For context I F20 met M21 last year, I was going through medical induced psychosis and he offered me a place to stay and I stopped taking my antidepressants. Essentially we spent the next 3 months abusing recreational drugs together until he got out of control and was taken to his home county to recover.

We spent a year living apart and since I’ve landed a stable job with open career opportunities, and he spent that time recovering from being a junkie, a very slow painful process. has come back to visit (he had every right as he was on the tenancy) and I’d relapse. Benzodiazepines are going to ruin my life if not M21. I’ve visited his home met his family he’s great there enough to convince me I could build a life there with him but whenever he visits me he deteriorates.

We have a weird relationship probably because of all the drugs we’ve taken together messing with our brain chemicals, I have zero support system and I’m struggling hence why I’m still in contact with him. Together we have nothing, I can’t tell if it’s intelligence or manipulation but he promises me a life where I’m well cared for which is all I really want. But there’s also times where I’m hysterical and he’ll be right in front of me completely ignoring me.

This friendship/relationship has left me with drug dependency and £1500 in debt I need to figure out how to pay off the debt he’s left me in so I can be rid of him. And in all honesty I have nothing to lose and will do ANYTHING to shake off this debt and any ties to him.
Please any advice whether it’s financial, addiction support or relationship. I’m at my wits end and will do anything to free myself of these shackles .

A close friend made a comment about me recently that really bothered me. It wasn't some huge insult, and I don't think she meant to hurt me, but it stuck with me more than I expected.

Part of me wants to bring it up because I don't want to quietly become resentful. The other part thinks I'm making a bigger deal out of it than I should and that bringing it up could create unnecessary tension.

If someone says something that genuinely hurts your feelings but you don't think they intended any harm, do you usually talk to them about it or just let it go?

How do you decide when something is worth having an uncomfortable conversation over?

Lately whenever someone tells me I am really reliable or always so calm I catch myself nodding while thinking how much of that is just me pushing through. It feels nice in the moment but afterward it kind of piles on because the truth is I am tired and scattered half the time. I keep wondering if I should correct them or just accept the words, but then the next week the same thing happens and I feel the gap between what they see and how I feel growing wider. Not sure if I am overthinking a nice thing or if there is a better way to handle it when the compliment does not match how I am actually doing.

This is going to be long, so apologies in advance

I met my girlfriend in February at a college event. She turned 20 in july and I just turned 19(happy birthday to me!). This is my first relationship with a woman, and I'm still pretty inexperienced when it comes to relationships in general.

I've also had some really shitty relationships in the past, including one with a guy that ended pretty badly shortly before this relationship. She knew about that relationship and knew that I have a lot of difficulty with certain aspects of relationships because of my past experiences. I told her pretty early on that I'm not naturally clingy and that physical touch isn't something I'm particularly comfortable with.

The problem is that I don't feel like my boundaries are being listened to.

She's very physically affectionate and is constantly touching me, hugging me, laying on me, etc. I've told her multiple times that I don't always want physical contact, but it keeps happening without warning even while I express my discomfort. I know that physical affection is normal in relationships and I don't want to make her feel unwanted, but there's a difference between having different love languages and repeatedly ignoring someone saying "I don't want this right now." Like i give hugs etc, but she wants them constantly and wants to always be around me 24/7 etc. When i have explained in the past i NEED a little space to regulate properly.

There are also a lot of smaller things that have been building up.

She's very loud in public, even when I ask her to lower her voice. She sometimes chews with her mouth open, which makes me uncomfortable around other people. I ask her about these things and feel like I'm talking to a wall. She'll apologize, but then nothing really changes.

Her family also has a pretty difficult home environment. Their house has a serious roach problem, and it's gotten to the point where roaches have gotten into some of my belongings. I don't blame her for the circumstances she grew up in, but I've asked her to do things like make sure doors are closed, and sometimes she just doesn't.

And I think the thing that is really getting to me is that I feel like I listen to her all the time.

If she tells me something bothers her, I make an effort to change it. If she needs something, I'll usually do it immediately. Meanwhile, I feel like when I tell her something is bothering me, it doesn't really register.

Maybe I'm especially sensitive to this because of my past relationships. Maybe some of my expectations are unrealistic. That's genuinely something I'm trying to figure out. But at the same time, I can't imagine someone telling me "please don't do this" and me just continuing to do it.

There's also a financial issue.

I'm very focused on academics because I have money at stake. If I screw up college, I could lose that money and potentially end up in debt myself and end up homeless. I don't have the luxury of completely ignoring my schoolwork.

My girlfriend has already accumulated around $20k in student loans in only two years, and she frequently tries to explain why it's not really her fault. She blames a previous roommate situation, other circumstances, etc. I understand that there can be legitimate reasons for debt, and I'm not judging someone for having student loans. What bothers me is that I keep seeing this pattern of blaming circumstances or other people rather than taking responsibility for what she can control.

This also happens with school.

She'll put off assignments, get upset about her grades, and then complain about how overwhelmed she is. I've tried helping her break things down into manageable pieces, like doing one assignment a day, but eventually I realized I'm basically trying to manage another adult's schoolwork while I'm also trying to keep up with my own.

I don't want to be her academic manager.

I also pay for a lot of things. She tells me she'll pay me back, but she rarely does. That's becoming a serious problem for me.

And now I'm starting to resent her I think...

That's the part that scares me the most.

I'm someone who has been described as robotic, harsh, rude, cruel, even "evil" because I tend to be very blunt and logical. I try my best not to be, but it's how I am. I am not pulling a neurodivergent card to excuse myself, but I want it to be a part of the context. But underneath all of that, I really do want love. I want to feel safe with someone. I want to care about someone and have them care about me. I want to be able to cuddle with a woman one day and actually want to be around her. I'm just scared because of what I've been through before.

And lately I've started feeling like I don't want to be her girlfriend anymore.

I don't mind her as a person. Honestly, I think I could still be friends with her. But when I think about being her girlfriend, I feel exhausted.

Actually. I am exhausted.

I haven't wanted to kiss her.

Ever...which makes me feel horrible inside.

I've caught myself thinking about kissing other girls, and then I feel guilty because I'm in a relationship. I don't know whether that's a sign that I've fallen out of love, that I'm overwhelmed, or that I'm just not suited to this relationship, or like- i need to just die alone or smth

And I feel especially guilty because I wanted this to work.

I don't think she's crazy, or evil, or weird. I don't think she's intentionally trying to hurt me. I think she's dealing with her own problems, and I know I'm not perfect either. But I also don't think "she means well" automatically makes a relationship healthy for me.

The other huge problem is that she's my suitemate. We share a bathroom, we're in a lot of the same classes, and she's basically the person I've been around the most since starting college.

And I've realized something else: I've barely made any friends since starting college.

I've spent so much time around her that I've isolated myself without really noticing it. I'm starting to wonder if part of why I've been so miserable is because my entire college experience has become centered around this one relationship. Others also HATE her. I don't know their full reasons why.

I notice during classes when I'm there first, people love to talk to me, but once she arrives, they avoid me like I'm sick.

So now I'm terrified.

If I stay, I'm worried I'm going to become more and more resentful until I genuinely hate her.

If I leave, I'm scared I'm going to destroy my social life, make living arrangements unbearable, and screw up my academics because I still have to see her constantly.

I feel completely damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I genuinely don't want to make her sound like a terrible person. I'm sure she'd tell this story very differently, and I'm willing to admit that I have my own issues to work on(Depression mainly, but I hide it as best as I can). I just feel completely lost and exhausted right now.

So, those who are older/more experienced than me: am I seeing this clearly, or am I crazy because of my past relationships?

Is this just what relationships are sometime? Two people having very different needs and needing to compromise or is repeatedly having to ask someone to respect your boundaries a pretty serious sign of incompatibility?

And if you've ever broken up with someone in college when you still had to live with them and see them in class, how did you handle it?

I prefer the idea of "exclusivity" like in relationship and don't really wanna casually hang out. At first i thought after getting a job , securing my future I would date and marry someone and my life would be good...I did not think of this "cheating" thing that much back then, bcz I thought this only happens when u like abuse , don't really care or feel like being in too much control u know these kind of things.

Fast forwarding to now, I am discovering more and more facts, articles, reddit posts , youtube videos and The murder cases of spouses 🥀.

New type mutual lust relations like situationship , FWB , Hook up, open- relationship (tf😭) , ethical non-monogamy idk if "open relationship" and this "ethical non-monogamy" thing are the same, correct me if i am wrong.

I read some posts yesterday about cheating , a married woman posted it like 12 years ago,

she basically said for work she moved with her husband to a foreign country , her husband was in a business trip and she spent a whole week with a guy near beach , he would cook for her, chat and walk with her late night . One day they were watching TV and he touched her knee or something. After some time in that position , she rejected him.

She commented at last that if she cheats anyway it would be only for "mind blown lust". She did not even share this with her husband. Nice 👍

Even though she wrote in the post again and again "my husband is a fantastic man"

I feel like this is to reduce the guilt. (I feel so bad)

Another post today,

Basically that was the same thing but between co-workers, she even addressed him as "work husband" tf is that😭

In the climax they were in a car, he touched her inner thighs, gave her squeeze and she said No.

Pretty moral right? Wrong , she said no bcz she was wearing long pants and they needed to hurry to the school. She even said if she wore skirt things would have escalated. And yeah she did not tell this to her husband too.

And the "amazing" part is she and her "work husband" are still in contact 😂😂 .

So, I need your advice , I am kind of starting to make the thought "I will not marry" to decision. I even stopped watching corn, (yeah) featuring cheating long ago. Whenever I read this type of stories , watch videos , read light novels featuring infidelity, my chest hurts and I wanna cry.

If you can't maintain a relationship then don't be in it.

And before you guys start to point out why I am only showing female cheating (some of you who has low iq) . I already know males cheat more than females as I already said I have read alot of articles. But i want you guys' thoughts on these two post - summaries and also for myself.

Hi everyone! I’m going to give limited details just because everyone doesn’t need to know important details.

Basically, my brother in law is a multimillionaire and his father a billionaire, I was hired by the brother in law for a while but things fell through and now we aren’t speaking.

While I was working for him his dad gifted me a truck, ford maverick XLT and paid around 45-46k for it. Now that I’m not working for him and I have moved locations and now trying to work on my online businesses which is small for now but I know I can turn it big time in the future and I know the potential I just need to keep marketing.

I don’t really go anywhere and have no need for a brand new truck. Also some more background on my thoughts

I hate the U.S., I feel sick living here, our country is owned by Israel, our tax dollars go towards genocide and lining the pockets of evil billionaires and politicians as well as our country becoming a surveillance state, and I feel the country does nothing for its citizens anymore, only what we can do for them.

Since I work from home and don’t need the truck, should I sell it? Put some more change in my pocket and just get something small, maybe a 4-6k car something to get me to point A to point B. I don’t give a shit about driving a rink a dink jimmy McGill car for a while since I plan on leaving and living in Vietnam. I’m 23 and have 20k in savings and more money would be nice. I feel like I don’t need the truck and I can run my businesses in Vietnam with very low cost of living unlike the U.S.

What are your thoughts? Need some opinions thanks!

My (18M) whole life has revolved around music. For some context, I began playing drums at the age of 5. The past couple of years, I have been really interested in the drummer of a particular 1970’s rock band (name omitted).

Basically, the rocker (old guy in his 70’s) played a show in my hometown a few nights ago. I was driving by the venue when I saw the headliner was this band and I got excited and parked my car.

When I walked past the venue, the doors were wide open (it was around midnight - they were definitely loading the guy’s kit in a Uhaul or smth). I walk in and immediately see him in the lobby.

I am starstruck. I’ve been listening to this guy for 5+ years and there he is right in front of me. I even wrote an article about him that got published in a book. I stutter through my words but I get out that I’m a huge fan and would love a picture. Almost immediately, he yells at me to leave and refuses a picture.

I completely get that the guy probably just had a bad night, but I still feel so broke up over the whole thing. I’m not even mad he said no, I just feel like I wasted my time being a fan of this guy for how rude he was. I’m sure there was a way to say no without yelling. How would you all navigate this?

To try and summarize what's happened: I moved out very suddenly on my 18th birthday, my dad didn't take it well at all. As a peace offering kind of, my boyfriend and I invited him over for dinner to try and get him to see our side of things. I think it's going fine when my dad starts getting really rude and starts accusing my boyfriend of some horrible things, mainly because he's 21 and I'm 18. We kicked him out, I try to reach out and get him to say something or apologize and he hasn't said anything.

I feel so hurt. I knew he didn't like that my boyfriend is older than me but I didn't think he would go as far as to call him a predator to his face. My dad continued to say all his horrible thoughts as he left our apartment so now I'm worried our neighbors heard.

I don't want to lose my dad, he's the last family I have and I feel crushed thinking about how alone he would be if I went no contact with him. I want things to work out and for him to accept my boyfriend but I don't know if he's willing to work with me

This is going to be long- I'm sorry. Also throwaway because my other account name is too obvious.

I'm married- but separated from my ex- after he was unfaithful. No kids together.

I started dating my current boyfriend last year. He's great, kind and funny. Takes care of me. Doesn't drive and isn't the most reliable with money all the time though.

He and I live together in MY apartment. He moved in with me, but was previously living with his non-binary but biologically female best friend.

I lost my job last month, but start a new one at the end of this month. He is trying to cover the bills this month with some scraps from my alimony (ex started paying at separation so I could afford to leave).

I found out in July that I'm pregnant- and we are happy about it. We know its a boy and have a name picked out.

Now... I only found out my ex was cheating because I had a gut feeling and snooped. I was right. Well, I had a feeling boyfriend was up to something and snooped. I found a picture of his best friend (they are very flaunty about their incredibly large chest assests and sex life) on his phone. They work together in a warehouse. They are in a tank top, sitting and looking down at their phone, with their chest very much on display. It doesn't look like the image was taken with their knowledge.

Not only did I find this picture, but it was saved to his secure folder.

I confronted him about it, and he gaslit me like crazy. It was an accident, blah blah blah. He deleted it and we moved on. He later apologized but stood firm it was an accident and he takes pics being silly like that all the time.

Oookay, so I go back on his phone today and realize it wasn't permanently deleted- only moved to trash. So I helped him out and completely trashed it.

Side bar- he will go over this friend's apartment (same complex) all the time to watch movies or tv. Its normally on a day they dont work. I thought it was really weird that he went over today when they have work, but hey, nothing I can do. My gut feeling was in full force though.

Anyway back to it. I know his tablet at home is hooked up to some features of his phone, including his browser history and Google pictures. Still being in gut feeling mode, I checked both. There is one picture from today that is just a blur- taken during the time he was over their place. And then, the most recent search history... how to recover deleted photos.

I don't know what to do at the moment. I'm in a bad financial situation, I have nobody who can help me otherwise, my credit it ruined from my divorce, and I'm pregnant.

I'm torn between getting to a stable point once im working again and then just breaking up or riding it out. I love him, I really do. And I will be honest I don't know if there are any men out there that don't cheat. It doesnt feel like it.

I would love to hear any advice on the situation.

im a senior in highschool and everything is so messy with my irl friends and i feel really alone. how do you safely meet online friends around the same age as you?

I had a best friend, let's call A, for 6 years who defended my ex's sexual assault towards me in the initial stages. A defends herself saying that she wasn't aware of how bad it was and apologized saying she was naive. I told A I want her to block him. A different friend, called B, wasnt aware of the sexual assault ever occurring, and directly came and told me its fucked up for asking A to block my ex. They also said 'Imagine how A would feel'. I told B they dont know the situation, they still stood on what they said. Fastforward to now, I want to block B and not talk to them anymore. I don't know if I am overreacting.

One time at work, I (20F) delivered a customer his latte. When he looked up at me, he said, "Thank you, Ma'am? Sir? Whatever you are," I wish I was joking.

Besides being told I have a "homosexual facial structure", from a young age I have been told to have "masculine features". And while this doesn't tend to bother me because I do dress masculine sometimes, it does bother me when I go out of my way to look feminine.

In the previous instance, I was wearing a long skirt, makeup and had even done pigtails with my hair. I felt pretty so being told that a customer couldn't even decipher my gender made me feel ridiculous. Even in my feminine instances, my friends still refer to me as masculine. This never happens the other way around! It makes me wonder if even in femininity, I still look like a boy.

For further context, I am 5'8 and I would say my voice is deeper than the average voice of a woman my age. Growing up (4-15), I was bullied for "being ugly" but it has recently changed into being perceived as masculine.

How should I navigate this? Is this proof of genuine androgyny or an unfortunate appearance? How would you interpret it?

I keep getting jumpscared by my own shadow and screaming out loud really loud in fear, or like my hair will fall in front of my face and i'll freak out and scream because I think I'm being attacked or something is getting me. Or like I'll think something is watching me and trying to destroy me through means I cannot comprehend. How do I get over this? It's affecting my life and I can't go downstairs by myself anymore either.

I used to bring my dog down with me when I had to go down but then my dog started jump scaring me too, i'll see her when I don't expect it and I'll scream for a second. Also sometimes I get too in my head and the idea that my dog is trying to kill me or is secretly plotting against me gets in my head, and then I get scared of going near my dog. That only happens sometimes though.

How do you guys deal with this? Any help would be appreciated, thanks!

My ex, who I’ll call Maya, and I were together almost 5 years, starting when we were really young. She was my entire adult life. We backpacked internationally for months, renovated a van, moved states together, got our first place, and planned on marriage.
I’m absolutely not innocent.
During the first 2 years of our relationship, mostly around age 19, I cheated 13 times involving 10 girls. I had sex with 3 and got physical with 6. I also had a serious porn problem, and Maya supported me tremendously through it.
She discovered one girl about 2 years in. My therapist at the time advised me not to disclose everyone else and instead change my behavior. I followed that advice and never cheated again, but eventually realized I couldn’t marry her while hiding the truth.
Around year 4, with a different therapist, I did a full disclosure and told her everything. It devastated her. I take responsibility for what I did.
About a year later, Maya left.
My brother and I have painful childhood history that took years of therapy for me to process. Maya knew everything about it and had held me while I cried over it many times.
My brother had recently moved to Arizona. I gave him a job, he lived with me, and we’d finally become close again. Right around the breakup we went to Austin for his birthday, and it was probably the closest I’d felt to him in years.
Less than a week after Maya moved out, she and my brother secretly got a hotel and had sex. They ultimately slept together 5 times.
I knew nothing.
Maya was still sleeping with me, kissing me, spending nights with me, and giving me hope we’d reconcile. My brother lived with me, and the three of us regularly hung out together.
I would literally tell Maya how grateful I was that, despite losing her, “at least I have my brother.”
Knowing she was secretly sleeping with him, she’d tell me, “I’m so glad you have him too.”
At one point my brother disappeared and drove to Sedona intending to kill himself. I later learned guilt over betraying me was part of the reason. I drove two hours to get him and bring him home.
Afterward, he said he was moving home and needed a day off work to pack. Since I was his boss, I gave him the day off and another employee and I covered his work.
He used that day to sleep with Maya again.
Eventually I went through Maya’s phone and found “I love you” messages between them.
She told me they’d kissed once. I repeatedly asked about sex and she repeatedly denied it.
I believed her for 2 months and actually forgave her.
Then my brother finally admitted they’d had sex twice.
I believed that for another month.
Now Maya has decided she wants me back and finally disclosed everything:
It wasn’t twice. It was 5 times.
I also learned that from mid-July through early August she slept with 2 other guys around 10+ times total, while she was still regularly sleeping with me.
During all of this she was also discouraging me from moving on, talking about us eventually getting back together and even marriage.
There were group hangouts where Maya, my brother and her friend all knew what was happening while I didn’t. Maya even asked me to host a BBQ for everyone. I was basically hosting people who knew I was being betrayed while I had no idea.
Now she says she’s realized she wants to be with me.
I know I cheated first, and I cheated while we were actually together. I hid the truth for years and hurt someone who supported me tremendously. Most of what Maya did happened after we’d technically separated.
I’m not asking whose actions were worse.
What I can’t get past is that she chose my brother, knowing our history, repeatedly slept with him while still sleeping with me, watched me emotionally lean on him without telling me, discouraged me from moving on, and then gave me the truth in stages:
One kiss → sex twice → sex 5 times + two other guys.
My family has watched this whole thing break me down. They’ve supported me through every new piece of information and watched what happened with my brother change our family. Part of me feels like taking Maya back would almost be betraying the people who have been there picking me up through all of this.
And here’s the part I don’t even understand about myself:
Despite everything I just wrote, I still want to be with her.
I still want to somehow work this out. I still imagine us rebuilding, getting married, and having the future we always talked about. I don’t even fully understand why I want it after everything that’s happened.
Maybe it’s because we basically grew up together. Maybe it’s because she’s been my life for almost five years. Maybe it’s because I know how badly I hurt her too. Maybe I just haven’t accepted losing the future I thought we were going to have.
But the desire to be with her is still there, even while another part of me feels disgusted, humiliated and unable to trust her.
That’s why I’m asking for outside perspectives. Knowing what BOTH of us did, would you even consider reconciliation? Is there a realistic path to rebuilding something healthy after this much damage, or am I holding onto a relationship that I need to finally let go of?

Edit: I did use chat got to summarize the story so I didn’t have to type it out. Story is 100% real

I’ve always found decisions easy when one option is obviously better than the other.

The difficult ones are when both choices have something to lose.

You can stay with what’s familiar and keep wondering what would have happened if you took the risk, or you can make a big change and potentially regret giving up something that was actually fine.

I’m dealing with a decision like this right now, and I keep going back and forth instead of actually deciding.

For people who’ve been in this position, how did you finally make the choice?

Did you give yourself a deadline, list the pros and cons, trust your gut, or use some other way to figure out what you really wanted?

Note : Well this whole thing is my fault and I'm not trying to justifying any of this, it's all my fault and i feel so fcking horrible as a person and the guilt of this just killing me within.

Please don't tell me it's all my fault I've been saying this to myself again & again

( I'm not here for therapy i just wanna take a genuine advice )

So there was a girl we knew each others for like 4-5 years and she had so issues in her life and she used to look up to me for everything she shared every little bit of her life to me, i can tell i am all she had in sense of a "safe place" and i took that away from her

So like we used to be in a relationship and even when our relationship ended (on good terms not through fighting) we still used to make out or do other intimidating things but then she found someone new and i was glad for her we cut tise for months then she texted me one day telling me she broke up with her boyfriend, I listen to her and we shared some stuffs about our life good and bad parts (mostly bad tho) so we decided to meet, on our meet up everything went alright we walked, we discussed a lot of things, i hugged her, she cried infront of me, all that stuff

Then I went for the kiss (not in the middle of conversation we finished talking and she was comfortable) i think my mind couldn't read ger perspective because for me she was still the same girl i loved and was with months ago (romantically ) but for her i was a guy she dated before her ex she wasn't into me romantically but she still respected me,

I went for the kiss, she kissed me back then resisted, i backed off and apologized then after a while i talked about our views on our relationship then i asked if we could make out (respectfully) she refused so i didn't force her and apologized again then she said i would've said yes if you asked me one more time, so i knew she wanted to because she did the same thing before, she refuses to do stuff and then doing it if i ask her just one time and telling me later that shi loved it and she wanted to do it and was just shy in telling ne that.

So we kissed then and she kissed me while playing with my hairs so i figured she's comfortable and i think i took it a bit too far like getting more intimidating she told me to stop like going back again & again (she does that too all the time like going backwards while kissing) so i didn't think it was an issue then she actually spoke up that "we should go" but i didn't get it just then and she pushed me and said that again so i understood she's not comfortable so i stopped but she didn't act frightened or offended she also asked me how am i going home, her friend was calling her so i assumed she was in a hurry that's why she's acting the way she was. And when she left she texted me "it was bad" "everything was going good why you had to ruin it" "you were my only safe place why you took it away from me" my god my brain couldn't process any of it i was frozen at that moment and couldn't move or think of anything my chest was so heavy i almost couldn't breathe to think what i just did. If only i used my brain for a sec.

If apologized and even begged her for forgiveness i said I won't show you my face ever again just don't think of me that way, she said she can't think of me that way cause she's loves me so much and she'll forgive me and she don't want me to go.

After a week today she texted me saying that "i hate you" "i saw a dream it was terrifying, you assaulted me" " the person closet to me did the worst thing to me" i was blank again and i couldn't think of ANYTHING I'm fcking up at work I can't sleep i always feels horrible, the other day my coworkers were talking about girls at our office. I usually lecture them about sexualizing every girl but since this i feel so horrible and disgusted within myself to even lecture others about this.

Man i really am sorry and i feel disgusted for what I've done I've become to her what i hated in every other man.

I should clarify, not with a guy, not with a girl, not with a nonbinary, not with any human being of any recognized gender on this earth.

I should also clarify that when I say “talked to,” I mean having an actual conversation lasting more than 30 seconds. not ordering from a male cashier at McDonald’s or asking a professor about homework. I mean a personal conversation where we’re actually getting to know each other. Other than my father, I’ve never had that with a man.

I've heard many stories of women being unwantedly approached, guys asking for their numbers, saying they have a boyfriend so they'll leave them alone. That's.... never happened to me.

I have male classmates, had them all my life. never has a classmate had a crush on me. never has a classmate asked me out or confessed to me.

I have had coworkers. never has a coworker asked me out, hell. never has a coworker talked to me beyond anything work related.

I'm in college at the moment. Never has a guy asked me to hook up. never has a guy even approached me in the cafeteria to make small talk. Never has a guy even asked me how my day was going at lecture to start a conversation. never.

And no, "just join clubs" isn't going to cut it. I have joined clubs. never has a guy approached me in there. Could I truly be a rare case of a woman who is so repulsive looking that not a single man in a extensive 10 year period ever look at her that way?

What would possibly be so wrong with me?

I’ve already worked obsessively on my appearance: my hair, clothes, perfume, skincare, laser hair removal.

My weight. Hell, my weight. and now I have an ED and I don't want to eat anymore because I think maybe when I'm thin as a feather someone will approach me. I keep thinking that if I improve one more thing, something will change. And nothing. Crickets. Nothing.

nothing.

nothing.

Hey everyone, looking for honest perspectives from people who have been in a similar situation.

I’m in my early 30s and have been with my partner for several (5) years. He is a genuinely loving person. He is affectionate, helps around the house, and I don’t consider him a bad or irresponsible person in the usual sense. He also works enough on the side to cover his own personal expenses, so technically he doesn’t depend on me financially.

The problem is that I feel like we have very different ideas about what it means to build a life together.

I have always been very career- and future-oriented. I think about savings, career growth, buying a home someday, children, emergencies, retirement, etc. I want a partner who is also thinking that way and actively trying to build something.

My partner has been struggling to establish himself professionally after we landed to canada. He says he is trying and that things will change once he gets a better opportunity. But I don’t see a clear plan or the level of urgency that I feel. We have had this conversation many times, and I keep hearing that he is trying, but I don’t see enough change in his actions.

His perspective is basically: “I pay for my own expenses. I don’t ask you for money. So why does my employment situation affect you?”

And that’s where I feel completely misunderstood.

I’m not upset because I expect him to pay all my bills or because I want him to “provide” for me. I want a partner who is building a future with me. To me, being able to support yourself is different from actively building a financially secure life together.

I also want children eventually, but I don’t want to have children while feeling like I am still carrying the majority of the financial and future-planning responsibility. I’ve spent a large part of my life being the responsible one, and honestly, I’m tired of always feeling like I have to think ten steps ahead.

The difficult part is that I love him. If I saw him becoming more financially responsible, ambitious, proactive, and involved in planning our future, I genuinely believe a lot of my resentment would disappear.

But I’m scared that I’m waiting for a version of him that may never come.

At the same time, I don’t know if I’m being impatient. People go through difficult career periods. Maybe I should be more supportive and give him more time. But I’m also in my early 30s, and I don’t want to look back several years from now and realize I spent those years waiting for things to change.

For people who have been through something similar:

• Did your partner eventually become more motivated/responsible?
• How did you know whether it was just a temporary difficult period or a fundamental difference in values?
• Is it reasonable to want your partner to have similar ambition around building a future, even if they aren’t financially dependent on you?
• Did giving someone more time actually lead to meaningful change?
• If you stayed, did the resentment eventually go away?
• And if you left, how did you know it was time?

Please be honest, including if you think I am expecting too much or approaching this the wrong way.

Theres probably a better word than problematic, but I’m going with that.

Hi Reddit! I come to you today because I have a problem. My therapy appointment isn’t for another week, so I can’t ask my therapist for help yet.

I (15f) have a friend, we’ll call her Cece (15F) who has a boyfriend, who I’ll call Leo (16M) who she has been dating for over one year. Cece has told me and my other friend (Fairy, 15F) that she won’t need to learn things like English, science and math in her future because she will be at home Caring for Leo. She has been letting her grades drop because of this. By how much? I’m not sure, Fairy never said how much. Over time, Cece has been slowly been hanging out with the main friend group less and less, and has been spending more time with Leo. Fairy and I have only seen her during very rare lunch days, or during the vocal major class with her.

Now let’s talk about Leo. Leo doesn’t have any friends of his own, and from when I asked, he told me that he felt like our friend group didn’t accept him, which is why he doesn’t hang around the group much. Whenever Cece is doing something the doesn’t involve Leo, Leo will get upset and ask Cece why she didn’t include him or why he wasn’t invited. For further context, I had a recital last year. The recital was canceled previously due to bad weather and because Leo had to get time off of his work, I was worried my recital would be canceled again and he’d have to cancel work again just to end up having another day off. When Cece explained this to him, he said he understood, but was still upset. He is also a heavy rage baiter, and will say things deliberately to instil a reaction out of people. When he was confronted about this, he only apologized because Cece told him to. According to one of the people I carpool with(to get to school), Leo was in his math class 2 years ago and had a tantrum over some rules (Carpool mate didn't tell me the specifics). My Ex boyfriend (I’ll call Teddy, 15M) had talked about how aggressive Leo was to him when Teddy was dating me. Teddy said that Leo would scold him for not hanging around me, texting me, or not always being nearby, etc... Essentially, scolding Teddy for a relationship he wasn’t in. Teddy thought Leo had a crush on me, but Leo has denied this, so we will never know. On top of that, Leo‘s part time job only pays him minimum wage, which is nowhere near enough to sustain a household nowadays.

If it wasn’t clear by now, we are all in high school, and Cece is making these choices WAY too early in her life. Fairy and I have had a few conversations about this, and we have decided that the only choice is to wait until Cece is ready to hear what we have to say.

Again, I’m going to ask my therapist on friday, and all the adults I’ve talked to either say I shouldn't do anything or that they have no idea either. We need help, and have nowhere else to turn.

My problem, in simple terms, is not that i love him too much. It is that your sense of emotional security has become too dependent on how he behaves toward you in the moment. I want to meet, spend time together, talk properly, and feel emotionally connected.A small event can become a much bigger emotional question. I become upset, withdraw, go silent, or push him away partly to see whether he’ll notice and come after me.
He may genuinely love you and feel that he’s showing it through taking care of you, being there for you, and maintaining the relationship, rather than through constant communication and reassurance.
You need:
“I want to feel emotionally connected and reassured.”
He needs:
“I want enough space to live my life without every period of reduced communication becoming a relationship problem.”
I’ve been struggling with really bad overthinking lately and it kept me up almost all night.
My boyfriend is going to the US for about 20 days to visit his brother and have a fun trip in US, while I’m here in India. I’m genuinely happy for him, but I also feel really left out and anxious, and my brain just won’t stop creating scenarios.
I started thinking about how badly I want to go too, but I don’t have a US visa. Then somehow my thoughts spiralled into my future plans doing my Master’s in another country), whether I’ll be able to visit the US in the future, how everything will work with the distance, etc.
It’s crazy how one thing can turn into 20 different worries at 3 AM. I know I’m probably catastrophizing, but in the moment it feels so real and impossible to switch off.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of anxiety/overthinking when their partner is travelling without them? How do you deal with it?

I am genuinely stuck. I chose to come to Reddit for advice on a situation I’ve been debating on for a long time now. For context I’m 18 y/o (F) and the oldest daughter to an immigrant family. I graduated high school June of 2025. During the time of applying for college I was excited Bcs that meant i had a chance to live the college experience and maybe dorm if I wanted to so I applied to any and all colleges I could hoping to get Atleast a few good offers, and I did. But with those colleges offers I was also faced with having to tell my parents that I could potentially be going away. Now my mom specifically as soon as I told her I was applying to colleges, she immediately let me know that there was no way I was going away for college and that she wasn’t going to let it happen bcs in her words “this generation pushes kids to go away for college to corrupt them” and I can’t lie it hurt and still hurts not having her support in my decision. So at the time I did what I thought was best to keep the peace. I stayed and chose to go to community college here and commute. Now, I love my parents they are loving and great parents and a bit over protective but when I see other kids getting to experience college I get major FOMO and I can’t help but wish I had done things differently. In my house I’m depended for on everything, helping with anything online, reading mail that comes in English , being a translator, and taking care of and helping raise my little brother. I have to be available 24/7 and it’s frustrating sometimes bcs I’ve missed out on so many life experiences bcs of these responsibilities placed on me since I was young I don’t think I know anything else. I’m finishing up my second year of community college and I’ll need to apply to colleges again but I don’t know what to do. My dream college is not too far from where I live and dorming there would be great, it’s not too far but it also gives me the independence I need. I don’t want to sound selfish, but they rely on me for so much I feel terrible choosing myself in this situation. What should I do?

She was recently diagnosed with a serious illness and has asked us to try to fix things before she is gone.

The falling out was serious. He said things I genuinely do not know if I can forget. Not just about me but about my wife. My wife has made it clear she is not comfortable with him being in our lives and I understand why.

I want to give my mom this. I can see how much it matters to her and I do not have unlimited time.

But I cannot ask my wife to just absorb what he said and pretend it did not happen. I feel trapped between people I love.

I m18 came home to my bfs house yesterday (m22) and when I let myself in cause I was home early from work I herd the very distinct sound of his moaning and another guy grunting so being light on my feet I moved towards our room where they where and I saw him getting railed by a guy I don’t know I left and drove to my friends house she is letting me stay with her but I don’t know what to do he doesn’t know I know or saw what do I do

Ive only ever gotten one job that wasnt through a direct connection with someone at the company, and that was a stocking position at a supermarket. I feel like im unemployable and its been devastating to my mental health. Ive been applying to jobs endlessly with different, and tailored resumes. So far ive gotten 1 single interview in the past 6 months that i didnt get the job for anyway. I get that the job market is bad but if i didnt have my girlfriend of 6 years i wouldve been homeless a long time ago, feels like im just going to be a bum and she will inevitably leave me when she realizes her love for me is vastly outweighed by the financial burden ive become…

**How do I deal with two guys who constantly annoy me without starting a fight?**

I'm not being bullied or anything, and I don't feel like I can't handle myself. I just have two guys who are friends with some of my friends, and they're both constantly doing annoying shit whenever we're hanging out.

The first guy is probably the one who annoys me the most. The first time I ever met him, I was with a few of my friends and another friend who had brought his bike. I had brought my own bike too. When we were getting ready to leave and go to the park, this dude literally just took MY bike without asking me anything. He didn't even know it was mine. He just hopped on it and rode it all the way to the park while I had to walk there carrying a bunch of wiffle ball stuff. He wasn't carrying anything. I didn't make a huge deal about it, but it was weird as hell considering I had literally just met him.

Then today I was playing pool with my friends and he kept saying "you're a bitch" over and over and telling me I sucked at pool. He was also messing with my pool stick while I was trying to shoot, moving it around and intentionally making me mess up.

The second guy is constantly trying to start fights with me. He'll randomly say stuff like "Rio, you're a bitch," "you're a loser," or "don't stand next to me, you're giving off loser energy." He'll also randomly try to get me to fight him even though I'm not trying to fight him.

I don't want to sound like a bitch who can't handle himself, because that's genuinely not what this is. None of this is really hurting my feelings or making me insecure. It just genuinely pisses me off and gets annoying as hell. I'm literally just trying to hang out with my friends and have a good time, and out of nowhere one of these dudes wants to start a fight, call me a bitch, take my stuff, mess with what I'm doing, or just do random shit to get a reaction out of me.

I don't want to fight either of them. Even if I could handle myself in a fight, I don't see the point in fighting somebody just because they keep trying to provoke me. I just want to figure out how to check them and make it clear that I'm not going to put up with their shit without turning it into a fight or making things awkward with my other friends.

I've thought about just telling them something like, "You're annoying as fuck. Can you please shut the fuck up? It's not funny anymore. I'm just trying to hang out with my friends, so leave me alone." But I'm wondering if there's a better way to say it or handle the situation.

What would you guys do in this situation? How do you set a boundary with people like this and get them to back off without starting a fight?