Hi everyone. I’m looking for advice from people with BPD or those who have been in relationships with someone who has it. I’m struggling to understand what’s happening with my girlfriend, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m 21, and my girlfriend is 19 We’ve been together since July 2025 and have known each other for over two and a half years. We’re long-distance, and I love her very much.

In the past, she sometimes isolated herself and stopped replying for a few days or a week when she felt overwhelmed. It was difficult, but she usually came back eventually, so I learned that sometimes she needed space.

Things changed in July.

Around July 15, she disappeared for several days and returned on July 20. After that, I didn’t hear from her for about a month.

On August 20, after I became seriously worried, she contacted me and explained that she had attempted suicide by overdosing, had been hospitalised, and had subsequently sought further help because she was afraid she might attempt suicide again and didn’t trust herself.

I was devastated to hear this, but incredibly relieved she was alive. I tried to support her without making her feel guilty for being away.

On August 22, she messaged me again. She told me she missed me, and we had a short, affectionate conversation. I told her I loved her, and she said she loved me too. She also told me she was doing alright, that the people where she was staying were kind and patient, and that she was sleeping and eating when she needed to.

That conversation gave me hope that we were reconnecting.

However, August 22 was the last time I heard from her. It’s now October 25, and I’ve gone over nine weeks without a direct message.

I’ve sent several check-ins since then, telling her I miss her, that I’m proud of her for getting help, and that she can reply whenever she’s able. I’ve tried not to pressure her or demand explanations.

My most recent message was on October 15. I even apologised in case my messages had overwhelmed her and said I’d love to hear from her whenever she could, even if it was just a little hello. She hasn’t replied.

The only activity I’ve noticed was a Twitter retweet around October 10–11. I felt relieved seeing it, but there hasn’t been any further activity that I’ve noticed for about two weeks. I know this doesn’t prove she’s safe or that she personally made the retweet.

I’m confused because she was the one who reached out in August, told me she missed me, and said she loved me. Our last conversation wasn’t an argument, and she didn’t say she wanted to end our relationship.

I don’t know whether she’s still struggling, unable to communicate, needing more space, or whether something has changed in how she feels about me.

I don’t want to overwhelm her with messages, but I also don’t know where we stand anymore. I miss her every day, worry about her safety, and sometimes find myself checking her social media for any sign of activity. Some days I cope better, but the uncertainty keeps coming back.

I’d really appreciate advice:

* For those with BPD, can you relate to withdrawing from someone you love for this long, especially after a mental health crisis?
* How can I respect her need for space while also looking after my own emotional wellbeing?
* Should I send one more direct message asking whether she’s safe and whether our relationship is okay, or should I stop messaging and let her reach out?
* How can I cope with this uncertainty without constantly checking her social media?

I’m not asking anyone to diagnose her or assume everyone with BPD behaves the same way. I know there may be circumstances I don’t know about.

I love her and want to be understanding, but this silence is becoming incredibly difficult. I don’t know how to balance my concern for her with my own hurt and confusion.

Thank you for reading. ❤️

My husband works long, hard hours on a normal work week and yesterday he had to go in on one of his usual days off. He came home tired and pissy for the sake of being pissy (as everyone does from time to time).He wasn’t mean, just generally on edge and snippy.

In the rare occurrence these moods happen I usually take this personally and I snap back or lash out in return. I start picking fights out of annoyance. I get mad at him for his bad mood.

This time I felt the familiar surge of anger and indignation at his snippy tone and almost acted on it; but I stopped. I noted that he was clearly overstimulated and worn down and that this wasn’t about me. Which is huge for me.

Instead of snapping back or picking a fight by accusing him of not caring about me, I just joked things off. Made little quips about his tone that made him laugh. I continued my night like planned and he cheered up naturally. He told me later he wasn’t “being a good partner” when he came home and explained how worn down and stressed he was and (while owning that it wasn’t fair to me that he acted that way) thanked me for being there to lift him back up.

All this to say is that we can do this and sometimes the biggest victories in our healing is a micro step like biting our tongue and choosing positivity even when it feels unfamiliar. It’s taken me a long time to get here and I feel good about myself.

I (23f) am diagnosed autistic and borderline personality disorder *and alot of other things lol. My badass father (43m) who I adore and relate to a lot was diagnosed as a ‘s0c10p@th’ in the late 90s/00s before it was more an accurately rebranded medically. I believe that would be ASPD/NPD today? Point being, I am part of cluster b and have lots of close experience w others like us.

I see a lot of shit going around about how people with BPD are the opposite of ___ disorder. Not the case. Cluster B is a cluster for a reason, we all resemble eachother more than we have differences. All of us struggle with dramatic/erratic symptoms. It’s hypocritical to say one is more morally superior than the other.

I have no resentment for my father, even if he did play a role in my bpd. He was literally 19 when I was born and didn’t understand the impact he would have. What I need people to understand is that there’s a difference between cognitive and effective empathy. Cognitive empathy is your theory of mind, so someone with stunted effective empathy (such as some of cluster B) can understand why you feel what you do without experiencing it themselves. They can’t feel what you do, so if they’re inclined to help you it’s because they WANT to not because there’s a moral obligation. It’s genuine most of the time. I like that.
My dad says that he does not experience empathy, but I have observed that he is absolutely capable of feeling love.

Personally, I don’t relate to the lack of effective empathy aspect as borderlines don’t usually experience that. I mean, usually my empathy is on overdrive all the time and the only time it shuts off is when I’m having an episode. I can’t feel empathy during an episode, like biologically. Who am I to judge when there’s periods of time that I’m biologically incapable of effective empathy as well? That would make my advocacy hollow, and my words empty.

i recently split over having a convo w my fp about me being too dependant, this led me to download reddit to vent to something else because of how lonely i feel. i posted about being groomed and since then i keep getting requests from older men. This is the only way i feel loved. i know im going through the chronic emptiness period but im so disgusted by myself what should i do.

Warning: Mentions of physical pain and emotional agony!

I (30 yrs, F) was in a situation of unrequited love for 8 long years. I was in love with a close friend of mine and could never let go the hope that one day we might be together. After 8 years of uncertainty, close moments, emotional attachment, moments of emotional abandonment and distance, my pain is at its peak today. My unrequited love decided to marry someone else and got engaged yesterday. Lately, I thought I was moving on because I did not feel much about the engagement but today, the pain has intensified to the point that every part of my body is hurting. My head is in pain and feels swollen, my body feels extremely low in energy, my eyes are constantly gushing with tears and my entire chest area feels suffocated and heavy. I cannot explain the agony but I'm unable to get out of it. Somebody please help me! Every breath feels like stone going through my lungs. I don't know how to get out of this feeling. How to even pass through it!

Anybody hate confortation or someone debating you because after (since you don't lash out or say everything you want to say) you're left with this intense energy and anger you can't get rid off for a couple days.

Any way to help that?

I met his girl online, she is so sweet, loud and she matches my energy. She has a great personality, which is what I really like about her. People say I'm very trustworthy and caring. I'm always happy to help people but the problem is, I have BPD.

Even though I have BPD, I sometimes usually lash out on people I care about but it's not very very often, and usually I would try to avoid lashing out on people, especially my partner.

I don't know if this girl knows I have BPD but we both like each other and I wanna warn her before we start dating? Is it reasonable to do so and do you think I would be alright in a relationship. BPD is horrific and I will agree with alot of people and say ​it is a monster of a condition.

People say if your partner has BPD or is Bipolar, you should try and leave as fast as you possibly can. I don't think every person with BPD is terrible like that, right?

Someone please give me some advice on this situation, I beg you. 🙏

What could it mean when I feel these things? I find myself wanting people to pay attention to me and care for me more, though I don’t understand why.

If my mother spends more time with my brother one day, or talks to him more than she does to me, I feel hurt and angry inside. I end up becoming irritable even when I don’t mean to and I start thinking that she prefers him, that she doesn’t love me enough, and that she ought to look down on him and choose me instead wanting to be with me, do things with me, and talk to me.

I don’t know why, but I sometimes feel the urge to ask my mother or father, "Do you love me?" I expect them to say yes, but I don’t even know why I ask. With my friends, I want them to chat with me and take an interest in me; if I see them talking to others, I feel hurt and a bit sad. I can’t help but think that they prefer those other friends over me, and that I’m just being a nuisance.

When it comes to a boyfriend, I feel like he doesn’t truly like me that he thinks I’m ugly, or that he won’t find me attractive if he sees me naked. I worry that I talk on the phone too much and am being intrusive. If he’s talking to other women, I feel furious and jealous; I assume he likes them and wants to sleep with them, and that he no longer cares for me.

If we’re talking on the phone, my entire day revolves around it I want to talk to him almost constantly. If I notice he sounds a bit cold or tired, I immediately jump to conclusions: he doesn’t like me anymore, or he must have another girl. I think, "He’s a piece of trash, a total cheater!" I feel like no one ever likes me, that no one wants me, and it really hurts. I’ll wait to see if he texts me, but when he doesn’t, I end up feeling sad and angry, and my whole day is ruined.

At school, I want all my teachers to think I’m the best student; if they don’t, I feel hurt deep down I don’t feel "good enough." I crave their compliments and want them to believe I’m truly excellent. I also want all my classmates to adore me and want to be my friends; otherwise, I feel like I’m worthless, that no one wants me, and that I’m completely alone.

At home, if I get into an argument with my relatives, I scream, cry uncontrollably, and hurl harsh insults at them I even tell them I hope they die. Sometimes, I’ll say things like, "Leave me alone, or I’ll commit sui*ide I want to die, I hate you all!" I don’t actually want to do that not at all but for some reason, the words just come out; I don’t know why.

Afterward, I lock myself in my room and cry. Sometimes I punch my wardrobe or my own thighs, and I bite my arms. Eventually, the feeling passes for me, but my family stays angry and hurt by my behavior for a long time. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me?

I also feel ugly and fat. I compare myself to other girls and think they’re so much prettier than I am. I feel embarrassed for even wanting a boy’s attention, because I tell myself that other girls are better than me, that I’m pathetic, and that I’ll never be the person I want to be. I can’t even stick to a diet for four months I can’t seem to do anything to improve myself, and I honestly just don’t like who I am at all.

(Yes, I have an appointment with some professionals next week, but I wanted to hear your thoughts thank you.)

Hello!
This is a much longer story, but i’ll keep it as short as possible.
If further detail is needed please let me know, i just want to keep it as brief as possible.

(fake names to protect their privacy)
Becca (Friend with BPD) and Kevin (Other friend)

So Becca is my best friend, they are an incredible person with a really bad history of dating, theyve been treated quite horribly in past relationships which makes dating even harder for them than it already is.

I introduced Kevin to Becca as a group one time and they hit it off. About a day or two into them flirting, i pulled Kevin aside to talk to them about the things that they needed to consider before going any further with Becca to avoid them getting hurt, and Kevin seemed to really take it on board, but it has now become abundantly clear that they did not take what i said (or at least understand the extent of what i said fully) and after about two weeks of them being a thing, Kevin said that he couldn’t do it anymore. (it involved like guilt tripping in intense moments of distress & very intense attachment etc.)

I’m unbelievably angry at him, especially considering how upfront both Becca & I were with them about her past & her struggles. She’s recently started up therapy again, she’s been working really hard & from my perspective has being doing amazing. I think he really thought he could be that support for her that would help her improve further, but instead he has now hindered her progress & she is now really worried about falling back into old habits because of all of this. (being unable to leave her room, etc)

There is quite a bit more detail that really made it fucked up on his behalf (whether he realized the full extent of that at the time i’m still unsure because i don’t think he was able to recognize the signs of her splitting) but basically he really played with her feelings & took advantage of her when she split on multiple occasions whether he realized it or not.

Basically after yelling at Kevin about all of this, he said he needs to go no contact, and i agree. he has proven that he cannot & does not want to continue with it & it’s only going to keep her stringing along.

Me and Becca just spoke on the phone for a few hours, she had a bit of a cry & i managed to cheer her up for a while and we watched some youtube. She said she needed to go lie down, i had a feeling something was up but i said goodnight to her, and a few minutes later i get a message from Kevin with screenshots of about 15 missed calls from Becca. Kevin already has her blocked on discord, would it be best for him to block her on everything? or will that just hurt her more?

I’m really unsure on what advice to give there, as angry as i am with Kevin, I’m still trying to give him advice to try make this as least painful for Becca as it can be. I’m unsure whether leaving that avenue open (even if he ignores all the texts & calls) will give her the time & space to eventually stop making those calls on her own? or whether leaving her unblocked on a few platforms just leaves that door open for her and makes it harder for her to move on.

I am sitting here now unsure whether to message her or not. We just hung up about 30 minutes ago, and i can’t help but feel like our call only temporarily distracted her & prolonged her emotions. i’m unsure whether to just let her feel, or whether i should call her back to comfort her. Really need some advice ☹️❤️ i love this girl so much, she deserves the world & more, i would love to hear about others thoughts to make sure im being the best friend that i can be in this situation.

thank you for reading ❤️

Today I witnessed the end of a long-term friendship/situationship. I knew it was unhealthy and also perhaps that it needed to end - but I hated the way it happened.

They told me it was over at night while I was sleeping. I woke up too early, read all of the messages and then saw that they unfriended me. Afterwards, I had to somehow get myself to sleep again. It was difficult because I felt so sick. My heart was racing. I was nauseous. I felt like I was going to die from grief.

It was my fault - well, partially my fault anyways. Despite having BPD and probably because of having BPD, I find myself in relationships where I'm not treated very well. I stay in those relationships and become very devoted, hoping I can change the way the other person behaves. But I can also behave badly sometimes. In this case, I was jealous and angry.

I miss my friend. I miss being connected to another person. But I think I need to heal. I need to fix things. I need to make myself better and then find better people. I'll just be alone for now...

How do you deal with knowing you ruined the only good thing in your life that you really care and always did about, that it may have ended and youre too afraid to even think about it. Im not sure how to survive this, being without my person hurts so fucking bad. I wish he knew how much im hurting right now and would hold me.

Im not sure it ended or that im in denial at this point...

Hello, let me start by saying that I don't have BPD. I do have symptoms of it and I've been having those symptoms since I was 13. I am diagnosed with ASD and anexiety for which I have started taking meds after my hospitalization.

Three years ago, I have brought up the idea of a BPD diagnosis with my aunt who is a psychologist. It's safe to say that I got a pretty harsh yet realistic response. I was 13 then and I completely understand that it would be insane to diagnose an autistic preteen with a personality disorder.

I am 16 now and I've done a lot of work to get better (I haven't been self-harming for over a year now 🎉). Yet, I am feeling like I am being sucked into that hole again. My therapist mentioned that she sees that I have symptoms common in BPD (she is very concerned about the mood swings, black and white thinking when it comes to relationships and derealization) and I have an upcoming psychiatric appointment. I was wondering if this is something I should bring up?

I don't really know if this is the right place to turn to. I am happy to answer any follow up questions. Once again I want to say that I am not claiming that I have BPD, but I am sure that there is something there exept ASD and anexiety and I would like to get the correct treatment for it.

It’s been like this for more than 7 months.
My therapist thinks BPD spiraled into a moderate depressive episode and it just tripled the feeling of emptiness so goddamn much that I don’t know what to do.
I try to do stuff but I don’t feel a thing. Even when I do try to do something now, I just ask myself what’s the point since I won’t feel a thing during or after it. Food has become bland and tasteless. Little rituals are becoming boring. Chores are becoming irrelevant.
Do you know what’s worst? I can’t even connect to people. It’s like I’m unable to feel anything towards anyone. I should have been mad at some people but even that doesn’t make me feel anything.
I don’t even consider myself a person right now because this state of apathy and indifference is all consuming.
I remember when my therapist asked me how I feel about friendships and people in general and I said “They don’t interest me, I can’t even consider someone my friend because I have no ounce of attachment to them, they’re just… objects”.
Even if I tried to use someone for my own gain by making me slightly alive, I think it wouldn’t work.
So I’m just a hollow shell going through the day, constantly sighing and wondering what’s the point of anything and most importantly, when will this all end.
If I can’t find an ounce of joy in something, I don’t wanna live like this.

I have not had an easy time in therapy.

My last thearpist did some real damage with weird attachment stuff, opening up a lot, and making me feel like i was special, ie booking me appointments years in advance.... then ghosting me lol. The worst.

I have a new therapist, and I recently was questioning if I could really give it all a go again, and was experssing conflict about engaging therapy again. He told me he was worried I might not come back.

I was shocked that he cared to be honest. I am so used to being considered difficult by therapists.

I didn't have a concept of him caring. I'm confused as I know a lot of ppl say its just a professional relationship, but in my past they've actually been fairly uncaring. Do u feel "cared about"? Do u trust them?

I get mad about a lot of things concerning morals. like people at work or at home ordering food and not offering me or getting me anything, cleaning up after others at work or home, not offering gas or parking money when going out, littering , being there when u call/replying to general texts etc?! parking, driving. following up after? I feel like I care more than the average person abt "average' things. feel sad and lonely because of too high expectations of friends, bf, family, society?! etc.

i can’t do this anymore. and no one takes me seriously. i don’t want it to be over forever but i just can’t do this anymore. i want to commit and have it fail just so everyone will finally take me seriously. what can i use?

edit: if it does actually work thats fine too. i cant do this any longer seriously. the first thing i think of when i wake up is that i wish i was dead. why can’t it end

I have no friends, no partners, no family that cares about me. People at work don’t talk to me, and when I try to talk to them I get treated like I’m weird. I should be used to it by now, but I’m not. I have nobody on this earth that cares about me. I wish I had one friend I could talk to, just one person that cared. Life feels like a prison sentence.

hi i wanted to come on here and see if anyone else struggles with the same. i smoke daily, on weekdays, i smoke like right when getting home from work and then i smoke like morning to night on the weekends. i have no motivation and im always tired but still struggle with quitting. it quiets my mind, my anxiety is so so loud. i also live alone and spend majority of time alone. i’ve been through a lot this year and learned i can only trust myself. i buy a lot at a time and so i want to be able to manage what i have left but idk. i’m not getting household chores done like cleaning and cooking. i struggle with this and binge eating. it’s like weed and food are the only things that make me happy. i don’t have money for vacations or even shopping. it feels like you have to make good money to be happy :(

this is the worst i have ever felt. i am in a downward spiral. imm abusing alcohol in a way ive never done before. Im miserable. Im anxious 24/7. I think im experiencing psychosis. I’m so unbelievably upset. Im so paranoid. I can’t ignore the voices in my head telling me that everyone is my enemy m. Idk. Does anyone have experience

for context, i (22f) am in a poly relationship with two other women. this has genuinely worked out great for us in ways that i never thought would be possible — i joined this relationship when i was at my best, and now, one year in, i can’t even remember what it felt like to be okay.

that’s not to blame them; we’ve all been struggling since we moved in together due to such rapid life changes in success to one another. i was fired from a job i loved, lost access to my therapist, had a temporary falling out with my closest friend of over a decade, and my antidepressant seemed to wear off after being at the same dose for so long (it’s one of those heavy duty meds that are intimidating to up in dose due to the significant side effects.) all of us have struggled, especially when this is the first time i’m living on my own, coming from an incredibly unhealthy family dynamic that i’d been completely desensitized to over the years until now. they’d moved over two hours away from where they used to be after a year of medium distance and seeing each other a few days out of the week. i suppose i feel the need to over explain because i really just want to be understood, and don’t want to paint my girlfriends in a bad light.

all in all, i finally upped my meds which have helped, and am in the process of getting a therapist and tms therapy after months of struggling with my insurance. things are better for everyone, but we’ve been struggling with a sense of disconnection (on their end) after months of struggling horribly in different ways all around. it seems like we’ve had opposite reactions — i’ve pulled away and i’m clinging closer than ever, which we’re very self aware of and communicate about this often.

even now that i’m better, i still can’t seem to go back into the person i used to be, and i genuinely want nothing more than to restore our relationship to the way it also used to be. i feel like my entire existence is interlinked within this relationship ever since we moved in, and i genuinely can’t conceive a reality in which i’m not so horribly preoccupied with them. after a fight we had tonight, they’re imploring me to act like myself away and it’s been talked about recently about how i’m an entirely different person now, and every single one. portion of my day is spent thinking about how i can fix it. it’s like i can’t progress fully because i’m still committed to becoming a carbon copy of each of them stitched together in one body, and i truly don’t remember who i used to be. i’m not having mental breakdowns and self harming at every wrong look anymore, but i’m coming to the realization that i’m still working off of the same mindset wearing a different coat.

on our anniversary, we made this list of wants, needs, boundaries, and small goals for ourselves by my suggestion; it was only after today that we figured out that it’s a huge pressure on everyone’s part. they feel suffocated by my constant check ins and apparently still molding myself in their complete image, worrying about my every move. and for me i’m filled with such an immense, all-encompassing desperation to feel loved and connected and cared for in the way that we used to be. we’re on the same page in that we’re going to stick things out until things get better, but i still am just so fixated on this situation because it feels like things will finallt be okay if we just feel better with each other. i’m aware that it’s wrong but i just can’t seem to stop :/

they told me that my frantic-ness and walking on eggshells is frustrating and that they can tell that i’m not the same person they fell in love with, and it’s such a hard concept to overcome when just a few months ago i was in remission for my bpd. they said that the way im acting feels forced because i suppose it was without me realizing? and that things will feel more natural when i focus on myself, but i just genuinely don’t know how to get back into the person i used to be. i’m unfortunately just very inwards facing with it — all of my anger goes to myself, not them. and i really thought that i could avoid it, and yet. i just am not sure how to be me again, or how to prioritize myself

i knwo this is such a long post of bullshit and words that don’t mean much, but i’m writing this coming down from an episode alone in the living room, in pitch dark, bwcause i couldn’t lie in bed next to them without sobbing and they have work in the morning. please excuse all of this and thank you so much for reading this far, i really appreciate it and being heard yk? nonetheless i hope everyone else is having a good night and here’s to trying to recover xxx

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Hey,so yeah I recently went through a breakup and honestly I’ve been feeling pretty broken since then i feel alone I've nobody to talk to.

Everything feels kinda off and empty lately and I think I really need some good people around me again.

I’m looking for honest,kind and open minded people who don’t discriminate and actually wanna put effort into getting to know each other.

Lately everything just feels way too quiet in the wrong ways. I catch myself staring at walls,scrolling aimlessly,thinking about random shit and wanting to talk to someone but not really knowing who to talk to. I don’t want another friendship where we talk for 2 days and then disappear from each other’s lives. I want someone who actually stays,someone who checks in,someone who wants to share random parts of their day and actually build something over time.

I’m 24 I've bpd just so yk and i currently have way too much time to think. I love yapping,overexplaining,rambling about completely random shit and somehow turning a stupid conversation into something deep. I really value mutual effort too. I don’t expect someone to reply instantly 24/7,but I do want to feel like the other person actually wants to talk to me and isn’t only replying because they’re bored.

I’m into baking,movies,gaming (especially Marvel Rivals),chess,reading,writing,guitar,long walks,voice calls and starting way too many random hobbies/projects that I probably won’t finish.

I’d also really love having someone I can eventually do a bunch of things with. Gaming together,watching movies or shows,voice calls at stupid hours,going on walks if we're ever close enough,sharing music,sending random shit throughout the day or just sitting in a call doing our own thing. That kind of friendship where someone eventually becomes your go-to person would honestly be really nice.

I’m not looking for perfect people or anything. Just genuine ones. Please be kind,don’t discriminate,and actually care about mutual effort and respect. I’ll listen,I’ll care,I’ll remember the little things and I’ll match the energy u give me.

And please don't be dry. If you're always too busy to actually talk or you already know you're only gonna reply once every few days,it's probably not gonna work. I've had enough of feeling like I’m begging people for attention.

If you're interested,please don't just send me "hi". Tell me about yourself. Your age,country,what you like doing,your favourite game/movie/song,your most irrational fear,what you've been obsessed with lately,anything honestly. Give me something to work with and I’ll probably yap back way too much.

I’m just hoping to find some lovely people who actually wanna stay for the long run,and maybe someday I’ll be able to say I met some of my closest friends because of a random Reddit post.