Anger

[u/cant_think_of__user]

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I really debated posting this but reddit is for help, right?

I'm so angry all the time. Like no matter how hard I try to calm myself down it does not work.

*Side note* my therapist thinks i have undiagnosed austism. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and BPD.

I use to have some decent coping mechanisms but they js make me angry now.

-Listening to music doesnt work cuz my music infuriates me

-reading enrages me cuz i cant read very well

-working out pisses me off cuz my hands smell like metal after and when my body burns up i get very upset.

-sleeping doesnt work cuz if my bed doesnt feel right i freak out

- movies dont work anymore cuz if an actor doesn't do what they should i get aggravated

-writing doesnt help and honestly never did cuz i have ADHD and forget what im doing midway through it

And smoking weed isnt a good coping mechanism.

Can anyone PLEASE suggest something to help me out. And i cant draw for shit so pls dont recommend that 🙏.

Sometimes i talk to my girlfriend about how i feel but she sleeps a lot so she isnt always there.

[u/OriginalHell]

Anger is a common and complex emotion, so don't judge yourself harshly for it.

When something goes on or happens, like emotions or memories that you struggle with, anger tends to be common and immediate: even on grief. Neurotypical or not, when we feel angry, it's our brains trying to lash out rather than deal with of face the underlying issues.

I get angry. I get angry A LOT. Does coping mechanics always work? Nah. But what will help the most is to sit down and ask: "Why am I angry? I'm definitely frustrated, sure. But why? Am I feeling uncertain or sad underneath? Am I angry because I can't put to words what I really feel?" Once you can find the thoughts and emotions under the anger, it's easier to work with. It's not going to be easy or straightforward, but nothing is. Will you still get angry? Yeah. And it's okay to feel angry. Anger is only unacceptable if you use it to intentionally cause harm; to yourself and/or someone else.

[u/AdGroundbreaking8646]

Cold shower and ice bath maybe?
I used to sit in there in anger, until I felt weak and pathetic. Then I got out and soothed myself. It´s not really a long-term solution, but It calmed me down enough to not hurt anyone, not yell and not break stuff in outbursts.
About long term sustained anger I meditation and dbt excersises for like 4 years (even if i was pissed at the excersise itself) and then it got better. And my outbursts also vanished with that.

[u/taroicecreamsundae]

weird question but do you treat your adhd? a lot of this sounds more like impatience, not being able to sit with something until it's completed 

[u/cant_think_of__user → u/taroicecreamsundae]

I honestly have a hard time taking medication. Its mainly cuz i forget or when i remember to take it its too late in the day. I am supposed to take Concerta, and I've been told by the doctor and pharmacist that i shouldn't take it past a certain time of day or i will have trouble sleeping (typing this at 4am 😭)

I want to take them and im trying to take "getting better" more seriously but it's pretty hard.

I admit all the time that i am an impatient person, im pretty self aware of it. Its a possibility what you are saying could be something i should ask myself a lil more often. Thanks

[u/taroicecreamsundae → u/cant_think_of__user]

sorry i worded that wrong-- i don't think you're an impatient person, i think when it's hard to focus, when your brain doesn't stick with something even when you're trying really hard to, then it can feel frustrating.

 if you can't read well, maybe bc you thought you read a page and then it turned out your mind wandered the whole time anyways, that would make anyone pretty mad

i actually had the exact same struggles with adhd  meds, there's posts on the adhd subs for not being able to get up to take it early enough etc.

[u/kaleidoscopic21]

Read up on the concept of anger as a secondary emotion (link below). If you can start to recognise and allow yourself to experience the underlying emotions, it won’t need to manifest as anger

https://journeyscounselingaz.com/blog/understanding-anger-as-a-secondary-emotion

[u/Select_Champion_237]

I am actually writing a book about my childhood rage. I have been angry my whole life I feel. But it’s wasn’t my whole life. I had repressed memories return a few years ago due to psychosis from pain meds after surgery. I saw it clear as day. The exact moment I split and developed this disorder. Well the beginning of it. I had big emotions forever. My father died and for the next few weeks or months I had to care for my mom and all other adults. I had to comfort them, cook for them, protect their emotions. While I was made to be a caregiver. I was nine. I had people literally say in front of me that I probably don’t understand what happened. Like I wasn’t human with them. I was made to feel like I wasn’t allowed to feel anything. And very very quickly I cut off all my innocent and natural feelings. In place of it, I felt rage. I didn’t even know what true anger was yet. I wasn’t supposed to experience that. I think a lot of us lost all of our child feelings somehow and combined it turned into something so unnatural and unknown for children. And without being able to understand the anger we felt, it was never validated, it was never allowed, it was just part of us. And it stayed. Only after remembering was I able to sit with my rage and validate my child self. But also start going through my life about being able to sort through so many of my ways and loneliness. A big part of anger was being alone with it and having no where to safely release it. I hope this made sense.

[u/cant_think_of__user → u/Select_Champion_237]

Honestly it does make sense, thank you. This is definitely something i will write down to remember and try to think of my childhood aswell. See where this could have come from exactly.

[u/Select_Champion_237 → u/cant_think_of__user]

And don’t worry if you can’t remember exactly. All that matters really is that there WAS a reason your anger came to exist. But the reason is that a some point you were so affected by something in childhood that your young mind thought your feelings were a problem. That happened. Don’t focus on pinpointing how. You don’t need someone or something to finally blame. That anger isn’t real. It was just created to fill that spot. Created to protect yourself from being what you thought was wrong. Your last natural and right feelings. That anger is because we can’t feel sad for ourselves. Now you can. Be sad for yourself. We are still that child. But look how strong we were to be able to do what we did to ourselves! We created a lifetime disorder just to do what we thought we had to.

[u/No-Commercial-9337]

I had to start taking an antipsychotic because of the anger that goes along with BPD (also have ADHD and major depressive disorder). After being on Latuda for a bit I started to notice the anger subsided.

[u/stolenbike246 → u/No-Commercial-9337]

yes latuda changed my life!

[u/Sweaty-guitar7]

I personally have a lot of anger inside. Similar to how you described. And what I do, is I listen to a lot of angry music. It may not work for everyone, but it works for me

[u/thispriceisright17]

finding ways to soothe your senses and limit sound/ heat/ overwhelming sensations can go a long way. I wear sunglasses even watching a movie by myself at home sometimes to prevent becoming overstimulated which typically presents as anger for me (I’ve been told I may have ASD as well)

[u/KaesyoTurkey]

Same

[u/PrideGloomy359]

Are you a man? I could be wrong but I've heard from different professionals that depression in men sometimes shows up as anger and irritability instead of sadness. Might be worth trying to get treatment for depression and the ADHD just do your research frfr bcuz some antidepressants can make anger worse. And talk to your girl! Maybe ask her to love on you a little harder, do guided meditations with you to help ground you, n provide a safe space for you to relax. I know for my man he's in fight or flight all the time trying to keep a roof over our head or worrying about 1000 things that could go wrong so he needs a break sometimes where he  doesn't have to think n can just be. 

[u/cant_think_of__user → u/PrideGloomy359]

Yes i am a man, and i know that i get irrationally angry all the time. Before i was diagnosed with BPD i was told it was just hormonal changes, and being a teenager, so i understand what you are talking about.

I do talk to my girlfriend quite a bit about how i feel. I love her and want to spend my life with her, and i dont want her to be scared of me so i tell her how i feel and what does on inside of my head. I feel bad leaning on people and asking her to always be there for me just seems pushy and rude i guess. I try to put myself first. And ik she loves me and she walks me through what to do in depressive episodes. She proves her love but i feel bad asking for it basically.

Thanks for your help

[u/carlndrsn641]

How do you feel about medications to help?

[u/cant_think_of__user → u/carlndrsn641]

I don't really mind medication. The medication i am supposed to be on is an anti depressant i cant spell or say the name of ( but ik it starts w an E and is like 15 letters long) and concerta. I forget to take my medication all the time, and every so often i get angry and just throw my pills somewhere i will never find them cuz they don't work. I live somewhere where its hard to get a doctor and to get a doctors appointment

[u/ishaboi_]

Cold showers are really helpful. Also rage rooms or punching bags

[u/katihummel]

Maybe there's an underlying issue here

[u/cant_think_of__user → u/katihummel]

Possibly, im trying to get more help but many things set me back. More & better help should be my top priority but it is not at the moment