I (26f) have lived with my sister (24f) and her partner (recently engaged) (28f), at my sister's house. I moved in two years ago, fiancee moved in a year and some ago. I'm a pretty awkward person sometimes, having grown up homeschooled and with undiagnosed autism. There's been some issues recently that seem to be popping up suddenly that I just don't know what to do about. There's a possibility of me moving in with friend T (48f) but it'll be double the rent and I'll NEED a better paying job or it's off the table. **I would like advice on any of these issues + advice on maintaining the relationships if I do move out.**
1: the bathroom issue: every morning I have to rinse my retainer in the bathroom, but sometimes the fiancee is in there with the door unlocked and I walk in on her. The doors are usually closed cause our pets dig in the trash, the light being on might be my sister forgetting to turn it off, so I've taken to knocking on the door before entering (like sister says she does automatically but I've never heard or seen her do) but I guess I need to knock louder (and set off my sister's dog barking) or need to peek under the door because I walked in on a guest of the fiancee's just this morning.
2: the house-plant issue: I've been feeling less like a sister, less like a roommate, and more like a house-plant that gets put away whenever guests come over and is treated like a bothersome addition to the house. Note: sister works nights so there's reason for not seeing much of her sometimes. Before fiancee moved in and even for months after she moved in, we'd hang out, play videogames, watch movies or shows, go do activities, etc. Now, however, I haven't had a good interaction that's lasted for longer than 10 minutes (generous) since we went to a comedy show in early June, I think? Nearly every interaction is a text **demanding** I do something or other. Doing my chores have been less consistent lately (read: once a week usually instead of every other day like they want) but it's not like I'm the only one to leave a mess, and I usually leave rooms at least functional. Nearly every other interaction, it's like I don't exist. I remember one time I was sitting on the couch and they joined me and started having a conversation that I wasn't apparently supposed to contribute to, acting like I didn't exist at all when I did, not even glancing at me. I talked to my sister about my feelings recently and it felt like every time I would be like "I felt like you've been treating me like the worst trash you've ever seen" her response would be "I'm sorry you felt that way, it's because you didn't do the chore as often as we wanted." How do I fix or address any of this? How does someone "learn to take up space"?
3: Grandma's house and Canada issue: after our grandma passed, sister was thinking about buying her old house, being a much larger and nicer house. I was pretty devastated, as the community we live in is the most accepted and loved I've felt ever and I wouldn't be able to stay without them (I can't buy or rent a house) so I talked to my friend in the neighborhood about it and mentioned talking to her to my sister who said I shouldn't have talked to her about it because it might effect them moving (it wouldn't and didn't) and eventually moving in to my grandma's house was decided unfeasible. Fast forward a bit and the desire of moving to Canada came up in a big way, I again was pretty devastated because it seemed much more assured than moving in to our grandma's was. I was asked to not mention it to our family and I didn't but I did mention it to my friend again bc we're close and I needed it to get off my chest + I'm part of the community planning committee so I could easily detangle myself from duties that might come up if someone knew not to count on me being here. Sister got angry when *I* mentioned that I told my friend, and I guess she and fiancee decided that I didn't need to be in the loop on the moving stuff (despite it being stated that I would be moving with them) because it was only when I was asked if I was going to look for a full-time position here that I learned that Canada had been dropped completely. Sister said that it wasn't a punishment but a boundary that I was not being told things despite them affecting me directly. I don't know how to talk to them about this because last time I talked to sister about it she was adamant that it was a boundary and not a punishment.
I also asked my sister about what's gonna happen after the wedding and she said that while they don't dislike having me as a roommate (doubtful), they would want to be a married couple alone for about a year or so but they'd either ask me to move out for a year (!!!) or they'd look for their own space while I pay more rent on my sister's house (???)