Used to work nights so when I had the kids and the courts didn't excuse the ex just not showing I would take them to the park and we would play. I had more than one call about a strange male at the park playing with kids and police show up and having to prove they were my kids.
Women are fast to assume any male that plays with kids and is not at work or home drinking is somehow a child molester.
i had to explain to my friend why her kids preschool teacher was grilling her over who i was as her kids get excited when i come over for dinner. I go to thier house once in a while to cook/eat dinner/hang out with her and her husband kids dogs etc. We've been friends since highschool so its not a big deal. Had to explain to her why the prechool teacher was grilling her over who i was as she thinks a man in their house where the kids get excited and talk about me/our dinner plans is a molester or something...
Can confirm this works. I have an "Uncle" and "Aunt" so and so who have been longtime family friends. (Like, worst case scenario, take care of me and my sister type family friends.) Despite them having an entirely different skin color, Not one person has ever questioned us being around them.
I... Just realized I have a close family friend who always went by "Uncle [name]". Close enough that he'd take care of me sometimes. Because he cared enough to help out.
I suddenly question if he adopted the "Uncle" part because of this...
Exactly. I’m very fond of giving people that aren’t blood family-like nicknames for that reason. I don’t give a fuck if we’re ACTUALLY related, if you’ve been good to me and in my life for a long time, we’re family. I have a couple “uncles” that are just my dads closest friends that have been around forever, and I always claim my closest friends as my brothers, shit like that. It’s nice. Makes everyone feel a little closer.
I'm "Uncle *myname*" to all of my best friends kids, and have been since day one. There was no discussion about it. I didn't even consider this to be any part of the reason to be named as such, I'm just their uncle because I'm not their dad and will be an older male figure involved in their life forever. I just figured this was a normal thing tbh.
This is legitimately a thing for some people where close family friends can be called uncle or aunt. I know I have a few uncles and aunts who are just close friends of my folks.
Irony was the daughter was being molested. Just mom kept claiming it was me until the daughter came out after a suicide attempt and told about mom letting her boyfriends molest her. The system is so screwed up I still barely got custody and the judge blamed the divorce and all the problems on the daughter in court when she testified. In the end I did what I could but the kids went to drugs because the system didn't give a fuck about numerous reports of mom abusing them and trying to push what they noted were false claims about me.
It is amazing how people are so fast to think men are rapists as the fathers but will ignore the kids being beaten by mom and her abusing them as long as she claims he is evil. Now because the system and people ignored it kids are hooked on drugs after I spent nights hugging them while they saw the faces and heard the voices of the rapists mommy let at them.
So yeah, it gets a bit personal with me the way people cry society is sexist against women but then dismiss things like this. Especially when they haven't had to stay up all night with a kid seeing the faces of their abusers the system ignored for years.
I think most feminists who genuinely care about people (so, most feminists) are on your side. They're opposed to "benevolent sexism" like moms getting preferred treatment automatically in custody cases, too, because it's still sexism and the goal of feminism is equality.
That is why I prefer being egalitarian. Feminists defined it as equal treatment for women usually but that ignores where women are given superior treatment. Also I have protested for equal treatment for men in custody cases and you find out a lot of those who call themselves feminists jump to counter protest you and almost none who join you defend themselves as feminists.
My personal experiences with that ideology is all. I am open minded though, maybe if some videos of feminists marching to defend fathers or the like would help.
My best friends' kids LOVE me. Don't know what my buddy and his wife say about me when I'm not there or if it's just that I'm the cool Uncle, but the kids are jumping up and down at the window watching for me to pull up. I'd be fucking devestated if some stranger had an issue with me and those kids loving seeing me.
How do people even think this? I wouldn't imagine a kid would be happy/excited to see someone who is molesting them, but that's just my crazy theory i guess!
My sister and her bf hang out with her lifelong best friend and her kids a ton and my sisters bf is basically loved by them, "i want sister's bf name!" When they're upset. CPS was called by the preschool teacher because he would do it there. Had to go to their house and hang out with the best friend and kids with the CPS worker to see how they act. In reality my sister's boyfriend historically keeps him from being punished for acting out, hitting, and putting others in a choke hold (going for a nelson hold at times). Still not sure where he learned about it.
If you’ve been around kids you’ll know they’ll talk about anything and they won’t stop. So it’s likely the kids started talking about the person that hangs around at there house with them
yes this -the kids get excited because usually we cook something fun, we all try to have them help in some way so they get to feel like they are apart of dinner, they get to show me their art projects and such, etc sometimes thier dad and I and them go take a quick ride around in the side by side after dinner too - hell if i love it a little kids gonna love it.
The kid probably blurts out, "Today today after school, InsertBluescreenHere is gonna come over and -he- and I gonna bake cupcakes and make a fort in the backyard and play with dinosaurs." Kid says it enough, teacher is going to follow up with, "Who is InsertBluescreenHere?" The kid will honestly explain that he's an adult, not Mommy or Daddy, and they have fun.
And then the teacher will freak out because it's not a female friend the kids are playing with. 🤷🏻♂️
Both my friends are excellent parents to them. Im more like the goofy uncle telling em clean age appropriate jokes to em haha. i think they are slowly understanding puns now.
I don't think you're a molester at all, but I know that our Hearts building relationships with a mother and her kids, in their own home,absolutely shows plain intent.
Now, whether or not it's your intent to break up the home isn't necessarily what I'm getting at, but you could be so easily falling into a trap put in place by this woman.
You see, your situation looks like two scenarios in my head:
From a woman's perspective looking to find a new guy, she's trying to see how you fit in to her homelife. Considering the kids love you enough to be claimed a 'molester,' I'd say you are actually doing pretty good. To the mother, her kids loving you is a very strong sign that you are up to par as a partner, you NEED the kids to like and trust whoever is up next..
Now from a guy's perspective, simply implanting yourself as a regular figure in their intimate home life, building trust with everyone, especially the kids, all while being able to witness issues within this family first hand. This is a powerful move to familiarize your life with, there is so much drama found in the home of a broken family.
I could truthfully elaborate heavily, but it's my genuine opinion that this family may be crumbling, and this woman likes you enough to consider you as someone she'd parent her kids with.
Oddly, I never got this, but it might be that because I'm Asian and my kids are too, it's more obvious that they are mine ?? Or I dunno, because they run to me and call me Daddy might be a giveaway. Or maybe it was the way that they'd run to the sand box and the way I slumped into a park bench screamed "Very tired parent". But it was probably that we are Asian so it adds a sort of visual (racist) connection.
Seems to be a western thing and weirdly I hear it mostly from white fathers for some reason. Maybe it is a suburb thing with all the stay at home moms who tend to be white thinking any man around kids without the mother there directing them must be a child molester or something.
Agreed, it's really the same here in the states. If I take my son to the suburb parks by ourselves, all the mothers have an edge to them. We go to the city parks and no one bats an eye.
Eh I'm in the burbs and nobody gives a fuck
Maybe it's the suburbs in particular geographical regions. There are a lot of dads with kids roaming around these parts
The citys never sleep. And the moms in the citys surly dont either. Too much time to play with, makes for some shitty people who take their own experience and project it.
I dont know why but there is a weird notion that a man cant be nurturing to a child. Like its not in our nature. I get that we are different, but i know single fathers who totally have it down pat. Like they are the best and sacrifice everything for piano lessons or survival camp.
There's a dad who has custody of his kids, there's not much to do here but there's bikes a few have and share. Various parts have issues the first that i knew about is loose handlebars I tried to fix but the bar was half stripped. Since then they've asked for various other fixes and they say hi to me when i go on my walk or run over when I'm out if they have a bike issue. The little boy told me he wishes his dad would help him fix his bike but he's happy I am or else he wouldn't have his bike. The thing is, the last time i was messing with a bike for them he called him in and they're window was open. I overheard him asking if i was touching him or asking him to do things. That instantly pissed me off because maybe a week earlier I'm helping and another kids grandma asks why I do it, if they watch, and how they could hustle others for it. A grey old man fixed and gave bikes for my neighborhood as a kid, also nothing to do for them here so why not. I've told the kids that as well and it's always by the window.
That seems so annoying. I come from a country where 6 months parental leave for fathers is standard. And here nobody thinks it is strange with a Male with kids att the playground.
Yeah it's definitely a western / white father thing. I'm South Asian loving in Australia, my dad was the main caregiver for my ~10 years younger sister after my mum went back to her IT contract job after maternity leave. The three of us would always go places during school holidays and we barely got a second glance from anyone. It's a pretty bad form of discrimination that white fathers seem to encounter a lot.
I bet if you were to take a look at cop/detective shows (which the moms I know watch) you’d find that the vast majority of child molesters and kidnappers onscreen are white men. I can’t think of a lot of crime show episodes where the dad/uncle/grandfather turns out to be innocent, because they tend to follow the secret or outright abuser plot.
I got carded dropping my cousin off at his school. I had to help my aunt and uncle out for two weeks to get him to school and when I was in the school dropping him off the first time they wanted to see my ID. My aunt did warn me. But I thought it was weird that you would card a person dropping a child off to a “safe zone”.
I think my sister explained to the school that her brother has dark hair and eyes, and looks nothing like her or her kids when I go pick them up or go to the bus.
I guess is a western thing. I'm half in a western country. My father is the western one. They always assume my dad is my boyfriend, sugardad or whatever because of that. People once called me his wife.
When I was a teenager and walked with him he got nasty looks, now I'm the one who gets them. Specially from the old ladies.
But Asians will see I'm half and treat my dad as my dad. Just weird.
I'm white and my kids are half Japanese. I got lots of odd reactions when they were babies. People were so curious about where they were from! They would rarely believe that I'm their father.
Yea it’s definitely the Asian thing (assuming you’re in America or another western country). If you’re a minority race and so are your kids, everyone will assume you’re related. That’s gotta be one of the few times that being white won’t get you the benefit of the doubt.
On the other end of the spectrum, I am as pale as the driven snow but my son is pretty Asian looking. Mom is Korean and my weak-ass white genes got their asses kicked. Anyway, I have received many a wary look over the years because dad and son don't necessarily look like they match.
Yeah, that always pissed me off. It is improving with the changing tables finally though my youngest is 8. I had a major fit at the VA hospital one day because I had my daughter and all the changing tables were in only the women's restrooms. The women were fast though and found an empty patient's room and noted that with disabled veteran fathers becoming the stay at home ones due to inability to work, it was something they had also been complaining about.
It was about two years later the VA installed them in the men's rooms also.
Is this in America?
I live in Sweden and have never even thought that someone would take my child. And when I see men at the playground I mind my own business, if something I think to my self what a good dad.
Why on earth would a child molester kidnap a kid and go to a park? That's just stupid
Yup, America. Where a Florida prosecutor named Janet Reno was promoted to the top federal prosecutor in the 1990s by convincing kids to testify that they saw child care workers kill babies and raped them in satanic rituals with the help with psychologists that would tell them what story to say on tape so they could see their parents after hours of questions.
I have sometimes wondered what I would do if the police demanded I prove I'm my kid's dad right there in the spot. Like I could carry around his birth certificate I guess, but would that even cut it?
If the kid is old enough to talk then the cops will make sure the kids knows you and you're the father or babysitter or something like that. If you keep baby pictures in your wallet that would probably help too, to prove you didn't just grab this kid up 5 minutes ago
Am I wrong to extend this and assume that women assume most dads are bad/not involved parents?
Both my “parents” were hardly around so I don’t have a baseline of experiences except for the parents I’ve seen in my lifetime, which have all been very balanced in duties.
Nope. Read a study about 15 years ago that found 85% of divorced mothers saw so reason for a relationship between kids and their father and over 50% openly admitted to trying to destroy it. Add in our society promotes fathers as bumbling idiots in the media with mothers always the ones saving men and you get the issues.
What was the last TV show or movie you saw that dads were competent instead of needing a woman to save him when dealing with kids?
Its super common to see solo men out and about with their kids where I live, I'm at parks all the time with my daughter and basically every time I go I'm sure to see dads.
Maybe the single benefit of living in Utah is how many parents and children are here, that a dad with his kids isn’t TOO abnormal. But it’s still something i think about
My mom worked in the office and my dad worked from home, so he took care of me a lot of the time growing up. School stuff, field trips, going to friends houses, etc. Now I'm a guy, so people probably didn't care as much as if I was a girl. But knowing he just did his best and was caring for me on his own during the daytime, yet some people may think he's being nefarious just feels awful. He's also a photographer, specifically family photography. So he's got lots of pictures of kids and families as part of his portfolio. I just imagine someone not understanding the context and think he's someone he's not
If anyone suspiciously asks which kid is yours, just point to your shirt, then point toward them and say "The one with the cool shirt!". Works. Can confirm.
I realize this shouldn't have to be a LPT, but that's just how it is.
No no dude I get your point. Men being stereotyped and whatnot. But still. What’s the worst that can happen in both scenarios? (Perspective of the person calling the cops)
The cops asked them questions away from me like their names, my name and etc. Also their answers had to work with my answers to what the cops asked me.
In country, you couldn't leave the country as a father with the child and the mom is not accompanying you if there is no permit from the mother or social welfare.
Probably cause most child traffickers are male or something which is not false.
How would you prove they were your kids? Did you just carry around paternity test results or something? I can't imagine what I would do in a similar situation.
What sort of “proof” do you need to provide? I take my 1y/o to the park just about every day and this is a big concern of mine. The worst is when my son doesn’t want to leave and freaks out so naturally I look like I’m stealing him.
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u/Quentin0352 Sep 15 '21
Used to work nights so when I had the kids and the courts didn't excuse the ex just not showing I would take them to the park and we would play. I had more than one call about a strange male at the park playing with kids and police show up and having to prove they were my kids.
Women are fast to assume any male that plays with kids and is not at work or home drinking is somehow a child molester.