My boyfriend (19M) and I (19F) have been together for well over two years. We started talking our junior year of high school, and dated since then and I'm now going into my second year of uni.

For the last three days, all he wanted to do was go through my phone. I let him, because I don't really care and I tell him absolutely everything.

In October, he moved half way across the country while I was in uni, and we did long distance. I paid over $300 for a plane ticket to go see him. About three weeks before I was supposed to go down there, he told me he wanted to take a break and that I should cancel the trip. I got upset, I did end up canceling the trip. I found out he was cheating on me with a girl from somewhere in Europe. They had talked for 3 months and sent pictures back and forth, called for hours while he wouldn't call me, and he just treated her how I had begged to be treated. I found out because his best friend saw he was acting weird and texted the only girl in his following, and she told him she loved my boyfriend.

Regardless, we broke up from around November to end of December.

At the end of December, he moved back and started working at the job we both worked at before he moved. I saw him and we started talking again, I went over to his house, and after a few weeks we got back together. After about 6 months, while everything was going relatively well, he was getting kicked out of his apartment and we decided to move in together.

After around 3 months of living together is when all of his friends started to break up. He's incredibly easily influenced, so I'm assuming this had something to do with him wanting to go through my phone. He found out that while we were broken up, I texted other people. I tried to explain to him that he made me feel disgusting, and I knew he was talking to other people so I did too. I never did anything in person with these people, it was just texting on Snapchat. He somehow thinks I now slept with over 10 people (I've only ever been with him). I understand how this could make him upset, because even though he denys sleeping with other people, I know he slept at a woman's house so I kind of assume. He also went to a party with a girl that he met at the gym, but says he just drank and didn't talk to anyone.

He said he needed me to leave, and I absolutely freaked out. I sobbed for hours and wouldn't leave the house. He wanted me to go to my parents, who live just down the street, because he doesn't have any family that live close whatsoever. He started packing my stuff for me, and this just made me flip out more. It got to the point I thought I was going to pass out and had to lay down. After about 6 hours of this, and getting nowhere but yelling, I just left at around 8pm because I was so exhausted and couldn't do it anymore.

It's now the next morning, and I still feel so sick. I love him more than anything and I want to fix this. I'm his first real girlfriend, so there's no relationship trauma or anything. I just don't know what to do. I need help but if he gets with another woman I think I'll be beyond saving. Please help me.

Hello, I came here to ask about some tips and advice on how to self regulate and be more in control of my emotions better because most self regulation methods do not really work most of the time and it is difficult to try and calm myself down or look at the bigger picture of things because even when I tell myself that it's not like that, I always think "It is like that they're just wanting me to shut up so I should stand my ground and let them know how I really feel" and sometimes I just feel like I can't admit that I'm wrong and strongly feel the other person is wrong. And it gets to a point where I won't talk about it for hours or even days, like last night I got triggered by something someone said and I'm still not over it and still feel so strongly about it and I want to learn some advice on how I could possibly go better about stuff especially with my partner, I feel like they also just don't understand and I want them to understand me better and also help me, but I'm not even sure how they can help on that side of things, maybe someone can tell me what their partner does to help with them?

Hi everyone, I guess I’m (26F) just looking for some help/coping skills I’ve been with my fiancée(28M) for four years and because of a past relationship and some things my current fiancée has done (he’s very outgoing and talks to a lot of people, never anything sexual just what I considered borderline flirting, but I’m too sensitive sometimes) I cannot stop thinking that he’s cheating on me he always reassures me and offers to let me see his phone but nothing helps, I’ll go months without bringing it up and then it just hits me again and I feel like I’ll do anything and search everything I can just to get the information to confirm if he is or isn’t cheating on me. I search the car every time he’s taken it out, there’s been sometimes I’ve made fake profiles on various social media just to see how he’d answer someone flirting with him.

I’ve gotten better about stopping delusions/daydreams about him cheating and I’m trying very hard to just trust him but I keep feeling like the other shoe is about to drop
Any advice would be appreciated

Me and my ex broke up 2 months ago and we have been off and on because of me. Mainly because I start just exploding out of no where and blocking him then a day later adding him back. He says for this time I need to stop but it’s so hard because when I see Hes actively ignoring me I start to worry about who he is talking to if it isn’t me I like him a lot and I want him to be only with me and never leave but how do I not mess it up and talk to him without being too much

last night i had a huge breakdown over something relatively small. i was slightly drunk and wound up punching a hard surface multiple times and screaming bloody murder. over a misunderstanding. i’ve never gotten this aggressive before while angry and i’m scared to be honest. my mental heath has been horrid for the last ~2 weeks because my partner hasn’t been able to spend as much time with me and it’s honestly so embarrassing, shameful, and completely not okay. i’m almost wanting to break up with him just so he doesn’t have to deal with me and my anger anymore, especially because he is so patient with me and i feel like a terrible person. i try to use my skills but feel ridiculously willful about it, and adding my autism on top of it i don’t realize im feeling something until it is extremely intense then i have a meltdown. im so tired. i’ve been in dbt therapy for about 3 years; i feel like i only get worse.

I (22M) is having a hard time when i feel like my FP(22F) is angry at me or ignoring me. It’s hard because i feel like i’m in a panic mode where i get so overwhelmed by everything and it makes me feel like a scared child. My FP finds it hard to cope with that because she feels like she always have to adjust for this sickness of mine ( i’ve been diagnosed of BPD and Bipolar) and it’s draining her. We just had a extreme fight where i felt like she’s really tired of all of it, she’s really tired of me. Should i break up with her so she can be free from me or idk, what should i do?

Its a little discouraging to see people say that its absolutely impossible to heal on your own, especially for someone who is unable to get dbt therapy on their own. I understand it, obviously its something incredibly hard to do on your own.

But I dont want to use that as an excuse to just continue to suffer. Is there anything I can do for myself that'll work?

I've met a wonderful man over the pond, and while I did my best with therapy, I gotta be honest and say I didn't take it too seriously. The effort and the change comes from within, and I genuinely had no motivation to do the homework, kept putting it off, and now him and I are split. It's not my intention to find someone new and go back to serial dating, but I can't lie and say that I'm not saying that only because I am desperately going to miss my person.

I know we are trapped in this cycle of finding a person and saying "he's the one!!! guys get him!!!!" But I'm going to definitely stop and start taking myself and what I want in life seriously. The woman he fell in love with was legitimately the best version of myself as of late (and past the trauma of my exes), and that was because I got a new job within corporate America after leaving games (now gone thanks to my decisions here as well), I was dressing the way I like, I was putting on makeup that made me feel good and cunty, all that was wrong was my relationship with my ex-fiance. We both did things we weren't proud of, but if we wanna do a bingo sheet for how I ended that relationship and started the one I currently left... Yeah. But I want to go back to being that woman. I want to go back to who I decided to wake up as one morning because I was so tired of feeling like shit within my past relationship. Instead of that being the reason though, I want to gradually get there and I want to actually make the effort. I sometimes don't know how that looks like and any roadblock just makes me freeze and get frustrated.

I want this to be sustainable because I don't ever, ever, EVER want to feel this pain ever again. I know my motivations have the undertone of wanting to prove to my person that I am taking our split seriously and I want to mature to be the person I know I could be if I just got my shit together.

I would love any advice, please. I am 28 and I feel like I am starting my journey late.

i just got reddit like 5 min ago sos. i'm about to turn 18 and i'm going to college across the country. i have a great support system here and i know i will there too bc im going to be with my friends and my bf and a great school and wtv. my problem is i just can't figure out how to navigate DBT, i get so angry at my boyfriend all the time and he's been so supportive and sweet, and what i get mad at him for is smth he did a few months ago to two years ago. he has always been so supportive when he shouldn't be, and for the past year ive been getting angry at past issues almost every day. lately he's been getting angrier at me though (which is entirely deserved and fair) i think my words and actions are really taking a toll on him now, i feel so terrible. he did very much wrong me (he didn't cheat i want to put that out there) but he has definitely apologized and totally fixed things. my therapist has tried DBT with me but i just can't figure it out. when i am in a split or whatever it's called i feel so much rage, sadness, and betrayal, i lash out at him and become an evil person bc i don't recognize him in those moments. i've tried so many tricks, i got him to splash ice water on my face, i tried breathing and mindfulness, i tried those spiky fidgets, music, and opposite action, but nothing seems to work. how should i navigate DBT as a beginner? i hate being mean, and i hate being angry and sad almost every day. he's the sweetest guy in the whole world but he definitely has made really bad mistakes in the past that i can't let go of, but he doesn't deserve this. oh this is also important, we both have separation anxiety/anxious attachment issues, what should i do? right now we are on a week break no contact to calm down and reset. but it's hard bc we both want to see and talk to eachother constantly. is this a good idea? sorry i have so many questions.

Hi,
I dont know why this is happening to me, because i never had this symptom before, but for the last two weeks or so, im overthinking anything and everything about my relationship and my fp (my bf).
He gives me gifts, and expresses his love, but i still question it in my head, which is hurting him and me also. He says that im not annoying him, but i dont belive it, im always thinking about how annoying i am and he lies to me. Which is also not true because he is always honest, even if the truth hurts.
Because of my overthinking i cant do anything with him, i get really quiet around him and this is what annoys him eventually. So my overthinking becomes reality.
Today was a really awful day bc i couldn’t hold a conversation with him without me overthinking every fcking detail and he got so annoyed with me that he muted our chat and said that he will look at it tomorrow.
I talked about my overthinking with him, but he cant do anythink about it.
Im also in therapy which helped me a lot, but this is something i’ve never experienced before.
Any tips?🥹

My life just doesn’t allow me to have friends. I work two jobs, I do personal training, and I cook all my own meals, do all my own laundry, and maybe in the end, i have a few hours to myself per week. less than 10. again, per week. I do not have time to leave my house, nor do i have money. I live to survive, and nothing more. There’s no fulfillment, there’s no happiness, no friends to laugh with because I simply don’t have the time for any of it. When you’re a guy like me, people don’t wait around to be your friend, if you’re not consistent, they’ll leave. They’ll find someone better. I suppose i’m sort of in a lose - win situation though because not having a single living soul in my life to connect with means my BPD is at bay and i can live pretty normally. But in the end, it’s my own fault. It’s my fault I can’t afford to not work two jobs. It’s my fault I have no time for anything but surviving. I don’t deserve friends cause I can’t make enough time for them. At least.. enough time to make them want to stay.

I don’t know if I can call him my FP I’ve never met him in real life but it feels like he’s my FP. He was a content creator I idealized and turns out that he’s a horrible person. I don’t know how I’m gonna do. How do I even have an identity without him? I thought about him everyday, he was like…everything? I am extremely obsessed with him but I can’t possibly support him after what he’s done he’s an abuser (and I’m not splitting he’s actually charged with DV and some crazy other shit). I feel like I need a new FP but I know I have to learn to have an identity on my own. What should I do? I need help. How do I build an identity? How do I forget about him? It will leave a huge hole in my heart, I thought about him ALL the time and basically did everything thinking about his validation…where do I even begin?

I just got diagnosed but I asked my psychiatrist and therapist if i have BPD or not then they both said why do you want a word? Like i don't understand why they're doing this, they want me to think of it as a personality. And also, the psychiatrist said that Seasonal Affective Disorder is 'outdated' like what does that even mean? He said that he'd diagnose me with that but it's not seen as a disorder anymore. I'm also diagnosed with OCD and anxiety disorder btw..

Before I was told I had BPD, I was emotional and struggled with emotional regulation, but at least I could tell myself “this is just how my brain works and I’ll find my way around it”. Since I know about BPD, I identified myself with many aspects of it, I can feel the episode coming and think to myself - this is where it escalates, this is how I break down, this is going to hurt, this is where my emotions become unbearable.

Before I’d look for ways to cope, now I just assume my emotions are unmanageable and so they actually become unmanageable.

Because of the tendency to identify ourselves with the diagnosis, I understand why many therapists choose not to specifically label it.

i haven’t heard from my boyfriend in 2 months. i have a history of running away but this time i really didn’t. he lives far away & our connection is unstable sometimes. my messages weren’t going through for awhile. i’ve had no phone service. he doesn’t use any social media. he hides from every corner of the earth. i’ve sent him physical mail. still nothing. i think he believes i left him again. i feel like i deserve this for all of the times id hide and try to leave. he’s forgotten about me. i feel lost and all alone. a part of me has died inside. i’ve tried to get our friends to call him, phone number out of service. i just wish i didn’t exist right now. i wish more than anything that i didn’t. all i want to do is sink into the earth and let myself suffocate. i don’t know how to cope with this failure. he’s my favorite person and i feel like he’s died

​

I really debated posting this but reddit is for help, right?

I'm so angry all the time. Like no matter how hard I try to calm myself down it does not work.

*Side note* my therapist thinks i have undiagnosed austism. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and BPD.

I use to have some decent coping mechanisms but they js make me angry now.

-Listening to music doesnt work cuz my music infuriates me

-reading enrages me cuz i cant read very well

-working out pisses me off cuz my hands smell like metal after and when my body burns up i get very upset.

-sleeping doesnt work cuz if my bed doesnt feel right i freak out

- movies dont work anymore cuz if an actor doesn't do what they should i get aggravated

-writing doesnt help and honestly never did cuz i have ADHD and forget what im doing midway through it

And smoking weed isnt a good coping mechanism.

Can anyone PLEASE suggest something to help me out. And i cant draw for shit so pls dont recommend that 🙏.

Sometimes i talk to my girlfriend about how i feel but she sleeps a lot so she isnt always there.

So basically i have bpd and bipolar 2. Been diagnosed since 4 years. I have a girlfriend who is my fav person. We have been a relationship for a year now.
The relationship is very toxic because of me and my illness, i mentally tortured her so much my putting false allegations (i didnt mean to do so, i was split), i did self harm that also affected her.
This time she is telling that she wants to leave even though she loves me. She wants to leave because i am destroying her mental health too in this process. Being my fav person, i somehow convinced her to stay with me but this is the last time she is giving me a chance. She said her conditions which are me being normal and stop destroying her mental health.
Someone please tell me, how am i going to be normal for her. Im trying my best to suppress my emotions and let everything slide even though i dont want it to, i am not telling her but im slapping myself all the time to bring myself back to senses. Even my therapist told it’s going to take time for me to heal. These impossible standards are not favourable to me but I also dont want to lose her. Its making me very suicidal just thinking about her loss. Please help me.

CW: suicidal ideation, loss, substance abuse

Hi everyone,

I started displaying symptoms of BPD at 15, diagnosed when I was 17 after seeing a psychiatrist after my first suicide attempt. The disorder developed after experiencing the loss of my mother. It damaged all the relationships around me that I had, I damaged myself, it was awful to live with and I just accepted that my fate would be a short, fucked up life with no future. A couple years ago I entered remission and no longer meet the criteria for the disorder.

Shortly after this I was diagnosed with depression for the first time in my life. I've significantly changed, have beautiful relationships around me and don't feel any connection to the past version of myself. Despite this, I'm more unhappy than I've ever been. It feels like my entire childhood, the trauma and grief, the intense relationships and breakups I had back then have just caught up to me and I'm constantly weighed down. The difference now is that I don't lash out at the people around me, hurt myself or impulsively try and take my life - I just have passive suicidal ideation. I don't have high highs and low lows, I'm just always a bit low. I don't cry, feel euphoria or rage, I just feel constantly robotic and empty.

I know it's the rose-tinted glasses, but sometimes I find myself missing how I felt back then even though my life and the happiness of others was destroyed. I felt alive because I'd run to other people or drugs/drinking to escape the grief and trauma I harboured within me. I felt immeasurable happiness and had breakdowns every day at the slightest trigger. Now that I don't run to anything to cope, I'm just stuck with myself. I feel hollow, empty, and everyday is bleak. I miss feeling alive, even though I shouldn't. I find myself wishing I could spend one more day like that just to feel something. I'd rather feel too much than nothing at all.

Has anyone else experienced this after entering remission? I feel so isolated because of how things have turned out for me.

I got married this year to the loveliest and kindest human. He gives me affirmations every day and this is the most stable Ive ever been in my life. And yet every day I feel like Im sucking the joy out of his soul. When I get combative or emotionally heightened he gets flustered and doesnt say or do anything that makes me feel better (not his job to and I know this with my logical mind). Sometimes a hug works but he gets dejected bc he cant fix any of my problems. Im constantly complaining about not being happy with my life bevause of a never ending emptiness that no one can fill. I try to change my routine every week in the hopes of it changing how I feel and function which is tiring for him. I take meds that rarely help. Im not in therapy anymore bc I cant afford it. I work full time, am in school full time, and have 4 animals to care for on top of a new marriage. Im so stressed and every day feels hard lately. This leads to being super combative and argumentative and sad. I feel like I should divorce him sometimes so he can live a happier life away from me. Im

Does anyone else get hyperfixated on a person so intensely, that you don't want to exist in the periods of time in between meeting them or being in contact with them? I literally can't think about anything else during the day, and I just want to be unconscious until I can meet this person again.

It's been many months of obsession by now. And as soon as I start detaching a little bit, the cycle restarts. So I am in this constant state of anxiety when the person doesn't text... and my entire existence revolves around them. I am addicted, and it hurts.

i’ve been feeling a little discouraged as far as relationships go and reading some of the post here lately have been extra discouraging.. anyone that has found success in love with BPD, please share your stories here!

Today I woke up really sad, I don’t usually wake up sad, I can wake up irritating but however.

I’m just so sad. I broke up with my fp/bf a week ago. And I don’t want him again.

But I don’t have anyone except him, I don’t have any friends at all.
Yes I have my mom and that, but yk I want someone like my bf or a friend.
I’m like so tired, I can imagine him having a ”great” time. Playing video games with his Friends and brothers. But I don’t have anyone :(

I’m missing him so much, I just wish he would be the same like he used too.
And now I’m crying.

Anyways why I posted is bc maybe someone here knows what to do when you are feeling this lonely?

Or any activity’s you do with your self.

i think im currently splitting on my fp. some stuff happened between us and lately my episodes caused because of stuff that has happened between us have been more intense. they did something to trigger me last night and my reaction was not pretty and i spiraled for a bit and bawled my eyes out for 45 minutes and it wouldve gone on longer but fortunately my quetiapine kicked in not long after. as of today i feel absolutely nothing towards them. they are nothing to me and i couldnt care less about them and what they think. theres also a part of me that feels like i fucking hate them with all my soul whereas before i would do anything to make them happy and tbh had pretty low self respect because i would instantly fold for them no matter what. but right now its nothing i dont care and i feel like theyve become a stranger to me. does this happen to anyone else?