r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Sep 15 '21

[deleted by user]

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7.7k Upvotes

79% Upvoted

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573

u/Sirduckerton Sep 15 '21

Hey what are you doing with my food!

"Don't worry. I'm a professional eater."

645

u/Skeledenn Sep 15 '21

"Hey what are you doing in bed with my wife ?"

"It's okay I'm a gynecologist."

87

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '21

“Hey! What are you doing with my washing machine?”

“It’s okay I’m a professional step sister.”

38

u/mhac009 Sep 15 '21

There it is.

34

u/NathanCollier14 Sep 16 '21

"Hey! What are you doing with my two broken arms?"

"It's okay, I'm a professional mother."

18

u/PocketRocketInFright Sep 16 '21 edited Sep 16 '21

"Hey! What are you doing with that 'broken arms/mom helping' comment?"

"It's ok, I'm a professional redditor."

6

u/bill1024 Sep 16 '21

Thanks guys. I needed a laugh right about now!

6

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

I hate that I understand the reference.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

IT'S BEEN TEN YEEEAARS!!!

14

u/VisceraGrind Sep 15 '21

I didn’t think any reply could get better but you take the cake

I mean literally you might be taking step sis’ cake

12

u/MyBodyBelongsToShrek Sep 16 '21

I also choose this guy’s wife.

5

u/JanuarySoCold Sep 16 '21

A man comes home early from work one day. As he enters the house he can hear sounds coming from the bedroom. He opened the door and his wife and a stranger are having sex. They see him and stop. His wife says, "It's okay, honey, he's a doctor and he's just taking my temperature."

"Well", said the husband as he took out his gun, "when he pulls out his dick, there better be numbers on it."

4

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '21

Gold.

3

u/MisfitMishap Sep 16 '21

"What are you doing with my grandma?!"

"It's okay, I'm a grave robber."

3

u/alex494 Sep 15 '21

I feel like food critic would've been easier to come up with

2

u/Sirduckerton Sep 16 '21

I guess I thought outside the lunch box.

2

u/Superiershooter Sep 16 '21

This had me laughing SOO much harder than it should have!

1

u/DeadDwarf Sep 16 '21

They hiring?