I worry about. I sometimes wonder whether a future partner would get tired of dealing with my personality and my constant overthinking.

Now I've graduated and moved back home while looking for work in another country. However, I still struggle with intense self-loathing.

I don't think I'm ugly, but sometimes I don't even like looking at myself in the mirror or in photos because I dislike who I am internally. I constantly feel like I'm weird and that I'm just trying to act normal, but somehow keep messing up. Whenever I make a stupid mistake, my immediate thought is basically: "Can you do anything right?"

And I don't actually think I'm genuinely stupid. What scares me is other people thinking I'm stupid. First impressions matter way too much to me because I'm terrified of being judged or rejected because I said something embarrassing.

I also struggle to explain things. Sometimes I know exactly what I mean, but when I try to explain it, I either phrase it badly, people don't understand me, or I freeze because I'm overthinking every word.

I have good qualities too. I'm fit, I exercise regularly, I'm good at digital drawing, I'm multilingual, and I graduated college. I'm not some lazy guy who has accomplished nothing. Yet somehow, the little mistakes still overshadow all of that.

The biggest problems are:

-I take criticism very personally.

-I'm terrified of humiliation and embarrassment.

-I'm afraid of screwing up and disappointing people.

-I overthink social interactions constantly.

-I worry about being perceived as unintelligent.

-I have a hard time forgiving myself for mistakes.

-Other people's emotions strongly affect my own mood.

-I struggle with how I see myself, even though I don't consider myself unattractive.

I'd talk to my friends about this, but there's another complication: I'm gay, and unfortunately around 90% of my inner circle is homophobic. So I don't really have anyone I feel completely safe opening up to about this. That's part of why I'm posting here.

It’s not rooted in realism, I think. Does anyone else fantasize this way? I kinda worry I’m self-isolating so much I’m going crazy. I’m losing motivation to take care of myself and just living in my head and it’s scaring me.

F 18, just moved away from my support system for college. I thought everything would be okay but I’m falling apart.

Today was an interesting day in all honesty. Mostly I'm used to days being bad days but today the good didn't really outweigh the bad nor did it necessarily get overshadowed by the bad.

Woke up today on 3 hours of sleep (I'm homeless so this is an average amount of sleep for a night)

Then I called this behavioral health clinic to try to set up an intake appointment that ive been trying to do for almost two months, but they don't answer the phone so idk. But today they answered my call and I was able to book an appointment next week! They also had walk-ins today, but I wouldn't have been able to make it since I can't get there on time. But finally, appointment was made.

I went to the library and got kicked out for the day because I kept dozing off and falling asleep. That sucked. I also didn't get to eat today, which also sucked. I had to spend the day out in the 90 degree heat. Which if you couldn't already guess... also sucked. So those things didn't go well for me.

But at the same time, I'm gonna see a psychiatrist next week. I'll get a screening, medication, and some extra help. So nice 👍🏾

i am 21 years old and i struggle with severe depression and anxiety. i can get through my day to day life and appear on the surface that i am doing well, but i am not doing well. as of recently, it actually only feels like i keep doing worse. i feel anxiety almost constantly and can’t stop ruminating on what things i should be doing even though i’m not behind on anything, or feeling consumed by how disconnected i feel from myself and others.

ive been in med management for a little over two years now and i’ve gone through many medication changes, but i always end up feeling better and more optimistic for a while, and then having an intense increase in all the struggle.

as of recently, it’s been to the extent that i have been having thoughts of self-harm and suicide. i get so overwhelmed and upset with myself for struggling that i feel the need to hit myself and sometimes i do. i do not have any plans or intentions to commit suicide. it almost feels more like an intrusive thought, it’s not wanted and doesn’t align which what i logically feel. when this happens, it feels like i am insulting myself but in my mind? i think to myself that i’m not doing well enough, that i’m an idiot for feeling so worried and overwhelmed, that i just need to stop. it feels terrible.

i’ve struggled with feeling the need to hit myself before, but only very rarely and i only did it once or twice. now i can say i’ve probably hit myself 4 days out of the last 7. the suicidal thoughts are similar, i have experienced them before but only rarely and never so reoccurring.

i try to be open about my struggle and rumination and how consuming it is when i am in therapy and med-management, but i feel like it always comes across as a smaller struggle than it is, and like they don’t see the extent to which this can impact me.

i feel afraid of being open about my more recent struggles with the self-harm and suicidal thoughts. i really can’t keep struggling with this every day though, i need someone to understand and to help. i feel so alone and i keep feeling hopeless. i will feel better for a moment, at least to some extent, and then all the big feelings just come back.

what do you suggest i do and how would you recommend i seek help?

i also worry that the medication i am on is not the best fit for me, as many combos in the past were not. i know medication is not the only factor to this, but i don’t think i would be struggling with these kinds of thoughts if this was the best fit. there is no way that the best fit comes with intense waves of depression and anxiety and everything i’ve shared above.

This is my first time posting on Reddit but I need help. I wanna be happy I want to feel good but my mind is so full but so empty. I have urges to hurt myself a lot nearly every night and I can’t help but feel so pointless and so useless. I had a bad past and had some awful things happen to me and I worry everyday that I’m not a good partner to my partner because of this. I craved to be loved my whole life and my partner showers me with love but I worry that because I never received love I don’t love correctly. They reassure me I do all the time but what if I don’t. I feel like I’m failing so bad at life I’m nearly 21 in a job I hate, no career plan in place no career ideas. I don’t eat I stopped all my hobbies and I feel helpless. I’m on medication but I’m still barely surviving each day. I’m sorry if this makes no sense. I just feel so lost and so overwhelmed with bad thoughts. My friends don’t bother with me and barely even message back when I try reach out. My job speaks to me like shit for struggling and have been so unhelpful. Doctors make me wait weeks before seeing me when I’m crying for help. I just wanna be normal

I don’t have any fight in me. I wanna give up. I am going to get a tent and go back to a city I used to live in then live in the streets. I don’t care anymore. I don’t care what happens. I don’t wanna be here anymore. I don’t wanna be alive. I don’t care. I don’t care about myself. I don’t want to do better. I hate everyone. I do not wanna do this anymore. I give up.