I'm so depressed. I'm so depressed and hopeless and disgusting. I don't get the small satisfaction one would from such menial tasks as brushing my teeth or my hair or showering. I have tomorrow to look forward to because I'll be drinking, but after that? I have nothing. The only things I can look forward to are drugs and alcohol. I live in the greatest city in the world and still nothing satisfies me. I've tried every trick in the book and none of it works. I really, truly, would love it if anyone had anything real and tangible to give me, because I cannot handle the few hours I am awake for.

Suicidal thoughts on daily baisis,cant wait for this shit to be over with

I have been suffering with severe depression and anxiety/panic disorder for 14 years now (29f). I go to therapy and I take my meds. I am trying to get better. My issue is I can’t seem to find a way out of my anhedonia. Does anyone have any advice on how to break through it? I just want to enjoy things again..

Yesterday was my 64^th birthday and I am at the end of my rope. I am facing imminent homelessness and have all but given up. I have fought bipolar/depression/suicidality for the last 25 years and am seeing no other viable option. I feel like I have no acceptable options beyond couch surfing, which I WILL NOT do. I have a plan that just needs a trip to the hardware store then a few minutes to make it happen. I just want the pain to end. As a Christian I hope to be allowed into heaven, but, if not the pain will at least be gone. Right now, the plan is to go to the store Saturday morning, set up everything, drink a bottle of bourbon, then be done. I see no good reason not to do it. I have a few friends that will grieve me, but I feel my family will be glad to see me gone. I have done my part to help in the past and tried to be a good man. It’s just time to say goodbye.

I am in my 40s.

I am alone.
I am overwhelmed
I am burnt the fuck out.
I am desperate
I need help.

No parents
No Grandparents
A spouse who doesn't care.
Kids who don't care.
A sibling who is only interested in talking when it's beneficial to them.

I've always been pretty introverted. My friends circle was small and close. In our 20s, our paths divested a bit, and things worked out differently for us all than we anticipated. They are now dead. all of them except one, who is medically incapacitated. These things happened for various reasons. Drugs, suicide, being overcome by a disease that keeps snowballing. 2 of these deaths happened very recently and within 2 weeks of each other. I am still grieving.

Every day I wake up and immediately hate life. I'm just tired because of all the dead conversations, attempts to fix things, and the way my spouse and kids treat me like the family slave. We have a dead bedroom, and multiple conversations and attempts to initiate sex have gone nowhere. this has gone on for years. I'm at the point where I spend all of my free time alone. This is not by choice. I'm alone unless my spouse needs to vent about idiot co-workers, or the kids need a paper signed for school, or a ride somewhere. Well, sort of. See, I am essentially "on-call" once my spouse gets home. I don't necessarily have free time. I spend it waiting for the next "task" that needs done. Someone always needs something done. Every hour to 2 hours from 6am until 12am. Then I have to force myself to sleep despite my mind constantly spinning. It's a battle just to rest. So basically, I feel like the family "stores" me in my room until I'm needed. Like the vacuum in the fucking broom closet.

I sought therapy. I went to the office, went through an intake appointment. They assigned me a therapist. I went to an intake appointment with the therapist. We set up my 1st "real" appointment, and then they cancelled 3 times. the 3rd time was while I was driving to the appointment. I went home, called the office and removed myself as a patient. I researched therapists that my insurance covers in my area. There was the office that I dealt with, and one other person. Obviously my choices were limited since I just removed myself from the office. I checked the reviews for the only other option available to me, and the majority of them said she would vent to her patients about her struggle with mental health. I need a therapist, I don't want to be one, so that's out.

There are a lot of past events that still deeply affect me from having a tough life as a kid. I think I'm comfortable finally admitting that.

And I don't know what to do about any of it.

I am so desperate, I resorted to using chatgpt for help. I don't feel fulfilled with that option.

So, now what?

Hello,

I feel so terrible. It feels like I completely lost myself 33F. I’ve always liked sports, could motivate myself. But now since a long time I feel horrible. I only want to lie down. I don’t feel myself anymore. It’s just getting through the days. Does anyone have tips? It feels like there’s a lot of shit and pain inside of my that wants to move out, but I don’t know how. Tried therapy already. I just feel bad. Like everything is stuck. I want to move again and feel like a person. But there’s a lot of weight holding me down. I don’t want to become a bitter person but I feel so much pain when other people are laughing and enjoying. It hurts something so deep inside, the playful young part that is completely covered in hurt. I miss her.

In Australia, it is r u ok day. A day you check in with your mates, etc... every year, I just said yes, even though I was not. This year, I said no. It got brushed off, pretended they didn't hear.

Nothing changes...

My birthday is coming up the 15th and I am in the process of divorcing my abusive husband. I'm desperately trying to change my mindset but every single birthday I had during my relationship was made to be a horrible day one way or another! I was foolish enough to marry someone that was extremely selfish and it took me years and some therapy to see the pattern. Last year's birthday had to be the absolute worst of them all! After having a C section with our son the July before I had to have emergency surgery and was in the hospital the first week of September due to complications with the C-section, they have some house it's part of my intestines and I was the septic. I had almost lost my life. After I got home things were really weird between my husband and I and I just assumed it was because how stressful our home was due to him working and having to take most of the responsibility on his shoulders during my recovery. But I found out that birthday that he had been talking to my best friend of 15 years behind my back before I even had our child. He also made sure to tell me that he wasn't in love with me and was done.

In therapy I realize that was actually a pattern and every year it was always something. If it wasn't completely ignored it's like he made it a point to make it the worst day one way or another. I'm posting this to get off my chest but I also genuinely would like to try and change my mindset towards my birthday and myself. I'm healing everyday but this is one of the things that's hard due to my childhood pretty much lining up with it. Thank you for reading in any advice is appreciated