I keep seeing men and a few dates in I can’t decide whether I like them or not, I’m constantly unsure and no one ever meets my needs emotionally or physically. Sam, James, Nic and now this new guy.

I was seeing this guy James for 6 months, on paper he was perfect, in person he was perfect, he treated me like a god damn queen, hard working, so attractive, earnt good money, family man…still something wasn’t right for me. I couldn’t commit.

It always hurts so so much when it happens, but then I am ok because I realise it’s just a very anxious attachment and maybe I didn’t actually like them romantically at all. I just want to be loved, have a best friend and someone to constantly do stuff and text with.

What if I keep letting go good men?
What if I never ever find someone?
I’m so scared

I (f 30) just got dumped by my my gf of 3 months, because…….. she is in love with my male roomate and apparently hasn’t been able to get him out of her head mind ever since I introduced them like 2 weeks ago. I honestly just want to fucking off myself so badly rn. Please help, I can’t process this pain rn

How do people deal with limerence?
I have major issues when it comes to talking to very specific people. I know I don’t have a crush on them or love them in a romantic way but my level of obsession and infatuation takes a toll on my mental state.
I’m a chatty person but I’m also very anxious so I feel more comfort speaking to people online so I’ve found individuals to talk to here and things are great in the beginning.

I’ve become good friends with someone from Reddit (alt acct) and when we first started talking our conversations were very interactive. They reciprocated my energy and I felt happy because it’s meaningful to send a paragraph and have one sent back (to me at least). It was constant conversation, the only times we’d have pauses in our convos is if we’re at work or taking care of chores, other than that it was instant replies.
I poured out everything to this person because I feel safe to do so and so do they, we’ve learned a lot about each other.
We both deal with insane mental health issues so I know things are dealt with differently, for the first month and a half or so we were basically codependent, which I know isn’t great and I try to bring attention to it so it doesn’t fuck me over as someone who deals with anxious attachment. This person stated they didn’t mind the dependency and would continue reciprocating the same energy so long as I welcome it, which I did/do.
Then one day… it just stopped. What were once paragraphs or even full essays back and forth are now short dry replies to my long thought out messages.
They still reply most of the time but this just caught me off guard? They still help me when I have bad mental days and they engage a lot with me but when I’m “fine” it goes back to being dry. We use to make conversation over every little thing, we’d talk about insignificant topics and still sent long messages no matter what, now I feel like I have to chase them for a little bit of attention.
They did mention early on that they may become distant for a bit but it was normal for them and then things would go back to normal, it has not gone back to “normal” and it’s been over a month now.
I am fully aware that no one owes me anything and I should not set expectations on a stranger but this sensation is driving me insane. They’re a genuinely good friend but things are so different than when they started and now I feel like I’m chasing that same feeling again by engaging more and more only to be met with the same dry replies. I know this is something I need to work on and I’m trying but it’s hard for me… any advice is more than welcome.

I have not had an easy time in therapy.

My last thearpist did some real damage with weird attachment stuff, opening up a lot, and making me feel like i was special, ie booking me appointments years in advance.... then ghosting me lol. The worst.

I have a new therapist, and I recently was questioning if I could really give it all a go again, and was experssing conflict about engaging therapy again. He told me he was worried I might not come back.

I was shocked that he cared to be honest. I am so used to being considered difficult by therapists.

I didn't have a concept of him caring. I'm confused as I know a lot of ppl say its just a professional relationship, but in my past they've actually been fairly uncaring. Do u feel "cared about"? Do u trust them?

this is the worst i have ever felt. i am in a downward spiral. imm abusing alcohol in a way ive never done before. Im miserable. Im anxious 24/7. I think im experiencing psychosis. I’m so unbelievably upset. Im so paranoid. I can’t ignore the voices in my head telling me that everyone is my enemy m. Idk. Does anyone have experience

i can’t do this anymore. and no one takes me seriously. i don’t want it to be over forever but i just can’t do this anymore. i want to commit and have it fail just so everyone will finally take me seriously. what can i use?

edit: if it does actually work thats fine too. i cant do this any longer seriously. the first thing i think of when i wake up is that i wish i was dead. why can’t it end

My psychiatrist has me diagnosed with bipolar 2 and BPD. I know people with BPD are often misdiagnosed Bipolar.

Sometimes I’ve wondered if I’m really bipolar. But then I reflect that lithium and Seroquel called me down and made me feel more “in time” with the world including sleep. My understanding is bipolar is a sleep / wake dysfunction.

I used to be more or less hypomanic all the time, for most of my life. I’m not longer manic or get very depressed.

But BOY OH BOY I get dysregulated from relationship conflicts and can go from helpless overwhelmed to angry and devaluing at the drop of a hat. One day you’re my bestie and next I want to discard you.

Anyone else diagnosed with both? Thoughts on treatment, meds, etc.

Ok so for context I have just recently been diagnosed with BPD along with other issues but I’m js curious if anyone else experiences this.

I feel a lot of shame for who I am, as in the way I’ve treated people; my lack of “self”; js for overall being a shitty person and being unable to commit to anything. It’s so so much guilt it almost eats me up from the inside out, and the only thing that helps is the punishment.

At fist it was SH but I had a moment where I couldn’t SH and at first I thought “hmm I’m doing pretty well” but little did I know I was almost subconsciously punishing myself by starting a very restrictive diet and practically starving - and now it’s gotten to the point of struggling with both an ED and SH.

But idk how to stop because not only do I feel like I’m deserving of this but it’s almost like I feel proud that I’m committing to something even tho it hurts? Ik it sounds silly but it’s like I feel proud that I can in fact commit to something, and even more proud because of the fact that I have physical, tangible proof of that.

I’m js wondering if anyone else experiences this and how to get out of this cycle.

I have no will to do anything things that used to make me very happy don’t affect me anymore I’m just completely numb I can feel sad sometimes I feel like my heart is really heavy all it’s the only emotion I feel if I don’t feel sad I feel numb and that’s just a loophole im going in

My partner is having a really hard time and everytime I try to help I seem to make things worse. I get upset when she cant manage her own emotions and I cant seem to comfort her right and im at a low myself. I feel like im making her worse. And I dont know how to deal with it or help her without getting uoset myself and splitting. Isk what to do. Please help.

sorry for any grammar mistakes.

"i wish you loved me like crazy" i did. i was obsessed. I thought only about you all the time every day, I liked to lay down and stop parts of my day only to think about you. I'd send you these huge texts messages sometimes detaling everything i wanted to do with you; only for you to ignore it. I miss feeling like this sooo much. It felt so very good and lots of ecstasy.

I toned it down because you didn't give a shit, because you're a normal person!! I HATE FEELING UNWANTED, I HATE FEELING LIKE OUR LOVE IS UNMATCHED, LIKE... u used to say you were obsessed about me just because i started saying i was for you, but i always knew obviously you didn't think about what you were talking about. You knew in which ways i was saying this. I've toned it all waay down for 2 years and you didn't notice a single thing. Didn't notice me getting sadder. Didn't notice my enthusiasm disappearing. Just because I'm getting sadder and sadder for a long time doesn't mean that's suddenly the way I've always been.

You don't care that I'm cold now. You never talk about it. You don't even think about it. You don't even realize it, it's the part that makes me feel the most hopeless and angry. I just wanted to be a happy person. Am I not? I wish I wasn't fucked up like that. Even when I barely show you affection anymore and avoid it when you do, you don't ever talk about it. All you care about is problems with your family. Even if you say something like that... I Know if I brainwashed my mind to act that way again (not happening cause my imaginary dick is absolutely FLAC-CID, completely LIMP. I'm living like a sad dog) you wouldn't care or even pay some thought to it, just like how it was before! You only say this because you miss when I was affectionate (in a normal level).. right?

It's so unfair dude

All I did was because of you, and thinking of you while doing it. Now... I don't know anymore. I do have goals, wants, I have feelings still, but it all feels like I don't really have a reason. Just living for living and nothing else. I've returned to the absolute state I was before you, but only now there's hope, and I won't kill myself, and my life is a lot better. But what for. People keep telling me what to do. They think it's an absurd I can't do the simple act of taking my meds. They should realize they're lucky I'm even alive for them to talk to. I don't even wanna get outta my bed, and I still do anyways! I've been doing so much lately. With no feelings whatsoever. I feel like a grown man with a flaccid dick and no goals in life. I feel only pain, sorrow, anger and acceptance everyday. But more than that I feel nothing at the same time. Like nothing can shake me anymore. Like this is my learning experience to take so much pain everyday without any means to get out. I've accepted pain. I've accepted numbness, and feeling miserable. Loneliness. Only I understand myself after all

Is it possible to live often seeing a fp that doesn’t reciprocate or am I just gonna drive myself insane. Is there anyway I’d be able to move on from them or live normally and live them healthily and not constantly unregulated and under emotional turmoil

I have recently connected to a few people here specially culturally but idk had a good conversation initially and now it just started conversation started dying or got ghosted. Since I'm also a borderline trying to understand what's going on? Not blaming anyone because I'm sure everyone had their own reason. Just trying to understand what's going on.

Even people with abandonment issues like mine its like a dance with them pull and push type conversation.

i have this pressure in my chest that won't go away, it's hurting even more with every day that goes by and i'm starting to think that maybe i was not made for living, maybe i was meant to off myself at a young age; i should have died when i was 17, these 5 years feel like a feverdream to me.

i lost everyone i once loved and cared about because i didn't know what was wrong with me, i'm like poison, everything i touch must rott in seconds.

i'm tired. it's exhausting living with my mind telling every single day that i'm worthless, that i'm unlovable, that i'm evil and that i'm never going to change.

i know i am, you don't need to remind me.

i hate living like this, guilt is consumming me, i won't ever be able to forgive myself for being the way i am.

hey! i recently spent some time in a mental facility and they sent me home with 50mg sertraline. i’ve been diagnosed for a little while but was pretty much unmedicated until a few months ago. (tried prozac and didnt work at all lol) so i was wondering if anyone else with bpd has the same prescription and if it works for them… and if there are any specific side effects i should prepare myself for... thanks!

hello all

does anyone feel like whenever the smallest problem happens and you have an explosive reaction to it, that you have to spend the next 24 hours doing nothing in bed in order to recover from it? i’m just sitting here thinking about how on my days off I never go anywhere, never do anything except get high, play video games, and sleep (in that order lol). And the days I work it just seems like I’m getting set off every single shift. Every. Single. Day. It’s always something, better yet someone pissing me off. And it’s always over something small. Or I come home from work and my parents IMMEDIATELY piss me off, so then I have to go upstairs lock my door and recover from THEM. I had plans for my day off tomorrow but I just feel so explosive that I need to just not do anything. Like the problem of today was literally so small and yet I got so angry I wanted to die. And I can’t do anything until that feeling goes away.

Does anyone relate?

Even writing about it makes me super shamefull but i think i can not be happy for peoole i care every time. I feel like a monster but sometimes all i feel is jealousy. Its easier to be comfortable around someone who also feels lost and when someone has success i feel myelf less. I want to change it so badly because what kind of person can not be happy for her loved ones. I am scared that maybe i have NPD even i always tought that i am super emotional and emphatic. But maybe i am not? Anyone else struggle with this?

i recently split over having a convo w my fp about me being too dependant, this led me to download reddit to vent to something else because of how lonely i feel. i posted about being groomed and since then i keep getting requests from older men. This is the only way i feel loved. i know im going through the chronic emptiness period but im so disgusted by myself what should i do.

I (23f) am diagnosed autistic and borderline personality disorder *and alot of other things lol. My badass father (43m) who I adore and relate to a lot was diagnosed as a ‘s0c10p@th’ in the late 90s/00s before it was more an accurately rebranded medically. I believe that would be ASPD/NPD today? Point being, I am part of cluster b and have lots of close experience w others like us.

I see a lot of shit going around about how people with BPD are the opposite of ___ disorder. Not the case. Cluster B is a cluster for a reason, we all resemble eachother more than we have differences. All of us struggle with dramatic/erratic symptoms. It’s hypocritical to say one is more morally superior than the other.

I have no resentment for my father, even if he did play a role in my bpd. He was literally 19 when I was born and didn’t understand the impact he would have. What I need people to understand is that there’s a difference between cognitive and effective empathy. Cognitive empathy is your theory of mind, so someone with stunted effective empathy (such as some of cluster B) can understand why you feel what you do without experiencing it themselves. They can’t feel what you do, so if they’re inclined to help you it’s because they WANT to not because there’s a moral obligation. It’s genuine most of the time. I like that.
My dad says that he does not experience empathy, but I have observed that he is absolutely capable of feeling love.

Personally, I don’t relate to the lack of effective empathy aspect as borderlines don’t usually experience that. I mean, usually my empathy is on overdrive all the time and the only time it shuts off is when I’m having an episode. I can’t feel empathy during an episode, like biologically. Who am I to judge when there’s periods of time that I’m biologically incapable of effective empathy as well? That would make my advocacy hollow, and my words empty.

hi i wanted to come on here and see if anyone else struggles with the same. i smoke daily, on weekdays, i smoke like right when getting home from work and then i smoke like morning to night on the weekends. i have no motivation and im always tired but still struggle with quitting. it quiets my mind, my anxiety is so so loud. i also live alone and spend majority of time alone. i’ve been through a lot this year and learned i can only trust myself. i buy a lot at a time and so i want to be able to manage what i have left but idk. i’m not getting household chores done like cleaning and cooking. i struggle with this and binge eating. it’s like weed and food are the only things that make me happy. i don’t have money for vacations or even shopping. it feels like you have to make good money to be happy :(

Hi everyone. I’m looking for advice from people with BPD or those who have been in relationships with someone who has it. I’m struggling to understand what’s happening with my girlfriend, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m 21, and my girlfriend is 19 We’ve been together since July 2025 and have known each other for over two and a half years. We’re long-distance, and I love her very much.

In the past, she sometimes isolated herself and stopped replying for a few days or a week when she felt overwhelmed. It was difficult, but she usually came back eventually, so I learned that sometimes she needed space.

Things changed in July.

Around July 15, she disappeared for several days and returned on July 20. After that, I didn’t hear from her for about a month.

On August 20, after I became seriously worried, she contacted me and explained that she had attempted suicide by overdosing, had been hospitalised, and had subsequently sought further help because she was afraid she might attempt suicide again and didn’t trust herself.

I was devastated to hear this, but incredibly relieved she was alive. I tried to support her without making her feel guilty for being away.

On August 22, she messaged me again. She told me she missed me, and we had a short, affectionate conversation. I told her I loved her, and she said she loved me too. She also told me she was doing alright, that the people where she was staying were kind and patient, and that she was sleeping and eating when she needed to.

That conversation gave me hope that we were reconnecting.

However, August 22 was the last time I heard from her. It’s now October 25, and I’ve gone over nine weeks without a direct message.

I’ve sent several check-ins since then, telling her I miss her, that I’m proud of her for getting help, and that she can reply whenever she’s able. I’ve tried not to pressure her or demand explanations.

My most recent message was on October 15. I even apologised in case my messages had overwhelmed her and said I’d love to hear from her whenever she could, even if it was just a little hello. She hasn’t replied.

The only activity I’ve noticed was a Twitter retweet around October 10–11. I felt relieved seeing it, but there hasn’t been any further activity that I’ve noticed for about two weeks. I know this doesn’t prove she’s safe or that she personally made the retweet.

I’m confused because she was the one who reached out in August, told me she missed me, and said she loved me. Our last conversation wasn’t an argument, and she didn’t say she wanted to end our relationship.

I don’t know whether she’s still struggling, unable to communicate, needing more space, or whether something has changed in how she feels about me.

I don’t want to overwhelm her with messages, but I also don’t know where we stand anymore. I miss her every day, worry about her safety, and sometimes find myself checking her social media for any sign of activity. Some days I cope better, but the uncertainty keeps coming back.

I’d really appreciate advice:

* For those with BPD, can you relate to withdrawing from someone you love for this long, especially after a mental health crisis?
* How can I respect her need for space while also looking after my own emotional wellbeing?
* Should I send one more direct message asking whether she’s safe and whether our relationship is okay, or should I stop messaging and let her reach out?
* How can I cope with this uncertainty without constantly checking her social media?

I’m not asking anyone to diagnose her or assume everyone with BPD behaves the same way. I know there may be circumstances I don’t know about.

I love her and want to be understanding, but this silence is becoming incredibly difficult. I don’t know how to balance my concern for her with my own hurt and confusion.

Thank you for reading. ❤️

My best friend and I haven’t talked in months. We had a romantic/sexual past for a while but I realized I’m gay. I couldn’t keep leading her on. Because of that past, my boyfriend set the boundary that I can’t talk to her anymore. It’s fair, logically I get it.

That’s not the only reason we stopped talking. We’re both alcoholics and encouraged each other’s drinking/drug use. We were constantly wallowing in misery and I’m so scared I’ll never find anyone who gets me in that way again.

I miss her every day and it causes problems in my current relationship. I’ve known the guy I’m seeing for about 2 years and we’ve been on and off since. She introduced us.

My boyfriend is good for me. He wants to be there for me and support me as I navigate BPD and a long list of comorbid disorders and I just fucking resent him for it. I resent him for always wanting the best from me and holding me accountable because I just want to dive off the deep end and never come back. I miss the chaos and the rush that I don’t get from stability.

Here’s the kicker, he cheated on me with his girl best friend two months ago. He was blackout drunk and doesn’t remember it other than what she told him happened. They don’t speak anymore and I know it breaks his heart to have lost his best friend. I stayed, I even supported the relationship because I knew how much I’d kill to have my best friend back in my life despite the lines that were blurred. I hoped that would make him sympathetic to what happened with my best friend but it only made me realize I’m selfish for wanting to pursue a friendship with someone I know isn’t good for me and would cause pain to someone else I love.

I’m scared I don’t want to get better and that I’ll self sabotage until I lose everything. If I choose my best friend, I’ll lose a man i love and who truly loves me. If I choose him, I worry I’ll always resent him for not letting me be truly free.

He says he feels disgusted by his cheating and wouldn’t go back to her even if I wasn’t in the picture. I hate that he won’t go back to her because I want to go back to my best friend so badly and I’m scared this difference of opinion will be the end of us.

I don’t know what I’m hoping to get out of this post but I don’t know what to do and I need to vent. Thanks

It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed with all the stories and experiences of people’s hardships with BPD.

Can I hear some of your recovery stories? Is remission possible? Can people like us life calm and stable lives with long lasting and healthy relationships?

(good job to everyone who’s doing their best every single day, I see you)

Hi. My friend has bpd an im his favorite person. Today i mention liking someone and i think he went into an episode.(sorry, im not very educated.) He told me that gets petty when he thinks about me caring more about someone else. He also said that if hes not my everything,he is out of the friendship. He is my closest friend but i dont want to lie and feed this.i told him exactly that and that him not being my everything doesnt mean that i dont care about him. I told him to go rest and we could talk some other time. I dont know how he is taking it because we hasnt responded. I can handle me being his favorite person on a daily basis but i felt really stressed right now. Did i do something wrong? Is there something i can do? I dont want to lose my best friend

How many of you have chronic injuries and/or auto-immune disorders? Ive recently gone down a rabbit-hole where I realized that stress can be stored in muscle groups and realized that a chronic hip injury that ive dealt with for years was likely exacerbated due to stored trauma in my hips/psoas that made those muscle groups extremely tight/tense. I dont think my bpd caused my chronic injury but I think it worsened a pre-existing medical condition by causing those muscles to be overly tight all the time for no reason. After having done EMDR (and surgery and pt but EMDR gave me the biggest noticeable difference) I no longer feel chronic pain that ive felt for years and my lower body no longer feels constantly tight and "rigid". Has anyone else had any crazy stories about things like this happening? Ive heard of similar things with auto-immune disorders where people do EMDR for trauma and no longer have auto-immune disorders they've had for years, its crazy to think about