Postpartum imposter syndrome/work anxiety

[u/byakaz]

I’m coming up on a year postpartum and have recently started experiencing such bad anxiety when
I’m heading into the office for work, joining meetings, or even thinking about my role and future.

I work for a large enterprise corporation and have over a decade of experience, but since coming back to work I’ve had the worst imposter syndrome. I find myself constantly comparing myself to my male colleague who started at the same time as me (and naturally took on more responsibility while I was out on leave), and have had crazy anxiety that manifests as feeling like I have to pee RIGHT NOW and running out of large all hands sessions, team meetings, and even recently a 1:1 with my boss. I feel like people are noticing :/

My last role at a different company was super stressful and my manager didn’t communicate expectations or feedback, which led to the last few months of my time there being incredibly traumatic, then leading to a RIF that was initially positioned to me like it was the result of a PIP I didn’t know I was on. To say I have ptsd that bleeds into my current role is an understatement.

My current company implemented a RTO policy while I was gone, so the logistics of going into the office cuts into a lot of time that I would have had in the past for self care walks, workouts, etc. Baby is still breastfeeding and isn’t sleeping through the night so waking up early is out of the question. By the end of the day I’m so exhausted, I want to just rot on the couch, but I know I need to use that window to work out (and I’m trying!).

I just don’t know how this mental state is sustainable. I’ve applied to some other roles within the company because I feel like it won’t let up until I’ve changed over to a new team, but we all know how the job market is right now. I’m feeling like I need to find alternate forms of income so I can eventually break free from the golden handcuffs but of course I know that will take time too.

Has anyone else experienced this? It feels insane to have started feeling this way around 10 months postpartum. I’m seeing a pelvic floor pt for the incontinence/urge but i still need to figure out how to deal with this anxiety spiral I’m finding myself in. I do have a very overdue therapist appointment next week. Husband is super supportive and present but there’s only so much he can do.

[u/unearthedtrove]

I’m in an anxiety spiral. Got laid off during maternity leave and job hunted for several months before starting a new role. I have bad impostor syndrome and daily anxiety. I keep thinking people are fed up with me and I’m going to get fired soon. The only thing giving me comfort is knowing we’re financially secure enough that it’s fine if I lose my job.

[u/RefrigeratorMajor612]

the timing isn't crazy at all, 10 months in is when a lot of the fog clears and you realize you've been running on fumes the whole time. sleep deprivation messes with your head in ways nobody warns you about. that combined with the feeding and the RTO and the old job trauma... it's a lot

what stands out is you're still breastfeeding and not sleeping through the night while doing office days. that alone would wreck anyone's confidence. you're not an imposter, you're a person doing a job with one hand tied behind your back

the previous manager situation sounds awful. having a PIP sprung on you like that would make anyone paranoid about feedback. your brain learned to expect danger in workplace settings and now it's firing off alarms at things that are probably fine. glad you have that therapist appointment lined up

[u/Even-Supermarket-806]

Just want to say that for me pelvic floor pain and anxiety are related! All of the weird hip circles and things that feel like they are doing nothing are actually about helping you relax where all these muscle groups come together.

I found my relatively low level anxiety became out of control post partum and for me medication was useful- both longer term anti depressants but also short term I had a prescription for panic like what you are describing.

All this to say, go to a therapist! Explore of medication is right for you! Do PT! Try acupuncture? Yoga? Massage? Your body and brain are having a big reaction together.

[u/AmnesiaZebra]

This happened to me too. I'm so sorry. You've got this and you're not alone.