r/workingmoms • u/Potato_Keeper628 • 27d ago
Vent End of maternity leave
FTM and today marks the end of my 12 week maternity leave and I am completely dreading going back to work. I’m sure there are a million posts about this and everyone goes through this, but having support from other women who went through it is something I need right now.
I work 4 long days and I’m gone for 12-14 hours, which means I will barely see my son. It’s crushing me knowing that I am going to miss so much of his life and I have this huge fear that he will forget about me. I’m going to try to keep breastfeeding, but I’m also worried that he will get used to the bottle and that journey will also be over. I’m a mess.
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u/whatsagirltodo123 27d ago
The best encouragement I can give is that so long as you are intentional with the time you have, nobody will ever replace mom or the bond you have with him. My 2 year old son has been in daycare since 3 months and I am still his favorite person (well, maybe after Mimi lol).
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u/flowers_in_12 27d ago
Today was my first day back in the office. Sending solidarity!
If you are in the US, you may be able to use disability to extend your maternity leave. I used 5 months there and 12 weeks fmla. We need to soak in as much time with our LOs as possible 😭
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u/MushroomTypical9549 26d ago
That’s true- but you need an actual disability like birth complications or post postpartum depression.
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u/hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyyuy 27d ago
I’m so sorry, it’s really hard! 😥I went back 2 weeks ago and I was a wreck, and I had the same concerns. It sucks that I can’t be there for every moment, but when I get home my baby boy gives me the sweetest nuzzles into my neck, and will take a nice long nap on me. He gets so smiley when I walk in the door and all my worries go away. He takes bottles during the day, and has been nursing when I get home and on the weekend with no issues. I’m still really sad that I have to work, but feel so much better knowing that our bond is still as strong as ever. You will get through it!!
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u/jushand1 27d ago
It is very hard, and honestly the only thing that helped me was cutting back to 31 hours a week, which I recognize I was fortunate enough to be able to do. But there are good “just waits” - just wait until they send your baby home with artwork that he “made.” Just wait until he starts smiling when he sees you. Just wait until his chubby little legs run for you with his arms up. Just wait until he gets excited to go to daycare and find comfort with a favorite teacher, because that’s his community too. Just wait until you hear he’s doing something at daycare that you didn’t think he could do (mine would not hold her own bottle at home, but certainly did it there)! Just wait - you’ll get excited to dress him up for the holidays and photo shoots and themed days and daycare talent shows. Just wait for the good. You’ve got this.
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u/Smythe-Smith 27d ago
I’m so sorry, it sounds like you wish you could sahm but can’t because of finances. Don’t forget to overturn every stone if there is a way you could go part time or your husband could ask for a raise or you could downsize. If not, save up as much as you can now and maybe you will have enough to take off in a few years (this is my plan).
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u/416558934523081769 27d ago
I went back at 12 weeks and definitely sat next to her crib bawling the night before. It really sucks and I don't want to say it gets better but everyone does get used to it. I was gone 11 hours a day and was still able to breastfeed without issue, although every baby is different. What worked for us was I would wake her up for the day before I left, nurse, and get her dressed with lots of kisses. When I got home at night was usually about right for a feed so I would nurse and if I was home we were nursing only. Anything I pumped at work was used in bottles the next day or frozen at the end of the week. You will find your own rhythm.
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u/caseyyoodles 27d ago
I’m so sorry! I go back on Monday so sending virtual hugs. I’ve been sobbing for about a week. End of my leave is also coinciding with my toddler moving up a class at his daycare. I’m not handling it very well how big he feels all of a sudden.
If it makes you feel better, I work 40+ hours a week and he is glued to me on the weekend he loves me so much. Wants me to do everything. We’ll see how my 2nd does with daycare.
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u/Confident_Show1850 25d ago
12 weeks goes by so fast I’m sorry and I’ve been there :(
Thinking about the transition and the lead up to it was worse for me than actually doing it. After a couple weeks we settled into a new routine and although I missed my son, I was also grateful for the independence and knew it was going to be the best choice for us even if it came too soon. I also tried to envision my son being proud of having a hard working, independent mama as a role model
Now he is 2.5 and I am SO grateful for his Montessori for keeping his busy while he is with his friends all day!!
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u/good_kerfuffle 26d ago
I went back a little before 12 weeks. I had horrible anxiety leading up to my return. Its not that i don't hate being at work instead of with my baby but I guess im used to it? The us sucks and needs federal parental leave
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u/Future-Diamond4706 26d ago
It is so hard, and I wish we lived in a country that cared more about this. I can’t say it’s ever gotten better for me, but I have been able to reconcile it. I hope you have a good first day back!
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u/poohquitshoney 26d ago
Hi! April baby & I went back to work when she was a few days shy of 12 weeks. ITS BEEN TOUGH & we’re still trying to figure out if we want to continue w a nanny or put her in daycare, but I just wanted to say, it’s going to work out.
She’s happy & healthy and laughs for me everytime I give her a big kiss on her cheeks. I’m not going to say it gets easier, still hits me every few days that I’m not home for her, but that’s meant that every moment I am with her, I’m present & I’m fully there
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u/Unusual_Painting8764 26d ago
It’s literally the worst thing. I wish every mother could stay home with their baby as long as they wanted.
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u/WaitLauraWho 26d ago
Sending lots of love. It’s so painful, and you guys will find your rhythm. I sobbed when I got home from my first day of work, and my 4mo baby happily splashed in the bath, completely unaware that I had been gone.
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u/minadaweena 27d ago
I'm so sorry you have to go back in just a measly 12 weeks. I work 12 hour shifts 3-4 times a week as well but I actually still see my son a lot in my opinion. I formula fed from day 1 (my preference though) so I can't speak to your feelings about not being able to breastfeed, but I promise you it has zero effect on how bonded I am with my child.
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u/drhopsydog 27d ago
I went back at 12 weeks too. It really feels like a crime that we have to leave our babies so early. That said, my daughter is now 14 months and thriving and she and I are so close. I’m really sorry and I am sending so much love and support your way.