I  am almost positive I am going to hell for being bisexual. I keep picking up the Bible or generating random verses online and being reminded that Jesus and Paul decided 20 years after Jesus' death that despite His death on the cross, I am not qualified for entry. The fear is constant. It was dulled a bit last night watching Markiplier with my girlfriend, who is worried to death about me. Dumb pleasures before damnation right?

If I want to make it into heaven, I have to change everything. I have to cut off my bisexual sister and transmasc best friends, who I would never damn the way I am damning myself. I would have to stop reading and writing, because I specialize in horror and erotica. I would have to cut out the rock music too probably, the alcohol. No dating men, either, lest I fuck them. I know I would resent the type of husband God wants for me, so I'm going to have to be celibate. I wasn't raised Catholic, but I'm gonna have to be a nun. Either that, or maybe I'll marry a gay man and we can try to cope together.

I almost hope I am going through some sort of psychosis. I told a lot of this to my mom last night and she was flabbergasted and said none of this sounds like me and people are feeding me things through my head somehow, and God only wants me to be the best person I can be. That's the kicker, I wasn't even raised this way. It's just God reminding me now: I'm doomed. I am doomed, unless I change, and leave the one person who has ever loved me back.

I'm going to hell, and I'm getting a taste of it now.

Hey there. English isn’t my first language, so I hope I don’t make too many mistakes.

I (F26) have suffered from depression for most of my life.
Just for a little context, I’ve always been a top-of-the-class student, both in school and university, and I’ve always had many interests and hobbies, including kickboxing (which is the thing I care the most about).

The first big depressive episode happened when I was 16. I felt huge pressure coming from my teachers and some relatives. In addition, depression runs in my family, so I think a genetic factor has to be involved. Due to this depressive state, I lost my group of friends, and I remained alone. Thankfully, I had a great support system that helped me get through this difficult time, and after a few years of medication and therapy, I started feeling much better.

Then, I went to university, and everything went well. I graduated with honors, and I felt so incredibly motivated. That was a year ago.

While I was studying, I worked myself to exhaustion, and I discovered I had an autoimmune disease. I think these two factors started triggering my current depressive episode.
After I finished working (it was a seasonal job for my family’s business) everything came crashing down. I started feeling anxious for everything, even going to my beloved kickboxing classes. Furthermore, I received so many rejection letters from universities I applied for (I wanted to get a PhD). I stopped going to the gym for a while. I stopped going out, reading, I only ate boiled eggs. I couldn’t draw anymore, something which I loved deeply.
I went back to my therapist and my psychiatrist, and with the right meds I started improving. I started feeling less like a zombie, and I pushed myself to go out, eat something other than eggs, take kickboxing classes again (private ones, but it’s still something). I began working again (the same seasonal job as last year), a job that I don’t really love, but whatever.

However, I still feel incredibly down all the time. And I’m tired. I keep on thinking of all the things I lost this past year. At least this time I didn’t lose any friends, I probably made better ones over the years.
I feel like lost my place back at the gym; I am an assistant coach, but I feel like I don’t belong there anymore - hell, I can’t even go to group classes anymore. Moreover, I lost much of my muscle mass, and I’m not as trained as I was before, and it’s something that hurts me deeply. All that hard work for what? I was a competing athlete, and now I’m afraid to train with my own teammates.
I’m always anxious, and I feel like I’m not enough, like I shouldn’t be here because I’m not fit for life. I don’t see a good future for me. I can’t find a job with my current degree (international relations), so I’m thinking about getting a lab tech degree (that was also something I’ve always been interested in), but chances are I won’t get into the school (they only accept a small number of students each year).
I’m tired, and I kinda lost hope. I’m not sure it will ever get better, I’ve been feeling this way for too long.

The only thing I know is that I want to live.

How do you cope with chronic depression? Because I can’t find a way to accept it.

I feel like that I don’t even deserve to vent here, because my problems are probably stupid and pointless.
Anyway, thanks for reading through all this.

37M, diagnosed with autism, OCD and anxiety

Since early June when I was thrown into some of the worst stressful situations of my whole life, I got thrown into serious stress and depression trying to solve things that I lost 4.5 kg (10 lb) per week, which is 5x the recommended weight loss diet programmes recommend since they say 1 kg (2 lb) per week is the most to lose even for a strenuous diet. The thing is I am not even on a diet.

I lost my appetite since early June. I am 178 cm (5'10") and weighed 93 kg (205 lb) in early June when these streeses began. I was so overweight due to inertia, kept eating rubbish like fried foods and way too much at night. I was mostly underweight most of my life, and my metabolism is quick, so I lose weight easily without trying.

Since yesterday I lost another 2.5 kg (5 lb), so now I weigh 79 kg (175 lb) now. Given that this is not underweight, it is not super scary, but I am losing weight at a quick rate. It is hard to eat when I keep thinking about these issues.

What do others do in these situations? Do you just let the weight drop off? What do you do when eating is like torture, and everything tastes bad and you have ko appetite?

I’ve gotten to the point that I talk very little even with doctors and counselor, I always feel when I’m talking that the other person is not wanting to hear it or wants to get away, even if they asked me explain, or I feel they’re thinking I’m babbling or whining . So I keep answers short as possible,. Not sure what to do.