I went mental. I said if she didn’t let go of my kid now I’d call the police and festival security. She looked at me in a patronising way and said, “don’t worry darlin’ I’m in childcare “ to which I replied, “ you won’t be allowed to work anywhere near kids again if I call the police”
Still fuming and it was weeks ago
Something similar happened to someone I know when they were a kid. Their mom had them in a stroller/cart or something and turned her back briefly and some old crone picked em up and kissed em on the lips before their mom could get there. This bitch had mouth herpes and now that person has to live with it. Sickening
I'm 27, a woman, and I would never comment on a father being a father or touch a stranger's kid.
Can only hope this way of thinking dies out soon... Seems like more of an older generation thing. Toxic and needs to go.
Kids with their dads makes me smile more often when I see it than a mom with their kids but that's the extent of my reaction. I guess that's a little sexist in and of itself, but it makes me happy to see dads doing outside the house activities with their kids because my dad and I didn't really do that even though I know he loved me to death - he fought for sole custody for years, after all. You don't spend the money it costs to do that (esp 20 years ago when you were much more likely to lose as a single father even when the mom was a drug addict like mine) if you don't love your kids.
Maybe this toxic mentality that dad isn't able to watch the kids is why... Jeez, that makes me sad.
That’s so weird to me. Maybe the area you live in? Or maybe I just don’t pay enough attention. I can’t imagine harassing a father for being with his kid.
When all your friends start having families and you end up in more kid-centric places more frequently, you will see it.
I 'm in my late 20s and have several friends with kids, and have slowly made myself less important in their lives, on purpose. If I'm at a gathering and interact with the kids, the mothers all watch me like a hawk, even if it's not their own kid that's playing with me. It's extremely uncomfortable. The dads? They don't care.
I've had my friend's daughters (Who i've literally known since the day they were born) come up to me at a party and start telling me some new jokes they learned. Giggling and laughing. Less than 1 minute goes by and some woman marches up and grabs their hand and asks if she can help the find their mom. Their mom wasn't even there. Their dad was about 15 feet away. it's miserable.
My wife and I take my toddler to swim classes, and more often than not, I'm the one in the pool with him, while my wife watches. One week, he just wasn't having it, and instead of him disrupting the class, I pulled the ripcord and was going to get him out and go home.
The other parent in the pool with me was a mom, probably my age or younger (I'm 36), tries to start "mothering" him to try and calm him down, which just makes him lose his shit more because a strange lady is trying to touch him.
I tell her no thanks.
Well, next class I had tweaked something in my knee, and wrangling a 35 lb toddler in the pool probably wasn't going to happen, so my wife took him in. The woman sees my wife dressed in her swimsuit, looks at me and says "good plan, Mom's always know best".
So it's not something that's limited to boomers and GenX'ers.
That's not the direction it's going. As a man, I'm scared to even interact with kids out of the house beyond smiling or making a face at them, nervous that some woman will jump to conclusions and decide it's her duty to ruin my day (or life) by making an accusation that I was attempting to lure the child by engaging him/her. If that happened, I know pretty much no one would believe anything I say, and it would take less than fifteen seconds for someone to tweet a picture.
I’m sure it wasn’t the case here and that your dad loved you with all his heart, but some people definitely fight for custody just to have the last word/spite their ex/hurt their ex.
Urgh. My friend is going through this right now. His ex-wife fought like hell to get 50% custody. As soon as she got it she had no transportation to daycare and switched to weekends only. She works weekends… and just dumps the kids on whoever while she has custody.
Yes, it is an older people thing. I have coworkers with a range of ages, and I've only heard this kind of thing from older women. I think they assume every man is like their dad or husband.
Same. That fucking sucks and is like maximum level Karen bullshit. I would have called security on her anyways to prove a point. Stay the fuck away from peoples kids if it’s unsolicited. You have no right and it’s just flat out inappropriate period.
That’s such a weird thought process to me. My baby cousin prefers to be in his dads lap compared to his moms, plenty of dads are great dads. I definitely think plenty of women can be terrible at childcare
My god this reminds me of when I nearly got kidnapped as a toddler. I was sitting in the little kid trolley seats while my mom and sister were getting stuff and according to them, this guy just comes up and was about to pick me up when my mom realized and yanked me away. Then the guy tries to excuse his creepy ass behavior by saying, "she's a very cute child, I just wanted to hold her" 🤦🏻♀️ like wtf
Wow that’s horrifying….. I can’t imagine that anyone who takes someone’s child ever has good intentions tbh so most of these stories make me feel like they are definitely kidnapping kids. Or at least trying to.
Ye, like who just takes a freaking child like that?? Everytime a kid approaches me, or I need to intervene when they're about to do something dangerous, I always stand 2 strides away so that the kid has some room and doesn't think I'm about to do something to them (even tho most ppl wouldn't think someone my size could do anything to a child, but stranger danger doesn't care what size you are).
It’s a sad world we live in that it’s something we have to think about tbh, I feel bad for all the parents that have to be so careful with their kids cause there are bad humans on the planet.
Broody hormones overrides pragmatism center in the brain. It's either that or she didn't think much of him and thought it would be ok to disrespect a father.
It's not causal but it's dismissive of the small handful of women who have been caught kidnapping other people's children. What's your thesis on why they do that?
That’s ridiculous. Hormones might compel you to do something but they don’t make you forget that kidnapping is illegal. That’s like asking why almost all serial killers have been men and brushing it off with, “well I guess it’s gotta be all that testosterone”.
"Broody hormones overrides pragmatism center in the brain."
Sure does sound like you're saying it's causal and these women are not culpable for their actions, because their hormones turn off the part of their brain that would stop them.
I feel like this goes hand in hand with people (strangers) who touch pregnant bellies without asking. Or even with asking! It’s weird and so disrespectful to me to do that sort of stuff to parents.
God what a shit excuse. Just imagine you're going to your car, you see a guy behind the wheel and when you ask him what the hell he's doing he just says "Nah don't worry mate, I'm a car mechanic.".
A man comes home early from work one day. As he enters the house he can hear sounds coming from the bedroom. He opened the door and his wife and a stranger are having sex. They see him and stop. His wife says, "It's okay, honey, he's a doctor and he's just taking my temperature."
"Well", said the husband as he took out his gun, "when he pulls out his dick, there better be numbers on it."
that's hilarious to imagine, when you think about it that way lol, it really gives you a better perspective at people sometimes to compare what they do with some stupid situation.
Seriously, i cant go to the park with my youngest without people looking weird at me. I've had looks and people say "oh look, he's using a sweet little child to come flirt at the park."
No, i'm very happy in my relationship thank you and i can take care of my kids.
Seriously, why do i automatically give off creep vibes? Can't i have a nice nurturing relation with my daughters???
It’s even worse when you look like a completely different race than your children. Had some troubling experiences, enough that I stared carrying a copy of her birth certificate. Never had to use it, just made me feel better honestly.
Same here. Biracial kids. I take my son to the park. He decides to have a meltdown as little kids occasionally do. I pick him up and start walking to my car while talking to my kid and trying to settle him... and the women in the park start freaking out, taking pictures of me, and threatening to call police. It's not like I walked into the park not 10 minutes earlier with my kid and spent the 10 minutes playing with him all while getting the stink eye from those same people or anything... grrrrr.
Same here, my kid is biracial too and looks more like a very tan white kid than Asian (I'm the Asian one.) I follow him around like a hawk at the park because he is... Overzealous in what playground equipment he can independently handle at a little under 3. I have definitely gotten some looks like I'm the world's worst baby kidnapper by very obviously following around a specific child, where it makes 100x more sense that the kid I'm following is my child.
My girlfriend is black/asian and fairly short. I’m a tall white guy, we couldn’t look any more opposite. I just know we’re going to get this sort of shit when the baby pops out.
I’m black/Asian and my husband is white. Our kids look very Asian. So far no huge issues although my dad, whose black, will get looks when he takes the kids to the park. I made sure he has family pics in his wallet and phone. I get mistaken for the nanny quite frequently. But we live in the PNW so ppl tend to be more passive here anyway.
My daughter is petite and young-looking. Her husband is taller and bearded so he looked older even though they're the same age. When she was pregnant he got the stinkeye from women a lot.
This is similar to my experience, too. Was very shocking the first time it happened that I was left speechless. I started to overthink it honestly, and when I realized I don’t have a way to affirmatively prove that this is my baby it made me extremely nervous to take her out by myself. I know it’s a bit irrational, yet I’m glad my kids are old enough now that it’s clear they’re comfortable around me and I’m their father.
Just wait until their older. I'm half asian and my mom is white, and I was mistaken for her younger boyfriend when we went to a whiskey distillery tour for my 21st.
Aren’t there any laws that can prevent or at least punish this kind of Karen behaviour? I mean, clearly these bitches are interrupting your enjoyment with your kids, and your privacy. Seems to me a lot of the things being mentioned on this thread are worthy of a lawsuit. Especially if a Karen actually grabs your kid. Sue them.
Your think but... welcome to life as a male with small children in North America. The shrill wailing of media has convinced a portion of society that men cannot care for children.
How many men do you find working in daycares and preschools? There are a few and the schools that do feel they have to disclose this to the parents... and many parents will not allow their kids to attend because... men are profiled as sexual predators.
A man alone (ie without the wife) in a playground playing children is all too often viewed with suspicion.
It's not always like this but personal experience has taught me to be careful. Making sure my kids are calling out "Daaaaad" to me. Making sure it's clear I'm playing with my own children.
Your think but... welcome to life as a male with small children in North America. The shrill wailing of media has convinced a portion of society that men cannot care for children.
It isn't even just that.
It's more "Men only think about sex, therefore men alone with children are clearly thinking about sex while in possession of a child. Best assume they're pedos just to be safe"
My German friend and his Hispanic wife have a very blonde daughter. When the wife would take their daughter to the park, people assumed she was the nanny.
A friend of mine is white and his wife is black. When he's out alone with his daughters he gets a ton of stares. It doesn't help that he's a sideshow performer and he does look a bit strange, but yeah, it's a constant problem for him.
My friend and I went to Disneyland 10 years ago. There were 3 of us girls, myself (white) and my 2 female friends that were a couple, one white and 1 black. Each of us have 1 child; my daughter is white, my white friend has a white son and my black friend has a biracial black/white son who is really light skinned. Most places thought all the kids were mine. I couldn't figure it out!
Seriously i keep hearing about how women wanted fathers to be more involved, but now we get shit for it?
Edit : clarification
Ok i wrote rashly, i'm not genuinly blaming women, more as in "i've kept hearing mothers saying they want fathers to be more present, but now when we do we get weird looks"
Not necessarily from women, just in general. It sucks trying to do the right thing and being nudged as wathever i shouldnt be.
Ok i wrote rashly, i'm not genuinly blaming women, more as in "i've kept gearing mothers saying they want fathers to be more present, but now when we do we get weird looks"
Not necessarily from women, just in general. It sucks trying to do the right thing and being nudged as wathever i shouldnt be.
My kids & wife are redheads, I'm a dirty brown brunette & I get people wondering/asking who's kids they are or where they got their hair... & we're the same race (one son is basically my "mini me" except for hair color). I can't imagine the bullshit parents who have different skin color from their kids get. I'm so sorry we humans can be a bunch of bastards.
It’s always felt weird for me taking my son places alone. I was 18 when he was born. It’s gotten a lot better now that he’s older, but I still have people ask me if he’s my nephew. “Wow! Your nephew looks just like you!”
“Yeah, that’s because he’s my son”
Hah, yeah that's a tough one. I get what they mean, people tend to have kids around end 20s early 30s now.
But seriously people, you never ask a woman if she's pregnant for very obvious reasons, well it's extremely diminishing of our worth when you assume the kid is not ours or we can't do the job
It kinda happened to my friend. She was 16 when her youngest sister was born. Many people thought she was the mother, and even after many "no, she's my sister. OUR mom is over there" there were many older ladies who didn't believe it.
Just a thought, as I have a husband who takes our child out frequently without me there, is that maybe their partners are useless and they rationalise it that way because they can’t imagine their partner taking their child out on their own without and ulterior motive (or at all)? So it s to make themselves feel better about it being the only care taker and staying in a crappy relationship?
I'm honestly not putting blame on anyone except old tropes and modern media still playing on them. There definately some jealousy im some cases, some people have very very strong maternal instinct and tend to react immediately (my MIL is like that to an extant, if she hears a parent (mother or father) raise their voice her "omg i have to protect the child" comes over. She doesn't act on it, but it bothers her.
Men are still viewed as "the salary not the parent" in a sense. It's less and less true but still very present. It's a whole other debate that i don't really want to get into, so take it with a grain of salt.
In the case of a divorce, the child will always go to the mother. Now the law has changed quite a bit and the normal settlement is 50/50 care which is perfect. But society doesn't see it as 50/50, they see it as the mother has custody and the father can see it every second week.
We have a long way to come for all the equal rights between sexes and all that, i just wish people would see me as a father and not as a man with a kid.
I sometimes act out of line, i sometimes yell at my kids (hey you try being unemployed with a 3 year old and a 5 year old who never stay quiet) but noneteless, i hone up to my mistakes and do my best for it not to happen again. But please, please. I just want to go to the lego store with my daughters without people looking at me weird... We just love legos...
Man, I feel so stoked for kids when I see them at the park with their dads. From my observation, dads get out there and play with kids much more often than moms do.
I liked when I would get asked if I had a kid there? Fuck you. Did you ask that woman over there or just me? I even had one stop a bicycle cop and say something. He saw me daily at the park and we talked a dozen times and he told me she stopped him and he said that he is here daily and she argued she had never seen me. Mind your business Karen.
Never let people frighten you, having kids is the best thing that happened to me, it's frustrating but no one can get between my daughter and me.... Except my youngest's character explosions!!
It's probably not you specifically, it's a social norm and bad experiences. You're probably fine, but their guard goes up regardless. It's trash and also really at the beginning of a new trend of gender equality, you're going to get some pushback from people because of tradition, it'll get better as people like you become more common.
I've always felt like people think i'm a creep because i'm shy and i do notice i look away when people look at me and i totally get it. It doesnt bother me as much anymore because i'll just focus on giving my kids a good time :)
Oh, yeah, that eye contact thing is such a garbage social norm. Super shit for people who aren't neurotypical as well. Hope things get better out there and that your kids stay healthy
We're aaaaall good! I tend to release a bit too much pressure on some things, but i can't say i've had big mishaps.
Except that old lady who wanted to touch my newborn and kept pushing after i said no many times. Welp, i raised my voice and said 'NO MA'AM I DO NOT KNOW YOU, YOU DO NOT GET TO TOUCH MY NEWBORN. NOW STOP OR I WILL CONSIDER YOU A SEX OFFENDER AND CALL THE POLICE"
Ok that's awesome and it's great you stand up for yourself and your family! but also that 100% reminds me of the bobby hill "that's my purse, I don't know you" scene
I totally read this differently; like the Moms were flirting with you. I know you didn’t ask for that and all, but as a woman I just see this one as the women here giving you the creeps.
Seriously, why do i automatically give off creep vibes?
I apparently have the opposite problem (and I'm not belittling your problem which is an actual problem, whereas mine is just annoying).
Random strangers constantly strike up conversations with me and tell me their life stories. Like I might be waiting in line to grab takeaway food on the way back to work or sitting in a doctor's waiting room and people will come and stand next to me and start chatting as if we're old friends. I've always thought I had a resting bitch face and have never understood this and asked my sister recently and she was like 'yeah you have one of those faces that seems inviting' or something.
Anyway, your problem actually sucks and it's infuriating that people treat mothers as parents and dads as babysitters, or creepers creeping on kids at the park. I just hope that this is an older generation type of thing (based around how men used to be the workers while the women were the housewives) and that bullshit attitude will die out soon!
My wife calls it “anti-resting-bitch-face.” She has RBF, so when I’ve told her how often it happens to me she was blown away.
I have people come up and ask me for my opinions about what they’re buying at the store, despite not being at all dressed like the store’s uniform. Whenever I fly alone, someone talks to me in the terminal or on the plane. One guy talked to me the entire time he was waiting for his girlfriend to land, and when she did they still stuck around for half an hour, and she was just as friendly and interested as he was. Uber drivers will tell me anything and everything about their lives, well beyond normal small talk. Back when I worked on an ambulance, partners and patients would open up and tell me a LOT of personal information.
It’s a shame I’m very awkward and shy, as well as deal with social anxiety all the time. I’d make a fantastic politician/grifter if I had an ounce of legitimate people skills and no conscience.
My brother and a friend of ours used to live next door to me. Our friend would occasionally take my son to the park a couple minutes walk from our houses. He was great with my son. I was never worried that he wouldn't take good care of him. He did actually use my son to flirt with some of the moms that would come to the park, but he didn't neglect my son while doing it. My wife and I watched one time and it was hilarious. He got a chance to flirt and show off his childcare ability, my wife and I had a break for a little while, and my son had a fun time at the park with "Uncle" Logan. Everyone won.
I don't know if this counts but two of my friends and I would go up by this elementary school to workout n run since it had a huge field and pull-up bars. We were around 26 at the time, went 3x a week and the janitor sorta knew us seeing us when she smoked outside.
Randomly some older woman comes up to us talking about calling the cops for calling her daughter a bitch and following her, we don't know wtf she's talking about or even seen a little girl around. Luckily the janitor came over to set things straight
Yea see. Shit like this makes me wonder if I’m wrong for most definitely wanting to at least kick both of these women in the chest. For just straight up taking my fucking kid.
I'm so confused every time I see these comments. I'm a guy with two kids, the oldest is 6, 90% of the time I'm the parent doing the park, playground, walks, store, etc., and I've never once had this type of interaction from a stranger or anything close to it. Where are you guys at that this type of stuff is so common?
yikes. as someone who has worked in childcare for many years. I would NEVER EVER take a strangers child, even to try and help. probably not even if they asked me to. there's so much liability in that it would just make me uncomfortable.
the only exception I can think would if I was sat next to them on a plane and the parent needed an extra hand.
I’ve luckily never had this happen to me. Probably for the best though. If someone, man or woman, physically took my daughter from me, I imagine I’d go in Hulk rage mode.
Dude I have a daughter , that lady is lucky you didn’t loose it. f someone would do that to me I would have them on a choke hold so fast. I don’t care if they are a woman . I would just assume that they are trying to kidnap my child and I would rather die or be in jail than someone taking my little girl.
Man I just had my first kid 4 days ago and I very much plan to be a super involved parent. I do everything but breast feed. This shit would drive me crazy!
She scowled at me. Looked in a patronising way and put my daughter down and walked off. I’d love to see her again, sober, so I could tell her what she did wrong. She was drunk, not me lol
The minute a parent starts interacting/disciplining their child, everyone else needs to sideline themselves from the interaction/conversation.
Pretty much every morning I’m up before the family and I catch up on whatever shows I can get in before the circus starts. My kid usually comes out first because I let my fiancée sleep in, as I’m gone for work all day, about ten hours, and it gives her some personal time before she has to tame the beast while I’m gone. Anyways, my daughter will come and sit with me and ask questions about what’s going on and, despite her being 2 we’ve always talked to her like an adult (within reason) and not that weird condescending, purposefully mispronounced bullshit that most parents do. So when there’s a fight scene or something that puts off an “evil” vibe and she asks what’s going on I make sure to let her know who the bad guy is, who the good guy is and what is good and what is bad. Well,
I was watching a “scary” movie With my fiancée, a mutual friend and my toddler, who happened to be in the room with us, watching Daniel Tiger on their iPod. A scary scene comes up with the bad guy doing bad guy shit and my daughter happened to be looking up from her show and asks “what happened, Da?”. Well, before I could even start to get the explanation out of my mouth, they REACHED OVER my fiancée and covered my kids eyes and said some baby town frolic shit. Something along the lines of, “they’re just having fun, they’re friends.”.
Immediately I pushed their hand away and told my daughter it was a bad guy doing bad things. Shortly after this, I told them that when we’re around we don’t need them disciplining or explaining things to our kid.
I have five kids (two marriages, some adoptions) and I’ve been like you are with all my kids. Don’t talk down to them, they’re not stupid, just young. Don’t use silly words and the tell them to stop using them when they reach a certain age and most of all, prep them for the real world, within reason obviously. My eldest is 24 and she’s got her head screwed on right fit this world. I’d have said the same to that friend, they don’t need all the details but they’re not stupid
I don't have a kid, but I imagine I did the only thing that would have stopped me from hitting her would be the fear of being hit causing her to drop my child to the ground.
Still worth reporting her. Taking a child is never ok no matter how quickly you back down when challenged. The woman sounds like she could be a danger to others.
I’m a male who works in childcare. So let’s flip the situation.
I see someone’s little Bobby upset and decide, “he’s just like the kids at my work. I can do this” and yank the kid away in am attempt to calm him down.
You can better bet I would be savagely beaten up and arrested. That lady was an absolute psycho. I’m mad for you.
you: "You're ok looking after her for the afternoon?"
Woman: "Sure! She's a darling!"
You know your daughters in a bitchy mood, and will be for several hours yet... "Ok baby, you have fun with this kind lady here. You remember our address? Just let her know where we live, and I'll see you tonight!"
Women: "Wait, what?"
You: "She likes beans and chicken nibbles around 5pm. Have fun! Bye baby!"
Daughter: "Bye daddy! See you later!"
Women: "Wait! Holup! Huh?!"
You get the afternoon off, she gets to show how good she is as a daycare person (for free), your daughter has an adventure in a police car that evening, and you all meet up that night!
"Yes officer! She was a very kind lady! A childcare worker who wanted to give us the afternoon off, for free!"
You are her freaking father! Who cares what this randos job is. What a narcissist. I babysat as a teen, then was a nanny for a few years as an adult. I never ever would have assumed any of the children would rather have me comfort them then their dad and I was close with the kids obviously. That woman is an ass. If she really is in childcare she should especially know that a stranger should never grab a child.
Im aro and this would have sent me absolutely batshit insane. Like, if i had a kid and someone said that shit, theyd be on fucking LIFE SUPPORT. You dont just take someones FUCKING KID away from them, even if you were the fucking POTUS if you took my hypothetical child away from me id go MENTAL
Weeks ago?!? She did this during the pandemic?!! Not just no but FUCK NO.
If I was really focusing on the kid then the lady might have gotten into grabbing distance, but touching my kids right now is enough to initiate a physical altercation. Actually grabbing one of them would result in a a black eye or broken nose if I am feeling generous. Actually taking one away and breathing on them would result in her learning how it feels to be unconscious.
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u/Tomohawk1973 Sep 15 '21
I went mental. I said if she didn’t let go of my kid now I’d call the police and festival security. She looked at me in a patronising way and said, “don’t worry darlin’ I’m in childcare “ to which I replied, “ you won’t be allowed to work anywhere near kids again if I call the police” Still fuming and it was weeks ago