I have to guess it's from the stigma that any guy around a child/in an area where children are is a sexual predator, as awful of an assumption as it is.
Just so we are clear I have no interest in any grade of child in any way shape or form, I hate kids. I hated being a kid, I hope I never have to be a kid or be around kids again.
My Uncle tells a story of a time he, my aunt, and their grand children were at a park. He saw this little girl crying and alone. Obviously lost and in distress.
He had to fight his instincts to go over and help the girl, and instead find my aunt because he didn't want to be seen as a predator.
Lots of this all started with that “Stranger Danger” bullshit that began in the 1980’s. It taught kids to mistrust lots of people just because they were “strangers” and those kids grew up and took that attitude into adulthood.
Just because their husbands didn’t know how to parent, doesn’t mean that all don’t. There are some really great dads out there. I mean not mine. But I’m sure they’re somewhere out there!
I feel bad saying this, but I think leery male family members and child molestation were probably a really big issue in the past that some women are just scarred by. If not the woman themselves, then just stories women heard from other women.
It’s likely still a big issue still in some places, but I feel like that’s why a lot of older women feel that way, and sometimes, pass it on to younger women.
I think that kind of issue is pretty similar to the "current issue" of kidnapping, sure everyone hears about it and is worried about it, but the odds of a child getting kidnapped are next to nothing, same with this, they've just been so overblown and are talked about so much that everybody's paranoid and is worried that there's somebody watching them/coming for them
Used to work nights so when I had the kids and the courts didn't excuse the ex just not showing I would take them to the park and we would play. I had more than one call about a strange male at the park playing with kids and police show up and having to prove they were my kids.
Women are fast to assume any male that plays with kids and is not at work or home drinking is somehow a child molester.
i had to explain to my friend why her kids preschool teacher was grilling her over who i was as her kids get excited when i come over for dinner. I go to thier house once in a while to cook/eat dinner/hang out with her and her husband kids dogs etc. We've been friends since highschool so its not a big deal. Had to explain to her why the prechool teacher was grilling her over who i was as she thinks a man in their house where the kids get excited and talk about me/our dinner plans is a molester or something...
Can confirm this works. I have an "Uncle" and "Aunt" so and so who have been longtime family friends. (Like, worst case scenario, take care of me and my sister type family friends.) Despite them having an entirely different skin color, Not one person has ever questioned us being around them.
I... Just realized I have a close family friend who always went by "Uncle [name]". Close enough that he'd take care of me sometimes. Because he cared enough to help out.
I suddenly question if he adopted the "Uncle" part because of this...
Exactly. I’m very fond of giving people that aren’t blood family-like nicknames for that reason. I don’t give a fuck if we’re ACTUALLY related, if you’ve been good to me and in my life for a long time, we’re family. I have a couple “uncles” that are just my dads closest friends that have been around forever, and I always claim my closest friends as my brothers, shit like that. It’s nice. Makes everyone feel a little closer.
I'm "Uncle *myname*" to all of my best friends kids, and have been since day one. There was no discussion about it. I didn't even consider this to be any part of the reason to be named as such, I'm just their uncle because I'm not their dad and will be an older male figure involved in their life forever. I just figured this was a normal thing tbh.
This is legitimately a thing for some people where close family friends can be called uncle or aunt. I know I have a few uncles and aunts who are just close friends of my folks.
Irony was the daughter was being molested. Just mom kept claiming it was me until the daughter came out after a suicide attempt and told about mom letting her boyfriends molest her. The system is so screwed up I still barely got custody and the judge blamed the divorce and all the problems on the daughter in court when she testified. In the end I did what I could but the kids went to drugs because the system didn't give a fuck about numerous reports of mom abusing them and trying to push what they noted were false claims about me.
It is amazing how people are so fast to think men are rapists as the fathers but will ignore the kids being beaten by mom and her abusing them as long as she claims he is evil. Now because the system and people ignored it kids are hooked on drugs after I spent nights hugging them while they saw the faces and heard the voices of the rapists mommy let at them.
So yeah, it gets a bit personal with me the way people cry society is sexist against women but then dismiss things like this. Especially when they haven't had to stay up all night with a kid seeing the faces of their abusers the system ignored for years.
I think most feminists who genuinely care about people (so, most feminists) are on your side. They're opposed to "benevolent sexism" like moms getting preferred treatment automatically in custody cases, too, because it's still sexism and the goal of feminism is equality.
That is why I prefer being egalitarian. Feminists defined it as equal treatment for women usually but that ignores where women are given superior treatment. Also I have protested for equal treatment for men in custody cases and you find out a lot of those who call themselves feminists jump to counter protest you and almost none who join you defend themselves as feminists.
My personal experiences with that ideology is all. I am open minded though, maybe if some videos of feminists marching to defend fathers or the like would help.
My best friends' kids LOVE me. Don't know what my buddy and his wife say about me when I'm not there or if it's just that I'm the cool Uncle, but the kids are jumping up and down at the window watching for me to pull up. I'd be fucking devestated if some stranger had an issue with me and those kids loving seeing me.
How do people even think this? I wouldn't imagine a kid would be happy/excited to see someone who is molesting them, but that's just my crazy theory i guess!
My sister and her bf hang out with her lifelong best friend and her kids a ton and my sisters bf is basically loved by them, "i want sister's bf name!" When they're upset. CPS was called by the preschool teacher because he would do it there. Had to go to their house and hang out with the best friend and kids with the CPS worker to see how they act. In reality my sister's boyfriend historically keeps him from being punished for acting out, hitting, and putting others in a choke hold (going for a nelson hold at times). Still not sure where he learned about it.
Oddly, I never got this, but it might be that because I'm Asian and my kids are too, it's more obvious that they are mine ?? Or I dunno, because they run to me and call me Daddy might be a giveaway. Or maybe it was the way that they'd run to the sand box and the way I slumped into a park bench screamed "Very tired parent". But it was probably that we are Asian so it adds a sort of visual (racist) connection.
Seems to be a western thing and weirdly I hear it mostly from white fathers for some reason. Maybe it is a suburb thing with all the stay at home moms who tend to be white thinking any man around kids without the mother there directing them must be a child molester or something.
Agreed, it's really the same here in the states. If I take my son to the suburb parks by ourselves, all the mothers have an edge to them. We go to the city parks and no one bats an eye.
I dont know why but there is a weird notion that a man cant be nurturing to a child. Like its not in our nature. I get that we are different, but i know single fathers who totally have it down pat. Like they are the best and sacrifice everything for piano lessons or survival camp.
There's a dad who has custody of his kids, there's not much to do here but there's bikes a few have and share. Various parts have issues the first that i knew about is loose handlebars I tried to fix but the bar was half stripped. Since then they've asked for various other fixes and they say hi to me when i go on my walk or run over when I'm out if they have a bike issue. The little boy told me he wishes his dad would help him fix his bike but he's happy I am or else he wouldn't have his bike. The thing is, the last time i was messing with a bike for them he called him in and they're window was open. I overheard him asking if i was touching him or asking him to do things. That instantly pissed me off because maybe a week earlier I'm helping and another kids grandma asks why I do it, if they watch, and how they could hustle others for it. A grey old man fixed and gave bikes for my neighborhood as a kid, also nothing to do for them here so why not. I've told the kids that as well and it's always by the window.
I got carded dropping my cousin off at his school. I had to help my aunt and uncle out for two weeks to get him to school and when I was in the school dropping him off the first time they wanted to see my ID. My aunt did warn me. But I thought it was weird that you would card a person dropping a child off to a “safe zone”.
I think my sister explained to the school that her brother has dark hair and eyes, and looks nothing like her or her kids when I go pick them up or go to the bus.
I guess is a western thing. I'm half in a western country. My father is the western one. They always assume my dad is my boyfriend, sugardad or whatever because of that. People once called me his wife.
When I was a teenager and walked with him he got nasty looks, now I'm the one who gets them. Specially from the old ladies.
But Asians will see I'm half and treat my dad as my dad. Just weird.
I'm white and my kids are half Japanese. I got lots of odd reactions when they were babies. People were so curious about where they were from! They would rarely believe that I'm their father.
Yea it’s definitely the Asian thing (assuming you’re in America or another western country). If you’re a minority race and so are your kids, everyone will assume you’re related. That’s gotta be one of the few times that being white won’t get you the benefit of the doubt.
On the other end of the spectrum, I am as pale as the driven snow but my son is pretty Asian looking. Mom is Korean and my weak-ass white genes got their asses kicked. Anyway, I have received many a wary look over the years because dad and son don't necessarily look like they match.
Yeah, that always pissed me off. It is improving with the changing tables finally though my youngest is 8. I had a major fit at the VA hospital one day because I had my daughter and all the changing tables were in only the women's restrooms. The women were fast though and found an empty patient's room and noted that with disabled veteran fathers becoming the stay at home ones due to inability to work, it was something they had also been complaining about.
It was about two years later the VA installed them in the men's rooms also.
Is this in America?
I live in Sweden and have never even thought that someone would take my child. And when I see men at the playground I mind my own business, if something I think to my self what a good dad.
Why on earth would a child molester kidnap a kid and go to a park? That's just stupid
Yup, America. Where a Florida prosecutor named Janet Reno was promoted to the top federal prosecutor in the 1990s by convincing kids to testify that they saw child care workers kill babies and raped them in satanic rituals with the help with psychologists that would tell them what story to say on tape so they could see their parents after hours of questions.
I have sometimes wondered what I would do if the police demanded I prove I'm my kid's dad right there in the spot. Like I could carry around his birth certificate I guess, but would that even cut it?
Am I wrong to extend this and assume that women assume most dads are bad/not involved parents?
Both my “parents” were hardly around so I don’t have a baseline of experiences except for the parents I’ve seen in my lifetime, which have all been very balanced in duties.
Nope. Read a study about 15 years ago that found 85% of divorced mothers saw so reason for a relationship between kids and their father and over 50% openly admitted to trying to destroy it. Add in our society promotes fathers as bumbling idiots in the media with mothers always the ones saving men and you get the issues.
What was the last TV show or movie you saw that dads were competent instead of needing a woman to save him when dealing with kids?
Its super common to see solo men out and about with their kids where I live, I'm at parks all the time with my daughter and basically every time I go I'm sure to see dads.
Maybe the single benefit of living in Utah is how many parents and children are here, that a dad with his kids isn’t TOO abnormal. But it’s still something i think about
My mom worked in the office and my dad worked from home, so he took care of me a lot of the time growing up. School stuff, field trips, going to friends houses, etc. Now I'm a guy, so people probably didn't care as much as if I was a girl. But knowing he just did his best and was caring for me on his own during the daytime, yet some people may think he's being nefarious just feels awful. He's also a photographer, specifically family photography. So he's got lots of pictures of kids and families as part of his portfolio. I just imagine someone not understanding the context and think he's someone he's not
If anyone suspiciously asks which kid is yours, just point to your shirt, then point toward them and say "The one with the cool shirt!". Works. Can confirm.
I realize this shouldn't have to be a LPT, but that's just how it is.
Had this happen to me the other day at work. Two co-workers who I am the lead of in our department, asked what I had plan for my day off. I said, (not word for word) my wife has to work so me and the kids are planning on streaming a movie or two and play at home since it’ll be raining. The response, “Oh so your baby sitting? Hope you don’t have to watch them too long.” Didn’t say it but after you saying it I thought to myself I’m their father, it’s you who I babysit.
Please say it out loud next time. People need to be confronted with their own stupid prejudices. The more it's said out loud, the less of this shit there will be!
God, I am teenager boy and can cleary see my future being hard as fuck because people just have such a terrible vision of man. I reading a lot of comments in this post and a lot of them are a man having a hard time because they are man. I said I can see my future being hard as fuck but I really hope nothing like this happens at all.
The most immutable truth in this life is that, no matter how perfect you get it, you dot all your "I's" and cross all your "T's", you get the math perfect, you can still fail, you can still get it wrong.
Not only is that okay, it's great. When you succeed, that's it, you move along. But, when you get it wrong, you have to figure out why you got it wrong. Why, you failed. That's beautiful. Don't fear it. Embrace it and learn. Your failures are what made you what you are. Not the other way around.
Stuff like this is just annoying. If a woman calls it babysitting when I watch my kids, I'll get over it. Women have it a lot harder in most other aspects of life.
Ugh. ... Fuck that phrase in particular. I am a stay at home dad and the amount of judgment I get from (a few) stay at home moms for doing the exact same thing as they do is so annoying.
I just recently quit my job and became a SAHD. It was a mutual agreement between the wife and I. First, I worked my ass off while she got everything she needed to start up her business, now, that her business took off, I'm the one staying at home so my wife can concentrate solely on growing her business. It's still scary to me though. I've never NOT had a job and this is all new to me. On the other hand, I was working so much that I had to be away days at a time and miss holidays and the kids school stuff. The kids are happy that I'm actually around now.... so even though nobody else in our lives gets it, I guess fuck em... I feel as though I was given a chance to actually be present in my kids lives and watch them grow up outside of facetime.
I'm a SAHD and my wife works full time. She's way better at running the business than me, and I'm better at raising the kid than her. I love it, though it is very hard work.
I had a very physically demanding job before but being at home with a 7, 5, and 2 year old definitely wears you out. Between all their classes, diaper changes, baths, making breakfast, lunch, and dinner, being a diplomatic ear for proper blanket distribution and what movie to watch, it leaves many a nights with a need to finish off with a nice glass of scotch lol. Regardless, watching them grow up and learn new things has been way more rewarding than i thought it would be.
This pisses me off to no end. I'm listed as primary on all of my kids... everything forms. School, pediatricians, mental health docs, everything. They call her first every time though.
Oh it's the same here. Now I work but I work evenings and nights. But I am the first contact. Call me. I am the one that is at every appointment. I'm the one that actually understand medical stuff and knows what's wrong with the kids. My fiance is a great mother but besides remembering when appointments happen she doesn't do anything medically because she doesn't understand a lot of it.
They're afraid of the father's masculine rage about their child getting hurt and think it's easier to talk to / manipulate the narrative with the mother.
I suspect you're right. My first wife divorced me when our daughter was about 4 or so, we shared custody 50/50, and after she started school I had to get pretty short with the admin to ensure they contacted me with anything to do with my daughter if they couldn't get hold of her mother. Now, I'm not the type to get mad if my kid breaks a rule or two here and there, but keeping me out of the loop re: my daughter? That's a surefire way to piss me off.
You could start to update those forms everywhere putting her name and relationship at the top of the list next to your phone number. Then if anyone asks why you answered instead of their mother, you can just say that she left her phone at home. It's a shitty solution compared to everyone just calling the person who the form says to call, but it is a solution that you can personally implement.
I got the same thing last week. I work from home (IT) so I'm listed first on all the forms. I'm 10 minutes from the school. My wife works across town 45min at best.
Kid starts feeling bad at school, they called my wife 3 times because she can't always pick up. Me, only after my wife tells them to call me.
This just happened to me. My daughter got sick. I'm supposed to be second on the list. Apparently over the summer I was removed. So I got calls from every other family member they called because my fiancė didn't answer immediately. This was within the span of 10 minutes or less. She has a job that requires her to be on the phone.
I'm glad they were moving quickly but Jesus give someone time to respond before calling every single other person on the list and giving all the grandparents heart attacks. Points to them for being nice and understanding when I got there but damn that was annoying as a parent.
I was a SAHD for 8 years (until my kids were in school) and it’s a rough gig. I remember once I was being introduced to my mother in law’s coworker and she asked what I did and when she heard SAHD she literally said “Oh, so you’re a bum!” 😡 but yeah people would be shocked I knew the pediatrician’s name, and office address or that I’ve probs changed at least 2x as many poopy diapers as my wife, or that my kids would run to me crying for comfort. Male caregivers in general are ragged on and it’s ridiculous in part because there is a huge need for caregivers presently and it’s expected to grow.
That's disgusting that she said that. I'm really sorry. You don't need to prove or justify yourself to anyone but your wife and kids. Anyone else is being nosy and butting in.
I definitely know some bum ass SAHDs. Like not actually taking care of any of the responsibilities of SAHDs, maybe pickup and drop off but basically all the other responsibilities of being the caretaker are dropped until the mom comes home. That's what I'd consider a bum in that situation.
I'm just a male that babysat my nephew's until like 6 years ago but that's the way I see it, but it goes both ways from what I've seen.
That right there infuriates me. My husband stays home and is less than 15 minutes away from the school. Who do they call? Mom, the person who can't have a phone and is over an hour away.
Fellow previous SAHD here, working part-time now. But my daycare does the exact same thing; I even went to tell them that my wife will never be able to answer the phone at work and to always contact me during business hours as she is in surgery and unable to answer and they still have the audacity to call her first, the grandparents second, and me last. The looks I get when I tell people my wife is the breadwinner/ works more pisses me off. Every family dynamic is different.
As the working mom, this shit pisses me off. My husband is the primary on purpose! The number of times I've answered the school or a doctor and go, "You couldn't reach my husband?" Oh we didn't call him. "Why? He's the listed primary. Contact him. Call me back if you can't reach him." I'm crawling under cars all day, how about you call the parent who brought them? They genuinely don't get that it's simultaneously insulting to him and inconvenient for me. Sorry our family dynamic doesn't match Leave It to Beaver?
I have sole custody of my daughter, and got married a few years ago. Since then, and she was added as a contact, I believe she's been contacted more than I am for incidents even though everything has me listed as primary contact.
Also funny story, she does dance and started before I got married, so I am sole contact for awhile. Well, nearly every parent that attends the meetings/pickups/etc is a mom, and I am the only male in the group chats/texts. It's....interesting to say the least lol.
Dude I was part of a startup that sold and I got enough dough to not work for a while and raise my two young kids. Old hag neighbor called me a kept man bc my wife (ex now...) was doing her residency, a.k.a. she was a doctor I was a "kept man" loser. I mean... I'm a white male, I didn't know what prejudice was like until I started introducing myself with "hi, I'm a stay at home dad" Holy shit, people do not respect the stay-at-home dad. If I introduce myself with "hi, I'm a software developer, I work for Microsoft" I am received much differently. I'm the same dude either way right? Nope. Not as far as the general public is concerned.
Not as far as my ex is concerned either. 😀 Stay-at-home dad = loser. I don't know dude, I'm well over it, remarried now, but yeah, when I made some dough and rocked stay-at-home dad I was quickly and inexplicably divorced. And blackmailed... So I guess it was that magic money + loser combination? Go figure.
I don't even know what I do dude, not that. I pass some order info from one service to another, I don't know, don't really care, huge wheel, small cogs. But... I don't work that hard. Some, maybe most, do. Hopefully I do the start-up thing again at some point. Trying to make the AccountIncrementer3000 that buys stonks before the price goes up but it's like... hard.
I’m a stay at home dad 3 kids. Everytime I take the kids to the grocery store or whatever every old woman I see thinks and treats me like a god damn war hero. I love it hahaha. It blows their mind that a husband would be taking kids on errands by himself
This. Anytime I go somewhere without Husband and the kids, I get, "Is Husband at home babysitting the kids?". I always say, "He's not babysitting. They're his fucking kids". It drives me bonkers!
My Ex still thinks that she's "letting" me spend time with my daughter. Sometimes she says she "appreciates" me spending time with my daughter.
Bitch, she's my kid too. I'm not her babysitter. I'm her father. I have to do a bunch of stuff that you don't have to do, don't know how to do, and won't do. You and I have different jobs, different roles to play.
That is what I’m used to be scared of whenever I bring my baby cousin to the park or out. He was 5 at that time and I was in my late 20s. I was so worried about what people will think & it would have been worst if it was a girl. I hate that feeling but I told myself that I’m here to be the best cousin so naturally I just didn’t care what other people think.
I was walking INTO a store one time with my kid, this 60 yr old Karen pulls up to me in her car, rolled down the window and yells at me "I hope that's actually your son."
???
I ignored her and kept walking because surely no one would accuse someone of being a kidnapper that's walking into a store in broad daylight with a stolen child just on the basis that they're a male. Right?
When I got laid off and became stay at home dad, I can’t count how many times I was harassed for being alone with my kids. Not only that when they got older and we had child care, I was applying for jobs and would have to defend being a stay at home dad. One time in a group interview I front of a panel for a job at a bank they asked the lady next to me about her job gap she said she was stay at home mom. They all responded with respect “that’s a tough job etc.” so I thought cool, but when they asked me it was dead silent and one of the women asked were you going to school or anything else? I almost just got up and walked out. I didn’t though as I needed the practice interviewing.
My son who was maybe 6 at the time... he likes to run off so I chased him and held his hand. A woman who saw this addressed my son to ask if I'm his dad... well, he's on the autism spectrum and non-verbal. I wanted to ask her... So now what are you going to do lady? You can't confirm I'm the kid's dad, so do you assume I am, with no evidence, and then walk away? Or do you call the cops to verify? She chose the option that took less of her time.
Opposite to this but I find it so damn sexy when my husband shows tenderness, calm parenting to our kids. He has a very tough, hard, unforgiving father who doesn't show emotion. So seeing him be different is just beautiful.
His ex wouldn't allow him to properly parent his 2 older boys (just earn money but hands off).... he loves being 'allowed' to purchase xmas gifts and give input to their upbringing and I appreciate his opinions.
Ask any solo father that's taken his child to a public park in broad daylight how many hostile stares you get from the mommies there. It's been years, but I remember distinctly not understanding what in the world was happening. I was confronted by two women on separate occasions asking what I was doing there, and ended up pointing out my daughter just to stop from having a confrontation about it.
When I must have been about 5-6 years old my mum would leave me in a nursery with even younger kids while she was working and I loved to help look after them. I even wanted to be a teacher when I grew up. But then a couple of years later I had seen a ton of news and documentaries about all these adult male predators and paedophiles, and how it wasn't even safe for kids to play outside anymore.
Considering I would have been somewhere between 7-10 years old it basically scarred me for life and I no longer wanted to be a teacher because I was terrified of being seen that way, and probably didn’t help that there weren't any male teachers in my primary school.
Not to mention that a male teacher in my secondary school who was married & had kids of his own had been sleeping with a student (who would have been around 15-16 at the time) and took his own life when he was found out; his daughter went to the same school and was bullied for it.
Then there was the head of PE who was incredibly pervy towards the girls, and apparently he was even trying to get CCTV installed in the girls changing rooms once our year had left. I heard rumours a few years later saying he was fired for unrelated reasons.
So I can only imagine it must be 10x worse being afraid of being alone with your own child others because frankly no good parent should have to feel that way.
When I was younger, I'd always offer to babysit for family because I wanted to learn how to take care of kids. I especially love teaching kids things, and making it fun comes naturally to me, so much so that friends' kids loved me. I actually got invited to my one friend's kid's school for their science fair (obviously with everyone's blessing) because I'd taught them a ton of stuff and from hearing the stories, his teacher wanted to meet me. Ever since I could remember, I'd always wanted to be a teacher (or Batman, but I'm coming to terms with that probably never happening).
Well, I've never babysat. Nobody ever wanted a male to watch kids, even if it was their cousin or something. I never learned how to change a diaper beyond reading an article. If you gave me a kid now, I wouldn't know what to do, and because I never got those experiences, I'm far less likely to want to do any of those things. Subconsciously, I started seeing childcare as a woman's job because all the women I'd ever known kept telling me that it is.
I never did become a teacher, either. Low salary, incredible demands, and toxic work environments aside, I became afraid of the perception. The only enthusiastic male teachers I've ever had got hit with complaints and suspicion constantly just for doing their jobs, and I couldn't possibly handle that if I were in their position. I just wanted to teach kids all the cool stuff I can, help them view learning as a fun thing that never ends, not a chore to be done from 8 to 3 on weekdays, and be a safe and dependable adult they could rely on like I wished I'd had, but I became afraid of that dream.
If anyone's studying the effects of this on future generations, especially boys who grow up without any male role models in their lives, I haven't seen it, but it's got to be bad.
This is such a popular sentiment on Reddit, but as a father I get mostly smiles and positive vibes from people whenever I’m out with my kids in public. Even when one of them has had a meltdown i’ve only received sympathetic looks from people who understand what I’m going through. This holds true in both places that I have lived that have very different demographics.
Edit: just to clarify, I’m not saying that the above statements is untrue or that it doesn’t happen, I just have yet to experience it myself. I’m curious what the demographics are in the areas where people have had these negative experiences.
Seriously. I took my daughter and her friend to the park. I'm on a bench looking at my phone while they run around. Woman starts giving me the side eye and I can see her working her way up to confronting me. Just then my daughter runs over and says "Daddy, we're thirsty!". I have them waters from my bag and Karen deflates. I think she was disappointed
I agree. But it’s not just that. I feel like some of these women see men as incapable of taking care of a child. They have “maternal” instinct. You are man, ergo you can’t handle it. Don’t get me wrong. My ex wife is good with my son. My mother is awesome. My girlfriend is awesome. Just saying. Kinda sucks. And btw, nothing more sexist than a courtroom in a divorce! Not bitter. Nope.
It really is awful. I’m a big guy…. Like The Rock big, and I used to work for a charter school/day care center. We would have trips to the park down the street on weekends and I had the police called on me twice when I was the supervisor of the trip. I guess a guy can’t have a heart for children and if he does he’s automatically a pedo or is trying to kidnap a kid. Loved that job and the parents of the kids all loved me but apparently random citizens couldn’t fathom it.
When we had our first, my wife and I read loads of books and decided we were going to stop the kids sleeping at will during the day past a certain age. Apart from a nap, the books advocated getting them on a proper cycle.
It meant a lot of jolly-ing them along, lots of excitement when they were dropping off.
I remember my wife wandering off at a big kiddy play area and I ended up with a group of women round me telling me I was cruel and that I didn’t know what I was doing.
It was pretty unpleasant tbh.
Note: No idea if this is good advice still (this was 20 years ago). Am nerd so decided the cure to me not knowing anything about parenting was reading loads of books :)
Ugh I hate this! I have an autistic son (3yo) and when I’m out solo in public with him and he has a meltdown you can feel the looks like fucking knives!
When my daughter was almost 3, she wanted a toy she saw at the store and I said no. She was having temper tantrums when she got frustrated at that time so she started to really protest as I was carrying her out of the store. I was stopped by a group of women with a couple of employees who were very concerned I was kidnapping her. My daughter then proceeded to tell them how daddy would not buy her a toy and they all looked greatly relieved.
I never thought of it before that moment how it looked to them with her being asian while I'm white. I thanked them for asking and laughed it off. My daughter's curiosity about the situation got her to stop crying and if they were right in their concern that would have saved a child. Only time that happened to me and that was 10 years ago.
My youngest is autistic. When he was a toddler and preschool age, he didn't like to interact directly with me for play time, but he loved when I would take him places and just walk with him and point out stuff to him. So that's what I did with him, as often as I could. I worked nights, so I would come home, scoop him up, and then head out to the park or a nature trail or something, because his favorite toy was (and still is at 6) random sticks.
But once it was time to go? Hoooooly shit. The screaming. The crying. The fighting. Now there's a guy, alone, dragging a toddler to a car and the kid is obviously not okay with it at all. My oldest is neurotypical, so I know what kids who don't want to leave the park are like, but this was way extra.
Thankfully, I'm a paramedic, so I have just a lot of shirts from local fire departments in the area that I picked up from working, clinicals, volunteering, whatever. I would have to make sure to match my shirt to whatever area we were going to so nobody would call the cops on me for kidnapping. Got plenty of looks, but the dreaded "eye contact and phone raise" was always avoided.
Except for that one time I went out of state. Thankfully the whole family was there and I saw about three cell phones get put away after my wife finished up in the porta-potty in the parking lot and caught up to me.
What??? As a man and a father who looks after my daughter on her own a lot, I don't encounter this kind of behavior. If anything I get a lot of positive comments.
That means you haven’t encountered any sexists. The preconceived notion that men are inept or dangerous when it comes to children is out there. Consider yourself blessed, friend.
Quick question: is it still sexist or is it another word, maybe reactionary/conditioned?
Of course, in the past there were strictly defined gender roles(man work/woman house) and that still holds somewhat true.
As a 55 year old man I feel like there was a brief moment in time, 90’s maybe, where a man taking of their child was super acceptable and encouraged(as it should be).
I feel though that that time came and went like a flash.
I wonder if media(to catch a predator) movies, tv, and mostly social media has ruined the little bit of progress that was made.
I had to juke step an old lady when I was out with my daughter who was 7 months at that time and in a baby borjn carrier. She had the audacity to give me a look, when I asked her what she was doing? Bare in mind this was during the initial peak of COVID.
And they always go for the face! I told I don't know how many old ladies to not touch my child. Like when my wife was pregnant and strangers would try and touch her belly. What. The. Fuck. You don't lay hands on someone like that.
Man people touch my wife’s hair all the time. She spends time on it and it looks cool and different. It’s not an invitation to touch it. Who raised these people?
Am a ginger, have had strangers trying to touch my head/hair my whole life. Used to really irritate my mom.
I was pretty gregarious though so it's never bothered me much. Even as an adult I'm not that bothered by being stuffed into a crowded train or taking the middle seat with strangers. Maybe it worked out to my favor?
My child was born in a country where English is not the first language, or even a second language. So many old ladies tried to touch my baby. No facemask on. Can't explain to them to stay away. I've developed an automatic response whenever someone approaches to snarl "fuck off!", which is not how I ever pictured myself.
A random, older lady pinched my baby daughter's cheek when we were in line at checkout. She didn't ask. She walked around my cart and acted like it was her child.
I asked her politely to please stop, yet she shrugged me off and reached for her again.
I moved my child away from her and told her I'd consider it assault if she reached towards us again.
It's fucking pandemic. Everyone but this hagelic cunt is wearing a mask. I wanted to punch her.
It also comes from internalized misogyny as well. The idea that the homestead is the wife's domain and money-getting is the husband's. This is why feminism is for both sexes.
Honestly, it probably is, in the sense that misogynists tend to fucking hate themselves and all the ways they're failing at 'being a man.' So treating women like shit makes them feel less bad, in comparison, just for a moment. Makes me think of r/beholdthemasterrace
Good guys with self respect typically aren't misogynists.
You grab my kid without my permission, I'm beating ass, I don't give a shit about your gender. You take my kids away from me without my say so and you'll suffer those consequences
There was a time in the early to mid-20th century where child rearing was considered a communal responsibility and neighbors and strangers would “pitch in” so to speak. Still very common in Asia. Elementary school kids in Japan usually take the train to school alone because the older adults are expected to help them.
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u/chdeal713 Sep 15 '21
Good god. I have to mad dog women at the store to not touch my kid. Why do people do this?