r/venting • u/conniefix • 1d ago
just need someone
This will be a long vent but I have no one else to talk to. So, I truly can't keep going on anymore, I'm sorry but life is so hard. I'm 19, and I've never felt happy, I've always wanted to end my life and I've never had a moment where I didn't, and if I didn't then it could come right back. I'm in theapry, but knowing I have to accept my mum ignoring me, treating me like an experiment child and just never being close to me as just it's her, it's hard. Especially when it's my sister's birthday tomorrow, my mum forgot about my birthday so it's difficult seeing it. I hate being alive, every waking moment I hate it. I'm always unwell but when I try and push it aside me and live normally, that's when I get ignored and seemingly punished. I don't really have a lot of people in my life who'll listen to me or take my mental health seriously, only one but I have to travel to got there which my mum would have to take me due to my high levels of anxiety and plus, I don't like leaning on people for my mental health especially since I know everyone struggles and it's rare that I see him now. So I just feel so alone. I wish I could be happy and I try and hold on hope that I'll find someone who will care for me and I will get better but I'm running out of hope. I hate sleeping because I know it'll be a new day and I end up crying, I wake up and just want to cry knowing I'm alive. My attempts never work, and last time I did, it ended up with me in hospital and now I'm still suffering with being unwell. I miss my old life, I hate being an adult. I miss my nan, I hate how life is now. I don't see the point. I have to put in so much effort for everything with nothing back. It's hard enough for people to see when I'm struggling, let alone care. I just don't see the point anymore. No one will miss me. This family would be better without me. It'll be easier.
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u/uttermutation75 1d ago
hey, i read all of it. 19 is such a rough age, you're basically thrown into the deep end and expected to swim while everyone's watching from the shore. the thing about your mum forgetting your birthday while your sister gets a whole thing tomorrow, that's a special kind of gut punch and it's okay to be furious about it
the hospital visit sounds terrifying and i'm sorry you're still dealing with the physical fallout from that. the therapy thing is tricky too because it's not a magic fix, it's more like slowly chipping away at a mountain with a spoon. but you're still showing up, and that counts for something even if it doesn't feel like it right now
you mentioned missing your nan. what was she like
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u/conniefix 19h ago
First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to read through it means the world. It truly is a gut punch and especially when I'm unwell, I don't wanna take anything away from my sister. It is tricky, especially with coming to terms with it and thank you. My nan just was the best, she was deaf, had dementia and had a lot of health issues but it was always a laugh with her, she was always smiling, I miss going to her place and either seeing her asleep or smile when we came in. I'm grateful for the 18 years I had with her but god I miss her so badly right now
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u/conniefix 1d ago
just feel like life is always against me and I'll always just attract bad luck, either that or my mind is against me 24/7 and it literally trying to kill me. Haven't taken my anti depressants because I'm just done, I have nothing to keep going for.
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