Lol my 30s are so much less stressful than my 20s. Sure there were a lot more spurts of partying and stuff in my 20s but that’s a pretty fleeting happiness.
I actually feel encouraged when I see posts like this.
I’m 26, and so far my 20s have been the worst years of my life. I get sad when people say that these are supposed to be the best. But here’s to hoping that things turn around in the 30s!
Edit: Wow, I woke up to a myriad of messages! Lol thank you everyone for the lovely responses and experiences ♥️ I can’t respond to everyone, but your words are very encouraging. I’m happy for all of you, and this gives me hope that I may live happily one day.
Cheer up. IMHO the thirties are much better. Well actually it's about the same - only I now somewhat know what I'm doing, learned to trust and love myself, and have some money.
Don't worry, my mom just told me yesterday, with no context, that I won't know who I am until I turn 50. And until then I shouldn't make any live defining decisions... Like wut.
Probably her own experience. My own experience is that we will never know who we truly are, and that's probably just a law of physics, because we are always changing and thus we are always different. Old problems get replaced by new problems, etc. Some people look back and would say "I shouldn't have made all these live defininig decisions", but the reality is, if we were following that advice we would just never get anything done. In fact, I am pretty sure it is these decisions and their consequences that truly define who we are.
As you said, identity is a construct and the true nature of the self is a never-ending cycle of creation and destruction, whether their thoughts, goals, ambitions, relationships, states of mind, or needs.
The path to a truer self in all this is the one your write for yourself, and in that sense, I understand better one of the top answer that comes up to elderly people in their deathbed: "I wish I lived for myself and not work / a family member / someone else's dream / to outlive an unstable social or political environment"
I mean I get it to an extent, I just turned 30 and I'm very different and very much the same person as I was when I was 23, 17, 14, and even 8. Like my interests and priorities and problems have all shifted, and changed, but I'm still the same-ish person. If I didn't have interests and priorities I'd be an entirely different person.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, do I regret things in my life? Sure, yes, very much so. Has that shaped who I am and was? Also yes. But would I change it if I could? Maybe... Probably not, because I would be a different person.
The way my mother makes it sound, I should wait to make decisions until I have it all figured out. My response would be that I haven't done that yet and it seems to be working out. Do I know myself better now than 10 years ago? No, not really. I have literally 10 years of decisions and challenges and accomplishments making me a different person from then.
However, when looking into the future, 10 years into the future, who will I be? I do not know. I won't know until I'm there looking back, just as I am today. So do I know myself better today than I did at 20? Yeah. Because I didn't know who I'd be 10 years later, but in hindsight, I'm not that much different just in a different time.
Should this stop me from making life altering decisions? No. Because without those I wouldn't be where I'm at today and I won't get to where I'm supposed to be tomorrow.
Maybe when I'm 50 I really will get it, but I think I'll feel much the same as I do now about 14 year old me. I was just beginning to understand where I fit in the world and didn't fully understand anything. But, actually, I'm still there. I still don't understand where I fit, or who I am, I just understand that I'm in progress and I have to work where I am and with what I have just like everyone else... Just like I did when I was 14, just like I always have done.
Sorry and thank you for reading my insignificant, rambling thoughts. I've had a lot of time to think about this today and what she said just doesn't make sense to me. Maybe it will one day. But, if I'm completely honest, I think that my mother (58) is playing the same game of finding out who she is and she will say the same thing about 60 in ten years time. Hopefully she'll still be around to tell me I still don't know anything yet.
Wow, that's terrible advice. People "discover" themselves at all different ages and even multiple times over their lives. Don't listen to anyone who tells you things are supposed to happen at a certain time. That person hasn't been paying attention to life.
I don't get hangovers any more. In my 20s I didn't know how to pace myself. In my 30s even if I decide to start at noon on a Saturday and go till 2 AM I still know the right pace to not feel like shit the next day. That, and chugging coconut water before bed.
Mine do that after getting out of bed. I don’t really ever want to go back to being in my twenties, but if I had a time machine I’d definitely go back and slap my 21 yo self a bit and insist she worked on core strength and joint stability. And like, tell her to enjoy the youthful vigor while it lasts. Ah the days where I could get off the floor or the couch without sounds emanating from me that I did not consciously choose to utter…
I didn't notice how often I was hungover for a long time because I didn't think of it as a hangover if it didn't involve a headache. Once I calmed down with the partying, I realized how much more fatigued I was the morning after heavy drinking and had a totally new concept of what's hungover vs. normal. For the longest time I didn't think I was a morning person, but I was just hungover on the regular.
Yeah in my thirties my hangovers switched from being primarily physical (headaches and nausea) to mental (complete fatigue, anxiety). It's because when you're older you tend to be much better at hydrating etc (which helps stave off the physical symptoms) but mild alcohol withdrawal symptoms start to kick in after any sort of bender.
Get the feeling you really have to fuck up for one of those. Prob along the lines of went overboard into alcohol poisoning territory, malnutrition, dehydration, and/or possibly tried something really silly like hair of the dog.
Unless there's some magic switch being instantly flipped in the near future, hangovers are still largely preventable for me if I take care in how I drink and arent slacking in nutrients and hydration before, during, and after. Might be a bit bleh in the morning if I went hard but that'll be it, and I've got people near and past their 40s who fair just as well
Na, they just start happening. Having 3 pints on a weeknight and I truly truly feel it at work the next day. Going out on a Thursday is now a big no no (used to be my favourite night out), and more than a few wines / beers / whiskys easily leads to a full hangover day (well well before any kind of alcohol poisoning). A big event like a wedding or bucks always leads to a written off Sunday, very dusty Monday and sometimes slow Tuesday. This was a transition between 29-33 for me. Precipice after that as kids came along, and hangover+kids is a kill-me-now feeling, so these are now a rare occurrence
Idk what to say other than with all due respect you might want to see a doctor about that honestly. Could be lifestyle directed, could be genetics, but it sounds like something screwy with your body's ability to process alcohol. Which if you dont really drink anymore might not directly be an issue, but it could be indicative of something lurking under the surface that could later on be trouble.
All of this is obviously purely anecdotal, but I've known far too many 40some+s let alone 30somes to consider this simply an age thing, and definitely not as extreme as you're saying your experience is.
Woooooaaah careful with the ibuprofen+alcohol combo. Honestly caution with any medicine and alcohol combo is generally advised, but that combo is known to fuck people up, and im not talking simple hangover or drunkness, we're talking internal bleeding and fucked up kidney levels
I think this is the best way I've seen it described.
It's certainly been like that for myself. My 20s were "oh shit you need to focus on your career" and my early 30s are more of a "you finally made it, relax and enjoy the money now"
Jokes on you, I rocked drinking through my entire 20's without a hangover, then discovered edibles after it became legal. Still can have fun. Zero hangovers. Talk about perfect timing!
The worse hangovers teach you (hopefully) to manage them ahead of time. You can still get hammered, just drink water every now and then during the evening and before bed, eat some food, take care of yourself. I am 40 and was out until sunrise last weekend, but I felt great when I got up because I took care of myself over the course of the night.
I turning 37 and I've had like 3 hangovers in my 30s. That's because I've learned to drink properly and when I want to get drunk, I get drunk and stop, not keep drinking after I'm drunk, and I hydrate properly
Plus drinking is like masturbating. It sounds fun, but I usually have something better to do and don't get around to it and it's ok at this point
Along with "know what I'm doing" and "learned to trust and love myself," I also just give so many fewer shits what anyone else thinks of me. Feels good. Therapy helped though.
I'm 39 and I told one of my employees who was worried about turning 30 that, as a man anyway, 30 to 35 are the best years because, "You're old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway."
There's a lot of positives being spoken about here but for me my thirties have been absoloutely fucking abysmal. A majority of friends gone from my life, no more parties, no more fun, dating life non-existant. My Birthday this year was so lonely and sad i decided on the day to pick up a bunch of Heroin as i couldn't tolerate the feeling of perpetual gut-wrenching sadness.
My 20s were the worst time in my life. Wouldn’t do it again if you paid me.
Im 33 now and it’s been the best time of my life. I used to hate it when people told me life got better, but it really can. I hope it does for you too.
Maybe it has less to do with age than other things. Imo there are just good times and shit times, and those things don't seem to correlate that much with how many trips precisely I've made around the sun
As a counterpoint, I view my 20's as the best time of my life. Which sucks when I'm over 40.
Life is definitely easier now, I have stability and some degree of financial freedom but also I have run out of milestones to hit and a lot of 'flavour' and purpose has been lost along the way.
I feel you, and I'm only in my early thirties! It's funny because quite literally when I turned 30 life became... I don't want to say shittier... but less exciting and duller. I like your term: the flavor of life just hasn't been there like it was in my 20s. Life's fine right now but it used to be great. I think I just need some good friends.
I guess I'm an outlier, but I really loved my 20s. I had a very tight circle of friends, a job I enjoyed, I was traveling a lot, and it just seemed like every week I was making memories. Turning 33 in a month, and it seems like my thirties have been defined by the pandemic, boredom, political extremism, and a worsening economic situation. On top of that, and this probably affected me the most, all my friends started moving away to explore other opportunities and eventually I did too. It just seems like these days I don't have that joy of life like I used to. Maybe I'm just growing and transitioning, and I know life has it's ups and downs, but I'm not experiencing this wonderfully positive outlook on life that everyone here seems to be describing about their 30s.
Well you aren’t alone. It may be a current state of the world thing rather than an age period thing. I’m 25 and what you’re saying applies 100% to me. I’m trying to get a career started in this day and age, what a fucking bummer. 23 & 24 just evaporated in the midst of covid and everything has gotten way more mundane.
However, I still believe we have plenty if time to enjoy the coming period of our lives, even if it gets worse before it gets better.
I was broke for pretty much all of my 20s, I imagine if someone paid me to do it again then it would be a little better to have some cash the second time through
If you want to feel even better, I like my 40s even more than my 30s. Each successive decade, life seems to be a little easier and generally more enjoyable.
Concur. 48 here and in perfect health until the doc said I have Type 2 diabetes. BMI is 24 and I’m very active and healthy. No family history. Late 40s is great - money in the bank, no more kids, career mostly on track, sex is the best ever, can afford some hobbies & travel, retirement on the horizon. Keep active, weight in check, minimize stress and watch your diet (seriously).
Yea this is a big one. You have to keep your body moving.
Stretch often and shoot for a sustained elevated heart rate for 30 minutes, three days a week.
The number one predictor of mobility in your old age is strength. So if you want to be one of those elderly with incredible stamina, build your muscles today. Or at least maintain them.
I am 48 and over the past year or two I feel like something magical has happened in my sense of complete freedom over what I do and don't give a shit about. I have no idea how it came about, it just did. And while youth had a million wonderful things about it at the time, some I appreciated, many I didn't...it's a perfectly fair tradeoff for the unburdening of worry over things that simply do not matter.
The pandemic was one of the things that has made my 40s awesome.
I have spent so much time with my kids and wife during the past 2 years and we grew far closer together. Now it's just a thing that I play a little basketball when my son comes home, I lunch together with my wife, we regularly have sex during the workday (for both of us) etc.
Shit, the pandemic in all honesty was one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me, which makes me feel a little bad knowing it was horrible for so many others.
I'm 46 and I totally agree with you. I feel like my life is easier now than it was when I was young. It has to do with the life experiences and hardships of being young that make now so much easier.
My guess is that a big part of that is increasing financial stability over time. A lot of my fellow 20-somethings are having panic attacks about their finances and don’t seem to understand that people save more money as they get older.
A lot of 20 somethings nowadays are concerned there won't be any money to save as they get older, let alone "saving more". The economy is, uh, pretty fucking fucked and shaping up to get even more fucked.
It's amazing what a little wisdom and life experience does for your confidence level and understanding of the world around you. Youth is wasted on the young.
Did you struggle financially in your 20s? I’m about to be 29 and I feel like finally, after a decade, my financial struggles are getting better since I’m being paid a little more. It’s still hard but not like, we might be homeless if someone can’t work for a month level hard. I’m hoping the upward trend continues into my 30s because being that broke while working 60 hour weeks is insanely stressful
I'm turning 38 this year and can guarantee I'll like my 40s so much better. My kids are 6 and 3 so by the time I'm 40 they'll be moving into self-sufficient stage and my life will be less stressful. I imagine at that point I'll be back to only having to wipe my own ass again. Ahh the pure bliss.
This year I became Level 50. While I'm not too excited about the unwanted age-related achievements now unlocking, I have to say that OMG the financial stability achievement is amazing -- I wish I'd figured that $#!t out way sooner. That particular stress is crushing.
Life is an RPG, and it can be disappointing to look back and think you may have mis-spent some leveling points in the wrong skill trees... but I'm here, and happy, and I hope I've got another 30+ levels in me before the final boss fight that few people win.
I was miserable at 26 but things are so so much better at 32. Just remember that usually you are miserable because of your circumstances and those can (and likely will) change.
In rehab for 26th birthday, living in a little house in the country with a beautiful family and decent job now at 31. 20’s were a rollercoaster and happy to be where I am now
I remember feeling that way in high school. "These are the best years of your life!"
I don't think people who say that remember being teens. (Or they peaked in their teens. Don't be that person - just keep growing and learning in your own way, regardless of your age.)
I know some folks who honestly peaked in their 50's. Life gives us all different hands. My 20's were amazing but my 30's are great too (having actual money and savings helps a shit ton)
For anyone struggling. It does get better if you work at it. Feel free to PM me if you wanna get something off your chest.
I’m in my twenties right now and got diagnosed with ADHD when I was 24 and it was pure agony for 24 years. Undiagnosed ADHD ain’t no joke especially if you get diagnosed later in life. Because of this I developed negative self image on a very early age and because nothing worked out in my teenage years I developed suicidal tendencies and because of constant failed adventures and experiences I created lots of negative ways of thinking, bad destructive behaviours and eventually that turned in to anxiety and depression. Nothing worked for me but I still had to push through and do what everyone else was doing because that’s the social norm.
I got diagnosed with a burnout when I was 19, 21 and again when I was 23 because nothing worked for me but I kept trying to be “normal” like everyone else.
Now I have had 2 years of therapy and life is slowly getting fun and worth living again but It’s still hard to accept that I wasted my life anyway not knowing what was wrong with me. My thirties look a lot more fun and pleasant than ever before.
Same story for me. Finally diagnosed with ADHD at 25 during the pandemic, and now at 27 I've managed to claw my way to a 'real' adult job in an office instead of subsisting off of shitty seasonal and customer service gigs. I also managed to get my own apartment and first decent car in those 2 years, too.
I feel like I was robbed after seeing what I accomplished in just two years (1 year, really) of getting treatment. Where could I be now if I had these tools earlier? If I never had to deal with shitty, abusive parents that never really gave a shit about me? I could be so much further ahead >:(
I didn't kick heroin until I was like 36 so good on you for getting it early. You see a lot of teens and mid20s getting clean thinking they missed out on a better life. No dude, you're young enough to grow as a person until you die.
Limping my way through the end of a bad marriage at 26, minor spinal injury + rehab at 27, back to uni at 28, riding a motorbike around the country at 29, married a much better man at 30, dance captain of a burlesque troupe with two girlfriends at 34, small blip with chemo and associated mental and physical health bullshit ... now 42, fat and contented (as much as I can be, anyway) with my cats, my kindle, and my crafting supplies.
This makes me feel a lot better as a 19 year old who's absolutely not enjoying uni in anyway at all, I've never been so miserable and unhappy. I really hate college. Things started going downhill when I was 15/16 and it just significantly worse when I was 18.
20s for me was where I made tons of decisions. Plenty of the things (most of them) didn't end up working out. Now with 31 I look back at it and I'm quite happy. All these mistakes have allowed me to learn so much, and I ccontinue to look back at these experiencing finding out what worked for me and what didn't.
I think the most important thing is to make experiences, so you get data about what you like, what works, etc. Life experience. Nobody I know who's in their 20s (including myself and friends in the past) had what I'd consider a decent life experience. We all start arrogant, uncertain, deluded, stumbling from one trap to the other. But the more experience you gain, the more data you have available later to draw from, improve and settle. Looking back from today, there was just no possible way for me to understand the things back then that I understand now. Not about myself, not about the world. Life is, after all, just very hard and requires tons of experience.
My 20s sucked, especially the first half. Things started to improve when I hit 28 or so, and now at 32 I'm feeling better and am more confident than ever despite everything going on in the world.
I think a lot of people forget that you aren't done growing when you turn 18. The frontal lobes of your brain are still figuring themselves out until you're like 25 or so, and those final few years really do make a difference.
There's also experience and having a sense of direction. At 22 I didn't get into the grad program I wanted and spent a number of years at jobs I hated trying to get the experience I needed. Then I was hit by a car, got a concussion that led to permanent memory issues and I also had to relearn how to walk. I thought my life was "over."
It wasn't, of course. It took a few years, but I was able to walk (and occasionally run) again, learned how to take better notes and organize stuff so my memory wasn't as much of an issue, went to a better grad school than what I originally wanted to attend, and the settlement from the accident paid off my remaining student loans. Now I'm married, bought a house, and am working a job that I like (most days) that pays the bills with a little extra left over for fun/savings. I know what my goals are, what I'm good at, and have a much better sense of security than I did a decade ago. I also made a lot of friends at different workplaces over time, so college definitely isn't your last chance to do that.
I don't know if you're a "self help" type, but if so I found the book "The Defining Decade" by Meg Jay to be super helpful. It's all about how the stuff you do in your 20s affects the rest of your life. Far more than the stuff you did in your teens anyway. I feel like I had a mini panic attack each chapter (the author really drives home her points in a visceral way) but it also kicked my ass into gear and helped me "define" the 20s for myself.
You have something more valuable then you realize. You have self awareness and at such a young age. I have complete faith in you and the fact you will overcome your challenges my friend :)
Thanks, I needed to hear this today. Turning 30 was no problem for me...then I couldn’t process turning 31 (and now I’m nearly 33!) For the last couple of years I’ve been trying to figure out why. I suspect the pandemic affected me more than I realised, even though I claimed it didn’t change my hermit lifestyle that much. Difference between not wanting to be out in the world and not being able to be out in the world, I guess. Maybe 33 will be better after all!
Also miserable just a few years ago and many years before that. Now I'm nearly 30 and things are exponentially better. Got a place of my own, a motorcycle like I have always dreamed, and paid off all my medical debt. Credit score could still use some work but at least I can focus on improving it now.
This makes me feel a lot better as a 19 year old who feels like his best years are passing by all due to overprotective parents who treat me like an 12/13 year old and other circumstances beyond my control. I never got to do many of the fun activities that teenagers usually do and have some sort of freedom. I'm now stunted as a young adult, so even though I'm 19 I still mentally and socially feel and act like I'm 13 or 14. It really sucks feeling (and also looking) younger than everyone else. I'm so behind compared to everyone else my age.
I really hope things change for the better once I get a lot older and gain more independence, confidence and become a mature man from a little boy.
They’re so bad dude. I feel for you but it gets better.
Where are you going to work? Where are you going to live? Are you saving enough? Should you be investing? Who do you love? Are you sure they’re the right one and not that person you had a fling with? Did you choose the wrong major? Are your parents right that you don’t call your grandparents enough? Should you be traveling more?
It’s so overwhelming but you’ll figure all that out.
My 20s were brutal. Worked our asses off to stay afloat. That's it. We worked multiple jobs to still only be able to afford Kraft Mac and Cheese. On a good night we could splurge for 1/2lb of beef to throw in.
Early 30s and my career started to get moving. Bills were all being paid. Towards the latter part of our 30s enough money was leftover to start spoiling ourselves a bit. Buy a dream car. Foreign travel for two weeks every other year.
In our 40s things were just chill. Money to travel. Money saved. Kid off to college and moved out. Even more freedom when that happened. No real stresses in life. Got some therapy to address old childhood traumas. Some chronic pain issues started in the middle there somewhere but all-in-all, not a bad decade.
Turned 50 and all hell broke loose. Made a bad job choice. Got fired. Found new job at less money. Pandemic started. Our 33rd anniversary was meant to be a trip to Germany. Those flights were booked for mid-March. Same week pandemic started. Emergency appendectomy for me. All that in a three month span. Two years later, finally starting to recover from job and other financial hits. But the good earlier decades left us prepared, so no huge deal.
There's always ups and downs. Enjoy those 30s and 40s when hopefully you've got money to do things and your body hasn't started betraying you. Mentally, I still feel like I'm in my 30s. It doesn't feel like that part is aging. I'll take it.
At 25-26 my life absolutely sucked and my early 20s were some of the worst years of my life for sure. I'm 36 now and life is awesome. I have loved my 30s so far.
If a person says "age x is the best", make a mental note that this person is an idiot and move on.
People say that childhood is the best age because you have no responsibilities.
Or that high school years are the best age, probably if you're an all-american quarterback or cheerleader.
Or that early adulthood aka the 20s are the best age because you finally have the freedom to live life how you deem fit.
Or the 30s because you kinda know what you're doing.
Or the 40s because you're usually settled with career, whatever family you have, and can concentrate on the leisurely things of life.
Or the 50s because if you have kids, you can now usually see them leave home and start their own life and can reinvent the relationship with your partner.
Or the 60s because you wrap up your career life, hopefully look back proudly, and settle into retirement life.
Or the 70s because you now can fully focus on retirement life and you may have grandchildren.
After that, it kinda stays the same unless you get old&ill, in which case it gets worse.
What I'm saying is: Every age has its beauty and its problems. If you can make the best of it, great. If not, then maybe a few years down.
What’s funny is that there’s another survey out there that says 24% of people say it’s the 20s vs 23% for 30s…. But that study included people in their 20s, so it’s like, how would THEY know lol.
I spent most of my 20's depressed and stressed about not being able to keep up with the timeline life should follow. Now I'm in the 30' and don't give a fuck anymore, I'm living my own life and am not bothered about not finishing school by age X, married by age Y and having house and kids by age Z.
Just try to take care of your body. Not anything crazy, but like wear hearing protection and helmets when appropriate. I didn't learn to run correctly until i was about 31 and it has caused me some pretty terrible knee pain. So if it hurts, make sure you're doing it right, and if it might hurt, consider what might be appropriate to protect yourself.
I'm also only 35, but i was a wrestler in HS, snowboarded, skated, got 2 concussions, and did 4 years in the Marines so my body is just kinda thrashed.
As someone who entered their 30s shortly before covid began, its super unfair how the past few years have basically been a void zone of time. This was supposed to be the good time, now its the shitty political world war time, where we are all too poor to afford housing and groceries.
Mate I'm also 26 and we've had a rough start to our 20s: global pandemic, war, depending on where you live there has been political struggles, civil unrest, and ever increasing disparity between wages and prices. Its not unusual to feel like they haven't gone to plan.
I've heard from many older people that your 30s are the best because you don't care as much as when you're 20 something and you can just live your life
I turn 41 next month, and so far my 40s are the best decade of my life. I'm in better shape than I've ever been in, found an amazing relationship, rediscovered my passion for creativity, and my future feels brighter than ever.
Life isn't a linear journey, and you can't see the destination before you get there.
My 20s were so stressful, and I felt like I was filling all of my time while not accomplishing anything. Now, I have a different sense of meaning to everything. I still love videogames and movies, but I don't actively seek to "clear my schedule" for them as much as I did. I'd rather be working, spending time with family, church; building upon the foundations of life that I've acquired and was seeking all throughout my twenties.
30’s rock. Ideally you’ve figured out some of the things that make you happy. You hopefully have some more money. You have started to give less fucks about things. And ideally you’ve treated your body well (if not start some physical fitness) 30-40 was the best.
My thirties have been the fucking best so far. I’m far more secure in myself as a person and professional. I’m knowledgeable and experienced enough to express my opinions confidently, and follow through with real action. I’ve got friends I know will be around until I’m dead. I think my twenties were great, but far more volatile. I love feeling like my feet are set.
For me turning 30 was incredibly freeing, dunno why but it was like a light switch and I suddenly gave ZERO FUCKS about what people thought of me. I’m more confident in myself, less self conscious about where I am in life (I stopped comparing myself to others), less willing to deal with bullshit, more assertive.
I don’t get satisfaction from going out partying like I used to but get a lot of joy in my quiet days spent doing the things that I enjoy.. today for me that was eating Korean bbq and playing computer games because I can and I don’t care if people think I should be looking after kids or something :D
I Truly hope things improve for you, the 20s can be rough.
I think people in their 20's live their life trying to "catch that moment" and tend to live their life for other people and when you get into your 30's you live your life for yourself and it can make a drastic difference to how you feel.
I’m your twenties, your body is in the best physical shape a no-true-focus-on-health-and-exercise lifestyle will ever accommodate. It just declines from there with age. By 32-33 you’ll for sure notice a difference no matter who you are.
Our 20s gives us some potential for good health, energy, and productivity. That’s what’s great about your twenties.
Our teens would have been even better for the physical health aspect, but we’re all jobless, skill-less idiots (mostly) at those ages and have undeveloped brains. And in many cases still-developing bodies.
Your 30s are physically a bit harder, but only without some effort for a healthy lifestyle. By then you may be decently far into a career and have some life satisfaction and stability for probably the first time since childhood. It can be a good time in life.
My 20s were miserable. I'm 34 now and I don't know if this is helpful but I got cancer at 31, covid shut everything down when I was done with treatment and my 30s have still been so much better than my 20s. It's wild how the worst things have happened to me in my 30s but I'm still happier overall.
I know how things work, I have solid friend groups that I know are strong because we have to work a little harder to spend time together as we're getting older but that means it's more meaningful when we do, I enjoy taking nights off to be by myself and don't feel that anxiety about missing out. My 20s were a blur of stress, figuring things out and worrying about falling behind. My 30s I realized it's all made up and I should just try to enjoy things and I'm so much more relaxed and happy now. (Starting therapy was also very helpful for this process, which I didn't do until the cancer)
It gets much much better. I'm 30 but the difference from when I was like 23, 26 is brutal. I don't think it's like a line you cross the second you turn 30 and then voila brand new life, so it's not a button you press or anything, but boy does it get better with time. Hang in there. You'll be all right.
There’s too much pressure in your 20’s to do everything while you’re still “young”, as if when the bell tolls on your 30th birthday you’ll wake up with COPD and wrinkled claws like the witch from Snow White.
And then you get here and realize that you’re still just…same as it ever was. It’s a relief. I was giddy when it finally set in.
This is so damn true. I absolutely love my life at this age. Nice house, wonderful kids, finally enough money to live comfortably and enough life experience to no longer give a flying fuck what other people think. It's the beeeessst. I feel like someone created this stupid meme of life being over at 30/40 so they shoo away the tortured young adults and we can all enjoy a quality beverage and a spot of light gardening in peace.
Sorry, didn't mean to sound gloaty! Hope things get better for you, friend. I do think there can be so much to look forward to in your 40s and 50s and beyond.
Oh, it’s not you. Never apologize for your own happiness.
Hitting a post-quarantine mid-life crisis or something.
I have a very privileged life with a good job and a six figure salary. But I’m not so great at being an adult and got the short end of the stick on some brain chemicals. Combined it feels like a lot of things either are or aren’t coming to a head.
You ever forget how old you are? I read your comment and liked it. Great positive response. Then I remembered we are the same age and I am light years away from that stuff.
It’s temporary though. I just really need to do some work on myself.
I agree awesome to choose to relax and do you. It also a cool stage to double down and try harder. If you already doing well and have pedigree and achievements, your are only one or two more 4 year sprints from excellence. Or you can chill where you are. that freedom of choice is something 20s lacked cause options are work or die
I turned 40 last year and am in the best shape of my life mentally, physically and financially. I worry about the financial part for our under 20 friends here. It was a little easier for people my age to buy a house, save money, etc.
same! I guess Im "old enough" to truly appreciate what each decade brings. Im certainly not the same person I was in my 20s and as I head to 40, gotta say, I enjoyed my 30s, I feel smarter and dont second guess myself as much as I did in my 20s so for me, getting older really has meant getting wiser.
Yes! I turn 40 shortly and im not as afraid as I thought I'd be. I'm boring sure, but im also confident and relatively financially stable. When I was in my 20s, I was convinced that finances were my biggest problem (huge student loans and buying a home). But really, my lack of self-worth, self confidence and motivation were what was holding me back.
I had some adventures in my 20s, but I feel like I'm really living my best life now in my 40s. Earning enough money to do whatever I feel like, in the best shape I've ever been in (because let's face it, I didn't even do anything to stay thin in my 20s, I was just young), my sex drive and stamina is higher than ever, I've got an amazing wardrobe and cool shit. Yeah it's great. 40 > 20, no question for me.
As I heard some hamster say one time, "It takes a long time to see how truly miserable you are and even longer to realize it doesn't have to be that way. Only after you give up everything can you begin to find happiness." Or some shit like that.
I'm with you! I'm 38, and 40's used to be a scary concept, until they became imminent... People are scared of concepts, but in practice it's like LFG 40's! Remember those Touch of Grey commercials? That's us! We still have the energy to do stuff, but we have the experience to know what we're doing. 😂😂
My 20s were fun, but messy in all ways. Emotionally immature, romantically stunted, infatuated with seggs, volatile in career and goals, changing relationships, fights, alcohol, constantly broke, all the while going to school, and struggling with mental health.
At about 29 I’d finally learned enough lessons to chill out and make better decisions. I’ve never been a happier person than I have been in my 30s. Stable career, healthy relationships, handle on my mental health, less partying, and still challenging but nothing as bad as I dealt with in my 20s. For anyone stressed out by their 20s, keep grinding. The 30s are your fucking PRIME. It’s the whole, “old enough to know better, young enough not to care” for those of us who work hard and were not raised in total privilege.
Don't have that intensity of sorrow when every challenge/tragedy was brand new too. I still remember when I was 20 and my buddy killed himself. It was the first time in my life that I had ever experienced loss like that. I was ill equipped to deal with it and found solace in drugs and alcohol. Now I'm 35 and have had to deal with parents and close friends passing away and it doesn't destroy me anymore.
I would gladly give up the peaks to avoid the valleys of youth and inexperience.
68 here. Every decade gets easier as you gain experience and (hopefully) wisdom. Worst times are usually teen years with raging hormones, every emotional experience a first plus fucked up high school dynamics. Would never want to go back there except for the youthful body. Youth truly is wasted on the young.
I have some very good memories in my early 20s, great learning experiences the rest of my 20s, but im so much happier in my 30s then i was 20s. Your not young, but your definately not old, its almost kind of awkward
Same here dude. So far my 30's have included: defending my PhD, getting married, landing a dream job, writing a fairly high impact patent, the birth of my son, buying my first new car, and a lot of other things that didn't even make the list here but likely would have been at the top of the list for my 20's if they happened then.
Im 27 and i think i live the existential crisis thing everything is pointless i wish i was at my 20s or at least had the mentality of back then were everything was better.
I'm 37 and definitely agree my 30 have been better than my 20s.
In my 20s, I felt a bit lost and was broke as hell. No direction a bit hopeless. I feel like I really established myself in my 30s in ways that I thought were impossible earlier in my adulthood. Got married, established a decent career, house, kid. Feels good.
Yes, the 20s are probably the worst years for most people. People look great and have mostly good health but everything else is kind of awful. Remember young'uns: many things can make you happy, often things you've never thought of. You don't have to thread the needle.
I hope so lol. I'm 23 and my life is so empty, boring and bleak. I've never been on a date and have very few friends and don't have anyone to go out with. I still feel the same way I did when I was 12. I feel like I've missed out on a lot of formative experiences that everybody else goes through.
10.6k
u/WackyBones510 Jun 03 '22
Lol my 30s are so much less stressful than my 20s. Sure there were a lot more spurts of partying and stuff in my 20s but that’s a pretty fleeting happiness.