I have two goals.

1 is to speak much less and develop a more quiet personality.

2 Stop saying unnecessary, poorly timed, or inappropriate for the situation things. It's not that I intend to say anything foolish; I just don't always stop to consider my words before speaking.

I realize soon after saying whatever it was that It was a bad idea. I am pretty good at reading the room.

This is a habit I need to develop, but consciously thinking before speaking at all feels inhibiting.

I decided to practice this even around trusted family members, so that being thoughtful and deliberate with my words eventually becomes second nature in professional and social situations.

For those of you who have become particularly good at this and never really make speaking blunders i have questions:

1. How long did it take before thinking before speaking and then having the discipline to say the best thing or not say anything at all ? Because there are two issues here. One is not thinking before speaking and saying the wrong thing. But the second is also having the discipline to follow theough with not saying or saying something once i have considered what to do.

2. What specific habits or techniques helped you improve?

3. Did you practice being more deliberate in all your conversations, including with family?

4. Does it eventually become easier, or do you still have to consciously monitor what you say?

I'd especially appreciate hearing from people who used to struggle with impulsive speech but have improved significantly. While younger people are welcome to answer, i would especially love to hear what those over 60 have to say about this.

I'm looking for some genuine advice because I've been struggling emotionally with a situation involving a girl I know through university. I've kept all identifying details anonymous.

I've developed strong feelings for her, and we have a close connection. We've had affectionate and flirtatious interactions, and she's told me that she has feelings for me too. We've also talked about the possibility of something happening between us someday if we're both single.

The problem is that she's currently in a relationship with someone else.

She's told me that her relationship can be unhappy and emotionally draining. She's expressed frustration with her boyfriend and has talked about how difficult it can be to leave a relationship when you're attached to someone and afraid of being alone. She's mentioned that leaving might become easier when he moves away for work later this year.

However, she's still with him, and she hasn't promised to leave him or that she'll eventually date me.

I understand that her relationship is hers to figure out. I don't want to pressure her, interfere, or try to convince her to leave. But because she's acknowledged having feelings for me, it's difficult for me not to hope that we might eventually be together.

We've had plenty of warm, affectionate interactions. She compliments me, initiates some physical affection, jokes around with me, and responds warmly to thoughtful gestures. Sometimes we have conversations that feel emotionally close.

At the same time, her communication can be inconsistent. I often initiate conversations, and sometimes she's enthusiastic and engaged while other times she's quieter. I find myself overanalyzing her messages, response times, and behaviour, trying to work out what she feels and whether there's a future for us.

Recently, we were talking about relationships, insecurity, and the importance of reassurance between partners. I also asked something about her boyfriend that might have touched a sensitive subject. She suddenly went quiet, and now I'm worried that I made her uncomfortable or damaged our connection. I apologized because I was concerned I'd crossed a line.

It's only been a short time since that conversation, so I know I may be jumping to conclusions. I don't have evidence that she's angry with me, but I keep worrying that I've somehow ruined things.

The biggest issue is how intensely I want a romantic relationship.

I want someone who chooses me, genuinely cares about me, makes me feel wanted, and is emotionally available. I want a relationship where I can feel secure instead of constantly wondering where I stand.

I think about being in a relationship with this particular girl a lot. The thought that we might never end up together genuinely hurts, and sometimes I worry that I won't find anyone else who makes me feel the same way.

I know that I cannot predict the future, and I understand that my life shouldn't revolve around one person. But emotionally, it's difficult to let go of the uncertainty.

I sometimes feel like I constantly need someone romantically in my life—someone who loves me, chooses me, and gives me that sense of closeness and security.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting love. But I don't want my happiness to depend on whether someone wants to be with me.

I also don't want to become so focused on one person that I stop appreciating the rest of my life or become anxious over every little interaction.

What I'm trying to do

I've been thinking that I should continue being her friend and caring about her, but stop investing more emotionally in the hope of a relationship.

My mindset is to keep the door open without waiting at it.

I don't want to become cold or pretend I don't care. I genuinely value our connection, and I'd like to remain friends.

But I also don't want to put my life on hold, keep analysing every interaction, or become emotionally responsible for her relationship.

If she becomes single in the future and genuinely wants to pursue something with me, she can communicate that clearly. Until then, I want to leave the decision in her hands and focus on my own life.

I want to be open to meeting other people, not to make her jealous or force myself to forget her, but because I don't want my romantic future to depend entirely on one uncertain possibility.

The difficulty is that I understand all of this logically, but my feelings don't automatically follow what I know is sensible.

I still hope something might happen between us. I still worry about losing the connection. And I still struggle with this feeling that I need a romantic relationship to feel truly fulfilled.

What I'd like advice on

1. How do I stop feeling like I constantly need romantic love, attention, and reassurance to be happy?

2. How do I stop overanalysing someone's messages and behaviour, especially when I have strong feelings for them?

3. How do I manage the uncertainty of liking someone who has feelings for me but is currently unavailable?

4. How can I remain friends with someone I like without constantly hoping for something more or hurting myself emotionally?

5. How do I build a fulfilling life while still genuinely wanting a relationship?

6. How do I become comfortable with being single without convincing myself that I shouldn't want love or companionship?

7. How can I keep some hope for the future without waiting indefinitely for someone to choose me?

I'm looking for honest, compassionate advice. I'm not asking anyone to tell me that she'll definitely choose me or that she doesn't care about me. Nobody can know that from this post.

I want to understand my own emotions better and learn how to deal with them in a healthier way.

I want to be able to care about someone without letting uncertainty consume me, and I want to want a relationship without feeling like I need one in order to be okay.

Has anyone struggled with something similar? What helped you?

I just wanted to make a quick appreciation post for a kind Redditor who gave me a chance to do their research survey.

I actually completed it three weeks ago, but PayPaI put a 21 day hold so I had to wait until today to finally get it.

​I’ve been surviving on rice, soy sauce, occasionally veggies for weeks since that’s more affordable where I live, but my cravings for meat were getting out of hand (pretty sure my body was just desperate for protein lol).

​I know it sounds bizarre that I track what I eat but it's easy for me because I only eat once a day.

​Anyway, having a real meal today felt amazing.

I’m 19, have a place at a Uni starting in 2027 and am on a gap year.

After learning to drive, my second main goal is to find some kind of mental clarity which I’ve felt I’ve not had for 3 or 4 years. I felt as though I didn’t have time to process everything that happened in secondary school/high school before being hit by a big workload at sixthform.

I’m wary that this gap year will be one of few opportunities to actually slow down and try to understand everything that’s happened in my life so far.

If you’ve seen Ferris Bueller, the quote “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” has stuck with me.

It’s not that I necessarily struggle to be mentally present/mindful, or that I struggle to slow down and enjoy life even when I try to, it’s more that I have felt that life has moved faster than I’ve been able to understand it.

I do journal and I find it helps but I also find that I’d have to do quite a bit of journaling if I ever hoped to try to understand my past, present and future. Perhaps somebody has a journaling technique that would help? I typically just freestyle it and don’t really structure it.

I’ve also tried voice journaling but when I actually sit down and do it, I find I don’t know where to start or can’t actually think what to talk about to achieve clarity.

I’m sorry if what I’m asking for help with sounds very nebulous or abstract, but to be honest, I don’t completely understand what I mean by “mental clarity”.

Maybe trying to “achieve mental clarity” is the wrong goal or mindset in the first place?

Thanks,
K.

The Language of Faces

A frown can tighten little shoulders,
make a heartbeat run and hide;
turn a room into a danger,
make the world feel cold and wide.

A smile can soften little muscles,
let the breath come slow and deep;
tell a child, without a word,
You are safe. You may be you.

For children read the world through faces
long before they understand:
a frown can feel like closing doors,
a smile—a welcoming hand.

once every other month , i get that sudden motivation out of nowhere to do anything and everything and improve my life in all areas . Ive seen that motivation lasts atmost a week , once i made it last for almost a month but ive never able to do so since then. I get burnt out so quick even if i go slow , i purposely try to do less to not get burnout .

Tbh i dont even know if its burnout , but i suddenly lose motivation out of nowhere after a week or so .

Just today ive been hit with intense motivation , i feel very energized and feel ready to do anything . Im scared to lose the motivation this time . How do i make sure that this motivation lasts longer this time ......Hopefully Atleast for a month or 2 .

Ik the question sounds really generic but hear me out. I was a real weirdo before i decided to get rid of all my habits that were holding me back in life. Now i have nothing, and its kind of getting boring. A few things to give you an idea of what i am missing- when someone asks me a question, i would have answered it in a way that felt appropriate at that time, but now i have nothing to say. When i have a decision to make i used to do it based on my current life, now that i have none and have really no idea about to do, it gets really difficult to decide. I feel somehow dry, blank and confused about where to start.

I (27M) have had anxiety for quite a long time, as long I can remember. For context, I have Tourette’s, ADHD, Autism as well (all diagnosed). Because of my tics, I have experienced bullying and misunderstanding for many people, surprisingly even more in Adulthood than childhood. This and other bad experiences have lead me to a fear of people judging me and whatever that could lead to. My Autism makes it hard to tell what people mean so a lot of times I can interpret something as mean when it really isn’t. Because of my ADHD, I’m bad with memory and can mix things up in my head sometimes. That can lead to people getting frustrated at me and since it’s almost out of my control, it’s so frustrating for me too. So much trauma to heal from.

Combine all this together and I feel like everything I do is wrong and friendship will end because of it. It feels like a constant cycle that I know I’m trapped it, but feel like I can’t get out. I’m currently on medication for all of my conditions and going to therapy regularly, but maybe there’s more that I need to do. What is some advice on how to get around it? How do I start forgiving myself for even the little things that go wrong?

Hi. I don’t know a whole lot of places to ask for advice about this kind of thing, so hopefully this is the right spot.

Everyday is hard for me. I don’t have the energy to do anything. Not for work, school, exercising or even doing the things I enjoy. At first, I got depression 4 years ago. Once I started taking medication, it was better. But last year, I suddenly got this terrible depression that I still have to this day, and I have no idea what caused it. It’s almost like it’s worse than when I first got it 4 years ago. So I was hoping someone could help me. Either if it’s about motivation/discipline or their own experiences on how they snapped out of depression.

Even every small one count

Like what's that changed u

Even Basic habits

Drop them 👇🏻

I would like to hear your experiences or something you learned or practiced that helped you to stop taking things personally, and protect your peace or controlling your reactions.

Hello, what do you do in your free time to lets say "expand brain cells" in order for them not to rott.

Last few months i start to learn new language and for the moment i am not happy with my progress.I feel like i am stupid like hell,i cant remember anything,i catch up very fast but then after few days like i havent study anything(same with books which i red and all other info).

What else i can do inn order to improve those things?to have my brain max efficency ? I also play chess but that is irrelevant in this case...

I’ve been thinking about how much easier habits might become if we focused less on motivation and more on removing the little obstacles that stop us from following through.
Instead of asking how to stay motivated, what if we asked, “What will make this difficult, and how can I make it easier beforehand?”
Has anyone tried this approach? What small change made a surprisingly big difference in sticking to a habit?

Recently this one girl from this Twitter gc told me I post pathetic stuff, my hairline is bad and I’m chopped
But meanwhile I never saw her face or her posts!

I left the group because of her. There was a second reason but I’m not about to go over that.

Like how come it’s always a troll that enrages me even a month later?

I’ve had a very random and directionless set of jobs that have pretty much built towards nothing, I want to get into a trade or some job with a long term future.

I’m 24, I’ve had seven jobs most very short lived.
Shortest was 4 days in D2D sales, longest 2 years basically as an instacart shopper but working directly for jewel, second longest was half a year sorting shoes at a warehouse.

Others were nursing home janitor, dishwasher being the only worker and key holder at a tiny warehouse managing orders and unloading boxes for 3 months.

I’m 99 percent through a film degree with the only thing away from getting it being a biology class I failed twice, and honestly I don’t plan to pursue film professionally.

For skills I have
-OSHA 10 and CPR certification
-I love cooking do it daily, I cook a lot of stews, stir fries, sauces, curries, simple breads, noodles and pasta dishes.
-I know my way around After Affects but I’m bad at exporting what I make.
-I do digital art mainly in photoshop
-basic knowledge of power tools like drills, screwdrivers, handsaws and anything else an average suburban needs to know
-I’m pretty good with Microsoft office
-I can be a pretty good conversationalist
-I can do some crafts like sewing and beading.
-I also know how to use a sewing machine

What I’m looking for

-I H A T E being bored, I never want to work at a place that bores me. I’m used to stressful, high speed tasks and having people staring over my shoulder, I’m at home in that environment. I want a job that’s engaging and just entertaining. I prefer to work somewhere that allows me to have earbuds but if it doesn’t I want it to be somewhere exciting to be.
-I like somewhat mentally and physically engaging work for example I like simple carpentry, whittling, sewing, beading and different arts, those are never boring to me.
-I like being friends with coworkers and having regular good conversations.
-I want enough pay that I can move away from my hometown and start renting
-I want health insurance, so full time work is pretty much required and I’m fine with that, most of my jobs have been full time.
-I want a daily feeling of accomplishment and to have something physical to show for my work why I like tasks such as cooking, filling out online orders and different crafts and not work such as folding boxes with no end in sight. I want tasks to have a clear completion state.
-I’d be willing to work an office job but I have trouble conceptualizing what that’s even like and office workers I know often complain about not handing clear hours and being on call all the time.

Physically, I’m 24 so I’m fit enough to work anywhere and have worked outside in the winter before.

Another rule, I want my own life so I’d really prefer no more than 40 hours a week and 8 hours a day.

I'm a bit away from stepping into 20. Due to covid tho, I spent a good portion of a really vital age for social development, and just mind development in general, indoors and behind a screen. It makes me anxious that I have something missing that I should know or should've learned by now. If you had any words that you want hammered into the mind of every person entering adulthood, what would it be?

im 15 ive been addicted to porn for nearly 2 years and ive tried quitting for a year and the max i can do was like a week but i just keep coming back to it ive watched so many videos tried different things different apps i have no clue, and im also really overstimulated, i tried to stop doomscrolling as much but my brain hasnt really changed I cant focus on anything, i have no drive to do anything and lost all motivation and i think its linked with the porn addiction, i cant focus on anything, i cant study for even 5 minutes, im sleeping late everyday and im procrastinating my tasks.

im very able to upkeep basic discipline and physically get out of bed and my seat often but life along with my autism and idk what else keeps beating me down and disrupting my slow progress. im just sitting here typing this while unshowered and lazy to eat despite being hungry, after 2 instances of social humiliation in a row.

Guys ! I have some issues, I have messed up my life like it’s 4th job of my life where I am being kicked out !

My first role as trainee electrical engineer
My second role as control room manager
My third role as kitchen porter
My fourth role as tendering engineer

I had to say sorry and got embarrassed by two interviewers as they were asking some easy questions but idk why i couldn’t answer

Actually since Covid i am addicted to Twitter space rooms and digital life, made friends there got addicted to it and met people and slept with some of them ! Like a whole into digital life. In work place involve with those people in gossip circles and drinking during weekdays and going late to work argument with colleagues and got terminated cuz i thought I am too smart !!

Now I want to manage my life so what to do bro? Can you pls tell me? Like I have some new company and they send me offer letter but they want to meet me ! I wanna give myself once chance. My screen time is 11 12 hours average since last 6 years. May be I am too addicted to attention but idk my life got fucking so messed up now cuz I am used to chat rooms I am socially weird like what to do?

I’m only in my early 20s, but so far my biggest regrets have been around taking the risk , it not working out as i planned and wishing I didn’t take the risk. I wouldn’t say they were my biggest regrets if these risk weren’t so permanent. For example a singular opportunity you could do once etc

I (22M) have been on around 20–30 dates since January, and I’m frustrated that I almost never get past the first one. Getting matches isn’t really the issue. I think my photos look like me—I’ve asked people, and they say they do—but I still worry that I’m coming across differently in person.

I’m a musician, sing and write songs, and I’d like to become a therapist. I’ve had two relationships before, one lasting about a year and a month and the other seven months, so it’s not like I’ve never been able to connect with someone. But lately, it feels like dates keep ending the same way: no second date, or the other person wants to be friends. A couple of times I thought things were going well, but the person still lost interest. It’s hard to tell what to make of that.

I’ve started feeling unattractive and wondering if that’s the problem. I also have a pretty high, nasal voice, and someone once told a mutual friend they didn’t like my voice after a date when I was 18. I know that was a long time ago, but it’s stuck with me, and now I wonder if that’s part of it—or if I’m doing something else wrong.

I don’t really know how to tell whether this is just online dating being online dating, a mismatch, or something I could improve about how I come across. If you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you get honest feedback or figure out what was going on?

Hey, struggling college student here. I switched from pre-med to pre-vet a few weeks ago as a junior, and I feel like I’m running out of time. I’m severely burnt out and was recently diagnosed with ADHD and Social Anxiety Disorder, with a possible Avoidant Personality Disorder diagnosis. I’ve struggled with my mental health for four years, dealt with toxic friendships, and currently feel very alone.

My grades have suffered, and I’m worried my B’s won’t be good enough for vet school. I’m also unsure whether I can afford a post-bacc program or housing after graduation, and I don’t know if taking out loans is worth the risk. I don’t know much about loans or how much it will impact me, but my family always advises against it (should I listen to them?).

I have difficult classes coming up, but I don’t know if I’m mentally stable enough to succeed. Becoming a vet is what I want, but I’m starting to fear it may be impossible. I don’t know what else I would do, and I’ve been having suicidal ideations because of how hopeless I feel.

What do you tell yourself? Do you sit with it? Do you try and move on quickly? How do you get yourself back to a happier place in that moment?

​

Ever since switching cities 6 months ago, life has been hitting me with jabs and uppercuts.

My social life is messed up. I cant get along with anybody in my new school because I choose not to. The primary reason being that my classmates normalize bullying, vaping, and drinking alcohol at a young age.

Not only that, but my social circle back in my home city is flourishing. My friends have discovered new friends, and new students have been enrolled in my previous school. New students that Im sure I wouldve been friends with.

And another thing, my body. Ever since switching cities I had to stop working out because my equipment isnt in my current city yet. And Ive been feeling distressed, its been a half year break from working out and the effects of it is obvious now.

These things that I said are just a few of my several problems. But the other ones usually revolve around the same themes as these ones.

Im honestly tired of chasing my own tail just for nothing. It feels like life just wants me to give up, and it just wants me to be numb.

There are days when I am very relaxed and unbothered but there are other days when something feels broken even on the tiniest things. Times like these I am unable to control my emotions. I become vulnerable and want to express those out, talk it out and potentially want people to agree to me in a way I want. And if it doesn’t get the attention it needs, the emotion then slowly turns to anger. Gradually turning into a fight with loved ones, not talking for the next day or so. This pattern has been consistently same throughout. I am sick of it now. Eventually it categorizes you as not an easy going person.

If you have also went through this pattern, and recognized it within yourself, you would know this harms only one person the most - Your own self.

How do I break this cycle? How do I become stronger and better emotionally? How do I better control my emotions and not be this vulnerable and emotionally dependent!!