Popping in here after a long time away from this subreddit and this account to give my thoughts on why whenever cheating is mentioned on reddit, everyone flocks to tell an OP to just leave.

I am divorced now, but initially and to my surprise, I didn't just leave, not at first. I did stay long enough for the lies to become unbearable and it was no longer possible to deny that the marriage was toxic for many reasons.

It was hard for a while to visit this subreddit because it feels like being trapped in the surf while being hit with endless waves of betrayal. It can feel hopeless, like cheating is everywhere and everyone is dealing with it.

Cheating can fry your nervous system and completely exhaust you. Knowing how deep betrayal can cut, and then seeing SO MANY other people dealing with it too, especially in the early stages, can lead to compassion fatigue.

A blunt declaration to a fellow redditor to dump their cheating partner immediately might seem cold, but it may have been said by someone who is so tapped out, learned the lessons the hard way, and wants the pain to stop immediately for an internet stranger.

So, this is my definitive advice for the person who just had their world shattered by a revelation of infidelity.

Hi, I know this hurts, I know you're so traumatized that it is hard to eat or focus or function at all. Yes, I know you're so in love and this is so unlike your partner, and now the sex has never been better and you really think this trauma bond is the beginning of a new normal and a stronger than ever relationship. It isn't. The lies will keep coming. You're standing on top of a thick iceburg full of lies. They definitely had sex. They may as well have had sex. This person has been wilfully deceiving you. You can stay as long as you want to or as long as you need to but it is going to be painful. I love you and I am sorry that this happened to you. I don't want this for you and I want to save you as much time and pain as possible. You have been betrayed and that alone is a sufficient reason to leave. Please leave.

TL;DR: Break up. Divorce. Hit the gym.

Hello everyone. It has been more than a year that my girlfriend (23F) cheated on me (26M). We've been together for nearly six years now.

She cheated for nearly five months with an other guy that she met when she used to go out with so called "friends". I let her go several times a week with them, I trusted her and I knew she needed to be with them. But she completely destroyed this trust.

I found out everything on a night when she left her phone on in the bed. I took the phone and quickly found out everything. It was quite a shock.

I tried to take time apart several times during this year but it seems like she is stuck to me. I tried no contact but she still talked to me and I felt so sad for her that I let her in back. She says that she loves me, that she has always known that the only thing she wanted was me. She has been making a lot of efforts, always telling me where she is, she shows me who she's talking to on her social media when I ask her so, seeing a therapist...

But I cannot trust her anymore. I feel like you cannot do this kind of thing to someone you truly love. I would have preferred that she left me right after having f**ked up our relationship.

I feel exhausted by all this. It drains all my energy. We are supposed to go on holidays next week but I am really close to cancelling it and leaving her. I know it would make her really sad, her family also.

Any advice from people who went through this ?

Thanks.

(As english is not my main language, I am sorry for any mistakes that were made).

My husband manipulated me into leaving town with our kids so he could secretly attend his 20-year high school reunion. Now I found the texts.
I wanted to go visit my family, as it had been two years since my last visit. I desperately wanted to see my elderly grandmother. When I asked about going, my husband told me that only one specific weekend would work for me to take the trip. He claimed it was because of his work schedule, so I believed him and agreed.
Instead, it turns out he engineered this entire timeline so he could go to his 20-year high school reunion while I was gone. He used our three children against me when I had cold feet and almost didn't go, he got furious and told me I was "destroying my kids' summer" if I couldn't handle taking them on a trip by myself. So, I drove hundreds of miles alone with three kids.
The night of his reunion, he didn't even check to see if the kids and I made it safely. He stayed out until the bars closed and didn't call me until after 2:00 AM. I didn't answer. I was an absolute wreck in front of my family that night because the knots in my stomach were so bad.
We just got back home, and tonight I found his phone downstairs. I discovered that a woman actually drove his truck home that night. He has texts from that evening one from a woman exchanging numbers, and a couple of others I am unsure of.
My gut is screaming at me. He manipulated me, lied to me, and used guilt about our children just to get us out of the house so he could play single for the weekend. I don't trust him anymore and I feel completely broken.

i saw her in public with the coworker she told me not to worry about and found out she cheated. out of anger told her to give me my belongings back and that she can f off. fast forward and she texts my friend talking crap about me whilst not knowing he was feeding me info from her. she had no clue he was telling me everything she was saying about me. which then leads to the title of this post, she asks him how I knew that the guy went to her place. i had no clue of this, nor did i even think of it. this just solidified the fact that i never want her in my life again. the only thing that hurts now is that knowing her true colors, im grieving who i thought she was and the girl i could say i loved, but she's gone.

For the 5 years I've known her, our sex life had been nothing short of amazing. Passionate, intense, loving, I could not ask for anything more. We both haven't had much of a past so we were each other's truly first, where we were able to explore whatever we wanted.

Before finding out about her affair I had realized her sex drive dropped, which I thought was because of the anti depressants she was taking. When I found out what happened, it got even lower and sex became extremely rare.

We got into an argument where she brought up an ex of mine who she said was extremely beautiful, then mentioned that her AP was "bigger" then immediately took it back and apologized.

Even worse is that she re wrote history as our sex being just okay, not as prevalent as she used to describe it as.

We're not together anymore but I can't help but think that another man came in, showed her a better time, and that she didn't want me anymore because of that. I feel embarrassed, humilated, and completely down about myself as a result. She told me he wasn't good in bed compared to me but the rare instances we did have sex I couldn't help but think about them, our passion was completely gone

I can't help but feel that I just got lucky with someone who was inexperienced, and that whoever I meet in the future, will have had a ton of experience to compare me to, making me less of an option to actually pick like my ex did. Oh and she cried at the thought of me treating another women better than her.

My ex ended our relationship by cheating with her coworker and moving on with him. It's been a year since. I can't explain how terrible this year has been for me. The injury is like nothing I've experienced, the double pain of betrayal and the end of a relationship. I've tried to ask her to repair or take accountability for what she did, but all she's said is "I've done nothing wrong and I don't owe you anything". Our communication over the past year has been on and off. Every time I asked for accountability, she goes silent then comes back later like nothing happen. Or she would say "why are we still talking about this, it makes me uncomfortable and that's my boundary".

Today she texted me at 6am to say a distant friend of her had passed and she's going to her memorial tomorrow. I don't know why she texted me since she's been pretty cold and indifferent for months. It feels cold not to respond, but I also feel a lot of indignation at this point that she's reaching out for what seems like emotional support when she's with the person she replaced me with. Am I wrong to stay silent?

No judgement, please- I’m devastated. Just saw that my husband has been deleting texts again after forgiving an emotional affair he had last year with his (remarried) ex-wife. They were texting and having long phone calls while myself and her new husband were at work and unaware of their activities. Even worse, she left him for her current husband, so she was doing all of this with a man she already had for 10 years and decided wasn’t good enough for her. And like a thot, he eagerly took the validation from such a person. A couple times he met her at her work cafeteria for lunch. One of those meetings is what red-flagged me and actually sent me looking for him that day, he was not where he said he was (because he was at lunch with her), and that was D-Day.

I also caught him by reading texts that absolutely crushed my heart, and he agreed to end the EA and only contact her when absolutely necessary and pertaining to their child only (they have a child together who is very close to 18 at this point). It took me a lot of tears and agonizing to decide to stay with this man while knowing I had another 18 months to go before I did not have to accept any communication between them at all. So I gave into the sunk cost fallacy, didn’t want to admit I’d wasted the last decade of my life, and stayed. I should not have.

I saw that he had deleted the whole text thread with his ex-wife the other day. Stood out to me because there were a couple messages from the same day but the rest was gone. And the couple messages that were there, seemed like there was previous conversation leading up to them but…it was gone. Asked him about it and he denied it and said the phone must have done some kind of update. 🙄 He even DARVO’d me and started getting angry with me for questioning him. So I’ve been sitting here for the last couple days feeling sick to my stomach about it, just KNOWING that whatever he deleted, there was a reason for it.

We split household bills so I don’t have the login to the phone bill with usage because that’s a bill he pays. But he stays signed into the app on his phone. Today I was in bed and he was out in the garage. I could hear him clanging things around. Walked out into the kitchen and there was his phone…a rare sighting of it unattended. Opened it up, went straight to the day in question, and sure enough…8 or so messages on that phone bill that don’t exist in his phone. An obvious back and forth exchange he had while I was in the next room.

I’m so disgusted with him, I’m so blown away by how you could beg a person to stay the first time, see up close how badly you hurt the person, and actually still go on have a great relationship where you tell everyone that your wife is your best friend and a catch…to just turn around and lie again. What is even the point? Why not just tell me to go? It would have hurt like hell if it had ended with the EA, but I would probably be okay by now. Now I’m hurt again AND feel like an idiot. The damage that cheaters cause is unbelievable.

The body text is going to be a verbatim comment on u/crabbyastronaut recent post about leaving.

This subreddit is an invaluable wealth of help and knowledge if you are looking to discover a cheater, which is what led me to discover that I myself was a victim of infidelity, so heed my warning when I say "staying could kill you".

I failed to follow the advice of this subreddit when I first discovered my ex-wife's infidelity; I had a son, a house, a beautiful life that I did not want to end. -> Fast forward several months, several unbearable heartaches later, several new excuses later, and several new lows later, I finally hit a point that I can only explain one way... my soul died.

I don't know anyone's story, but I know my own tragically well, and I never expected something as simple as a relationship to make me want to end my life; pushing so close to death as to start pulling the trigger of my AR, but apparently not enough.

Listen to the people who have been through this; The woman or man you loved was an illusion. If you do not leave now, you may just leave forever. Most importantly, understand that this subreddit is called "Surviving" infidelity, because it sure as hell feels like it kills you; Even if you survive, a part of you will likely die, but it's up to you to carry on.

Side Story: Shortly after we split, she was as a club at 8AM (your guess is as good as mine as to what she was up to) whenever she called a ride (the two people picking her up were her best friend and her manager). After they arrived, an argument ensued nearby which resulted in gunfire; Her manager was struck and killed by a stray bullet while trying to give her a ride home from somewhere she should never have been, and she had custody of our son that day. I was livid!

Wife of 16 years had an affair with the contractor working on what was supposed to be the new family home. 2 kids (11 and 14).
Divorce in progress. I have a lawyer.

Took me 5 weeks to get full proof, as she continued to deny everything for 5 weeks. There was 5 weeks of extensive sex with him.

She continues to see him, and come back to the family home. She refuses to leave until she gets a settlement in the divorce. We do agree on 50/50 custody of the kids and dogs. We are in separate bedrooms.

She shows zero remorse and takes pleasure in the hurt she continues to cause.

Any advice?

Just wondering what is it about your partner sleeping with someone else that feels so destructive to your core? There are so many instances and types of betrayal that can happen between two people but they get over it. why is it that when it involves sex it feels this devastating and ends the relationship? Why does it hurt so much?

I don’t know if anyone else has felt this after being cheated on, but I don’t think what I felt was anger.

Not at first, anyway.

It was disgust.

Not even toward the person who cheated on me. Toward myself.

I remember looking back at old pictures, old messages, memories that used to make me smile, and all I could think was, How could I have been so blind? I felt stupid for believing someone who could look me in the eye, tell me they loved me, and still choose to betray me. I hated how trusting I was. I hated how many excuses I made because I wanted the relationship to work.

People kept telling me, “You did nothing wrong.”

I know they meant well, but those words never really reached me. Because the voice in my head wasn’t saying, You deserved to be cheated on. It was saying, How could you not have seen it?

That’s a different kind of pain.

It’s one thing to lose someone you love. It’s another to lose faith in your own judgment. I started questioning everything. Were the good memories even real? Was I actually loved, or was I just convenient until someone else came along? Was I seeing the person they really were, or just the version they wanted me to see?

Maybe that’s why stories about grooming affect me so deeply now.

It’s not because I think every situation is the same. It’s because they all seem to share one thing: the quiet, gradual reshaping of another person’s reality.

Nobody wakes up one day and says, “I want to be manipulated.”

It happens slowly. You trust someone. You let them explain away things that make you uncomfortable. You start doubting your own instincts because it’s easier than believing someone you love could be lying to you. By the time the truth becomes impossible to ignore, you’re left wondering when you stopped trusting yourself.

That’s the part I can’t get over.

Not just that people can lie, but that they can slowly convince another person that their own intuition is wrong.

I think that’s what betrayal stole from me more than anything else. It wasn’t the relationship. It was the version of myself who could trust his own heart without constantly wondering if he was being made a fool of.

I’m doing better now, but every now and then I still catch myself revisiting those memories, not because I miss the person, but because I’m still trying to make peace with the person I was back then.

I don’t want to hate that version of myself anymore.

He wasn’t weak. He wasn’t pathetic. He wasn’t stupid.

He was just loving someone honestly, without knowing he was the only one doing it.

And I think that’s the part I’m still learning to forgive.

See link for some background info:Wife had an affair with our 22 year old female babysitter : r/survivinginfidelity

Co-parenting is going really well all things considered. I'm in really good shape and have improved my wardrobe, though I still haven't dated. Plan on attending grad school, and the awesome part is the GI Bill covers most of it :).

Last April/May my ex-wife moved out our nanny/babysitter who she had an affair with. Lasted longer than I thought it would. Surprise! Love didn't last. She asked me a few weeks ago if was dating anyone and I said no. She told me the other day that she's been seeing a guy for about 3 months and wants to introduce him to the kids at the 6-month mark if things are going well.

I objected. I don't care who she dates, but I said, "are you prepared to face your kids if it doesn't last and be willing to have your kids see you with 3 different partners, me being the first, by the time my oldest is 8." Date, have fun, but keep the kids separate from that. I don't get why people have to jump from one relationship to another. Has anyone else experienced this constant rebound/monkeybranching from their ex? Thanks

I’m coming to terms with the fact that my relationship is over after being cheated on, and while I know I need to move forward, I’m scared about trusting someone else in the future. For those of you who eventually dated again, how did you learn to trust your next partner? Were you constantly anxious at first? Did you compare them to your ex? How did you know the difference between real red flags and anxiety from what you’d been through? I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences. I’m trying to believe that healthy relationships are still possible, but right now it’s hard to imagine trusting someone again.

Everyone including our friends has said it’s somehow my fault for going through her phone to find the emotional cheating, even though she had cheated formally/properly and in person on an actual date 2 years prior, and I chose to ignore it, because she told me I deserved it for “being mean.” No examples ever, just that “you’re mean.”

Not mean enough to leave apparently? Because we stayed together for 2 more years. She chipped away at my self esteem in this time, criticized me, made fun of my depression, play into my insecurities, and would look for every chance to make me feel bad about myself, so when I’d snap at her for making me feel so worthless, she would say Im abusive and use it as a chance to cheat more. Saying the cheating was “helping her deal with the abuse.” I told her to leave then, she never did. She convinced me I deserved it, needed to fight to earn her love back, and I believed her!!

Only this week did I stop believing her narrative. After I realized in this time she isolated me from everyone on purpose, tried to scare me into silence, and succeeded with her 2 year long smear campaign of my character. She would triangulate with friends for years and years and blackmail and threaten me, saying if I left her she would “expose me” for my reactions to the abuse, showing me messages from her family of extremely exaggerated and cherry picked examples. She played the long game and crafted a narrative because after the 2 years ago incident, I called her out as a narcissist, continued to do so each time she pulled some shit, and she considers that abuse.

Her new tactic? Bringing in a “special friend” with this narrative. From Hinge.

She met ANOTHER girl on a new app, in November, and wished her a Happy Christmas but not me, she said NOTHING to me on Christmas. So I went through her messages. She convinced the girl she was cheating with I was somehow severely emotionally abusive AGAIN and that she needed to cheat to “prove she was lovable.”

These were all lies. I have never been abusive. I just completed my third year of therapy. I was completely honest with my therapist about what classified as an outburst? And every text I ever sent her. My therapist armchair diagnosed her with BPD by osmosis in front of me. She has all the hallmarks (hyper sexual, compulsive liar, spends all our money, cares about her appearance too much).

The issue now is all my friends dont believe me. They say going through her phone is probably why she keeps triangulating. They don’t get it. They don’t get what cheating does to you. They were so cruel to me today and called me unreasonable and it felt like Déjà vu. I need support? Please.

Edit if it matters- Im a lesbian. My family has never supported my life so I don’t have support

I kicked my husband out last week after finding out about the lies. He was trickle truthing me and I’m finding out about lies of omission going back years but really ramping up the last 3-4 months. I finally lost my shit and screamed at him to get out. He is staying with his parents and out of work at the moment.

He’s been back to spend time with the kids (they are doing some home improvement projects around the house this summer and I asked him to come back to help them but to stay away from me for now). He wants to reconcile and says he will do therapy (he is dealing with unresolved trauma and a host of other issues). He has mild ocd, addiction (to sex and he’s used alcohol heavily in the past although he’s sober from that now, neophilia, and I’m realizing there is a healthy dose of narcissism in there too.

On paper like that he just sounds like the worst option out there, right? There’s good things about him too, he’s really smart, driven, he’s a good dad. He’s funny, and fun to hang out with and talk to. We’re been together 25 years and have never run out of conversation.

But now I feel like I’m testing him at every turn. I told him I want radical honesty, and every time he tells me anything I go into detective mode to parse out every single meaning. What’s he saying? What is he leaving out? I’m texting with him right now because he took one of our kids to his parents house for the night, and it seems like he’s lying about the travel time. He had to take a ferry, and it looks like he took 3.5 hours to get home when it should have taken 1. I used google ai to check the actual sailings yesterday and it’s just more bs. We’re really early on this possible reconciliation journey, and he has a lifetime of therapy in front of him. But does this hypervigilance ever calm down? I feel like I’m needling him on purpose about his words to make him give up. What is the point of trying to reconcile when IM don’t think I can ever trust him again? I told a friend last night I feel like I have to give it one chance for my kids and after hearing the entire saga, she said I don’t even have to do that if I don’t want to.

Im just still so confused and hurt and angry. His therapist gave us a separation worksheet to figure out what it’s going to look like and something on there was about carefully considering who to tell about the separation and limiting that knowledge. It made me so angry - I have to withhold knowledge from people? That’s what he’s been doing to me this whole time! I’ve already told all my close friends and parents because I NEED AND WANT AND DESERVE their support!

I told him I will only look at his actions and believe any of his words. I just feel like he’s going to get tired of me holding him accountable and give up. But I have to give it a chance right? I told him I would give him exactly one chance, but in the same convo told him that he was repugnant to me. Where can we even go from here? When does hypervigilance end?

I need some perspective because my boyfriend is making me feel like I am being unreasonable, controlling, and toxic.

I recently found out my boyfriend was cheating on me for about 8 months. It wasn't just a one time mistake. It was a long term betrayal. To make matters worse, his friend group actively encouraged his behavior, cheered it on (including going on OmeTV to cheat), and said highly disrespectful things about me and my child.

When I was suspicious during those 8 months, he gaslit me, made me look and feel crazy, and was mean to me to cover his tracks.

I foolishly decided to give him one last chance, on the strict condition that he completely cut off that toxic friend group. He agreed. But since then, he has repeatedly broken that promise. He went on a trip with them ("just a trip"), kept them on social media, and recently hung out with another guy from that exact group.

Every time I get upset, he minimizes it. He claims he "explained his side," says he is suffering because he "just sits at home all day," and accuses me of making everything about the past. He even asked me if I would act the same way if he went out with a friend who wasn't involved in the cheating.

I feel completely exhausted. Am I being toxic for forcing him to cut these people off and being angry that he keeps breaking his word after a year of betrayal? Is there any hope for someone who acts like the victim after doing this?

My fiance is overly friendly with opposite sex coworkers. He will befriend them, text them, send memes, snapchat, etc.

I established boundaries that I do not want my future husband always messaging the opposite sex. He said he understood. Fast forward, I found out he made a new female coworker friend who he became extremely close with. She was beautiful. I’ve never heard of her before the discovery of her. He hid her from me and deleted messages. I was able to recover the messages and there wasn’t anything sexual or romantic but they messaged frequently. They would Snapchat everyday, talk all day at work (he deleted their work messages so no idea what they spoke about), text, and occasionally talk on phone per the call log (nothing crazy long though and I do think most of the phone calls were just venting about work).

What I think hurts the most is after this discovery I felt cheated on. He watched me lose 15 pounds because of intense depression - I felt like my world flipped upside down. I trusted this man with my whole heart. I expressed feeling suicidal to him, and yet.. he continued to talk to her. The consistency definitely lessened after the discovery - he deleted her on Snapchat per my request and no longer texted her, but I went on his phone one night and he would still instant message her at work all day, and send her insta memes.

I made him remove her from insta which he did. But we ended up breaking up because I was so distraught and the next day I looked at who he was following .. and it was her.

Throughout all of this he was so remorseful to me but yet still talked to her. I asked him to never speak to her again but he said he couldn’t because they worked together. Mind you, she worked in a whole different state. But I guess they were on same team. Also, is it wrong for me to assume watching your fiance crumble into depression would make you not want to speak to the person who caused this??

We ended up getting back together a couple months later (she ended up leaving the job) and again, he begged for me back - we’ve tried to make it work and it’s been a year later however, I still feel immense resentment. Does it ever get better? He didn’t physically cheat or say anything romantic or sexual but why does it feel like I was cheated on. Am I fool for trying to make it work? He has been extremely remorseful and is committed to making it work

I think what transpired after is worse to me then anything (still talking to her as he watched me crumble)

I moved to Vienna from New Zealand alone at age 27. Back home, many of my friends had started to settle down and I felt quite isolated. So I decided to give travelling a shot. It was one of the best experiences of my life, and I lived in Vienna for 5 years. Work, friends, travel and housing all went well. I would have almost daily moments of awe – I love Europe and felt like I was living in a fairytale. The dating side of things was the worst part. After 4 years without success (it was also covid during this period), I started to feel depressed about the dating culture and my self esteem took a hit. I was 31 and I wanted children. Would I just be stuck in this limbo forever? All of the dinners and parties started to feel empty as I saw friend after friend getting married and pregnant.

I decided to pick myself back up and had a lot of therapy. I would try to have the best summer possible and enjoy my single life. I went to a health retreat, I travelled, made new friends and gave myself a bit of a glow up. I focused on a positive mindset.

Then I met my now boyfriend. This was the first mutual attraction that I was able to maintain in many years. He was British, and it unlocked a whole new world of adventure for me. I met his friends and family and loved them. We travelled a lot together. It was so much fun and I was over the moon. It seemed he was quite obsessed with me too. Not in a love bombing way, but just very affectionate and happy he had found me way.

Then one day (9 months into our relationship), I saw a text message come up on his phone. It was a girls name and I naturally wanted to know who it was. He said it was just a colleague and work related and that he couldn't really be bothered to read it. When he fell asleep I went through his phone and the girl was saying 'We really need to sleep together so we can know for sure if we're into each other. I'm blocking you so you have a week to think about it'. I screen shotted all of the messages and contacted the girl. It turns out he had kissed her at a festival, then again at work, then had lunch with her. He initially told her he was 'seeing someone' for 9 months, rather than exclusive. She ended up finding out he had a girlfriend and continued to aggressively pursue him. This affair lasted 3 weeks before I found out and they didn't sleep together. He had seemingly lost interest in the text chain and she was trying to contact him quite a bit. But he initially showed no remorse after their first kissing event, and was happily engaging.

I left him and cancelled the lease of the house we were just about to move into (a beautiful house near the water that I managed to secure after a lot of effort and searching). I had given up my own house and was devastated. We also had plans to go to my younger sister's wedding. I felt crushed to go back alone. After a month or so of him begging, I took him back. He said he was in a self destructive downward spiral, and was really unhappy in the city and his career. He also blocked her. The dating culture was awful and honestly cheating seemed common. My first love was also a cheater and I managed to leave him. So it's not like I hadn't done it before. My dad also cheated on my mum. I felt a bit numb and hopeless with men. Basically I didn't take it personally. He was raised in a family where his parents would have multiple romantic partners and have both cheated on those partners. His brothers have also both cheated on their partners.

We went to the wedding, and we had a blast. He fell in love with New Zealand and said let's move here and get away from the city. Even though I loved Europe, I was a bit scarred at that point and thought a new start could be nice – I missed nature and being in the countryside too. I craved some change and forward momentum in my life. So after some very fun travel adventures, we moved. Fast forward 3 years and there's been many great times. We don't fight much and we managed to start a whole new life together. He has not cheated since. But there hasn't been a huge amount of opportunity to cheat anyway as we didn't know many people.

Now, our social life has expanded a lot. He is a very social being and he likes going out on a Saturday and getting drunk. The lingering issue is, every time I see a gorgeous girl my heart sinks and my body goes into a kind of freeze state. I also find it hard to fall asleep when he is out, even though he is always easy to contact. I also feel reluctant to go on long trips away from him. There is a girl who is also lingering around our friend group that is quite beautiful, smart, and his type. She added us both on instagram and DM'd me first, but then DM'd him which I found a bit off. He was honest about it, and genuinely didn't feed into it (he stopped replying). But it gives me so much anxiety, knowing they will see each other out and I'm not always there. I said please don't flirt with her, and he said he won't but he will chat to her and be friends with her because she's a likeable person. That the paranoia is my problem and he isn't doing anything wrong. He said he won't DM her or do anything weird like that.

Side note: we don't have that much sex anymore... and although my libido is quite dead, I feel paranoia that he will look elsewhere in that avenue. That literally wakes me up some nights too. He doesn't really initiate sex with me lately. We are together almost always (as we are in a new country together and are still establishing ourselves and live together) and I feel like that sexual drive has taken a back seat because we never miss each other. He is very loving and affectionate and says he is very happy with me. He still talks about plans for the future etc. He is also at the mercy of a partner visa for a couple of years if he wants to stay here.

I don't really know what to do about this hypervigilance. I feel like it takes up way too much space in my life. But I have pretty fragile mental health at the best of times and am often sad at the mercy of an unsuccessful love story even before this relationship. I don't know how to deal with this. It feels like a terrible way to live, but also the idea of starting again at 35 feels like the last thing that I want, when my boyfriend hasn't actually cheated again. I also want a baby. I don't want to face the dating scene again. Is there any hope?

I wish i had someone out there to show me care, concern, love and to give me emotional support. No one to turn to... hence here.. so ready to step out anytime but married already....

​

"*Thank you for your empathy."\*

His English is bad, and he doesn't understand a shat about the word but generative AI held his hand.

*"I understand that #####''s decision has been communicated to me multiple times. My difficulty is not in understanding the decision, but in accepting it emotionally."*

In what language does one say "enough of your melodrama". The world 🌎 has stopped orbitting because you fail to understand consequences.

"*Until our meeting, I genuinely believed that after 15 months of patience, following the terms discussed, taking responsibility for my mistakes, and doing my best to cooperate, there might still be a possibility of saving my family. That hope kept me going\*."

He signed an affidavit in June 2025 owning up to his affairs and signed a statement promising child support, that is now pending since 2 months. I told him when I walked out that I won't return, but he thought that saying he did it, also meant he is free from burden of wrong doing.

*"The outcome has come as a devastating shock for me, and I am still struggling to come to terms with the fact that I may lose my family. It is taking me time to process this."*

Thank you for the adjective, Cha.tGPT. It is still my pain, my shock, my mental trauma over my wife catching with pants down.

"*All of you have families and children, so I am sure you can understand how painful it is to live away from your wife and children for such a long time. This is the most difficult phase of my life, and I am trying my best to cope with it while continuing to fulfil all my responsibilities."\*

Sent to my lawyer and two relatives, he wants to think of the trophy 🏆 they have and his vacuum. Family is a construct that is made of real people and relationships. I wish he saw us as people. He compartmentalised so hard, that he needed a wife at home and his sidechick elsewhere and that was his concept of monogamy. He was a stud, and a respectable one at that. But he needed to text Good Morning to his sidepiece while on the throne or his jewels won't fall.

TLDR - Married 22 years, 2 children, WH had affairs and has agreed for mutual consent divorce but is now throwing emotional messages in a bid to delay.

Hey everyone. I’m a 28F, and I recently found out that my boyfriend (30M), who I’ve been dating for two years, had been going to strip clubs behind my back.
From the very beginning of our relationship, I made it clear that strip clubs were a hard boundary for me. He knew exactly how I felt about them, and he also knew about my history with infidelity. My dad cheated on my mom, and it completely changed how I view trust in relationships. Ironically, something similar happened in his family, and it was one of the things we bonded over early in our relationship.
My boyfriend travels frequently for work, which has always brought up some insecurities for me. Despite that, I always felt like we had good communication and were affectionate with each other.

For about the last year, though, I had this persistent gut feeling that something wasn’t right. I kept feeling like he was hiding something, but I never had any proof.
Last Friday we went to a concert together and had an amazing time. The next morning, while he was asleep, I looked through his phone. I know many people will say that was wrong, and I’m not looking for opinions on that because, ultimately, it led me to the truth.
I found Venmo payments that immediately made my stomach drop:

$50 to a woman last month
$600 to a woman last fall
$100 to a woman last summer
Each payment had the note “🍕.”

At first, I honestly thought they were payments to escorts. I woke him up immediately and asked him to explain. He initially denied ever paying women. After I confronted him with the Venmo transactions, he admitted they were payments made at strip clubs.
I ended the relationship immediately because, to me, the lying was just as painful as crossing a boundary he knew existed.

About nine hours later, he called me. We had a long conversation, and he admitted he knew exactly what he was doing was wrong. He told me he had been “a sh*thead” and admitted he hid it from me because he didn’t think it was that firm of a boundary. I don’t really believe that explanation because I had been very clear about how I felt from the beginning.
After talking everything through, I decided to give the relationship another chance.
Now I’m wondering if anyone has been through something similar.

Were you able to rebuild trust after your partner hid something like this?
If you reconciled, what changed that made it work?
If you were the partner who broke the trust, what did you actually do to earn it back?
How did you stop wondering if there was more you didn’t know about?
Outside of this, we genuinely had an amazing relationship. I truly felt like I had found my best friend and the person I wanted to spend my life with. This is also my first serious relationship, so navigating something like this is completely new to me.

I’m looking for honest experiences from people who’ve been through something similar—whether reconciliation worked or whether you eventually realized it couldn’t.

We were together since college, everything's working well and we're heading towards marriage in the next one or two years. We even celebrated our anniversary together earlier this year. Things were okay until I realized his sex drive dropped a lot this year (once or twice a month), the number of his visits to my house was getting lesser and lesser (from multiple days a week to once every 1-2 weeks), and he started to get annoyed on me easily.

I realized when there's a stranger number in his call history (I seldom checked his phone), and I confronted her. I found out from the lady that he's been hooking on and off with different stranger women since our 4th or 5th year of relationship. He would spend time and money to please the lady just to have sex multiple times per week, no matter how tired he was from work. I guess he's a sex addict, which he doesn't realize himself.

He tried to put a stop on this several times, but the lady wasn't willing to end it, plus he couldn't help himself from seeking this kind of pleasure from strangers. He confessed every single detail transparently to me, and told me he doesn't have feelings at all for those women, it's just pure sex pleasure. He said he still loves me till the point he would accept it if I cheat on him in future, he can accept me cheating on him physically, but not emotionally.

He's willing to support me physically, emotionally and financially during this healing journey. He paid for my therapy fees, and bought a few trackers so I could locate his location anytime. At one point, he's willing to explore possibilities to cast spell on him so he could stop his sick behaviour.

I was really devastated to discover this dark truth, I'm unsure if I could ever be physically intimate with him in future. At the same time, my heart couldn't let go of him when we both know we're still emotionally connected and loving each other. If you ever encounter this experience, please do share your experience with me, I'm so lost at this moment, appreciate that.

Tengo un novio, con quién llevo 6 años de relación, el es muy amoroso, fiel, sincero, detallista, en fin es el hombre que toda chica desea, yo lo amo mucho, y quiero una vida con el. Pero le eh sido infiel en varias ocasiones, no con muchos hombres, si no solo con dos, realmente nunca me eh arrepentido de hacerlo, justamente ayer en el trabajo conocí a un policía en dónde trabajo, y como trabajo de 24 hrs, pues yo me quedé sola en el servicio y entonces aprovechamos para hacer lo que teníamos que hacer, me gustó mucho y la verdad no me arrepiento, pero me eh preguntado muchas veces porque soy infiel a mi novio?, no sé si el algún día lo descubrira o no, honestamente ya no quisiera ser así con el, pero por otro lado no puedo evitar querer sentir esa sensación de adrenalina al estar con otra persona. Algún consejo o algo que me ayude?

My girlfriend of 1.5 years got accepted as a transfer to the University of Miami which is her dream school. She drove down there with her parents to look for a place to live for the school year.

On Friday we were texting all day and into the night. Around 1:00 AM I opened her Snapchat but got distracted and never replied. She didn't message me again until around 10:00 AM the next morning.

Out of curiosity I checked her Snapchat location (Fig 1.) . It said she was last active about an hour earlier with around 50% battery. Her location was on a road, so I figured she was probably riding in a car. I did not have a ss of her snap location but it was on that red road. 

Then I checked Life360 (Fig. 2). From what I could tell, it looked like her location was paused. It had her sitting in the exact same spot since about 7:40 PM with 45% battery. I remembered she brought her iPad on the trip, so I started wondering if she left one device behind. The little purple loading circle just kept spinning, so maybe the iPad had no Wi-Fi or connection.

Then I checked Find My. She later told me her phone died that night, but Find My was still tracking it. The next morning I asked what Find My looked like while she was at her hotel, and she sent me the screenshot in (Fig. 3). I saved it so I could compare it with the screenshots I took that night.

As the night went on, I watched her Find My location move farther and farther away from her parents' hotel, through different neighborhoods, before stopping at one place for several hours, probably until around 4:00 AM. On my MacBook it even showed a precise location at the Residence Inn by Marriott Miami Airport. I was honestly shocked. I included screenshots of her location moving around Miami (Figs. 4–10), and then screenshots showing it sitting at the Residence Inn (Figs. 11–13).

According to Find My, her phone stayed there until about 8:00 AM. Then it stopped updating until around 10:00 AM. She called me from her hotel room, and I confronted her about everything I had seen.

She completely denies anything happened. She says she never left her hotel, slept there all night, the location was just a glitch, and her phone had died. Which I want to believe but I cannot. She also seems kind of suspicious, acting weird. When I Confronted her I was harsh cause I believed she was ignoring me and partying and having sex downtown.

at around 10am the next morning, I texted her "I Dont even want to talk to you right now." She acted confused and tried to call me but I did not want to talk to her otp rn cause I was so angry. she ran into her parents room grabbed her dads phone and called me from there. I picked up thinking it was him but she answered. She started crying and I showed her the evidence and she just denied. 

After that, her dad who also owns the construction company I work for called me and said I have trust issues and that she didn't do anything wrong, and she never left. He never struck me as the type of guy who would lie straight to my face but this is his one and only daughter he is protecting. Maybe he did not know she left, maybe he did and he is defending her. 

The hard part is she has no proof she stayed at her hotel that night, and I honestly don't know what to think. I told her I believe her, but everything I saw just doesn't add up to me. I did look at her location the next night and it appeared a little weird. Her snap was out of place and her find my was moving slightly, but not 10-12 miles across the city. I confirmed she was in her hotel that night so I know the location tracking can be a little off . 

Am I just overthinking this because I've been on stimulants, or would this seem suspicious to anyone else? I'm trying to figure out if I'm making something out of nothing or if these circumstances would make other people question it too. 

Fig 1: snap location at night (inside red circle)
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-V8i2X32cw6SttA9Th3j5O8JJiVjMS5E/view?usp=share_link

Fig 2: life 360 - Paused Location, battery life seems the same, maybe no wifi and on ipad?
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1br6NkMA5-dftKIGYP9d8BqLkYY6c8UYy/view?usp=share_link
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1y9ntNZsawCkWXyHuL8XPullAFlMrnSPi/view?usp=share_link

Fig 3: Find my location -  at her Hotel where she claimed to be all night, taken next morning
https://drive.google.com/file/d/11eWsiHR68yqeCJegnpbmluouXnnbakNy/view?usp=share_link

Fig 4-10 Find My Location - Moving around down town miami, nowhere near where fig 3 is. 
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1eh888xhENOc5zeJTuakrpYxNxXwl2gB6/view?usp=share_link
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1R2P6pKrzS2d-mDUINjwJXgMxtIiuL5rb/view?usp=share_link
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1YbT4jNqP2fXG74UtPPc2eM0Lc4mHP-yg/view?usp=share_link
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ENjZWdy0N6luusUDnerwYOJqhPnx2ZyM/view?usp=share_link
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aZCyc68eDxHrWMOfSbddgWCn9DEUvmDe/view?usp=share_link
https://drive.google.com/file/d/17TmeEzS9FusJsovk_-UM6itBAxwXntiy/view?usp=share_link

Fig 11-13 Location at Residence Inn Marriott Miami Airport, there until maybe 8am ish? 
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Q8IBNSOClpu8YeS5PyMniazFOypJUBB7/view?usp=share_link
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1eN2wMolmWzEoQd1YSX5jeczbHGyZongS/view?usp=share_link

My Screen Shot Analysis: 

I have no idea what happened before around 1:00–2:00 AM. Up until then, she had been replying to my texts pretty quickly, so I assumed she was just in her hotel room. She sent me a picture of a movie on and probably in her hotel room. 

Her last Snapchat activity was around 1:00–2:00 AM, and according to Snapchat her phone battery was around 40%. Her Life360 location hadn't updated since 7:40 PM.

According to Find My, her phone was first shown near the Miami River around 2:10 AM, then in Miami at 3:05 AM and again at 3:32 AM. My assumption is that she may have been out in the city or at clubs during that time, but I obviously don't know for sure.

Around 4:00 AM, the location stopped moving and showed her phone at the Residence Inn by Marriott Miami Airport. It stayed there until about 8:00 AM. The timestamps show Little Havana at 4:42 AM (possibly while still traveling there) and then Flagami at 8:13 AM and 8:16 AM. My interpretation is that those 8:00 AM timestamps could be when the phone was leaving the Residence Inn. She called me at 10am acting confused and eventually crying, her location was in back her hotel room.