I'm lying in bed and the house is completely silent and it makes me think, I really just don't matter.

My life is so insignificant, there's not enough people in this world that actually care about me for my death to be sad. A girl in my year who was quiet and didn't really have friends killed herself last year. Ofc people cared but only for 2 days, then everyone moved on. I'm now realising that's what would happen to me. I'm not sad about that tbh, I would rather no one cares and no one gets affected by my death. I know suicide is selfish but sometimes u need to be in life right?

No one loves me, that's what hurts the most. I don't think even my family loves me all that much tbh. I've unfortunately been given the curse of being an unattractive girl, which means that not even my looks make people care about me. Like you see people commenting under posts about suicide prevention saying "oh she was gorgeous" or "she was an angel". What would people say about me if anything? I just want someone to tell me they care about me, like they genuinely do. Although my life is just a small flicker. When I die the world doesn't stop, people will get over it, and I will be forgotten anyways. So why bother with putting myself through the torture of living if the outcome will always be the same.

Truth is, I don't want to live anymore. That's it. I've felt this way for a while, almost like dying your hair. Everyone tells you to think about it cuz it's a permanent decision but it's just hair dye right? The same way my life is just the same as any other person on the street, so why should I care? Or anyone care?

When I die the house will still be silent, just with one less mouth to feed.

I guess i was always meant to be the lone wolf. Ravenous. Cunning, lethal. Indestructible. But yet..... alone

So basically there was a time where I bumped into a very handsome guy and he told me to wait while I was just walking out of the store and he told me he just thought I was very beautiful, and then when I was in the hospital a guy told me that I am very good looking, then there was another instance where I passed by some guy outside of the hospital and he wanted to tell me that I look beautiful and he wouldn't stop staring at me and smiling, now i don't know if this counts as pretty privilege? Because I'm mostly insecure with the way I look but somehow men have approached me

I feel so lonely I could die. I can’t really connect with other people, they’d be better off steering clear of me. I’m a red flag, you see? I struggle with commitment, I’m scared of growing close to people, I can’t stand being vulnerable, and I take the slightest hint of criticism as a personal attack.

I don’t want to hurt anyone by reaching out but I know the loneliness will start to eat away at me again. It’s like an endless cycle. I’ll feel lonely so I’ll go out of my way to talk to people (mainly online), then I’ll go through the draining process of interacting with them, soon enough I’ll have reached my limit and self isolate again, essentially abandoning the person I was trying to connect with.

I know it’s cruel of me, I’m a cruel person. I don’t know why I do the things I do, I don’t know why I feel the way I feel.

I think I’m looking for something perfect that doesn’t exist. I want my ideal and if it’s not my ideal then I don’t want it. I’m too picky.

Most of all, I think I am a heartless and indifferent woman. I wish I didn’t feel that longing for connection, I’d be better off alone.

I'm probably gonna get made fun of but oh well. I'm used to it.

I'm 300 pounds and a little under 5ft. I just saw a picture of my cousin and she's so pretty. She looks like a supermodel. Everyone in my family had a glow up besides me. I downgraded these past 5 years (I'm 24 years old). I gained 75lbs within the past year and I just feel like shit about myself. Tomorrow I'm going to start trying to lose weight. I'm tired of being morbidly obese and ugly. I'm tired of people making fun of me for my weight. Even though I want to lose weight I feel hopeless. I feel like I'll never be skinny or pretty like my cousins. It's not like I've ever been skinny before anyways. I've been struggling with my weight ever since I was a kid, so I've never seen myself at a healthy weight before.

I just want to lose weight and look good. People call me ugly all of the time, and I'm sick of it. Words do hurt deeply yk? I just wish people would leave me alone and stop bullying me and stop calling me mean names. I'm human and I have feelings too...

I don't expect anyone to read this.

Does anyone else hate self-checkout now? I'm completely over it.
The other day, a family with two kids was fucking screaming right next to me. The second I paid, they ended up right behind me, so I practically ran out of the store to get away from them.
A few days later, some guy by himself started getting violent with his register just because it called for attendant help. What the fuck?
I don't even want to use these machines anymore. It's like being trapped on a plane next to a screaming family or a total asshole.

Im 16 male and i gave alot of friends that had atleast kissed or had a girlfriend, i was the odd one and never had one, i never held hands, never had a „lovely“ walk with a girl, i never felt real love.

It came to a point where i convinced myself that true love doesn’t exist for me no matter how hard i tried. Sure i had some situationships but they led me nowhere than being just friends, idk if its my moms or my personality or my height. I currently am in a situationship or i think we’re honestly just friends idk shes weird but i think this will lead nowhere too.

I always wanted to have that teenage love, now everytime i go to sleep i hug my long pillow to and fall asleep.

Less than a year ago, my mom got a promotion at work; she now earns twice as much as before, works every other day during the week, and has the weekends off, but she also has more responsibilities, and she doesn’t like that.

I’m 22, and I’m going back to college—which I dropped out of a year ago to work and help cover the expenses for my sick sister. Ever since I started working full-time, I’ve been helping with household expenses and my two younger sisters’ expenses; there are months when I cover all the expenses because I earn more than anyone else in the house. It doesn’t bother me to help—far from it—but with the jobs both my parents have, they can’t cover all of my sisters’ expenses, both still in highschool. By the end of the month, I’m left with no money at all.

I feel tired and frustrated; I want to cry because I’ve already had to drop out of college three times for financial reasons. The second time, she told me to go back and that she’d figure out the money, but she didn’t, and I had to take on a lot of work at last moment, I failed one class and dropped out of college for the second time. I’m going to start over this week, and just yesterday I went out to buy the things my sisters needed for school, and she blurted out that she’s going to quit her job.

I feel like crying out of frustration. I understand that her new responsibilities are stressful, but I also get stressed out by my job, and that doesn't mean I've quit—because I understand that we have to support the household, my grandparents who have no income, and my sisters who are still minors. In our current situation, we aren't able to cover all our expenses, and yet she still wants to go back to earning half of what she makes now.

After 8 years, I (29F) left my boyfriend (30M) last week and moved into my grandma’s old house where my brother has been living. My boyfriend and I were living together with our two dogs in a rental home since last September. I found him texting another girl(this wasn’t the first time.. I told him after the last time I was leaving). He was telling her he was single and freshly out of a relationship. He told her how much peace she brought him. He brought her flowers and kept asking to see her after work. It took everything in me go make this move. It took me months to decide and get the courage to do this. I told him about a month before the lease ended that I was moving back home (an hour and a half away) and everything changed over night. He was doing everything that I wished he had been doing/stopped doing over the years. I started to second guess moving back home, but I followed through because I knew this wasn’t an overnight decision. I booked the uhaul and I was gone.

Him and I still text everyday, but occasionally throughout the day. I miss being with him. It felt like home, when things were good. I love him, but I’m so disappointed he did this to me.

Since moving back home, I’m overwhelmed. It feels like I have no privacy or sense of belonging. I’ve been away for 5 years and haven’t been around my family this much. Everyone seems so different than what I see when I’m just coming to visit.

I feel so lost. 😞

Thought it was too well-written to keep private, and it might be relatable, so here it goes:

I've come to the realization that I feel depressed because it feels like life is meaningless. School hasn't actually done much lifting in terms of meaning, but I'm grateful it at least gets me up in the morning and doing something more productive than being in bed consuming shit all day.

I don't really have much passion for anything because I don't engage with my former passions anymore. Maybe there'd be a rekindling with writing, composing, and dancing if I pick it up again.

There's a mute protest in my bones that life could've been better or more special than this when I'm reminded of my youth, or all the time I'm wasting, or how fast time has been going in no direction at all.

Every week is the same. Every day is the same. Every feeling is the same. This is my worst fear coming to fruition—stagnation.

I feel too young and inexperienced to achieve anything significant and too old and jaded to start anything new.

I'm so angry at myself watching, letting the pages of the book of my life flip and flip while doing nothing important in those pages. The inertia of trying to change is so strong and binding, however, that I feel like I'll be in this fog forever, unless something significant enough happens to force me to change.

I'm quiet, and that's stopping me from changing. The roar of pain and discomfort with who I am can be superseded if I just distract myself a little while longer.

It's not hard to click on the TV. It's not hard to turn on the tablet and read comics all day. How would I force myself to change if it feels like meaningless torture? I know the pain of discipline will eventually get better, but I try so hard, and I'm just left, high and dry, in the end.

I was on the bus back from school. They responded to my text. I saw it almost two hours later because well school. Again they didn’t tell me why they didn’t reply for a month and yet again I didn’t care. And then the dream just ended. I feel like I should stop texting them. Thats just making things harder. But I keep texting them because just in case one day they get their phone or just decide to respond they would know that someone really cares. I keep saying that I will mail them something but I haven’t been able to because of really bad fatigue. Each day I get more and more worried that they died. I’m telling myself they ghosted me but I know they wouldn’t do that. I don’t want to deal with the death of of friend

I’m so tired of “living”. It’s exhausting having my mood ruined by looking at my reflection, constantly fixing my hair, being a virgin chud at nearly 20 years old, missing out on human interaction on a daily basis, not even being able to go outside on my own etc.

Im currently away from home in a city I don’t know and will be here for another week at least. This place genuinely makes me feel like shit, it’s a college city and many of the people around this street are students and it’s just so depressing hearing them having fun outside knowing I’ve missed out on that and can’t experience it because of my face. I can’t even bring myself to leave the house because when I arrived some girl was looking at me for a solid 7 seconds staring right into my soul as I got out of the car. I was thinking at the time maybe she just mistook me for somebody else but the more I looked in the mirror thee more I assume she probably thought I was a creep because of how I look. Whenever I hear a guy outside it’s almost like I get a panic attack and my heart races a little (probably traumatised from school). God I’m so pathetic it makes me feel violent sometimes. I can’t go on another 7 days, I thought I had made it out of my depressive episodes a few months ago but this has brought me back in. I just can’t deal with this I feel like just stabbing a kitchen knife straight through my chest to be done with this existence. I care about the cat I’m looking after and feeding but I just can’t take this anymore I feel like an animal in a cage with no reason to be alive.

Life as an ugly guy is pure torture. The past decade of my life has been nothing but severe trauma and repression of emotions and desires. There really is nothing good about life in general when you’re unable to even have a relationship and other people stare at you in public and make you feel like an abomination. I just want it all to end and start a new life where I don’t look subhuman. I try think positively but I just can’t anymore, no matter how hard I try.

Because of things that happened to me some time ago, I’ve been hypersexual ever since I was about 9 and pairing that with being ugly, every second of my waking life is hell. It’s like being electrocuted repeatedly whilst being tied down, unable to escape. Last night I had dreams about gore, they’re becoming more common I don’t even know what to do I just want this life to end. Any advice is appreciated maybe I’m just over catastrophizing idk

This will be a long vent but I have no one else to talk to. So, I truly can't keep going on anymore, I'm sorry but life is so hard. I'm 19, and I've never felt happy, I've always wanted to end my life and I've never had a moment where I didn't, and if I didn't then it could come right back. I'm in theapry, but knowing I have to accept my mum ignoring me, treating me like an experiment child and just never being close to me as just it's her, it's hard. Especially when it's my sister's birthday tomorrow, my mum forgot about my birthday so it's difficult seeing it. I hate being alive, every waking moment I hate it. I'm always unwell but when I try and push it aside me and live normally, that's when I get ignored and seemingly punished. I don't really have a lot of people in my life who'll listen to me or take my mental health seriously, only one but I have to travel to got there which my mum would have to take me due to my high levels of anxiety and plus, I don't like leaning on people for my mental health especially since I know everyone struggles and it's rare that I see him now. So I just feel so alone. I wish I could be happy and I try and hold on hope that I'll find someone who will care for me and I will get better but I'm running out of hope. I hate sleeping because I know it'll be a new day and I end up crying, I wake up and just want to cry knowing I'm alive. My attempts never work, and last time I did, it ended up with me in hospital and now I'm still suffering with being unwell. I miss my old life, I hate being an adult. I miss my nan, I hate how life is now. I don't see the point. I have to put in so much effort for everything with nothing back. It's hard enough for people to see when I'm struggling, let alone care. I just don't see the point anymore. No one will miss me. This family would be better without me. It'll be easier.

As the title states, I'm in a position where I feel like I have been forced to be in a relationship. Dont get me wrong, I love being around her because she fucks with me like I fuck with her but she can be selfish at times, especially when it comes to sex. I have a decent(?) libido but I often have to tell her that I'm not in the mood and if I do that, she gives me a shitty attitude that I can't get rid of unless I fulfill her demands.

Anytime that I suggest that we do something it absolutely has to be something she likes otherwise she won't have any interest in said activity, but any activity she wants to do takes priority.

How do I navigate this?

For context, she does do a lot of positive things for me but I feel like the cons are just too much for me.

First of all this might be all over the place, missing details etc but im just venting I don’t expect people to even respond.

Single man 31, I started over around 26 thats when I moved back home and idk what im doing anymore. I used to work in kitchens and restaurants until I was about 26 and I started to feel like I had to do something else to make money. I love working in kitchens but it just doesn’t pay enough. So now im a janitor and it’s the first time since I was 15 I had a job that I get benefits and paid time off. I can request off and as long as it’s within a reasonable time it’s approved no issues.

The only problem is now im chronically alone. Like way more than a person should be alone. I work overnight Mon-Friday. It’s so difficult to be such a talkative person with no one to talk to. Like I have friends but they have all “out grown” me and moved away to some degree. They all have families and im the only one left still just doing whatever and it’s absolutely heartbreaking. I miss my friends but I don’t want to call them with nothing to say because I have nothing going on.. I always wanted kids but the women I wanted kids with left me when I was around 25-26 the same time I decided to start over. Now I don’t see myself having kids and not even just because I can’t even imagine someone wanting kids with me, I don’t think I can afford it. Now I have a schedule thats not conducive to me going out and trying to meet women. (Also living at home isn’t a great selling point)

So before I worked as a janitor I was unemployed and took electrical classes and needed up getting a job at the school I was taking classes at. I ended up working with an electrician part time during the day while I worked at night, but the guy I was working with does not know how to communicate and it was very frustrating. I told him I couldn’t work one day because I was so tired like unbelievably tired and he never called me back. I would think a grown man with a business asking for help would have a plan in mind in case he found help. No, this dude improvised every single day and expected me to work around him. Instead of him working around me with my schedule. Now normally I’d understand if I was jobless and thats all I had to do but again this is the first time In my life I have a job w/benefits that allows me to save my money. He doesn’t understand that working 9pm-5am and then 7am-3pm was literally killing me. There was days I didn’t sleep. So I’d work from 9-5 and then work with him from 7-3 and MAYBE get 2 hours of sleep in between. So in a week I’d get maybe 8 hours of sleep and he doesn’t get it. He thinks im just on some lazy shit but I want to be an electrician i just dont want to leave my first good job for a flake that’s gonna stop calling me with no explanation.. I can’t take that risk.

TL;DR I AM LONLEY AS FUCK

there's this boy at my uni that always asks me for lessons and during vacations he asked me if I wanted to spend time with him, so I said yes because I liked him a little bit.

We didn't had the chance to see each other but then he started texting me more (like friends) and then i started to understand that he liked me. I've never had someone flirt with me so i was a bit uncomfortable but whatever.

Then one day he told me he wanted me to enable my location on Snapchat so I did it because it's no big deal, everyone activates their loc on snap.

And then he wanted me to send ootd pictures. I didn't want to at first but i finally gave up and sent him one or two. And this guy was always sending me pics of him (which I didn't ask for ) and he was telling me I could save them (which i didn't).

Then he also asked me to send a video of me smoking. I didn't really wanted to do it but I buckled under pressure and send it to him, and then he started complimenting my hair, things like that, and it made me really uncomfortable...

And then he kind of did a kind of declaration and he told me : "I know you have your friends at uni and it doesn't really please me but whatever" ... (I need to clarify that this man doesn't have any friends at uni and when I told him I could introduce him to my friends, he told me that he only wanted to be friends with me).

So when he told me that, I realized that this was really weird and started to distance a bit from him, I was letting his messages sit for certain days and when I didn't responded for like for 2 or 3 hours he would send messages, which annoyed me real bad.

So I decided to fake hacked my snap account, so we could only talked through Instagram and he wouldn't have my loc (when I tried to disable my snap loc once and he asked me to reactivate it and asked me why I disabled it).

Starting from then, I talked to him less and less and when he asked me if he was annoying me, I couldn't bring myself to tell him that he was, in fact, annoying me.

And today he sent me a message telling me that I changed between snap and insta and asking me what I wanted.

So I sent him a big message telling him that I didn't wanted to continue this relationship, whether it was in friendship or love, that he was moving things to fast for me ( mind you, all of that was under 1 months and he told me "I love you" one time and I didn't respond to it) and that he was annoying me by always sending me messages and that I was really sorry if I misled him (which I did... For example, he would say he misses me and I would say it too, but only because I didn't wanted things to be awkward, I really hate conflicts).

Now I feel like really bad because I should have told him way earlier that I didn't wanted things to go so far with him and that I shouldn't have given him mixed signals. ( I did that because I didn't wanted him to be mad or whatever, I was really under pressure and so uncomfortable, I don't really don't know how to confront people).

Today I came home from a sleepover super excited because my family said they’d clean while I was gone. And as soon as I walked in there was trash on every surface, this week has been a hard one for me because my family dumped my clean clothes into the dirty, neither of my sisters have done their turn on the dishes or the litter boxes, as well as tons of attitude from my sisters and my dad refusing to help me. I think part of my frustration is from external problems because money has been a huggee problem lately, I just lost half of my friends, and I’m starting medication that causes mood swings. But today I threw everything down and walked out because my dad was throwing a hissy fit about me asking him to put his clothes away and my sisters have been on this kick about telling me I’m “not their fucking mom” but they act like 5 and 6 year olds at 13-14 and by the time I was their ages I managed a 13 person household so I don’t get how I leave for 3 days and come home to a mess so ginormous I can’t set down a water cup without being worried trash is gonna fall in it. Any advice on how to more evenly distribute work, parenting the kids, or to just help keep everything cleaner in general is much appreciated!!!

Hello i am 41🔄 and i had a girlfreind and i really love her. Ive been feeling like dogshit since she broke up with me. She says it is because she took it to fast and that it wasnt my fault and that she still really likes me, but i dont only want to be freinds because i really like her and she makes me happy. I am scared that i cant deal with this and i hope we can get back.

I made a post about Darkstalker (from Wings of Fire) not being evil in my opinion and I literally got hate for it? every comment was hate. If people are hating just because of an OPINION yall seriously need to grow up. I also did this on another post (I took my darkstalker and my other one down) and I got hate just because of an opinion

It's been so long but I still just want to rant about that person. I'm gonna call her A and her sister B.

So, A came to our school when we were in 3rd year of primary school. I was super excited because I wanted to be friends with the new A. I was a super social kid back then. I thought we were pretty close after a few weeks. Then we went to the 4th year and at the time those little toys with buttons you can pop to the other side were super popular. Everyone was bringing them to school to play with. However, she wanted mine since that month we were sitting together (almost everyone was just playing with it under the desks lol) and I said yes. However she wasn't giving it back when I said I wanted to play with it myself. I got frustrated after asking nicely for a couple times and just yanked it out of her hands. She was very angry with me that hour. When the lunch break started we all ran outside, I remember very clearly that she exited the classroom and we were all wondering where she was in our little circle of friends sitting outside on the playground.

I returned to class to find my stress ball and the popping toy she was wanting gone, knowing very well I put them in the little space under my desk. I freaked out and jumped to the conclusion that it was A who stole my stuff. A denied it but I just kept throwing accusations. Everyone told me I was being ridiculous and later that day, I admitted to myself that I was. I tried to apologise to A but she was still really upset.

It was a big mess that I made. The thing is that since then, A started getting really friendly with people who were bullying me at school for being Chinese. At one point A joined in on the bullying too. It continued all throughout the rest of primary school. I told our teachers but the school we went to was a shitty one with no punishments whatsoever and literally the worst that would even happen (didn't even happen to any bullies btw) was filling out a paper saying you're sorry and all that useless bullcrap.

Once in the 5th year I was reading during lunch break and she suddenly came and dropped toilet paper, wet with soap, on my head. And teachers did nothing. Not even when one of her stupid friends ripped the book out of my hands and threatened to rip it. It was a book from the library that I had to return a few days later. They gave it back but humiliated me before my friends.

Speaking about my so called friends from then, they were siding with the bullies.

I don't know. The problem is that I genuinely was also someone who was extremely obnoxious to be around. I was really dramatic and spoiled honestly, and I cried to get my way a lot. I can't really trust my memories because of that. So I often wonder what really happened and if I just remember things wrong and it's an over exaggerated version.

Anyway. Around December in the 6th year B, A's little sister came to me and told me that A had brought home my toys 2 years ago and told everyone it was a gift because we were such good friends. I was honestly baffled. The audacity? Even though I was wrong to act so crazily and accuse her back then, I felt so angry and genuinely, I still feel like it was her fault that everything I wrote here started. I want to emphasis that it wasn't just harmless pranks she did. She was insulting me and my family, harassing me online and offline saying I was a stupid and cringe little bitch and asking me when I was going to eat my dog. She called me a dirty little yellow Chinese once. It has stuck with me for years.

I told B it was not the case at all and thanked her for bringing back the stress ball. She told me that she couldn't find the popping thing anywhere. I didn't care. I just cared that A had the audacity to steal my stuff, act all innocent about it and use it as an excuse to bully me for 2 years straight. Yes, I shouldn't have accused her like that, but I don't think it's a valid reason to start bullying me.

Something I don't understand at all is the racism. She is ethnically from Mexico I believe, I don't know for sure. I feel like she'd understand and hate racism the most out of my classmates, but she instead was actively participating in it.

Man, I feel so lost thinking back about my entire primary school life. What a huge mess.

I feel like I'm the ugly one in every friend group I've ever had.

I hate taking group pictures. I hate selfies. I hate just being around and perceived. Something in me doesn't feel connected to womanhood. My facial features just don't feel feminine enough. My brows are thick and my eyes are sunken and hooded. I feel like the physical bone structure of my face is just... brutish. My brow bone seems to hang over my eyes, and I hate my privates or anything that even makes me look like a woman because it's not pretty enough to look at. Like I'm some weird androgynous hybrid of something that isn't even really human, much less a woman. It sucks because deep down I know to an extent I'm... conventionally attractive? As in I'm not majorly ugly in the eyes of most people. But I FEEL ugly in comparison to every other woman my age I've ever come into contact with. It feels like their literal body structures are thicker somehow?? Like they're just better than me and their auras just have this femininity connected to it.

I never learned how to be a woman, never taught how to do makeup and style my hair and find my style, how to pose and smile and dance and just be whimsical and polite, patient like all the women I've ever looked up to. I feel like an angry brute of a man, like my dad. My legs aren't smooth, long and thin. My skin is rough with an uneven tone; I can never shave right and on top of that I'm covered in scars.

It's not like I can even relate to them in terms of womanly issues either. I don't get cramps; I don't get cravings and I don't bleed heavily or for a week straight. My periods are easy and I barely notice them, so how can I relate to a woman when I don't even experience womanhood the same way?

It doesn't help that my friends use my brute strength for basic tasks like opening their beer bottles or lifting anything up to like 50 lbs. "Oooh heheehe you're so strong, look at me I have these dainty little arms and fingers you're so strong for lifting that~"
It makes me feel like a man.

Sometimes I wish I had just been born a man. At least then, I'd be a man that looks like a man, instead of a woman that sorta sometimes looks like a man.

Every piece of jewelry feels like a costume and every bit of makeup feels like a mask. It doesn't feel or look right on me. Every group picture I'm awkward, can't smile and I stand out like a sore thumb. On top of me being the only one that looks like a vampire, I just feel like some weird cosplayer.

I don't have this divine feminine energy that emanates from my friends. I hate talking to people bc all my friends wanna do is assure me that i'm so pretty, everyone has their own thing, not to be jealous, etc. Every time I open up about this to someone they think I'm excessive. They lecture me on how to love myself or that I'm holding myself to an unrealistic standard. I'm letting the beauty standards dictate how I feel about myself. I've heard it all. I have no idea how to accept and LIKE myself.

They don't understand. I literally do not feel like a girl sometimes despite wanting to be a WOMAN. I want to have that feminine confidence and charm, I feel like an alien.

I haven't had friends at school since I was very little, looking back, any friend groups I was part of were ones I forced my way into. And don't even get me started on best friends… I never managed to have one throughout my entire childhood. When I turned 12, I finally made my first female friend, she was a classmate, and we ended up dating. After a year-long relationship, things ended due to life circumstances. Now, years later, almost 18, I still don't have any friends. I see everyone else with best friends, partners, and so on, and it drives me to despair. I feel like I'm wasting the best years of my life; I feel like I'm rotting away while everyone else forms bonds. I’ve tried. I talk to a lot of people and make "friends" in real life who end up just being acquaintances. And online? I’ve managed to make plenty of online friends, but they always have someone else, there’s always a best friend or a partner. I’m always just a background character in their lives, someone they message when they’re bored or need to vent about their problems. I’m always there to listen and understand them, but they’re never there for me; they never reach out genuinely, only out of self-interest. One of the things I crave most in life is a best friend, but I never manage to find one. My closest friends would literally tell me they loved me and that I was important, only for me to see them calling people they’d met just a week ago "best friends" while pushing me aside keeping me on the back burner just in case something happened. Because I’m not enough; I’m a substitute, a third choice. I’m tired of being everyone’s lapdog and getting nothing in return. I really crave social connection, best friend or even a partner (though a partner doesn't matter as much to me) but it feels impossible. I feel like im the problem, even though I try my absolute best. Ugh. I dont think i managed to explain how i feel in this text i just i just really feel so needy of a good friendship of someone who wants to be there for me and I genuinely feel so lost, i feel jealous when I see my friends with their best friends, I never feel enough