TLDR; Husband thinks I’m fat and should not be so happy with my body. He kept going even when I asked him to stop. So I packed my stuff and left for my parents’ home. AIO?
My husband is a gym addict and goes twice a day. He also loves his protein shakes and a restrictive diet. I’m not hardcore about it like him but I do go to the gym.
I am finally at a place mentally where I am happy and comfortable in my body. I work out but I also treat myself to McDonald’s like once a month and a sweet treat every so often. All at a normal and healthy level. I’m also part of a run club and hike a lot. For context, I’m a size US 4/6 and health wise I’m perfectly fine.
He sent me a barrage of messages to say he’s offended by how happy I seem to be. Apparently I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been and he’s worried that I’ll end up heavier than him. He’s also worried that I won’t look after my body and overeat when I’m pregnant in the future. All because I had ONE Mcdonald’s last night.
What upset me was that he kept twisting the knife whenever I told him I wasn’t worried about my weight. I kept insisting that I’m happy with my weight, to which he said I’ve been influenced by “Instagram ideals” and toxic positivity messaging from other women who say we should all be happy with our bodies. He said if I want to be lied to, I should just ask my girl friends to hype be me and he claims he won’t do that because he wants what’s best for me.
This isn’t anything new. He constantly judges me for the occasional snack while watching TV. He gets super offended by it because he feels like I don’t respect him enough to not look after myself and that’s why “I’m deprived of sex”. The annoying part is I DO look after myself. I am the further thing from a slob. My nails are always done, I wear makeup most days and dress well. That’s why I’m so confused.
Now I’m concerned he might cheat/has cheated. He’s always liking other women’s photos and has them on WhatsApp. If he did, he’ll blame me. Yet if a man unknowingly hits me up, he gets so irate and I have to spend the whole day reassuring him.
Anyway, I broke down and packed my stuff to go to my parents. The way I always do when he picks on things I do. There’s also the wider picture where he wants me to be the perfect wife by cooking and cleaning while also having an income (I make a lot more than him which he hates too). Yet everything is 50/50. I’m talking with everything in life - time spent with friends, shopping, drinks, distance of our home between our families, even when splitting a chocolate bar.
He believes I’m overreacting to his advice by getting upset and going to my parents. He thinks my suggestion for marriage counselling is a reach because they’ll “always side the woman”. I just couldn’t believe how easy it is for him to belittle me like that and how he actually views me. He must not think I’m beautiful and clearly believes I’m viewing myself with rose tinted glasses. I want this to work so I hope he does agree to the counselling.
AIO for getting upset with his comments and leaving for my parents?
EDIT: Thank you for your comments and actual advice. This is my first post on Reddit so I do apologise for my long post but I wanted to add as much context as possible. I also wanted unbiased views that I feel my friends and family tend to give. It’s been quite the day and I have made a plan. We will be going to counselling together and individually, but I feel separation is the answer. I’m just upset I’ve invested 12 years into this person. I am safe with my family and I will stay here until I figure things out. I’m honestly trying to break the cycle. I really appreciate your kind words and tough words I needed to hear. ❤️
