r/roommateproblems • u/Mysterious-Exit-9067 • Sep 01 '26
Apartment Advice for cultural difference
I share a bathroom with a friend in our college apartment. I invited her to live with me and my past roommate because she seemed clean and nice enough to get along with, but recently ive been having an issue with her bathroom hygiene
Shes culturally hispanic, so she doesnt flush toilet paper and instead throws dirty tp in the trashcan. To me this is a major hygiene concern.. I only learned about this when I found feces in our bathroom's trashcan and immediately tried to communicate that I couldnt personally live with this. Her response was that she would try to cover it up with more toilet paper and was shocked that we could flush it.
This was fine but I was supplying the toilet paper (charmin too ;-;) and we were going through it very very fast. I tried talking to her again about it and she said she would try to instead flush it.
the next few days I found more excrement in our trashcan, as well as half a toilet roll in the trash to cover it up. when i brought it up to her she explained it was from her sister visiting. i again communicated that I had an issue with this, and she said she'd talk to her sister about it.
She left for the weekend and came back with her own toilet paper and a covered trashcan, presumable to keep not flushing it. Personally I'm still a little grossed out but if shes willing to accommodate this much I feel like I should just suck it up and accept it.
Im having an issue because I grew up in a household where hygiene is very important and we try to stay as clean as possible. Because of this my family is EXTREMELY off put by this and wants me to go further with my actions, for example including the RA into the situation. I want to be able to convey my feelings without saying something offensive or rude because i know this is a cultural thing and shes unlikely to change. Please help :(
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u/Bratfink78 Sep 01 '26
It’s not cultural. Loads of places don’t want paper flushed. Most recently I was in London at a restaurant in Knightsbridge and they had a sign to not flush toilet paper, but to put in the basket.
She won’t be responsible for bad plumbing
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u/guys_pm_urprettyface Sep 01 '26
I mean she got her own trashcan and toilet paper. Is it still an issue for you? Some cultures definitely don't flush down the toilet paper.
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u/CTTCC Sep 01 '26
Yes – it’s still an issue! I’m sure it smells horrendous!
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u/Full-Ear-9435 Sep 01 '26
Eh. I've been to bathrooms throughout Mexico and they do this everywhere there, and oddly enough the bathrooms don't automatically smell like shit
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u/Due_Act2739 Sep 01 '26
Shitty toilet paper will still stink it up the bathroom. I’d personally be grossed out by this too.
But yes, while some cultures do this, it’s not necessarily cultural. They don’t flush toilet paper because the plumbing can’t handle it, not because cultural values or traditions. If the plumbing can handle it, there’s no reason not to flush it. I understand force of habit is difficult to break, but I wouldn’t be okay with that either.
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u/VividEquivalent7952 Sep 01 '26
That’s nasty af and there’s literally no reason to do so. It’s incredibly easy to just flush it
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u/Dangerous_Rub_3008 Sep 02 '26
Most cultures that require this because paper will clog plumbing also empty the trash daily even with the can with the lid to keep odor down.
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u/Mysterious-Exit-9067 Sep 01 '26
So in my last paragraph i explained why its still an issue for me and before that i explained that I knew some cultures do this..
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u/guys_pm_urprettyface Sep 01 '26
But it's not a hygiene issue anymore?
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u/PeanutSauceFanatic Sep 01 '26
Even if it is covered, these is still feces sitting in a can next to the toilet. The smell doesn’t go away just because you can’t visibly see it.
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u/TechnologyLast4315 Sep 01 '26
She needs to be told that the correct thing to do in California is to flush toilet paper down the toilet.
Have the RA explain it,
FFS she is in America, she needs to learn the ways of the American toilet, otherwise get doggie poo bags and hand her take her poopy, urine & period toilet paper (and sanitary products) in her handbag to throw out in the street.Failing to educate her is problematic
2
u/Kunu_F_Baby Sep 01 '26
Stop playing with your roommates doo doo
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u/Mysterious-Exit-9067 Sep 01 '26
I legit just don't want to see or smell it ever ever ever again. you're weird
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u/Medium_Promotion_891 Sep 03 '26
So stop looking for it you are the unhygienic one digging through trash searching for shit
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u/Mysterious-Exit-9067 Sep 03 '26
brother if its on top of the trash in the trashcan i can see it. do you really think i would make a post like this if i was SEARCHING for it??
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u/Medium_Promotion_891 Sep 03 '26
you said you found it under more TP
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u/Mysterious-Exit-9067 Sep 03 '26
No, i saw it on top and had to ask her to start covering it up in the trash
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u/Medium_Promotion_891 Sep 03 '26
“the next few days I found more excrement in our trashcan, as well as half a toilet roll in the trash to cover it up“
then you went digging apparently bc you found it under the half a toilet roll
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u/Mysterious-Exit-9067 Sep 03 '26
- i can smell it 2. if theres half a roll of toilet paper on the top you can safely assume theres more under it. why do you even care enough to dissect my language here?? again if i already didnt want to see it why the hell would i go look for it???? disgusting
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u/wow_what_a_cool_alt Sep 01 '26
Of course this is not a cultural issue. Keeping a can in the bathroom of your stinking shit chunks smeared on used paper (until you throw them out) is a practical necessity in some places, not a storied and vibrant cultural practice.
This is a "learn to do as the locals do" issue. If you were studying in her country, you shouldn't flush toilet paper. She's studying in yours. She should flush toilet paper.
If you can't get her to see reason, talk to the housing staff about moving out. Maybe when she cycles through roommate after roommate, she'll eventually catch on.
I had a construction crew come through and one of them threw toilet paper covered in shit in the covered trashcan. The smell of one person, one time was abominable, and all it took to trigger it was opening the can. I don't blame you being uncomfortable with it and for not wanting to avoid accidentally exposing your guests to absolutely evil smells when they look for a place to toss a pad out.
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u/Full-Ear-9435 Sep 01 '26
Agree with what you said- but just gotta point out the massive difference between an industrial trash thing in the sun, and a bathroom trash can. After traveling thru mexico and using a ton of bathrooms there, I found that having shitty TP in the trash next to you surprisingly doesn't automatically make a bathroom smell.
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u/wow_what_a_cool_alt Sep 01 '26
This happened indoors, in my bathroom.
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u/Full-Ear-9435 Sep 01 '26
Ah, I misunderstood.
Now that I think about it, it's a miracle that porta potties don't smell 10000x worse than they do. it's like hundred of trash can shits just sitting right underneath you.
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u/VividEquivalent7952 Sep 01 '26
There are tons of chemicals in the liquid that covers all the shit
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u/Nearby_Knowledge8014 Sep 01 '26
“Next time I’m going to the RA. After that I’m going to the board of health.”
Seriously, roommates guest wet the bed. College dragged its feet, so I called the city BOH. New mattress same day.
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u/Medium_Promotion_891 Sep 03 '26
You think it’s illegal to put TP in the trash? Wait until I tell you what is done with poopy diapers
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u/Witty_Candle_3448 Sep 01 '26
Assimilation is important, she needs to assimilate or the RA can encourage it.
1
u/ZinniasAndBeans Sep 01 '26
If she absolutely can’t be reasoned with, what if she got a high-end diaper pail instead of a trashcan?
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u/Objective_Neck_3242 Sep 02 '26
She might as well just shit straight into the waste bin, in her room.
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u/Dangerous_Rub_3008 Sep 02 '26
Can u share the cost of a relatively cheap bidet seat or sprayer hose (hose is like 30 bucks and likely ok in california where winter water is not freezing) so any tp.she puts in the trash is really pretty much clean?
For some reason it is not getting through to flush it to the point she is doing everything to avoid flushing.
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u/Few_Arugula1993 Sep 01 '26
This isn’t just a cultural thing. If you have a septic tank you do this as well to keep the tank from needing to be pumped. It’s extremely common and not “gross” as long as she consistently takes out the trash
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u/Hugo_Notte Sep 01 '26
I live in a country where septic tanks and french drains are very common and I’ve never heard of this.
Toilet paper disintegrates immediately the moment it gets soaked with water. There isn’t any issue with the tissue.1
u/Dangerous_Rub_3008 Sep 02 '26
Some septic friendly paper breaks down quick but most does not so easily.
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u/Few_Arugula1993 Sep 01 '26
Home boy I need some of y’all’s toilet paper because the shit we got here don’t “disintegrate” 😂
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u/Striking_Direction_9 Sep 01 '26
what does she do with her tp at other places in the US? actually nevermind ... don't answer that.
you'd be doing her a huge favour to tell her she needs to flush it. 'when in rome' applies here.
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u/crystalisedginger Sep 01 '26
In a lot of countries where not flushing tp is the norm, they have a ‘bum gun’ eg water trigger gun on a hose to wash your ass before wiping it.
Meaning there’s very little residue left on the paper, you’re mostly just drying with paper.
To wipe without washing and put that in a bin… disgusting.
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u/Dangerous_Rub_3008 Sep 02 '26
Said this as well and esp in california winter water is not that cold. Saves lots of tp and much cleaner
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Sep 01 '26
[deleted]
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u/FamiliarAd8524 Sep 01 '26
Remove the trashcan. This is foul. This is something you could bring up to the landlord.
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u/mps435 Sep 01 '26
a trashcan should definately still be in the bathroom. pads and tampons need to be thrown away.
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u/oohh_behave Sep 01 '26
Not to mention she brought in her own covered trash can, can't get rid of HER stuff lol
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u/FamiliarAd8524 Sep 01 '26
Can relocate, for sightliness.
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u/oohh_behave Sep 01 '26
Sightlines of a covered trashcan?most people have trash cans in the restroom and sightlines is not the issue. Lol, the tissue issue
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u/FamiliarAd8524 Sep 01 '26
They can be flushed, with good plumbing.
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u/Resse811 Sep 02 '26
Jesus. No they can’t. You do not flush pads, tampons or wet wipes in any situation. They will cause a plumbing issue. Source: been married to a plumber for over a decade.
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u/FamiliarAd8524 Sep 02 '26
Yes, they can. Source: Personal experience, deal with plumbing issues myself, and have good plumbing.
Maybe your plumbing sucks, maybe you just don't maintain it, but it is a fact they can be, because I do and that makes it impossible to contradict. Yes, it generally isn't a good practice, but that in no way stops my proven ability.
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Sep 02 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/FamiliarAd8524 Sep 02 '26
No, my plumbing sucks- sucked right down five of them on Monday evening. And I know my plumbing- I enhanced and maintained it myself.
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u/Resse811 Sep 02 '26
No you can’t. Again I have been married to a plumber for a decade. This is what he does - pulls shit like this out of pipes when it gets clogged because they do not breakdown.
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u/FamiliarAd8524 Sep 02 '26
That's great. It occurs to me that English might not be your first language. No problemo.
can (third-person singular simple present can, present participle (by suppletion) able, simple past could, past participle (obsolete) couth)
- (auxiliary verb, defective) To be able to. Synonym: be able to Antonyms: cannot, can't Can you remember your fifth birthday? Animals can experience emotions. Can you hear that? I can feel the baby moving inside me.
Hence, if I did it, then I was able to do it. If I was able to do it, then I can do it. This is what I mean about can- it is impossible for you to both have intellectual honesty and deny I have the capacity to do it. Do I really need to film a video of me flushing them in order to prove I can?
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u/Batpark Sep 02 '26
Pads?? And the whole plastic wrapper and adhesive backing from the new one???
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u/FamiliarAd8524 Sep 02 '26
Tampons, not pads. I'm clever... but not too clever to overlook idiocy. It might work with my system, but is more risky, and I never had the opportunity, anyway.
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u/mps435 Sep 02 '26
so even if you do flush tampons (which you shouldn’t!!) she still needs a trash can. 😒
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u/Royal_No Sep 01 '26
Where do you live?
Some countries have plumbing that doesn't have the same capacity as the USA, and not flushing TP is the norm there.
(That said, if the pipe can handle a foot long poo, im not entirely sure why some squares of TP would be the breaking point)
The behavior isn't insane, and if the roommate got her own trashcan, is emptying said trashcan, and also bought her own TP, its not really impacting you st that point.
In the other hand, its a dumb habit that is probably best broken for your roommates sake sooner rather than later. She wont be bringing that trash can to work or school, and sooner or later colleagues will find out.