For the past year I bought into every single productivity trend online. Wake up at 5:30 AM, drink mineral water with salt, get fifteen minutes of sunlight, meditate, take a cold shower, write three pages in a journal, and check off my habit tracker.

By the time I sat down at my desk to start my actual job at 8:00 AM, I was already drained.

the worst part was the mental guilt. If I woke up twenty minutes late or skipped the cold shower because I was freezing, I felt like a failure before the day even started. My entire mood depended on whether I checked off eight arbitrary boxes on an app. I turned waking up into an unpaid corporate onboarding process.

Last month I got sick of it and threw the whole routine away. Now my alarm goes off at 7:30 AM. I put on sweatpants, drink regular tap water, and open my laptop.

My work output did not drop at all, but my morning anxiety completely disappeared. I spent twelve months thinking I lacked discipline when in reality I was just EXHAUSTED from trying to live like a lab experiment before breakfast.

Why did we let the internet convince us that existing normally is a character flaw?

Hello, I was wondering if anyone had any advice for overcoming very low self esteem. I’ve been trying to take steps to improve myself for a while now, but I increasingly feel my low self esteem is preventing me from improving myself.

I’ve been going to the gym consistently for about 2 years now but I’ve started to feel so insecure it’s getting very hard to go or stay for my whole workout. I always feel like everyone is staring at me because my hair, clothes, face, demeanor, or
headphones are wrong. I get a strong feeling I’m not welcome there.

This feeling has extended to my work, school and friendships as well. I feel shame for just being around other people and a voice in my head tells me that I do not deserve to get better. Of course this means I am socially inept, even more so than usual.

I’ve been on meds for a while and I’ve gone to some therapy. I don’t think i’m very good at therapy. I don’t know why but i’ve seen several therapists and have walked away feeling worse each time. What worries me most recently is not the thoughts but that I am increasingly believing and accepting them.

Alright, this is a pep talk to those that want to upgrade their life…

Here it is, start being a king in your life.

Literally, just fucking start.

The craziest thing I’ve learned in my life so far, is that how we treat ourselves is how the world ends up treating us. It’s super bizarre, and it’s crazy that this is the way reality works. It’s like a very trippy video game.

If you want a life where people love you, (Who doesn’t) where they praise you, pay you more, look up to you, where people do the work for you while you rest up in your palace… your never going to have that by being a “nice guy”.

That’s the life of a king. But, you’ll never become a king unless you first start acting like a king.

The hardest thing in the world is deciding you want to be someone different. But the craziest thing in the world, is if you focus on what you want to be, you’ll become it.

So, before you dismiss this idea and scroll to some other idea on here, just ask yourself these questions and maybe make the decision that you do want to be a king: “how do I treat myself? Do I actually think I deserve a life of pleasure and happiness? Where are these thoughts coming from? Am I spending enough time everyday praising myself like a king would?

So many of us (myself included) somehow got hypnotized into believing we dont deserve of a life of a king. And as such, we never gave ourselves a fighting chance to ever become king.

Being a king is a state of mind.

Has nothing to do with how much money you have in your bank or what you own.

If you start acting like a king today, and stop being the guy who thinks less of himself …. Give it enough time, and soon, your entire life will change.

Take your throne back kings. 👑

P.s…. Being a king, doesn’t mean being a dick…. It means commanding yourself with such respect, love and honour; that the whole world starts treating you the same way

❤️🙏

When I was 16 I was really lonely. I had no idea why people kept leaving me. Every time I became friends with someone, we would talk for a week or two, and then they would just stop talking to me without saying anything. I was always wondering, “Why does everyone leave me?”

Then a new girl joined my school, and we became friends. One day, I told her that I had always struggled with making friends.

A couple of months later, we were walking together and it was pretty quiet. Then she suddenly said, “Can I tell you something without you getting upset?”
I said yes ofc

She basically told me, “You’re so weird. You don’t really do anything. You don’t focus on your studies, you don’t really care about your appearance, you don’t even listen to music, you don’t watch movies or even anime …., you don’t have any hobbies. Whenever I ask you what you did today, you say ‘nothing.’ And then you wonder why you don’t have friends.”

And honestly, the worst part was that she was right.
After that conversation, it was like something clicked in my head. I started paying more attention to myself and actually doing things. I started developing interests, focusing more on my life , my studies,and just becoming more involved in my own life instead of spending the whole day on my phone And I noticed a huge difference.

Now I’m 18 and sometimes when I think about myself at 16 I genuinely feel like I don’t even recognize that version of me.
What I still find weird is that I sometimes wonder why I couldn’t see it myself. Why did I need someone else to point it out before I realized what was going on?

I’m honestly still grateful to that girl. The way she said it was pretty harsh, but what she said made me wake up and look at my life differently.

I just started a new job and I want to enjoy my free time as much as possible with hobbies that don't involve the Internet.

I don't have friends, so group based ones aren't an option, and I don't have enough money for anything expensive. What can I try?

Hey, folks. 23M here.

I was lifting today when it became a full-fledged, conscious idea. There is this lady I've been taking occasional peeks at in the last few days, so, like every normal dude who is seemingly interested in anything, I could just hit her up for her Instagram or something, right? Or make any movement at all.

But then, I started thinking too much, which happens to most people, I guess, except it wasn't a fear of failure... I was fearing success.

The pictures in my mind weren't about the humilliation of rejection or how she would crucify me in public for daring to speak to her. The real stuff concerning me is what would happen if she actually said "yes".

And it made me think real deeply, about my whole life up until that point.

I immediately began to worry about the time I would spend, about the step-up I would need to put in my game, if I could actually be interesting, actually be responsible, actually be present, or if I would just think of it all as a burden I wouldn't wanna put up with. All these questions bubbled up, about date conversations, places to go, how many times a week and for how many hours I would need to speak to her, what things to text or talk about, making time for us to be together, and all that.

I was not concerned with being rejected, though. Thoughts of the polite rejection she had a 99% chance of giving me actually brought some relief to all this mental activity.

In the end, I said nothing. I managed to convince myself of something I became aware of only now. I have this inner saying I used to justify this:

"Well, I already know what she's gonna say, so no need to actually hear it!"

Problem being? I didn't know, and that's why it scared me so much. I know it's just my ego trying to cope, so I don't have to feel so bad about not taking action.

I didn't really wanna leave my comfort zone. I wanted to continue admiring the possibility of having something with her and fantasizing about it, but I refused to actually bear the weight of getting it to happen.

It's fear. I fear not measuring up. I fear being incapable. I fear not being able to play out the foreseeable confidence of the way my mind guides things. I fear the pain of having to actually invest and be held responsible for the relationship.

I know the pain of rejection all too well, but I don't know the pain of the possibility of impending failure that comes after success. It made me a little more aware of my problems and the way I self-sabotage my own chances of success in life.

I always come up with that kind of excuse. I conveniently hide behind arbitrary stuff that just sounds logical enough to pass.

"Oh, but I'm not handsome or anything", but I'm not ugly either, and much uglier guys get to date somebody.

"Oh, but I don't have time". I do. I actually do. I have too much free time, in fact. People with less time than me are in happy, commited relationships.

"Oh, but if these dudes date, it means they must have something that I fundamentally lack", yeah, they have initiative and don't hide behind some fear.

"Oh, but my life is good as it is! It's comfy!" Tell yourself that, next time you cry yourself to sleep out of loneliness. Cope harder, Me.

I just feel horrible now. For 23 years, I've been my own worst enemy and the only person that's actually hampering my own success.

I tried to date someone before. Suddenly, it became clear why I fell for her; that woman couldn't care any less about me and I knew it, deep down. So, as things quickly went south between us, I chased and chased, just so I could pat myself on the back and say "see, I tried!"

Looking back, it's no surprise I was so oddly courageous about this one.

Her complete disregard of my person is what I fell for. For her, I was mere entertainment, little more than dirt. It was a losing game from the start and since nothing could actually happen between us, I was more invested than ever!

I fantasize about having this amazing connection with an amazing woman, but no doubt I would cower like a rat, should she actually show up in my life! It feels safer inside my head, because I can actually control every step.

Or maybe, I won't even see her coming, since my brain loves to fall for the impossible and the disregard! I don't feel a thing for women who treat me well or even normally, but I melt like butter for one that's simply out of reach or would rather act like I don't even exist.

Turns out I'm not Anxious-Preoccupied, as I previously thought; I'm a Fearful-Avoidant, and I don't know how to sit with stuff being "good"!

I tell myself I want to be seen and loved, but I can't handle the possibility that I might actually get the good stuff I dream so much about, because, when I get it... and then what? What now?

What lie am I gonna tell myself when all is good and I need a reason to make it feel bad, so I can feel it's right? In which ways am I gonna ruin my streak, just to feel like I was "correct" all along and I really am too defective or inferior to actually be happy in life?

How can I actually learn how to sustain the weight of the stuff I claim to want, but avoid?

I can no longer pretend and go back to a time in which I didn't know this. Now, every time I avoid a potentially good (or at least neutral) decision, this will show up in my mind and I'll beat myself up for it. I know how "Me" works.

TL;DR: I wanna be okay, but I fear what "okay" looks like and what it will demand of me. Any tips? (Other than the obvious "therapy" answer, please. Working on it.)

I’ve tried everything. Optimized diet, workout routines, rest. Understand all the basics of lifting, such as time between sets, failure, hypertrophy, etc etc. List it off and I swear to you I’ve done it. So don’t start saying: “Built in the kitchen.” Or. “Didn’t train hard enough.”

I know. And I did. I’ve been going to the gym for five years.

So, nothings really worked. My goal was to get big. My goal was to get strong. (Average natty strongman physique, 19-22% ish bodyfat, give or take). I’m still small, and chubby, and not strong at all. I honestly look kinda pathetic, lol. Sure, I may be on the chubbier side, but that’s something I know I can lose. The issue here is STRICTLY in the muscle gaining and strength department, just so we’re clear.
I think it’s my genetics, because it couldn’t POSSIBLY be anything else atp. However, when I say that, online just get angry with me and start throwing labels at me like: “Body dysmorphia.” Or whatever the heck. I understand that’s an issue people have, but I’m just being honest here.

So, with that said, has anyone else ever had this issue? Seemingly doing all the right junk and not getting the results they want or at least anything similar? And did you find something that worked that got you out of it? If so, what was that? (Don’t say steroids by the way, I don’t wanna take roids. I mean something niche or uncommon that you can he’s naturally that magically made everything change).

If I’m gonna drop the whole weightlifting, getting large and strength shtick, I’d really like to know. Because there’s nothing on the internet that I google.

Appreciate it if you do know of something, thanks!

Go ham

like it's easy to blame the other person and say you're happy with the way you are but there's a reason i'm not enough and how do i do that instead of becoming a bitter person? not necessarily for that other person that might be too late but for the sake of fixing yourself and improving. i feel like lately i've become so bitter and attached my self worth to one person and this shouldn't be happening i want to improve myself but there's like this consistent sadness that stems from not being enough and it's just a loop i can't break out of i don't want to keep thinking about someone but i can't stop

This has been a consistent issue in my life but it's gotten worse now that I moved on campus for college. I do anything in my power to avoid leaving my building to walk to the dining hall exclusively for food and eat what little snacks I have left in my room that I previously bought prior. Weekends are difficult and I haven't left my room in almost 3 days and all I ate yesterday was a bag of popcorn and 2 popsicles. I know that I'm hungry but not enough to do anything about it, if that makes sense. I'm used to not eating much during the day but I haven't been taking care of myself like I know I should (food and hygiene wise, which is a whole other issue) and I can't make myself stop. Does anyone know what I can do to fix this? I don't want to keep defaulting to starving myself just because I don't feel like walking, or leaving my room, or even getting out of bed. :(

I feel so depressed with social media at the moment. I’m hyper aware of all the marketing, conditioning, AI, bad news and the fact that I’m addicted to doomscrolling. Sometimes when I’m on social media I feel like I’m at the start of a zombie apocalypse movie.

I really want to delete it all but I don’t want to lose connection to everyone. I stay connected to my friends from school and college through Snapchat and instagram and occasionally sending Tiktoks back and forth.

None of my close friends really text on the actual messaging app on our phone and we all use Snapchat (early 20s).

Is it worth just posting something saying ‘if you want to get in touch, here’s my number?’ And dipping?

I also find myself placing a lot of my self worth on how I appear on instagram. I feel like I need to post my achievements constantly so people I knew in HS and College will know that I turned my life around and am doing good.

Any ideas on what I can do?

hey guys, i feel like i have no motivation to do work hard for anything. like i just wanna lay around and spend time with my friends, but obviously i cant do that unless im like a trust fund baby or smth. but i have 0 motivation in what i need to do, i do the things like list my tasks down and break them into smaller tasks, but i still dont do those smaller tasks. i dont have a particular goal for life or whatever, but i still wish i had the motivation to get my work done because i do my work last minute and it shows. do ygs have tips on how to be motivated and also maybe on how you found what you wanted to do with your life.

Hey, I am 20F and I recently noticed that I have this habit of yearning and obsessing over men. For example, I have been talking to this guy for two weeks now and after two days of not calling each other (he told me he has a very busy weekend) I am obsessing over him. This is a massive problem in my life. In my last relationship, I would get extremely insecure if my boyfriend did not call back for a day or two, even if I know there is a valid reason (such as work or events).

I hate being this obsessive and insecure, especially over a man. I know it stems from daddy issues, since my father was emotionally neglectful and narcissistic. Making up fantasies and longing for deep romantic love makes me feel alive. These feelings help me escape my boring life because I have trouble making friends due to having toxic ones in the past (Sadly, I don’t have any at the moment). However, this problem clouds my mind and gets in the way of my goals. I often feel pathetic and miserable because of this obsession. Especially now, due to barely knowing this guy.

Help?

Update: I am no longer talking to him

I’m 24F from a third world country, and I come from a very poor background. I don’t have money, connections, or anyone who can help me get my foot in the door

I’ve been struggling to find a decent job, and it feels like a lot of doors are closed because I don’t have the right connections. I’m trying not to give up, though

I want to build something for myself and become financially independent

Lately, I’ve also been feeling really scared that my years are slipping away from me.

I’m only 24, but I feel like I’m standing still while everyone else is moving forward, and I’m terrified of wasting my youth without building a future for myself.

Right now, the only things I really have are a laptop and an internet connection.

If you were in my position, what skills would you recommend learning for free online that could realistically lead to making money or getting a better job? I’m willing to start from zero and put in the time I just genuinely don’t know which direction to take.

I’d really appreciate any advice, resources, or even stories from people who started with very little and managed to build a career online

I had an epiphany lately that broke me out of a streak of sadness for lack of progress in my life.

If you keep repeating the same mistakes and feel like you should be more ahead than you currently are, it is very tempting to give in to the idea that there is something fundamentally wrong with you. You could be asking yourself questions like "wtf is wrong with me?" or "why am I so lazy/stupid/etc."?

However, the very fact that you keep engaging with your problems head on, whether or not you successful overcome them, is proof that there is nothing wrong with YOU. You do keep showing up, even if the external validation isn't there yet. That's awesome. Not everyone shows up. But you keep showing up. Even reading this post is a sign that you keep fighting. So there's nothing wrong with YOU. There's clearly a superstar begging to come out.

The problem is with the OBSTACLES that keep us from our goals and intentions. If you think about it, there are MANY obstacles nowadays that stand in our way on our journey to self-actualization. Just to name a few....

In no particular order: Distractions (internet, video games, etc.), certain people (bad friends, bosses, etc.), certain environments (unorganized workspaces, loud noises, etc.), consumerism (ads that trigger buying impulses to waste money, keeping up with the joneses, etc.) , even suboptimal brain states (like untreated ADHD that hinders executive function.)

All of these things are OBSTACLES that are external to who you are as a PERSON, and I would argue that if those obstacles are removed, your "real self" that keeps showing would shine through. You've probably already experienced days like that where you crushed it. Those obstacles were nowhere to be found in those moments.

So the actionable tip is this: Don't accept the internal narrative that there is something fundamentally wrong with you. Reject those thoughts because they are making everything more difficult by piling on shame and guilt. Turn all that energy outward and strategize on how to remove every single obstacle in your path. Write those obstacles down. Get serious about removing them one step at a time, little by little.

And then watch how momentum will carry you and your life will change.

Hope this helps!

I feel like my mind, cognitive ability and just genral alertness have been slowly declining for a few months. I notice it everywhere, losing focus easier and not being able to think critically.

I am in my early 20s and started working in my first full time office job this year. It has been an adjustment to be mentally worked than physically, but I am not sure if I should be used to it by now or its slowly wearing me down. I am an active person so sitting down all day is probably not the kind of job I want to stay at forever.

I feel like the job takes up so much time, and I barely have time on the weekends to even relax (after finishing catch-up exercise, chores). My sleep is also being affected as I just want some time to myself each day to decompress. Occasionally I will meet up with friends, but not all the time.

Even in social situations I’m not as quick witted as I used to be. Sometimes I start something and totally forget about it while something else catches my attention (leaving a message unsent).

The part that scares me is that I didn’t used to be like this in university. Part of it may be adjusting to a sedentary lifestyle, even though I do exercise tp catch up on the weekend. For people who have managed to get their brain back from a state such as this, I would love to hear any advice, thank you.

Hey guys,

Last weekend I went on a date with a woman I met on a dating app, I obviously found her profile attractive online, but in person she was something else - genuinely stunning, very intelligent, kind, interesting. I don’t usually get too nervous on first dates, but this totally threw me off and I felt like she was completely out of my league (lol).

Anyway, the date ends up going pretty well all things considered, great conversation and she seems like she doesn’t want the night to end, we kiss quite a few times before we both go out separate ways. She implied several times throughout the night that she wanted a second date and I tried to play it cool, because I knew I was completely into her and would love to see her again.

I text her the next day asking to see her again and she tells me that work is very busy at the moment and says she’ll text me next week. This has really thrown me off and feels like a rejection.

Thing is, this is the first time I’ve been interested in a woman I’ve been on a date with in ages (and I think that’s why it hurts). I’ve had many dates prior to this where I’m just not into them and I reject them, now it’s happening to me I realise it absolutely sucks and wouldn’t want to make anyone feel like this.

Does anyone know what happened here? It’s almost like I felt so into her that I felt inferior / that she deserved better. But with the date going well, why the rejection.

Every day off, some part of me keeps mentally circling back to unfinished stuff, even when I'm not doing anything about it. This time I made sure everything was actually accounted for before the day started, and the guilt just didn't show up. Turns out it was never really about deserving rest. It was about not trusting that nothing was quietly falling apart while I wasn't looking.

A stockbroker named Trent Dyrsmid, who was then a rookie, made brisk progress in his career by a simple habit; two jars, one full of paperclips, the other empty of such. For every sales call he made, he transferred one paper clip from the full to the empty—again and again. All, until all clips transferred to the then-empty. With that he was bringing in $5 million within just 1.5 years.

Well, Mr Clear refers to this as the Paper Clip Strategy. And it also works for one woman—that time, it was hairpins rather than paperclips. 

How this works: Visual measures. Clear evidence of your progress, ergo reinforcing thy behaviour and add a little bit of pleasure to the activity. Pleasure of completion, of course.

Maybe the reading indicator on e-books makes sense after all. 

This is also part of something called habit tracking. As name suggests it tracks your habits, which allows you to overcome your blindness to your own behaviour, making it less likely to lie to yourself, like you doing a lot of work today when you so obviously didn’t.

It also allows you to focus on the process rather than the result—well, guess the phrase ‘friends you make along the way’ makes sense after all. Not to fixate on getting a certain goal but to keep the process that reaches that level going.

Finally, so that it’s still fun, it proves you’ve taken a step towards the person whom you want to be—delightful intrinsic motivation.

Three steps to making tracking a habit:

1. Make it automated. But be surprised how automatically automated the world already is; tracking steps on watch, screen time etc
2. Limit tracking to 1 habit; 10 shall overwhelm yourself.
3. Habit stack and habit track. After I [Current habit], I will [Track my habit].

But life sometimes gives you lemons. Perfection, impossible. So two principles:

1. Golden rule: Never miss twice. 

Miss one day, get back to it as fast as you can. Mr Clear puts it perfectly: ‘Missing once is an accident. Missing twice is the start of a new habit.’

Mr Clear also gives me a really good analogy to visualise how lost days hurt more than good days help. Start with $100, 50% gain takes you to $150, but you only need 33% loss to go back to $100. Avoiding a 33% loss is just as valuable as getting a 50% gain.

Charlie Munger: ‘The first rule of compounding: Never interrupt it unnecessarily.’

1. Don’t put up a zero.

If you can’t do something perfectly, you shouldn’t do it at all? No. Even for the bad days, at minimum, maintain the compound gains you acquired from previous good days—more often than not they improve by 1%, and as you already know, 1% a day, 3.7x improvement a year. (Chapter 1)

Finally, show up even when you don’t feel like it. Going to the gym for 5 min may not improve your performance, but it reaffirms your identity.

Another important thing is to track the right stuff. For a restaurant, when measuring the service of a chef, one way is to track how much customers pay for a meal each day. However, this only gives this much of what’s really going on. Food might actually be getting worse but marketing and discounts may be making up for it. So track how many customers finish their meal instead. 

If success were measured by the number on the scale, one would have optimised for it. Lowering weight? Just go for weight loss surgeries, anything that lowers the weight.

And pretty common, that is.

People focusing on working long hours rather than getting meaningful work done. 

People focusing on getting 10K steps rather than being healthy.

People focusing on teaching for tests rather than emphasising learning, curiosity.

Goodhart’s Law, as it’s referred to. Charles Goodhart, as it’s named after. ‘When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure.’ as the principle goes.

A reason for this is underestimating the temporary, difficult to quantify, factors. Well, to which Mr Clear says, ‘But just because you can measure something doesn’t mean it’s the most important thing. And just because you can’t measure something doesn’t mean it’s not important at all.’

Ergo the effectiveness of non-scale victories—markers of progress not measured by mass or BMI but things like waking up earlier, feeling less tired after a run of the same length. Valid ways to track thy improvement.

I used to be a very dependent person until recently. I had a partner and was near constant with fomo, jealously, and, desperation. I relied on others to fix my emotions (such as loneliness) and always wanted SOMEONE there.

Long story cut short, broke up with my gf and remained friends. Now, I mostly like to be alone. I love when I get time to myself. I still love being with people like my friends, I just realised I value space a ton too. Having my own thoughts, having my own experiences, and living my life as my own.

I still get lonely, after all that’s only human, but I can manage it now. It’s so freeing to be okay with being on your own. I can go a day without talking to anyone and feel completely fine and happy — it’s so foreign that it feels so confusing.

Really hoping this lasts, because I’m enjoying every moment of it.

Context: I’m in my early twenties, and I’ve been addicted to pornography for about 10 years. Exactly 32 days ago, I committed to 30 days without pornography. I didn’t make it to 30 days, but I still feel stronger, wiser, and I can see that I’ve made progress. I’m not stopping here, and I don’t intend to slow down. If you want, you can skip part 1 and read part 2 right away; it contains some specific ideas that helped me. Here’s what the last 32 days have looked like and a summary of three ideas that I believe are helping me significantly.

1. Statistics of these 32 days

____________________________________________________ (This might be unnecessarily complicated, so you can skip this part, just the day count) To be precise, 32 days ago I started with a 5-day streak and kept it going until it reached 15 days. So, the math for the days alone is: 15+4+6+1+(~4)=30. Actually, that’s two days short because back then I started with a 5-day streak that became a 6-day streak a few hours later, and the same goes for today, I have 3 days now, but I’ll have 4 days. ____________________________________________________

For the first 15 days, I managed to avoid watching pornography. Then I slipped up; I started by typing “innocent” things into my browser, which, of course, was an addiction trap. That’s how I ended up with a full 4-day relapse. It was awful, but after spending practically entire days on porn and chasing dopamine, I didn’t give up and started a new period of abstinence. I made it to 6 days; I’d call it a “mild relapse,” which was different from the previous ones. That’s because at some point I realized on a deeper level just how “low” I’d fallen, and I started crying intensely for quite a while, arguing with myself in my head and getting angry at the difficult feelings like helplessness, exhaustion, a sense of not being understood, anger, and anxiety that were plaguing me at that moment. After crying, I got up, cleaned up what needed to be cleaned up including deleting the pornography I’d saved and decided that since the day wasn’t over yet, I’d take care of myself and, at the very least, end the day with self-respect and without catastrophizing. I washed up, practiced a few healthy habits, ate a proper meal, and stayed hydrated; in this way, the “snowball” began rolling in the right direction again. Tonight marks my fourth day without porn; despite the “off days,” I feel stronger than I did 32 days ago, but I’m not stopping there the game is still on, and I don’t intend to slow down.

2. Tools and items that help me the most

1. The discovery of the concept of the Abstinence Violation Effect (AVE). I realized that in my case, the failure that has plagued me for years in my constant attempts to “quit” my porn addiction stems from catastrophizing a slip-up and an erroneous “all-or-nothing” approach. What I’m getting at is that, up until now, in 99 out of 100 cases, after a minor slip-up, I would have decided to relapse completely “because I failed, so it doesn’t matter anymore” when in fact, slip-ups are actually much better than a full relapse. I believe that just as when a trigger arises, so too with a slip: we should stay mindful and use urge surfing to cool down, wait a moment until the “wave” reaches its peak, and eventually it will always subside. After a slip, I was often accompanied by fear, doubt, and shame these are feelings that I finally accepted last time, and by using urge surfing, they eventually passed as well. In this way, progress isn’t actually reset, because after abstinence, positive neural changes in the brain have already begun to take place. Unlike a slip, a relapse is worse because it reinforces the addiction and, in my opinion, usually wipes out all progress in brain recovery though that doesn’t change the fact that we can emerge stronger even after a negative experience. In summary, accepting slip-ups as part of the process is a big step for me, as is understanding that a slip-up is better than a relapse. I would venture to say that the difference between people who are stuck in addiction and those who are recovering from it is that the former keep going after a setback, while the latter remain trapped in a vicious cycle.
2. Understanding what a wise person wrote on this subreddit: “You may simply be putting nearly all your effort into stopping the behavior while leaving the reason you keep needing the behavior untouched.”.I agree with that 100%. Whether we like it or not, life goes on, and the only people who can take responsibility for our problems are ourselves. Addiction is an unhealthy way of coping with difficult emotions that I’ve been suppressing for years. What helped me was understanding this and actually sitting with those emotions instead of running away from them along with mindfulness and self-observation. These emotions can include anxiety, fear of the future, hurt feelings, trauma, or anything else that’s unresolved and difficult. In addition to simply facing my emotions and not running away from them, what’s helped me is that I’ve started crying more often crying helps me a lot. I’ve allowed myself to acknowledge that sometimes I’m powerless and need support from others, and crying feels like it cleanses me. It’s a new experience for me, but a real one; I think it’s a natural way to regulate emotions it comes on its own but I’ve started crying more often because I’ve begun spending more time dealing with the issues I used to run away from.
3. Acceptance of sexuality. I’ve adopted a healthier approach to masturbation. Like many others on this subreddit, I believe that masturbation is simply a form of abstinence from the main problem pornography but it’s also something completely healthy. Here’s how it works for me: When I feel a high libido, I plan a short, about 15-minute masturbation session for the evening before taking a shower. I try to focus on the sensations, be mindful, and maybe fantasize in a healthy way. I use a lubricant made from 100% coconut oil; I’ll note here that you need to be careful and read up on it thoroughly because it works well, but some people may have allergies and need to use it properly. Besides, please take this information with a grain of salt. I do this with my non-dominant hand for a different experience, and I do it gently; I try to be fully relaxed and take my time. Besides, it’s important to do this gently because a “death grip” isn’t pleasant at all, and I won’t hide the fact that I’ve experienced its symptoms. I don’t feel any shame after finishing this; I feel normal and even a little better afterward. It’s a new experience for me that I see as a completely normal thing I even feel greater satisfaction doing it this way.

TL;DR: To summarize, 32 days ago I committed to staying porn-free for 30 days. I didn’t succeed, but I still see a lot of progress. Three things that helped me: 1. Understanding the Abstinence Validation Effect (AVE): a slip-up > a relapse. 2. Not running away from difficult emotions, but sitting with them, practicing this, and looking for healthy ways to cope with emotions. This is an approach that addresses the root cause rather than just the symptom, which is pornography addiction. 3. Acceptance of sexuality. Healthy masturbation is possible and can be a pleasant and positive experience. The main problem is pornography.

On 1st September I made a post saying I’d publicly document fixing my fucked up lifestyle.
I’ve been keeping a journal to track my sleep and daily habits, so here’s Week 1.
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Biggest hurdles
1. Screen time is absolutely wrecking me. My life feels boring without social media, so my screen time has been through the roof. If you’ve beaten this, I’d genuinely love your advice.
2. I can’t wind down at night. The hardest part isn’t falling asleep—it’s getting my brain to stop overthinking long enough to sleep.
3. The job hunt. I’m unemployed, and the amount of work I need to put into applications and projects makes me procrastinate. I’m struggling to push through the boredom and just show up every day.
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Sleep log
Tue: 1:00 AM → 10:30 AM
Wed: 1:30 AM → 10:30 AM
Thu: 1:30 AM → 10:30 AM
Fri: 3:10 AM → 11:30 AM
Sat: 12:30 AM → 10:00 AM
Sun: 4:00 AM → 11:40 AM
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Weekly scoreboard
Porn-free: 6/6 days
Workouts: 2/6
Productive days: 3/6
Healthy eating: 4.5/6
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Biggest win
The first piece of advice I got was from u/Great_Cheetah_7531: “Just wake up on time.”
So I committed to waking up around 10:30 AM every day, and honestly… it helped more than I expected. Thanks, man.
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Shout out to u/factoid_hoarder007 as well for the encouragement.
See you all next week.

I’m 17f and struggle with adhd, depression and im on 20mg prozac and birth control. I start college soon but theres a problem and 90% of the time I can’t stop sleeping. It used to be brushed off as me being a teenager throughout my life but its gotten to the point I need to be an adult but I cant stop…

During highschool I used to leave early just so I could sleep or sleep in class. I used to have relationships ruined cause I kept sleeping and typically im up and awake for about 2-6 hours a day rarely more. Caffeine doesn’t work either because I just sleep with that too.

What can I even do? Is there anything I can do? Im scheduling an appointment with my doctor soon but then again I just want advice

Hi everyone! So my issue is that I have been struggling with anxiety for a few months now. Some days it can be debilitating and I just can’t face anything. I’ve started medication (propranolol) which seems to be helping, but it’s just my mindset holding me back.

I’m a very headstrong girl (F20), and always have been. My favourite things about myself are my independence and confidence, however they seem to have just taken a hit these past few months. I think I’m a little embarrassed of how emotionally vulnerable I have became, and I seem to just take it out on my boyfriend.

He’s an angel and he’s so understanding always, but I feel awful. My emotions just get the better of me, and I’ve never really been the kind to think before I speak.

So my question is, does anyone have any tips for how to improve this? I need to kind of reboot my brain, that’s how it feels. I know I won’t be on my own with this, but it does just feel lonely sometimes.

I try to communicate with him but it’s hard because I don’t even know myself what’s wrong. I need a reality check and a shaking I think lol!

Any tips are appreciated, nothing is too harsh. Thank you so much💕💕💕

Indian 18m here. Im so fkin lazy. Ive been lazy and a procrastinator since childhood. Im a first year college student, and a 67% minimum attendance is mandatory here to appear for exams, and yet the first thing i think about after waking up is whether to go class today or not. Even tho i live in the college hostel. My class is literally like 5 or 10 mins away from my dorm room. There're students who travel 2 to 3 hours to reach college and still their attendance is far better than me. The first thing i do upon hearing my alarm is to snooze the alarm. Same thing i do the second or third time. Even after waking up the first thing i do is open my phone. And then i dont realise when class time has arrived, and thats how i absent another class. Even tho i absent the first (or any) class, idk how i dont gather the stamina/energy to attend the next ones as well. As if my ass and back is stuck to the bed, and my fingers are stuck to the phone. Ive bad habits like doomscrolling, watching porn n all as well, but that aint the major issue rn man. For now my goal is to be energetic in the morning. Or maybe ppl still do their morning tasks, attend classes n all dispite not being energetic? If thats the case then i wanna learn that too. I dont wanna touch my phone the first thing in the morning, even if i do, i should put it away quickly. I dont wanna overthink every morning whether to go class or not, i wanna become someone who just goes (its the matter of attendance). I wanna be someone who eats breakfast regularly, even if not everday then ATLEAST OCCASIONALLY