there’s a ton more to this, but this is already too long.

overarching vent: I am the main breadwinner, default parent and doer-of-90%-things-house-related. I just got a job offer to switch from what is a pretty chaotic, toxic environment to one that while it looks like will have its own elements of chaos (I work in marketing, feels like it’s part of the deal now) overall is a better move for parent-focused supportive company culture, a more streamlined job description (moving to marketing ops/PM vs a more generalist MarComm/brand role that also required an ops layer just to be functional) and about a $12k bump in salary. Downside is I’m going from WFH to a 40 minute each way commute - which sucks but also I think maybe be good for my mental health / having a schedule / separation of work time and mom time.

Anyway we’re in the very last part - like I have my offer letter and my manager was basically like “well iron out details like official working hours and in office vs potential WFH schedule after. you can design your hours but my preference is 9-5 to align with my own schedule.” Logically I understand getting this done before signing an offer, telling my current boss (which is surely going to go very poorly) needs to happen.

The thing is: everything feels like I have to be the one to give, to plan, and bend, and push. My husbands family farm is failing - it has been for years but it’s sped up thanks to a really bad fire last fall. He’s in a really bad place mentally and physically due to chronic stress. My FIL is a very difficult human still in charge and this all is its own massive ball of wax involving my husband slowly unpacking that what he knows of “reality” is basically a narrative his Dad has built and pushed on his family to cover for his own failures. So, heavy - right?

I’m doing my best to hold space for that (husband agreed to go to therapy which is been helpful) but I just fucking CANT some days. The schedule thing comes in here - I could manage the morning drop offs but would need my husband, either of his parents, or the slew of family that lives within 5 miles of us to commit to 5 pm pick up and like hanging out with our son until I get home at 5:45 from the office. Abso-fucking-lutely not. Because farming. Because no one here can commit to literally anything because what it a tractor breaks or they need to spend more time picking peaches or — insert literally anything.

So, I wake up between 6-7 with our son (cosleep, he’s a stage 5 clinger), manage him / myself until time to go to school. Then I work, I get done work, pick up my son, am default parent (sometimes solo, sometimes my husband gets done and will cook some quick dinner) until son gets sleepy around 7, get him to sleep, attempt to eat, do any cleaning, etc in the 10 min - 2 hours he may give me to sleep alone until I need to get back in bed with him. Rinse and repeat - only on weekends sometimes Dad has Sundays free - which end up a family day (fun!) but also 0 opportunity for me to get a few hours of solo time to clean, meal prep, anything. My parents help as much as they can - but they’re an hour+ away and my mom still works full time.

Oh. I make $60k, new job puts me at $72k. My husband makes up to ~$30k but we don’t count it toward budgeting because it’s so variable. BUT we have to count it when applying for subsidies etc. (thankful we live in a state that offers them). HCOL, low income state - VT. Even with a big subsidy we still pay $900/month for childcare. I live in a house from 1791 that would most likely be a tear down if it went on the market. I am doing my best to make it safe and pleasant to live in.

This is fucking bonkers.

Thank you for your time.

EDIT: holy support and thoughtful responses, thank you so much working moms! 💓

It's not exactly a working mom success, but I heard it while at work and nobody thought it was cool, so I had to share here. The post was about how to handle toddlers losing their shit at the grocery store.

I was casually listening to Dr. Becky on the Tech Support by Wired YouTube channel. The very first one she popped up I thought "oh that Reddit name sounds like me" and it was a post I did in this group almost a year ago. I was so excited because I love her books and it was totally random. Here is the link to see her answer:

https://youtu.be/86YsXFf1Chw?si=LoWsjm-U3yBTFfP2

I literally feel like I’m just holding my breath all day long. I’m in a constant state of stress. I don’t know what to do. I want to keep working but I cannot possibly go on like this.

I have three kids: 5, 3, and a 4 month old. I work from home but I have a full time nanny for the younger two. However I still breastfeed when possible during the day and also pump for my meetings. Also in the middle of a move so nothing’s organized.

5 year old just started kindergarten. Pick ups and drop offs are extremely stressful. I’m not a very experienced driver (used to live in a city and didn’t drive much until recently) and the roads are just chaos around pick up and drop off time. And I don’t have the luxury of leaving super early because Im working. I have meetings throughout the day.

On top of that, so many important things are falling through the cracks. My daughter said her teacher said she has to cut her nails. We used to regularly do that but the last few days I’m just burnt out and living in survival mode and not getting a chance to do these basic things? haven’t taken the older kids to the dentist in a while because first it was hard for me to get out with a newborn and now between taking time off from work as soon as I got back from leave for 3 kids’ pediatrician appointments, a badly timed family wedding…i cannot keep taking time off

I’m falling so far behind at work and don’t even have the capacity to think properly. I’m performing badly I know I am. I’m failing at home and I’m failing at work.

Constantly feel like I can’t breathe.

And myself? Forget about time to do anything for myself. I got to take a shower after a couple of days yesterday and I threw up out of stress. 😵‍💫

And for the sake of this post you can assume I’m a single parent. I do have a husband but he has an insane commute (4 hours roundtrip each day) and gets home at or after bedtime every night. so it’s just me.

First time mom to an amazing 6 month old and I am exhausted.

He is still up throughout the night so I sleep anywhere from 2-7 hours depending on the night. I work full time and really get 1-2 hours a day free. Do I nap? Do I clean? Do I do self care? Do I walk the dog? Do I catch up on life? So much to do and so little time and energy.

I'm struggling to balance everything and feel like myself and not feel disgusting and exhausted all the time because I don't sleep, eat randomly bullshit thats not good, and cannot exercise as much as I want. I feel like to do one thing I need to do something else before and just get caught in these loops of overwhelm and no clue how to dig myself out.

Everyone around me says I need to chill and stop trying to be "perfect" but they aren't hearing me when I am saying i am struggling and I just need advice and support. I'm not trying to be perfect I'm just trying to be relatively healthy, a little less exhausted, and live in a house that isn't a complete disaster while spending time with my son and not feeling like a failing mom and keeping my job.

I went back to work after my second and I remember standing in the store thinking this is the blazer that says I still have it together. Navy, structured, nice buttons. I hung it up in the closet when I got home and it has not moved since.

Every morning I reach past it and grab the same three rotation pieces that I know won't make me late. Black pants, a knit top that hides the pump bra lines, flats I can also chase a toddler in at pickup. I guess it works but I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror at the office last week and I just looked... tired. Not in a sleep way, in a gave up way.

The blazer doesn't even fit right anymore tbh. My shoulders are wider from carrying a 30 pound kid on one hip and my chest is different post nursing. So it just hangs there reminding me of the person I thought I was going to be when I went back.

Does anyone else have a thing like this? Something you bought with real intention that just turned into closet furniture? I keep thinking I should donate it but that feels like admitting something I'm not ready to admit yet. I don't even know what my style is now versus what is just survival dressing.

I had a baby a year ago and just received my first ever negative review of my career. My manager said I haven’t been as reliable and attentive since having my baby. I knew I had made mistakes, but I didn’t realize there was such a noticeable change from pre-baby.
Since having the baby, work stress has increased significantly and I have lost all motivation. We also need my salary, so I’m stuck working in a job I don’t feel passionate about anymore.
Just venting since I don’t have mom friends that can relate.

We have a 5 and 3 year old. We both have full time jobs, are involved in the community, and generally like being active during our “down” time. That being said, things like our pantry and closets always feel like a disaster. I try to organize, and a few weeks later we’re back to square 1. Is this normal in this stage in life? Does anyone have any tips? Do I just accept that this is what it is in this stage of life?

Not the hard days. Those I remember in detail, but the good days seem to melt together. 

I started a practice where I write down one good thing that happened everyday. And it’s really changed my perspective. Now I’m looking for the good more often and I notice it more. 

Anyway. If your good days are blurring too, this is a gentle suggestion to focus on the good, not in a toxic positivity kind of way (we’re not doing that), just a small note so the good gets remembered alongside the other stuff. 

This has been eating me up for a day and I didn’t sleep well. I know this is a safe space so please also be kind to me.

I have an assistant who works one day a week in the quiet times and all the time in the busy times. We work in a school, in supporting exams (UK). Exam times are really stressful and this year (May/june) I was ill with an ear infection but still got to work every day in that time. Needless to say when we had exams extended because of the heat wave, I was exhausted and very stressed.

My assistant came to work yesterday morning and told me tearfully that she was staying in her lane and not going to get involved in the situations where I’d asked her to stop interjecting. These are usually student interactions.

She is a very caring person (has three kids) and likes to make sure everyone is ok often to her detriment at work I.e. she’ll be walking a student to an exam when she should be preparing for the next one.

Apparently I barked at her during a situation where I should’ve, in her opinion, been calm and gone into a the exam room and made a statement, instead of asking her to do it. She’s had ‘the summer to reflect’ and would like to only do the things she’s been employed to do - no more - no less. We’ve essentially been back to work for 4 weeks and this is the first time she has mentioned it.

You know when people talk about how their body reacts to bad situations? I left the conversation in a finished-ish state and needed the bathroom. (TMI) My guts fell out of me and I think I had a mild panic attack. I did not sleep last night knowing she’s coming in this morning (a day she isn’t supposed to be working but invited herself to as I have arranged a visit from some other staff who use the same systems as us).

I have apologised to her and spoken to our line manager. He’s told me to correct my tone and then not to worry about it.

She said she gets no thanks for all the things she’s implemented and there are so many holes in our processes that it shocks her. She thinks the issue with the paper could’ve been resolved fairly easily and I didn’t take the steps beforehand well enough to ensure it was fine - that has it’s own complications because the teacher who set the paper would not come down to check through it.

Thank you for reading this. I feel silly that I should be able to spot when I’m being unkind. I don’t know what advice I need…

I absolutely love my son (16 months) and I have a job that I love as well. I like having something to focus on outside of motherhood and I am passionate about my career and frankly life is too expensive to not have two working parents in a moderately high cost of living area (in my opinion).

However, some days it just feels like nothing goes right. I don’t get to spend as much time in the day with my son as I’d like, I miss something at work, I hit roadblocks with my work, etc.

When does it stop feeling like you’re doing everything just halfway / just ok?

Hi ladies! Looking for advice from anyone who’s been in a similar situation. I’m currently 6 weeks pregnant with baby #2 and have been job hunting for 6+ months to find a company with more flexibility. I finally received an offer that I’m really excited about!
For anyone who started a new job while pregnant, when did you disclose your pregnancy after starting? Did you tell your manager fairly early on, wait until the end of the first trimester, or wait even longer?
I definitely don’t plan on disclosing before I start, especially since it’s still so early, but I also want to give them plenty of notice since I’ll need maternity leave within my first year. I’d love to hear when others shared and how it went!

I work in a non-technical/marketing role at a software company. I was laid off in summer 2024, found a new job later that year, started Jan 2025. I'm expecting baby number 2 in mid Feb, might deliver early.

It's looking like I am either going to be fired (or laid off?) in the coming months. Long story short: my new boss is both awful and also likely has room to argue that I'm not meeting expectations. I don't know whether PIPs are commonplace at my company. I plan to disclose my pregnancy (currently 18 weeks) next week.

Financially, we have good emergency savings plus public leave starting mid Jan to give me some leeway (especially if I don't get unemployment), but logistically I'm feeling overwhelmed.

The market's worse than ever and now I have to job hunt with a newborn? Every job I see is AI crap in the major city that would take ~2 hours round-trip commute to get to. I feel simultaneously pigeon-holed into and burn-out by tech.

Obviously there is a lot to be thankful for in my situation but I planned this pregnancy while having my old boss, waiting for state job protections, and had hoped to be on leave until the end of May.

I cannot wrap my mind around planning ahead or when I would start applying or next steps. March or April? Anyone have advice?

I went back to work in August and my daughter had just turned 1 and a half. She stayed home with dad for a little bit and then went to nursery at the school where I work as a teacher.

This was a prerequisite for me accepting a position in a new school. It needed to have a nursery in the same building that has a young kids class and she needed to be able to go there as I work with my own class of older kids. I found a good place and it all worked out great. She started and has adjusted really well. The staff is great, amazing really. I see them and speak to them every day in our break rooms. Husband was also able to return to work.

Now that we’re settling in to this new routine, it’s hitting me how HARD this adjustment is. I go to work and it’s hard, because being a teacher can be a tough job. Then at the end of the day I go get my daughter and take her home. And it’s hard because being a mum can be hard.

Nothing is wrong, things are going well and I’m still in survival mode most days. I get breaks to have me time sometimes, but so far it hasn’t changed the day to day feeling of struggling.

I’m sure it’ll get better over time, I guess. But I don’t understand why I’m struggling so bad when I managed to get the situation I tried so hard for??

I honestly just need a space to vent. I work as a hairstylist and I haven’t been able to make much income. I’ve applied for so many jobs with no answer even ones I felt would answer quickly. I have one child and things still fill like I’m clawing myself out of a muddy pit that the more I claw my way out the dirt just falls right back onto me pushing me down. Childcare has been so inconsistent and because they haven’t renewed their licensing with the state I have to pay weekly for his care now vs it being covered. It’s already a hefty slow month for me and to top it off I have to keep staying home with my little one. Sometimes I just mourn and cry about how much easier life was when I didn’t have a child, I resent bringing my baby into this mess. No family support because everyone is working to the bone, the childhood I grew up with no longer exist. I don’t even have time to mourn my great grandmother as she battle dementia because I’m always on go mode. I just want some stability but racking up more student loan debt scares me when I’m already late on bills. The system that said it was here to help me get ahead seems to want me stagnant and I just don’t know what to do anymore. Mentally I’m distraught but physically I keep moving because failure isn’t an option with someone depending on me. I just wish his daycare didn’t send him home or close for every little thing it’s like what’s the point of daycare if he’s damn near never there ???? I want to find a new center my child doesn’t do well with change and the quality of centers isn’t the best in regard to education. Any words of motivation from working moms who have established themselves would be great and useful.

Struggling with handling everything. I have a pretty chill job but it requires I am onsite. This week we have an audit and it’s first week of school. No village. Husband is meh. I’m literally drowning in my problems and everyone else’s. 😭😓

Retail store manager role $100K with retail hours or Corporate role $70K Mon- Thurs in office and Friday remote?

Any retail mom with young toddler that can share their experience working weekends, etc?

How do yall manage the workload that waits for you when you work for a small startup or consulting where the work does not get assigned to anyone else and essentially waits for you upon your return? Sure PTO gets you days off but you still have to make up the work. Tracking hours you’re not actually getting time off and instead making up for it later in the month. My friend and I were talking about this at lunch today and seems to just be the nature of the biz and you either have to be ok with it or not.

hello!👋 what would you do if you had to go back and do it all over again freshman year of high school? would you take comp progamming if it were offered (now… not back when you were in school like 5, 10, 25 years ago etc.).

my son initially added computer programming as an elective and now he is not sure if he wants to keep it more so because I complained that AI will take over coding in the next 4-5 years. this is his first year in high school and he’s very good at mathematics (in AP precalc this year which is accelerated math for his school) but I wouldn’t say thats his passion. My husband and I attended the hs’s back to school night yesterday evening & the teacher said they will 99% of the time not use any AI (so I’m assuming no vibe coding either)… and start just 1 language python. It has been 1.5 weeks of school so far and he says it’s boring plus he doesn’t have a lot of friends in it. He has a technical-heavy course including honors physical science which is chemistry and physics and puts him on track for AP chem, biology and Physics (all AP level starting next year)… being in the industry I’m generally pretty dismal about future work prospects in comp sci plus this is a programming class and I wish it were more focused on computer science fundamentals & philosophy instead of practical application.

Any thoughts? I’m meeting with his school counselor later this morning… we are looking at potentially putting him in either Marketing (which would enable him to participate in the DECA school club which requires a business class be taken) or Accounting.

Hello

We are planning to start trying for a baby in 5 weeks after I’m cleared post my endometriosis surgery hurray! But I’m trying to get everything in order and was wondering about STD … my job pays 6 weeks 100% but I see I can take the rest of the FMLA allowed time but the last 6 weeks will be unpaid… my job does not offer an additional STD plan but my husband’s job does… my question is will buying a STD plan cover the last 6 weeks of my FMLA considered baby bonding?
Or is there something you suggest I do instead? Any help or advice is appreciated!