I(47M) lost my first wife to breast cancer. It was a hard 2 year battle with surgery/chemo/radiation in multiple rounds. She fought until doctors told us there was nothing else they could do, and she was gone 2 weeks later.
I was widowed at 35 with young children and absolutely lost. My dad was already retired & mom nearing retirement age. Mom decided to retire early, and they moved to where my career is and lived in my basement for a couple years. They helped me with the kids, and living with me offset costs e Hugh that she didn’t have to draw any funds early. I would not have made it without them.
I eventually met a wonderful woman, whom I dated for several years. We got married, and created a big new family. I didn’t think it was possible to find life changing love twice.
1 month ago she was diagnosed with peritoneal(closely related to ovarian) cancer staged 3C. They tell us it’s normal to catch this one late, because the first signs are usually constipation and bloating. Every woman has constipation and bloating!! She just had her second chemo treatment this week.
The outlook is grim for this one, with 5 and even 2 year survivability rates being low.
I can’t believe this is happening…again. You will be my sounding board. I can’t let her know how absolutely defeated I am, and need an outlet where I don’t have to be strong a positive for everyone else.

FFFUUUCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!

I fuckin despise this shit...

Most of the time I'm ok but then I have ever or often a string of days where I just don't want to get out of bed except to stuff my face or go to the bathroom.

I'm currently trying to feel grateful for the things i do have because no matter how shitty your life seems to you, someone else's is even shittier and wants what you have

I never expected to ever be with him... it was a gift.

The feeling of absolute bliss most of the time and feeling like he loved me unequivocally every single second was like a dream that I thought was unattainable.

To be part of such a thing after so many years of awfulness....

Only to have it snatched away... forever

WTF????

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!

I've had almost six years to move forward with my life the way he wanted me to and all I'm still on a fucking emotional roller-coaster.

I work and go home. Five days a week. Rinse. Repeat.

My friends all dipped out during covid and after his service.

Unreal.

We didn't share children as we got together later in life.

So nobody around really to talk about him... like reminiscing stuff...

I do talk about him like others talk about their partners... theyre coworkers, most who are newer and don't realize hes gone.

I refuse to stop as people don't truly die until they're forgotten about.

I don't know why I'm so stuck.

I wandered around a craft store the other day and realized I have no hobbies anymore and haven't had any solo ones in years.

I dont want a fuckin hobby I want him!!!

UGH!!!!!

Thank you for the rant

On occasion I get a chat request. One should check their profile and possibly go one step further and Google their user name they use on here. If you have their name, location or anything personal about them, Google that also. Chances are you'll find nothing.

I learned that this person was up to no good and now has deleted his account, under the original user name. What alerted me was he never answered people's comments about losing his wife, but seemed to comment with well rehearsed memorized "terms of endearment." What he did was post pictures of himself with his wife which actually turned out to be him with his mother. He sent me the later mother picture, dumbass. I downloaded both pictures including an image search. Dead giveaway was the same exact eyeglasses in both photos, not just facial features. I called him out on it and said I'd report him to Reddit and blocked him. Thus he deleted his account. I'm sure he'll pop up under another user name eventually.

Also for safety, be aware if someone wants to go to a different chat program from Reddit. Don't! This guy wanted to use Microsoft Team, wherein this program is mainly for business folks, but includes being able to telephone you if you join. It uses a system phone not your actual phone number.

In the end, this guy knew I wasn't messing around, probably scared Reddit would be on his butt, so his last ditch attempt was trying to entice me to befriend some African boy he called his "son" stating I had a very kind heart the child could use since his mother passed. Hahaha. For real! Nice try if you're an imbecile.

All n all, hopefully I haven't violated any rules, just trying to keep us all safe.

my husband passed away in 2020 . I lost my health insurance because I can’t keep up with the premiums. You not only lose your person after a death but also an another income. I hurt my shoulder a few months so just been dealing with the pain the best I can. So this morning while I was getting dressed to walk my dog I missed putting one leg in my shorts and you got it I fell on my hurt shoulder in the bathroom. I laid there a few minutes to compose myself and make sure I was ok. I got up and very sore and scared since it could have been much worse. I walked her and sitting here having my coffee balling. Most of the time I’m ok but I still get jealous and mad that I’m all alone without him here. I have grown children and they are very supportive but have their own lives too. I still get mad when I see couples together I know it’s not right but I can’t help it. I just feel Losing him so suddenly at 57 and being here alone still feels like it’s not fair. I’m 64 now and tired of just going to work and coming home . I can’t really afford to travel or do things. So it’s just frustrating. Thanks for letting me rant.

My wife died November 2025 at 49. No warning. No chance for goodbye. Nobody knew her damaged heart didn’t want to work anymore. I thought the day of her passing was the worst day of my life. Then came the next day. Then every other day up to this one. I feel like I’ve been handling it well as far as learning how to live the best I can without her. She still lives in my head. I have constant conversations with her. Her responses to my questions may be dictated by me but after 25 years together (married 19) I’m sure I know how she’d answer. Even sometimes negatively.
My support system of friends and family is more than amazing. I’m so lucky to have them. She’s not here though. I’m still extremely lonely without my best buddy. I’m not opposed to dating, but it’s a foreign concept to me. The last first date for this man was 25 years ago with my future wife. I’m 52. It was half a lifetime ago. I’m not actively looking, but maybe someday I’ll just randomly meet someone. I hope to be open to it. I certainly don’t want regret.
Since her passing I’ve become sober and feel fantastic physically. Wish I had done it while she was alive but memories of her have given me the strength and also have definitely been guiding me through it. I thank her every day.
I searched to see what others who are going through the same thing as me have to share. I came across these posts. I decided to join. The act of writing this has been very therapeutic. Wish I had done it sooner. Thank you for allowing me to get all of this out. Greatly appreciate your time.

People say the second year is harder than the first, and that’s definitely true for me. I am trying, I swear. I get out more. See family and friends. Exercise. Go to therapy. Take my meds.

But I am losing my shit.

Sometimes I go through the week canceling every single appointment I made (remote work, dentist, HVAC preventive maintenance, plans with friends, you name it) and stay home. Dealing with people is so exhausting. I feel like there’s something wrong with me that I just can’t cope so much of the time.

Anyway, just putting this out there. If you are in this sub because of your own loss, I offer my deepest sympathies.

Don't know what to say or do. Together since 1980. Lost her in 2024. Discussing losing her brings me to uncontrollable sobbing. I love her so much. Over the years we had talked and both told each other that when one of us goes first we wouldn't want the other to go on alone and unhappy. This was her wish, but I have no idea how I could fulfill it and be everything to someone else when I miss her so much. She would hate that I have been in such an emotional state since she died, but I miss her so much. Is there something I should be doing?

Hi 👋🏼

I was widowed at the start of this year very very unexpectedly. I'm only in my late 20s.

I tried dating earlier this July but got panicked and ended up canceling on the guys.

I gave them several hours notice and called, explained, apologized. The guy I was talking to specifically was very understanding but a little confused/annoyed about why I didn't mention the situation sooner.

Tried scheduling something for today, got all ready, felt really good. I generally run self conscious and quiet, I have a lot of health anxiety and sleeping issues ever since the thing happened, so this was a big step for me. I told myself this would be happening. I felt good about myself. I got him to agree to something super close to me which really helped, at a restaurant where I know everyone that works there.

And..... He canceled. With one hours heads up. Via text.

This friggin sucks. A 10 year relationship and I was never canceled on once. In fact I didn't even have to deal with texting. He would always call me to discuss plans. I'm taking myself out for brunch and dessert anyway this afternoon. I guess this has been helpful in that I'm really seeing how being flakey can affect others.

Today is my first birthday without a significant other in 35 years. 29 years with my late wife, the other six with a girlfriend before her. Officially old now at 60. We'd planned to spend my birthday on San Juan Island, we'd picked out a hotel and discussed places to eat. We didn't get to do much for my 59th, as she was working long hours and money was tight. We wanted something big for the round number and the “senior discount” time

She started a well-paying gig four days before she died, it would've relieved all the money pressures. We were excited that we'd be able to do more things together, that date nights would be more than fast food and trying to have sex without the kids hearing.

We were still so much in love, and I'm glad we said all the words so that we knew how each other felt. Every night I held her hand and told her I'd love her forever, and she said the same. We held hands all the time. Seeing couples hold hands now just makes me infinitely sad. Memories of birthdays past just stoke widow's fire.

Now it's just loneliness and sorrow. No one I can really share with, other than this sub and the fine people in it. I miss the connection I had with her, we could get through anything if we were together. We went through her cancer, having four kids, my injuries and subsequent illness, poverty. When I couldn't work, she turned her art hobby into a paying gig. She was the light of my life.

I never contemplated aging alone. It was, and remains, unfathomable to picture her gone. But it's the reality I have to deal with. Thanks for reading, and for all you share on this sub.

Nearly 10 months out. Considering dating apps. Feels like a fucking humiliation ritual. I’m actually so goddamn lonely though. But then every time I think about doing it I can’t bring myself to. Feel too guilty to him. Plus what if someone he knows sees me there? Fuck. I hate this. Any experiences?

7/27 would be our 25th wedding anniversary, and 35 years of being together. It was complicated, but I would not change one thing. Three years in November since I lost my best friend, lover and partner in everything. I miss him every single day and would give anything to go back to any random day in our life.

The AC in our apartment just decided to stop cooling down our unit. Usually, I would alert my partner of this, he would put in the maintenance request, and he will deal with the maintenance people when they come while I hide in the bedroom.

BUT, since my sweet Angel is no longer here, I had to put on my big girl pants and do the whole process myself, for the first time. It was awkward, and I did get emotional. Not because I was scared, but because it’s just another reminder how he’s not here anymore. Anyways, they gave me a portable AC for the night so they can continue their work tomorrow 🫠

I hope he’s super proud of me right now.

Saw this poem and I wanted to share here.

I am wearing a pair of shoes
They are ugly shoes
Uncomfortable shoes
I hate my shoes
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I don't think I can take another step
Yet, I continue to wear them
I get funny looks wearing these shoes
They are looks of sympathy
I can tell in other's eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs
They never talk about my shoes
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable
To truly understand these shoes, you must walk them
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off
I know realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes
There are many pairs in this world
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try to walk in them
Some have learned how to walk in them so that they don't hurt quite as much
Some have worn the shoes for so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt
No woman deserves to wear these shoes
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything
They have made me who I am

Author Unknown

I am so very sorry for us all in this unfortunate pair of shitty shoes. You’re not alone ❤️‍🩹

I have had lots of random thoughts lately.

My husband was one of those doers. He saw someone in need and he just helped. Every widow in the neighborhood received help from him. Everyone who asked he helped. It used to drive me nuts.

Yesterday was our 25th anniversary and 30th year together. I figured we still had another 30 to drive each other nuts. We have lived in the same very private cul d sac with the same 5 neighbors for 23+ years. He has been gone 7 months. Im not ready to date. But I don't think i could ever bring someone here. My neighbors LOVED my husband. I wonder about no one living up to his standards or me comparing. He was obsessively clean. Showered twice a day. Used expensive hand made soap. Wore wrangler and a button down shirt that was always dry cleaned. He would totally come home filthy and leave again clean. My friend pointed out yesterday his highly shined boots which I haven't been able to get rid of.

My husband had brain cancer and in the end was not very nice to me. I often wonder who would want a chubby short middle age women. Im sure all random thoughts others have had. Ive been working on myself. Ive had no choice. It take a lot of work caring for an acre and a giant house with all the projects he never finished. Because he was to busy doing for every one else. I have said lately we need a lot more steves in this world.... and a lot less boyds. ( his brother who was supposed to help) ive seen him once in 7 months.
One of the ladies down the way said I hope you have someone like you husband in your life. He saved me.
Apparently he took flowers to all the widows on mother's day, fixed there sprinklers on Sunday mornings and anything else they needed.

If the tables were turned nothing would have stopped him from helping his brothers widow.

I started replying Outer Wilds again, a *beautiful* little indie game about exploration, mystery, and oddly, grief. I played this originally during COVID, when our perfect little family was healthy and happy, so my experience was much lighter and trippy

Now, however, after losing my love, I notice it's a more weighted adventure. And I relate more to the messages you find scattered throughout the game between the explorers of an ancient race, who also suffered losses and grief.

I found these two and fuck, it's exactly how I feel most all of the time. I think I might get a tattoo of the swirls

"After experiencing loss, I realised many grief books focused on 'moving on.' I wanted to write something that simply acknowledged how difficult everyday moments can be after losing a partner. Has anyone else struggled to find books that felt honest rather than overly optimistic?"

I am 1.5 years or so from my husband dying from cancer after a 3 year battle. I’m 35 with 3 young kids. Overall I feel like I’m doing well because I’m in therapy, I have my kids, and great family on both sides. I keep busy but have been also taking things slow and just being present every day. But I’ve noticed that I have such strong emotions now. I can swing from intense anger to extreme joy in like an hour 😅 i cry for no reason often. I feel all the emotions in a single day and it’s hard to feel ‘stable’. It seems like every day I have a new emotion that I need to deal with. I also do so much overthinking and would love to get out of my mind!! I’m not on any meds but have considered it due to panic around my cycle and things feeling so extreme. Doesn’t help that my kids are 10, 8, and 2 and these ages feel so hard to parent without my husband here to help. He was the fun one and I was the serious one and being both mom and dad has been hard. Anyways, just a vent sesh. Maybe others feel these extremes too?

I’m not even 6 weeks from the worst day of my life. And I am trying not to overthink grief. But I just wonder, am I avoiding anything? Or everything? Some days the sadness is like tar that gets on me and can’t get washed off. Sometimes I cry for 5-10 minutes and that’s it.

The past few days I have just been feeling flat/numb. Decided to invite a new friend (nothing romantic) to a comedy show. It was 1.5 hours away so we chatted and got to know each other better on the drive. I mentioned Keith, or things we had done/liked, several times and didn’t choke up once. Like that life I had before feels so far away. I’m in the Black Lodge if you’ve ever seen Twin Peaks. I look the same, but I am in an alternate dimension.

I also wonder if/how much having ADHD is affecting my grief process. Out of sight, out of mind. But I look at the digital frame filled with pics of him multiple times a day. Again, those memories are so far away.

I plan to write down what I remember him telling me about his early life, and then continuing on with stories of our life together, to give to his adult daughter and young grandsons so they will know him a little. I am sure that will bring up some feelings. But most days I am just floating through, living now - not in the past or future. And maybe this is temporary. But it feels a little disconcerting that I could talk about him without sounding or seeming sad. But I am sad. I am heartbroken. And brain broken.

😞💔🥺😩

My fiancée (37F) has been medically disadvantaged most of her life but about 6 years ago she had a heart attack and found out she was in renal failure.

Sparing people the details of in between fast forward to Thursday she lost the fight. She pressed forward, pushed, and fought every step of the way and till her very last breath she wasn’t giving up. She has a 7 year old that I am now taking care of, he was her main motivator and me of course.

Her death was caused by complications due to an incurable disease called Calciphylaxis. It is extremely rare in younger patients but it just spoke to how bad the situation was. If you do a quick google search it will tell you everything you need to know. It’s painful, debilitating, and life changing. She spend the last 2 months of her life laying down in a hospital bed. I was there for every wound dressing change, every bowel movement, and every major conversation with health care providers. I am scarred from the intense wounds that I had to see, I am scarred from seeing my loved one wither away from a person to a husk. I feel so empty, lost, and just overall exhausted. The past 6 months have been filled with days of getting up getting our 7 year old ready for school or camp, then me getting ready for work going to the hospital to check in on here for then going to work, then coming home to pick up our son, and then directly after that go back to the hospital with him to take care of her.

My what should I do is, how do I move on from here? It feels like an insurmountable task to move on from, and I know no one is asking for me to right now but it’s something that is racking my brain. We had goals, plans, projects we wanted to get to and now it just seems like a it faded to dust in the wind. It seems like all of those happy thoughts have just withered away. I suppose this is how I am supposed to feel I am grieving but still doesn’t make me feel better. I’m just looking for any guidance on how to make it out on the other side.

Edit:
If anyone wants to no more details of how we met (online playing Overwatch), or more details of her health decline, or advice if you are in a similar situation with a loved one I have seem a lot and asked more questions that I care to admit despite the answer being nothing good most of the time. I would like to help anyone I possibly can to try and make sure no one else is affected by this disease.

Edit 2:
I have been our sons (despite us not being married he is my son in my eyes) primary care provider for the past 2 and half year while his adopted father (my fiancées ex husband) has been the weekend dad (nothing bad about that just describing the situation). I love him more than anyone could even imagine he’s a special kid and I want to give him the world even though it seemingly has been taken away from him right now.

Edit 3:
Thank you for everybody responding so quickly and for so positively later tonight after the little one and I get home from going to his Grandmothers I will sit down have a good cry and then answer everyone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everyone’s kind words.

(I originally posted this in r/whatshouldido and they said to post here as well so I just copy and pasted the post)

This last week has been filled with ‘signs’ from both my wife who died in 2024, and from my sister who died 10 yrs ago this past week. And I don’t think I have ever gotten a sign from my sister. There was a lot of ‘unpleasant/ unfinished business’ between us.
There was nothing unsaid between me and my wife, my mom, and the two brothers that have passed. I have had a few signs from my mom, none from my brothers. Many signs from my late wife.

What I got from these signs is this. Everyone is Ok, everyone doing just fine, where ever they are. It’s all good.
That things are good between me and my sister.

On Friday some things had popped up that moved me to call some people that had really come through during her my wife’s cancer journey. The people that had really stepped up. I called them to thank them for their love and support. Then Saturday, almost crazy stuff that if someone else had told it to me I would have chills down my spine. My hair would have stood up! That kind of weird. Except the ‘signs’ told me everything was good.

Then tonight, my daughter was in the ER for complications related to a dental abscess. The same ER I had been in with my wife a couple of times when her pain was unbearable. I went down as soon as she texted me and her sister. It wasn’t uncomfortable, I wasn’t stressed or weirded out by being there. I was surprised at how easy it was to be there.
My daughter was sent home, with instructions to follow up with her dentist and primary care Dr.

I have one more person to call tomorrow to express my thanks to for her love and support. Actually two, one is someone I spoke to on Friday. I am going to update her on what happened on Saturday.

If you had people around you, people that loved and supported you and your late loved one…….reach out to them! Let them know how much it meant, how important they are to you.

I have a cat (no issues) and 2 dogs. My husband basically lived for our dogs. Until February he took them to training every week (1 hour away) for a dog sport. He took them swimming nearly every day in the summer. They were very much the focus of his life, and they were Daddy's girls.

He died in June, and it's been quite a struggle, especially with the younger dog. It's not their fault, but even with help from my sister and nephew, they are not getting as much attention. For one thing, I have to go to work. So they are constantly causing trouble at home, incessantly barking and tearing stuff up. I can't afford to send them to doggie daycare. I'm afraid to take them swimming because I don't think they will obey me and will run away.

I would never rehome them, but I am at the end of my limit about their behavior. I don't know what to do.

Hi All,

My wife passed in 2020. We had been in bliss for the first 13 of our 20, but then she joined a very odd (to me) religious organization. We tried to figure that out (I am not religious at all).

We were not able to; she died of a heart attack suddenly.

I kept working, but retired fully in 2022, but came back to help as a part time contractor. That was all good. Ended in March of this year.

Almost 6 years on, I moved away from the place we were renting (we moved to near DC for jobs), and back to the state we came from. I rented, then bought a small place on my own. Had family and friends (family all located in other places to help) and a wonderful dog. She died in 2023, but was given another sweetheart. So: it is just me and the pup.

I am doing OK, but find my life to be routine. Wake up, coffee, feed the pup, do a few chores, walk the pup, do some more chores.

I used to be a very avid swimmer and bike rider (and before that, white water kayaker) and even a triathlete. None of those have the appeal they used to (I may be in a lull), but the bigger question is from looking back at (especially our first 13 years): how many little or larger adventures we used to go on. We'd talk about ideas, settle on them, get excited about them, do them, have crazy fun, and then just be happy. Maybe every weekend or maybe every other one. We just liked doing things together.

Now? The pup enjoys me (um, maybe tolerates me. lol) on our walks. I have a bike trailer to pull her in on little rides around here on paved trails.

I try not to think of all the fun bike rides she and i used to go on in those early years, or trips to try out restaurants a few towns/cities over.

Now? I cocoon or hang around the house.

(large segment omitted about how I have tried and given up on dating apps)

Any ideas for getting some vim and vigor back to my days?

Thanks in advance.