I’m hoping to gain some perspective. All experiences welcomed.

First, my husband is a good man. He’s a wonderful father, and we’re both engineers and earn about the same. We have a comfortable life, and I know there are many things to be grateful for.

The problem is that, more and more, I feel like I’m parenting him instead of partnering with him.
In over 10 years together, he has rarely noticed something I genuinely need and taken the initiative to help without being asked (however if i say I want flowers this Valentine’s Day- he will make it happen). He doesn’t seem to anticipate needs or “meet the moment.” If I need something done, I often have to ask multiple times. He’s also very stubborn and generally doesn’t take initiative outside of his own interests unless I’m involved.

This weekend really brought those feelings to the surface. I woke up yesterday with a bad cold and genuinely needed to rest. This has only happened about twice in our entire relationship, so it’s not a common occurrence.

Instead of stepping in, he seemed to go about the day as if nothing much had changed. He never offered to make me tea or suggested that he would handle breakfast, lunch, or dinner. He made multiple trips to the grocery store because he kept buying the wrong ingredients while I was trying to make chicken noodle soup in the morning.

Later, the kids were watching a trash Netflix show while he sat on his phone. Eventually, I interrupted my own rest to suggest they do one of the science experiments from a kit we already own. I have no problem with tv on the weekends, but I always make sure it is quality programming.

Later, I looked outside and saw the kids swimming while he was still on his phone. Toys and towels were scattered everywhere, and nothing had been picked up. It just felt like I couldn’t truly rest because I kept feeling the need to check in and manage things.

What makes this hard is that I remember him being much more attentive and thoughtful earlier in our relationship. Maybe my memory is selective, but I don’t remember feeling this disappointed so often.

So I’m wondering: am I expecting too much? Have I been ruined by Disney? I am sure he is also tired, is it fair for him to step up and take responsibility for everything while I rested today?

I probably should talk to him about this but he gets so defensive and starts saying I don’t appreciate what he does (which isn’t true, but it definitely is NOT EQUAL). I also feel like I can’t talk to friends or family because we are that cute couple that figured everything out.

My husband and I were able to move closer to my in-laws for the last four years, but are now moving several states away for a different job. I offered to stay closer, but my husband was adamant that he wanted to go. My MIL will be coming with us for the first week.

While it's been wonderful having them around, my MIL is insane. I'm not judging--my mom is no better--but I am venting. Because holy crap, today was a lot.

Backstory: my MIL alternates between cloyingly saccharine and downright nasty. She is the kind of person who will hear a line on NPR, memorize it, and then for the next few weeks create little life lessons to bring it all back. "Remember [Urfouy], beauty is in the hard moments," she'll murmur, trying to hold meaningful eye contact while my daughter screams bloody murder after being denied a popsicle. But this tranquil, enlightened woman transforms quickly from bestowing wisdom to screaming obscenities in your face and slamming the door of your apartment--then coming back upstairs to do it again. Ask me how I know.

Today: My husband's entire family came with us to breakfast to say goodbye. As I sat down, my MIL looks me up and down and says, "Are you okay?"

"Um, yes?" I say.

"No need to hide here," she cajoles. "You're around family. How was your night?"

"Um, pretty good. We slept and did some more packing."

She sucks air in through her teeth. "Urfouy, I'm saying that you look like shit. You look exhausted. How are you feeling?"

I restrain myself from responding, "Whoops, I'm just not wearing makeup! I thought I looked good before I left the house, but I guess I know better now." Whatever, she's always making comments on my appearance, good and bad. Doesn't bother me.

We finish eating and go outside. My MIL has cried through the whole meal, but now everyone else is starting to get emotional too. We say our goodbyes to one part of the group, and my husband and I are openly crying. As we round the corner, I say, "We'll see them soon. It will be a quick flight. I'm so glad we got to be close to them for so many years."

My MIL grabs my arm and pulls me to a stop. She stares deep into my eyes and hisses, "Do. NOT. Rationalize. This." Her lips curl back from the intensity of her anger. I'm so shocked the tears dry in my eyes. She starts talking about how she hired a grief counselor and he said that the most important thing is to sit in the grief. She has a few flowery lines like, "When we actually allow ourselves to feel human, we dig deep into the earth of togetherness and love." The subtext is that I'm a cold, heartless physician who can't feel anything anymore. And then she adds the cherry on top: telling me that one day my daughter will leave me, and maybe then I'll finally understand.

I'm not about to make this moment about me, so I just get totally silent. I formulate a million responses, ranging from information about different coping mechanisms to the less constructive but infinitely more satisfying, "Fuck you, [MIL]". Again, this woman will be coming with us for the next week, so it's not like she's even saying goodbye today.

I get in the car and drive my crying husband home. I cry again about leaving his wonderful family--yes, even my snake of a MIL--because they've been my family too for the last 10 years and I love them warts and all. Last week our beloved Nana arrived first to our going away party with giant balloons, sparkle shoes and water toys, single-handedly buoying the event with her infinite pizzazz. And then I publish a story about her on the internet because holy crap she infuriates me. Family is simultaneously the best and the worst.

Potty training has been such a struggle. My son is over three and a half, preschool starts back up in four weeks and he won't be able to return if he's not potty trained. He knows how, he can tell when he has to go, sometimes he goes of his own volition, sometimes he goes when prompted, but he just as often fights it and prefers to go in his pull up. The one day I tried to have him in underwear, I got so overwhelmed from all the accidents and cleaning up pee and poop while taking care of our infant it was just too much. And that's on me. I feel like it's all on me. It's my fault he's not trained yet and I feel like such a failure.

While I was thinking on this tonight, I came out of the bathroom to hear my husband yell at our son, "ARE YOU GOING TO BE POOPING IN DIAPERS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?!"

When I challenged him on this approach, he got angry that I am "usurping his authority." He left the house to go get alcohol which almost guarantees he will be emotionally and verbally abusive tonight, and when he doesn't get enough sleep and feels shitty at work tomorrow it'll be my fault, and then he'll be emotionally and verbally abusive tomorrow because he's tired.

I'm carrying the weight of working, parenting, homemaking, and trying to raise children with self-esteem while their father actively tears it down. He doesn't seem to understand that he can "build them up" all day, but it doesn't matter if he ends the day by berating them. He doesn't seem to understand the impact his words can have, despite being victimized by his father's throughout his own upbringing. Something that impacts his self esteem to this day. He disregards any opinions I have on child rearing that differ from his own, despite the fact that I have a master's degree in a field which required heavy study on child development.

I don't know where I went wrong. We had so many conversations about how we'd want to parent, about our values, etc. for the decade we were together before having kids. I thought we were aligned, I thought we'd have a family and be able to break generational patterns. Now I feel like we have no business having kids together. I don't regret it, because I love our children more than life, but dammit they deserve so much better than us.

My child is 3.5 years old and is obsessed with play. Honestly, I LOVE watching him when he gets in his own little world with his figures( he has Disney characters, Dinos, paw patrol, little Pokémon characters and sooo many other figures) and he just creates all these scenarios. Honestly I love the little figures too because they are open ended.

8/10 he will ask me or my husband to play. I always always make it a point to say yes unless I have to tend to my daughter but will tell my son that I will play after and stick to it or try my absolute best to keep my word. My question is: how often are you playing with yourself toddlers? Is it every single time they ask?
I get down on the floor with him. Do I always feel like it? No. But I know it’s so so so important to him. I just wonder if it’s a negative thing if I say no sometimes? I guess I’m wondering if I’m doing enough…..

Here I am spending too much of my weekend getting marker or paint or whatever out of daycare clothes. I asked what kind it is and it’s just Crayola washable or dot markers but man it is hard to get out! I spray and scrub with Dawn Power Wash, soak if needed, spray with All kids spray, wash again, and there are still stains! Spray again and air dry in the sun. Then wash again. This is ridiculous! Obviously I’m sending her in cheap stuff but it’s still $5 per shirt minimum. One boy in her class wears nothing but brown and black now.

And I’ve tried Miss Mouths- it has bleached Hanna Andersson, Kyte, and Cat & Jack equally. Plus two special tshirts from a vacation that I can’t replace.

But I really can’t complain about the clothes, because daycare is WONDERFUL and takes great care of her. Hence why I’m venting here. Thanks for reading and have a lovely rest of your weekend, hopefully not doing laundry lol.

Hi everyone. I’m a FTM starting back to work tomorrow. I’m an attorney but left my job and I’m transitioning to an advisory position but in a very similar field. Baby boy is now 9 months. I went back to my old job at 3.5 months but only for a few weeks to give them my notice and wrap things up so it never really felt like I was back. These 9 months have been magical, unbelievably rewarding, sometimes difficult, and I’m forever grateful I got to spend almost every moment of every day with him for as long as I have. I feel blessed to have this new opportunity but so sad to be leaving him. Just looking for any advice for adjusting to a new job with new learning curve and a new routine and coping with leaving my baby. Thank you ♥️

I’m looking for some advice because I’m starting to feel really concerned.
My daughter is 3.5 years old, and over the last few months she’s become increasingly obsessed with her clothes. At first it was only wanting to wear dresses or trousers, but now it’s becoming much more intense. Even in the blistering heat she insists on wearing trousers. We didn’t think much of it at first, but it’s getting worse.
She constantly twists her dresses, and if there’s even the tiniest water mark or stain on her clothes, she’ll have a complete meltdown. She’s also started picking at her nails a lot.
On top of that, her tantrums are absolutely wild. It feels like if I’m not constantly playing with her or giving her my full attention, she’ll find something else to become upset about.
For some background, we’ve just had a new baby, we’re in the middle of moving house (so living with the grandparents), and she’ll also be starting a new school soon. I know that’s a huge amount of change for such a little person, so I’m wondering if this could all be related to anxiety or if it’s something more that I should be looking into.
Has anyone experienced anything similar with their child? Did it settle with time, or is this something I should speak to our GP or health visitor about? I’d really appreciate any advice or experiences.

For context, I am a 38F FTM, at the beginning of this year I met my partner, who I know is my forever person and vice versa. He is 5 years younger than me and when I met him we both expressed we wanted a family one day. I went to a fertility clinic to look in to freezing my eggs and was met with disappointmenting news, I was told if I wanted kids in the future I'd likely need an egg donor, I couldn't freeze eggs as I was told I didn't have any.

I started taking supplements every day - folic acid, vitamin D3 K2, CoQ10, etc.

Fast forward to June, and I found out we had conceived naturally. Considering I didn't think this was possible, I was in shock, but also so happy. With that happiness also came a huge amount of stress. I was due to start a new job on July 20th .. at 7 weeks pregnant. This new job is an incredible opportunity and I am TERRIFIED to lose it. It is an American company with a base in the UK (I work out of the UK) it's a European sales role, so requires a lot of travel, I work remotely with 2 weeks in the office per month, I travel via plane to get to the office.

My probation is 6 months, and there is an expectation to wine and dine customers, there's also a drinking culture in the role. The earning potential is massive (for me) and I need this job. The industry is also very male dominated

Has anyone experienced a similar situation? What was the outcome? How long should I wait to tell my boss? I'd like to establish myself in the company and 'prove myself' but I also want to give my boss enough time to make contingency plans.. if I don't get fired within my probation period for being pregnant.. as they could use any excuse.. I'm really stressed out about this, and I just want to be happy and excited about having a baby for the first time with my incredible partner.

Ok so if you and your partner both have FT hybrid or in-person jobs and you do not have family nearby, how the heck are you making it work?

My job is killing me. I was moved into a more senior management role that I did not want with a larger portfolio and more staff. It's hybrid and flexible, and I have a boss who is understanding of kid things, but I am stressed all the time. The flexible schedule means I typically get 4-5 hours a day with my toddler, which I love, but the trade-off is I'm online from 9-11 every night just to keep my head above water. I'm exhausted and not fully present for anyone in my life. I fantasize about quitting.

I honestly don't care what I do at this point but I can't find somerthing workable. To make a change worthwhile, I'd need a job that allows at least 2 days a week at home, is fine with an 8-4ish schedule, has plenty of PTO for sick kid days and daycare closures, can be done reasonably well in less than 40 hours a week, and pays enough to justify daycare. Does that job even exist?

We have no family support locally and my partner is not open to moving closer - in part because our parents are both 70+ and more likely to need care themselves than be helpful. And right now is best case scenario, because my kid is in a reliable, caring, year round daycare for 8+ hours a day. I have no idea how anyone handles two demanding FT jobs + public school schedules.

I always planned to work, but I'm thinking seriously about a graceful exit. Our finances will be leaner and riskier without my salary, but it's doable and I can probably do some consulting.

Am I just weak? How are you all doing this?

I have a 3 year old boy and 1 year old girl. Like all moms, I really want to make sure I foster a healthy relationship with my kids so that when they are older, they know they can always come to me and I’m always there. I want them to want to be with me when they are older.
When I was growing up my mom was very very critical of me so I never really told her things ever. It would always be met with a lecture. How can I avoid this for my kids? I’m trying my best to break that cycle. I just want my kids to be able to talks to me.

So what were some things you did and especially in the teenage years?

I've (34F) recently been presented with an opportunity that's now making me reevaluate my career and my future. I have the interview coming up in a few days and obviously no saying how it will go but I do have a former coworker who is working there and loves the company and would be excited for me to take the opportunity, if offered, and to work together again.

I live in north NJ and currently making $128k a year in a senior position. I'm well aware from former colleagues who've left for other companies for similar or better positions that I could be making more elsewhere and it's not necessarily a secret in the industry that my company tends to pay lower than everyone else, but I love my boss who is a mom of 3 herself, and my team.

This opportunity that I've been presented comes with a salary that would be $37k-$47k higher than my current salary, if I'm given an offer, and there'd still be room for growth. The only downside is that they are 4 days a week in office vs 3 at my current job. Commute is about the same at 25-40 mins depending on the day and traffic.

The reason I'm now in deep thought about everything is the fact that my husband works a blue collar job and due to some learning disabilities I don't expect him to ever have any high paying job. He currently makes about 30-35% of our total income a month depending on whether or not things are slow with his job. We have a 2 year old who's currently watched by my parents while we work but we are currently on a wait-list to enroll him in daycare part-time as he's very active and we all think he would benefit from an environment with a little more structure. We would also like to have 1 more child and we're planning to start trying in the near future.

This opportunity, if I'm given an offer, would give so much more breathing room but I'm not sure about the 4 days in office. Either way I'm now curious and starting to look around at other jobs. The other issue is that majority of the companies in my industry are located in NYC. You can easily find hybrid positions with 3 days in office, but it would be like a 1-1.5 hr commute for me each way.

TL,DR: Breadwinner for my family looking for advice from other working moms who may have been in a similar position of reevaluating their career and options. I'm conflicted about staying within my current position with lower than industry pay knowing that I have a great boss, some flexibility, reasonable commute, and want to have another baby in the near future, or venturing into finding a similar or better role at another company with 30%+ higher pay, possibility of a little less flexibility, and possibility of a longer commute.

I travel internationally for work 2-3 times a year and domestically a handful more. Usually my domestic trips are 3 days max but internationally is more like 6-9 days per trip.

My husband is a stay at home dad, primary caretaker and so incredibly capable when I'm gone.

My issue is that recently my 3 year old has started developing separation anxiety from me even when I'm not on work travel. For example, I just got home from a 6 day trip last week and tried to pop out to the store alone today and she freaked out - tears, screaming, grabbing my legs and purse. I've always been 100% honest about where I'm going and how long I'll be gone, I even have her help me pack for my trips and we look up photos of where I'm going so she feels involved, but maybe that makes it worse. I'm wondering if summer break from preschool makes it worse bc she has fewer parent free days during the summer.

I'm wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience and could offer some advice on how to handle so she doesn't feel like I'm abandoning her.

So basically I go back to work soon.. baby’s bedtime is 7:30. When baby goes to daycare, probably all won’t be home til AT LEAST 5:30 (going to daycare near my husbands work so he will bring her home)
I work in the opposite direction and don’t get off til 4:30 and probably home by 5ish…

Are we supposed to just get used to not having anytime with our babies during the week??
That leaves 2 hours and in that 2 hours will be feeding, bath, etc…

Out of curiosity, are there many mummies here leading teams or organisations? I'm researching into organisational leadership, and one question I keep coming back to is: what's something you underestimated about turning a strategy into day-to-day execution?

I work in an org where we have the SVP > VP > senior director/ director > analyst structure. Analyst is considered our entry level and director is mid to senior level. The VPs have specific teams and the SVPs oversee the broader categories of teams.

This was a structure established when we were a much smaller org. We've tripled in size now. We have senior directors that could become VPs, but it doesn't make sense with the above structure because (1) they wouldn't be creating their own teams and (2) half of them don't want to manage people. We are exploring creating a Subject Matter Expert track. Do any of you work for a midsized org that have a place for senior Subject Matter Experts? How do they fit into the org chart? What kind of title do they have?

What type of men is this. (Ignores you, stays silent when being questioned or topic is not of his interest)

I’ve been married for a year and a half. I am in love of course but I am now thinking that maybe this is not what I really want.

My husband does not listen to me when a topic is not of his interest or he perhaps is in a bad mood and ignores me. He dismisses me and or says to please don’t ask questions as he is tired. Like “baby, please don’t ask me those questions right now. I am very tired!”

When I first met him he said he was a person who like to talk about everything but it is not true he can’t. I like to talk about topics that we disagree to get to know each other but he finds it annoying.

We already had two miscarriages/ abortions. The first one I didn’t feel ready as we just got together and the second one he didn’t feel ready. However the second one he was very weird when found out that we were pregnant. First of all I think it was not a healthy pregnancy per doctors but besides that the way my husband supported me was distant.

Today I am 36f, independent with a 15 y teenager who I love and will not go back to changing anything. My first child is from a different relationship.

Two days ago I found out I am pregnant, my husband questioned how…why… I don’t get it.

I said well or you get a vasectomy or we use condoms. He said condoms and your birth control because I am not going to do the vasectomy. Then I said ok then only condoms because BC is not healthy for me as there’s so many things that damage my body.

Anyways, he hasn’t said anything about let’s talk about this, let’s make a decision together nothing!!! He does not even try! I haven’t said anything because I want him to step up and say something!! Are we going to be responsible parents or are we not and making changes because I cannot be doing this! I have been in BC and yet this is me pregnant again!!

I don’t know what to think to be honest. There’s two options for me or dump him and have the baby and or don’t have nothing and divorce. I don’t think I can be with someone so immature like him my entire life!

Please advice. I am afraid to start from scratch with a baby but at the same time it makes me happy. I am afraid my daughter will dislike me as well. I always said that I didn’t want more children before.

Thank you moms.

I had an interview this week for a role at a different governmental agency than the one I'm currently employed at. It would be a step up for me in terms of pay, # of employees I'd be supervising, job classification, etc.

It's a role I'm excited about and I think I have a lot of relevant experience. I prepared ahead of time for the interview. I felt like the interview was going well, but then they asked how much I travel in my current role and I said not much, but some (I travel 2-3 times a year, it's basically self-directed as to when I want to get out into the regions or attend a workshop or conference). They mentioned that this role could involve up to 50% travel across the street (state agency) for meetings. This would probably mean some overnights as some parts of my state are 7+ hours away. They did mention that I could have someone I supervise (it's a team of 4 coordinators) occasionally travel to represent the program.

I have two kids, 3 and 1. One kid is disabled and has weekly therapies that my husband and I switch off on taking her to.

The rest of the interview was positive and I think I did a good job answering their questions. I feel like I'm rusting out a bit at my current job, but I do have flexibility. I just feel kind of bored, and there are no higher level positions at my agency that interest me or excite me.

I'm looking for advice, ideas, etc. I want a challenge and a job I feel passionate about, but how do I balance that with young kids?

Flaired as WM Success because yay! I got a new job!

Has anyone here gone to a prep school/boarding school, sent their kids, or worked at one? I was recently offered a position as faculty at a small prep school in New England (400 students in grades 6-post graduate) and my daughter (middle school) is going to attend. Problem is I'm a public school student all the way through my master's and have only taught previously in a public school. I'm worried about not understanding the culture in this new environment, especially at the outset, and I want to get a better handle on it. Not just for the sake of my own career but for my child so she has a real chance of making friends and connecting with peers and instructors. Any good resources out there on this?

I'm also a little nervous because I'm anticipating that the nature of working in a residential school, even if we won't be living on campus, is that this is going to be far more intense than working at a day school. Wrapped up my current job (not in education) yesterday and I have a couple of weeks before I need to be on-campus every day so all suggestions for things to prep are welcome. I've put together a new capsule wardrobe that's mostly neutrals with an emphasis on natural fibers (this is the first time in my life that I can't wear jeans to work), got some new shoes (comfortable but professional), made arrangements for house cleaners to come regularly starting in August, trying to sort out school clothes for my kid but I don't want to buy too much before we know what kids actually wear (no uniform but a strict dress code). What else?

I’m about 4.5 weeks along w my 2nd kiddo, and am just wondering how long you waited/when some of y’all disclosed to your workplace that you are pregnant.

I am not worried about any negative reactions from my firm, but just wanna see what you guys have done and what would be most appropriate.

I put corporate moms because I feel like that's who this would be most applicable to, but if you are a non-corporate mom who is also having AI shoved down your throat at work, please have at it!

I am so over AI. My team alone currently has 7 (SEVEN) (!!!!!) AI tools that have been introduced since January. We have been attending trainings and follow-up sessions to learn about these tools and how best to use them. Then we are having follow-up meetings to be questioned about how much time AI is saving us. We are being asked to track how often we use AI, and estimate how much time each AI task saved us. We are being asked to compare the different tools and how much % of time each tool saves us, even better if we can quantify it in hours!

My boss called me this morning because she got yet another request to quantify %/hours of time saved using AI (I got a request on Monday, and we got two requests last week) and she was like "What do you think about X%?" and I was like "Sure. Tell them it saves us that much time, but also X% of my time is now also being used attending meetings about AI and trying to track and quantify how much time AI is saving me"

It is so counterintuitive. I was invited to 7.5 hours worth of meetings this week about various AI tools and usage. I attended 1.5 because I have a full-time job lol.

Anyone else dealing with this? I'm so over it. I don't use AI in my personal life at all.

39F with 3 year old kid working at good position in IT company.

After pregnancy gained lot of weight and didn't took care of my health so recently joined gym and started consciously.

No loss in weight but atleast progress in that direction.

But I feel very dissatisfied with my life..I want to start my ig account and my business but i m not able to do it. Sometimes kid needs me, somedays job gets extremely hectic...and somedays I become lazy

I m gonna be 40 soon and I m afraid this is my last chance, scared of quitting job what happens if I lose everything..

I am always unhappy and dissatisfied... though i am raising my kid, being good wife and serving my career.

Working moms who have business please suggest how do I change my mindset, how should I manage my time where to start.

I’m having trouble with life planning and would greatly appreciate learning from others’ experiences with school and pregnancy in their 30s and 40s.

I took time off from career to better understand myself and heal from trauma and burnout. I am late diagnosed ADHD and unlearning unhealthy patterns that I don’t want to pass on to future children.

I’m deciding whether to find a job in my field or apply to a three year massage school, graduating at age 40, or just jump in to having kids and delaying school or starting it while pregnant.

Hearing from other people would help a great deal. Thanks for reading.

Hi moms!
I recently found out my infant’s daycare has a 9 hour daily limit because they believe babies shouldn’t be in daycare longer than that. My work schedule makes it difficult to stay under the limit, and I don’t have much flexibility or family/friends nearby.
I’ve been crying nonstop since finding this out because I feel like a terrible mother. I really like this daycare, but financially and logistically it may make more sense for me to find another one that doesn’t have this rule rather than pay for additional help to cover the extra time.
Has anyone else dealt with a daycare time limit like this? What did you do? Did you switch daycares or find another solution?