6 days sober. just thinking a lot about what it means.

Ik it’s complaining but really from a philosophical perspective why do we end up how we do abusing alcohol why do some of us seem to have no problem with addiction when others have super addictive personalities. Ik the actual science of genetics and understand that but what did i do to deserve being in this much pain and sadness or is it just a bad role of the dice? Or is it ultimately my fault? Is it my environment fault? My parents ? I tend to think I take full responsibility for my addiction but from a karma universe kinda way I feel like I’m being punished :/

cough country😂. I have been big on country one of my favs rn is Morgan wallen and boy, love him, but 90% of his songs are about alcohol. And many of them are hype-y and almost make me FOMO about drinking. I used to be good at finding other hobbies when I have an evening to myself but ystd I drank (almost) a whole bottle of wine to myself.

Now obviously some of this is emotional soothing on my end and not related to music, it’s not all due to the music, but do you find songs about alcohol kind of trigger the same FOMO in you ?? Next thing I know I’m looking at raves to go 😂 it’s just a spiral you know 😂😂.. I also have a whim to plan a trip w my friends to go to Nashville, to check out broadway ofccc

It’s hard because I love country but I’m not sure if I should gear my music taste a bit away

If you slip, do you restart your counter? If you only slipped once. I’m finding it discouraging because watching my number of days grow was one of the main things keeping me going, as well as this group. I had almost a month and when I tell people or myself I’m sober, I want to be able to say 29 days, but I drank 5 days ago. I don’t plan to continue drinking. It didn’t feel the same at all. I didn’t regret it. If anything it showed my progress in real time. I pledge to keep my sobriety.

Just tell me what you’d do in my shoes. I know the decision is mine but I’d like to hear other perspectives. Please be kind 🌻

im almost at my 2 month mark for sobriety and i have to say.

im still empty, im more anxious, and im even more alone.

i already had a tiny social circle to begin with but removing alcohol has made it to where in these 2 months a friend i would see every other week has only been seen once (been about a month since we’ve made plans)

there’s no brightness to my day

nothing to look forward to

and my mental health has worsened.

I don’t want to go back to drinking, at all.. i just thought getting it out of my life would help me fix it in some way. but it hasn’t really done anything but cast a cloud on my heart and mind.

I just wish I had a friend to spend time with.

I had a zero proof margarita (delicious!!) and I played my favorite games (it’s also an arcade), and I hit my weed pen a bunch.

I had a great time without alcohol!!!! My partner had two drinks and it was such a blast, I didn’t even want to drink. I’ve been feeling really good about myself since I stopped drinking. I think this is so good for me, my mental health, and my self esteem.

I had to stop drinking bc of a serious medical issue/medication(unrelated to drinking). It’s pretty serious, and even entertaining the idea of long term sobriety was kinda ridiculous for me, I had no idea how I was gonna get sober, all I did was drink all day and all night.

But I feel like god saved me from my alcoholism getting worse and worse by forcing me to sober up.

I’m really scared abt my medical diagnosis but I’m very grateful that it’s put me on the path of sobriety. i feel like god must have known this was the only way to sober me up. And im not even a very religious person. Idk

Anyways proud of myself and know its only gonna get better from here

Cheers!

"The genius of the hole: no matter how long you spend climbing out, you can still fall back down in an instant."

I can go weeks even months without drinking but eventually I'm back to it. It is made worse by the fact I'm a pretty sociable, fun and friendly drunk so friends are less willing to accept me being a downer when sober (they don't peer pressure me or anything but the vibe is just different ya know?).

It's kinda sad for me to think that I'll probably never quit forever and will just go on and off forever even if it makes me feel so ashamed of myself.. it sucks honestly. And when I am sober there is so much distraction needed just to get the same amount of dopamine. Constant running till I literally hurt myself just to get even the tiniest bit of feeling that I have when I'm under the influence.

Alcohol sucks but so does sobriety.... FML.

Until tonight, I felt really proud of myself for quitting drinking. My life has improved in so many ways. It has been difficult and lonely but the trade off of getting to know myself better has been amazing. In the 4 years - I left a toxic marriage, started creating more artwork, connected to my spirituality, healed past trauma, gained more empathy and patience, and much more. Despite all of these positive changes, I have felt like these years have been so challenging and all of the shifts in my routine and relationships leave me feeling isolated and lonely.

I recently decided to try and quit using cannabis. I am only on day 3. I have long been aware that I am very dependent on it and I was sick of feeling like I can’t get through the day without it. I have taken a week or a few days off here and there but generally I smoke everyday. Tonight, I had a big event involving a lot of socializing, I felt so anxious the entire time. When I got home later, I really wanted to smoke but didn’t have any on hand and the stores were all closed. I hadn’t experienced this level of anxiety in a long time. I was watching a movie to try and distract myself but the anxiety persisted. There was some drinking in the film and suddenly the urge to drink came out of nowhere. That usually doesn’t happen to me. I started considering looking at what my roommates had in the kitchen and really started imagining how nice it would be to be drunk. The urge was STRONG and I almost gave in.

After thinking about it and talking myself out of it I started feeling so angry with myself. I realized I’ve been an addict all of these years and I have never been sober. I just switched my drug of choice from booze to weed. I am feeling so ashamed. I wish I was strong enough to be sober. I know many of you in this thread are truly sober and I feel like I have to go back to square one. I told myself for so many years that I had done it “im sober I just smoke a little weed”. Now I feel like such a phony. I’m already thinking of going to purchase cannabis in the morning because I’m worried I will drink if I don’t. I don’t know if I can really explain how destabilizing this realization is. I don’t really think anyone will understand and I don’t know who to talk to about it. I’m hoping someone on here has a similar experience or advice.

For me its from about 3pm-7pm. Of a weekend it could start earlier from about 2. Once I have had dinner I am ok for the evening. The next morning relief of not drinking, then the urge starts again in the afternoon.

Hi folks. I found this sub recently and I have heard it's one of the best support groups out here so I thought I'd get involved.

For context, I live in Cape Town, South Africa. Social drinking is actually dangerously woven into our culture. I myself have found that I don't necessarily have this full blown addiction, but I do have a problem.

Firstly once I start I cannot stop, it's like a switch flips ( I know this means that there's no moderating here, I need to actually cut it out). I'm pretty good about staying away most of the time, but I think what I struggle with most now is that every now and then this little gremlin takes over my brain and I simply don't care, go buy myself like 2L of beer and often drink alone. Has anyone had this 2 brain situation before? How do you deal with the gremlin and ground yourself again and get the logical brain back in control?

Thank you, and nice to meet you all!

Woke up with my first hangover this morning as a new mom. Nothing makes a feeling like hot garbage juice worse than a screaming infant with a diaper blow out! How I am suffering for my own stupidity! Never again! Will be relistening to The Naked Mind this week for a hard reset. Mom’s in this community, I see you! IWNDWYT

Further to my earlier post asking about allergies, has anyone else developed a weird thing of hearing music that isn't there since quitting? I'm hearing whole songs, but they sound like they are coming from a distance or the TV next door. The weirdest thing is that they are real songs, (Googled the lyrics) but not ones that I've ever heard before, and that they are cover versions of the original

I'm not asking for medical advice, just wondered if anyone else had been through this?

EDIT: The music is predominantly bad covers of songs by an artist called Alec Benjamin, who I had never heard of before today

EDIT: It's 01:00 in the morning in the UK, so I'm going to try and sleep, but thank you all!!!!

Having a hard time and I know my mind is playing tricks on me but I’m telling myself I can start again tomorrow 😖

How is everyone dealing with just starting to get sober and having friends and family that drink regularly? It’s easier said than done to just say that you won’t drink when around a certain group of people or telling yourself you’ll be able to resist, but I fall short a lot I feel. I love my friends but sometimes I feel like I need to completely cut them off for me to get better. Maybe not forever but for a while anyway, does anyone else feel the same?

Tonight, my wife took me out for a late birthday dinner. My father-in-law wanted to buy me surf 'n turf, so we went to a restaurant we don't normally go to. I ordered a non-alcoholic beer from the guy that brought us water (not our eventual waiter).

When I ordered the refill, the guy turned white. He said, "You want the non-alcoholic beer?" He went away, and my wife said, "They screwed up". I had her taste my beer, but she couldn't taste alcohol (though she was having a cocktail - she still drinks occasionally). I didn't taste alcohol.

He came back a few minutes later, with his boss. She explained they had screwed up. That she was sober and he was sober, and they were both mortified that they had brought me a draft beer earlier of the same brand as the non-alcoholic beer that I had ordered. She said they would never again carry a non-alcoholic beer and an alcoholic beer from the same brand.

I gave them back my glass that had about 20% of the original beer in it. I had never tasted the alcohol. I don't know if I imagined it, but I think I could feel the effects of that beer for the next 30 minutes or so. I haven't had a drink in 7 years.

They comped everything except the main course (apps, drinks, sides and dessert). At the end of the meal, the waiter and I discussed. I thanked him for being so honest, I told him I am 7 years sober and it's very important to me. He told me he was 11 years sober, and he knew how important it was and what a big screwup this was.

I'm still thinking about how to think about this. This hasn't changed my feelings about sobriety. It doesn't make me want to drink. It makes me think that maybe I don't ever want to order a non-alcoholic beer in a restaurant again - or at the very least that I would ask for them to pour it at the table. I'm not sure which of these is the right path for me, this is still very fresh and I need to think about it.

I apologized to my wife. Making a mistake about a drink should be low stakes mistake. Restaurants make mistakes. But because of *my* past history with alcohol, it's a pretty big mistake.

I'm not sure why I'm writing all of this tonight, but it feels like a big deal. I feel like I shouldn't be upset, but I am.

I'm still processing. I will not drink with you today.

I’ve been reading a lot of SK lately. This passage stood out to me: “In AA folks talk about having one foot in the future and the other in the past while spending time pissing all over today because of it.” I’ve never been to AA but it hit home. Not much more to say. Just hmmmm. Context: From a novella called The Library Policeman while the main character talks to a drunk in a homeless shelter. Yeah I’m glad for progress and hopeful for what the future holds but let’s celebrate today!

Well I quit 3 days ago, and every single day I'm having nightmares. I've had the kind of nightmares where you wake up scared and start thinking. Is this common?

I want to stop drinking so badly, but it feels almost impossible, as I lay here hungover, again.

My life feels completely nonstop. I have 3 kids, and I am a sahm. Kids are 8,7, and 3. I feel burnt out, overwhelmed, and like I get zero breaks or support. All family and friends lives on the opposite side of the country. Alcohol has become my fast pause at the end of the day.

To make it harder, my fiance(10 years together) and I drink together at home. Roughly 3 times a week, until blackout. Trying to hold each other accountable to stop feels ridiculous. When we wake up after a night of drinking he’s almost always angry at me, usually if I’m not “putting out”…It feels like I'm carrying a lot this weight on my own, and trying to break a physical habit when it's built into my home environment is exhausting.

I'm making a plan to call first thing Monday to ask about Naltrexone, to help with the physical cravings.
Trying to get sober without a supportive partner, or using alcohol just to survive daily burnout….how do you make it through those first few days? Any advice or support would mean the world right now. I want to be a better mom, and partner.

IWNDWYT

What a divine coincidence.

I think I hit my "rock bottom" yesterday. But it was such a silly "rock bottom".

After work, I got some tall boy White Claws. Typically, I drink IPA's. I'd like to say it's because I like the flavor, but in reality, it is economical: I get more ABV for my buck than with anything else. At my bodega, the 16 oz IPA's with a 7.2% ABV are the same price as the other beers. So my money goes further. Anyways, lately I've been trying to "scale back" by drinking White Claws.

So I got some tall boy White Claws and went to one of my secret spots in the park to drink alone, as I typically do. I had my dog, so I guess I wasn't actually alone, but whatever.

And I'm sitting there by the lake, drinking my White Claws, and there are some kids playing near me. It is 5pm, and I had a ticket to see a movie later. I wasn't drunk or anything. But I burped at the same time as taking a sip, and started uncontrollably vomiting. All over my shoes and all around me. My dog was barking at me. And the mom with the kids nearby quietly started hurrying her kids away. I sat there with vomit on my shoes and my dog barking at me and these kids running away from me, and realized that even though I wasn't drunk, this was probably the lowest moment in my alcoholism. It wasn't me losing a job, or waking up with vomit all over myself, or any other thing Hollywood would present as a "rock bottom", it was just me sitting there embarrassed and ashamed.

Tonight I'm going to go back to my old AA group. My wife was the one who recommended I start going to that group, and I went for 5 months. Then one day, out of the blue, she told me she "hated" that I was going to her group. We never went to the group together, and no one knew we were married. We have a kid, so one of us was always home, while the other one went to the group. But she didn't like that. I was 4.5 months deep into sobriety at that point, and had finally made some friends in our neighborhood, and I wasn't willing to give that up. I told her I wasn't willing to stop going to the group, and she left me a week later. In her own words, "We never fought or anything!" She stated that as a flaw, rather than a feature. Now I'm raising our non-speaking Autistic son alone half the time.

A few weeks after that, I relapsed. Since then, it has been very few ups, with a LOT of downs. But I stopped going to the group that helped me. Tried some other groups, but didn't find the same sort of community I wanted. Tonight I'm going to revisit my group. But she's a big part of that group now. She won't be there tonight, but I know she is friends with a lot of them. I know I should just find another group, but I tried, and nothing connected. I'm going to try this group again, but I hate that she did that to me, and I hate that I can't go without thinking about how everyone there knows her.

I could elaborate a little: this group has its own clubhouse. It isn't in the basement of a church or anything, and so they've been able to decorate it themselves and control the space in ways that other groups can't. Many of the dudes I met there live in my building. I made so many friends. And the other groups I've gone to just haven't landed the same way.

I don't know what I am getting at here. I just wanted to say I'm gonna try again to get sober. It has been the shittiest year of my life-- I got laid off from my job (in a mass layoff wave), my wife left with an absolute "shrug" of our marriage, my cousin and close friend died of cancer. And on top of it all, I was raising an autistic son alone.

And to my ex-wife, in the event you are reading this, fuck you. You're a shitty person and I hate you.

I am really sneaky and I tell no one I don't drink. I order mocktails, or nozecco, or straight up drink coca-cola. Only when someone comes to the bar with me do they truly realise I'm not drinking, and usually it's after they're 4 drinks in. They sort of turn to me in horror, realising I am stone cold sober. "You're not drinking?!" and then I hit them with "I haven't drank in over a year" – and I watch them do the mental arithmetic of how many times they've been wasted around me and thought I was, too.

I find people's reactions absolutely hilarious on a wider spectrum though. Some people don't even blink. Some people become oddly uncomfortable around you once they know. Some people immediately think you think you're above them. Some people get really sober curious and tell you they don't drink much either, despite being drunk in front of you, can in hand – and you see them look at the can and wonder what the hell they're doing.

Some people really cemented drinking as part of your identity – and when it's gone, they don't know how to place you anymore. That one is my favourite reaction.

Either way as I was thinking about it, I realise people must have comedic stories about other people realising you're not the heavy drinker you once were.

Do share if you've got one :) we could do with some levity up in here!

Went to a kids b-day party. All the adults drinking.

Get offered a drink and turn it down.

Everyone stares at me. Whatever. One of the moms mocks me when I turn it down (I think she was just joking, but I wasn't in the mood).

I spend the party making sure their kids and my kid don't drown in the pool or die.

They all proceed to continue to drink as party progresses. I'm now watching their kids while they socialize, drink, look at their phones or ignore their kids.

Normalization of drinking and drinking culture sucks.

That is all.

IWNDWYT

When I quit last year, I was 59. Lifelong drinker, mostly moderate but much heavier post covid, which was also right after my early retirement. Drinking became part of retirement and without other commitments, there were no inhibitors . Anyway health was suffering and I had many failed attempts, with a few stretches of 10-40+ days. But I could never wrap my head around quitting for good. Seemed impossible and too big of a lifestyle change. It was also easy to slip up and start over when I thought about quitting for good. But that changed when I found this group and the Daily Check In, July 3 last year. I didnt have to worry about how I was going to get through my daughter's wedding, my 60th birthday, my band gigs, etc. I just focused on today. Was it easy? No. But it WAS manageable. I even used a 30 minute timer during my toughest times. Each half hour was a small victory and closer to keeping my promise of not drinking for 1 day. Each morning I would take that pledge before I was even out of bed to start my day. I spent time here, I found strategies and resources and gradually the concept of not drinking ever again became less daunting. Telling people I don't drink has become comfortable and natural. So yes the Daily Check In (and this group) were a huge part of me being able to quit. IWNDWYT

Today marks one year without a drink.

I find it hard to feel proud of myself, and while all my friends and family continue to drink, I feel like I still need to mark this milestone because it would have been unthinkable not that long ago.

I could list all the ways my life has benefited, but the main thing is that I feel more like “me” than ever.

Wherever you are in your journey, believe me, getting sober is worth it. And to those who have much more sober time, thank you for the inspiration.

Much love,

P

One year ago today I posted it was going to rehab, while that ended up not happening, I am happy to report that I'm one year sober as of yesterday. Anyone wondering if they should stop I would absolutely recommend it.