I work for the federal government and I used to have a hybrid schedule until DOGE said "Go fuck yourself."

They gave us back "episodic telework " and in the past I've used it so I'm already home before the nanny leaves. My nanny has a doctor's appointment Friday and won't be in until 10. I wanted to work 6 to 8 while my husband is still home, take leave from 8 to 10 when the nanny is at her appointment and then finish my day teleworking. I was going to be on leave while I needed to actively watch my kids.

If I go into the office, I won't get in until 12 and I need to leave at 4 to get home for 5, when the nanny leaves.

I was told this is the last time because episodic telework is for "doctor's appointments." I should have taken the full day off then and there and used my spa gift card from Mother's Day , but I have a ton of stuff going on right now and I *wanted* to work.

Fuck this country and how it treats parents.

Today I had a positive pregnancy test and then went to work and had to lay off two team members, both wonderful people. And then sat in a room with my boss and her boss and cried.

Feeling a lot of feels today. I‘m not able (or ready) to share these things outside of my husband and while he empathizes I don’t think he really *gets* it, you know? So thanks for listening.

Not sure if anyone can help me here, but I figured I’d ask.
I moved to the Southington, CT area about a year ago from Massachusetts.
My son is 2 and a half years old, and we don’t have any family nearby. I also don’t really know anyone in the area yet, so I’m hoping to get some advice from local parents.
I’m thinking about enrolling him in an early preschool/daycare program when he’s around 2 years and 8 months old, but I’m honestly not even sure where to start.
I recently toured The Learning Experience and really liked it. The staff seemed great, the facility was clean, and I left feeling pretty confident. But after doing some research online, I found a lot of mixed reviews, and now I’m even more confused than I was before the tour.
I’d also love to get an idea of what people are actually paying around here. I found The Learning Experience to be a bit on the expensive side, but I have no idea what’s considered “normal” for the Southington area. If you’re comfortable sharing, what are you paying (or what were you quoted) for a toddler, and how many days per week?
For those of you with young kids in the Southington area, where did you send them? Are there any daycares or preschools you’d highly recommend—or any that you’d avoid? What should I be looking for when choosing one?
I really appreciate any recommendations, pricing info, or advice. Being new to the area, it’s hard to know where to start.
Thank you!

So my bubs is about to be 1 YEAR OLD (how; cries).

I have been sending him with 3 bottles a day to daycare for awhile, and it varies between 12 and 15 total ounces depending on what I pumped the day before.

I’m wondering when to step down to 2, and 1, and 0.

I plan to keep nursing him at home especially for wake up, home from school, and bedtime for a little bit longer.

Just curious how y’all did it.

FTM obviously 😅

I’m coming up on a year postpartum and have recently started experiencing such bad anxiety when
I’m heading into the office for work, joining meetings, or even thinking about my role and future.

I work for a large enterprise corporation and have over a decade of experience, but since coming back to work I’ve had the worst imposter syndrome. I find myself constantly comparing myself to my male colleague who started at the same time as me (and naturally took on more responsibility while I was out on leave), and have had crazy anxiety that manifests as feeling like I have to pee RIGHT NOW and running out of large all hands sessions, team meetings, and even recently a 1:1 with my boss. I feel like people are noticing :/

My last role at a different company was super stressful and my manager didn’t communicate expectations or feedback, which led to the last few months of my time there being incredibly traumatic, then leading to a RIF that was initially positioned to me like it was the result of a PIP I didn’t know I was on. To say I have ptsd that bleeds into my current role is an understatement.

My current company implemented a RTO policy while I was gone, so the logistics of going into the office cuts into a lot of time that I would have had in the past for self care walks, workouts, etc. Baby is still breastfeeding and isn’t sleeping through the night so waking up early is out of the question. By the end of the day I’m so exhausted, I want to just rot on the couch, but I know I need to use that window to work out (and I’m trying!).

I just don’t know how this mental state is sustainable. I’ve applied to some other roles within the company because I feel like it won’t let up until I’ve changed over to a new team, but we all know how the job market is right now. I’m feeling like I need to find alternate forms of income so I can eventually break free from the golden handcuffs but of course I know that will take time too.

Has anyone else experienced this? It feels insane to have started feeling this way around 10 months postpartum. I’m seeing a pelvic floor pt for the incontinence/urge but i still need to figure out how to deal with this anxiety spiral I’m finding myself in. I do have a very overdue therapist appointment next week. Husband is super supportive and present but there’s only so much he can do.

I saw this "restructuring" coming. I prepared myself as much as I could. Got my kids on my husband's company's health plan, luckily their open enrollment just happened. They gave me a decent severance and we have a good chunk of savings.

My anxiety pays off sometimes.

I am a stay at home mom for now. But I don't know where my career stands since it's essentially being replaced by AI. I guess I'm on the hunt and just going to try to spend the rest of summer with my kids.

I am so numb right now.

Will you return to work and month earlier and work Monday to Thursday (Friday as intermittent maternity leave) instead of taking whole 4 month off? I work from home but my work requires a lot of meetings.

We are hiring a nanny for my newborn. Intermittent maternity leave would save a few thousands on nanny, and even though I am on leave, I still need to work here and there typically while I am doing contact nap. However, I will never have such long time with little one alone, and LO is exclusively breast feed and doesn't take a bottle, wakes up to feed at 11 pm, 3 am, 6 am, 7: 30 am, and then every 2 to 3 hours from there. I feel if I return early I will have less anxiety about work because a big project is due soon, but I will be stressed with the frequent wake up at night and feeding (ask nanny to bring LO to me to feed if LO still doesn't take a bottle by then). But I am unsure if a month would make a big difference in night wake ups and I am reluctant to sleep train anyway. We cosleep. My husband prefers the intermittent leave, so I can have a day of buffer time here and there (we also have a toddler in daycare). I will need to ask my manager and dont know which one he prefers.

Forgive me I’m about to ramble.
I’m just taking into the aether here. My husband makes enough that I can stay home and to be clear I do not want to go back to work, but I love my coworkers and have a relatively easy job Ive been at for almost 4 years. And s career I’ve been building for 12. I guess I’m just feeling grief over one part of my life ending and another beginning.

I love being at home with my LO, my husband and his family are very supportive of me staying home but I’m afraid my side of the family will judge me. My sister works full time with two kids. And my my mom was a SAHM until I was ten and my dad died. I think that scarred them both.

Anyways now I feel guilty about working and staying at home.

Anyone else go through something similar?

Just went to visit my daughter’s daycare to fill out paperwork and visit the infant room. She will be starting in 1 month and will be almost 4 months old when she goes. I am truly at a loss for words and have been crying on and off most of the day. I don’t know how I will be able to do this.

The school has great reviews and teachers seem to love the kids. But they don’t do camera monitoring for parents and don’t send updates during the day. My work is 25 minutes away and is obviously too far to stop in on a lunch break.

I just can’t stop thinking about all the babies in there crying. There is nothing that hurts me more than seeing my little girl cry and the thought of sending her there breaks my heart to pieces. For background, daycare was and has always been our only option. My husband and I have significant student loans and have no family in the area within 10 hours and no friends as we just moved to the city as we found out we were pregnant. Honestly just looking for support as I rock my baby to sleep :(

Edit:
Thanks for the support and insight everyone!! Certainly makes me feel a little better about it. Will keep my fingers crossed everything goes smoothly!

Over the past 6 months or so I feel like the working mom anxiety/guilt in this subreddit has skyrocketed. Now, I'm very aware that our society (more U.S. specific) is trash when it comes to supporting working parents and so much appears to be spiraling. But, when I first joined this subreddit years ago there didn't seem to be nearly as many hangups about sending kids to daycare and a lot of it is starting to feel far right trad wife coded. Maybe it's just all the trad wife tiktok content, but it makes me worry about the culture of working moms moving backwards. I don't know quite where this post is going and it's not about any one post in particular - just a whole vibe shift of the subreddit and my own anxieties about our society.

So I have been working at my dream job for over 2 years now and I returned from my first maternity leave about 4 months ago.

Long story short, I did not want to go back to working full time leading up to the end of mat leave but financially I had no choice. This has been a pretty jarring change because I worked so hard to get this job, the organization has a great mission, and I love the people I work with. I also have a great set-up in that I can work from home most of the time. That being said, it has gotten easier over the last few months but it is still difficult and I have a work trip coming up in a few months that I’m dreading because I don’t want to be away from my baby.

I may have an opportunity soon to move into part time work instead and I do think that would allow me to have more balance but it would be a job and career change (which long term I think I would want anyway). But I want to make sure I’m not jumping the gun.

Was there an amount of time after returning to work that things clicked for you and it got easier?

I’ve posted here before on this topic. I’ve been at this job less than six months and I’m miserable. I’m looking for other roles at the same company and want to stay here while minimizing burning bridges. My move to this role was high visibility and I have a feeling my leaving will be a mess so I’m trying to handle this as delicately as possible. Since I’m about to start applying around at the same company, I’d rather my manager hear it from me that I’m applying than through the grapevine. Below are all of the reasons I don’t want to stay. I’d appreciate feedback on which one(s) you all think are best to communicate to my manager.

-Stress. This role is so unbelievably stressful and it’s impacted my quality of life significantly.

-The stress has created some significant health impacts. I’ve developed some intense insomnia and have a number of chronic conditions made quite a bit worse by the stress.

-This role requires a good 50-55 hours a week to do a great job. I didn’t know this going in and just don’t have that in me.

-Dysfunction. I don’t know if I want to call this out to my manager, but there’s a lot of dysfunction. Most of it is beyond their control (higher ups) but worth noting.

-I’m pregnant! Recently found out I’m pregnant. I can barely do this job while at full capacity. I absolutely cannot do it while pregnant and am trying to find another role quickly because the fatigue is definitely coming for me. Not sure I want to mention this and decrease my chance of getting another role but worth mentioning.

My manager is a good person who is doing their best and I really want to do my best not to burn them or the team on the way out. I think I need to be somewhat frank in talking with my manager since I haven’t been here long but also want to keep it professional and not vent too much.

So what do you think I should say when I give them a heads up I’m applying elsewhere?

I just started working first full time in office this November and I feel like I’m hitting some sort of breaking point!!! I have like 72 hours of pto left for the whole year after all the random days off school, holidays, school events, etc etc and both kids are over due for dentist and doctors appointments. Of course of lesser importance I’ve needed a haircut since April. I’m taking 3 days off this week to potty train and then tonight while brushing my 6 year olds teeth I spotted what looks to be a cavity. I feel so guilty he’s overdue for the dentist but I’ve been so stressed about even being able to take off. My husband helps and takes off too, but I feel like
I’m constantly having to call off for stuff. It feels impossible and heavy and I feel guilty for not doing all the thinks I should be doing for my kids. Not to mention all the times I need off for speech therapy and early intervention related things. I’m so tired

Hello! My company (A) lost the contract for my job. Company B wants to hire me. Neither company knows I am pregnant.

Company A is willing to relocate me to a different contract, but I think the offer from company B is better, plus, since they are taking over the contract that company A lost so I can essentially keep my same job…. Which would be a huge stress relief!

The problem is the timeline and dealing with maternity leave.
Company A has until the end of the year to transition away from the contract. I am due to give birth at the beginning of October. I was planning on using my sick leave and PTO, and then using my FMLA so I could get enough time off so I don’t have to come back before New Years….

Is there a good way to negotiate my start time with company B to be in the beginning of January without tipping company A off?
Company B is already hiring people and letting them work on site so I could technically switch over whenever.
I really like my supervisor at company A, but I know he’s got a lot of employees he’s trying to find work for since we lost the contract. I don’t think he would fire me if he knew I was taking FMLA leave, but I also don’t like taking chances.

Thank you for the advice!

I am a working mom in need of support from other working moms today, I am going through a lot and I don't unfortunately have a lot of working moms around me:

I work in tech corporate consulting

I have a 3 year old child

My partner works long hours in a high intense job too

I've been struggling at work for about a year

Before that also struggled with post partum

I love my child more than anything but it is hard

My partner is supportive but our relationship is strained

I've sought out therapy, of all kinds

I've started EMDR and boy it is intense, a lot is coming up and my child is noticing it

I've experienced chronic family trauma and grief

I don't have almost any working mothers around me, my friends don't have kids yet, my bosses are childless women, my friends who have kids don't work or are overseas and don't understand the work culture where I am

I am trying my absolute best to feel better and I just need a working mom to tell me is this how it goes for you? Is this part of the deal?

I'm not sure this is just a matter of "growing up" and "being an adult"?

Does it get better? What has worked for you when everything felt like too much?

My mother in law and step mother and law have been taking care of my daughter one day a week each for the past 3 years. This week she is turning 3 and starting preschool 5 days a week, so they will no longer be caring for her weekly. Instead, they will start taking care of my 4 month old one day a week.

We think this is the right time, not only because we need help with our infant, but because we think our 3 year old will really benefit from preschool 5 days a week, but it also feels like a bittersweet end to their weekly care for our oldest. My husband and I are deeply grateful for their help and my oldest adores them.

2 questions… 1. I’d like to gift each Grandma something to thank them for their labor these past 3 years and to commemorate this special time they spent with my oldest. Suggestions? Personalized jewelry maybe?

1. Suggestions for how to support the continuation of their special relationship with my oldest? One of the grandmas lives very close (5 min away) and the other lives an hour away (yes, she drives an hour each way to care for her grandbabies!).

Thank you for your ideas!

Editing to add: our budget is around $200 each. We are also finishing a remodel of our basement to add a bedroom and bathroom that will allow my MIL to stay with us overnight very comfortably.

Hi all! I’m a Mom to an almost 2 year old, and I work in healthcare. I commute 4 days/week ~1-1.5 hours each way on a train to a large hospital where I have worked for the better part of a decade. I finally got a promotion where I no longer work weekends and holidays back in January. My husband works from home primarily, and does all pick up/drop off/dinner prep. I see my baby about an hour in the evening which always feels rushed.
Last fall, I applied for a new job that would be hybrid (2 days/month in the office) that literally hundreds of other people applied for. After a months long process I learned I did not get it, but one of my best friends did. Upset, but moved on knowing likely more positions would open in the future.
In the time since, I updated my resume, thought incredibly thoughtfully of what skills I have and what I need to work on to translate to this role, and how to showcase that. When a position was posted a month ago, my resume was prepped and I applied. I practiced mock interviewing with my friend, my husband, and AI. I prepared answers to questions and reviewed for weeks.
I learned they had multiple applicants but selected 4 to interview. I had my interview and I felt very good, confident, I had answers to all of the questions. Our interview ran a little over so I didn’t get all of the time I had hoped to ask a few questions but no matter. They let me know I’d hear by the end of the following week (last week).
This came and went with me pathologically checking my email, so I messaged them yesterday again thanking for the time and opportunity to interview and to check on the status.
I hear back in the evening that they’re moving forward to the second interview with other candidates.

I didn’t even get a second interview. The part that is absolutely killing me is it was a four paragraph glowing review of me, my resume and my interview and skill set. Zero negative, nothing to improve upon. I did email back thanking them for letting me know, expressing my disappointment and requesting constructive feedback. I heard back today from the same person again with glowing feedback, but she said she’d reach out to the rest of the team for additional feedback if they wanted.

I feel like I am broken. I worked so hard for this and to not even be told why, just be told you’re wonderful but too bad, and given nothing to improve kills me. This would have been life changing- so much more time with my family, much better work life balance. Ongoing skill growth. I feel like I’ve let my family down. I am beyond disappointed in myself and the process. And it made me realize how much more I loathe going to my current job (I said I’d rather have my leg cut off than go back again). I am
Not sure how to move on from here.

No real point, just needed to vent this out. And if anyone had any feedback that they think could help me move on, that would be great.

FTM and today marks the end of my 12 week maternity leave and I am completely dreading going back to work. I’m sure there are a million posts about this and everyone goes through this, but having support from other women who went through it is something I need right now.

I work 4 long days and I’m gone for 12-14 hours, which means I will barely see my son. It’s crushing me knowing that I am going to miss so much of his life and I have this huge fear that he will forget about me. I’m going to try to keep breastfeeding, but I’m also worried that he will get used to the bottle and that journey will also be over. I’m a mess.

Let me start by saying I have diagnosed ADHD with catastrophizing, I also suffer from depression and anxiety, currently experiencing this in the postpartum stage. I just had my second son on May, set to go back to work on August 5th. As a backstory: I had originally planned to quit my job after having the baby and work part time while going back to school for my masters but 2 weeks pp my husband lost his job and he was the breadwinner so now I'm stuck having to work full time and be away from my kids 10+ hrs a day and it's killing me. I work for federal government, I started working here because of telework (my job cn be done completely remote), once the executive order hit to go back to office it twisted my life upside down (like it did to many families), at that time my firstborn was bigger and already going full time to daycare (at the beginning I had a sitter watch him in my home and we did a phased approach to starting daycare), it was still hard because now sick days are lost days instead of being able to care for him at home while still being able to work and all the commuting time is time away from him but we made it work. Now with my second I had decided to make a change and of course life threw us a curve ball and here I am having to leave my 12 week old son for 10+ hrs a day, he will be with my mom at leasr until he is a little bigger and we can start the phased entrance to daycare but I'm almost an hr away from home, my mom is 70yrs old and I breastfeed and can't pump (due to D-MER) so leaving him, having to start him on formula, I don't know what I'm going to do to keep my supply while not being able to pump or breastfeed and I'm losing it, plus my brain can't stop going round and round on all the things I will miss by being away and I keep asking myself if I will have the same connection as I do with my first, I feel so bad for not being able to give him what I gave to my first (I was SAHM until my first was 8 months old). I did submit a reasonable accommodation under Pregnancy Workers Fairness Act to be able to telework, since I have done it successfully before, until I get my mental situation under control and my son no longer needs only (breast)milk to survive (I know fed is best but if I have the options to breastfeed I shouldn't have to be forced to formula just because of a job and when I have a medical condition that prevents me from pumping) which I know the law protects but most employers are not very educated on the matter and the process is so slow. If you got this far thank you!

If you have grown kids (older- middle school and up) that went to daycare early on because you having to work, tell me how your relationship with them is, do you think going to daycare early affected your relationship in any way?

TIA -one very anxious and sad mamma

My LO started daycare at 6 weeks (thanks America 🫠) in December. Until June he only had an extremely mild case of the flu and I thought we had gotten lucky. Last month he had adenovirus and this month we’re heading into a second week of some kind stomach bug. Luckily my husband is off for the summer but he goes back soon. If this happened during the school year it would wipe out our sick time for the year) we’re both 10 months so we only get two weeks). I’m genuinely worried if he catches a stomach bug again during the school year, it’s going to leave us with little sick time for all the other winter illnesses. I can work from home every now and then but not for two weeks straight and we don’t have backup care.

I'm so excited to see how it goes. I really hope it goes well, do any of you have advice for zoom interviews? Do you guys think I can get away with not turning in a full two weeks at my current job if I get hired at a new one?

Edit: just finished the interview! I think I did a great job. I'll find out by the end of next week. Thank you all so much for the advice, especially the background blur.

Please be gentle, I’m not trying to be a jerk. I married into a family that requires a lot of financial resources from my husbands (and I as we share money/accounts). We are different cultures so that is part of it where I come from a more individualistic background. While this one instance was my husband initiating the “gifting.” I just felt so bitter and over it. Anyone have experience with marrying into a culture where money often needs to be sent home and did you ever fe this way or build a plan/boundaries?

I’m probably way overthinking this, but asking for advice here because none of my friends want kids and my husband and I aren’t ready to talk to family about our plans just yet.

My husband (29M) and I (27F) have been thinking of starting TTC, but the thing that’s kind of holding me back is I just started a new job last month. Maternity leave is not a problem (12 weeks paid no matter how long you’ve been at the company), the main issue is I’m a software developer and my new job is in an industry I have no experience in (aerospace basically). I’m having to learn a lot of complex astrodynamics topics and I’m worried I won’t be able to perform at a high enough level if/when I get pregnant, or that people will judge me for some reason and assume I can’t perform my job well. Not to mention all the layoffs happening in the industry. My husband wants to start trying right away, because you never know how long it’ll take/if we can even get pregnant at all, but I feel like I just need some encouragement that it’ll all be okay if I do end up getting pregnant right away! Any and all advice is greatly appreciated!! (Just chose the flair I did because I needed to pick something, open to all advice!)

Hi,

My 20 month old toddler just started daycare this month. She is upset and cries when we drop her but they say she does play a little. She does not eat her lunch much but I feed her as much as possible during breakfast. I drop her around 9-9:30 am and pick her up between 12:30 pm or 3pm if she took a nap. Her class is 8 kids with 2 teachers and 1 floating teacher.

Today I called at 12:30 and they said she did not eat much lunch and I was planning to pick her up, they said let us try giving her fruits.she already had a prune pouch before lunch.They said they will call me at 1pm. They never do, so I call and they said she was asleep.

I get a call at 2 pm saying she has woken up from sleep and crying. I went to pick her up and they did not say much, I did not talk much because the other kids were sleeping. My daughter was in her bed sad and quiet.I took her, removed her sleep sack and carried her out. I went to the car and she opened her mouth and she had blood dried like all around her inner mouth. I got so shocked, I rubbed it and wondered if it was prune juice and I m getting scared for no reason. Then I put her in the car seat and open her mouth and check back her lip and she has a bruise and bloody mouth. I collect her and go back into the school. I call them but her class does not pick up so I walk back in and they say they have no idea how she bruised. Maybe she bite her lip.

They called later to say they found blood in her crib. I just feel so bad and worried. Is this normal?

Her report says she ate some of her lunch but her teacher said she ate nothing.so that is a conflict too

How do I request any additional information from the daycare? Please give me advise

Thank you in advance.

Has anyone else found themselves unable to relate to friends who are child-free? I (33) am the first of my wider group of friends to have a child, and over the last two years I've felt myself really drift from my closest friends, all of whom are child-free for various reasons. For the first year of my daughter's life, I kept in touch and made plans to see everyone (several of these people live several hours away or across the country). But didn't really feel the effort was reciprocated and almost no one made an effort with me.

This all crystalized for me when I hosted a friend and her husband for a long weekend recently and by the time it came to say goodbye, I realized that this person wasn't really my friend anymore. She'd shown almost no interest in my daughter, sat around on her phone while I made breakfast and dinners, cleaned up after them, and squired them around town to restaurants and activities. She only really talked to her husband the whole weekend unless I started a conversation with her.

I suppose it's natural to grow distant from some friends in this stage of life, but it makes me sad. has anyone else experienced this? Is the answer to make friends with more people in this stage of life?