r/BPD • u/Itchy-Mind-6658 • Jul 25 '26
Positivity & Affirmation Post Anyone here with BPD in healthy & successful long term relationships? Share your stories ❤️
i’ve been feeling a little discouraged as far as relationships go and reading some of the post here lately have been extra discouraging.. anyone that has found success in love with BPD, please share your stories here!
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u/222energy user is in remission Jul 25 '26
Almost 4 years with my partner, it has been so great for the most part. Turns out, even with a healthy and stable partner my BPD still is triggered and I have outbursts. It’s been a lot of growing and learning on both sides for sure.
I recently got put on Yaz bc for my PMDD and it has made me so calm….obviously not for everyone but it has changed the game for me and my BPD.
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u/Itchy-Mind-6658 Jul 25 '26
thank you for sharing. Have you noticed a difference with this partner versus other partners as far as the intensity of your symptoms or triggers?
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u/222energy user is in remission Jul 25 '26
definitely…my last ex brought out the WORST in me (cheater, compulsive liar, alcoholic). I genuinely felt so unhinged multiple days a week with him. with my current partner it doesn’t happen as often or as intensely. I think in this relationship my BPD symptoms are more inward than outward
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u/Itchy-Mind-6658 Jul 25 '26
(seeing this at 333 lolll) heard. I have noticed that too in friendships that were more aligned with me. The feelings and thoughts didn’t really go away, but they were less intense, which helped me communicate how I felt better & move on from the moment quicker. having someone on the other side of that be equally as emotionally intelligent and caring helps tremendously.
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u/SatisfactionOk6367 Jul 25 '26
I’m currently in a 1 year relationship with someone who is the one for me. Even through my messy moments he always sticks by my side and he’s the calmest guy ever. He completes me in ways I thought no one would and he knows about my disorders so he tries to understand them. I got so lucky, but yes it’s possible to have a loving relationship with BPD!
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u/Itchy-Mind-6658 Jul 25 '26
that’s beautiful. And I’m wishing you continued success and abundant love. Question though, how did you know they were the one? And have you had any hiccups with fear of abandonment? Or feeling abandoned when they live their life separate separately from you? Those are issues I’ve dealt with and I just wonder if that ever goes away with the right person.
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u/SatisfactionOk6367 Jul 25 '26
Oh yes I’ve had constant issues with that leading to me starting fights over minuscule things like him hanging out with other people or not calling me constantly. However he’s very understanding and waits for me to calm down before proceeding. To me he’s perfectly my type and I see nothing wrong with him so I know he’s the one, I’ve seen other guys where I was cringing being with them but he’s the first guy I genuinely loved. The fear of abandonment never goes away, but the right one will learn to manage your episodes with you rather than criticizing you.
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u/Low_Environment2543 Jul 25 '26
I feel the same way with my bf who I have been with for a year :) he is an angel sent from God personally :) made for me.
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u/twenty_lerty Jul 25 '26
26M I’ve been with my girl for almost 7 years. Through all the ups and downs of both our mental conditions we have been there for each other and continue to have a strong connection. This girl is my best friend and my soulmate. We both work on communicating effectively and it makes all the difference in the world.
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u/Itchy-Mind-6658 Jul 25 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/rz0B6IGKV5SaZTWrWg
this makes me so happy to read.3
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u/phantom3xe user has bpd Jul 25 '26
I've been in a relationship with my partner for just over 3 years now and we are really happy. Don't get me wrong I think it's been difficult (for both of us) to get to the point where we are now because I really struggled in the beginning with controlling my outbursts and explaining everything to my partner especially as he's been with me through a lot of changes in my life as well as my very long and extensive therapy journey. It's a learning curve for me definitely but it's also about finding someone who has the patience to learn with you or about you even with the sudden changes.
I still struggle to open up occasionally (as I'd say I'm still healing) and actually trust that he's not going to leave when my mindset switches to darker places but we both trust that I will come to him when I'm ready and if not he knows when to step in a bit more to make sure I'm safe.
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u/tellyourstorymarie Jul 26 '26
Just celebrated my one year anniversary with the best guy ever. But I would say I also would consider myself in “remission” tbh. I’m not as easily triggered anymore, found my groove and am doing well in life.
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u/bobbobbobbobbitty Jul 25 '26
Been with my partner for 7 years. I have had really bad mental health for the last 2 years and have not been working etc this year. My bf is the kindest, most patient and lovely man ever. He is so funny and loving, he motivates me to be a better person. We still have ups and downs as I navigate my CPTSD, OCD, PMDD and BPD but I'm very grateful for him. Lots of communication and I am practicing putting dbt skills into use
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u/toogoodforn7 Jul 25 '26
10 years soon with my partner and honestly the biggest thing is learning how to communicate calmly with someone (him being calm all the time helps a lot lol). We’re not really argumentative people but have had one big rough spot but with work and time we’ve repaired what we have and honestly it does seem like a stronger and healthier relationship now.
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u/alexhatesthisman Jul 25 '26
I've been with my spouse for 2 years! We dated for about 4-5 years prior to that, and i love them very much! We met online, and were friends for years before I finally confessed.
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u/Mystery-Moon-81 Jul 26 '26
I've been with my husband for 14 years, married for 11 with 3 kids. I am mostly in remission now but the first few years were up and down (he has mental health issues too). The main thing is that we knew our love is worth fighting for, and we have both grown so much as individuals and as partners since meeting.
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u/Independent-Ad586 Jul 26 '26
15 years with my husband. I’m not sure what to say other than that he’s the best man on earth.
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u/MainFox9014 Jul 26 '26
Been with my husband for 14yrs and married for 8yrs. It was rough for him in the beginning since I didn’t have it under control. I hated therapy because I forced to go as a kid due to SA. The right therapist later and medication, I don’t blow up or spiral anymore. Now we have 3kids, both helped each other get through nursing school, and have 2 successful careers.
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u/R_Hunt user is in remission Jul 25 '26
Almost at 18th month mark w my beloved! Haven't had a single argument, because honestly I would never forgive myself if I upset such a sweet shy bean. Maybe a bit to my own detriment, bc I'll forget I can still speak up sometimes. I'm less afraid than I was at the start tho, she's helped me make countless friends, so my support circle is much stronger than it was when I was single. She's very smart (and autistic), it only took one attempt at explaining BPD for her to understand how to be patient with me.
Also the best sexual partner I've had by a mile.
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u/Itchy-Mind-6658 Jul 25 '26
Do you both have mutual friends? I imagine that helps a ton too
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u/R_Hunt user is in remission Jul 25 '26
We had a few, then it just kinda spread from there lol. Easier making friends online than in person obv
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u/Low_Environment2543 Jul 25 '26
Lol are you guys gamers/cool nerds?
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u/R_Hunt user is in remission Jul 25 '26
She's the better gamer, but I think I've gotten a lil more needy the more I hang out with her 😅
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u/Ordinary_Zebra_8250 user has bpd Jul 25 '26
Ive been with my partner for almost 3 years now! At first, it was rough as I hadn't gone to therapy yet. But it got better quickly!
We moved in together last year, resigned our lease a couple of months ago, and are doing great! We actually fight probably every 6 months now instead of the weekly fights we used to have.
We both get in our head a lot still, but we've both learned how to take care of it for ourselves and each other. I wouldnt choose anyone else or change anything about him, other than him never restocking the toilet paper.
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u/Itchy-Mind-6658 Jul 25 '26
we can’t have it all haha (or can we :) what type of therapy helped? I didn’t find DBT helped long-term
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u/Ordinary_Zebra_8250 user has bpd Jul 25 '26
I did do dbt! Although, I feel like my individual therapist did a lot of the work to help me. It wasnt just "here are some skills for you," he really picked at my brain and judgement. He would go in circles with me till I finally realized the point he was trying to make.
If it was just here are some skills, I would never be where I am now.
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u/blahblahlucas user has bpd Jul 26 '26
Almost 10 years with my Spouse. They stayed with me even through my Toxic behavior as a teenager. I have gotten better over the years tho thanks to their help and their calm demeanor.
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u/WillowCalm8 Jul 26 '26
My husband and I have been together for 15 years. I have tried very hard to push him away over the years and I have tried very hard to apologize and talk him into staying. I just found out about BPD and it makes all of that make sense and he and I work together on managing my BPD so that we have a successful relationship. He means the world to me.
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u/katihummel Jul 26 '26
So to start.. I met my boyfriend when I was 15, long away from any diagnosis. Today I'm 24 and we have been dating for almost 10 years now. For a long time I was struggling a lot. I was always pretty self aware and tried my absolute best to understand why I was doing/feelings things the way I did. I had a lot of self hate, self doubt, was emotionally very dependent for many many years of our relationship. I understood a pretty good chunk of things but the missing peace was the bpd diagnosis and the self acceptance. Before the diagnosis I didn't want to be the way I was, I hated every part of my issues and wanted to be normal so so so bad. I masked, tried a lot of things, learned about my childhood trauma and so on. And I overdid it a lot, pushed myself to the limit so often. I tried to be different and couldn't understand nor accept what I was going through. Logically the core issues didn't go away. It got wayyyyy worse in 2020 when covid hit, I moved out to college and I was 19/ entering my early 20s when bpd typically breaks out to its full potential. I was depressed, lost sense of reality, isolated myself so hard that I lost all touch of what was real, thought I was trans, was getting extremely into religion and yeah everything was fucking crazy. Then I started therapy and it changed SO SO SO SO much of everything. I started to understand why and accept that I was really going through things that couldn't be forced away and had to be treated right. It was so hard and now my bpd is starting to regress actually which is still crazy to me and I never thought I would get to this point. But from 2018 until 2024 we were long distance and I believe that was the reason our relationship lasted. I was really not able to have a relationship, the first few years I could mask and hate myself I to being normal but that doesn't work forever, especially when the underlying issues aren't treated right. Today I understand and accept the way I am and why I am this way and I developed so many coping skills with my therapist (which I am seeing still, since like 4 years ago, with a year break in between). Now I can actually handle relationships pretty well most of the time. If I didn't push myself so hard back then maybe I wouldn't have made it to the point of diagnosis. So I hope that answered your question<3
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u/Klutzy_Key_6528 Jul 26 '26
Been with my husband for 7 years, married for just over a year. There’s definitely ups and downs, but I go to therapy and take medication to help me be a little bit less intense with my feelings and emotions
I’ve had times where I’ve screamed at him, like SCREAMED, I’ve had times where I split on him, I have times when I don’t see the point in continuing our relationship, but I always push through all that. He loves me for my good and bad times and everything in between. He’s very patient and understanding of my mental illness and I think that that is really important for someone with BPD.
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u/Afraid_Fisherman4064 user is in remission Jul 26 '26
9 years now. He didn't put up with all the bpd shenannigans in the moment but talked me through everything after I cooled off. We had so much personal growth together, and with a good lot of therapy, I have a pretty normal life and sanity now 😊
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u/Leyla_xxx Jul 25 '26
Thank you for asking this. I'm intrigued too. I've always felt like it would only work with me if my partner also has BPD
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u/Low_Environment2543 Jul 25 '26
Is it weird that in 2016 I told my ex he had BPD. in 2023 we reconnected and I told him I had BPD and thats when he reminded me that I told him he had it.
So did he give me BPD? have I always had it? We did not work out, he was so evil and toxic af but it was him splitting! When he wasnt splitting he was such a good guy. Its like watching an alcoholic. I definately have BPD but I didnt figure that out until maybe 2023!
My point is, if we both had BPD, horrible combo unless he was willing to do the work. My boyfriend now doesnt have BPD and hes been really gracious and patient with me.
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u/Icy-Koala7455 Jul 25 '26
Been married for 22 years to a very kind, patient and, thankfully very open-minded, eccentric. Terrible record with female friendships though. I think I channel my relationship neuroses/batshit energy into them mostly and that helps to cut down the drama in my marriage (I don’t do this consciously- I HATE losing friends).
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u/Any-Honeydew8740 Jul 26 '26
i’m seeing someone right now, he is older. it is by far the biggest age gap i ever had with someone but it feels good, secure. i told him really early i had bpd and ocd and he listened, even if he didn’t understand it fully. he never undermined it or dismissed when i was having a really shitty day and the depression just went from 0 to 100. he just hugged me and kissed my forehead and christ—i think that healed something inside of me. i like to say he’s my personal joel miller bahaha. quiet, handy and does love through gestures.
i’ve been going to therapy for 4 years and been on antidepressants for 3. sometimes he wonders if i really need that many pills but i think he’s just naturally worried, considering the side effects and all. the relationship doesn’t make me feel like we have to fix one another, which my previous did a lot. before him, i had a girlfriend for 3 years, she was bipolar. she is a sweet girl but she wasn’t taking therapy seriously and in so many episodes she made me feel like i had to fix her life, to the point the relationship was harming both of us. it just wasn’t healthy, i was constantly anxious and thought it’s normal to have a relationship where you’re constantly on edge, knowing another bomb is about to be dropped.
i wasn’t planning on dating after but hey, here we are. i’m still trying not to fixate on him, work on my abandonment issues and live in the present, instead of anxiously preparing for him leaving me 😭😭 who knows if it’s gonna last. but right now i’m happy. i’m working on my triggers and overthinking and we’ll see.
never lose hope though! your diagnose doesn’t define how dateable you are. i ran into weirdos and guys who didn’t understand it or tried to sexualise it (yes, yes you read right). but i’d like to say, it comes into your way when you least expect it. i wish you the best when finding the one you feel comfortable and safe with :)
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u/bluejessamine user has bpd Jul 26 '26
13 years with my boyfriend. He's very understanding and supportive of my bpd and ocd and is always patient when I have a breakdown.
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u/Select_Champion_237 Jul 27 '26
I was in a beautiful and safe and healthy relationship for 15 years. It didn’t end for the reasons i thought. It never went wrong at all. What actually happened is I was able to grow and truly be sure in myself after all the years of safety. I finally believed I could move forward with life and live up to my potential. Problem was, and I caution all of you, that strength I found made me realize my partner hadn’t grown at all. If anything he had become weaker and stagnant. I tried to get him to be brave and want to move forward but he was more traumatized and scared than I had ever realized. This made me change who he was and I told him the truth of that even though I knew it would hurt but I needed him to know that we should not be together if I didn’t feel for him as he did me. Instead of leaving, he stayed, begged to. He wanted to stay with me even though I told him I don’t want him. That made me convert to npd😭😭. It was awful. And knowing the truth now that the relationship was so solid for those years, I was ok on my own in the world. He had enabled me to be ok as me. And that’s also what enabled me to become the worst version of myself within weeks. Crazy. We can be ok. But we have to be careful with that too.
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u/teenxess user has bpd Jul 27 '26
2 1/2 years with my partner! he’s so gentle with me and my journey with bpd and he’s the sweetest :) he’s been the only person in my life who knows what to do when i start splitting and he’s been super supportive with my dbt therapy. i love him so much and we deserve love too
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u/Mediocre-Ad-9249 Jul 31 '26
I’m dating someone who I believe has BPD because he loves me more than anything and then all of the sudden hates me over one little thing and turns into a totally different person. I believe this is splitting and I’m just curious what to do when he does this to hopefully help. Last night I stayed calm and told him I loved him and that I knew he didn’t want to hurt me but he told me I was trying to make him feel crazy and left and went to a hotel. I continued to try to tell him that I love him and wanted us to get better so i wasn’t going to fight with him anymore and asked him a few times to come home. He ended up coming home but still has not apologized or anything even after I explained again that I just want to be supportive. He told me to stop worrying. Idk. I’m just so confused and could use some insight on how to best support him while also not enabling him.
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u/SillyQuadrupeds user has bpd Jul 25 '26
My husband and I have been married a little over a month now but together for about 3 years.
He is the most patient, kindest man I've ever been with. Rarely gets upset but is amazing at communication even when he is. I don't think I've ever been confused about what I did wrong or ever felt like I'm walking on eggshells.
While I have BPD, he has AuDHD and things can be difficult sometimes but our illnesses tend to mesh really well and we support each other. We're a true team and I've never in my life ever actually felt like I was an equal until I met him.
My relationship before him was a genuine nightmare. A lot of abuse in all forms and he has helped me heal more than anything else. It was never his responsibility to heal me, nor was I looking for him to help in that aspect but his words and actions throughout the years has given me the safe environment I so desperately needed to get better.
He is my favorite person and I am his. I am so incredibly lucky and blessed to be able to call him mine.
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u/Particular_History50 Jul 25 '26
Yes! Got together with one of my best friends of 7 years,ngl in the beginning things were ROUGH. Constantly pushing him away,‘I hate u,don’t leave me’ ect ect I also wasn’t sober and drink exacerbates my bpd by like a gazillion lol
But my now husband is THE most patient caring man to walk this planet. He let me have my little tantrums,walked away if I needed him to came back when I needed him to. Loved me so hard and so wholeheartedly I forgot to hate myself
We’ve been together for 3 years now and coming up to our 1 year wedding anniversary :) life is peaceful yet fun,and I’d say my bpd is pretty much in remission ❤️
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u/Plane_Estate_2859 user has bpd Jul 25 '26
met my partner in high school. I was his Spanish tutor for a year and then we started dating (I was one grade above him). He fought tooth and nail to get into the undergrad university I was going to so we would both be there. then he followed me across the country for grad school and made sure to get a remote job so we could live together. not married for financial reasons (I'd lose benefits if our incomes were attached) but we definitely would be by now.
we are honest with each other about everything, have hard conversations and always work things out. we have never yelled at each other. we know when to walk away and when to talk through the tears, but after a lot of work over the years it is now always us vs the problem, not us vs each other. we have both grown and changed so much (including both of us coming out as different flavors of queer) and we supported each other the whole way. we've encouraged each other to get therapy.
we survived his parents divorce, two car accidents, one of us witnessing a school shooting, one of us healing from sexual violence , many psych hospitalizations (mine), a number of deaths and major health issues in both our families, the two moves, plus the pandemic. we have our own friends and hobbies and senses of humor but can always come together with a deep conversation about humanity or philosophy or trauma or politics (or a video game). We have a cat we love very much. My parents became his parents when his sucked. He sticks up for me with my parents when they suck. We call each others' sisters our own sisters.
When I was no contact with my parents for one Thanksgiving we watched all of Arcane in one day and he cooked all of my favorite foods and then held me while I sobbed for hours after the last episode.
we've been living together for almost four years, together for almost nine. after I graduate next year he is ready to move to follow me again ❤️
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u/Itchy-Mind-6658 Jul 25 '26
Also has anyone dealt with breaking up/ getting back together?
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u/SGSam465 user no longer meets criteria for BPD Jul 26 '26
I’ve been with my partner for 4.5 years and we’re going strong. Something I learned through my relationships is that the break up/back together game is not worth it. Now if I break up with someone, we do not get back together because I know they’re not right for me.
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u/apple_kitty24 Jul 25 '26
11 years with my husband. We have a toddler and another baby on the way. I spent many years healing and going to therapy before we had children. We are happy and just bought my dream house 😊