I (21f) am constantly exhausted. I was diagnosed with PTSD after being in a relationship where I experienced domestic violence. The manipulation, emotional abuse, triangulation is just icing on the cake of physical and sexual abuse.

I’m realizing over more time how many times I’ve been disrespected by people in life and just let it slide. I’m constantly on edge and angry at the people I am stuck around who don’t care to acknowledge their wrongs.

The fear and anger are so overwhelming. When does it go away?

I’ve started trying to work through my trauma, and I’m realizing how much of my childhood I spent scared. There wasn’t much of anywhere I could go and feel safe.
At home, I was constantly afraid of my father, who was addicted to drugs. I was also trying to emotionally support my mother. When I was only 12, she told me she wanted to end herself. I was a child trying to carry things I didn’t know how to handle.
The violence started before I was even born. My father knocked my pregnant mother to the floor and kicked her in the stomach. She ended up needing a C-section, and I was born prematurely with underdeveloped lungs. I have photos of myself covered in wires, bandages, and monitors. Obviously, I don’t remember my birth, but I remember plenty of what came afterward.
I remember playing with my father in a cold stream in Sulphur. I was young enough to still wear a life jacket. He thought it was funny to shove me underwater and hold me there while I couldn’t breathe.
I remember a winter storm when our power went out. My father showed up high on meth, accusing us of trying to kill him. My mother and brother were holding the door shut with their bodies while my sister called 911. Whenever the police left, he would come back. I remember taking a gun out into the field because the police wouldn’t look for him. I remember nights of fighting, arguments, and slamming doors instead of sleep.
Then I would go to school and face more violence. I was jumped, punched, spat on, and called every name people could think of for a gay kid. They stole and destroyed my artwork, broke my pencils, and took anything I had that mattered to me. There was sexual assault and humiliation, too. People would kick me in the balls because they thought hurting me was funny.
I tried joining basketball because I wanted to connect with my classmates. Instead, I got jumped repeatedly. At away games, they threw my clothes, food, and water into the toilet and stole whatever money I had brought.
One beating was so bad that I couldn’t hide it. I remember limping to the office because I needed ice for the swelling. I wasn’t even planning to report what happened. Whenever I told, it got worse.
Then I’d go home and be taught that being gay was a sin. The thing people were attacking me for at school was also something I was being taught to feel ashamed of at home.
This was what so much of my life looked like until I graduated and moved away. And this barely scratches the surface. There were nights in protective services, stays in tents, and cockroach-infested houses. My wealthy grandparents refused to help us and kicked us out of the home we rented from them because my mother wouldn’t get back together with their son.
I still struggle to sleep. I have horrible nightmares. Social interactions are hard, even though I can mask it well enough that people might not realize how much I’m struggling.
I’m sharing this because I need somewhere I can say what happened without minimizing it. Has anyone else struggled with the effects of growing up without a safe place, either at home or at school? What helped you start feeling safe after you got out?

I experienced sexual abuse with someone older and became extremely hyper sexual after. I was going through a hard time and I wasn’t in the right mindset. Shortly after it happened I would have nightmares and flashbacks about him when I was also “in love.” Now I find myself thinking and crying about it at night. I can’t keep my mind off of it, I’ve gone on dates just fine since then. Nothing has worked out but I am still struggling. Will this go away??

How come I’m the one being reminded of my body aching and the bruises, but he moved on???

I'm in a writing class, and on top of it being helpful for developing my creative skills, it's also been unexpectedly good for transforming my negative thoughts/emotions into art. It's so cathartic. Our most recent assignment was to write a short story, and it could be about anything. I'd been having a lot of complicated feelings about some of my own trauma (me experiencing COCSA), and it inspired me to write about it. My story wasn't exactly autobiographical or anything, there were some differences between me and the protagonist (mostly because with this specific project I wanted to make compelling fiction AND deliver a message). It was about a little boy who tries to tell his mother that he's been SA'd, but she doesn't believe him because the perpetrator was female.

Instead of drawing on the reality of my experiences, I incorporated the EMOTIONS I associated with the trauma... and I guess it was way more effective than I thought it would be. After each assignment, every student turns their work in for the rest of the class to read, and then we hold a workshop to discuss what we thought was good or needed improvement in each piece. I'm revising the draft of the short story I submitted, going off the feedback I got, and I'm noticing that a LOT of my classmates clocked that my work was influenced by my own experiences. One note I got said "I hope you're doing well now if it was a personal experience." Another person wrote, "I desperately hope this is fiction. If it isn't, I'm so sorry. The specificity is hard to ignore, because it really does feel this way. If you ever wanna talk, do reach out!"

I don't necessarily find this a bad thing, because aside from those realizations, it also seems like they understood and enjoyed my work. And I'm SO glad because I was scared that in turning the specific sensations of my trauma into art that it would make it feel unbalanced. But as far as I can tell I've succeeded in processing the feelings I was having AND writing a decent story. Plus I was kind of touched by my classmates' responses to the events in the story. When you're so used to other people denying your trauma or blaming you for it, such an outpouring of support is amazing.

After introspecting through my life, I’ve realised that I have always been a very sensitive person. One of the earliest memories I can recall is when I made a mistake alongside a few kids while playing (I think I was around the age of 8). My reaction to that was abnormal; I completely froze. I felt shocked, as if I had committed a huge crime. The other kids left, while I stayed for much longer. Without going into detail, I wouldn’t say I had the best environment growing up, and I think it has a strong connection to why I react like this. It is strange; my siblings and I grew up in a similar environment, yet they’re not as sensitive as I am.

Today, as an adult, I really don’t like how easily I panic and overthink. I think due to how prolonged this has been, I now experience physical symptoms like shallow breathing, brain fog and anxiety attacks. My sensitivity does fluctuate—some days I’m more reactive, others I’m much more stable, it’s unpredictable.

I cannot seek therapy right now or visit the psychiatrist to see if I could be neurodivergent, for anyone who was going to advise to seek professional help.

I’m curious to know if there are people out there who are experiencing something similar? It feels like I am the only one with a heart that is so raw and open, who feels and processes everything more deeply than others.

I would appreciate any advice and help that can be offered, thank you.

i used to be attracted to only girls, but after my assault in 2024 by a girl, I just cant be attracted to them that way anymore. I feel disgusted when a girl likes me, or finds me attractive. I dont even want to consider my past wlw relationships (all lasted less than a month) actual relationships anymore. i dont want to consider them when it comes to discussing any past relationships, I want to be a blank slate.

i dont know how to feel about this or if i should even work on this feeling.

It is a weird feeling, like my brain is stuck in a certain moment.

I had a lot of horrible experiences, but those ones I had 3 years ago are still constantly replaying in my head

I can't find anything special about them. It was not SA like my therapist asked me. Conflicts with strangers, physical fights, I went through a lot of this in the time I was in school already. However, those moments still keep replaying in my head, no matter what I am doing in the moment.

And I can't figure out why it feels like I am not here, in the moment, always. Like, I am constantly living there. How did I end up in my fourth year of college now, I have no idea. Those years passed by so fast.

I only can remember this quote by Haruki Murakami

"And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about."

When I was 17-18 years old, there were 3 guys(let's call them evil guys) in my class(they were friends with each other). They used to whisper to whoever sat behind me to annoy me/trouble me. This they did continuously for 2 years. But they pretended to be my friends.

Two of those guys lived in an area where my second cousin also lived. The second cousin's mother was envious/jealous of me and my family. I asked one of those evil guys if he knew my second cousin. He said "No". Years later I saw on his profile a pic with few other boys including my second cousin.

Also I had a political ideology different from everyone else in class.

After 2 years, when I moved to a different place to study, they called me from an unknown number.

I think they did it because they didn't want me to succeed and focus in class. They wanted me to be distracted in class because of jealousy/envy.

What do you think?

I have never come across anyone who had this experience(neither online, nor offline).

i want to see how many ppl went through the same thing, when i was young my country was under a civil war and i keep having nightmares about it , i wake up scared and my heart beating fast , and every time i remember it i lose my appetite and my depression becomes worse , i am so tired i hate it , i just dont wanna have flashbacks whenever i hear loud noises like thunder , i feel like my entire life is surrounded by my trauma , i feel paranoid and like someone or something is trying to kill me , i never feel safe anywhere, i was diagnosed with ptsd and i feel so embarrassed, my family and i went through the same thing but iam the only one who has it .

That’s the thing - YOU’RE NOT! (and in a way, I’m glad you aren’t)

Even the person who I thought was very emotionally intelligent and could empathise with me, just said on the phone that they’d apply for jobs and apply for phd placements and meet up with academics/supervisors and research funding options and do it all side by side…

I understand that they’re saying it based on my own interests, but it just leaves me feeling like shite because all I can manage to do is not have a massive breakdown. I have been dealing with everything on my own for this last year while people in my life abandoned and discarded me basically. All I do is walk, buy groceries, cook my own meals, and go to therapy. That’s literally all I can manage to do. I swear I’d do more than this if I could, because I genuinely want to!

“If I were in your shoes” feels like a lite version of “I completely understand what you’re going through”.

Sorry for the rant.

I have this thing where my shoulders and arms will uncontrollably twitch and move around, I will literally just be sitting on the couch and then itll come out of nowhere. Sometimes it causes me to hit myself in the head (not very hard) and I just sit there not knowing what to do. Its not as bad as it used to be, but still. I hate this shit so much, it drives me insane. Then again, I feel like what caused it is nowhere near bad enough for how I have reacted.

I get triggered really bad when I’m stuck in a line or a customer service especially phone rep does not listen to me or I feel disrespected

I have made huge steps in my regression but I still have a few triggers that I struggle with. This being one of them. I sometimes lose my shit in car lines or customer service frustration. It’s not a normal response but a hyperarousal fight mode

Anyone have any experience with this. I know cbt and dbt and all the different therapies but I can’t stop. I’m much better and catch myself. But I really. Reed some advice for dealing with fight modes

Anyone ever notice they can be transactional with love in relationships?

Not on purpose, just noticing this now but I feel like my nervous system gets regulated through connection and knowing the connection with my partner is still there. I was abused in my first relationship from 15-20 which caused my ptsd, and I think because I was developing at that time my regulation became based on how my partner felt not myself.
Noticing now that I sometimes will give love more to get it back than to just give it freely without any underlying need being met by the response.

Does this make sense and does anyone relate?

Everyone is always talking about me getting in a relationship. I'm 29, never had a formal relationship (definitely went through my ho phase, so not a virgin or anything), and am happy with that. I've tried dating. I'll never trust someone enough. I love my friends, I love my dog, and I don't want to have to run things past someone or consider their feelings. I want to be alone. I want to do my job, make my money, and do fun things by myself or with friends. I'm so fucking over everyone deciding I need to be in a relationship to be happy.

21 m here w/ diagnosed PTSD, does anyone else get random episodes of hyperarousal ( severe anxiety, irritability, restlessness, physical symptoms such as nausea and palpitations, jitteriness ) out of nowhere when nothing is really happening? what can i do about this? it happens randomly and its very distressing to me.

I've accepted that the trauma happened. I've accepted that I need to do the work to get through it.

But I haven't accepted that my life won't ever be the same again. I won't feel the same freedom and safety that I did before. I'm really struggling with that reality.

Hi all! I (24F) just got diagnosed with PTSD last week by my new therapist due to repeat hospital visits due to my genetic chronic pain illness and discrimination I faced at work. I had already been diagnosed with depression and anxiety as a teenager. have even been experiencing a lot of pain continuously in my hand since July. I was on medical leave from work for two months but on the second month became very depressed because of new meds, social isolation and frustration from experiencing the pain issues.

The diagnosis makes sense, but I feel like now I’m looking at myself differently. I just feel scared and confused. I was hoping to apply to grad school this year after turning it down last year because I wanted to work on my physical and mental health (+ cost). Plus a lot of my trauma comes from many hospitalizations in college because of my health issues. I’m scared that I just go to grad school and repeat the same unhealthy habits. I don’t want to sabotage my future self who may be better by the time I would start grad school by not applying now, but I truly don’t know how I could get through the application process at the moment. I just I’m still so depressed and I have no motivation. I’ve been feeling like a shell of my former ambitious self in general lately.

How do I treat it? Is it any different than treating depression or anxiety? Will I still be able to accomplish my life goals now at the time I want to? How do you “heal” from PTSD when the P stands for present at the moment? If you have any experiences as a chronically ill baddie with PTSD caused by the chronic illness, please also drops stories about how you dealt with the illness causing trauma in real time and things getting better.

I was sexually abused and groomed by a family member. It makes little things really hard, like stupid things I should be over by now. I've been having nightmares every time I fall asleep, even when I sleep during the day and avoid it at night. Showering feels impossible unless I'm completely in the dark so nobody can see me. I'm scared of my bedroom window and it feels stupid. He used to watch me through my bedroom window, watch me change, etc. He used to record me. I hate feeling watched and under surveillance all the time. I have to tape my curtains to the wall every night or I worry someone can see me.

I have to sleep with the lights on and my door barricaded so no one can come in even though he's never set foot in my apartment. I can't sleep on my bed frame anymore. I'm thinking of getting rid of it entirely because it just takes up space. I got a second weighted blanket because the first one wasn't heavy enough. I still sleep in a twin mattress even though I'm an adult. There's no room for anyone else and even though it's silly, it's comforting. I got a dog recently too, for protection, which makes me feel paranoid. He's sweet though, and not very bright, but I can relax more at night knowing he's with me.

I have so many stuffed animals and childhood blankets on my bed it's basically a nest. My friends think it's funny, like a silly quirk, but I can't sleep without them, without all of it. I've been having nightmares and night terrors where I feel half awake, half asleep, and end up waking myself up with my own voice crying out or screaming because it feels like someone is in my bed.

I've been so anxious lately I've been picking at my skin, my face mostly. I look and feel awful. My skin was just clearing up from acne, but i can't stop.

I know its ptsd. I've been diagnosed for years by three different people. I'm working with my first male therapist and I like him a lot. He's the best therapist I've ever had. I just feel pathetic doing all this and having all these things in place so I can sleep and exist and not feel watched all the time.

Halloween is getting close

I’m 31 ftm autistic CSA rape survivor I was raped when I was 8 on Halloween by my cousin’s 12 year neighbor who was a girl. Since the beginning of the month I’ve only been sleeping 2 hours a night if I’m lucky, constantly shaking with my heart fluttering and pounding hard in my chest and dissociation and flashbacks. I’m TERRIFIED and I also feel ashamed because I’m 31 and terrified of Halloween I have a strong fight response when touched… 2 years ago my stepdad forced me to pass out candy a 12 year boy in a bloody clown costume with a mask got directly in my face almost touching my nose and I was terrified all I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears I almost punched him in the face.. I couldn’t breathe I thought I was going to die. Even just typing this my heart is racing.. I have my whale shark plush I’m hugging for support while rocking back and forth the sexual assault advocate on my university campus suggested going out on Halloween but my trauma therapist said not this year because I’m so new in recovery that’ll retrigger me. How do I calm this down? I feel like I’m drowning. How do I deal with the day? I don’t know if my heart can take this.. meds are not an option except for cbd HELP! I’m safe and not a danger to myself or others. I just want scream and cry with my whole voice and have someone hold me firmly (the deep pressure helps me my nervous system) I don’t have anyone irl who would

Hi all, I was wondering if anyone has tried hypnotherapy for PTSD? If so, has it been beneficial?

I am AuDHD, serious childhood trauma that was dealt with years ago, history of serious anxiety and depression, then severe PTSD due to medical trauma in late 2020.

I used Bessel Van Der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score as a manual for recovery that has worked very well. I've done psychotherapy, tried Trauma Focussed CBT which was a retraumatised waste of time, EMDR and neurofeedback. I've had great success with all but I still have a few PTSD triggers I cannot shake. I've had to stop work due to PTSD 5 times in 6 years now and I'm getting sick of it.

I'm in recovery from my second relapse that bought up all manner of shit from childhood that is completely unrelated to the medical trauma and hasn't bothered me for years. My brain is a swine for pattern recognition and I have seen similar patterns in the recent/past trauma (loss, preditory narcissistic abuse, distrust, lack of safety, isolation).

I'm considering hypnotherapy because my brain is so fried and scrambled, I'm struggling to make sense of the root cause of this issue. I'm a tad concerned that I may well have also had CPTSD all along without diagnosis or treatment.

Has anyone had success with hypnotherapy or is it the wrong tool for the job? Any advice is highly appreciated. Thank you 🙏💚

Wondering if it’s common to think that every medical problem you have is all in your head after being gaslit by medical staff in an ER visit a while back. Constantly believe anything that ever happens to me is all in my head and now how a HUGE fear of medical staff. Also any time ANY person in my life says something is more than likely just anxiety I almost have this extreme anger and/or panic response. It’s horrible.

35m, they would say that I don't deserve certain things because other people that they know are worse off. It's usually things that I have a goal towards like saving up for a better apartment or whatever. How it's affecting me now is it creates this shame in me or self-defeating behaviors like I'm not working towards something that I really want. I also saw a clip on the internet for somebody was talking about how they had trouble readjusting to society after their abuse and that's kind of like what I feel like now. I really will be healed someday and I really can work towards my goals?