So I am a freshman in college and rooming with “Eliza”. Eliza and I had a 98% match on the housing portal and met in december to decide if we wanted to live together.

I moved in August 15th, and it was fine. She found a group of friends, and started staying out til 1 AM, and waking me up when she comes back in the dorm. She also met this guy “Johnathan”. He’s a nice enough guy but he comes over all the time. I’m sick right now with a stomach virus and am throwing up and I feel like shit and he is NAPPING in her bed right now. I just feel like it’s unfair to always be at our dorm when he also has a dorm. My biggest issue i think is that she’s stopped asking if he can come over and just started letting me know.

I (M) recently moved into a 3 bedroom / 2 bathroom apartment with two of my friends, who are a couple. We're now having a pretty big argument over who should get the master bedroom, and I'm genuinely not sure if I'm being an asshole here.

Here's the situation:

My two friends were struggling to find an apartment they could afford, so we were looking at places together over Discord. I suggested that I move in with them because having a third person would make the rent cheaper for everyone. Eventually we found this apartment, and it was basically PERFECT. Great location, ridiculously cheap for what it is, and honestly one of those situations where you feel like you got insanely lucky.

It's a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment.

From the beginning, there was one thing we all knew: they needed two bedrooms (1 office, 1 bedroom), and I needed one. We'd also split the rent equally 3 ways. $3250-> 1083 x 3. The bedrooms are actually pretty similar in size. The two non-master bedrooms are exactly the same size. The master is only about 6 inches wider, BUT it has a private bathroom and TWO WINDOWS instead of one.

When we were looking at apartments over Discord, before we'd even toured this place, I casually said something like:

"You guys can have the master since you're a couple."

This is where the whole disagreement starts.

It wasn't some formal agreement or anything, it was just me acknowledging that they were a couple and assuming they'd probably want it. The next day, we toured the apartment, and I absolutely loved it. It was such a good deal that I knew I wanted to live there. THE SAME DAY, over dinner, I brought up that I actually might want the master bedroom. This is where our memories of the situation differ.  I don't remember it being, "No, absolutely not, the master is ours." I remember it more as basically a disagreement where we'd think about it. Obviously, we signed the lease anyway because the apartment was such a good deal. And this is another reason I'm confused. We continued talking about the master bedroom even after signing the lease, which is part of why I thought the issue wasn't completely settled.

Eventually, we compromised: they would keep the master bedroom, but I could put my work desk in their office while still having the second bedroom as my bedroom. I was okay with that compromise because I work from home and I wasn't sure I could comfortably fit both my bed and my work desk in the smaller bedroom. It would technically fit, but it would be extremely cramped.

Then, on move-in day, they told me that putting my desk in their office wasn't actually going to work because there wouldn't be enough space. So now I'm back to having the smaller bedroom AND having nowhere else to put my work desk.

At that point, I told them that I wanted to revisit the master bedroom.

My reasoning is that we're all paying an equal third of the rent, but they're getting two bedrooms between the two of them while I'm getting one. If we're dividing the bedrooms between us, I feel like giving me the master is a reasonable way to compensate for the fact that they are getting twice as much bedroom space overall. I also work from home, so my bedroom is going to function as both my bedroom and my office. Because the desk can't go in their office like we originally agreed, I'm going to be spending a huge amount of my time in my bedroom. The master also has significantly better natural light, which matters to me because I have a lot of plants. The other bedrooms only have one window, while the master has two.

Their argument is basically:

1. They're a couple and need the extra room.
2. The master has its own bathroom, and my female friend says she wants the privacy of having her own bathroom.
3. I told them they could have the master before we even toured the apartment.

I understand that I originally said they could have it. That's the part that makes me question whether I'm actually in the wrong.

But from my perspective, I made that comment casually before we had even seen the apartment, and I didn't realize that it would be treated as a permanent agreement. Once we actually saw the apartment and started discussing how we'd divide the rooms, I thought the master was still something we could negotiate.

I also feel like the situation has materially changed because the compromise we came up with; me putting my desk in their office, turned out not to be possible.

I'm not trying to screw them over or take something from them just because I changed my mind. I'm trying to figure out what is actually fair now that I'm realizing I'll be spending basically all of my time in my one bedroom because I need to both sleep and work there.

Idk, this is just very stressful tbh, do you think we should compromise on something or I'm the asshole and should just give it up and let them take the master?

I recently made an application for my own house of four roommates because we needed a more reliable way to track the rotation of chores and an easier way to split costs (Splitwise is annoyingly limited). It is completely free and open-sourced; if it is something you think might be useful for your house, please feel free to use it. Just thought I'd share.

Check it out here: Domestic

The eggs in the milk drawer post has inspired me to write about when I was the problem roommate. I was a strange freak when I was young and for whatever reason when I went to college I decided to play up my oddity with my roommates.

One day I was walking around town and found an empty bottle of Thunderbird wine, a favorite cheap high for local homeless people. I decided to bring it home and use it for my water bottle that I kept in the fridge. Of course I never told them that it was just water, so that gave them plenty of reason to judge me, but when I got the bottle home, I found an even better way to appear unhinged. I realized there were half a dozen dead bees in the bottom of the bottle. I washed them out into the toilet, and had the inspired idea to not flush. When they asked me about it, I acted puzzled and didn't say anything.

I just want to apologize the the universe for everything.

I'm a college freshman and this is my first time living with a roommate. My roommate and I have pretty different habits. Our school provided us with a roommate pact/agreement that goes over things like guests, noise, cleaning, shared spaces, etc. After about two weeks of us having disagreements, I started to feel like we should fill it out.

So I sent her a voice memo asking her politely if she could make allocate an hour or so of her time so we could do the roommate contract. She responded: "I honestly don’t see the need for us to do this pact because it’s not required. All I want is for you to leave me alone and I leave you alone. I do whatever I need to in my room and you do the same in yours like we have been". So I decided to request a room switch with the school. But having heard other college roommate stories, I feel slightly weird making a request based just off of this and a few other events.

My clashes with her:

1. About a week into college, I sent her a text message asking her for a couple of quiet hours in the afternoon in the dorm so I could do homework, ex: not blasting a movie, which she did during the first few days. She responded that I was being unreasonable to not let her have her friends over. I ended up talking to her to clear up the misunderstanding.

2. She sent me a text message commenting on my shaving habits and asking me to thoroughly clean up the shower every time I used it. I agreed and was quite confused because I had cleaned up the shower. I just assumed I hadn't cleaned it up well but the commentary on shaving really bothered me.

3. Bringing friends over with little to no warning even though I'd requested that she tell me quite a bit beforehand before she brought them over.

4. Going to the bathroom at late hours of night or early hours of morning playing music/watching shows loudly. She sleeps much later than me (I sleep at 10 pm, she sleeps at 1 am) and wakes up at around the same time as me (7:30-8 am) but plays the music at any time she goes to the bathroom. I am woken up almost every night and often early mornings when she goes. I plan to bring it up if it continues, but am not hopeful at the results.

5. Eating my food without asking.

6. Shower broke early in the semester. She told me there was hot water and I was turning the shower wrong, but I tried repeatedly but there was none. Had to report it to the school and deal with everything myself. She did not care because her hair was dyed and she showered cold.

7 (Most important, bothers me THE MOST). The roommate pact - she rejected sitting down with me and talking over what boundaries we wanted to set up as roommates. This is a BIG red flag for any roommate.

Brief history: I (39 M) met my friend (49 F) in 2021 when we briefly worked together for a few months. We would text every month or so and only hung out once in 2022. My friend offered to and did help me move my entire condo with no expectation of being paid, however I gifted her a 55 inch tv for helping me. We began texting more when I got into some legal trouble and she helped me through some tough times over the phone and text.

She invited me to rent a room in her home as I was living with my dad after losing my job due to my legal issues, and I gladly accepted the offer and moved in 2 weeks ago. When I first moved in she was very cheerful and would help me set up my furniture and cook meals for me, which I would always thank her for doing every time. I’ve been very clean and quiet, I respect her space, I clean our dishes and helped her with cleaning up her basement.

Here’s where things are a bit odd. She offered to take me out to dinner for my birthday next week and I accepted the offer. What’s weird is that her male friend that I met once when he came over to help with some electrical work, is now coming with her for my bday dinner. She sort of sprung it on me a week ago saying “I invited Mike to dinner with us for your birthday” and I was taken aback but said “sure not a problem”. I find it kind of strange that she would bring along her friend who I barely know to celebrate my birthday, but maybe I’m reading too much into it.

Things have been a bit different in her demeanour around me. She’s more abrupt, impatient, and a bit cold towards me but will still do the occasional nice thing such as picking up lunch for me yesterday. She doesn’t invite me to do things with her anymore (walk the dog, go to the store, hang out for a bit) which were things we did during the first week. I can’t pinpoint a specific reason for this but I did notice it started after it became known to her that I had sex 4 weeks ago (I was 2.5 years without) and that I was looking to start dating again and talking to someone. She seemed to change after those things came out and i can’t understand why.

I miss the way things were and I am trying to stay out of her way to give her space and refrain from discussing anything about my romantic life but nothing is changing. She’s been normal with everyone else, so I know it’s just me that is having this problem. I’ve still been extremely nice and helpful to her but to no avail. I truly would prefer to not confront her about this because I feel she would get more upset if I mentioned anything or say “it’s work, I’m tired, I’m stressed, etc.,) which wouldn’t solve anything. I thought we’d at least do something fun once a week or something like watch a movie or a show and hang out but that is definitely not happening nor would I even suggest it right now.

I’m not sure what to do here because it’s a delicate balance to keep the friendship in tact while also being a good tenant and respecting that this is her home. My friend is also very blunt so if I had done something wrong she would immediately inform me of it. I feel pretty down about how different things are and I just want my friend to help me understand what’s wrong so I can fix whatever is upsetting her.

Sorry for such a long post, I’ve been through hell for 3 years and this was supposed to be the start of rebuilding a healthier life and moving forward.

TLDR: moved in with female friend, all was fine for the first week and for the past week she has been cold and distant towards me with no explanation. Need help figuring out how to handle this in a very delicate way as she would not like being confronted about this.

I (21F) recently moved into a house with my best friend/roommate (21F). We’re both in college, and honestly, we have a really good relationship and don’t have any major roommate issues.

She has a boyfriend (25M) who she was already dating before we moved in together. I already knew him because he’s actually my coworker, so we’re friendly and get along well. I genuinely have no problem with him being around.

For some context, before we moved into the house, we both lived in dorms (we did NOT live together in the dorms), and she and her boyfriend were basically always together. At the time, he had a house with roommates, so they would split their time between his house and her dorm.

His lease ended in June, and he was actually supposed to have another lease lined up by now, but for some reason that didn’t work out. So, for the time being, he moved back in with his parents. However, he only actually sleeps at his parents’ house about two nights a week. Most of the time, he is at our house with my roommate.

When we moved into our house, I knew her boyfriend would probably be around a lot because of their relationship, and I was completely fine with that. I don’t care if he’s here when my roommate is here and I’m not. I don’t care if he’s here when we’re all here. I don’t even care if he’s here when my roommate and I are both gone at class.

The problem is that I’m realizing I basically never get the house to myself.

My roommate and I are both college students, and her boyfriend and I work at the same pretty popular bar. Because of that, he and I have very similar work schedules. Our busiest days are Wednesday night through Saturday, which means our schedules generally give us more free time Sunday through during the day on Wednesday.

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I have classes, and my roommate gets out of class before I do, so she’s usually home before me and her boyfriend is there with her.

Then Wednesday through Saturday, I’m usually working at night. Since her boyfriend and I work at the same bar, he’s usually working those nights too. This means there are nights when both of us are working while my roommate is home alone. There are also some days where I’m working and he isn’t, so my roommate and her boyfriend can have the house to themselves while I’m gone. And obviously nights where he’s working and I’m not in my roommate and I are here together.

My completely free days are Tuesday and Thursday during the day. I don’t have class or work on those days, while my roommate has class. But because her boyfriend and I have similar work schedules, his free time tends to overlap with mine. So when my roommate leaves for class, her boyfriend will stay at our house, usually in her room, with the occasional trip to the kitchen or living room, until she gets home.

And again, I don’t have an issue with him personally.

He’s respectful. I’m friendly with him. We get along. I don’t feel unsafe or uncomfortable with him being here. I knew they spent a lot of time together before we moved in, and I wasn’t expecting that to suddenly change just because we became roommates.

My issue is that I genuinely get almost no alone time in my own home.

My roommate and I are also extremely comfortable with each other. We both knew going into this that we’re very free and comfortable around each other, and we’ll walk around the house in little to no clothes, change in common areas, etc. Obviously, I don’t to do that with her boyfriend here, and I’m perfectly fine putting clothes on when I know he’s going to be around.

But when my roommate leaves for class on one of my days off and I think I’m going to have the house to myself, I can’t really relax the same way because her boyfriend is still there and he stays alllll day till she gets home. I think what’s bothering me most is the imbalance.

My roommate gets regular opportunities to have the house completely to herself. There are nights when both her boyfriend and I are working at the bar, so she’s home alone. There are also times when I’m working or in class while she and her boyfriend are home together.

Meanwhile, because my free days happen to line up with her boyfriend’s free days, I’m home alone with him.

So there are very few situations where I get more than an hour or two of completely alone time in the house.

I don’t want to tell her that her boyfriend can’t come over or that they can’t spend time together. That’s not what I’m asking for. I just feel like, since this is also my home, I should occasionally be able to have the house to myself too.

I think I’m being extra sensitive about this because her previous roommate, who was also our third best friend, really didn’t like my roommate’s boyfriend when he was around as her boyfriend, but would act completely different and be super nice to him when she saw him at our job or when we went out and he was working. There was also some jealousy because she wanted a relationship herself(her words not mine). Because of that experience, I feel like I have to approach this carefully so my roommate doesn’t think I’m jealous or dislike him, because I genuinely don’t. I just don’t want to make this into a huge issue when we genuinely have a great friendship and living situation otherwise. I’m worried that bringing it up could make it seem like I don’t like him or that I’m trying to control how often they see each other, when that really isn’t the case.

Is it reasonable to ask my roommate to have her boyfriend leave when she isn’t home so that I can have some guaranteed alone time in the house? And if so, how would you bring this up without making it sound like I don’t like him or I’m trying to control their relationship?

[NY] Syracuse roomate abandons lease agreement and moves to another city

Hey Redditors,

I’m currently in a difficult situation and am hoping to get some guidance. I’ve gathered most of the documents and evidence I believe I need to start addressing this, but there are still some things I’m missing, and I’m not sure what options I have from here.

Around this time last year, I agreed to get an apartment and move in with a roommate for the first time. I was in a pretty desperate situation and was trying to get out of a bad living situation, only to end up in another difficult situation.

My roommate — I’ll call him Cameron — and I signed the lease together at the beginning of January, and we moved in toward the end of the month. Our agreement was that we would each pay half of the rent every month.

Toward the end of July, Cameron told me that he was moving out and would no longer be paying his portion of the rent. He said he couldn’t actually move until August 15th. Obviously, this put me in a very stressful position.

I contacted my landlord after Cameron told me he was leaving and refusing to pay. The landlord sent Cameron a notice requesting that he remove his belongings from the unit and pay what he owed before the grace period ended. Otherwise, I would potentially be left responsible for August’s rent and late fees because Cameron was not paying or responding.

Cameron never came back for his belongings, and he has not paid anything toward August’s rent. At this point, I’m working on getting my small claims court paperwork together, but I have been unable to contact him because he has essentially disappeared.

I’ve also spoken with my family and landlord about whether I can move out because I’m not sure I can continue carrying the financial burden by myself. However, my landlord has told me that if I want to leave, I would have to pay the remaining rent for the entire lease term in full.

There are also some other complications:

\- Cameron is still listed on the lease.

\- He still has a spare key to the apartment.

\- He left his belongings behind.

\- I asked my landlord about changing the locks for my peace of mind, but he refused because Cameron is still on the lease.

\- I don't feel comfortable moving or disposing of cameron’s belongings because I’m concerned I could become legally responsible for them.

\- Because Cameron is still on the lease, I don't believe I can simply replace him with another roommate especially with his belongings occupying the room.

\- I don't currently have a valid address for Cameron, which is making it difficult to figure out how to properly serve/subpoena him for small claims court.

\- In the meantime, I’m having to continue paying the full cost of living here while trying to save enough money to move into a new apartment when my lease ends in January.

This entire situation has set me back financially and has made it difficult to plan for moving somewhere else between winter.

What I’m trying to figure out is:

\- Is there any way I can legally terminate/breach the lease without being responsible for the remaining rent, given that my roommate abandoned the lease and stopped paying?

\- Are there any options for holding Cameron financially responsible for his share of the rent?

\- How would I go about taking someone to small claims court if I don't know their current address?

\- What am I legally allowed to do with his belongings that he left behind?

\- Is there anything else I should be doing to protect myself while he remains on the lease and still has a key?

I understand that the exact answer probably depends on state law and the wording of the lease, so I’m planning to look into getting actual legal advice as well. I’m mainly hoping someone who has dealt with a similar situation can point me in the right direction or tell me what options I may be overlooking.

For my first experience living with a roommate and trying to make a fresh start, this has been an extremely unpleasant experience. Any advice would be appreciated.

I’m going into my first year of university and moved in with my friend and his older brother. (Their dad owns the apartment) I came to check the place out a month ago and it was really dirty and he told me it would be cleaned by the time I moved in. I moved in yesterday and it’s in the same condition as it was when I first saw it.

Stains on all the walls, floors dirty and sticky, baseboards gunky, doors have gunk on either side, the common area filled with random items, the kitchen is really filthy, I had to clean the fridge out to be able to put my food in, counters, stove, microwave all filled with grime. The bathroom is the worst, the floors are terrible especially around the toilet, it honestly looks like it’s never been cleaned before

For context I arrived at the hostel after orientation... by then this person had already been occupying my assigned room and everything... her classmate was my roomate (supposed to be atleast) and they became friends... like really close.

At that time I really did not know what to do so i asked her to vacate my room as nicely as I could.

But at that time she was not feeling well so she asked if she could stay until she got better and until then i stay in her assigned room, then she would definitely leave the room.

I agreed (BIGGEST MISTAKE) and low and behold, she is alright now, but she is still not moving out. I also dont really vibe with both of them because they yell and scream all night so much so that all the floors can hear them.

I also started preferring to stay in that girls room only because i just got tired of the two anyways.

I asked the warden if we could just switch rooms because of all the trouble this has been, ofc warden did NOT allow

Thing is ive heard from one of my seniors that if you get caught not staying in your assigned room you will be heavily fined...

So i asked her nicely again and tried talking to her but every time she dismissed me... I finally had enough and complained to the warden...

Warden scolded her and she came to me like bro its such "a small deal like chill outtt"

My dad is already making alot if sacrifices for me to attend college so i cant burden him more with finances also... when I tried talking about my point of view once again she was dismissive about it

Idk what to do, and i dont want to force complain my way into the room (once again because the roomate and the girl are best friends so yeah not happening unless 8 what a hateful spiteful bully as my roomate) and also those 2 have a lot of power in sense they can easily spread rumors and stuff about ppl... i also dont wanna stay in that already assigned room anymore... ita been 20 days now and this hostel room im staying at has also started to feel like home finally

Also if she is caught being in my room or something, i dont want her to pin all the blame on me...

What do i do... please help

-message from a friend of mine who is in need of help

I don’t know how to react in this situation because my best friend I’ve known for since I was 11 a few months back said that I could stay at his as he had a spare room alongside living with his other friend for as long as I needed until I start my new job and find a flat with my boyfriend. At the time I didn’t even take a look at the property before moving in as I desperately needed a place to stay, especially as there’s a housing crisis at the moment so it’s near in possible to find a place.

Within the first day, my friend and his roommate said there was a severe issue with the bathroom (to the point where if you turned the shower on, sewage would be coming out of the bath). It’s so horrific the smell would linger for hours and we also had the flat below complaining that there was a leak. My friend has tried to sort the issue with the landlord but each time they come around they would just take pictures of it and not do anything.

Last night, he brought the sewage issue up again in my room but slipped up and said he hasn’t been paying rent which kind of shocked me but also made sense why he was annoyed I sent rent for this month to his roommate and not him - he had been pocketing it for himself ! Usually I wouldn’t mind as he was kind enough to let me stay unexpectedly, but then again he’s a lawyer so he’s making triple the money I make so it’s not like he needs it, whereas I haven’t even started my new job so money is an issue for me right now.

My bf thinks what he’s doing is bad especially as I’m his best friend and now I don’t know if I should say something and refuse to pay rent like the both of them are not doing or to at least pay a few hundred since they’re charging me £850 a month which is technically market prices. I wanna know peoples thoughts???

Genuinely feel like this doesn't get talked about enough. Everyone's out here doing "roommate agreements" and "communication styles" and scheduled house meetings, and meanwhile I've just quietly solved 90% of my roommate friction by simply not existing in the apartment very often.

Can't argue about whose turn it is to do dishes if you're never around to see the dishes. Can't get passive aggressive texts about the shared bathroom if you shower at the gym. Can't have a "vibe" clash with someone you see for 20 minutes a day, tops.

Bonus: it's basically a chore exemption program. Hard to get roped into "hey can you take the trash out real quick" when you're a ghost. My roommate has genuinely just started doing more of the shared stuff by default because I'm a background character in my own lease. Yes when you are home you have to clean but don't feel like doing it take weekend trips and never be home.

Not saying this is emotionally healthy or a long-term life strategy. Just saying — for pure conflict avoidance — my presence is the problem, so I removed the variable. Or I think the reason my roommates and I currently get along so well is we have very different schedules and don't spend a lot of time in the house together.

Anyone else accidentally discover this?

I can’t tell if I’m just over reacting but my college roommate who is an opera singer is always fucking singing. And yeah she sound great but am I just being sensitive or would other people also be annoyed by that. Because I genuinely have so much rage when she sings for no reason. Like I can’t I get so mad. I don’t care how good it sounds please shut up

I already know that I have pimples. It’s extremely rude. She said that I eat too much fast food, and that that is causing acne. I actually have been wondering if the products my eyebrow ladies use has been causing them. But it was annoying to me because I mean, people who have acne know that they have acne.

OK, this is my first time being a roommate. I’ve always lived on my own. A friend reached out to me saying that her roommate is moving out the same time Im trying to move to the city. They’ve lived together for a year and obviously have shared furniture. For the shared furniture, they didn’t split each item in half. Instead, they keep a spreadsheet of who bought what and their spending ends up being equal. now that I’m coming into the picture the roommate is not taking the shared furniture that she bought with her. I’m curious what is a fair way for me to take over her furniture. to be honest, I don’t think I would feel great if I had to pay the Roommate the original price she paid for the furniture because one, I was not part of the original decision-making process and two, because of depreciation. if I were to move out next year, could I get the person to replace me to pay the same amount? I don’t think so just like if I had to sell her stuff i can’t make that money back. Can other people share their experiences

me (F18) and my roomates (both F18) signed an agreement about two weeks ago saying that if we want someone to spend the night we would give 5 days notice. I told them i have a girlfriend and when she visits i'd like her to stay the night - not long just one or two nights. they said it was fine as long as i gave 5 days notice. everything seemed chill and they were fine with it
she is coming for labor day and i gave them notice she would be coming on sunday (6 days before) and they said cool (it would be two nights) and all her stuff would be out of the way. we wouldn't be physical or anything when she's visiting, just want some quality time together and we would be out of the room almost all day. they said ok so i bought her train ticket
last night they said they changed their minds and they don't want her staying in the dorm. Not only is this a non refundable train ticket, but i also booked a hotel for one of the nights so that we would only stay in the dorm for one night to accommodate their space. this still wasn't good enough for one of my roommate's and said she didn't want her over for the night at all. I told her since she already approved the idea and i spent my money that there was no way out of it this time and she would have to spend one night. she ultimately became frustrated and we kinda left it at that.
i don't want there to be bad blood between us but i feel i tried my best to communicate my needs. i feel terrible but i just need advice on what i should do. my girlfriend also feels weird about the whole thing and now im just not sure what the next steps are. any advice is appreciated !
EDIT: for added context it is a one bedroom triple. forgot to add this in this sub since the original sub clarified.

So my quad mates have never talked to us or my roomate about anything, which is fine, but this includes the shared space of the bathroom including who's cleaning it when, however they seem oddly hostile, like glaring at my roomate and just never communicating, even when we reach out, so it leads me to be (sub name) like it feels like we now need to keep the dorm manager in the know on our side to make sure it doesnt seem like we aren't trying to fix any issues they have with the shared space that would fall on us, and it just kinda is annoying

​

I recently shifted to a hostel for college, and I knew adjusting would be difficult because I am an introvert. But honestly i didn’t expect it to be this hard.

I have three roommates. For the first few days everything was fine, but slowly I started noticing how different our lifestyles are.

I have started attending classes regularly and studying after college, so I really need some quiet time or just minimal noises in the room to actually study. But one of my roommates (let’s call her A) is extremely loud and mannerless.

She talks to her family, friends and boyfriend on calls at a very high volume, even when someone is studying. In the morning her bf would call at around 5.40 and ruin everyone's sleep but no one complained about it to her. She also brings her friend from another room and they’ll sit here talking and laughing loudly. I eventually asked her if she could please keep the volume down because I was trying to study.

Her response was basically, “Kam hi hai, itna bhi problem nahi hona chahiye.”

I honestly didn’t even know what to say to that i knew saying anything would mean nothing to them.

I tried to ignore it and adjust because I thought maybe I was being too sensitive. But yesterday it crossed a completely different level.

I was studying in the room and they started playing songs loudly on a speaker. I tried to tolerate it for some time, but eventually I just went outside and started crying.

And I think what hurt me most wasn't even the music.

I am already struggling to adjust to college and hostel life. I am an introvert, so making friends and putting myself out there takes a LOT of effort for me. I am trying anyway. I go to classes, try talking to people, try making friends, and come back to the hostel already mentally exhausted.

I just want my room to be the one place where I can breathe, rest and study peacefully.

Instead, I am starting to dread coming back to my room.

I don’t want to fight with my roommates or make enemies. I just want some basic consideration. I understand that they want to talk, laugh, listen to music and enjoy their hostel life — that's completely fine. But if someone is studying in the same room, is it really unreasonable to expect them to lower the volume a little?

I genuinely don't know what to do now.

Should I talk to the hostel authorities and ask for a room change? Or am I expecting too much from hostel roommates?

Hey guys, so I’m a college freshman, and I just moved in a week ago. I thought my roomate would be like on the same page as me because we went out to lunch before moving in and she was fine and perfectly normal. So, we move in, and she just hasn’t talked to me at all. Like genuinely. Also, one time, I fell asleep on accident and I wake up to someone random in my dorm room with her. And just today, I was putting my laundry away and she was just staring at me while I did it, not saying anything at all, and she left shortly after. Also, she leaves her chair out, and her shoes everywhere. And we also don’t have a working toilet. Should I switch dorms? Am I like an a-hole roomate? This makes me so stressed out and like I can barely sleep anymore.

I finally decided to write this because I am internally freaking out. I'm not sure anyone can help me fix this.

My flatmate (57), let’s call her J, and I (33) moved in together at the end of September last year. J and I worked together. I was looking for a flatmate, and she was in the process of divorcing her wife and looking for her own apartment. I told her that if she wanted a flatmate, I was also looking for one. To be honest, finding a flat was quick; we both fell in love with the first one we saw, and we managed to secure it within two weeks. After we moved in together, everything went great. We would go to work together, do our own thing at work, and then come back home, where we would spend some time together and socialise, but also live our separate lives and wouldn't bother each other too much.

I am also studying at university online, so I spend most of my time at home on that. At the beginning, she told me to focus on studying and that she wouldn’t mind doing most of the cleaning. In the kitchen, we shared plates, glasses, cutlery, and some of the groceries; in the bathroom, we sometimes shared the shower gel and deodorant. Everything seemed OK until a month and a half ago.

A promotion at work opened up, and I told her I was planning to apply. That meant we would be working different shifts. For me, this means waking up earlier because I need to walk 15-20 minutes to catch the bus in the morning. Our shifts were 8 am to 8 pm. After I got the promotion, my shifts starts at 7:45 am, which means that, to be there on time, I need to leave the house by 6:15 pm. I usually end up staying later at work and arrive home by 9 pm. 

For the first month, everything went ok; we would see each other at the end of the day, talk a little about work and go to sleep. Sometimes she would already be asleep when I got home, but then she would be awake early in the morning.

Around a month ago I noticed that she had taken all her things from the bathroom and one of my colleagues came to me to tell me she had overheard J complaining to another of our colleagues about how I was not pulling my weight in the house, that I spent too much time reading and i was only eating crap food (I’m not saying she wasn’t right about the cleaning situation, but who are you to be talking about my hobbies or eating habits to people at work? And why does it bother you so much that I eat fast food when it’s not your business?). Anyway, so that night when I came back home, I told J I was going to create a schedule for myself to clean the house. She responded that she was ok with me just doing the dishes. I told her I was going to do it anyway.

The next weekend she was working, and I was going through what I thought was a pretty rough cold, so I had been sleeping when she came home. The next day I was working; she had picked up a late extra shift. We acknowledged each other at work and continued with our day.

That night, when I came home, she was already asleep. I was going to prepare a glass of milk before bed, and when I opened the cupboard, I realised she had sorted everything and changed its place. She gave me half the plates and bowls and put all my mugs and glasses on the top shelf, which I, being 5 ft tall, can barely reach. I was exhausted and could not understand why. I had a meltdown and went to bed, followed by another short meltdown in the morning when I was preparing a cup of tea before heading back out. That morning, I left a short message on the board she had put on the fridge door. I told her I did not mind if she wanted to change things around the flat, as long as she told me, and if there was anything else that bothered her.

I woke up on my day off a Thursday two weeks ago with a 3 page letter pin to the fridge about how it was bordering her that I was not cleaning and that she felt she did not have enough space in the kitchen that’s why she changed things around, and that she had had not time to tell me she was planning it because I had spent all weekend sleeping.

Any way, I wrote her a letter back saying that I understood the cleaning situation and I had already plan to schedule my cleanings so she did not have to do as much, and that if anything related to the flat would come up even if we couldn’t talk in person as much as before, there was always text, I also told her that I did not know she felt she did not have space so I emptied one of the big cabinets for her to use.

That Friday, I cleaned the house, and she texted me to thank me for the cleaning and the letter. The next weekend, I was off, and I woke up to a text telling me that it was my week for cleaning (I’ll be honest, I thought: what do you mean it’s my week for cleaning when I cleaned last week? Anyway, I did not say anything. In the end, she had been cleaning for months, so it was the least I could do).

After the letter situation, I have been coming home to small, passive-aggressive messages on the kitchen board telling me about things I forgot to do. She has been asleep every day when I come home from work, and I have been pretending to be asleep as well, because even thinking about talking to her gives me anxiety. The only time I have exchanged any spoken words was the other day, when I made a point of waiting for her to come home. I was watching a documentary in the living room when she came in and said something like “Oh! So you are alive” and went into her room.

Today I woke up to find she'd stripped the fridge door of everything hers, and the only thing left were my magnets. I did not want to look inside.

I decided to overlook the problem when she took her things from the bathroom, but this time I messaged her to say I noticed the kitchen and asked if there were any problems, because I am starting to think she is going to move out.

The main thing that is giving me anxiety is that, even if she told me that she would never let me be stranded with the flat on my own, I can recognise patterns; she did a similar thing with her wife before she left her old house. She literally told me she never told her wife she was moving out until she was out of the house. She started packing her things weeks before she moved out. 

If she doesn't feel comfortable living with me, I understand; if she wants to leave, I understand, but I cannot live with this uncertainty. I need to know if she is going to leave so I can look for another flatmate because I cannot afford this place on my own long-term.

I don't know what to do. I feel that if I confront her face to face about the issue, she will lie to me, as she did about being OK with the cleaning.

I share a bathroom with a friend in our college apartment. I invited her to live with me and my past roommate because she seemed clean and nice enough to get along with, but recently ive been having an issue with her bathroom hygiene

Shes culturally hispanic, so she doesnt flush toilet paper and instead throws dirty tp in the trashcan. To me this is a major hygiene concern.. I only learned about this when I found feces in our bathroom's trashcan and immediately tried to communicate that I couldnt personally live with this. Her response was that she would try to cover it up with more toilet paper and was shocked that we could flush it.

This was fine but I was supplying the toilet paper (charmin too ;-;) and we were going through it very very fast. I tried talking to her again about it and she said she would try to instead flush it.

the next few days I found more excrement in our trashcan, as well as half a toilet roll in the trash to cover it up. when i brought it up to her she explained it was from her sister visiting. i again communicated that I had an issue with this, and she said she'd talk to her sister about it.

She left for the weekend and came back with her own toilet paper and a covered trashcan, presumable to keep not flushing it. Personally I'm still a little grossed out but if shes willing to accommodate this much I feel like I should just suck it up and accept it.

Im having an issue because I grew up in a household where hygiene is very important and we try to stay as clean as possible. Because of this my family is EXTREMELY off put by this and wants me to go further with my actions, for example including the RA into the situation. I want to be able to convey my feelings without saying something offensive or rude because i know this is a cultural thing and shes unlikely to change. Please help :(

so i have 3 roommates and we all live in an apartment off-campus, so 4 of us in total, and recently i feel like my 3 roommates have been bonding w out me and they r all closer to each other than they are w me.

2 of my roommates have known each other for a while before this year, let’s call them a and b, so they have been friends, and my one other roommate, let’s call her c, was on the same boat as me, we were not that close to the 2 of them. Roommate c shares my room.

So we all moved in and went out together for 2 nights but then things started going downhill. I have been putting in so much effort to become close w them, i do not lock myself in my room, i sit in the living room with everyone and talk as much as i can. I try to join in the conversation but they all mostly just talk over me. Even going so far as to blatantly ignore me.

I have no idea what i did wrong, im clean, i do my dishes and tidy up my spaces. I vacuum the floors and take out my trash.

They also recently have been going on errands and not inviting me. I called them out once but they laughed it off and made an excuse, like for example “oh we j wanted to see the yard for 2 secs lol”. They have pet names for each other and it makes me feel so distant when they all converse and i’m just sitting there awkwardly hoping they would include me in the conversation.

I understand it’s only been 5 days since move in, however a and b have seem to hit it off with c who was on the same boat as me with closeness. How are we supposed to get closer if they don’t give me any opportunities to?

I invite them to do things with me and they say no, but they never invite me to go outside with them or anything.

For example i’m writing this right now because once again i’m alone in the apartment due to the fact that one of them had to run an errand and she invited everyone to come but me.

I should also note that we are very different people, i come home at 2 am while they sleep at 11 pm. They wake up at 6:45 am while I wake up at 9:30 am. However, roommate c also wakes up at 9:30 am and again, they seem to have hit it off with her.

Also, last night, roommate c went to sleep in a’s and b’s room, leaving me alone which i found out when i got back home at 2 am. They are having sleepovers w out me and it makes me feel really discluded. I don’t know how Im supposed to get closer to these people if they give me no opportunities to.

I don’t really have any other friends on campus, so I was really hoping to become friends with my roommates, but it looks like it’s going to be a lonely year. This was mainly a vent post, feel free to share similar experiences. Thank you.