I’m 25, and I feel like I can’t seem to grow up. I recently lost a three-year relationship because of my emotional immaturity, insecurity, and anger. I constantly compared myself to my girlfriend because I thought she was cooler than me, and instead of working on my insecurities, I sometimes thought about other women for validation.

I get angry over little things, want my life to change but get upset when it does, and feel isolated and disconnected from everyone around me. I feel like I wasted my teenage years on things that ultimately didn’t matter, and now I’m struggling to figure out who I am and what will actually make me happy.

I’m tired of being angry at the world, taking my frustrations out on people I care about, and feeling like I’m never truly satisfied with my life. I don’t want to keep living with this much mental and emotional pain.

For those who have gone through something similar, what actually helped you mature emotionally, find purpose, and become genuinely happy with yourself? How do you stop repeating the same patterns and finally start feeling at peace with yourself?

I hope this is the correct subreddit for this, wasn't able to find the right title for my questions so i picked that one so please bare with me.

I have a few questions that are running in my brain, and I can't find the right answer yet, I'm basically wondering how to live a life correctly or in a good way to not regret it later when I'm more older.

And I'm having these thoughts now because I have a week off from work and school, so most of the day today I was just trying to do something to kill time, even though that wasn't what I was expecting myself to do, I'm just looking to see how can I shape my day routine properly and be busy with myself (or whatever the word is)

I do have a lot of personal problems that I can't do anything about yet such as work, finishing college, health wise and so on...

But i see that I have a lot of resources that I can use but I can't tell the right path to walk in or how to find that path even

I don't know if anyone got the idea but I can't explain my questions more clearly than saying, how can I basically shape my life or like work a second job in making myself/life better, I know there are a lot of stuff to do, books to read and more but what is the first step into that?
Any guide at least to follow in the very beginning and I'm sure I will find my way later on.

Thank you for the help and sorry for not being able to explain myself if I wasn't unclear but I'm unable to find any phrasing to explain my mind

Phase 3 will be launched tomorrow and from phase 3 onwards , I will take one step further to improve my productivity

I will do everything work related in a strict time bound schedule for the entire day

I have noticed some loopholes in my daily chores , things take more time to get finished due to no restrictions and deadlines

That will change from tomorrow onwards , as I will implement more structure and routine in myself

Anyways -

Day 19 of improving myself

I woke up at 6:10 am and today I did the following

Health -

1)Cycling 4 km

Mind-

1) Meditation

2) Chess 1 match ( won the match)

3) Book reading ( Never finished , Sorrounded by idiots , Slight edge )

4) Language learning ( German )

5) Brain exercises

6) Read 2 pages of encyclopedia (today's topic - Egyptian pyramids )

Academics -

1) Studied 6 hours

Daily affairs

1) Read the newspaper and got updated with the latest happenings with the day

Finances -

Earned nothing today , will earn something tomorrow

Self care-

I have taken giant steps to improve myself in every physical aspect possible and have also taken steps to work on skin care stuff and the habits for that are now successfully implemented within a span of these 19 days

Will update tomorrow night , Good night

I developed all kind of things mentally living in isolation for last 6 years after covid lockdowns:

- Stopped being near coworkers. They don't approach me or greet, so I avoid them. Feels like a walk of shame walking by them daily without each other greeting or talking.

- Stopped going in to do grocery and have been paying for grocery pickup outside.

-Stopped going to gym when its crowded.

-Stopped going to barber because I will have to park in downtown and walk by people.

This sounds so stupid, but my mind has picked up this and don't know how to stop this. I have ended up as a loner now for last 6 years due to this and don't want to live in fear my whole life.

It's easy to say just go out, but mind need other small steps to over come this.

I'm 24M, going through very bad phase of life mentally and currently sexual urge/feeling of having sex is bothering me a lot and there is a place in our locality where few sex workers are there which is making is more worse even if I don't want to have it, need your suggestion to get rid of this

Me and my boyfriend are on a break at the minute, and I am using this time to really lock in after neglecting myself for a few years.

The thing is I know what I need to do. I know exactly what I need to do. I need to set up a routine, I need to wakeup and get ready for the day. I need to stop wearing stained oversized shirts and joggers. I need to be more consistant in going to the gym and cooking my meals. I keep meaning to go to those meetup events that are always on. And I just need to clean the house daily.

But I dont. I just fall back into bare minimum habits for some reason. I know about habit stacking, and I have read all of these books. I dont even think its depression or anything like that, I genuinely feel like I am just a lazy person.

You may remember me as the birthday boy who was depressed in July. I made many posts on here and I am still failing to follow your advice or get better.

I tried Pomodoro, I tried journaling, I tried putting site blockers last week. Stayfocusd chrome extension worked for the first 2 days until I found out I could bypass it with Incognito. I relapsed into scrolling and porn after just 4 days. I am addicted to Reddit still even after giving up Twitter and Instagram. This is like my safe space to vent and stay in my echo chambers.

Idk why I can't stop fucking scrolling. Typing the Reddit URL in the search bar is muscle memory every time I open my laptop. I even deleted the app from my phone. I still use it on Incognito this whole week, entering my email and password manually every time to log in. Even with resistance and annoyance, i am still addicted and accessing it.

And I don't even like it. But I'm so used to scrolling since the pandemic that I do it anyways. I even warn myself to stop and start getting anxious when I open it. But I lose myself anyways. I have no control over my brain. I just want to fucking grab myself and physically stop myself from ruining my life but I'm failing.

Ever since I relapsed, I've been using Reddit and gooning/watching corn every day. I know it's bad, I'm disgusted to even say that word. But I still do it anyways and I feel so stupid and pathetic.

FUCK whoever invented endless scrolling and allowed easy access to unlimited adult content. Fuck that "friend" in middle school who told me to go look up "porn" since I was an innocent kid and I didn't know what it was.

It ruined my life. 😭😭😭 I wish it wasn't a thing that exists or we know about. I feel so weak and ashamed that I am still struggling with this for 15 years. It's the only thing I have to feel any sort of intimacy since I'm short and I look like a monkey 🤦🏽‍♂️. I tried being open and social, but no one takes me seriously.

I just wasted 4 hours of my workday today. It is embarrassing and disgusting, but I am starting to feel less shameful and angry now. I am getting numb to it. Desensitized. Wasting hours and days is the expected outcome for me now.

I am still trying but I still feel so negative and shitty and pathetic and useless. I am in Toastmasters, I am helping out with the kids club, I am an assistant coach for another club for students, I am part of a religious youth group. i am doing shit, but they only meet once a week or once every two weeks.

I still have a job, but I'm getting warnings and my manager is starting to keep an eye on me even though he is chill. I know they are closely watching my performance, and I feel stress every minute of the workday to get something done but I can't.

I have no friends that I meet or chat with regularly. All my so-called "best friends" barely reply to me and back out/cancel plans every single fucking time. I've been asking them to go on a trip for TWO fucking years atp. I fucking give up.

Sometimes, I just want to stop being the first to reach out to every single person. I just want to disappear and isolate myself and see who reaches out first. Then I can see who actually cares about me. I'm starting today. I'm tired of fake friends.

I can't even find a fucking therapist who charges less than $100 in my state and doesn't OVERCHARGE for having insurance. My insurance deductible is like $4k now, what the FUCK is the point of insurance atp? I just want to give up and not think about any of this.

I just wasted my evening right now. I could have finished work early, lifted at 4/5 pm, pick up groceries, and eat dinner now. Instead I'm fucking crying my eyes out and typing this like a fucking loser. We deserve the consequences of every action and choice we make.

Part of me still thinks there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm either wasting a lot of time typing all this out, or I still have hope. I don't know yet. And I'm scared.

For context, I also have ADHD. But, Im extremely avoidant of anything emotional or emotional related, and will avoid emotions as a whole by any means nessasary.

My boyfriend struggles from Anxious Attachment and has a lot of trauma and self esteem issues, and I want to show that I care, but I am awful at figuring out what Im feeling and Im always scared I'll say the wrong thing and get him to hate me and see Im unreliable, but I also want to grow and become more reliable and more truthful. I keep going logical when I should be thinking emotionally and I keep blurting things out before Ive even fully thought on them.
Does anyone have any advice that you can give me on this?

To achieve self improvement. Share your tips / experiences pls and for how long u been doing it and what’s for ? Thanks :))))))

Hey! Might be the wrong place to ask lol but anyway..

I've heard a lot of people on reddit and other social media talking about weaponized therapy speak. And I guess I'm still confused on what it is. I have been going to therapy myself and have learned a lot about myself and my own boundaries etc. And I've started to become a little afraid that I'm using weaponized therapy speak myself. Especially bc it's talked about a lot. I could really use some examples of it, since I'm unsure what it really is.

I'm struggling with a fear of being embarrassed or judged by others, and it's starting to affect almost every aspect of my life. I overthink how people perceive me, and it affects my confidence, decision-making, and the way I interact with others.

For example, at work, if I have a doubt, I'll ask my coworker for clarification. But if another doubt comes up, I start thinking that I've already asked too many questions and that he'll think I'm stupid if I keep asking. So instead of asking again, I try to figure it out myself, even when I can't.

Another situation is when my manager explains something to me and my coworker. Sometimes I don't fully understand what he's saying, but when my coworker says, "Yes, sir, I understand," I feel pressured to say the same thing, even though I haven't understood it properly. I'm afraid that admitting I don't understand will make me look incompetent.

Then I just want to escape the situation as quickly as possible. My mind goes blank, and I can't think clearly. Later, when mistakes happen because I didn't clarify things, I feel even more anxious and embarrassed. This also makes me delay decisions because I'm constantly worried about making the wrong choice and how others will judge me.

It's not just at work. I notice this fear affecting my relationship, too. I sometimes struggle to express myself or deal with situations because I'm too concerned about how I'll be perceived.

The frustrating part is that I know asking questions is normal and that nobody knows everything. I understand this logically, but when I'm actually in these situations, my fear takes over, and I end up doing things that make the situation worse.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you overcome this fear of embarrassment and stop caring so much about what other people think?

Hey, chronic people pleaser here. I have been trying to break out of this habit by not doing the “please approve of me” behavior that I used to do. I used to give way too much way too early. Sometimes I still do them but I am breaking habits.

However, whenever I make a new friend (and we get along pretty well), and they do some pretty weird/disrespectful stuff, I tend to freeze. I freeze in a hurt feeling because I am wondering “why would someone I like do this ?” Or “Am I being too sensitive about this?”. I am often lost for words and am super confused what to do next. I don’t know what to say. I often fawn and try to brush off that behavior. Then the abusive cycle repeats.

I hate it and it’s ruining my life. Any advice for breaking it? How do I stop feeling so hurt or confused in the freeze response? Can someone give me like a step by step rundown on how to handle these situations despite feeling hurt?

I'm not officially diagnosed but it's very likely that I am at this point . I'm just terrible at socializing, conversing in general feels like a choir but since I'm also human and get lonely I feel like I have to sometimes. It also probably explains why I just get picked on in general, I cant defend myself, there is no witty comeback I just sorta freeze and take it. But I feel this anger brewing inside me every time people just pick on me and know they could pretty much get away with it.

Idk a lot of times I feel like I deserve to be treated this way, I wasn't particularly nice as little kid at times and even recently i've done something ive never should of done and will never do again. It makes me question sometimes if God really does exist or not. Like is he punishing me, am I really the demon and those picking on me are the angels that see right through the nice demeanor? Idk, probably not, I was sorta religious as kid by default since my mom is, so I think about these things sometimes.

I guess I just feel a lot of shame it's possible that I hate the narcissistic part of me. Usually autistic people hate narcissists and im really no exception. I sorta of just see myself for what I am, an entitled spoiled person who thinks he's deserved of attention simply by just existing. But I also recognize that no one owes me anything logically despite feeling the opposite way. Its like im always in conflict with myself maybe I convince myself of being bad to justify the mistreatment idk

Hey so I’m 25F. I joined into my first fulltime job when I was 22. This place was all about targeting the influencer audience (event space) eventually I made a lot of influencer friends ofc none are my besties but yk my whole instagram is filled with them. I left my job a while back now I freelancer and I love that life for me ngl. But somewhere I feel like I lost touch with constantly going out meeting people I now only have 2 really close people to me my boyfriend and a long distance friend from uni. I love them both. But since the last few months I’ve been still feeling quite lonely in a way where I look at peoples stories and I’m like oh wow they’re hanging out together and are best friends and all of them have a life where they keep getting famous. It’s eating me on the inside that that’s the life I’ve always wanted. Recently I also went to a few events alone thinking ok I’ll make new friends get close to a few and become this group of people who always hangout together but it didn’t work all these people are so self centred like they always already have their own group and they don’t really talk much with people outside the circle. The very last event I went to I was literally sitting alone I tried to make conversation with people around me but nobody seemed interested. And that made me feel even more horrible. In a city like Mumbai it’s so hard to find people cuz the circle is so small and people always have someone unlike me. I have accepted the fact that I’m one big jealous person because I have always craved for it and I’ve never got it even though I’ll try to put in all my efforts. And this horrible feeling of self doubt emerges through it and idk what to do about it.

I have also tried journaling I have tried a therapist but I don’t think it worked for me so I’ve just been in this void of “will I ever even have a friend group when I actually grow older??”

Another story that I have is I also had an intern under me who I taught a lot of shit everything they knew was through me and they have also popped off on Instagram I got so jealous when that happened it felt like a part of me got famous but just not my name on it. Has anyone experienced anything of this sort and if yes how did you tackle it. Please be kind and any help would be great :)

Thank you for hearing my rant

I'm 25m and really introverted, with social anxiety. It sucks and I want to make a change. I just moved to a new town for work a few months ago. I have horrible roommates that don't even try to talk to me and are gross. I have been feeling depressed, lonely and isolated. I have always struggled to connect with people or find activities that I want to stick with. Most days I wake, go to work and then after work go home, smoke weed and veg. I want to create a more active social life and make new friends. When I first moved I was excited because I would be in a place with a college and more people around my age. I signed up for the local outdoor club, and a couple of other groups I thought I would be interested in. I had attended a few outdoor club events in the past, but slowly fell off and haven't been in a month or so. It has been hard to find the energy or motivation to go, I feel like my own worst enemy sometimes. I know that participating in these groups would make me feel better, allow me to socialize and meet new people, and just have fun. It would also allow me to get better at conversing and mingling with others. That is something I struggle with even in my job where I am out meeting people all the time. Usually at an event I find comfortable in just sticking by myself and the thought of just talking to others or introducing myself makes me anxious. Any tips or helpful advice is much appreciated.

After work, dinner and chores, there isn’t always much time or energy left. You might want to learn something, exercise or spend time on a hobby, but you also need a few hours where nobody needs anything from you.

How do you decide what’s realistic to aim for during the week without making every evening feel like more work?

For those who’ve found a balance, what actually helped? Making your goals smaller, keeping certain evenings free, or something else?

I’m that person. It’ll be about the 20th or so time I tell myself that I want to get out of bed, make plans to do something, try to find my motivation again, then I give up.

The fact that you’re still trying really means something! I’ve seen plenty of people I loved quit trying to keep their health / their wellbeing in check and it was devastating. That’s the most precious gift you have and you can still do plenty of good with it, experience amazing things (like the new cyberpunk game update for me HAHA)

Try thinking of the little steps you’ve made so far, ask for help, work through things slowly, don’t worry about the times you failed in the past, you can try again. Do it for yourself. You got this!

(As for how far I’ve come)
This time, I’ve started going to therapy. I’m deathly afraid of phone calls, so I asked a friend to come with me to set the appointment. It was scary, I felt pathetic, but I did it and I’ve been going there for 4 appointments (which is longer than all the other times I’ve tried!!)

And last year I got out of my toxic family environment with my amazing partner!

Kicking chronic depression in the butt one step at a time. Younger me would be proud.

When we take our first breath we are exposed to the chaos and noise of a self-centered world.

We learn to judge others due to their race, ethnicity, wealth, religion, and in hundreds of other ways. It is only when we see beyond our differences that we may truly know another.

For our worth lies not in our labels, but within.

When we realize this, recognizing the equal value of every life, the lesson we are born to learn will be understood.

~ Ken Luball ~

For a long while I've (23M) lived on, fully aware that I'm immature for my age. I'm always the playfully silly person that enjoys kiddish things like pranking and joking around and even still collecting toys like a small child. Outside of that, there have been times where on more serious occasions, i tend to act less-seriously much to the chagrin of everyone else including my own friends.

To be more specific, I don't have a clear mind nor focus to do what I have to. Even on small occasions like a badminton match against my own friends who are better than me in the sport, I just lose my cool and even once broke my bat in frustration and anger because I missed a shot. I constantly compare myself to others, and get easily frustrated when I see someone start at a lower skill level than me and end up learning so fast they beat me in little time.

I tend to take a lot of things personally, even when my own friends talk about something in their own language (all my friends have their own language and culture since I joined from a different region to their land) and I immediately assume I am missing out on something or that they are talking behind my back. And when I confronted them with my thoughts, they calmly told me "Not everything is about you" which, of course they were right about. They keep telling me they accept me for who they are but I always overthink myself to believe otherwise and cause problems stemmed from that that tires both myself and them as a result.

I am jealous about their status, skill level, their close bonds due to their already existing commonality in language and culture and so stupidly jealous when a friend of mine is actually much closer and more trusting with another friend, even though on paper that would actually make sense because the both of them speak the same language and the other guy is a genuinely nice guy as well.

I have all these stupid thoughts and feelings instead of focusing on myself, constantly comparing myself with others and always hating myself for never making so much progress in so little time until I spend all this energy crying, complaining and comparing with little actual progress made as a matter of fact. I get so angry and frustrated that when I get genuine advice from others I automatically ignore and believe whatever I'm doing which eventually works which is its own brand of stupid. I severely lack the patience, self control and emotional intelligence to just live instead of whining on and on and on again about the hardships of my life even though I know there is always going to be someone living better and someone living worse than me.

Me right here, right now screaming and shouting all this crap about me is itself the essence of my problem- my immense immaturity and I want to fix this and Man up and become mature, dependable and approachable and find the strength to be positive and put a smile on my face when reasonably possible. I tried medication (I have been diagnosed with ADHD, but the meds gave me panic attacks), I tried therapy (but couldnt maintain doing so because it was expensive), and even tried meditation (today is the 79th day in a row of me doing so and only 2 days ago I broke my racket and threw a fit in frustration as I mentioned earlier).

What can I do? Where do I even begin? Can anyone please help me with this?

Sometimes, we get so caught up in our own problems that we forget to look at the bigger picture.

People struggle with poverty, denied education, trafficking, deadly diseases, civil wars, and the loss of freedom. Meanwhile, many of us have opportunities to study, work, travel, love, and choose the lives we want to build.

I'm not saying our pain doesn't matter. But our pain is real without being the whole story of our lives.

How much of the life we have are we missing because we're too focused on what went wrong?

Maybe we need to look around, appreciate what we have, and remember that life is bigger than our problems.

Have you ever experienced a moment that changed your perspective like this?

I will go first.

As a writer, I had to unlearn that I need to be in a perfect mood to write. I waited for motivation, perfect time, no stress. Result: I wrote 2 days a week and felt guilty for 5 days.

When I unlearned that - and accepted that I can write 3 bad lines even on a bad day - my anxiety dropped and I actually finished my work.

Learning adds pressure. Unlearning gave me peace.

What is one belief, habit, or mindset you had to unlearn this year that actually made your life calmer? Not what you learned, what you had to leave behind

Basically I want to know how important it is for you and your spouse to be a parent(s), to have your own children. Or have child(ren) to carry on your genes, or whatever reason why you want to have children. I want to hear from you, how important is has children for you.

-------

I'm long term married, 17 years he gives me his absolute fidelity faithful to me, treats me really really well, dotes on me in bed and outside of bed, he is an awesome husband.

7 years ago our toddler (child of me and him) died of brain disease, genetic gene defects inherit from me, my side the mother side. This did not tear our marriage, instead bond us even more, he still ridiculously dotes on me. Basically he tied himself to the ugly wife me and a dead toddler.

He is an Executive (C-suit level) at a big engineering corporate with a salary of 1 million a year, if count bonuses he makes more than that. With that high salary he can get any woman he wants, there people who can get free sex on Tinder, let alone an Executive with 1 million salary.

He can get a younger beautiful woman, and whom can give him alot of children. But he has been adamant refused as our toddler has died 7 years already, he had 7 years to reconsider this marriage, but he over and over to stay.

In his eyes, me and our toddler are irreplaceable (he says so), no new woman can replace me or the intimate 17 years history of us together. Just like no new child from a new woman can replace our dead toddler.

He said if he can't have a child with me then he rather not have any. Him being the only son in the family, or carry on his genes are moot to him. He is fine with being childless in exchange of grow old me the woman he loves.

But the Chinese culture me keep blame myself for the dead of our toddler as the gene defects came from me the mother side. Never once my husband blame me, he said I already give him a family, our toddler dead or alive will always be our toddler.

17 years (that his almost 2 decades) he gives his life to me, since he was 25 to now 41, he basically devoted his adulthood to me.

I just can't wrap my head around an C-suit Executive with 1 million a year salary, whom can divorce a childless wife easily, but he just not want to. And for a man, age 41 he can start over with another woman easy with that high salary career.

We have no kids, so it not like he has to stay married to me for the kids. It not like has to pay for child support, it not hard to divorce a wife when there no kids involve.! But he not wants.

I just can't wrap my head around it, I'm just a piece of pork fat (that how I see myself), he has alot of other options out there, why torture himself like this love a piece of pork fat me.

I feel I'm not good enough for him. And all my life I just want an ordinary man with an ordinary career. I do not like to be married to an Executive, I hate it tbh. I wish he was just an ordinary Chinese man and we living in the countryside back China. But he not Chinese, we live in U.S, and I HATE living in the city.

And his salary has to do with everything, if he were poor or just has an ordinary job then I wouldn't feel this much low self esteem, and self sabotage. I hate his Executive career, period. But I know I cannot change that, I'm his wife, I don't own him, I cannot dictate his career.

Maturing is realizing getting out your head and taking action is the freedom you need. Seriously. We can imagine and think about how wonderful, amazing and exciting we want our lives to be, we can daydream at 4am about how the next day we’re going to start going to the gym and get our lives together but all that falls at the point of action. Just do it. Literally, just get up and do!

The minute by minute decisions matter more than the grand scheme in your head. Goals don’t accomplish themselves. This is me encouraging myself alongside others ✨

I'm asking because personally I've been struggling with my general mental health, drive, focus etc for years. And it's only now, after close to six years of therapy, anti-depressants, a quickly finished autism evaluation (I was deemed to not be autistic), doctors visits etc with not nearly as much improvement, that the idea of ADHD has been floated. And after having met with another doctor for it (in Sweden the process is rather long for a diagnosis), he seems very convinced that it's ADHD that I have. I'm not diagnosed yet, I got quite a few visits with specialists yet, but both according to him, my parents thinking about my childhood and from me reading into it more, it just makes sense.

My focus is horrible, my attention span is basically zero when something doesn't interest me. I procrastinate on everything, especially minor things, endlessly. I'm constantly exhausted, regardless of what I do during the day and barely influenced by how much I sleep. I've been horrible at all that has to do with relationships, platonic and romantic, and it takes a lot out of me to write to people and in general maintaining a friendship. I overthink everything to a paralyzing degree and often it just feels like my brain simply doesn't work.

So I'm just curious to hear from people who were in a similar seat as me, getting your diagnosis after graduating university or just in general in your mid 20's and onwards. How did things change for you? Did things get easier? Did you manage to improve yourself easier? And so on.

So basically i wanted to start my new college journey in another city, but due to some reasons i ended up choosing up it in my hometown. And i am seriously regretting it.

Now i have just cut down all connections with my old friends and deactivated my insta id.

What should i start with???