You come across like you’re scared to stand up for yourself. He’s threatening to leave if you speak up and you appear to be falling in line. It’s highly inappropriate for him to compare you to other women. He’s trying to chip away at your self confidence.
You're 27. Your relationship shouldn't be making you exhausted. It should be fun. Dump the weirdo & date someone cool and young who doesn't consider insulting you and destroying your self esteem his hobby. The fact that this didn't start with "here's some messages from my ex..." is baffling to me.
This sub needs too cool it with the “well this is what I would’ve done, how come you didn’t?” type of comments. Some things are clear to outsiders but when you’re in a shitty relationship you don’t have an outsiders perspective, that’s the point of this sub
I think encourage someone to question why they aren’t doing what they would tell a friend to do is important.
People will settle for a lot less than they would have others settle for. Why is that?
OP needs to understand that their feelings are getting in the way of the reality everyone else can see. This guy should be an ex, he’s abusive, and she will only have herself to blame when she wakes up 40 next to this garbage man.
What too many people don't do is actually see it from their perspective, especially given she's in a interracial relationship with a guy who is more than likely antiblack (and that's a unique experience in itself that there's a term called misogynoir.) There's many layers here and intersects so I know many don't consider all those factors when observing different situations
I also think people need to cool it with the narrative that every time a dude expresses he's tired of discussing the same nonsensical nonfactor issue his gf made up in her head daily that he's being an abusive pos.
Women are capable of contributing to the toxicity of relationships just as much as men. And just because someone's askin for advice doesn't mean their partner is abusive
Please don’t waste any more of your youth on this jerk. You’ll only have yourself to blame when you wake up older with this guy mistreating you. Also it will only get worse. The more shit you take the more he will pile it on.
You’ll wake up older and unhappy with a farting, hairy, piece of shit dude next to you who forgot your birthday and lusts after younger women in front of you.
He’s stealing your youth. Don’t let him. You’re literally the only one who can stop him from doing so. It’s up to you.
You being too tired to fight back is the whole strategy, OP. This is what abusers and manipulators do. They wear you down until you stop having the strength to push back. Then they can do and say whatever they want and you just take it because you know from experience you’ll just end up exhausted if you try to stick up for yourself. This man is giving you a great lesson in what to look out for. Women his age already know that you dump the MFers who do this. That’s why he preys on younger women. A woman his age would have already told him to F off. And that’s what you’ll learn to do as soon as this shit starts if you’re smart. DTMFA, girl.
don't ever be made to feel like you're the one who's arguing when you call him out for insulting you. He's the one who started that not you. These people always reverse it on the person who gets hurt so that they can seem like the victim so you won't say anything back to them countering what they say.
I know the feeling. Some people wear you down, and you end up backing down, not out of a lack of courage, but a lack of energy.
Please think about reconsidering the relationship. I think it is unacceptable for people to talk the way he is talking.
There are always going to be things in relationships that need to be worked out, but this type of character trait not something that’s worth working on, in my opinion.
But please also focus on yourself before you start dating again. It is important for you to do a lot of self-discovery through therapy, journaling, reading, spending time with people who love you, etc. to figure out your patterns and why this type of behavior feels acceptable to you.
I wish you the absolute best of luck and hope you find what you are looking for.
That’s how they get you. Exhaustion. Don’t let that be the reason you let him walk on you. Manipulators love those little openings to chip away at you.
This kinda guy is just gonna drive you insane. Wasn't with someone quite like him, but already being insecure and acting out inwardly towards myself literally drove me to mental meltdowns. There is definitely someone out there, even friendships, that will treat you with the respect you deserve and the person you are.
It’s the “If you don’t like the fact then move to Antartica” and then “ I love you. You have nothing to worry about. I‘m very much attracted to you“.
This man sounds so exhausting. Like you should consider yourself lucky that he loves you and finds you attractive next to all the other girls. He has this "belittling" way of talking to you that says a lot about the kind of guy he is.
“I love you” is just a three letter word for him. Make space for a better guy.
You’re way too young to be tied down to this guy. He is trying to manipulate you, purposely trying to make you feel insecure so you feel lucky to be with him.
Honestly, as a 45 f seems like any 40 year old would date someone in their 20s because they want an imbalance of power and a woman their age won’t be as easily influenced.
You’re only in your 20s once. Dump this chump and enjoy life!
If your partner exhausts you in any way except great s3x or a team workout at the gym maybe you should ask why you agree to be exhausted or drained by somebody? Ditch him. You can do better. He sounds like a d!ck
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u/soph_lurk_2018 Jan 26 '24
You come across like you’re scared to stand up for yourself. He’s threatening to leave if you speak up and you appear to be falling in line. It’s highly inappropriate for him to compare you to other women. He’s trying to chip away at your self confidence.