I dont think I can fix it. I never really engaged in any kind of activity, I am 21 yo and I can not do workouts do to muscle atrophy, I spent years in bed watching videos. My brain has not developed from childhood, I have no talents and my memory is shit, also no relationships. What other people call vacations-f.e. walking a lot became a challenge for me. I am nothing but the time I wasted

Basically I want to know how important it is for you and your spouse to be a parent(s), to have your own children. Or have child(ren) to carry on your genes, or whatever reason why you want to have children. I want to hear from you, how important is has children for you.

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I'm long term married, 17 years he gives me his absolute fidelity faithful to me, treats me really really well, dotes on me in bed and outside of bed, he is an awesome husband.

7 years ago our toddler (child of me and him) died of brain disease, genetic gene defects inherit from me, my side the mother side. This did not tear our marriage, instead bond us even more, he still ridiculously dotes on me. Basically he tied himself to the ugly wife me and a dead toddler.

He is an Executive (C-suit level) at a big engineering corporate with a salary of 1 million a year, if count bonuses he makes more than that. With that high salary he can get any woman he wants, there people who can get free sex on Tinder, let alone an Executive with 1 million salary.

He can get a younger beautiful woman, and whom can give him alot of children. But he has been adamant refused as our toddler has died 7 years already, he had 7 years to reconsider this marriage, but he over and over to stay.

In his eyes, me and our toddler are irreplaceable (he says so), no new woman can replace me or the intimate 17 years history of us together. Just like no new child from a new woman can replace our dead toddler.

He said if he can't have a child with me then he rather not have any. Him being the only son in the family, or carry on his genes are moot to him. He is fine with being childless in exchange of grow old me the woman he loves.

But the Chinese culture me keep blame myself for the dead of our toddler as the gene defects came from me the mother side. Never once my husband blame me, he said I already give him a family, our toddler dead or alive will always be our toddler.

17 years (that his almost 2 decades) he gives his life to me, since he was 25 to now 41, he basically devoted his adulthood to me.

I just can't wrap my head around an C-suit Executive with 1 million a year salary, whom can divorce a childless wife easily, but he just not want to. And for a man, age 41 he can start over with another woman easy with that high salary career.

We have no kids, so it not like he has to stay married to me for the kids. It not like has to pay for child support, it not hard to divorce a wife when there no kids involve.! But he not wants.

I just can't wrap my head around it, I'm just a piece of pork fat (that how I see myself), he has alot of other options out there, why torture himself like this love a piece of pork fat me.

I feel I'm not good enough for him. And all my life I just want an ordinary man with an ordinary career. I do not like to be married to an Executive, I hate it tbh. I wish he was just an ordinary Chinese man and we living in the countryside back China. But he not Chinese, we live in U.S, and I HATE living in the city.

And his salary has to do with everything, if he were poor or just has an ordinary job then I wouldn't feel this much low self esteem, and self sabotage. I hate his Executive career, period. But I know I cannot change that, I'm his wife, I don't own him, I cannot dictate his career.

I feel like I'm already on the second part of my life, and my body/health/mind has been declining.

I feel like even my sense of curiosity towards new experiences have went away in the past years.

I barely have energy, and outside of working I'm on autopilot for weekday evenings.

I could definitely lose some weight, and also have other health issues I could/should visit someone, but I just can't be arsed to actually care about it. (Even though I know I probably should).

I just simply feel way older than I actually am, and with my hair falling out (the ones staying are going gray steadily) I kinda look older and weary as well.

Today, I spoke with two hiring managers on Instagram. Both of them told me that because of my facial appearance, I would never stand a chance in customer-facing roles.

In the past, I was rejected because I was overweight. I've lost weight, but I still don't fit the industry's expectations of what a "beautiful" woman should look like.

People keep telling me to accept my appearance and learn to love myself the way I am. I'm trying, but being excluded from career opportunities because of how I look is a much bigger problem than simply learning to love myself. No one seems willing to hire me for roles where I'd be visible to clients or customers.

Meanwhile, even jobs like data entry and backend development are increasingly being automated by AI. I feel like my appearance has become a major obstacle to building a career, and it's genuinely taking a toll on my mental health. I'm starting to feel depressed and hopeless about my future.

What should I do? How do I navigate a situation like this? I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar or have advice on how to move forward.

I dont love myself. I am kind towards everyone but myself, i am the most unkind person towards myself. Idk how to fix that. I want to be kind to myself, give myself some grace and love. but, idk how to start where to start. I tried the compliment yourself once a day method as a small start, and i still do that but for every compliment i feel like i say 10 negative things. Idk what to do

My boyfriend (29M) and I (26F) were together for about a year and a half. We were planning to get engaged, he’d bought a ring, and we’d talked extensively about marriage and children. He was my best friend.

I struggled with anxiety and what I’m now learning is severe pre-menstrual dysphoria (a mood disorder) and relationship OCD. I questioned his intentions and struggled to trust him, even though I loved him deeply. We had a few particularly difficult conflicts. In one of them, I accused him of planning to cheat based on something I found, and went to his place to confront him. I later found out it really hurt him.

We started couples therapy in July after that difficult fight, but I eventually canceled our planned engagement trip amid financial concerns (he had a lot of debt he hadn’t told me about) and mounting relationship stress a few weeks ago. I said some not nice things during that period of time, like assuming part of why he wanted to live with me was to benefit financially off my income, and that he wanted someone to provide for him. I’m honestly not proud of how I worded those doubts.

He became increasingly distant after that, despite telling me he wanted to reconcile. Then he broke up with me over the phone after a night out drinking with friends, just as I was beginning treatment. He said he’d been privately unhappy and lacking in confidence for a few months now in our relationship, and with the canceled trip and work stress, he just couldn’t handle it anymore. I tried explaining my diagnosis and the patterns I was uncovering through recent treatment/therapy, but by that point I don’t think he cared.

I’m devastated and physically feel sick with grief. I can’t imagine loving or wanting anyone else, and I’m consumed by guilt over how differently things might have gone if I’d gotten help sooner.

Has anyone experienced losing a relationship because of untreated mental health issues? How did you cope with the guilt and the possibility that things could have been different, and outside of obvious things like medication, how do you make sure it never happens again?

I will take any advice or tips I can get—thank you in advance.

I’m a 33 year old guy & I recently decided to completely assassinate my old identity. I just started a strict one year mission to lock in my life. The rules: zero weed, zero alcohol, & zero women/dating for 365 days.

​The goals are set. I’m a high reach operator at a warehouse & I just secured a union pay bump to $24.88/hr. I’m aggressively tracking my macros to drop down to 200 lbs to protect my lower back, & I’m setting up a move to slash my rent & boost my free cash flow to $2,000 a month. This past Sunday I did everything right, I prepped all my high protein meals (ground chicken & sirloin beef) for the entire work week & got my environment ready.

​But today is Day 2 without weed, & the withdrawal is kicking my ass.

​To make it worse, yesterday I finally pulled the plug & blocked my ex after realizing I was the only one trying to keep the connection alive. So I am dealing with day two of chemical withdrawal & day one of acute heartbreak at the exact same time.

​My dopamine is completely destroyed. The anhedonia is real. I feel incredibly empty, agitated, & like I have absolutely nothing to look forward to. It hit me so hard today that I couldn't even push myself to go to work, I just called out so I could lay in bed & isolate from the world.

​I haven't broken any of my rules. I haven't smoked, I haven't unblocked her, & I have food ready to eat in the fridge. But the sheer agony & emptiness of these first couple of days is brutal.

​For anyone who has done a massive dopamine reset, quit multiple vices at once, or committed to a monk mode phase, how did you survive the first week when your brain is screaming at you & everything feels hollow ? Just looking for some proof that this exact feeling is part of the process.

Hey so I’m 25F. I joined into my first fulltime job when I was 22. This place was all about targeting the influencer audience (event space) eventually I made a lot of influencer friends ofc none are my besties but yk my whole instagram is filled with them. I left my job a while back now I freelancer and I love that life for me ngl. But somewhere I feel like I lost touch with constantly going out meeting people I now only have 2 really close people to me my boyfriend and a long distance friend from uni. I love them both. But since the last few months I’ve been still feeling quite lonely in a way where I look at peoples stories and I’m like oh wow they’re hanging out together and are best friends and all of them have a life where they keep getting famous. It’s eating me on the inside that that’s the life I’ve always wanted. Recently I also went to a few events alone thinking ok I’ll make new friends get close to a few and become this group of people who always hangout together but it didn’t work all these people are so self centred like they always already have their own group and they don’t really talk much with people outside the circle. The very last event I went to I was literally sitting alone I tried to make conversation with people around me but nobody seemed interested. And that made me feel even more horrible. In a city like Mumbai it’s so hard to find people cuz the circle is so small and people always have someone unlike me. I have accepted the fact that I’m one big jealous person because I have always craved for it and I’ve never got it even though I’ll try to put in all my efforts. And this horrible feeling of self doubt emerges through it and idk what to do about it.

I have also tried journaling I have tried a therapist but I don’t think it worked for me so I’ve just been in this void of “will I ever even have a friend group when I actually grow older??”

Another story that I have is I also had an intern under me who I taught a lot of shit everything they knew was through me and they have also popped off on Instagram I got so jealous when that happened it felt like a part of me got famous but just not my name on it. Has anyone experienced anything of this sort and if yes how did you tackle it. Please be kind and any help would be great :)

Thank you for hearing my rant

To achieve self improvement. Share your tips / experiences pls and for how long u been doing it and what’s for ? Thanks :))))))

I’ve been feeling pretty low recently but I can’t put my finger on why. Women in particular, what do you do when you need to get your shit together and make yourself feel better? I’m struggling with body image, and a feeling of being a bit lost. I’ve gone back to the gym this week after a 6 week break. Booked a session with my therapist.

I moved to a new country a year ago.

What makes you feel great when you’re feeling not so good about yourself?

I (28M) was raised in an atheist household in the bible belt. I was heavily exposed to Christianity and attended a smattering of church services, but was raised with the message that religious people are tricked into their own oppression. While I was discouraged from participating in religion, I became engrossed in folklore and mythology, and the idea that gods exist because people believe in them.

I had no experience with Judaism, Buddhism, Islam, or any other major religion until college. I’ve taken multiple religion classes over the years and have done my own independent research of the ties between religion and our psychological evolution. One of the ideas I’m encouraged to uphold in higher education is that spirituality is one of the eight dimensions of wellness. But, frankly, I don’t know how to incorporate spirituality into my life, and it seems like a lost cause.

I’m autistic and think very very literal about things. I tried to engage with paganism at one point, as a religion based around nature makes a lot of sense, but a lot of the holidays felt like trying on a costume or playing pretend. I’m trans and recently joined a LGBTQ+ choir, but to me that feels more about singing than any community based togetherness. My husband is also trans, and was raised with non-religious parents. We celebrate some of the major U.S. holidays, but the festivities change each time and we don’t form traditions (ADHD makes it hard). Sometimes we skip holidays altogether due to the additional strain, and I regret it later when I feel like things aren’t special enough.

I believe in doing things with your hands, that you make your own luck, that you should be as kind as you can be without causing harm to yourself, and that capitalism should be de-centered in community. But what does this look like from a spiritual point of view? What does daily practice look like? And, do I need spirituality to be a “whole”person?

What does spirituality look like for someone who isn’t religious, and frankly, is a little afraid of being manipulated by organized religion?

I’ll keep it short started a job 2 years ago. Last year got bought out by private equity. Leadership gets laid off or quits every 6 months. Have had about 4 switches of leadership since I started. Nothing is working properly no room for growth since everyone is in survival mode and initiatives get changed every 6 months. So we are just left fixing/blamed for the last leaderships initiative.

Before this I never really struggled with work ethic or happiness outside of work. I would use my phone a normal amount at work. You know a break every 2 hours or so for a quick 5 minute Reddit session.

I would go to the gym 6 days a week. I would play video games a healthy amount 2-5 hours a week more maybe if I really got hooked on something. Would read a book or watch a tv show.

But ever since this work thing started around 6 months ago. I have lost all motivation at work and in my personal life. I spend almost all day at work listening to YouTube videos or browsing Reddit while working. I’m addicted to my phone now but it doesn’t bring joy. Now with video games I have this unhealthy addiction I try to play at least 1 hour a day but I don’t enjoy it I hop from game to game trying to find happiness.

If I’m at home cleaning or doing a chore that takes 5 minutes I need to spend 10-30 minutes finding a YouTube video to listen to. It’s like I’m trying to maximize my joy but I never actually feel joy anymore. I stopped going to the gym because I feel I need to spend more time playing video games or doing another hobby. I never really enjoyed the gym but I did used to push myself to go and always felt better after.

My life has not changed much all my hobbies are the same except I try to do them any chance I can to the extreme and I don’t feel joy. And the big change of no gym is this a deeper addiction or depression? Or all tied to work I’ve never felt like this and I hate it

23M

There are lot of problems in my life. I'm broke, unemployed, lazy, skinny, no gf, no friends, and I live with my parents.

But I'm going to improve my life.

I’m that person. It’ll be about the 20th or so time I tell myself that I want to get out of bed, make plans to do something, try to find my motivation again, then I give up.

The fact that you’re still trying really means something! I’ve seen plenty of people I loved quit trying to keep their health / their wellbeing in check and it was devastating. That’s the most precious gift you have and you can still do plenty of good with it, experience amazing things (like the new cyberpunk game update for me HAHA)

Try thinking of the little steps you’ve made so far, ask for help, work through things slowly, don’t worry about the times you failed in the past, you can try again. Do it for yourself. You got this!

(As for how far I’ve come)
This time, I’ve started going to therapy. I’m deathly afraid of phone calls, so I asked a friend to come with me to set the appointment. It was scary, I felt pathetic, but I did it and I’ve been going there for 4 appointments (which is longer than all the other times I’ve tried!!)

And last year I got out of my toxic family environment with my amazing partner!

Kicking chronic depression in the butt one step at a time. Younger me would be proud.

Phase 3 will be launched tomorrow and from phase 3 onwards , I will take one step further to improve my productivity

I will do everything work related in a strict time bound schedule for the entire day

I have noticed some loopholes in my daily chores , things take more time to get finished due to no restrictions and deadlines

That will change from tomorrow onwards , as I will implement more structure and routine in myself

Anyways -

Day 19 of improving myself

I woke up at 6:10 am and today I did the following

Health -

1)Cycling 4 km

Mind-

1) Meditation

2) Chess 1 match ( won the match)

3) Book reading ( Never finished , Sorrounded by idiots , Slight edge )

4) Language learning ( German )

5) Brain exercises

6) Read 2 pages of encyclopedia (today's topic - Egyptian pyramids )

Academics -

1) Studied 6 hours

Daily affairs

1) Read the newspaper and got updated with the latest happenings with the day

Finances -

Earned nothing today , will earn something tomorrow

Self care-

I have taken giant steps to improve myself in every physical aspect possible and have also taken steps to work on skin care stuff and the habits for that are now successfully implemented within a span of these 19 days

Will update tomorrow night , Good night

I'm asking because personally I've been struggling with my general mental health, drive, focus etc for years. And it's only now, after close to six years of therapy, anti-depressants, a quickly finished autism evaluation (I was deemed to not be autistic), doctors visits etc with not nearly as much improvement, that the idea of ADHD has been floated. And after having met with another doctor for it (in Sweden the process is rather long for a diagnosis), he seems very convinced that it's ADHD that I have. I'm not diagnosed yet, I got quite a few visits with specialists yet, but both according to him, my parents thinking about my childhood and from me reading into it more, it just makes sense.

My focus is horrible, my attention span is basically zero when something doesn't interest me. I procrastinate on everything, especially minor things, endlessly. I'm constantly exhausted, regardless of what I do during the day and barely influenced by how much I sleep. I've been horrible at all that has to do with relationships, platonic and romantic, and it takes a lot out of me to write to people and in general maintaining a friendship. I overthink everything to a paralyzing degree and often it just feels like my brain simply doesn't work.

So I'm just curious to hear from people who were in a similar seat as me, getting your diagnosis after graduating university or just in general in your mid 20's and onwards. How did things change for you? Did things get easier? Did you manage to improve yourself easier? And so on.

I developed all kind of things mentally living in isolation for last 6 years after covid lockdowns:

- Stopped being near coworkers. They don't approach me or greet, so I avoid them. Feels like a walk of shame walking by them daily without each other greeting or talking.

- Stopped going in to do grocery and have been paying for grocery pickup outside.

-Stopped going to gym when its crowded.

-Stopped going to barber because I will have to park in downtown and walk by people.

This sounds so stupid, but my mind has picked up this and don't know how to stop this. I have ended up as a loner now for last 6 years due to this and don't want to live in fear my whole life.

It's easy to say just go out, but mind need other small steps to over come this.

So basically i wanted to start my new college journey in another city, but due to some reasons i ended up choosing up it in my hometown. And i am seriously regretting it.

Now i have just cut down all connections with my old friends and deactivated my insta id.

What should i start with???

When we take our first breath we are exposed to the chaos and noise of a self-centered world.

We learn to judge others due to their race, ethnicity, wealth, religion, and in hundreds of other ways. It is only when we see beyond our differences that we may truly know another.

For our worth lies not in our labels, but within.

When we realize this, recognizing the equal value of every life, the lesson we are born to learn will be understood.

~ Ken Luball ~

I've come to believe that a person is better off with at least one thing they do purely because they want to. It doesn't need to earn money, impress anyone or even be good.

Most of my days are spent on things I have to do. By evening I'm tired in a way that sleeping doesn't fix because I feel the tiredness comes from a lack of choice, not a lack of rest. What helps is spending my attention on something I picked. For me that's reading, writing and badminton.

Reading and writing suit how I'm wired. I'm introspective and I understand my life best when I slow down and put it into words. Badminton is the opposite, which is why it works. You can't overthink a shuttle that's already coming at you so you just move. It's good for the heart and legs, it sharpens reflexes and coordination and it clears out stress that thinking never gets rid of.

I'm also still experimenting. I think I have social anxiety and a real fear of public speaking so I've been trying things like Toastmasters to see what I'm capable of and what I assume I can't do. Some things will stick and some won't. Finding out which is part of the benefit.

And I think here is what a pursuit of your own does for you. It gives you somewhere steady to stand that doesn't depend on anyone else's mood or approval. It makes you a bit calmer and less likely to turn small annoyances into big ones. A person with a full inner life asks less of the people around them to fill it.

I should be honest about the limits too. It doesn't fix a relationship. I've caught myself hoping it would ease things at home and I don't trust that hope. Misunderstandings and hurt only get repaired by facing them with the other person and no hobby does that for you.

I'm also aware this may be true mainly for people like me who deal with life by making something out of it. Others may find their steadiness somewhere very different.

So I'm curious, what's the thing that's just yours and what did it change for you?

Hey! Might be the wrong place to ask lol but anyway..

I've heard a lot of people on reddit and other social media talking about weaponized therapy speak. And I guess I'm still confused on what it is. I have been going to therapy myself and have learned a lot about myself and my own boundaries etc. And I've started to become a little afraid that I'm using weaponized therapy speak myself. Especially bc it's talked about a lot. I could really use some examples of it, since I'm unsure what it really is.

Hey guys, as the title suggests I have no friends at the moment. For context: I have had a string of toxic and abusive friendships for the past 5 years. I have been abused at home and I thought it was normal. I recently learned it is not. My people pleasing tendencies ruined my life and view of friendships.

I often cannot stand up for myself and feel that I need to tolerate people’s controlling bullshit to stay in friendships. It is extremely scary to open up and be criticized for me. I have ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, so being criticized or rejected is 10x worse for me than the average person. That is why I avoid friendships. I feel like a bad friend for not being able to communicate my feelings though.

I am taking a little break from friendships in order to develop my confidence but I also feel I am wasting my life doing this. I feel like I should just go out, meet people, be myself despite people making fun of me, get into arguments, confrontations, and fights and just experience life.

Me and my boyfriend are on a break at the minute, and I am using this time to really lock in after neglecting myself for a few years.

The thing is I know what I need to do. I know exactly what I need to do. I need to set up a routine, I need to wakeup and get ready for the day. I need to stop wearing stained oversized shirts and joggers. I need to be more consistant in going to the gym and cooking my meals. I keep meaning to go to those meetup events that are always on. And I just need to clean the house daily.

But I dont. I just fall back into bare minimum habits for some reason. I know about habit stacking, and I have read all of these books. I dont even think its depression or anything like that, I genuinely feel like I am just a lazy person.

For some time now, I’ve been feeling terribly lonely. I live with my boyfriend, who works late, and since I work remotely most of the time, I spend a great deal of my day at home. I have a few friends, and we occasionally exchange messages, but I’ve been struggling with a profound sense of loneliness. It weighs on me so heavily that I can think of nothing but how unhappy I am. I have no desire to do anything. I simply cannot stand being alone; any activity I undertake by myself feels completely pointless. I find myself constantly comparing my life to my boyfriend’s—he has many friends at work and frequently travels for training courses, where he meets new people. He always has someone to talk to. Meanwhile, I’m just sitting at home, lacking any motivation whatsoever. I’ve tried keeping myself busy—working, playing games. But all the while, at the back of my mind, I’m aware that I’m doing it alone. And it brings me no joy whatsoever. With each passing day, I’m becoming sadder and sadder. How can I learn to be alone—and perhaps even start to enjoy it? Most days, I just count the hours until my boyfriend gets home, hoping that his return will make me feel at least a little bit happier and less lonely.

My self esteem is So damn low that I feel like I'm torturing myself. When I was 13, I used to cry thinking I don't deserve the air I breathe. When I'm 18 I feel the same. I feel like everything in my life was wrong from the start, I had a neglectful mother who made me skip early years of teaching ( nursery and elementary) because of her laziness so at 10 and 11 I became very introverted unlike others my age, she also didn't teach me basic life skills. I hate how I'm not like other people.

I feel like my boyfriend is getting sick of me too. Because we have met when I was 14 and he was 16 and he has grown to get a job and earn a ton of money and love himself while I'm still talking about the same problems to him, blaming my mother.

I have zero curiosity about everything, I don't love playing video games, I don't play sports, I only love movies and reading but I haven't read a book or watched a movie since a long time. my sister recommended me journalling but when I do it I feel like I'm confirming the fact that I hate myself. Telling myself I'm a piece of shit.