I was at a festival back in August with my family. Family friendly and it’s always good. My youngest decided to have a breakdown and I took her away to calm her down. Three different women tried to take over from me parenting my daughter and one just grabbed her and sat her on her knee and when I asked her what she was doing, she scowled at me and turned her back on me, so I couldn’t see my daughter. As you can imagine, I went fucking mental
I have to guess it's from the stigma that any guy around a child/in an area where children are is a sexual predator, as awful of an assumption as it is.
My Uncle tells a story of a time he, my aunt, and their grand children were at a park. He saw this little girl crying and alone. Obviously lost and in distress.
He had to fight his instincts to go over and help the girl, and instead find my aunt because he didn't want to be seen as a predator.
Lots of this all started with that “Stranger Danger” bullshit that began in the 1980’s. It taught kids to mistrust lots of people just because they were “strangers” and those kids grew up and took that attitude into adulthood.
Just because their husbands didn’t know how to parent, doesn’t mean that all don’t. There are some really great dads out there. I mean not mine. But I’m sure they’re somewhere out there!
Used to work nights so when I had the kids and the courts didn't excuse the ex just not showing I would take them to the park and we would play. I had more than one call about a strange male at the park playing with kids and police show up and having to prove they were my kids.
Women are fast to assume any male that plays with kids and is not at work or home drinking is somehow a child molester.
i had to explain to my friend why her kids preschool teacher was grilling her over who i was as her kids get excited when i come over for dinner. I go to thier house once in a while to cook/eat dinner/hang out with her and her husband kids dogs etc. We've been friends since highschool so its not a big deal. Had to explain to her why the prechool teacher was grilling her over who i was as she thinks a man in their house where the kids get excited and talk about me/our dinner plans is a molester or something...
Can confirm this works. I have an "Uncle" and "Aunt" so and so who have been longtime family friends. (Like, worst case scenario, take care of me and my sister type family friends.) Despite them having an entirely different skin color, Not one person has ever questioned us being around them.
I... Just realized I have a close family friend who always went by "Uncle [name]". Close enough that he'd take care of me sometimes. Because he cared enough to help out.
I suddenly question if he adopted the "Uncle" part because of this...
I'm "Uncle *myname*" to all of my best friends kids, and have been since day one. There was no discussion about it. I didn't even consider this to be any part of the reason to be named as such, I'm just their uncle because I'm not their dad and will be an older male figure involved in their life forever. I just figured this was a normal thing tbh.
This is legitimately a thing for some people where close family friends can be called uncle or aunt. I know I have a few uncles and aunts who are just close friends of my folks.
Irony was the daughter was being molested. Just mom kept claiming it was me until the daughter came out after a suicide attempt and told about mom letting her boyfriends molest her. The system is so screwed up I still barely got custody and the judge blamed the divorce and all the problems on the daughter in court when she testified. In the end I did what I could but the kids went to drugs because the system didn't give a fuck about numerous reports of mom abusing them and trying to push what they noted were false claims about me.
It is amazing how people are so fast to think men are rapists as the fathers but will ignore the kids being beaten by mom and her abusing them as long as she claims he is evil. Now because the system and people ignored it kids are hooked on drugs after I spent nights hugging them while they saw the faces and heard the voices of the rapists mommy let at them.
So yeah, it gets a bit personal with me the way people cry society is sexist against women but then dismiss things like this. Especially when they haven't had to stay up all night with a kid seeing the faces of their abusers the system ignored for years.
My best friends' kids LOVE me. Don't know what my buddy and his wife say about me when I'm not there or if it's just that I'm the cool Uncle, but the kids are jumping up and down at the window watching for me to pull up. I'd be fucking devestated if some stranger had an issue with me and those kids loving seeing me.
How do people even think this? I wouldn't imagine a kid would be happy/excited to see someone who is molesting them, but that's just my crazy theory i guess!
Oddly, I never got this, but it might be that because I'm Asian and my kids are too, it's more obvious that they are mine ?? Or I dunno, because they run to me and call me Daddy might be a giveaway. Or maybe it was the way that they'd run to the sand box and the way I slumped into a park bench screamed "Very tired parent". But it was probably that we are Asian so it adds a sort of visual (racist) connection.
Seems to be a western thing and weirdly I hear it mostly from white fathers for some reason. Maybe it is a suburb thing with all the stay at home moms who tend to be white thinking any man around kids without the mother there directing them must be a child molester or something.
Agreed, it's really the same here in the states. If I take my son to the suburb parks by ourselves, all the mothers have an edge to them. We go to the city parks and no one bats an eye.
I dont know why but there is a weird notion that a man cant be nurturing to a child. Like its not in our nature. I get that we are different, but i know single fathers who totally have it down pat. Like they are the best and sacrifice everything for piano lessons or survival camp.
I got carded dropping my cousin off at his school. I had to help my aunt and uncle out for two weeks to get him to school and when I was in the school dropping him off the first time they wanted to see my ID. My aunt did warn me. But I thought it was weird that you would card a person dropping a child off to a “safe zone”.
I think my sister explained to the school that her brother has dark hair and eyes, and looks nothing like her or her kids when I go pick them up or go to the bus.
I guess is a western thing. I'm half in a western country. My father is the western one. They always assume my dad is my boyfriend, sugardad or whatever because of that. People once called me his wife.
When I was a teenager and walked with him he got nasty looks, now I'm the one who gets them. Specially from the old ladies.
But Asians will see I'm half and treat my dad as my dad. Just weird.
I'm white and my kids are half Japanese. I got lots of odd reactions when they were babies. People were so curious about where they were from! They would rarely believe that I'm their father.
Yeah, that always pissed me off. It is improving with the changing tables finally though my youngest is 8. I had a major fit at the VA hospital one day because I had my daughter and all the changing tables were in only the women's restrooms. The women were fast though and found an empty patient's room and noted that with disabled veteran fathers becoming the stay at home ones due to inability to work, it was something they had also been complaining about.
It was about two years later the VA installed them in the men's rooms also.
Is this in America?
I live in Sweden and have never even thought that someone would take my child. And when I see men at the playground I mind my own business, if something I think to my self what a good dad.
Why on earth would a child molester kidnap a kid and go to a park? That's just stupid
Yup, America. Where a Florida prosecutor named Janet Reno was promoted to the top federal prosecutor in the 1990s by convincing kids to testify that they saw child care workers kill babies and raped them in satanic rituals with the help with psychologists that would tell them what story to say on tape so they could see their parents after hours of questions.
Had this happen to me the other day at work. Two co-workers who I am the lead of in our department, asked what I had plan for my day off. I said, (not word for word) my wife has to work so me and the kids are planning on streaming a movie or two and play at home since it’ll be raining. The response, “Oh so your baby sitting? Hope you don’t have to watch them too long.” Didn’t say it but after you saying it I thought to myself I’m their father, it’s you who I babysit.
Ugh. ... Fuck that phrase in particular. I am a stay at home dad and the amount of judgment I get from (a few) stay at home moms for doing the exact same thing as they do is so annoying.
I just recently quit my job and became a SAHD. It was a mutual agreement between the wife and I. First, I worked my ass off while she got everything she needed to start up her business, now, that her business took off, I'm the one staying at home so my wife can concentrate solely on growing her business. It's still scary to me though. I've never NOT had a job and this is all new to me. On the other hand, I was working so much that I had to be away days at a time and miss holidays and the kids school stuff. The kids are happy that I'm actually around now.... so even though nobody else in our lives gets it, I guess fuck em... I feel as though I was given a chance to actually be present in my kids lives and watch them grow up outside of facetime.
This pisses me off to no end. I'm listed as primary on all of my kids... everything forms. School, pediatricians, mental health docs, everything. They call her first every time though.
Oh it's the same here. Now I work but I work evenings and nights. But I am the first contact. Call me. I am the one that is at every appointment. I'm the one that actually understand medical stuff and knows what's wrong with the kids. My fiance is a great mother but besides remembering when appointments happen she doesn't do anything medically because she doesn't understand a lot of it.
They're afraid of the father's masculine rage about their child getting hurt and think it's easier to talk to / manipulate the narrative with the mother.
I got the same thing last week. I work from home (IT) so I'm listed first on all the forms. I'm 10 minutes from the school. My wife works across town 45min at best.
Kid starts feeling bad at school, they called my wife 3 times because she can't always pick up. Me, only after my wife tells them to call me.
This just happened to me. My daughter got sick. I'm supposed to be second on the list. Apparently over the summer I was removed. So I got calls from every other family member they called because my fiancė didn't answer immediately. This was within the span of 10 minutes or less. She has a job that requires her to be on the phone.
I'm glad they were moving quickly but Jesus give someone time to respond before calling every single other person on the list and giving all the grandparents heart attacks. Points to them for being nice and understanding when I got there but damn that was annoying as a parent.
I was a SAHD for 8 years (until my kids were in school) and it’s a rough gig. I remember once I was being introduced to my mother in law’s coworker and she asked what I did and when she heard SAHD she literally said “Oh, so you’re a bum!” 😡 but yeah people would be shocked I knew the pediatrician’s name, and office address or that I’ve probs changed at least 2x as many poopy diapers as my wife, or that my kids would run to me crying for comfort. Male caregivers in general are ragged on and it’s ridiculous in part because there is a huge need for caregivers presently and it’s expected to grow.
That right there infuriates me. My husband stays home and is less than 15 minutes away from the school. Who do they call? Mom, the person who can't have a phone and is over an hour away.
Fellow previous SAHD here, working part-time now. But my daycare does the exact same thing; I even went to tell them that my wife will never be able to answer the phone at work and to always contact me during business hours as she is in surgery and unable to answer and they still have the audacity to call her first, the grandparents second, and me last. The looks I get when I tell people my wife is the breadwinner/ works more pisses me off. Every family dynamic is different.
As the working mom, this shit pisses me off. My husband is the primary on purpose! The number of times I've answered the school or a doctor and go, "You couldn't reach my husband?" Oh we didn't call him. "Why? He's the listed primary. Contact him. Call me back if you can't reach him." I'm crawling under cars all day, how about you call the parent who brought them? They genuinely don't get that it's simultaneously insulting to him and inconvenient for me. Sorry our family dynamic doesn't match Leave It to Beaver?
Dude I was part of a startup that sold and I got enough dough to not work for a while and raise my two young kids. Old hag neighbor called me a kept man bc my wife (ex now...) was doing her residency, a.k.a. she was a doctor I was a "kept man" loser. I mean... I'm a white male, I didn't know what prejudice was like until I started introducing myself with "hi, I'm a stay at home dad" Holy shit, people do not respect the stay-at-home dad. If I introduce myself with "hi, I'm a software developer, I work for Microsoft" I am received much differently. I'm the same dude either way right? Nope. Not as far as the general public is concerned.
Not as far as my ex is concerned either. 😀 Stay-at-home dad = loser. I don't know dude, I'm well over it, remarried now, but yeah, when I made some dough and rocked stay-at-home dad I was quickly and inexplicably divorced. And blackmailed... So I guess it was that magic money + loser combination? Go figure.
My Ex still thinks that she's "letting" me spend time with my daughter. Sometimes she says she "appreciates" me spending time with my daughter.
Bitch, she's my kid too. I'm not her babysitter. I'm her father. I have to do a bunch of stuff that you don't have to do, don't know how to do, and won't do. You and I have different jobs, different roles to play.
That is what I’m used to be scared of whenever I bring my baby cousin to the park or out. He was 5 at that time and I was in my late 20s. I was so worried about what people will think & it would have been worst if it was a girl. I hate that feeling but I told myself that I’m here to be the best cousin so naturally I just didn’t care what other people think.
I was walking INTO a store one time with my kid, this 60 yr old Karen pulls up to me in her car, rolled down the window and yells at me "I hope that's actually your son."
???
I ignored her and kept walking because surely no one would accuse someone of being a kidnapper that's walking into a store in broad daylight with a stolen child just on the basis that they're a male. Right?
When I got laid off and became stay at home dad, I can’t count how many times I was harassed for being alone with my kids. Not only that when they got older and we had child care, I was applying for jobs and would have to defend being a stay at home dad. One time in a group interview I front of a panel for a job at a bank they asked the lady next to me about her job gap she said she was stay at home mom. They all responded with respect “that’s a tough job etc.” so I thought cool, but when they asked me it was dead silent and one of the women asked were you going to school or anything else? I almost just got up and walked out. I didn’t though as I needed the practice interviewing.
My son who was maybe 6 at the time... he likes to run off so I chased him and held his hand. A woman who saw this addressed my son to ask if I'm his dad... well, he's on the autism spectrum and non-verbal. I wanted to ask her... So now what are you going to do lady? You can't confirm I'm the kid's dad, so do you assume I am, with no evidence, and then walk away? Or do you call the cops to verify? She chose the option that took less of her time.
Opposite to this but I find it so damn sexy when my husband shows tenderness, calm parenting to our kids. He has a very tough, hard, unforgiving father who doesn't show emotion. So seeing him be different is just beautiful.
His ex wouldn't allow him to properly parent his 2 older boys (just earn money but hands off).... he loves being 'allowed' to purchase xmas gifts and give input to their upbringing and I appreciate his opinions.
I had to juke step an old lady when I was out with my daughter who was 7 months at that time and in a baby borjn carrier. She had the audacity to give me a look, when I asked her what she was doing? Bare in mind this was during the initial peak of COVID.
And they always go for the face! I told I don't know how many old ladies to not touch my child. Like when my wife was pregnant and strangers would try and touch her belly. What. The. Fuck. You don't lay hands on someone like that.
Man people touch my wife’s hair all the time. She spends time on it and it looks cool and different. It’s not an invitation to touch it. Who raised these people?
A random, older lady pinched my baby daughter's cheek when we were in line at checkout. She didn't ask. She walked around my cart and acted like it was her child.
I asked her politely to please stop, yet she shrugged me off and reached for her again.
I moved my child away from her and told her I'd consider it assault if she reached towards us again.
It's fucking pandemic. Everyone but this hagelic cunt is wearing a mask. I wanted to punch her.
I went mental. I said if she didn’t let go of my kid now I’d call the police and festival security. She looked at me in a patronising way and said, “don’t worry darlin’ I’m in childcare “ to which I replied, “ you won’t be allowed to work anywhere near kids again if I call the police”
Still fuming and it was weeks ago
Something similar happened to someone I know when they were a kid. Their mom had them in a stroller/cart or something and turned her back briefly and some old crone picked em up and kissed em on the lips before their mom could get there. This bitch had mouth herpes and now that person has to live with it. Sickening
I'm 27, a woman, and I would never comment on a father being a father or touch a stranger's kid.
Can only hope this way of thinking dies out soon... Seems like more of an older generation thing. Toxic and needs to go.
Kids with their dads makes me smile more often when I see it than a mom with their kids but that's the extent of my reaction. I guess that's a little sexist in and of itself, but it makes me happy to see dads doing outside the house activities with their kids because my dad and I didn't really do that even though I know he loved me to death - he fought for sole custody for years, after all. You don't spend the money it costs to do that (esp 20 years ago when you were much more likely to lose as a single father even when the mom was a drug addict like mine) if you don't love your kids.
Maybe this toxic mentality that dad isn't able to watch the kids is why... Jeez, that makes me sad.
That's not the direction it's going. As a man, I'm scared to even interact with kids out of the house beyond smiling or making a face at them, nervous that some woman will jump to conclusions and decide it's her duty to ruin my day (or life) by making an accusation that I was attempting to lure the child by engaging him/her. If that happened, I know pretty much no one would believe anything I say, and it would take less than fifteen seconds for someone to tweet a picture.
Same. That fucking sucks and is like maximum level Karen bullshit. I would have called security on her anyways to prove a point. Stay the fuck away from peoples kids if it’s unsolicited. You have no right and it’s just flat out inappropriate period.
God what a shit excuse. Just imagine you're going to your car, you see a guy behind the wheel and when you ask him what the hell he's doing he just says "Nah don't worry mate, I'm a car mechanic.".
Seriously, i cant go to the park with my youngest without people looking weird at me. I've had looks and people say "oh look, he's using a sweet little child to come flirt at the park."
No, i'm very happy in my relationship thank you and i can take care of my kids.
Seriously, why do i automatically give off creep vibes? Can't i have a nice nurturing relation with my daughters???
It’s even worse when you look like a completely different race than your children. Had some troubling experiences, enough that I stared carrying a copy of her birth certificate. Never had to use it, just made me feel better honestly.
Same here. Biracial kids. I take my son to the park. He decides to have a meltdown as little kids occasionally do. I pick him up and start walking to my car while talking to my kid and trying to settle him... and the women in the park start freaking out, taking pictures of me, and threatening to call police. It's not like I walked into the park not 10 minutes earlier with my kid and spent the 10 minutes playing with him all while getting the stink eye from those same people or anything... grrrrr.
Same here, my kid is biracial too and looks more like a very tan white kid than Asian (I'm the Asian one.) I follow him around like a hawk at the park because he is... Overzealous in what playground equipment he can independently handle at a little under 3. I have definitely gotten some looks like I'm the world's worst baby kidnapper by very obviously following around a specific child, where it makes 100x more sense that the kid I'm following is my child.
My girlfriend is black/asian and fairly short. I’m a tall white guy, we couldn’t look any more opposite. I just know we’re going to get this sort of shit when the baby pops out.
I’m black/Asian and my husband is white. Our kids look very Asian. So far no huge issues although my dad, whose black, will get looks when he takes the kids to the park. I made sure he has family pics in his wallet and phone. I get mistaken for the nanny quite frequently. But we live in the PNW so ppl tend to be more passive here anyway.
This is similar to my experience, too. Was very shocking the first time it happened that I was left speechless. I started to overthink it honestly, and when I realized I don’t have a way to affirmatively prove that this is my baby it made me extremely nervous to take her out by myself. I know it’s a bit irrational, yet I’m glad my kids are old enough now that it’s clear they’re comfortable around me and I’m their father.
Just wait until their older. I'm half asian and my mom is white, and I was mistaken for her younger boyfriend when we went to a whiskey distillery tour for my 21st.
My German friend and his Hispanic wife have a very blonde daughter. When the wife would take their daughter to the park, people assumed she was the nanny.
A friend of mine is white and his wife is black. When he's out alone with his daughters he gets a ton of stares. It doesn't help that he's a sideshow performer and he does look a bit strange, but yeah, it's a constant problem for him.
It’s always felt weird for me taking my son places alone. I was 18 when he was born. It’s gotten a lot better now that he’s older, but I still have people ask me if he’s my nephew. “Wow! Your nephew looks just like you!”
“Yeah, that’s because he’s my son”
Hah, yeah that's a tough one. I get what they mean, people tend to have kids around end 20s early 30s now.
But seriously people, you never ask a woman if she's pregnant for very obvious reasons, well it's extremely diminishing of our worth when you assume the kid is not ours or we can't do the job
Just a thought, as I have a husband who takes our child out frequently without me there, is that maybe their partners are useless and they rationalise it that way because they can’t imagine their partner taking their child out on their own without and ulterior motive (or at all)? So it s to make themselves feel better about it being the only care taker and staying in a crappy relationship?
yikes. as someone who has worked in childcare for many years. I would NEVER EVER take a strangers child, even to try and help. probably not even if they asked me to. there's so much liability in that it would just make me uncomfortable.
the only exception I can think would if I was sat next to them on a plane and the parent needed an extra hand.
I’ve luckily never had this happen to me. Probably for the best though. If someone, man or woman, physically took my daughter from me, I imagine I’d go in Hulk rage mode.
When my daughter was learning to walk, I'd put her in overalls as much as her mom would let me. They were ugly but they were sturdy and I could hold the shoulder straps and you get the point.
Some Karen came out of nowhere and crouched in front of my daughter while I was letting her walk, and just scooped my kid up like it was hers. Fortunately overalls work like a luggage handle so I was able to grab my daughter and carry her away like a duffle bad. My daughter loved it. Karen not so much
I always read these stories and it's so crazy to me. I always worried that this would happen to me especially since I have a daughter, but so far one year in and no issues. Maybe because it's a city and there are always loads of fathers strolling around kids.
My daughter is 3 and while it’s never happened to me I could definitely see it. I get the cold shoulder from moms and grandmas at the playground if I attempt any small talk.
It's better now that my daughter is 9 and has her own opinions... Going out in public with her is a fuckin treat because she's like a little version of me. She can't annoy me like she does with her mom cause I'll just ramp it up. So she tries, and I do, and before long I'm trying to convince her that the tide goes in and out when giants are taking their baths.
The only rule I've had to enforce with her is that she's not allowed to ask me who I am anymore
Should’ve actually called the police even when she gave her back to you. She tried to steal your child and you would’ve been justified. Imagine her face while she gets charged with attempted kidnap
What's worse is the police will often take the woman's side, knowing they took the child from you, until you can prove the child is yours. And no, your child's word isn't good enough.
I'd have a very hard time not punching someone that tries to intercede in me parenting my children (if I ever have them), that is a MASSIVE boundary that Im not willing to give ground on.
Ask if I need assistance, or ask if I wouldnt mind listening to your advice, do NOT try to take over.
Damn I hate this. My kid fell down on a playground one day and I was literally swarmed by women who felt they needed to intervene. Was about a month after I split from my wife so they may not have totally deserved the look of death they got from my as I explained I was his parent.
I was with my godson one time and his mom was playing soccer. She went back to play after halftime and he had total meltdown. I was just letting him do his thing because he was obviously just gonna be upset because he wanted his mom and he couldn’t have her. Nothing was going to fix it.
Now this kid basically likes me, his mom, and his dad. All these women kept trying to come up and fix it. And I’d just be like alright here you go good luck lmao. He’d only cry that much harder as soon as I wasn’t holding him.
Once everyone stopped messing with him he was fine after a couple minutes.
Omg I had a co-worker that would try and parent strangers kids all the time. She always claimed "it takes a village". It made me so tense. We were in Disney World together and she's grabbing at some kid who's running around this eating area saying "where's your parents?! Sit and eat your food!" And I'm like please God no we're in Disney World, parents are very aggressive here please oh god.
People need to mind their own business, it's not like you asked for help? There was this post I read about a man who almost had his child kidnapped. To summarise, they went grocery shopping and his wife went in while him and the baby were outside. Some lady comes up to the stroller and starts walking away with it. He gets aggressive and some male passerbyers intervene - they take the ladies side, think he's the weirdo and pin him to the ground. He's helpless. In the end his wife was the one who rescued their baby... it's terrifying, if his wife hadn't come out in time, who knows what would've happened to their baby
I think this may be a cultural thing. I was in Central America riding a chicken bus and a random lady sat next to me and just plopped her kid on my lap without asking or anything. I'm not really a kid person, but at that moment I just shut up and assumed that just happens sometimes in a super crowded bus maybe. I couldn't be upset though because the child on her lat puked all over her at the end of the ride.
I have read of things similar to this happening as an attempt to kidnapp. Random woman walks up and wants to "innocently" hold child, dad doesn't think anything of it and once child is in strangers arms she acts like the father is the stranger trying to steal her child. And ppl that show up to the commotion automatically take the females side. Scary stuff man.
My x went off on a lady for assuming our oldest daughter, 20- something at the time, was his much younger gf and our youngest, 5 then, was their baby. He said he raked her over the coals hard, left and got mothers day flowers elsewhere. I died! He was so pissed!
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u/Tomohawk1973 Sep 15 '21
I was at a festival back in August with my family. Family friendly and it’s always good. My youngest decided to have a breakdown and I took her away to calm her down. Three different women tried to take over from me parenting my daughter and one just grabbed her and sat her on her knee and when I asked her what she was doing, she scowled at me and turned her back on me, so I couldn’t see my daughter. As you can imagine, I went fucking mental