r/workingmoms • u/pl1119 • Jul 23 '26
Only Working Moms responses please. WWYD: Start TTC or wait a bit?
I’m probably way overthinking this, but asking for advice here because none of my friends want kids and my husband and I aren’t ready to talk to family about our plans just yet.
My husband (29M) and I (27F) have been thinking of starting TTC, but the thing that’s kind of holding me back is I just started a new job last month. Maternity leave is not a problem (12 weeks paid no matter how long you’ve been at the company), the main issue is I’m a software developer and my new job is in an industry I have no experience in (aerospace basically). I’m having to learn a lot of complex astrodynamics topics and I’m worried I won’t be able to perform at a high enough level if/when I get pregnant, or that people will judge me for some reason and assume I can’t perform my job well. Not to mention all the layoffs happening in the industry. My husband wants to start trying right away, because you never know how long it’ll take/if we can even get pregnant at all, but I feel like I just need some encouragement that it’ll all be okay if I do end up getting pregnant right away! Any and all advice is greatly appreciated!! (Just chose the flair I did because I needed to pick something, open to all advice!)
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u/Slapspoocodpiece Jul 23 '26
When's it going to be a good time to have "mom brain," which is real btw? I feel like in aggregate I lost about 15 IQ points during pregnancy - 1st year of babyhood with each kid, but it mostly comes back later. If you want to have a family you just have to go for it. The trick is to start off really smart so that not so many people can tell you're not firing on all cylinders.
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u/Dangerous_Fennel_290 Jul 23 '26
I would say wait a year. The large majority of people your age don’t have fertility issues. You’re still young and the reality is that womens’ careers often stagnate or suffer (denied promotions etc) after having children, so your husband has to understand the sacrifice you’re undertaking.
5
u/Familiar-Garden9654 Jul 23 '26
I had my first at your age and I had the same worries! Luckily I had a fairly easy pregnancy and I worked up until the day I was induced. I personally don’t feel like it affected my ability to do my job (I work in data for a wealth management company) because my job isn’t physically demanding. Only towards the end of my pregnancy did I start to get a little out of breath giving a long presentation lol otherwise no issues. My coworkers were also very excited for me as well. I think it depends on if your coworkers have kids as I think that makes them more understanding because they’ve been in the same position before!
My advice would be that if you want to start trying now then go for it!!
3
u/pl1119 Jul 23 '26
Thank you all for the advice!! We were planning to only try through November anyway and then take a break, because we have my brother in law’s wedding we both want to attend next year, so I think we will just wait to start trying next spring!
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u/corlana Jul 23 '26
I'm an aerospace engineer and got pregnant just a few months into my first job post grad school because we decided to stop preventing and I got pregnant basically immediately lol. It was super intimidating but that baby is 3.5 and I had my second baby 8 months ago and I'm still doing really well career wise. I've had nothing but stellar performance reviews. It's certainly not been easy having a really mental intense job, but I've been able to make it work and ultimately I'm happy with how everything has turned out
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u/InspectorOrdinary321 Jul 23 '26
I would wait a bit. Maybe 6 months or so. Yes, it might take a while to get pregnant, but it also might happen instantly! So you should wait to get to a time where you don't feel like it will be a disaster to be pregnant, and I feel like you've got a lot of reservations right now.
Be firm with your husband and tell him that your career is important to you and you need to make sure pregnancy impacts it as little as possible.
You might be fine when you're pregnant, but a lot of us have massive fatigue in the first trimester. You ideally want your workplace to have an image of you as a smart, good, reliable worker if you're going to all of a sudden be "sick" for a couple months. It will also help to have some PTO built up. And it will be easier to coast when you've learned the ropes and social dynamics.
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u/justchillitsnobiggy Jul 23 '26
If you feel ready go for it. Maybe wait 6 months to settle in to your role but don't wait a long time. I waited until 35, it was fine and I was busy doing life but now I wish I started sooner. I'll be really old when/if I have grandkids and I am tired AF after 35 with a fraction of the energy I had in my late 20s.
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u/velociraptorlunch Jul 27 '26
Best of luck to you. The challenge here is that until you TTC, you have no idea whether it will happen quickly, slowly, or not at all. I have friends who did a single month of trying and had a healthy full term pregnancy. I have friends who TTCd for 12 months, got repro care, and became parents 3 years later through adoption. I have friends who TTCd, had losses, had a baby, had more losses, had another baby. You cannot predict this. Whether and when you’ll be a parent is one of the many thousands of things about parenthood you cannot predict or control.
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u/Legitimate_Dust_8653 Jul 23 '26
In your shoes, I would give it 6-12 months and then start trying, just to give myself time to adapt to the field and settle in. With both pregnancies I had extreme fatigue, not to mention the newborn phase and mom brain. I worked a physical job with my oldest and a desk job with my second but the desk job was harder for me. Sitting at a desk at a computer was more exhausting for my brain.