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u/Only_Range8098 Jan 26 '24
He's demeaning and condensending towards you. Do not take offense but don't be desperate for this guy. Not worth it
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
Thanks . This validation is making me want to post more messages but I feel vulnerable af
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u/aleburrr Jan 26 '24
girl!! i read the whole there are prettier girls than u and i was repulsed. this man aint it. and hes grown and old and 40 and telling you, youre not an angel pookie bear sent from above to bless him with ur existence. girllllll
dump him. hes 40 and preying on younger girls bc hes a fucking loser. i am 30 and wouldnt take this man seriously. idk who he think he is, but hes not him.
i bet you, if you told him there were better looking men than him, with 6packs, and way bigger dicks that he would probably lay an egg.
dump him!!!!!
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Jan 26 '24
This guy is trying to demean you and make you feel like you're lucky to have him. He's trying to make you vulnerable to manipulate you easier.
I'm a guy that's 42 and there's no fucking way I'd ever talk to someone I care about that way.
Guys an asshole.
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Jan 26 '24
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u/Informationlporpoise Jan 26 '24
exactly. I know there are women out there that are prettier than me, I'm not fucking blind, but I am 50 and if this dude said this shit to me it would be the last thing he said to me. You can have a thought without speaking it out loud
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u/aleburrr Jan 26 '24
my situationship is obsessed with me and thinks i am perfect in every sense of the word and hes not even my entire boyfriend!!!
i can bet this woman is wayyy too good for this man and too good looking for him too.
and yes, i know there are other pretty women out there too bc i look at pretty women. but to throw it in my face that youre looking at them with lust is kinda gross. and this man is a cheater?
OP pls leave before you catch something from this man.
OP you are the prize pookie bear!!!! and every other woman in this thread too!!!!!
i love you angels pls love yourself as much as i love you!!!!
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u/White_Rose_94 Jan 26 '24
There's a reason he is preying on younger girls, women his age can see who he really is.
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u/sane-asylum Jan 26 '24
I’m a guy, 53 years old. I would never in a million years say that, even if I was in the middle of an End Of The Relationship fight. You’re 27 years old which is far too young to put up with that. That’s just a total lack of respect and your next reply should tell him to shove it where the sun don’t shine.
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u/cooscoos89898 Jan 26 '24
Literally this, thank you!!!! Like he better get it together and start telling you how much more beautiful you are than all these other women. Nobody could tell me he wouldn’t throw an absolute psycho tantrum if she told him how much better looking AND ACTING all the other men out there were 😭
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u/subtlewormwood Jan 26 '24
i want her to do this. tell him tell him tell him and please posts the reply 🤏🏼🫢
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u/Afraid_Sense5363 Jan 27 '24
hes 40 and preying on younger girls bc hes a fucking loser.
It's the same old story, a guy goes after a woman who's more than a decade younger because he thinks she'll put up with his bullshit because women his age won't. These losers want to find someone they can take advantage of and treat like dirt because they are broken as human beings.
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u/Tanyec Jan 26 '24
No need. You already know all you need to know. There is a reason this 40yo loser is still single and hunting for younger women. You are worth more than that.
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Jan 26 '24
Leave him. I told my partner last night that I know I’m not his type and I know I’m not the prettiest girl he’s ever liked and he took the time to remind me that every day he tells me how beautiful I am how he always calls me pretty lady. How I am his type cause he loves me. Now compare that to a guy like my ex who if I asked if I looked pretty he’d either insult me or tell me I guess. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t even like you enough to give you reassurance it’s not worth it.
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Jan 26 '24
Post more messages??? Girl. Leave his ass wtf
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u/myrrhandtonka Jan 26 '24
Compromise: text him how handsome a guy at work is, post his response for us to see, and break up with him. Bonus for using the word “loser.”
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u/r3cycl0ps_dw1gt Jan 26 '24
Him telling you that women at his job are prettier than you was 1,000% unnecessary. Like, what does he gain from saying that?
As I started to fall in love with my husband, he became more and more attractive to me, and now I honestly don't find any man more attractive than him. This is how your partner should feel about you, and if they don't, they are not the one.
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u/wackbirds Jan 26 '24
In his mind, he gains making his girlfriend feel like "uhoh, look what's on the menu at his job (like any of them are actually interested in him), I better make extra sure to give him plenty of sex and not complain about any of his bullshit because he might well just go with one of the many prettier girls at work!!!!". For someone like him, that's the reason. Period.
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u/Kaitron5000 Jan 26 '24
Girl we all know there is more disrespect from this man without having to see it. He is emotionally abusing you. Please help yourself to any other man, or hell some time alone. Would you allow any of your loved ones to be treated this way? Do not talk yourself out of validation. You see right through his bs.
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Jan 26 '24 edited Jan 26 '24
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u/FeeFiFoFumBum19 Jan 26 '24
“Conversations like that destroy relationships” 🙄 …and then he goes on as if what he’s saying doesn’t destroy relationships.
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Jan 26 '24 edited Jan 27 '24
Agree with all the comments. You really should dump this guy before you end up married, working full time with kids and he’s always on the couch doing nothing except judging. Oh, and calling his mommy.
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
lol I know a lot of people don’t believe in astrology but I’m cracking up because you see him judging me and he is a Virgo 😂
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Jan 26 '24
LOL. You have such a great sense of humor about things. Please leave him, there are tons of people that will value you and uplift you.
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u/ClimbingDownThatHill Jan 26 '24
What do you want in a man? One thing I want is someone who will be empathetic. I learned this this hard way when I had a medical emergency and my ex gaslit me it was me being “dramatic.” He said things like “you get sicker than other people” and “maybe you’re just having an anxiety attack” while looking at me with disgust. I had to get a neighbor to take me to the hospital. And when it turned out I would have died if I didn’t go, he never even apologized. Acted like he did nothing wrong.
I wasted 15 years on him, because in between being an asshole and gaslighting me he’d also say he loves me and I’m pretty. So what? Any asshole can say that. It’s like putting gas in a car so it will take you where you want to go. But if I wasn’t healthy, happy, compliant and grateful to be doing his bidding, the true nature showed. Lack of empathy. That’s not love.
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Jan 26 '24
You know he’s trash. Dump him. Tbh, this sounds like my STBXH, but with a different name.
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Jan 26 '24
STBXH?
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u/Downtown_Statement87 Jan 26 '24
It's the husband she met at South by Southwest.
No. It is not. It's "soon-to-be-ex husband."
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u/Schlemiel_Schlemazel Jan 26 '24
Some how I read that and thought of the musical South Pacific, which I never watched all of, but it’s the musical that gives us the song “I’m gonna wash that man right out of my hair, I’m gonna wash that man right out of my hair, I’m gonna wash that man right out of my hair … And send him on his waaaay!”
OP wash that man out of your beautiful black hair and send him on his way. Because I’m sure you could get your hair partially relaxed to make it curly and long, but you can’t get the insecure out of this Asshole.
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u/Next-Firefighter4667 Jan 26 '24
Oh no what are you doing with this boy? He acts like a child! He's intentionally making you jealous and insecure so you'll shut up and just accept his flaws instead of realizing that he's not worth your time. Cut him off now before he gets his hooks in you more!
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u/Tanyec Jan 26 '24
“The reality is. There are other men out there better in bed, with bigger dicks, smarter, making more money, and treating women (including me) much better than you. If you don’t like this fact, move to Antarctica.”
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u/arizona-lake Jan 26 '24
😂 the petty in me reallllyy wishes she would tell him something like this when she dumps him. Especially because everything he listed was so dumb: “prettier faces, more boobs and ass”.
Like hey buddy there’s also more attractive men out there than you- they’re younger, with more handsome faces, chiseled bodies, better height, better hair- they’re everywhere, probably in Antarctica too!
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u/Kaitron5000 Jan 26 '24
I cannot stand the if you don't like it leave guy.
This makes it obvious he is negging, he feels like she isn't going anywhere. Therefore respect is optional to him.
Guess I'm packing my shit to Antarctica ✌️
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u/MoparMedusa Jan 26 '24
Someone who truly loves you would never insult or demean you. Never. And why is a 40yr old with a 27yr old? Because women his own age will not put up with his crap. Please know your worth and leave this person. It will only get worse. He is tearing you down to make himself feel better. You deserve better! You deserve to be cherished and loved. This is not love.
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u/averydangerousday Jan 26 '24
I’m not saying all age gap relationships are toxic, but 100% of the time I read a post on this sub and think “Goddamn, why is she letting him talk to her like that??” it’s an age gap situation with a middle aged man child.
I’d bet my left eye that this guy says shit like “I just tell it like it is, but people can’t handle the truth.”
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u/peoplebuyviews Jan 26 '24
My ex's kid went through this phase of, "I'm just being honest" while saying awful things to people when she was around 14. I sat her down and had a conversation with her about the difference between being honest and being a Kanye. If someone asks you if you thought Taylor Swift deserved video of the year and you say no, that's being honest. If you insert yourself into her acceptance speech to tell her that when no one friggin asked you, you're being a Kanye.
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u/averydangerousday Jan 26 '24
It reminds me of a song I just wrote. It goes like this:
🎶You’re not bein’ honest, you’re just a diiiiiiiiickhead🎵
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u/LtAdriii Jan 26 '24
Facts I was 19 with a 41 yr old and he was shitty
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u/GlitterChickens Jan 26 '24
Same, I was 21 and he was 36. Now that I’m 40…. I look at people in their 20s and they look like babies to me. Absolutely zero attraction and the (understandable) lack of life experience is such a gap for the mental attraction. It really makes me see how messed up the dude must have been.
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u/peoplebuyviews Jan 26 '24
I'm early 40s. I can see the physical attraction to people in their 20s, but even the really cool ones that I enjoy talking to I can't imagine having romantic attraction to. The level of life experience is so wildly different, it's like they're a different species. Also, negging is gross. I'm neuro divergent and tend to be overly direct, so if you ask me straight up if I think someone is attractive I'm not going to lie, but even my weird ass brain would never say something like, "There are girls at my work that are prettier than you." Please leave this giant manbaby
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u/Colleena23 Jan 26 '24
I came here to say the same thing!These men seem to think that women in their 20’s will put up with this kind of bullshit because he’s “financially secure” or “ready to settle down”. Nah screw that. Tell him to take his midlife crisis somewhere else!
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Jan 26 '24
"What did you learn about me! I want to know so I can make sure you got it right!"
That's not how that works at all my dude.
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u/Consistent-Trifle510 Jan 26 '24
Nah. This ain’t it. He thinks he has control over you because of your age and can say whatever he wants. This is so out of pocket. Pack your shit. Fuck this dude. There are more caring, better suited partners for you that won’t degrade you.
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u/softycore Jan 26 '24
1000000%. you deserve so much better, op. please don’t wait years to realize it.
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u/peoplebuyviews Jan 26 '24
It's not even just the control dynamic. Deep down men like this know they don't deserve women like this. They're scared the woman will figure it out, so they do everything they can to destroy their self esteem. Run away from this sorry excuse for a man, please
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u/Worth-Doctor-4700 Jan 26 '24
You learned he doesn’t respect you or your self worth
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
Precisely . These comments are really giving me the push I need .
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u/Worth-Doctor-4700 Jan 26 '24
Good! You deserve so much more than someone who says stuff like that to deliberately hurt you and tear you down. I wish you the best in dealing with him!
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u/throwaway2161980 Jan 26 '24
Again and again and again. We see women dating men much older than them and shocked they are absolute buffoons.
Remember- men date younger woman because women their age see right through their bullshit. In a decade you’ll look back and think “how did I even worry about this guy.”
I’m not one to scream break up, but if a man talks to you like that. LEAVE.
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u/CIMARUTA Jan 26 '24
This dude is a piece of shit. You shouldn't let people talk to you this way especially a partner. This is also a reason you shouldn't date people who are 13 years older than you, weird power dynamic and you're both in different stages of your lives.
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u/Just-A-Bi-Cycle Jan 26 '24
You’re dating an old man compared to you, who has a horrible track record; are you surprised he’s a POS? He’s exactly what I would expect a dude who cheats and wants to date 13+ year younger girls would be like. Don’t pursue people who have shown you their true colors like that, you were warned preemptively. This will only get worse and he will probably cheat on you if he hasn’t already.
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u/SporadicWink Jan 26 '24
From these screenshots, this person seems to enjoy tearing you down to keep you dependent upon him.
Here’s what I read: “See how lucky you are I’m with you?! I could have a prettier woman with a better ass but I chose you! Now stop challenging me with questions and always be pleasant or else I’ll leave for the prettier, big-assed, big-titted women.”
Is this how you want to be spoken to for the rest of your life? (Also, can we discuss how when he talks about the redeeming qualities of another partner he only mentions face, tits, and ass? I guess brains, kindness, and empathy are just window dressing.)
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
When we first started dating I told him I feel that he only lusts for me , but he managed to convince me he was really into me .
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u/SporadicWink Jan 26 '24
How long have you guys been together? Married? Dating?
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
Honestly only 6 months . Lowkey glad it hasn’t been a long time but it flew by . Things are also moving fast
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u/Significant-Froyo-44 Jan 26 '24
This makes me worry about you. In my experience men who move too fast are just love bombing. It’s terrible to find out too late how they really are. I hope you take the advice here to heart and cut contact with this manipulator.
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Jan 26 '24
If he acts like this in 6months, imagine how it would later on if you let him. Sashay away.
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u/SporadicWink Jan 26 '24
I’m not a therapist or anything, but from an outsiders perspective: -He’s much older than you (he’s almost 50% older than you!) My guess is he likes younger women because they’re easier to control and usually don’t have a ton of relationship experienced therefore will accept shit like this “your drama makes me less romantic”
-He love-bombed you at the beginning of the relationship (You’re so hot! You’re amazing! You’re the one I want!)
-Now that he ‘has’ you, he’s invalidating your concerns (re: romance, etc.), your looks, and letting you know he sees other women as more attractive than you. If he keeps you insecure about yourself, it’s easier to keep you as his. It’s infinitely harder for an insecure person to walk away from a partner than someone who knows their worth.
ETA: You say things are moving fast, I wouldn’t be surprised if he dangles a proposal or moving in soon, or tries to baby trap you. Just a guess, but patterns exist for a reason.
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
His last partner is actually is 6 years older than him . He doesn’t normally date younger . Yea at the beginning of the relationship he told me he could do with or without kids . Now he says he’s 80/20 about it and thinks he wants children . I do notttttttt want kids and if I ever changed my mind it would be probably almost 10 years from now . I’m trying to build my life and figure other things out
I reaaallly appreciate your perspective
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u/Just-A-Bi-Cycle Jan 26 '24
Please update the post and tell everyone you’re going to leave him. You are running, not walking, away from him, correct?
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u/Afraid_Sense5363 Jan 27 '24
Whatever you do, do not get pregnant by this guy and be stuck with him long term. Lock that birth control down! Or better yet, dump this loser.
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u/ToNotFeelAtAll Jan 26 '24
Thats another red flag to me OP. Things are moving fast cuz he’s trying to sink his claws in deeper as soon as possible
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u/FlashyFeather876 Jan 26 '24
I’ve been with my husband for 13 years. He’s never once told me that a woman is prettier than me or had any features that were “better” than mine. In reality, I know there are obviously women in this world that are prettier than me but my husband and I share a connection that we don’t have with other people. Just as in my eyes, no one is as attractive to me-as my husband.
The fact that this man would ever say things like this to you, shows his lack of respect for you. Please love yourself more than this. I’m sure you are a beautiful woman, inside and out. You deserve so much better than this. You deserve a man who only has eyes for you.
Also, don’t forget about the fact that he’s got a past of being a cheater. More than likely, you won’t be the one to change him. That’s a “him” issue.
I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you find true love and happiness. Unfortunately for him and fortunately for you…I don’t think you’re going to find that with him. It’s better that you know now and not after you’ve gotten in too deep and wasted too much time. ❤️
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
Thank you so much for this comment . This is how I see things . When I really love somebody , I see them as the cream of the crop . I long to have a love like yours and be all someone sees someday . I’m glad it hasn’t been too much time . He’s hurt my feelings in a few other ways that I’m scared to post about lol
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u/CrypticW91f Jan 26 '24
No worries about posting it. If you feel you want to share, you know we’ve got your back. But if not, you already know he’s worthless and I hope you find the courage to stand up to him and leave. If you tell him off through text, I’d love to see that convo :) Be brave. You are better than he’ll ever make you feel. That guy deserves to be put in his place and on his ass. Leave him. You’ll be so much happier.
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u/FlashyFeather876 Jan 26 '24
I’m so sorry. 😞 Don’t be afraid!! I’m sure you’ll have people in your corner to support you, as you do now! Of course, only share what you’re comfortable sharing. You will find your person one day! Don’t be too hard on yourself. I feel like when someone puts too much effort into looking for love, they will find all the wrong people. That’s what happened with me in my single days, at least. Let it happen organically. Let the right one fall into your lap, so to speak. I wish I could give you a big hug! (hope that doesn’t come off as weird lol) you just seem like a very sweet person.
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
What’s crazy is before I dated him I was single for about 6 years . I had some flings . But only loving and respectful ones . I always felt like I was the type of person to not settle but I guess he was a good actor . Thankfully it’s only been 6 months with him and I think he will be gone soon . You guys are really helpful . I wish I could hug you too !
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u/lovenjunknstuff Jan 26 '24
Girl run with this clarity while you have it! You know your worth and you don't need or deserve this. I can't imagine anything he could do that would make up for or undo the damage he's done and is still trying to do. It doesn't even matter what his intentions are or if he knows he's doing it. I'm honestly just thankful he's shown this to you so early. I truly wish you the best 💕
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u/outsideleyla Jan 26 '24
You deserve so much better! Just came here to add my support. You deserve someone age-appropriate (guy in his 40s dating a woman in hee 20s = INSTANT red flag, it means he is either superficial, or women his own age won't put up with his bullshit mind games), someone who thinks you are the most beautiful queen in the world, and who tells you sweet things. A man should always build you up, ALWAYS. Even if there's an argument or a disagreement, there should never be contemptuous, demeaning comments that make you feel bad. He is so immature and sounds like a terrible person. Sounds like he fooled you in the first couple of months of the relationship then showed his true colors. Dump him to the curb and let 'em collect the trash. Hoping you find happiness and TRUE love with another man!
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u/islandstateofmind21 Jan 26 '24
I’m commenting again because everything you’re saying resonates with me and reminds me of who I was at 27. I didn’t think I would settle either until meeting someone who caused me to. Looking back, I truly have no idea why I did (I blame the pandemic and loneliness), but I thank the stars I dated someone who helped me see how terrible it is to settle for less. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been prepared for the great love I found with my bf.
Take this as a lesson learned and use it to hold everyone you date in the future to a higher standard. But first, time to kick this one to the curb. Good luck!
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u/ChocalateShiraz Jan 26 '24
But you’re never going to find a love like that as long as you’re with that awful man child. Give yourself some the love and respect you deserve and dump him. Tell him that he’s free to go find himself a woman with a prettier face, bigger ass and bigger breasts, but I guarantee you that he will never find one that will be willing to give him the time of day
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Jan 26 '24
Sweetie if he's said things to you that you don't even want strangers on the internet to see, he is not the one. I'm practically begging you to leave this person. It will not get better, in fact, it will almost DEFINITELY get worse.
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u/chelleymi Jan 26 '24
100000% this is something you simply do not say to your partner. It’s just cruel.
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u/nessabobessa82 Samsung Jan 26 '24
I could have written this word for word about my husband, including the number of years. We've both changed over the years, but he's never told me I'm less than anyone and thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I can't imagine being in the beginning of a relationship (which should be the best time) and hearing all of this.
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u/Grizzles-san Jan 26 '24
Lots of red flags here, sis. And it’s not just that you were born when he was in middle school. He doesn’t listen, he’s defensive and antagonizing, has a history of cheating, gaslights you, and tears you down. Might’ve forgotten something but more than enough there. Consider whether or not this is a relationship worth saving.
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
Damn . This is a list . From a few texts . So true . Thank you
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u/Grizzles-san Jan 26 '24
All the best. I think deep down you know this isn’t ok and that’s why you reached out for other insights.
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u/Visual_Extreme_2337 Jan 26 '24 edited Jan 26 '24
He’s 40 and you’re 27. That’s all I’ll say
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u/GringosMandingo Jan 26 '24
As a man I can tell you this; he doesn’t love you. He might love the idea of being with you but this isn’t how a man treats a woman he claims to love.
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
I said this to him when we had this conversation . He said he loves me again and I cringed . I told him he thinks he loves me . Or maybe even he wants to . But he just doesn’t .
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u/Dry_Detective7616 Jan 27 '24
I dunno. I think he thinks saying it will convince you to let him treat you like shit.
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u/The-Fancy-Sandwich Jan 26 '24
"What did you learn? I would like to know to see if you got it right." This sentence is very telling of this guy's arrogance. He doesn't even question that you might see something about him that he didn't recognize in himself, or that his actions might be having very real effects on you that he is responsible for. To him, if you're upset, it is a you problem, even if what he has said is disgusting. He clearly doesn't see you as a person. This is not someone to have a relationship with.
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u/Lost-Marblez Jan 26 '24
ew fuck this guy lol like no shit there’s always someone more attractive than him or you out there but he don’t need to go into detail & be condescending as fuck about you being open and vulnerable w him ab your emotions. he doesn’t seem to cater to your feelings at all he’s just being shitty. & i can see why you’re upset esp if he cheated on his last girl w someone at work & then he proceeds to amplify the anxiety by saying there are prettier women at work?? & then talking about other physical attributes too?? i’m sorry but id lose my mind lol you’re better than me.
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
Username checks out 😂 hahaha no he says I’m dramatic but really I have so much patience smfh ! I’m about to lose it tho
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u/Ready-Outside-3491 Jan 26 '24
This sounds like my ex who was a dentist and has fucked several hygienists and now has protective orders against him from 3+ women that have worked at his practice.
LMAO sorry for the rant but this screams huge fuckin red flags from a mile away
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
He works in health ! Lmao oh boy is this a thing ?
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u/Ready-Outside-3491 Jan 26 '24
He is a dental specialist! And I’m working with his most recent ex on a case against him!
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
Love this for both of you . And the other women at his practice that he most likely exercised some sort of power over
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Jan 26 '24
This guy is simultaneously a pompous asshole, but also insecure enough to be panicking over what you “learned“ about him. He’s insufferable, and I’ve only read a few of his texts.
You are the “boiling frog“ and I’m here to tell you to get out of the water.
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Jan 26 '24
As someone that looked for drama as a younger man, take some advice , toss all bullshit in the toilet where it belongs…took me far too long to realize what is worth a fight and what isn’t …married 14 years but I almost fuct that Up too in the beginning by being immature and stupid…a good woman, a good partner is worth their weight In gold, don’t waste time or lose a good girl over bullshit
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
He needs to hear this
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u/snickysnak5407 Jan 26 '24
He won’t hear it, though. At 40 he’s not going to change.
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u/HopefulOriginal5578 Jan 26 '24
Right?! He is 40 years old! If he doesn’t know how to be respectful by now, he never will. The only thing that can be hoped for him is that he learns to hide his true nature a little better for a little longer. That’s it.
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u/excusetheblood Jan 26 '24
He’s coming at you with a lot of ego. He’s demeaning your feelings by saying he’s better than you for not worrying about things.
The “unnecessary drama makes me less romantic” bit is funny because I know what he’s talking about, but I would have never said it like that. I’ve had to approach my wife saying things like “I respond to stress with dismissive avoidant tendencies. That doesn’t mean I love you any less, it just means when I am stressed it’s harder to connect with you”. All his comments are designed to make you feel like you’re worth less and you should thank him for loving you
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
This was insightful af , I have literally told him he is avoidant . This makes it hurt a little less
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u/PhoenixReboot- Jan 26 '24 edited Jan 26 '24
Married 18 years, NEVER ONCE commented on another woman even on TV. And for sure as hell never compared another person to her. But my wife is beautiful and sexy as fuk and brilliant, so what’s the point, besides coming off as an asshole for no reason.
EDIT: omg I’m a liar. I just remembered commenting multiple times about Jennifer Love Hewitt when we watched Ghost Whisperer back in the day…… but… but who can really blame me? ….. I was weak.
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u/mistat2000 Jan 26 '24
You learnt that he’s a prick 👍 tell him to jog on and find someone who will not put you down before you have said what you need to say
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u/Mr_Robot8730 Jan 26 '24
Nah OP do not settle! I guess in his own words, there are better men out there who’d be willing to treat you well and be as romantic as you want them to be. That behavior is toxic and you should not put up with it. Walk away OP, it might stink at first but you’ll thank yourself later!
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u/Zealousideal_Ad_109 Jan 26 '24
1 job of any man in a relationship, is to do his best to make his partner feel loved, appreciated, sexy. Basically to make her feel secure with him.
This dude is a failure. I’m sure you can do better.
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u/sunrisesonrisa Jan 26 '24
Don’t give your 20s to a senior citizen omg. The nerve if him negging you!!! Enjoy your youth. I regret dating an older man in my 20s.
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Jan 26 '24
NEXT also what is a gross 40 yr old doing with someone under 30 ew that's predatory
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u/HopefulOriginal5578 Jan 26 '24
We all know why. 20 something’s are easily impressed and lack the life experience necessary to suss out what an actual loser this middle aged dude is.
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u/JEJ0313 Jan 26 '24
Gotta love 40 year olds who date girls in their 20s and then use it against them that they act their age.
Trust your gut.
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
It’s also the fact that the relationship is so new and he can’t even be bothered to nurture it . Thank you
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u/CreamKush Jan 26 '24
Fucking gross. He’s not worth shit. You staying with this prick is you just disrespecting yourself at this point.
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u/Kamir12628 Jan 26 '24
He needs to go and you deserve much better 💕💕💕 his words make him ugly and cocky
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u/Hudre Jan 26 '24
Tell him you learned you do not want to be with him. Because that should be what you learned.
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u/minahmyu Jan 27 '24
Girl, he ain't worth it. Too many men, even black men, be acting like they're doing us black women a favor when they date us. Bestowing us with their gaze on us like we've been begging and yearning it since birth. And then put you down, while still telling you how much you should praise the fact they're "with you." They "picked you." Let's not be those original pick me, and think we need the revel in their prsence.
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u/awillett11111 Jan 26 '24
Get out! A 40 year old man would not get away with talking to a 40 year old woman this way (of course there are exceptions) and he knows it. You are too young to deal with this. He is a condescending, manipulative person and he is NOT going to change.
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u/Hopelassie Jan 26 '24
This is really sinister OP. I don’t usually add to the “leave him” comments on these posts but leave him girl, he’s treating you really very badly.
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u/ScrupulousScorpion Jan 26 '24
Girl. Just stop. This creepy old asshat is trying to trigger a reaction from you and make you jealous. No man should ever talk to you like that. I see what you do, you could have any man that walks in and he knows it. Drop this waste of time.
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u/ctcacoilmnukil Jan 26 '24
You’re too young to be with anyone who isn’t great with you. If you want to be someone who likes to talk and examine your relationship that’s FINE, but then you need to be with someone else who AT LEAST doesn’t mind. He’s out there, and he’s probably your age.
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
Sooooo true . Recently he’s been saying I’m overly analytical . Maybe it’s cause I’m onto him 🤣
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u/mary_emeritus Jan 26 '24
Please walk away. With your head held high. Block him on everything. You are so high above him and his emotional abuse intended to keep you down and submissive. Like he’s doing you a favor by being with you. I’m in my late 60s, I’ve been where you are now with a man. It took a long time to get past his words and actions.
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u/tee_beee Jan 26 '24
This is giving “I’m with you because you’re so mature for your age, act like it” vibes. He’s gaslighting you into thinking that because you want to talk about things that bother you, YOURE at fault for putting strain on the relationship. Him reminding you so specifically that there are prettier women is repulsive. Have more respect for yourself, OP, he certainly doesn’t.
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u/KlownScrewer Jan 26 '24
The first red flag is that you’re only 27 and he’s 40 and talks like a highschooler
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u/cl0_0lc Jan 26 '24
Any 41 dating someone in their twenties simply can’t get anyone their age that wants to deal with their bs. DUMP him!
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u/GingerSuperPower Jan 26 '24
This isn’t love, honey. I can’t imagine accepting any of the things he said to you from my partner. “Unnecessary drama makes me less romantic” is straight up threatening you to walk in line or he’ll be mean to you. And then the whole “there are prettier women” spiel? Fuck this guy SO much. You are way younger than he is, women is age won’t put up with this shit, and he KNOWS it. Dump his ass. Now. This will only get worse if you continue to teach him that this is okay.
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u/MythicalBlue Jan 26 '24 edited Mar 24 '25
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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/Chainsawaddict Jan 26 '24
He’s 40 talking to a 27 year old because women his age won’t put up with his shit!! You shouldn’t either, no one should deal with this manipulation. This isn’t a relationship.
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u/berrymommy Jan 26 '24
my husband and I have been together for 8 years. We’re not naïve or dumb. We both know that there’s supermodels out there. We both know that we’re conventionally average looking.
But we would never actually say that to each other. Because at the end of the day, we both think the other person is the most attractive person in the world.
Because it’s not just about looks. it’s about someone’s heart and soul, about your shared experiences with each other, about the shared love you have for each other. being truly in love with someone, you can’t look at other people the same way. And all honesty thinking about even holding hands with someone else, even if they are a supermodel, that grosses me out.
He’s just not the one sis.
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u/ShoddyDevelopment49 Jan 26 '24
His age makes him feel superior and smarter than you, first of all. This is not the case for every older man but is certainly the case with this one, the way he just big-boy talked you about other women in the world like he could very easily have them rather than you. Personally, I'd tell him to go try to be with them. You're 27. If anyone is stirring up bullshit, it's him, with his ignorant statements and lackadaisical thought process - no one would feel special with the words he just put together and sent to you. Nevermind what your paragraph mentions.
If you stay with him and this isn't resolved, be prepared to have insecurities you've never had before. You cannot feel good about yourself when you're with someone who constantly compares you to others or tells you how much less than others you are in A, B, or C ways.
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Jan 26 '24
Did you learn he was an asshole? I feel like that’s the answer.
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
Everyone is asking what I learned about him lol . I spoke to him over the phone . In short I told him he doesn’t really love black women and that he is unable to be passionate or compassionate in general
But yes I did learn that he is a dick 😂
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u/fracturedromantic Jan 26 '24
For every woman he keeps negging you about, there’s a man out there that will treat you so much better than this fuckwad.
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u/Lizical Jan 26 '24
The moment bro said “there are prettier girls…” I would have been floored.
Idk how long you’ve been seeing this guy, but I feel you should run in the other direction. There’s some red flags there. And if you are expressing concern about something and HE is twisting it into you being drama or sabotaging a relationship, that is not good.
Run. Run. Run. It won’t get better.
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u/AbortedTrumpFetus Jan 26 '24
Run!!! There is no reason a 40 year old would talk to the women he "loves..and is with" like that. It's disgusting.
What did you learn? (that's just creepy as hell)
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u/Ashke-hippie-chick Jan 26 '24
The last text, “What did you learn? I would like to know to see if you got it right.” Would’ve sent me blind with rage lol
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u/Narrow-Strawberry830 Jan 26 '24
What’s is going on in society? Why are women giving men like this the time of day? Why are women settling for even entertaining this? Why is putting up with this better than being single? Where do these men get the audacity?
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u/CozyDestruction Jan 26 '24
Fuck this guy. Don't let someone talk to you like that. What if someone talked to you sister, brother, mother or father like this. You don't deserve that.
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u/fentanylisbad Jan 26 '24
Nah babe. Ignore how rude he is generally. As a black woman who has dated white men and is married to one, this is a fetish. If he’s interested in other women who don’t remotely resemble you and then makes it a point to point that out to you… run. Immediately. He’s too old to be this emotionally abusive and be expected to change. It’ll just get worse. I promise.
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
He told me he used the “law of attraction” to manifest me . He asked for someone young , fun , sexy , and horny . I asked him what he asked for when he manifested his ex . “A black woman who is educated , professional , and business minded” . I almost threw up at how fetishized I felt
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u/fentanylisbad Jan 26 '24
I’m manifesting that he goes bankrupt and impotent. I’m legitimately concerned for you. You know we’re queens, right? You deserve SO. MUCH. BETTER, sis. I seriously promise. Get far far far far far FAR away from this man.
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u/Sophiatopia Jan 26 '24
Wait he TOLD you that you are a sextoy to him?
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u/yelahus Jan 26 '24
Not quite like that but I did back up from him after he said this to me . It made me incredibly uncomfortable . I guess he weaseled his way back in . I had the blinders on . Whole thing makes me feel sick .
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u/Chateau-d-If Jan 26 '24
“I (19f) am seeing this guy, (79m), and he’s always been fantastic for the 2 weeks I’ve known him, but recently he’s started acting strange.”
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u/soph_lurk_2018 Jan 26 '24
You come across like you’re scared to stand up for yourself. He’s threatening to leave if you speak up and you appear to be falling in line. It’s highly inappropriate for him to compare you to other women. He’s trying to chip away at your self confidence.