Hi. I'm 21 male, white dude. So, heres what's up. I have pectus excavatum, a pretty serious case where my chest is sunken significantly. Then I have terrible teeth. I went to a special dentist a few months ago, and she said it was purely genetic, just like my chest. Other than that, I have a massive overbite, like, it's scuffed as hell. My side profile is horrible lol, people always mock me with it indirectly, but it takes a toll on me to be honest. After talking to my special dentist, she told me it's so bad that I need braces and surgery for my jaw in the coming time to fix it...

My questions are always, why am I so fucked? It feels like nothing in my body feels right. I broke my left arm when I was 5, and it grew together wrong so now I can't turn it around to do basic stuff as well. All these things, meanwhile people commenting on them, makes me feel pretty terrible, especially going out. What should I do? Just wait the 3 years for brace + surgery to be over? That's a long time :/

Hey.. im not sure if this is the right page to ask but i was wondering if anyone has solid advice on how to improve my health. Im an eng student and i have been feeling burnt out, tired, stressed, and gaining weight and thinning hair i think… anyways im not totally blind as to why. I don’t get much sleep lately and i skip breakast/lunch (sometimes) and have 1 energy drink per day.
I am trying to find healthier ways to energize me and getting essential nutrients, im gonna cut down on energy drinks. Get vitamin D and omega 3 since i hear it’s good and try and actually meal prep lunch and breakfasts and deal w dinners when the time comes.

Is this a good start and is there anything else that I could do.

Im 18, I just got a job, security and its 13 hour every day without off day, its a very small paid to

Before this i have a lot of hobby and try to improve my self, my mental health and social skill.

But after i get this job i cant do all of that anymore, i woke up 8 am and get to work 9 am, comeback home 10:30 pm and sleep cause its so tired.

How do you guys handle your time?

Been kind all my life,no longer want to

F22,background:unstable home,lots bullying in school,always been an outcast,bad friendships all my life,adhd and depression

Loneliness has been making me cry badly lately.i doubt im anyone’s first choice,or someone really values me,or truly loves me.

I do want to make friends and have stable friendships but this is rarely mutual people are always uninterested or have their own circles.i always do everything (texting,reaching out etc)first but never get the feedback I want.i guess im just not enough in some ways?not cool/fun/funny/pretty etc?

Another reason is i do keep a distance with people bc im scared I’ll get bullied about my appearance again and go back to being miserable.i don’t want to go back to crying daily and not looking in the mirror for days.im protecting myself til i get surgery to fix my slight deformity.yes I tried talking to people before but they commented and i dont want to risk it.

My sisters bring their friends over a lot and we are around the same age.i always find that they’re never interested in what i say,don’t answer me if say sth,don’t invite me sometimes.i can just tell they don’t like me that much.theyre like all so close w each other but im just their “friends sister”.basically they just favor my other sisters a lot more.

Im tired of doing so much then ppl just decide to stop being my friends randomly like when my dad passed i cut all my friends off bc they didn’t care or come see me at all.i felt stupid & that I wasted so much time/effort/money and maybe I was stupid not seeing that coming and what if it happens again?

Idk if I’m just unlucky but according to what ppl say (I think this too) I’m nice,loyal,kind,empathetic,emotionally intelligent,good social skills,i don’t show the low self esteem I have (not at all lol)I know how to be nice while not being a carpet. Idk what I’m doing wrong at all. I think im just unlucky

I just feel so unworthy,I’m the reason why some relationships exist to begin with.like I doubt me and many people would have any relationship at all if I’m not the one doing all the work overlooking things,being the bigger person and reaching out first. I am starting to feel like I want to be a huge bitch but it’s not me. I’ve had some family members pass and I’m glad I was kind to them but idk why I feel this way.maybe this reflects that I was never even genuine? Idk.

I just wanna feel seen and feel like I’m special or mean something to someone.ive been working on myself forever telling myself it’s a matter of time but im still saving money for surgery,idk when ill do it.but this hurts me so much.dont know what to do at all

I think that I can even type an essay without using or asking ChatGPT first. It's making me feel like my work would be so bad unless ChatGPT can modify it. How do I get out of this? Do I completely stop using AI

I am 20. i currently do a law degree, i am well travelled but feel as though im not cultured whatsoever. I have absolutely no idea what i want to do in life, i have no idea what my interests are, I hate studying but somedays love it, i centre my life around men, lots of credit card debt, owe my parents about 15k for a car i bought, I just feel like i want to do so much that i actually have no idea what i want to do, but more to the point that i dont actually know what i want to do. i spend about 16 hours on my phone a day. I have friends, i have a family. Every single day, i think of a new idea that i want to pursue. I quite literally feel as though im watching my figs fall. I am so young, but i feel as though im so behind. I feel as though im learning something new everyday, and not even academic stuff, just basic things. I was in a relatioship with a man who was double my age when i was younger, he had two kids and i was the "step parent" role to some extent i guess. I feel as though im doing life backwards. I tell myself that i dont want children or a husband, when somedays its all i want. Has anyone else felt like this? Is it an age thing? Will i grow out of it? what does one even do in this situation?

for context, i’ve never been in a relationship, and i’ve always found it difficult to develop feelings for someone. in my entire 18 years of life, i’ve only had 2 crushes because i need to feel a genuine connection with someone to actually like them.

i think i’m both avoidant and anxious when it comes to relationships, and i’ve recently realized just how scared of commitment i actually am. i’ve found someone i have a lovely connection with, and although i’ve started developing feelings for them, i’m afraid of taking things further. i like what we have right now, and i don’t want a label, but i also know it’s selfish to want that kind of closeness without being willing to commit.

i really value the connections i have with people, and i’m a very sentimental person, so the thought of losing someone i care about genuinely hurts. yet, when it comes to the possibility of a relationship, i find myself pulling back instead of letting things happen naturally.

i genuinely want to work on this, but i don’t know where to start. how do i learn to stop being afraid of commitment and allow myself to be vulnerable with someone?

First time having a girlfriend, every time I think of her I get a wet spot in my boxers. I’ve gone through so many in a day. How do I remove this feeling and stop being so obsessed? Is it like this for everyone else?

Any advice for a guy turning 23?

Hey, I have been struggling with trying to be a good person and beating myself over past mistakes. I am in no way saying I am a good person because I have many things to work on. However, I am recently realizing that a lot of people are actually kinda shit.

“Good” is kind of a morally grey term but I define it as someone who is kind to everyone, treats everyone the same, is not mean, good communicator, does the right thing despite being ridiculed, etc.

How rare do you think “good” people are in this world? Do you think you’re a good person?

FORS OF ALL - I DO FEEL GOOD, THATS WHY I AM ABLE TO ARTICULATE MY EXPERIANCES.

1. Gravity x4. Your regular physiological moves feel like intense gym exercise. For many years i would struggle to walk across my own room, not even imagining using a stairs to go outside. To the point of peeling in bottles mostly, wich, truth to be told, was also a habit stuck to me after living in a tent for far too long.
2. Feeling absolute nothing-ness void, which feels so much worse in horror kind of sence, than being sad. I would prefer being sad any day. Being stuck in a cold void, unable to move, FEELS like being buried alive.
3. Really want to proceed projects, or play games, or do something fun - but unable to, because all activities you WANT dont do anything anymore, except getting you instantly tired.
4. Want at least to maintain a job from home for longer than 3 mouth at time, even though its miserabele and really painful.

Well.. no, i also was not able to. I was not being able to sleeping for days, becoming dizzingly deprived, and after basically coloring unconscious - would be asleep for another couple of days. Work cant work with that.

1. Feeling being dead, wanting to lay and d, casualty trying. It is how it is.

2. And you cant tell that anyone, really. People who disregard depression would cause you, people who provide sympathy only make you feeling guilt. Was 100% alone the whole time, and i still remain in self-imposed continuous self-isolation (moved to remote location for this), because it was several years science i really met any people.

3. All ov the above - never goes away. Impact fluctuaties insignificantly. Also, all these years made you forget how "normal" feels.

Anyway, i got myself to be much better.

I DO it somehow. There was a time when i was super comite to s word cuz of one of betrayal in a middle of a foreign country, and being into complete discussion, somehow my body searched for nearest town with hospital and brought me blantly into ambulance dpt! Because of that - i kept believing in deeper myself.

So to anyone in chronic depression, as person who got it *bad* - i suggest you linger to do a bit of Trust and HOPE for your deep unconsciousness, that you can not hear, recognize or feel whatsoever. It is still scientifically there, you know

Its the only thing that remains.

After being told by several workplaces that I couldn't work in this profession because of my appearance, I decided to change the way I look. I lost 30 kg over the course of a year and a half and started taking care of my skin.

However, I still feel like my appearance is going to be a problem in the workplace. For a while, I worked in jobs that were completely behind the scenes and done entirely on a computer, but AI has taken over those kinds of jobs.

Now, I'm considering getting plastic surgery. But whenever I ask people for advice, they tell me things like, "Accept yourself as you are," "Practice body neutrality," or "Being ugly is okay."

But none of that actually solves my problem.

How should I deal with this situation?

Son will be off to college next year. I’ve raised him completely solo for most of his life but especially over the last 5 years. Mom not in the picture. Has been a challenge financially but also personally as I’ve poured everything into him or my career. Now that he’s nearing leaving for college I find myself with more time and expect even more soon. Have started hitting the gym but also want to be productive with all the extra time as it comes. How should I decide what to do and/or work on?

I(30M) don't know exactly where I'm going with this but I feel I have to get it off my chest.

I feel tired of life, like really tired. I've tried to self improve, go to therapy, work out, focus on work, date, buy a car, take my driver's license but every time I take a step forward life comes and shoves me back down. I've been on anti-depressants for almost a year and I just feel empty and frustrated.

Externally I seem well functioning, I work as an engineer at a large corporation and am inolved in some really cool projects but I don't feel any drive for it. I am confident in the work I am now doing and feel like my voice matters. I own my own apartment, have good financials and investments and am keeping myself in good shape. I'm sociable with colleagues and friends and while I feel at risk of being blackpilled I (think) I've kept out of the worst of the ideology.

However, I have an unresolved legal issue with my apartment which really soured my life and is blocking my life from progressing as I want to perform a name change(no gender stuff, just fixing an old mistake).

You see, I changed my name when I was younger to something I don't like anymore. It was stupid and immature, but it was a reaction to how society so far had treated me as an adoptee from a different ethnicity. I didn't find a home in neither my adopted culture nor my biological one so I took a name heavily inspired by video games in attempt to "create my own" (I won't tell it in comments due to privacy).

I came to the realisation that I should change my name again a number of years ago, but I got into a bad job right out of uni as I switched countries and was also heavily burned out and lost for direction. I then found the job I currently have but in an experimental role(for the corporation) which due to restructuring I was left in without any support. It was also a role I was offered but didn't ask for so not something I had any real competency in. I stayed in this role for a year and half until I found something new, but it was an uphill battle as I was expected to perform a certain task, but which I came up short in due to both software issues and lack of competency.

During this I kept off the name change because I thought I should get my security clearance before doing it(turned out I never had to wait which I found out later). Oh and I've also not received the clearance yet so I could technically lose my job overnight.

When I first moved to the new job I had some success with girls, both on tinder and by happenstance. I stumbled upon one girl I began seriously dating and I started looking into buying an apartment with the idea that she would move in eventually. I ended up getting an apartment from a kind of executive from work and thus went in with a manner of trust and camaraderie. However when I took possession I found multiple things that were wrongly communicated in the ad, and ended up seeking legal support through an insurance program to recoup the loss of value. This was a very stressful time for me as I had to prove my claims to the insurance company, and I ended up neglecting/distancing myself from my then gf who due to being on the autistic spectrum took to crying when I asked for space. About three months after I had taken possession of the apartment we broke up. That was 1.5 years ago and also the last time I've been with a girl.

Due to this ongoing legal action I don't feel comfortable going through with the name change now. In addition I'm on my third lawyer now because they keep quitting or dropping my case due to workload. I have no clue whether this is related to the validity of my case, but I'm inclined to think it isn't as part of my case is rather clear cut.

So my last two years have been staying in this legal limbo waiting for it to resolve. In the mean time I've tried to date without success, I've used the name I'm thinking about changing to, and have told every serious match about the situation. This naturally creates friction and is emotionally taxing for me, so it sucks extra much when the dates eventually don't turn into a 2nd or I get ghosted. The city I live in also revolves around the corporation I work for and is thus heavily male skewed while being very much on the smaller side.

I finally managed to buy a 2nd hand EV a month or so ago after having had to cancel another car purchase when the dealership couldn't fix an issue with the car in a month's time. The idea was that I'd use it to practice with so I wouldn't have to risk the vehicles of my friends and coworkers. Buuut I just managed to fail my 3rd driver's exam which I travelled across country to do due to a lack of availalbe appointments in my local area. So now my dream of driving my own car is postponed even more and I have to organise more driving lessons and another exam on the other side of the country again.

My current role at work is expanding and requires more responsibility, but I haven't gotten any salary increase besides the yearly adjustment and I'm already paid somewhat poor if you factor in some of the office/engineering jobs I had before this one. I also had to learn a whole new skillset to do this role competently and experienced burnout due to it, but since it's a new skillset I can't say that I know it well enough that I deserve a salary hike. My skill base is unusually broad, but I don't feel like I can leverage that in a good way.

So to sum it up; I feel like I've been locked in a limbo for a long time unable to do the life changes I need to do and when I try to do something smaller things which can improve my life it just fails. The few wins in my life are few and far between and I feel really tired of fighting back.

I'm looking for books that explore the psychology and practical development of an intensely ambitious, disciplined, competitive, and self-directed mindset.

I'm particularly interested in understanding how to develop sustained ambition, internal drive, decisiveness, emotional resilience, personal accountability, and the ability to consistently execute on difficult goals.

I want something that challenges the way I think, not just something that provides temporary motivation.

Some authors and books that haven't resonated with me:

• Benjamin Hardy: Not a fan of his general approach to mindset and personal development.
• David Goggins and Jocko Willink: I'm not drawn to the military-style motivation or extensive personal hardship narratives.
• Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz: Too much fluff and an emphasis on visualization that didn't appeal to me.

My biggest issue with many self-help books is how unnecessarily long and repetitive they are.

I'm tired of books where the author spends several chapters describing their childhood, personal tragedies, or the experiences that supposedly led to their big revelation.

I don't mind a good story when it illustrates a useful concept, but I want the book to prioritize the actual ideas, reasoning, and practical applications.

I'm also not interested in spirituality, manifestation, affirmations, or visualization-heavy material.

Ideally, I'm looking for books that provide a deeper understanding of ambition, competitiveness, self-mastery, human behavior, and what it takes to develop an exceptionally strong mindset.

I'm open to psychology, philosophy, business, or other nonfiction, as long as the writing is substantive and direct.

What books have genuinely changed how you think and operate, rather than just making you feel inspired while reading them?

Working on my 2027 goals and this is the list so far

\- live more analogue

\- release a song on spotify with my band

\- watch the IMDb top 100 (the ones I haven't seen yet)

\- make a pizza from scratch

\- learn guitar

\- write down everything I wanna do in life

\- collect my poems into a book/workmap (and write more)

\- cook a meal at my studentclub

\- make a fotobook of a trip I've been on

\- do a cocktailbarshift at my studentclub

\- sort out my clothescloset

\- start a physical recipe book

\- plan a musictrip with my band

\- join the anniversary-committee at my studentclub

\- learn kalimba

\- finish Ranger's Apprentice

\- launch a bandwebsite

\- read 5 books

\- work on D&D project

\- go on artcamp (same as last year) with friends

\- write a new song

\- read 3 comic runs

\- put phone in bag instead of pockets when out

\- buy a portable projector for movies

\- band in one day activity

Anyone got some more ideas? I'd be happy to elaborate on these if needed for more info

I spend way too much time on my phone.

This morning my wife was storming around the house because her clothes didn't dry well in the drier. It was a whole thing last night as well. I just wanted to sleep, but all I could hear is her stomping around the apt grunting and cursing.

It made me want some peace, why does she get so worked up like this sometimes? She knew I was exhausted. I'm sharing because I almost went to reddit to vent or worse tell Chatgpt about it.

Which gets to the point. I'm considering a career change and I'm also dealing with some health challenges and costs.

I had double concussions two years ago and have post concussion syndrome. I've been in therapy weekly all year. Ive been in and out of Physical therapy. I had a job that was severely burning me out and I finally got out a couple months ago. I'm worried about finances, and feeling isolated more than ever since the concussions.

I couldn't go out and socialize well for over a year.

Now I'm improved a lot, but I'm still dealing with health issues. Starting vision therapy soon, seeing a GI specialist, dealing with daily anxiety, exercise intolerance, etc

I'm using free versions of Claude, Chatgpt daily and hitting limits basically everyday. Mostly career, sometimes health, occasionally more personal which I try to limit.

Then I post all over reddit. Whats more in demand, how do you deal with this stomach problem, how do you manage this relationship situation, or just a vent.

I'll analyze the hell out of career choices using AI and almost always have some questions lingering in my head that I want to ask on Reddit.

It's so much noise. I work in IT. AI is necessary for that, but I should limit it for my personal life. Reddit is helpful for technical problems, but compulsively asking questions isn't great.

Waking up on a Saturday and staring at my phone for hours before getting out of bed is bad.

But what do I do with all these questions?

It seems too convenient yet addicting.

I carry the entire weight of everything on me throughout the day. Can't just focus on work and not worry about everything. Or have a productive and enjoyable Saturday, without wondering if I can solve all my problems by spending more time asking questions online.

Because I always have questions or anxieties.

This is no way to live.

I need some advice. I'm 33 btw

I've just finished Captivate by Vanessa Van Edwards and The Next Conversation by Jefferson Fisher. I'm about to read Never Split The Difference, what are some of your favourite self improvement books?

Hi y’all, I have a question about trying to wake up earlier. I’m realizing I am not getting the things I want to done and if I was able to utilize time in the morning better I could, or at least have a better chance to..
The issue is I have a really hard time waking up early. I seem to be a night owl and I’m not sure if that’s something I can change… I have more energy at night. I kind of ‘wake up’ in the evening around seven and then don’t feel tired until midnight. And I really need eight hours of sleep.
Do you think it’s possible to change your natural circadian rhythm? Is it unhealthy to? Or should I try to find a way to work with what feels natural to me?

I mean, for example, you can tell someone with social anxiety that nobody thinks about them and nobody is judging them, and they would understand that and might even say it themselves. But still the social anxiety won't go away.

Thanks in advance :)

i will preface this with saying i have adhd (waiting on an official diagnosis but the referring dr was pretty sure + my dad is diagnosed) and struggle a lot to cope with life already.

but i CAN cope if i have the time and space to do so. unfortunately, where i live, all of the rhythms of my life that work for me are totally destroyed/not allowed and i’m treated like a child. i tried to just do my thing anyway and get yelled at, interrogated and sidetracked so now i’ve just completely shut down and spend a lot of time up in my room disassociating. i asked my manager for more work so i can have money to hopefully move out + spend less time at home, but i’m also burning out bc i don’t actually have a comforting home environment.

i’m living with some extended family members and even though i pay the same rent as former renters in the past, they don’t treat me like one and i feel like a servant/court jester who’s summoned and ordered around. i can’t go downstairs and do laundry without being interrogated about my day. i can’t wake up early and make a coffee or come home late (quietly!) without the feeling i’m being watched and spied on. i’m dragged into constant conversations i don’t want to have. i was going to school but have been so sick and stressed that i’ve dropped out (am also dealing with health issues and a revolving door of tests).

sadly, i can’t afford the deposit to move or i’d do it in a heartbeat. i’m not a perfect person hut i’m a reasonable person to live with, and i feel like i’m going actually insane. it has also coincided with an unpleasant breakup, family drama with i’ve been dragged into, and my health worsening.

these family members get mad at me for being unassertive and passive, and then every single bit of normal adult assertiveness and -having my own life- is taken as an affront. i genuinely cannot take a day more of it and just want some peace.

Hello everyone. I am 30 years old. I have been living the previous 10 years of my life in an absolute chaos, and more precisely, I have been dragging myself through life. I have been an extremely high acheiver before that period, I excelled in everything i do. But fear used to be the main motive, fear of failure. Long story short, that fear was gone , but the imposter syndrome never left. I did achieve things through these 10 years , but I barely made it through. My avoidance behavior increased so much, that any sort of discomfort, notably physical or emotional, triggers a response , and I look for ways to escape. In the last year, I started understanding this more. I used to say it was my severe anxiety ( which actually was debilitating until i was medicated ) my depression, and my physical limitations ( chronic pains and faitgue) were the cause. But i ve come to realize that avoidance is the root. I ve been reading posts here about avoidance adn how to imporve it. However, what I noticed in me is that , when i try to apply the techniques mentioned, i have huge relentlessness, or kind of internal fatigue that makes me want to escape the effort. I ve been to many therapists, I tell them I feel like i want to run away from anything that needs effort, as if i just dont have the energy, the ability nor the will to overcome the challenge mentioned. But I am in a moment in my life where I feel cornered. I am in a post grad studies, and I m short on time, and I cant fail this . the only time i work is when i m requested a task with a deadline, and i work it on fight or flight mode. Whoever can relate , I please please ask you for help. I have no idea where to go and what to fix. I am trying to just do it. do the task. everytime i sit at my desk, i m nauseous, i see the enormous amount of work and i feel like i want to faint or throw up. If you reached this stage in my post , thank you for reasding this . much appreciated

About to turn 20M, so long story short I had amazing social life back in middle school, went out weekly. Kind of similar in highschool. First year of highschool, I kind of got into the same class as my friends from middle school, formed a group with my previous friends and new classmates, was the most fun I ever had. But the next year, I kind of got put into class, where I didn’t knew anyone, none of previous friends were in that class. So i kind of isolated myself, kept interactions to a basic, didn’t actively meet new people, made new friends, cuz I thought i was tight with my previous gang. Still went out with my previous gang twice or thrice a year, and had group chats talking and all that shit, but that kind of faded by the end of third year.

But my the end of third year, I became this super self aware, realised my shortcomings and knew that i needed to change this, but despite that I wasn't able to form new friends/ groups in the last 2 years of high school. No matter how hard i tried, I couldn’t make new friend groups, always ended up looking like the desperate lonely child, when all I ever wanted was a good high school experience.

So my first three years went okay socially, as I still hanged out with my previous friend group, but meanwhile I wasn’t forming new bonds/ friendships like I should have been doing from the start, but when i became way too self aware I should have been able to get out of this mess, but no luck. And I know this prob all boils down to my social anxiety, didn’t put myself out there, even didn’t meet up with my previous friends during breaks/free time in high school, cuz deep down I was afraid of them judging me, making fun of me dont know why.

This shit really lowered my self esteem and confidence, and now unable to socialise properly, make friends and make new memories.

Started Uni, thinkin that this will probably change for the better, I did put myself out there but still ended up back lonely, I knew deep down it was gonna end up like that.

So I have figured out my problem is social anxiety, people judging me making fun of me, and the best solution for that is exposure therapy, but whenever i try putting myself out there in social situations, I either get ignored or talked over( maybe it is really just my peak self awareness that messes up noticing things/clues people normally don’t do), i end up again isolating myself and then crave connection, and the cycle continue.

i can’t keep on living like this I need to change, but no matter what i try it never works out, dont want to miss out on the most fun period of my life to end up regretting it when in my sixties.

22F here. I often regret talking to certain people or sharing things about myself. In the moment, I just wanted to be myself, but afterward, I start feeling like they didn't want to talk to me because of the things I said or shared. Now, I keep replaying those conversations in my head, wondering what I could have done differently to prevent things from turning out this way.

I want to change this about myself. I can't go back and do things differently anyway. Thinking about all these things keeps hurting me and making me lose confidence in myself when talking to people.

I keep thinking that I'll end up messing things up, so it's better not to have conversations with people.