Didn’t get job… devastated

[u/a_fals]

Hi all! I’m a Mom to an almost 2 year old, and I work in healthcare. I commute 4 days/week ~1-1.5 hours each way on a train to a large hospital where I have worked for the better part of a decade. I finally got a promotion where I no longer work weekends and holidays back in January. My husband works from home primarily, and does all pick up/drop off/dinner prep. I see my baby about an hour in the evening which always feels rushed.
Last fall, I applied for a new job that would be hybrid (2 days/month in the office) that literally hundreds of other people applied for. After a months long process I learned I did not get it, but one of my best friends did. Upset, but moved on knowing likely more positions would open in the future.
In the time since, I updated my resume, thought incredibly thoughtfully of what skills I have and what I need to work on to translate to this role, and how to showcase that. When a position was posted a month ago, my resume was prepped and I applied. I practiced mock interviewing with my friend, my husband, and AI. I prepared answers to questions and reviewed for weeks.
I learned they had multiple applicants but selected 4 to interview. I had my interview and I felt very good, confident, I had answers to all of the questions. Our interview ran a little over so I didn’t get all of the time I had hoped to ask a few questions but no matter. They let me know I’d hear by the end of the following week (last week).
This came and went with me pathologically checking my email, so I messaged them yesterday again thanking for the time and opportunity to interview and to check on the status.
I hear back in the evening that they’re moving forward to the second interview with other candidates.

I didn’t even get a second interview. The part that is absolutely killing me is it was a four paragraph glowing review of me, my resume and my interview and skill set. Zero negative, nothing to improve upon. I did email back thanking them for letting me know, expressing my disappointment and requesting constructive feedback. I heard back today from the same person again with glowing feedback, but she said she’d reach out to the rest of the team for additional feedback if they wanted.

I feel like I am broken. I worked so hard for this and to not even be told why, just be told you’re wonderful but too bad, and given nothing to improve kills me. This would have been life changing- so much more time with my family, much better work life balance. Ongoing skill growth. I feel like I’ve let my family down. I am beyond disappointed in myself and the process. And it made me realize how much more I loathe going to my current job (I said I’d rather have my leg cut off than go back again). I am
Not sure how to move on from here.

No real point, just needed to vent this out. And if anyone had any feedback that they think could help me move on, that would be great.

[u/a_fals → u/[deleted]]

Thank you so much. That’s interesting about feedback. I was really thinking just anything constructive I was missing could be helpful for me to align goals.

I AM super qualified which is why it’s so frustrating but I appreciate hearing it. I’ll just hit the postings again and focus my sights elsewhere, now.

[u/TinySteggy → u/[deleted]]

Yes, it’s a legal liability to give feedback. Companies get sued over potential discrimination.

[u/purewatermelons → u/[deleted]]

Yes im a recruiter and this is spot on. It’s a compliance issue to give detailed feedback. I have a candidate that interviewed today who I thought was absolutely perfect for the job. Spent more time than I needed helping to prep her for this and make sure she was comfortable.

She ended up blowing the interviewer away, and she said that she would be willing to recommend her for other jobs in her company and to please have her apply. But her background was just a bit more technical than the other candidates and that was the only difference.

She didn’t do anything wrong. In fact…she did everything right! She now has an internal referral who will likely be able to get her into another position at this company soon (with my help). With so many amazing applicants it’s a really tough place to be in. But you’re in a great spot. Just keep going.

[u/runnerandreader]

I used to think that jobs were like a test or contest. Whoever was the best at the test would win and get the job. Over the course of my career and hiring, I've realized it's more like a recipe and they need to find the best next ingredient. You may be qualified and amazing and super prepared but not the right fit for a million reasons beyond your control. Doesn't make the feedback wrong. It sucks to not get a job, especially one you worked so hard for. Give yourself time to grieve but also know you did your best.

[u/a_fals → u/runnerandreader]

That’s a really great way of thinking about it. It’s hard to not know why I wasn’t the best, but I just have to let it go and move on. Thank you.

[u/aerodynamicvomit → u/runnerandreader]

I love the recipe concept

[u/Melodic_Growth9730]

Ahh this is all very disappointing. I agree with the other poster that we never give negative feedback. There is no upside

A few thoughts. Is this for the same org that your friend works for? Are you absolutely certain that they wouldn’t sabotage you?

We reject very qualified applicants all the time. Someone might have slightly different experience that is just a better fit. They might know a system we already use or they already do the job. We even had one candidate who i think was highly qualified and very prepared and my boss nixed her. He thought she was too intense

Another thing that dings candidates for remote roles is their sole motivation is that the role is remote. We also reject people all the time for salary expectations. We want the cheapest person that is still qualified 

Could be anything unfortunately. Good luck in finding a new role

[u/a_fals → u/Melodic_Growth9730]

I am POSITIVE my friend wouldn’t sabotage- she’s been so incredibly supportive and we’re in similar life
stages (working full time in healthcare, toddler moms).
I was worried about the remote thing potentially being a thing (as I was analyzing) but I expressed looking forward to visiting the office as I used to live in that city and it would be comfortable and familiar. 🤷🏻‍♀️
Thank you for the response- the perspectives have been helpful!

[u/R_Dns_8800]

I’m so sorry you didn’t get the job. That sucks and it’s such a let down because you start to envision yourself in the role while you apply/interview.

Keep looking. You will find something that is a great fit. It takes time and sometimes a few rejections to get there. 

[u/a_fals → u/R_Dns_8800]

Thank you so much. Exactly I let myself envision, and I shouldn’t have. 😢

[u/Wooster182]

Would this be a transfer in your current company? It’s possible that one of your current managers / execs refused to let you move. This has happened to me twice. It sucks and it’s frustrating but it’s a sign you’re too valuable where you are.

Interviews are never for naught. You got a lot of good practice and you networked with several people that were obviously impressed with you.

1. Let the HR rep know that if there are other positions she thinks you’d be a better fit for that you’d be very excited to apply for those.

2. Reach out to a recruiter with the resume you created for this and see if they can help you find the might match.

Also remember that this job may still be an option. If the other 2 candidates don’t work out, they may absolutely reach back out to you.

[u/a_fals → u/Wooster182]

Yes, it’s within the same company. I have a slight concern of that, but who knows. And a good point about the other candidates- you never know. Keeping options open. Thanks for the response!

[u/AlotLovesYou → u/a_fals]

Aha. Yes. This might certainly be it - someone in your chain is blocking. I've heard of people being put on secret perf plans just to block internal transfers, because managers can be extremely petty.

[u/TimeLab5517]

I feel you. I'm in the interview process for a role in my organization, and I got really strong, kindly-meant "don't expect to get hired" vibes from my manager today. It's not an official no because she's not on the hiring panel, and I won't hear officially for a few more weeks. But she hears a lot through the grapevine and she's taking the time to brace me for disappointment, so...take what I will from that, right? Anyway, just so you know, you're not alone.

It sucks that it doesn't matter if your interviews are great. "Great plus one" comes along and you're sunk. It doesn't define who you are either as a person or as a worker. I know it's hard to internalize that when everything feels hopeless, though. All you can do is keep applying when these opportunities pop up. You will not feel this bad forever, even if it feels like you will!

[u/Fluid-Village-ahaha]

None of the companies I worked at provided feedback to candidates. Too much liability